Toy messes and mean moms

[PIE!]

I need you to tell me how mean my plan is so I don’t inflict it on my children.

 

I am tired of the mess. The toys are everywhere. Not because children are playing imaginatively with toys, but because they love the toy bins so much that they dump out all the toys in order to play with the bins.

 

We have purged toys, and will again. But considering that I have five kids, they don’t really have that many toys. But we live in a small house, and 5 kids worth of toys dumped out in a small house means I feel like I can't breathe.

 

When they do the big dump, they have to clean it up, but it takes a lot of work from me to get them to do it. And then they forget their lesson a few weeks later, and dump it all again. I am tired of repeating this life lesson.

 

When I was growing up I loved to play inside my toy box and would dump it out so I could. I understand the allure. I’m not upset that they use imaginations or act like children. Just annoyed at the mess and the work required to remedy the situation.

 

When I was growing up I had one friend whose house was ALWAYS clean. Though I had no concept of keeping a house clean, I loved that hers always was clean. It made playing more fun if we actually had room. One thing her parents did to take care of the toy problem was to keep all the toys way out of reach. When we wanted to play with my friend’s horses or Barbies, we’d have to ask her parents to please get down the crate holding whichever set of toys we wanted. Afterward we would put them all back in the crate. No other toys would be retrieved for us until we had cleaned up the one set. We did this sometimes, especially if the weather was bad. But I remember mostly playing outside and using our imaginations.

 

Do I dare inflict this on my kids? Not letting them have free access to their toys? Only letting one set of toys out at a time? Probably saying “no†a lot when they want toys and I’m busy cooking or something?

 

I’m in a sort of irrational grumpy mood right now. It seems like a sound idea, but I need sensible people to tell me the truth.

[JustEm]

That seems extreme to me. My kids would revolt and start attempting to get the toys themselves because they play with multiple kinds together. Have you tried getting bins just so they can play in them? That would be my first solution.

[maize]

Were there five children at your friend's house?

 

I can tell you what happens at my house when there are no toys accessible:

 

Paper gets cut into bits

Pots and pans get played with

All the blankets and sheets are pulled off the beds

Dirt and rocks find their way in from outside

Books are used as building blocks

 

Around here, at least, cutting out the toys does absolutely nothing to cut down on mess.

 

YMMV

Edited December 21, 2015 by maize

[maize]

That seems extreme to me. My kids would revolt and start attempting to get the toys themselves because they play with multiple kinds together. Have you tried getting bins just so they can play in them? That would be my first solution.

Getting them bins to play in was my first thought as well!

[Guest]

I did that regularly.

Until I got smart and the only toys DS is allowed to keep are the ones that will fit into shallow plastic tubs under his bed.  If it doesn't fit, he gets rid of something else to make it fit, or if it's too big, he can make a rational argument on why he should be able to keep and where EXACTLY it will be kept.

 

If he wants a larger container to play in/with, he can a) build one out of the wood in the garage, b) wait for an amazon delivery or c) get over it.

[barnwife]

(Our oldest is 5, so take my answer with a grain of salt.)

I don't think it'd be that bad. However, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could put most things away where they'd need to ask, but keep out 1 or 2 things.

That's what we do. They have free reign on little kitchen stuff, dollhouse stuff, dress up stuff, and cars/vehicles as a general rule. But legos, constructs, blocks, play-doh, etc.. have to be asked for. 

[maize]

I do know people who successfully rotate out toys. So, divide the toys up into sets (ponies, duplos, play food, etc) let the kids keep two or three sets out at a time (or whatever is appropriate for the number and ages and interest of your kids) then store away the rest. You can rotate things regularly or maybe allow the kids to trade set for set with permission.

[abba12]

Your friends plan likely won't work well for a large family. But for little ones we have toy rotations, so all the toys are in three tubs, but they only get one tub each week. They only have a third of their toys available at a time which reduces mess, and makes the toys more interesting since they are fresh every week or two. Big sets, like blocks or train sets or play farm animals, were in their own tubs, and the rule was that only one tub may be out at a time, the rest are out of reach for all but the oldest, who has permission to get them down if the previous tub is cleaned and away. (they are allowed to ask permission to use multiple tubs at once, like when they want to use their animals and the train set together to make a city, but they have to ask first)

 

For older ones, I've heard of the concept of a toy lending library. Everything goes into tubs, and the child can have, say, one big tub and three little tubs at a time. They have to 'trade in' the current tubs to get new ones. We haven't used this yet but it's an idea I've kept in the back of my mind for awhile. 

