Holiday venting thread

[AnnE-girl]

This is a very petty vent, because DH and I weren't really exchanging presents so he didn't have to get me anything in the first place. However, the running capris with zippered pockets that DH surprised me with will only fit after I lose at least twenty more pounds of baby weight. Maybe I'll be able to wear them by next fall? It was very thoughtful of him because I've complained about not having no pockets to carry things while I'm running, but it just sucks that I won't be able to wear them for quite a while. And I'm a little afraid I won't be able to get back to that old size.

 

Anyone need to complain about something petty today?

[Pink and Green Mom]

That stinks, AnnE-girl.

 

My husband is lounging around after running this AM while I am furiously trying to get the potatoes cooked to take to my parents (why oh why is it taking 4x longer than normal) and doing (his) laundry. 

 

Oh and my oldest has a fever 2 degrees above his normal temperature.  He says he feels fine, my mom acts likes I'm crazy for wondering if he should come.

[Catwoman]

That stinks, AnnE-girl.

 

My husband is lounging around after running this AM while I am furiously trying to get the potatoes cooked to take to my parents (why oh why is it taking 4x longer than normal) and doing (his) laundry.

 

Oh and my oldest has a fever 2 degrees above his normal temperature. He says he feels fine, my mom acts likes I'm crazy for wondering if he should come.

I would be worried about the fever, too, both because I would be afraid he was getting sick and because I would be worried that he might be contagious. I hope he's okay!

[Catwoman]

This is a very petty vent, because DH and I weren't really exchanging presents so he didn't have to get me anything in the first place. However, the running capris with zippered pockets that DH surprised me with will only fit after I lose at least twenty more pounds of baby weight. Maybe I'll be able to wear them by next fall? It was very thoughtful of him because I've complained about not having no pockets to carry things while I'm running, but it just sucks that I won't be able to wear them for quite a while. And I'm a little afraid I won't be able to get back to that old size.

 

Anyone need to complain about something petty today?

Can you exchange them for the size you wear now?

[Wheres Toto]

Dh announced in November that we should just get a few big things family for Christmas (laser printer and dvr) and not exchange gifts.  Okay, great.  Then a week ago he changes his mind.  99% of the things I would get him would have to be ordered online and I didn't have time to do it.  Plus I didn't budget for his gifts so got more for the kids so the money wasn't there by that point.  So he had 2 things to open and one IOU, while I had 6 because he actually ordered things before telling me the change of plans.  It was sweet of him to get me stuff but I feel kind of bad.

[Word Nerd]

Can't you exchange them?

[MrsBasil]

My husband has a 15 hour shift today and every day until Monday. Which is when we are having Christmas Day.

[Happy]

Not venting, exactly. We did our family Christmas from Saturday to Wednesday. We had a blast. Now the adult kiddoes are at their own homes or in-laws celebrating.

 

I love having a quiet day with just DH....but it feels weird today for some reason. Lately, we work far too much, so a day off leaves me feeling at loose ends.

 

It's also 70 degrees outside. We plan to grill steaks for lunch. Yum!

 

Then I'm going to repaint my front door--the yellow I painted it 12 years ago (!) has faded...so on goes a coat or two of Annie Sloan's chalk paint in Arles--a lovely old yellow color. I should have enough time to get a coat or two on and let it set before nasty weather sweeps in tomorrow.

 

Happy Christmas, everyone!

[sewingmama]

This is a very petty vent, because DH and I weren't really exchanging presents so he didn't have to get me anything in the first place. However, the running capris with zippered pockets that DH surprised me with will only fit after I lose at least twenty more pounds of baby weight. Maybe I'll be able to wear them by next fall? It was very thoughtful of him because I've complained about not having no pockets to carry things while I'm running, but it just sucks that I won't be able to wear them for quite a while. And I'm a little afraid I won't be able to get back to that old size.

 

Anyone need to complain about something petty today?

Maybe it's a compliment...he thinks you are really skinny lol.

 

My DH bought be a shirt in a size 16. I'm a size 8. Apparently my DH thinks I am way larger then I am LOL.

[Truscifi]

We are all sick. Brotherman is getting over a sinus infection and finishing up antibiotics, I am on day 3 of antibiotics also for sinus infection, and now dh and Babyman are coughing, probably from drainage from...you guessed it, sinus infections. I'll be calling first thing in the morning for dr visits for them too.

