Ginevra Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) Suppose your friend has a business and is offering a presentation. (No, this is not a MLM thing.) I think the event would be fun, but it isn't something I really *need*, and isn't something I want so much, either. I don't really want to attend. It is kind of expensive, about as much as a nice dinner out with DH would be. OTOH, I cannot say that too my friend; it's just too crass and she will surely think I could suck it up and pay for this thing. WWYD? Would you go? Edited January 26, 2016 by Quill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnMyOwn Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 It would depend on how close of a friend she was and how much she needed me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 It would depend on how close of a friend she was and how much she needed me. Well, she is not my *best* friend, but she is probably within my top 25 Wider-Circle friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No, I would not go. I have no problem telling a friend that something is too expensive for me. If someone found that crass or in any way judged my definition of "too expensive," that would surely be a definer of our friendship and put a distance between us. I would be fine if that happened. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 If it were free and I had the time, then I would go. But, seeing as it costs $$ just to attend (?), I would only attend if it were a very close friend and she had been there for me for my own challenges etc..or I know she is the type of friend who would be there for me. Or if this was a major big deal and I had been supporting her, urging her on, helped her get ready etc and I would be enjoyable for me to see our plans finally come to fruition. Or if I were Leslie Knope. Leslie seems to have unlimited money and always does that sort of thing for her friends, lol 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I would help out for free like being the receptionist or door usher but would not pay to attend an event to support a friend that I have no interest in attending. There is both time cost and money cost. If the friend had been supportive of my family like taking the time to attend my kids performances or events, than I would think of it as returning the favor by being supportive of her event. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No. If I needed it or wanted it, I would buy from friend. And I would recommend her to people who needed or wanted the product. Friends don't pay me to do random legal work they don't need, kwim? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No. How would this be supportive to her any way? It's not like an award ceremony or a showcase or something right? So just a friendly warm body? Or the $$ it would cost you to go? Either way, no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I can't think of too many people I'd expect to show up to my presentations just because we are friends. Or family. Or business partners. :P However, if someone really needed more bodies in order to avoid looking like a flop, I have been known to come and fill the seat. Though I don't recall being expected to pay for it. So, no, unless you feel she really needs you to be there. If it is a true need, consider it an act of charity. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No, I would not go. I have no problem telling a friend that something is too expensive for me. If someone found that crass or in any way judged my definition of "too expensive," that would surely be a definer of our friendship and put a distance between us. I would be fine if that happened. Well, she is on the upper end of Upper Middle Class and I think she's a little bit "can't relate" to the more solidly middle-middle class of us, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) I used to go to home parties like Pampered Chef because people said, "Even if you're not buying, you can still come!" And I believed them. But I've since found out that people don't really mean that. They sort of mean it when they say it, but they are pretty disappointed when you don't buy what they're selling. I have a new rule that if I absolutely know I won't buy anything at all, then I don't go. It turns out to be more rude to go than just staying home. In your case, this sounds different from a Pampered Chef party. If she needs people there filling a room to make her look more successful, then I'd go to provide the warm body. Like, will there be investors or something and she wants to look good to them? Then I'd go. But if it's the sort of thing where it's a Pampered Chef party and it doesn't really matter how many people show up (no one needs to be impressed) and I know I won't buy, then I wouldn't go. Edited January 25, 2016 by Garga 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 no. costs money, and time I don't have for something I'm not interested in. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 ETA: If you care about her and want to support her financially, could you just buy the item on the side without attending the event? You're introverted, so the idea of having to pay money AND hang out with a bunch of people might be Just Too Much. But if you can simply support her by buying her product without having to hang out with people, would that be a good compromise? For me personally, since I'm doing the mindful spending along with you, I'd think of what I could give up in order to pay for this item. Like if you go out to eat once a month, would you be willing to skip this month's dinner out to pay for it? This is actually a really complex question! The more I try to answer it, the more factors keep popping into my head. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No and a true friend would not be hurt if it is about business. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Not only that, but a disinterested audience can be worse than no audience at all. If you have an audience that is yawning, checking their phones, and not engaged, that kind of sends a message that the talk/presenter isn't all that great. I've seen that happen when college professors encourage their students to come to a guest speaker. The room may be full, but when the bodies would rather be somewhere else, it shows. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I used to go to home parties like Pampered Chef because people said, "Even if you're not buying, you can still come!" And I believed them. But I've since found out that people don't really mean that. They sort of mean it when they say it, but they are pretty disappointed when you don't buy what they're selling. I have a new rule that if I absolutely know I won't buy anything at all, then I don't go. It turns out to be more rude to go than just staying home. In your case, this sounds different from a Pampered Chef party. If she needs people there filling a room to make her look more successful, then I'd go to provide the warm body. Like, will there be investors or something and she wants to look good to them? Then I'd go. But if it's the sort of thing where it's a Pampered Chef party and it doesn't really matter how many people show up (no one needs to be impressed) and I know I won't buy, then I wouldn't go. It's kind of like this. I know she plans to publish a book in the near future that builds off of this thing she is doing. Well, I am also writing a book and I know I would be a little crestfallen if I was speaking, say, "Twenty Great Ideas To Declutter Your Home Now!" But like five people came and one was my mom. So in that sense, I feel like I should go. It's not gonna kill me to spend the money, KWIM? Like, my electric is not going to be shut off if I spend the money ther instead. But I also hate to throw money onto something that is "meh" for me, and there will be more opportunities down the road, like when her book is published. I can't decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No. And don't you dare feel badly about it. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Well, two thoughts. Does your schedule permit it? Don't clear the decks of other important things just to do this one. I would do it if it were my very BBBF, but not as you describe. Also, would attending be a one and done thing, or would you just be stepping in the gate, being lured to deeper levels of "supporting" your friend? Can't tell from the OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I think it would depend on how she asked you. If she came and confided to you that it would mean a lot to her if you came, that would be a lot different from if she sent you an evite. If you'd be one of 15 people in the room, vs. one of 100, that would make a difference too. However, if it is that important to her, she wouldn't make you pay for it, right? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) What in the world is it that you need to pay to attend? I doubt it would be worth it to me. I'd rather use the money go out to dinner on a date night with my husband. Edited January 25, 2016 by Butter 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Well, two thoughts. Does your schedule permit it? Don't clear the decks of other important things just to do this one. I would do it if it were my very BBBF, but not as you describe. Also, would attending be a one and done thing, or would you just be stepping in the gate, being lured to deeper levels of "supporting" your friend? Can't tell from the OP. I could go. It wouldn't mean cancelling anything else important. I do wonder a little about your last question. I actually don't feel like the subject is worth paying for. It's not this, but lets say it was a presentation on How To Do Your Pedicure At Home. Kinda like that. Like, not the dumbest thing, but not terribly important to learn from an "expert." So, there is an aspect where I feel like I don't really want to give her the impression that I think it's a really spend-worthy thing, because I'm not going to go to yet *another*similar thing six months from now, if she were to do that. (this is actually not her first time doing this presentation, but the last time I had a legit excuse.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) No. I don't pay money so I can be advertised to - friend or no friend. ETA: And if the business itself consists of giving presentations for a fee, then the first thing should be to find out whether there is an actual market and not one made up of friends and family. Edited January 25, 2016 by regentrude 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 So yeah, it sounds like there might be a little tough love involved. How many people showed up for her last presentation? Was it embarrassing or encouraging for her? Maybe it's better she finds out her idea isn't so marketable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I think it would depend on how she asked you. If she came and confided to you that it would mean a lot to her if you came, that would be a lot different from if she sent you an evite. If you'd be one of 15 people in the room, vs. one of 100, that would make a difference too. However, if it is that important to her, she wouldn't make you pay for it, right? I think the point of paying for it is to establish expertise, from a marketing perspective, KWIM? She had some printed materials made up and distributed them amongst a group of us when we got together last. So, in a way, not that different from if a friend gave you Pampered Chef invitations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I think the point of paying for it is to establish expertise, from a marketing perspective, KWIM? She had some printed materials made up and distributed them amongst a group of us when we got together last. So, in a way, not that different from if a friend gave you Pampered Chef invitations. OK, so I think the way I would normally support such a thing would be by warmly saying encouraging words. May she connect with all the people in the world who are interested in her product/service. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) I think the point of paying for it is to establish expertise, from a marketing perspective, KWIM? She had some printed materials made up and distributed them amongst a group of us when we got together last. So, in a way, not that different from if a friend gave you Pampered Chef invitations. Why pay "to establish expertise"? I think it works the other way around: you pay because somebody has already established expertise - the pay does not make one an expert. You would not pay for a product you don't need just because it is made by a friend. Send her a message and wish her well. ETA: I support my friends who have businesses: I spread the word and refer other people who might need their service, and I wish them well. I purchase their wares if I have a use for them . I don't need pottery items, but I give my friend's pottery as wedding gifts. I don't enroll in their childbirth classes or hire them as doulas - it would be absurd, since I am not pregnant. Nor do I purchase garments I would never wear or knickknacks I find ugly. (That would not be supportive, but patronizing.) Edited January 25, 2016 by regentrude 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) Reading further... Save your time and money for celebrating her book launch. If it comes to that. Edited January 25, 2016 by Seasider 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I've read through the thread and based on your posts, I wouldn't attend. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Why pay "to establish expertise"? I think it works the other way around: you pay because somebody has already established expertise - the pay does not make one an expert. You would not pay for a product you don't need just because it is made by a friend. Send her a message and wish her well. ETA: I support my friends who have businesses: I spread the word and refer other people who might need their service, and I wish them well. I purchase their wares if I have a use for them . I don't need pottery items, but I give my friend's pottery as wedding gifts. I don't enroll in their childbirth classes or hire them as doulas - it would be absurd, since I am not pregnant. Nor do I purchase garments I would never wear or knickknacks I find ugly. (That would not be supportive, but patronizing.) I think it is to have a more legitimate resumé. To go back to the nail art example, it would be to say, for example, "hundreds have attended her local classes on nail art; now you can read her book on nail art at home!" Also to make money on whomever is willing to pay for the classes. And when I say it like that, I think I will not go. But I will feel like I should when I see her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Blech...If she is your friend...you should attend for FREE imo or skip it and the guilt. I have a feeling you're worried about her feelings more than she's worried over yours. I think it is to have a more legitimate resumé. To go back to the nail art example, it would be to say, for example, "hundreds have attended her local classes on nail art; now you can read her book on nail art at home!" Also to make money on whomever is willing to pay for the classes. And when I say it like that, I think I will not go. But I will feel like I should when I see her. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Top 25 friend? Nope. Pay to attend something I know I don't want to buy? Nope. I'd have to take the uncomfortable step of telling her that I don't want to come to this (or any) presentation. Because like you said, she might do something else in 6 months and want you to attend. If she's a friend she will understand. Having a policy of not attending any Pampered Chef, 31, It Works!, Scentsy, or any other party has served me well over the past decade. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that status by attending a presentation I have to pay for. (My friends know I don't attend these parties so they stopped asking...but if I attend one, the floodgates will open) If she needs a warm body there and wants to waive the fee, I might go to support her. Might...but probably not since ya know...floodgates. Nah...she would have to be top 5 friends to get me to attend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) To me, my time is money. So, my time matters to me more than the $$ I spend on an event. I have a ton of things that I could do in the time that it takes to attend an event that I have no interest in. So, I would not go. And I would support that friend by buying her book when it comes out. PS: why is she charging her friend for entry fee if she is out to build a legitimate looking resume? she should invite all her friends for free and tell them that she would like their support in order to build a good looking resume. Edited January 25, 2016 by mathnerd 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Blech...If she is your friend...you should attend for FREE imo or skip it and the guilt. I have a feeling you're worried about her feelings more than she's worried over yours. Yeah...I'm not going to go. It could definitely put me on the hamster wheel of feeling like I have to go to the next one and the next... She has has success in this business. She has been paid for consulting with people about this topic many times, and even in other states. But I don't think this particular facet is that useful. OTOH, i am a very practical person and I am constantly *amazed* at the things other people will pay for, LOL! So, in one sense, it is not impossible that there is a market for her presentations. However, I am not her target customer. So, that makes me think it is no different from if my friend is a car dealer, but I don't need a car. "Best wishes on your car sales, my friend!" 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Top 25 friend? Nope. Pay to attend something I know I don't want to buy? Nope. I'd have to take the uncomfortable step of telling her that I don't want to come to this (or any) presentation. Because like you said, she might do something else in 6 months and want you to attend. If she's a friend she will understand. Having a policy of not attending any Pampered Chef, 31, It Works!, Scentsy, or any other party has served me well over the past decade. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that status by attending a presentation I have to pay for. (My friends know I don't attend these parties so they stopped asking...but if I attend one, the floodgates will open) If she needs a warm body there and wants to waive the fee, I might go to support her. Might...but probably not since ya know...floodgates. Nah...she would have to be top 5 friends to get me to attend. Yeah, I have long since announced I don't do Direct Sales parties and, while I think some people have been butt-hurt about it, the upside is that I don't get invited to many anymore. *sigh* I just really don't want it to come to me saying, "Friend, I think you are terrific and, while your business is great for a lot of people, it isn't that interesting to me." Gah. I can hardly even type that! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slackermom Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 In the circumstances you describe, definitely not. Your friend can still honestly say "hundreds have attended" without charging you to be one of those hundreds of people. Now, I do (sometimes) go to (free) art shows to support friends who are artists even if I don't expect to buy a painting. I have even volunteered by helping hang an exhibit, or poured wine. But I am not there to help them build a resume. It's social support. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 . (this is actually not her first time doing this presentation, but the last time I had a legit excuse.) This right there would clinch it for me as absolute no. If she's done this thing more than once, it's reasonable she will do it again in the future. As uncomfortable as it is to say no now, just get it over with. Otherwise she will be wanting you to come and pay to attend this thing every time. Just avoid that road now. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I think I would be "so sorry I had other plans". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 It depends on what "it" is, but probably not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I wouldn't go. Hopefully she wouldn't ask you "Why didn't you come?" The time & money commitment for something I'm not interested in would be the deciding factors. A top 25 friendship should be able to survive that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 On the plus side, since she's in your top 25, even if she gets 'butt hurt' (I love that!) you have at least 24 other buddies. It's not like she's your only friend. It's really, really hard to explain a 'no' answer and it makes me mad that some people even put me in that position. Like, sometimes a friend will ask if I'm coming to a show her kid is in and I can say that I won't be coming. A good friend doesn't follow up with WHY. It always throws me off when someone asks for a reason I'm not doing something. They're the rude one but somehow I feel bad because I have no good reason other than I've seen Seussical the Musical enough for a lifetime. I know a person's a person no matter how small but my money's my money and I'd like to keep it, honey. I feel for you. It's not easy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No. I wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Nope. A business needs to be a good idea all on its own' not artificially propped up by guilting your friends. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Another vote for Wouldn't Go. I also Don't Do Product Parties. None. Never. I'll take your catalog and maybe, maybe I'll buy something. But No Parties. Don't go. Don't feel guilty. Anne 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 (edited) Ok, so it sounds more like a class than just a presentation. And you're paying to go to the class/presentation. I can understand now with your example. It would be like going to a class that teaches you how to paint your nails, possibly using some special brush or paint. You're paying for the instruction and the tools (brush and paint.) In that case, I wouldn't go after all. If it's not something you're into, then it's ok not to go. Especially since she does these a lot and you'll be asked if you want to come again. Better to be honest up front that this isn't a product you are at all interested in. I wouldn't give a reason yet, for a top 25 friend. Just decline without a reason. If she asks, then you can tell that you aren't interested in the product. Usually I'd say that No is a complete sentence and you don't have to give a reason, but since she's a friend and might still be trying to figure out if her idea is really marketable, I'd give her a reason IF she asks. You want to give her honest feedback about the demand of her product. Doing that (giving honest feedback) would really be the most caring and helpful thing to do for her, even if it's bad news to her. Edited January 25, 2016 by Garga 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Friends don't ask friends to pay to attend their event. That has the ick written all over it. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't think twice about it. You don't owe an explanation. If she pushes for one you can decide how honest you want to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 So if you go, you are pretending to be interested in her product or service when you're really not? I wouldn't go, and if she asks why I would say that it's just not for you, but you wish her continued success. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Suppose your friend has a business and is offering a presentation. (No, this is not a MLM thing.) I think the event would be fun, but it isn't something I really *need*, and isn't something I want so much, either. I don't really want to attend. It is kind of expensive, about as much as a nice dinner out with DH would be. OTOH, I cannot say that too my friend; it's just too crass and she will surely think I could suck it up and pay for this thing. WWYD? Would you go? No. I wouldn't go to something I had to pay that much money for if I was as uninterested as you seem to be. I might if my friend asked me specifically to help her - not just invited me like she invited all her friends - like if I could be some sort of needed support and not just a warm-body. I'd be a helpful warm-body if it were free or very low-cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I used to go to home parties like Pampered Chef because people said, "Even if you're not buying, you can still come!" And I believed them. But I've since found out that people don't really mean that. They sort of mean it when they say it, but they are pretty disappointed when you don't buy what they're selling. I have a new rule that if I absolutely know I won't buy anything at all, then I don't go. It turns out to be more rude to go than just staying home. In your case, this sounds different from a Pampered Chef party. If she needs people there filling a room to make her look more successful, then I'd go to provide the warm body. Like, will there be investors or something and she wants to look good to them? Then I'd go. But if it's the sort of thing where it's a Pampered Chef party and it doesn't really matter how many people show up (no one needs to be impressed) and I know I won't buy, then I wouldn't go. In my circle, it really does mean you don't have to buy & it's OK. These parties are used for socializing & lots of people don't buy - don't have any intention to buy when they come. It really is OK in some circles. I have had parties where people don't buy & it's totally OK. I have attended parties & not bought & it's OK. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No. I also have low expectations that people would do the same for me. I cannot imagine most people willingly doing that for someone that sounds like they rank as an acquaintance. I would probably compare that invitation to someone asking me to come to a "party" that is code for, "buy my stuff so I can make a profit." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 No I wouldn't go; her business has to succeed or fail on its own merit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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