[BarbecueMom]

Were there five children at your friend's house?

 

I can tell you what happens at my house when there are no toys accessible:

 

Paper gets cut into bits

Pots and pans get played with

All the blankets and sheets are pulled off the beds

Dirt and rocks find their way in from outside

Books are used as building blocks

 

Around here, at least, cutting out the toys does absolutely nothing to cut down on mess.

 

YMMV

This this this this this this this this this...

 

I have most of the toys picked up right now for deep cleaning, and my kids are running around with PVC pipes, wearing blankets fastened with the clips from their clothes hangers, and homemade paper plate Kylo Ren masks. The rest of the pipes, the hangers, the clothes from those hangers, and the stuff used to make the masks are distributed tornadically (if that wasn't a word before, it is now) throughout the house.

 

I fantasize about having them ask for everything and pick it up as soon as they're done, but none of us are with it enough to make that system work.

 

I also have a child who can play for hours with cardboard boxes. And then he wakes up very early one morning, shreds the boxes into slivers like a human paper shredder (with scissors, hands, or even teeth), and tosses it around like a snow globe.

 

Why do kids have to act their ages? Where's their temporary adult buttons?

Edited December 21, 2015 by BarbecueMom

[myfunnybunch]

I'm a mom of five also. Two grown, the others teens/preteens, now. But they were all little once. Here's what I picture:

The craziness from the mess replaced by craziness from constant, "Can I play with? Will you get me? I'm done with this one, can I get that one? No, I didn't want that after all. What should I play with, Mom?"

 

Toy mess, and making independent play choices, is a part of having five young(ish) ones in the house. In the short term, it can be crazy-making. In the longer run, they will learn eventually. I promise. Mine did, anyway. The ones who've moved out actually clean up their own messes all on their own, so I think they turned out all right. :D

 

One strategy I used that did make a moderate change without much effort on my part was the Stuff Box in the garage. If I saw toys abandoned on the floor, and no one in sight to clean them up, I'd pick them up without remark and put them in the box in the garage. I didn't put a cutesy sign on it or require chores to get the things back, but the kids didn't like having to go out into the garage to find That Really Important Thing that they couldn't find. (And if no one missed it, I'd quietly put it into the Goodwill box or away for the next child when they reached the age they'd enjoy that toy.)

 

:grouphug: 'Tis the season to get a bit overwhelmed by stuff anyway. Hang in there. :)

 

 

[Joker]

Sometimes we would rotate toys when they were little. We also kept cardboard boxes in the garage and let them do whatever with them. Mine would have never gone for one set of toys at a time. They would often build with Legos for Barbies, Polly Pockets, and plastic animals to live in.

[Farrar]

Another vote to 1) get some extra bins and 2) remove half (or a third or two thirds or whatever seems appropriate) of the toy bins and rotate them around so that you haven't gotten rid of the toys but there are simply are fewer of them.

 

Like others, I think having them available to the kids to play with and make their own choices is important. And, like Maize said, around here, when they can't get to the toys, they find other things to wreck.

[PIE!]

Thanks for talking some sense into me. 

 

Getting extra bins wouldn't work. We actually have extra bins. And they have all sorts of things they've made out of boxes. But they want to use EVERY bin or box or other container they can find. I have to keep up on taking out the recycling because it gets raided often for imaginative supplies.

 

I've been planning on a toy purge soon. That will probably help a bit. And kids will grow up. Who knows, maybe someday when they're all grown up I'll miss the creative mess.

 

Off to bed I go. Good night.

 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

I do not have big bins. Instead each type of toy is in a different container. Some containers are stored in different rooms.

Toys in the bedroom are not in a container at all but stored on bookshelves. Twins have to help pick up toys and put them on bedroom shelf before they come out after nap time. Toys stored in play section of lounge room have to be put back in container before another container can be emptied. Expensive toys that I use for therapy are stored in kitchen and can only be played with at kitchen table. Once again only one type at a time can be taken out. It was pretty easy to train the twins on how to do this.

 

This is how my older children treated their toys as well.

 

We have a huge verandah with lots of boxes etc outside

[Guest]

We have had no issue with toy boxes and containers. I allow one out per room, and if they want to mix them they must ask (mostly to keep the baby safe from small pieces). There are two rooms available so two different sets can be out at once, plus kitchen table activities. My kids know they have half an hour to play before they can rotate, and must clean up each activity completely before they can move on. That limits the destructive messes because they are regularly cleaned up, and lots of toys can be played with because there is never too many out at once.