 

Sigh.

[VeteranMom]

I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago today.  I wasn't wanting one and am not thrilled that I've had to go through the surgery.  I feel upset, if you want the truth.  

So, this is what dh got me.  I thought it was a joke.  We don't really even get each other much.  I would have rather received a nice James Avery charm- not something that reminds me that I've just had my innards ripped out.  

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Maybe someone can convince me that receiving this was sweet and thoughtful?  I really am not receiving it that way.  

 

[NorthwestMom]

I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago today.  I wasn't wanting one and am not thrilled that I've had to go through the surgery.  I feel upset, if you want the truth.  

So, this is what dh got me.  I thought it was a joke.  We don't really even get each other much.  I would have rather received a nice James Avery charm- not something that reminds me that I've just had my innards ripped out.  

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Maybe someone can convince me that receiving this was sweet and thoughtful?  I really am not receiving it that way.  

 

Omg. I don't know what to say to this.... except you are going to have an excellent submission for "weirdest gifts you've ever gotten" posts. :huh:

[zoobie]

I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago today. I wasn't wanting one and am not thrilled that I've had to go through the surgery. I feel upset, if you want the truth.

So, this is what dh got me. I thought it was a joke. We don't really even get each other much. I would have rather received a nice James Avery charm- not something that reminds me that I've just had my innards ripped out.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Maybe someone can convince me that receiving this was sweet and thoughtful? I really am not receiving it that way.

Um. Do they make a testicle keychain for Father's Day?

[VeteranMom]

Um. Do they make a testicle keychain for Father's Day?

I know, right?  I just asked him if it would have been a nice memorial to have gotten him a key chain of a dead sperm after he had his vasectomy.    

[JFSinIL]

This is a very petty vent, because DH and I weren't really exchanging presents so he didn't have to get me anything in the first place. However, the running capris with zippered pockets that DH surprised me with will only fit after I lose at least twenty more pounds of baby weight. Maybe I'll be able to wear them by next fall? It was very thoughtful of him because I've complained about not having no pockets to carry things while I'm running, but it just sucks that I won't be able to wear them for quite a while. And I'm a little afraid I won't be able to get back to that old size.

 

Anyone need to complain about something petty today?

I remember back when we were kids Dad went all-out and bought Mom an entire wardrobe, all new clothes - all about two sizes too small, bless his heart. She did enjoy exchanging them for stuff that not only fit but was in her colors (bright yellow, Dad, really?)

[RioSamba]

The womb charm, wow. I'm sure he meant to honor you as the mother of his children, but he really missed the mark!

 

My vent is that I'm just not enjoying Christmas this year. I feel like difficult things have seeped into my heart and made it hard. I've never felt this way before. I miss the magic!

[Junie]

I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago today.  I wasn't wanting one and am not thrilled that I've had to go through the surgery.  I feel upset, if you want the truth.  

So, this is what dh got me.  I thought it was a joke.  We don't really even get each other much.  I would have rather received a nice James Avery charm- not something that reminds me that I've just had my innards ripped out.  

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Maybe someone can convince me that receiving this was sweet and thoughtful?  I really am not receiving it that way.  

 

:grouphug:

[Joanne]

People who bring their children to Vegas. Don't just don't. If you are in a family vacation season of life - go somewhere appropriate for family. Vegas is not it. You can't feed or entertain children I. Vegas easily or well or inexpensively. Plus the explore to smoke, gambling culture and sex is unhealthy.

 

Finally, in spite of the claims of the 80's that Begas is "becoming family friendly" - it is really NOT.

 

Go to Disney with your kids (except babies and toddlers) and go to Vegas with over 21's only.

[Hen]

came home from seeing star wars to a blocked sewage line. On christmas day. Dh can fix anything, but he needs to rent a mechanical snake to clear this, and Home depot is closed today.  So far only found one plumber willing to come out and give an estimate. It's going to be expensive -for something dh can do himself if he could rent the tools. 

 

we have our family of 6, my grandmother lives with us, and we have 3 college kids staying with us for the week, :glare: :glare:

[nd293]

The womb charm, wow. I'm sure he meant to honor you as the mother of his children, but he really missed the mark!

 

My vent is that I'm just not enjoying Christmas this year. I feel like difficult things have seeped into my heart and made it hard. I've never felt this way before. I miss the magic!

I'm sure that this was what was intended by the unfortunate charm gift. Oh dear.

 

And you put it so well about difficult things seeping into the heart and making it hard. I often look back on the me I was at 20 and see how much tougher I am now. Some of it is strength, but some is hardness.

 

My sad story is that ds stepped on one of his Christmas gifts and broke it. It wasn't expensive but it was particularly carefully chosen for him, and it got broken because it was left on the hotel room floor after I'd repeated at least 20 times in a few hours that all possessions have to be kept in bags on on the counter when not in use.

[Garga]

I'm sure that this was what was intended by the unfortunate charm gift. Oh dear.

 

And you put it so well about difficult things seeping into the heart and making it hard. I often look back on the me I was at 20 and see how much tougher I am now. Some of it is strength, but some is hardness.

 

My sad story is that ds stepped on one of his Christmas gifts and broke it. It wasn't expensive but it was particularly carefully chosen for him, and it got broken because it was left on the hotel room floor after I'd repeated at least 20 times in a few hours that all possessions have to be kept in bags on on the counter when not in use.

Kids don't believe that toys can get broken from being stepped on.

 

When my oldest was 8 he got a bug toy. It's a little battery operated toy that rolls around like a robotic bug. He kept throwing it on the floor in the lobby at church to watch it fly through the air and then roll away. I said over and over, "Stop throwing it! It will break!" He said, "No, it won't!"

 

It broke. He was completely shocked. We still can't talk about it 5 years later because he gets upset at the memory. Sometimes kids just have to see it actually happen before they can believe it.

Edited December 26, 2015 by Garga

[bettyandbob]

People who bring their children to Vegas. Don't just don't. If you are in a family vacation season of life - go somewhere appropriate for family. Vegas is not it. You can't feed or entertain children I. Vegas easily or well or inexpensively. Plus the explore to smoke, gambling culture and sex is unhealthy.

 

Finally, in spite of the claims of the 80's that Begas is "becoming family friendly" - it is really NOT.

 

Go to Disney with your kids (except babies and toddlers) and go to Vegas with over 21's only.

Boys (brothers) I had in swim lessons last session we're excited about going there for Christmas. I thought it was an odd choice. Maybe they will tell me about it when I see them in a couple weeks

[Gentlemommy]

My in laws. 😕 There are a multitude of issues with them, which FINALLY, after 12 years of being married, Dh is starting to see. Passive agressiveness, controlling, manipulative, ect. MIL invited us down to spend Christmas with them, which I politely declined. Dh has been working out of town M-F for months, and will have one week off between Christmas and New Years. We planned to go on a little vacation, as it's the only week of the year we are sure he won't be called to work. She got very huffy and passive aggressive with me, which I just ignored. In retaliation, they wouldn't answer their phone all day, and when we finally got a hold of them, they were all despondent and depressed, saying Christmas was just 'another day' with nothing to do. 😒 Funny, no one on my side of the family would ever dream of reacting that way, they were all pleased we are spending some time together as a family. I know I shouldn't let them get to me, but I do...mostly because I know they lay the guilt trip on dh, and he has a hard time with it. Honestly, no matter what I did/do, it wouldn't be enough for them. I have given up trying, but dh hasn't, and it puts a big stress on us.

[purplejackmama]

Ugh. My 4 year old threw up off and on all day Wednesday. Guess who spent all last night throwing up and has left the bed today for exactly 7 minutes. Sigh. I'm not a good sick person. But Christmas Day?! Come on!!!

 

Good news though is hubby wanted to change up the Christmas routine so we opened everything last night. So yay! I didn't miss that fun. But still I'm tied of laying here feeling bad.

[Spryte]

Exhausted from being over scheduled. Sick. Migraine. And I saw this coming. Knew it was too much.

 

We have guests tomorrow, then another all day party, then house guests every day till Jan 3. I want to hide.

 

And the womb charm. No words. If I'd received that after my hyst, I'd have bawled my eyes out.