 

If it takes longer than 15 minutes to clean up it is too much.

 

My kids are also encouraged to take boxes and extra building materials outside and play creatively there. I allow Niger and longer standing creations in the yard.

 

My kids don't cut random things up or get into trouble because they're not bored - the rotation of free time activities really prevents much of the dumping and mess me boredom we saw before, because they don't play *so* long that they get tired of the toys.

 

This has worked since my oldest was two.

Edited December 21, 2015 by Arctic Mama

[Ausmumof3]

I've tried this before on various friends advice and it never works for long. I think you are either a one toy box type or you aren't. I'm not so I give in quickly.

 

I second getting some bins or saving some boxes for them to play with.

 

Eta it does depend on the ages and no of kids. Obviously when you have small babies and toddlers you have to be a bit more restrictive to keep stuff safe.

Edited December 21, 2015 by Ausmumof3

[Jennifer132]

We do a toy library. We store all the toys in one room on a cube shelf from IKEA. The older kids can have one Lego bin and one other bin out at a time. I'm not super strict, but for sure they aren't getting out all the toys at once. The younger kids have a playroom area with kitchen toys, some books and baby toys. They usually will have one or two bins out together besides that stuff to play with. Then they must put it back in order to get something else.

[Excelsior! Academy]

My youngest dds' room has been organized.  They have bookshelves that hold a few books and toys in canvas bins.  They are encouraged to get out only one type of toy at a time (which rarely happens!) and to do the bulk of the room pick up.  I'll say something along the lines of, "DD1, please pick up all of the kitchen set and put it away.  DD2, please pick up any Pet Shops and put them away.  DD3, please put away dress up clothes."  Because the toys are somewhat purged and have clear storage areas it is pretty simple to pick up.  If the room isn't picked up, they are reminded with specific, not global tasks.  If the room regularly continues to be a mess, it is due to a few factors.

 

1. They haven't been trained well enough.  

Easy to remedy!  Just encourage and demonstrate.

 

2. The organization is lacking.  

Maybe a bit more challenging.  Think outside of the box.

 

3.  They have too many items.  

Purge or store and rotate.

Edited December 21, 2015 by Excelsior! Academy

[rebbyribs]

It sounds a bit extreme to me, but my kids only have free access to about 1/3 of their toys at any given time.  We have a cleanup session in the late afternoon, and when that goes really badly, I move another bin or two of the toys that were out up to the attic to make cleanup easier the next day.  Conversely, when cleanup goes well, I'm happy to swap toys and bring out a new bin or two.  Access to art supplies and board games is also somewhat limited.

[myfunnybunch]

Who knows, maybe someday when they're all grown up I'll miss the creative mess.

 

Well.....I dunno if I'd go that far..... :P

[MerryAtHope]

 

When they do the big dump, they have to clean it up, but it takes a lot of work from me to get them to do it. And then they forget their lesson a few weeks later, and dump it all again. I am tired of repeating this life lesson.

 I think this is a lot of the issue. Yes, cutting the number of toys in half and rotating them will help a lot. But it shouldn't be a lot of work for you to get them to do it. They should obey when it's time to clean up. I would sit them all down, family meeting style and say that it's fine if they want to dump toys and play in the bins, but they need to obey when you say it's time to clean up, first time (and I'm assuming that you are a reasonable person, may give a 5 minute warning until clean-up time etc... so they know it's coming). If they don't, any toys not picked up within 20 minutes (I would actually set a timer for whatever time amount you feel is reasonable), and without complaining, then the remaining toys will go to toy jail. Toys in toy jail live in a box(es) in a place mom designates (our toy jail was in my closet). First infraction, they stay there a week. Second infraction with the same toys, they stay there a month. Third, the toys are donated. Use a sticky note to mark the date on the box if needed.

 

If there is too much to clean up, then yes, cutting the amount will help. But let's face it, it's really not that hard to scoop up toys and put them back in a bin. If they are complaining/whining/stalling/giving you a hard time and not cleaning up--that's the core issue. 

 

I'd tell them that you hope they will clean up with good attitudes because they are thankful they have toys. But, if they are not thankful for their toys and don't want to clean them up, you'll donate them to children who will be thankful for them. 

 

I used to also keep a box where my kids could put toys for donation, and they often (as they got older) came to the conclusion that they'd be happier with fewer things. 

 

Hang in there!

[EmseB]

Thanks for talking some sense into me.

 

Getting extra bins wouldn't work. We actually have extra bins. And they have all sorts of things they've made out of boxes. But they want to use EVERY bin or box or other container they can find. I have to keep up on taking out the recycling because it gets raided often for imaginative supplies.

 

I've been planning on a toy purge soon. That will probably help a bit. And kids will grow up. Who knows, maybe someday when they're all grown up I'll miss the creative mess.

 

Off to bed I go. Good night.

Can there be a rule that says bins holding toys can't be used for whatever creation they are working on? It sounds like they have plenty accessible materials without dumping, so I'd just say we don't use toy bins for this, but here's all the other stuff you can use. As long as it's clean, raiding the recycling honestly sounds like a better option.

 

I feel your pain, though. My boys made a "club" in our side yard and it looks like a hobo lives out there. But, they don't have access to anything they want to use for their club.

[kiwik]

I would put the toys in bags or pillow cases inside the bins.  That way they can pull them out and put them in easily.  Of course I am lazy and don't care that much if the house is messy.

[mom2att]

I would put the toys in bags or pillow cases inside the bins.  That way they can pull them out and put them in easily.  Of course I am lazy and don't care that much if the house is messy.

 

I nominate this answer as the most practical and applicable to the OP's situation. Gold star for kiwik!

 

We have a smallish house and a lot of toys. Only three kids, and they are big now, but as a former preschool teacher I sort of automatically set stuff up in a preschoolish format from the beginning--toys in bins according to their purpose, put one bin away before you ask to get another one out. My boys liked to make elaborate "sets" using a variety of toys, and in this case they just got out the bins they wanted, removed the toy they wanted, and kept building. People think kids can't be creative if they don't have access to all the toys, all the time, but for my kids knowing there was a place for every toy and that a certain toy they were looking for could easily be found by locating the right bin didn't stifle their creativity, it helped focus it.

 

Of course brains are wired differently, and there are quite possibly some kids for whom random piles would really get the creative juices flowing. But this mama can't think straight surrounded by mess, so our toy storage was not random. It didn't mean there was never a mess, and it meant I spent a lot of time helping to put everything back where it belonged, especially when friends who were not used to our way of doing things came over, but it all worked out in the end.

[Amira]

I would put the toys in bags or pillow cases inside the bins. That way they can pull them out and put them in easily. Of course I am lazy and don't care that much if the house is messy.

This is what I was going to suggest too. If the bins are part of the fun and getting more won't solve the problem, make them easy to use. If bags or pillowcases are too small, they can also dump the stuff onto a sheet or a piece of fabric to keep everything corralled and easy to dump back in later.

 

We had bin dumpers and children who turned everything into something fun to do. Using old sheets for the stuff in the bins saved me.

[Ellie]

When I was growing up I had one friend whose house was ALWAYS clean. Though I had no concept of keeping a house clean, I loved that hers always was clean. It made playing more fun if we actually had room. One thing her parents did to take care of the toy problem was to keep all the toys way out of reach. When we wanted to play with my friend’s horses or Barbies, we’d have to ask her parents to please get down the crate holding whichever set of toys we wanted. Afterward we would put them all back in the crate. No other toys would be retrieved for us until we had cleaned up the one set. We did this sometimes, especially if the weather was bad. But I remember mostly playing outside and using our imaginations.

 

Do I dare inflict this on my kids? Not letting them have free access to their toys? Only letting one set of toys out at a time? Probably saying “no†a lot when they want toys and I’m busy cooking or something?

 

 

YES!

[TammyS]

 

 

When I was growing up I had one friend whose house was ALWAYS clean. Though I had no concept of keeping a house clean, I loved that hers always was clean. It made playing more fun if we actually had room. One thing her parents did to take care of the toy problem was to keep all the toys way out of reach. When we wanted to play with my friend’s horses or Barbies, we’d have to ask her parents to please get down the crate holding whichever set of toys we wanted. Afterward we would put them all back in the crate. No other toys would be retrieved for us until we had cleaned up the one set. We did this sometimes, especially if the weather was bad. But I remember mostly playing outside and using our imaginations.

 

Do I dare inflict this on my kids? Not letting them have free access to their toys? Only letting one set of toys out at a time? Probably saying “no†a lot when they want toys and I’m busy cooking or something?

 

 

 

I don't see a problem with this.  Nor would I consider it mean. 