[MrsBasil]

Boys (brothers) I had in swim lessons last session we're excited about going there for Christmas. I thought it was an odd choice. Maybe they will tell me about it when I see them in a couple weeks

I know a few people who have taken kids there. I've never been, but apparently some of the hotels have amusement parks, the Hoover Dam, the M&M factory, the hotel shows(fountains and a volcano), a water park, the cost vs. Disney cost, and that most hotels have nice pools that are usable longer than swim season in CO, KS, or WY makes it an option.

 

Again, I have never been to Las Vegas. No idea if I'd take kids or if it's a good idea for my family.

[Joker]

We have family just outside of Vegas and have spent Christmas there. It wasn't bad and we had fun. Lots of shopping in fun stores, roller coaster on top of casino while looking at lights, Hoover Dam, and family. It doesn't have to be a horrible place and we will spend more time there while visiting family.

[Anne in CA]

People who bring their children to Vegas. Don't just don't. If you are in a family vacation season of life - go somewhere appropriate for family. Vegas is not it. You can't feed or entertain children I. Vegas easily or well or inexpensively. Plus the explore to smoke, gambling culture and sex is unhealthy.

 

Finally, in spite of the claims of the 80's that Begas is "becoming family friendly" - it is really NOT.

 

Go to Disney with your kids (except babies and toddlers) and go to Vegas with over 21's only.

[

/quote]

 

Oh, the best thanksgiving our family ever had was with extended family in Vegas. All the extended family was LDS, so no casinos or drinking. We took the kids to Rainforest Café, had a ball at Circus Circus amusement park, it was great. I would so do it again.

[RioSamba]

I'm sure that this was what was intended by the unfortunate charm gift. Oh dear.

 

And you put it so well about difficult things seeping into the heart and making it hard. I often look back on the me I was at 20 and see how much tougher I am now. Some of it is strength, but some is hardness.

 

My sad story is that ds stepped on one of his Christmas gifts and broke it. It wasn't expensive but it was particularly carefully chosen for him, and it got broken because it was left on the hotel room floor after I'd repeated at least 20 times in a few hours that all possessions have to be kept in bags on on the counter when not in use.

Thanks for reminding me about the strength!

 

Hotel Christmas. Enough said.

[Starr]

Dh gets present crazed on Christmas Eve afternoon. Now mind you we don't have much shopping close by and he has two services starting at 5:00. This year he spent a ton of money.  :svengo:  It's not like he's not in on the planning and purchasing that was already done and wrapped. HIs answer, "But ds will really like it.."

[Mama Geek]

Mine is an IL complaint...It was discussed and we were to open gifts at our place and then we were going to do dinner with other people coming over at 5 is for dinner so a total of 13.  IL's, including SIL and her dh and dd come over without any gifts.  They had us go to the grandparents house to open the gifts from them after we handed out all our gifts to them at our house.  It was really very weird and then it ended up making us late getting dinner ready and we ended up eating late.  We rolled with it, but sheez, why couldn't it have been a little easier.  If you really want to open presents at your house why don't you just say so.  

 

Lots of power struggles and lots of weird history with MIL in particular so this type of thing is not unusual.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago today.  I wasn't wanting one and am not thrilled that I've had to go through the surgery.  I feel upset, if you want the truth.  

So, this is what dh got me.  I thought it was a joke.  We don't really even get each other much.  I would have rather received a nice James Avery charm- not something that reminds me that I've just had my innards ripped out.  

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Maybe someone can convince me that receiving this was sweet and thoughtful?  I really am not receiving it that way.  

 

 

I'm so sorry you had an unwanted hysterectomy.  :-(  I actually think the charm is sweet in a funky, "special" kind of way, but the timing was awful.  

[PeacefulChaos]

I, like many other people, have a relative that drives me crazy on Christmas.

 

I've never really gotten along well with them.  They're not someone I see (or need to see) often, the most we've seen them is a few times a year.  But we haven't seen them at all the last 4 years because of different family stuff.  There was a falling out.  Etc. Etc.

It's complicated.

 

Yesterday, this person didn't even try to pretend they like me.  And I'm not a person who *I thought* really cares about that sort of thing.  I consider myself to be pretty free spirited and happy and peaceful and if other people don't like me, oh well.  But I guess maybe I'm not?  Which makes me feel terrible about myself, because in my head, it's a major weakness to care about what other people think of you.  