 

I think your problem, though, is that there are too many toys.  They may not have "a lot for 5 kids", but it's still a lot, total, I'm guessing. 

 

Two more things to consider:

 

Limit the space in which they can play.  My youngest likes to dump also, so I let him dump his stuff behind the chairs in the living room (we don't do toys in the bedroom).  It's out of the walk way, so it doesn't annoy me so much. 

 

Have a few "put away" periods during the day.  I like to have put away just before lunch and bedtime.  You have to give them plenty of time to get it done, but not too much (because if it's too much, they'll dawdle).  I give 15 minutes.  If the toys don't get picked up in that time, no problem.  I just move the kid on to lunch/bed, then I pick up the toys and they're gone forever.  It's not a punishment.  It's working the toys down to an amount that is manageable in the time frame that I'm willing to give it (which is 15 minutes). 

[SparklyUnicorn]

no

 

This time is short. 

 

 

[kewb]

I understand the appeal of a toy free floor and everything put away but I loved the toy chaos when mine were younger. It wasn't a free for all but there was a lot of cross play that wouldn't have happened if I stuck to the one toy at a time rule.

 

There is a balance. It can be difficult to find. But one day they will be grown. What memory do you want them to have? Mom was a pia about cleaning up the toys and made getting them like selling your first born or I remember playing with everything and barbie having wild west adventures and gi Joe scaling the dream house?

Mine had to clean up at the end of the day. Friends had to help clean up before they went home. I regularly purged and I did rotate.

Mine are now teens and my living room is sparkly but I kind of miss the chaos.

[Bluegoat]

I have friends with 9 kids.  They use a system much like you describe - toys are in bins by type, and to get a new set, they need to clean up and exchange. (They can play with two bins together if they want, say lego and dinosaurs, but they can't leave the dinosaurs doing nothing while they get out the lego.)

 

There is a small bin with some baby toys that is always out, and the oldest kids organize their own things - very neatly.

 

I think this is a really good system, not only in terms of neatness, but I think it actually is good for play.

 

Edited December 21, 2015 by Bluegoat

[BlsdMama]

I need you to tell me how mean my plan is so I don’t inflict it on my children.

 

I am tired of the mess. The toys are everywhere. Not because children are playing imaginatively with toys, but because they love the toy bins so much that they dump out all the toys in order to play with the bins.

 

We have purged toys, and will again. But considering that I have five kids, they don’t really have that many toys. But we live in a small house, and 5 kids worth of toys dumped out in a small house means I feel like I can't breathe.

 

When they do the big dump, they have to clean it up, but it takes a lot of work from me to get them to do it. And then they forget their lesson a few weeks later, and dump it all again. I am tired of repeating this life lesson.

 

When I was growing up I loved to play inside my toy box and would dump it out so I could. I understand the allure. I’m not upset that they use imaginations or act like children. Just annoyed at the mess and the work required to remedy the situation.

 

When I was growing up I had one friend whose house was ALWAYS clean. Though I had no concept of keeping a house clean, I loved that hers always was clean. It made playing more fun if we actually had room. One thing her parents did to take care of the toy problem was to keep all the toys way out of reach. When we wanted to play with my friend’s horses or Barbies, we’d have to ask her parents to please get down the crate holding whichever set of toys we wanted. Afterward we would put them all back in the crate. No other toys would be retrieved for us until we had cleaned up the one set. We did this sometimes, especially if the weather was bad. But I remember mostly playing outside and using our imaginations.

 

Do I dare inflict this on my kids? Not letting them have free access to their toys? Only letting one set of toys out at a time? Probably saying “no†a lot when they want toys and I’m busy cooking or something?

 

I’m in a sort of irrational grumpy mood right now. It seems like a sound idea, but I need sensible people to tell me the truth.

 

 

How old are they? 

 

Here's the deal.  Grown-ups can't organize crazy amounts of clutter, I have no idea why we expect kids to do it.  And they dig through stuff to look for OTHER stuff.

 

My toybox now holds out of season shoes in my basement.  

 

We have three milk-crates that hold toys.  Honestly, they barely play with those.  (One has play food, one has wooden blocks, then one has doll stuff/misc.)

 

Legos go in a lego table with a lego board top.  We made it from Pinterest instructions.

Lincoln logs go in a lincoln log container.

I have some plastic containers with lids that hold magnetic letters, plastic animals, play-doh tools, pattern blocks, and puzzles.  They are on a bookshelf.

 

 

Less is more.

You can get rid of stuff but if you unintentionally collect or bring more into the house, you find yourself in the exact same place.

We have to be very intentional with 11 kids and grandmas who buy Christmas presents, kwim?

 

I've figured out a few things.

I can care for humans or stuff.  I have to take care of humans.  It's a legal thing. ;)

 

They cannot take care of a lot of stuff, being children and all... they have limited abilities and organizational skills, kwim?

And I am not willing (or capable) to care for a lot of stuff FOR them.

So we can't have a lot of stuff.

 

No toy room here.

No toy box.

And I feel sane a reasonable percentage of the time.  And, yes, I think it borders on mean to overwhelm kids with so much stuff that they really can't be expected to care for it and then get mad at them for being kids.  Goodness, if I get too much stuff in *MY* room and it looks like a hurricane hit it.  

 

[BlsdMama]

I'll add that if you have a very limited amount of toys - your kids do something else instead.  My kids spend a LOT of time reading, listening to music, and doing art related stuff, drawing, coloring, tracing, play-doh, etc.

 

I'm not sad that they do this instead of dumping and sorting plastic crap. But I'm not a big plastic fan. ;)  Plus, if  you pay close attention to what holds their attention, you'll realize it's probably only about 10% of what you own.

[Lady Florida.]

Absolutely. I think the thread title is spot on. Kids make messes. Kids grow up, and you find yourself longing to time travel back to a day when they're in the middle of a toy-filled messy room just so you can drink it all in. Good grief, imaginative play is a child's purpose. As long as they're not wiping cr@p on the walls and destroying things, then I say "momma-up" and do your job and help them. Teach them it's ok to mix up toys, teach them messiness is not a sin, teach them how to straighten things when they're done, let them know that you care more about them than having a toy free room. Give them a space that is theirs to control. Don't be a dictator who permanently takes away toys because the CHILD didn't pick them up fast enough. You're setting yourself up for regrets later. Kids are not stupid. They can easily sort belongings into containers, but give them a say so. They'll most likely agree that there are toys that they no longer need. Making toys permanently disappear ( ones they actually care about)simply because it bothers the adult? Yes, you goofed up somewhere earlier in their "training" ( we all have)and yes, I'd have to say that's a bit mean. But you've got time to change and adapt. Ymmv, of course😜.

... This is not specifically towards the OP, but to some of the other responses,

 

:hurray:  :hurray:  :hurray:

[KungFuPanda]

Maybe reduce toys to a smallish bin for each child, so that's five bins. If they want a different bin that's in storage, they have to trade in one of the five. They'll likely work together to plan which 5 they want ready access too, like Legos, dolls, blocks, coloring books, and cars. I think giant catch-all bins are a recipe for disaster. If the giant bin is making you crazy, get rid of it. They'll find something else to do. Maybe replace it with a pop up tent that can be stored flat when not in use?

[TammyS]

 

 

They cannot take care of a lot of stuff, being children and all... they have limited abilities and organizational skills, kwim?

And I am not willing (or capable) to care for a lot of stuff FOR them.

So we can't have a lot of stuff.

 

<snip>

 

.  And, yes, I think it borders on mean to overwhelm kids with so much stuff that they really can't be expected to care for it ...

 

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:  100%

[Ellie]

no

 

This time is short. 

 

That "time is short" does not mean that our children will have deficient childhoods if they are not allowed to strew toys all over the house.

 

It is good for our children to learn to be responsible with their belongings and considerate of the other people who share their living space. It is also good for them to learn to be creative in their environments without having to have a Tonka toy or a Barbie or even Legos.

[SparklyUnicorn]

That "time is short" does not mean that our children will have deficient childhoods if they are not allowed to strew toys all over the house.

 

It is good for our children to learn to be responsible with their belongings and considerate of the other people who share their living space. It is also good for them to learn to be creative in their environments without having to have a Tonka toy or a Barbie or even Legos.

 

I did not say that.  We buy our children these toys, then we get upset when they play with them so we get rid of them or lock them up.  Makes no sense to me.  Like it's the end of the world that there are toys strewn about?

 

Not the end of the world to me.

 

Mine are 10 and 13 and they don't play with these sorts of toys anymore.  That time was short.

[Mimm]

The reason I always have a messy house is that having a clean house is a lower priority to me than other things. It's more important that my kids be able to make messy art. More important that the books are easily accessible so they are always picking them up and asking me to read them. More important that the toys are are easy to play with. On the surface, one tub at a time doesn't seem so bad. But what happens when they want to build a lego castle for their My Little Ponies to live in? But those are separate tubs? They might not even think to do such a thing unless they have both tubs available.