I can't really describe it, how I was feeling last night about the whole mess.  I honestly thought it didn't matter to me at all.  Then when I went to bed, it suddenly did?  Or I don't know if I was just feeling stressed from being around them all day?  And I don't know why this person stresses me out so much?  Like I mentioned, we've never been particularly close or gotten along great.  I think I've always sort of felt like they are condescending toward me, whether because I'm younger or because they think I'm naive or because they look down on me, I'm not sure.  I can't really guess.

My only guess as to why I react to them weird is because they don't like me and I am a person who expects that everyone will like me.  It's just my personality.  Until them, I had never had someone say really mean things to me.  Sure, there were a couple kids who picked on me off and on through late elementary and middle school, but nothing that was like an attack.  Something like that did happen with this person about 5 years ago (hence the not seeing them).  Even before that, though, I was weird with them.  And Idk if I just think that I'm cool with people not liking me but that I actually have no idea what to do with it because the idea is so foreign?  I'm sure there have been other people who don't like me... however, they haven't been people that I have to see or deal with or spend holidays with, kwim?  Random people out and about (people at church, whatever, which is the only other person I can think of who doesn't like me, and I honestly don't care on that one) isn't quite the same as people who are related.

And it especially baffles me because they don't really know me.  And they've never attempted to. 

 Anyway, over the years, holidays with them present got more and more difficult.  They're not someone I have to see often so I feel like I should just suck it up for the purpose of a peaceful holiday with everyone else.  But I'm not going to lie - this last few holidays without them has been wonderful.  

 

So I don't know if last night was just stress related (more than actually caring about what the person thinks of me) or what.  But I was just a mess.  For no good reason.  I was second guessing myself, my actions, trying to figure out IF I act differently when they are around and if so, why, and why I feel like I can't relax around them, and then beating myself up because all these things = weakness and I can't stand weakness in myself.  

 

Then I remembered all these things I remember seeing back in the day - they were pins and memes made for introverts that rubbed me the wrong way then but then had me feeling really down last night - all these things talking about how 'people are loud because they have nothing in their heads'; 'people talk a lot because they're overcompensating for personality'; basically everything I could think of that was saying that my personality is the way it is because I'm somehow not good enough.  For something.  Whatever.

 

It was a rough night.  I didn't fall asleep til after 3am and got up at 7 to come to work.

 

The craziest thing is, this types of thinking is very unlike me.  I don't really think like this ever.  I don't worry about things I say and stuff.  I'm not anxious.  I'm an extrovert and really love being with people... except this one, apparently.  

 

In the light of day, these things don't seem like such a big deal - not like they did 8 hours ago.  Now more than anything I'm just exhausted and wondering why holidays have to = stress when they are around.  

 

And if anyone reads this and wants to try to tell me that the holiday/stress correlation is under my control and has nothing to do with the person, that's really unhelpful lol.  I'm too tired for stuff I already know well.  But I can't explain my reaction to them.  I don't know why I act the way I do; I just know it's exhausting to be near them and have to interact with them in a group.  I don't talk to them individually at all.  

 

I wish I could know for sure if I really do act weird around them or if I'm just imagining it.  Because if I am, I would love to stop.  I don't know if it's exhausting for me because I'm acting weird or if it's exhausting for me just because they are present and it would be no matter what, even if I went totally out of character and sat next to the wall for the entire day lol.  :)

[Garga]

I, like many other people, have a relative that drives me crazy on Christmas.

 

I've never really gotten along well with them. They're not someone I see (or need to see) often, the most we've seen them is a few times a year. But we haven't seen them at all the last 4 years because of different family stuff. There was a falling out. Etc. Etc.

It's complicated.

 

Yesterday, this person didn't even try to pretend they like me. And I'm not a person who *I thought* really cares about that sort of thing. I consider myself to be pretty free spirited and happy and peaceful and if other people don't like me, oh well. But I guess maybe I'm not? Which makes me feel terrible about myself, because in my head, it's a major weakness to care about what other people think of you.

I can't really describe it, how I was feeling last night about the whole mess. I honestly thought it didn't matter to me at all. Then when I went to bed, it suddenly did? Or I don't know if I was just feeling stressed from being around them all day? And I don't know why this person stresses me out so much? Like I mentioned, we've never been particularly close or gotten along great. I think I've always sort of felt like they are condescending toward me, whether because I'm younger or because they think I'm naive or because they look down on me, I'm not sure. I can't really guess.