 

If they want to play with the tubs, can they use something else to dump the toys in? Walmart bags? Pillow cases? Something that keeps the toys separated so you can just dump them back in the tubs when tub time is over? :)

[Guest]

I did not say that. We buy our children these toys, then we get upset when they play with them so we get rid of them or lock them up. Makes no sense to me. Like it's the end of the world that there are toys strewn about?

 

Not the end of the world to me.

 

Mine are 10 and 13 and they don't play with these sorts of toys anymore. That time was short.

Time is less short when you're looking at half a dozen to a dozen kids and thirty years of parenting smaller people along with bigger people. Most mamas I know with more than one or two kiddos or smaller real estate have had to institute some system to help keep it organized. And most really get annoyed when someone tells you how short the time is and you calculate it to be approximately a third to half of your adult life.

 

I organize and keep things pared down for my kids so I can function AND they can, too. Too much noise/mess/chaos lowers the fun factor for everyone. And when it is year after year after year of it the coping strategies may look a little bit different. We are right in the middle of moving all our kids to one room and all the toys, books, and clothes to another. Sorting and organizing and routine for cleaning up that isn't impossible is absolutely necessary to maintaining their space. That's half of why we are moving things to begin with - toys in the bedroom were getting pushed under the bed, ending up in the baby's mouth, or being lost or destroyed by smaller siblings. Too much means they clean up with a grumpy attitude - just like *I* do when a task looks huge. Limiting the mess made at any one time is as much for their sake as mine.

 

And whether or not the time is short (I completely detest that phrase), if I lose my s*** in the meantime because it is to chaotic to function, it's a bad choice for the family. They like a peaceful mommy, I like a peaceful house. Piles of uncontrolled toy clutter are the antithesis of both of those things. Kids have WAY too much stuff these days as it is, and it overwhelms them as surely as it overwhelms adults.

 

Otherwise Marie Kondo wouldn't have struck as much of a societal note as she did.

Edited December 21, 2015 by Arctic Mama

[fairfarmhand]

Here is a big rubbermaid tub. When you get the urge to dump your toys to play in the boxes, please use this instead.

 

:)

 

And I get it. I have ten years between my oldest and youngest which means that about 20 years of my life is/will be with bins of tiny things in the house.

 

 

Edited December 21, 2015 by fairfarmhand

[Lady Florida.]

Time is less short when you're looking at half a dozen to a dozen kids and thirty years of parenting smaller people along with bigger people. Most mamas I know with more than one or two kiddos or smaller real estate have had to institute some system to help keep it organized. And most really get annoyed when someone tells you how short the time is and you calculate it to be approximately a third to half of your adult life.

 

 

The children aren't the ones who made that choice.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Time is less short when you're looking at half a dozen to a dozen kids and thirty years of parenting smaller people along with bigger people. Most mamas I know with more than one or two kiddos or smaller real estate have had to institute some system to help keep it organized. And most really get annoyed when someone tells you how short the time is and you calculate it to be approximately a third to half of your adult life.

 

I organize and keep things pared down for my kids so I can function AND they can, too. Too much noise/mess/chaos lowers the fun factor for everyone. And when it is year after year after year of it the coping strategies may look a little bit different. We are right in the middle of moving all our kids to one room and all the toys, books, and clothes to another. Sorting and organizing and routine for cleaning up that isn't impossible is absolutely necessary to maintaining their space. That's half of why we are moving things to begin with - toys in the bedroom were getting pushed under the bed, ending up in the baby's mouth, or being lost or destroyed by smaller siblings. Too much means they clean up with a grumpy attitude - just like *I* do when a task looks huge. Limiting the mess made at any one time is as much for their sake as mine.

 

And whether or not the time is short (I completely detest that phrase), if I lose my s*** in the meantime because it is to chaotic to function, it's a bad choice for the family. They like a peaceful mommy, I like a peaceful house. Piles of uncontrolled toy clutter are the antithesis of both of those things. Kids have WAY too much stuff these days as it is, and it overwhelms them as surely as it overwhelms adults.

 

Otherwise Marie Kondo wouldn't have struck as much of a societal note as she did.

 

Fair enough.  I don't know anyone with more than two kids.  LOL 

 

[Lady Florida.]

Fair enough.  I don't know anyone with more than two kids.  LOL 

 

 

I do. Not all feel that way.

[wapiti]

I have no advice.  I am a total slacker in this area and my family room shows it.  I keep sane by maintaining certain areas mess-free the majority of the time - this includes the living room and dining room, where board games are often played but cleaned up soon after (er, if you don't mind overlooking that pile of math books on the end of the table).

 

It seems to me that different kids have different personalities when it comes to mess-making.  For my older three, they seemed to dramatically reduce their mess-making around 9-10.  My younger three (9, 7, 6) show no end in sight; my ds9 is very much a maker and is always imagining new ways to use just about anything.  I wait a long time and then throw away much of the stuff in his large plastic tubs.  Legos are an issue here too, as cleaning up lasts for a precious short amount of time, until just after I've finished sweeping/mopping.

 

I hate mess most when my mother comes to visit.  She is, shall we say, generous with her judgment.

 

 

[MedicMom]

We have a catch all toy box, but most of our toys are organized by type and only two bins are allowed out at a time. Messes are cleaned because we take care of the things we value, which for my five and three year old are toys. I purge anything that is broken or missing pieces. I rotate toys and pack things away when they've lost interest. Art supplies are always available, but the toys they were playing with are picked up first.

 

Nobody has died here yet because they weren't allowed to play with all their toys all at once. I'm sure when they are adults, they can discuss it in a therapy session if they really feel the need.

Edited December 21, 2015 by MedicMom

[fairfarmhand]

Time is less short when you're looking at half a dozen to a dozen kids and thirty years of parenting smaller people along with bigger people. Most mamas I know with more than one or two kiddos or smaller real estate have had to institute some system to help keep it organized. And most really get annoyed when someone tells you how short the time is and you calculate it to be approximately a third to half of your adult life.

 

I organize and keep things pared down for my kids so I can function AND they can, too. Too much noise/mess/chaos lowers the fun factor for everyone. And when it is year after year after year of it the coping strategies may look a little bit different. We are right in the middle of moving all our kids to one room and all the toys, books, and clothes to another. Sorting and organizing and routine for cleaning up that isn't impossible is absolutely necessary to maintaining their space. That's half of why we are moving things to begin with - toys in the bedroom were getting pushed under the bed, ending up in the baby's mouth, or being lost or destroyed by smaller siblings. Too much means they clean up with a grumpy attitude - just like *I* do when a task looks huge. Limiting the mess made at any one time is as much for their sake as mine.

 

And whether or not the time is short (I completely detest that phrase), if I lose my s*** in the meantime because it is to chaotic to function, it's a bad choice for the family. They like a peaceful mommy, I like a peaceful house. Piles of uncontrolled toy clutter are the antithesis of both of those things. Kids have WAY too much stuff these days as it is, and it overwhelms them as surely as it overwhelms adults.

 

Otherwise Marie Kondo wouldn't have struck as much of a societal note as she did.

 

And if the older kids are annoyed because they can't find their stuff...

 

That's unfair too.

 

I'm not a neatnik. I don't ask for spartanly clean. But I do understand large family chaos and it's just rough to have five children with crap everywhere.

 

[kewb]

 

I hate mess most when my mother comes to visit. She is, shall we say, generous with her judgment.

If it makes you feel any better my mother loves to say that when you visit my sister's house you would never think that children live there and when you visit my house you would think only children live there. So, I get it.

 

As I said earlier in the thread you have to find the balance that works for you. My sister's house is spotless. Even when her kids were toddlers. Toys were only allowed in the playroom and a few in the bedroom. What my mother neglects to take into account when she makes her statement is that my sister has full time help to keep her house spotless.

[myfunnybunch]

Nobody has died here yet because they weren't allowed to play with all their toys all at once. I'm sure when they are adults, they can discuss it in a therapy session if they really feel the need.

 

To be fair, I don't think anyone has advocated for children being allowed to play with every single toy they own and then leave all of the toys laying around willy-nilly.

 

The question was whether it is extreme to put all of the toys away where the children cannot reach them and can only get them out with adult permission. Some people think it is an extreme measure; others do not. Meh. Different strokes, right?

 

But valuing independent play choices does not exclude also valuing teaching children to make good choices with their toys or teaching them to pick up after themselves, and framing it in this way doesn't really further productive discussion or problem-solving.

[shawthorne44]

Has anyone had success with a designated playroom?   And making a rule that the toys can leave that room only while being actively played with?  

[kroe1]

I always had the one toy rule at my house. I like clean rooms also. My kids have grown up fine, imaginative, and relatively happy.