My only guess as to why I react to them weird is because they don't like me and I am a person who expects that everyone will like me. It's just my personality. Until them, I had never had someone say really mean things to me. Sure, there were a couple kids who picked on me off and on through late elementary and middle school, but nothing that was like an attack. Something like that did happen with this person about 5 years ago (hence the not seeing them). Even before that, though, I was weird with them. And Idk if I just think that I'm cool with people not liking me but that I actually have no idea what to do with it because the idea is so foreign? I'm sure there have been other people who don't like me... however, they haven't been people that I have to see or deal with or spend holidays with, kwim? Random people out and about (people at church, whatever, which is the only other person I can think of who doesn't like me, and I honestly don't care on that one) isn't quite the same as people who are related.

And it especially baffles me because they don't really know me. And they've never attempted to.

Anyway, over the years, holidays with them present got more and more difficult. They're not someone I have to see often so I feel like I should just suck it up for the purpose of a peaceful holiday with everyone else. But I'm not going to lie - this last few holidays without them has been wonderful.

 

So I don't know if last night was just stress related (more than actually caring about what the person thinks of me) or what. But I was just a mess. For no good reason. I was second guessing myself, my actions, trying to figure out IF I act differently when they are around and if so, why, and why I feel like I can't relax around them, and then beating myself up because all these things = weakness and I can't stand weakness in myself.

 

Then I remembered all these things I remember seeing back in the day - they were pins and memes made for introverts that rubbed me the wrong way then but then had me feeling really down last night - all these things talking about how 'people are loud because they have nothing in their heads'; 'people talk a lot because they're overcompensating for personality'; basically everything I could think of that was saying that my personality is the way it is because I'm somehow not good enough. For something. Whatever.

 

It was a rough night. I didn't fall asleep til after 3am and got up at 7 to come to work.

 

The craziest thing is, this types of thinking is very unlike me. I don't really think like this ever. I don't worry about things I say and stuff. I'm not anxious. I'm an extrovert and really love being with people... except this one, apparently.

 

In the light of day, these things don't seem like such a big deal - not like they did 8 hours ago. Now more than anything I'm just exhausted and wondering why holidays have to = stress when they are around.

 

And if anyone reads this and wants to try to tell me that the holiday/stress correlation is under my control and has nothing to do with the person, that's really unhelpful lol. I'm too tired for stuff I already know well. But I can't explain my reaction to them. I don't know why I act the way I do; I just know it's exhausting to be near them and have to interact with them in a group. I don't talk to them individually at all.

 

I wish I could know for sure if I really do act weird around them or if I'm just imagining it. Because if I am, I would love to stop. I don't know if it's exhausting for me because I'm acting weird or if it's exhausting for me just because they are present and it would be no matter what, even if I went totally out of character and sat next to the wall for the entire day lol. :)

Some people are like oil and water together. No idea why. Sounds like you and your relative are one of those.

 

I hear people say, "I don't care what anyone thinks about me," and I'm not sure that that's true or is a good thing. We are highly social creatures. It's possibly our defining characteristic.

 

When I was a child, about 98% of the kids at school hated me. I was awkward and nerdy and always said the wrong thing. I got very, very used to having people actively hate me. Just like with you and your relative, they didn't know the real me. They just saw my bad clothes and hair and my shy, awkward ways and had an instant dislike of me. (I was raised by a man with undx'd aspergers and a woman with undx'd anxiety issues. I did not know how to act in social situations at all.)

 

And I might have said, "I don't care what they think!" but really I did. And really we all do. The thing is that I learned to do what I wanted to do and say what I wanted to say and be who I wanted to be regardless of their dislike of me.

 

It hit you hard that someone doesn't like you and it's a normal human reaction. To say, "I don't care what people think of me," isn't really a normal reaction or the right one. You do care and it's ok to care. It's not morally deficient to care that the other humans don't like you. It's a fundamental way we are wired.

 

It's getting to the place where you realize, "They don't like me...but I will not let it stop me from being who I am or doing what I want to do." It's very difficult. And it still hurts to be disliked. You can't just "get over it" in an hour or two. It's hard and it's ok if it's a struggle.

 

I finally learned how to get along with others in my 20s so I haven't had someone actively detest me in a number of years. But I clearly remember how disorienting and painful it can be. It's ok if it threw you for a loop. It doesn't mean you're weak.

Edited December 26, 2015 by Garga

[PeacefulChaos]

Some people are like oil and water together. No idea why. Sounds like you and your relative are one of those.

 

I hear people say, "I don't care what anyone thinks about me," and I'm not sure that that's true or is a good thing. We are highly social creatures. It's possibly our defining characteristic.

 

When I was a child, about 98% of the kids at school hated me. I was awkward and nerdy and always said the wrong thing. I got very, very used to having people actively hate me. Just like with you and your relative, they didn't know the real me. They just saw my bad clothes and hair and my shy, awkward ways and had an instant dislike of me. (I was raised by a man with undx'd aspergers and a woman with undx'd anxiety issues. I did not know how to act in social situations at all.)

 

And I might have said, "I don't care what they think!" but really I did. And really we all do. The thing is that I learned to do what I wanted to do and say what I wanted to say and be who I wanted to be regardless of their dislike of me.

 

It hit you hard that someone doesn't like you and it's a normal human reaction. To say, "I don't care what people think of me," isn't really a normal reaction or the right one. You do care and it's ok to care. It's not morally deficient to care that the other humans don't like you. It's a fundamental way we are wired.

 

It's getting to the place where you realize, "They don't like me...but I will not let it stop me from being who I am or doing what I want to do." It's very difficult. And it still hurts to be disliked. You can't just "get over it" in an hour or two. It's hard and it's ok if it's a struggle.

 

I finally learned how to get along with others in my 20s so I haven't had someone actively detest me in a number of years. But I clearly remember how disorienting and painful it can be. It's ok if it threw you for a loop. It doesn't mean you're weak.

Thanks.  I needed to hear this, I think.  :)

[Dmmetler]

DFIL attempted to engage DD11 in a tirade on how awful all the big snakes are in the Everglades and now they're ruining the ecosystem. The only thing that kept it from being a total disaster was that DH whisked her away before she responded and they really got going-leaving me to try to explain that a) DD has a lot more knowledge about Burmese pythons, invasive species, and ecology in general and in specific than has appeared in the Orlando Sentinel (like several years of reading every journal article on the topic and going to a LOT of research talks on it, and that b) some of her best friends are Burmese pythons and their keepers-so for her, when he's talking about "irresponsible owners" and how "those monsters should never have been brought in", he's talking about her friends and about animals that she loves.

 

He didn't get it. DD's had a rough Christmas in general (her cousin who used to be the closest to her has obviously now ranked DD with her younger sisters as "an annoying kid to be ignored", and DD hasn't handled it well), and she really didn't need that from someone who she doesn't feel like she can respond to as freely as she'd respond to someone else.

[PeacefulChaos]

Christmas morning I got a cute pic of the 3 kids in front of the tree like always. We opened all the gifts and we're waiting for the monkey bread to be ready, and I texted the picture to each of the grandparents separately (so each of them - MIL, FIL, my grandpa, my grandma - would have a copy on their phone.

As I was sending it, I actually had this fleeting thought that my mom would probably like one.

It was the first time I'd forgotten. She passed away a year and a half ago. It was weird to forget and then realize it a second into the thought.

It made me a little teary. I wasn't close to her, but still sometimes it sucks to remember that your mom is dead.

[Arctic Bunny]

I had a open hysterectomy 10 days ago today. I wasn't wanting one and am not thrilled that I've had to go through the surgery. I feel upset, if you want the truth.

So, this is what dh got me. I thought it was a joke. We don't really even get each other much. I would have rather received a nice James Avery charm- not something that reminds me that I've just had my innards ripped out.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/199040809/anatomical-womb-charm?ref=shop_home_active_8

Maybe someone can convince me that receiving this was sweet and thoughtful? I really am not receiving it that way.

I'm so sorry about your surgery. I have to believe your DH meant it to be sweet, because finding that was probably a lot of effort :) At least they didn't send the stomach/intestines charm by mistake. That's probably for tummy tucks or gastric bypass....