Wwyd? Christmas related.

[Alicia64]

Dh grew up w/ different Christmases than me. His were sparse while my parents at least made it look grand.

 

We buy our boys various gifts that we think they'd love (games, new socks, gift cert. to favorite smoothie place etc.)

 

No grandparents so no grandparent gifts. A good friend always sends them something fun.

 

The boys also make a wish list of about three items of toys they'd really like. (I'm up for buying all three, but Dh wants to keep it to one.)

 

Nutshell: Dh bought one of the wish list toys -- Lego -- in front of son. Son totally knew what was going on and the idea of a "surprise" on Xmas morning was gone. Since it was bought, son has even complained a bit about actually knowing about the gift. Kind of like: the fun of the surprise is gone.

 

Dh thinks I'm nuts for being upset w/ him. Dh is implying that I'm completely overboard for wanting the surprise factor on Xmas morning. I'd like to get my son another gift so he can have the surprise.

 

Wwyd at this point? Buy a surprise gift or am I being overly reactive?

 

Alley

[Rosie_0801]

Uh, I'd tell DH he was too old to be playing party pooper and if he had some sort of deep seated emotional problem that drove him to sabotage harmless fun, I'd like to know about it right now.

 

And I'd probably buy everyone else another present to make myself feel better. DH might get a piece of coal or a Grinch mask.

Edited December 14, 2015 by Rosie_0801

[PrincessMommy]

no, you're not being overly reactive.  I'd buy him a surprise gift.  That is kind of the point of Christmas gifts.

[MamaBearTeacher]

Yes, buy a surprise gift, and a second gift for the other son too.

[bettyandbob]

Is it a Lego set your ds wants?

 

Would ds want an equivalent value set. You could return and get a different one.

 

Or you could still give if and get some dollar store surprise presents. Or a minifig.

 

I understand not wanting to go overboard, but I would have a problem with dh totally spoiling surprises. Ive been in charge of present purchases since the beginning so we've never had a problem.

 

If you can afford it maybe this year do two presents from the list. Next year tell dh you have the kids taken care of and take care of them by yourself.

[umsami]

If it is not a financial strain, then I'd buy another surprise gift for the kids.

 

I hate people who ruin the fun.

[maize]

Id also vote for return and get one of the other gifts on the list. Then your son would be really surprised!

[Catwoman]

I would be ripping mad if my dh ever pulled a stunt like that!

 

I would also go right out to the store to buy the other two gifts on each of your sons' lists.

 

And let the credit card bills be a nice little Christmas surprise for your dh. ;)

 

I will say that it was nice of your dh to want to get the Lego set for your son. It sounds like his heart was in the right place, but apparently he left his brain and common sense at home when he went to the store.

[marbel]

This is the kind of thing that messes up relationships between kids and parents.  I could see myself telling my husband he's an idiot for doing that, and then I'd go out and get another gift for each boy.

 

Sometimes my husband doesn't really get stuff like this (relationships, gifts, surprises).  He just doesn't.  Fortunately he knows he doesn't get it and defers to me on stuff like this, kwim?   Maybe your husband would be open to being told that he doesn't get it and to please talk to you on stuff like this before he alienates his kid?

[Alicia64]

Id also vote for return and get one of the other gifts on the list. Then your son would be really surprised!

 

This is a great idea, but the Lego set Dh bought is the very top item on ds's list. It's the best thing. A Dr. Who Lego set. :(

 

Everyone: thank you for understanding. If I go ahead and buy a second gift -- with my own money -- Dh is going to be livid with me. And that's part of the problem. There's no hitting or anything like that, but there will be plenty of passive-aggression if I buy the gifts.

 

Moderator: Please don't lock this thread. I won't say another word about Dh. I'll keep it to Christmas gifts.

 

Alley

[Rosie_0801]

Everyone: thank you for understanding. If I go ahead and buy a second gift -- with my own money -- Dh is going to be livid with me. And that's part of the problem. There's no hitting or anything like that, but there will be plenty of passive-aggression if I buy the gifts.

 

Ah yes. What's good for the gander, the goose had better not even think of.

 

 

I don't think there is a cure for that.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Joker]

I would still get another gift even if dh would be mad. I assume he will get over it eventually and probably won't repeat the mistake again.

[hornblower]

I'd say keep the gift, give it & also give another one as a surprise.

explain to dh that for you & the kids, the surprise is part of the fun of it & to not spoil it.

 

I think returning the present and not having it there would be hurtful to your child so I wouldn't recommend that. I think if I knew someone was planning to give me something and then it wasn't there, that would be upsetting.

[umsami]

Ugh...can you augment it with something smaller then? That maybe won't make your DH mad?

[Seeking Squirrels]

First I"m jealous that he's getting the DW lego set! I would buy another gift for both of them and hopefully keep any upset about that out of earshot of the kids.

[SKL]

I would be disappointed in dh as well.  I am not sure whether I would decide to change up the Christmas gift tradition though.  Maybe you could figure out a different way to add a surprise.

[Catwoman]

This is a great idea, but the Lego set Dh bought is the very top item on ds's list. It's the best thing. A Dr. Who Lego set. :(

 

Everyone: thank you for understanding. If I go ahead and buy a second gift -- with my own money -- Dh is going to be livid with me. And that's part of the problem. There's no hitting or anything like that, but there will be plenty of passive-aggression if I buy the gifts.

 

Moderator: Please don't lock this thread. I won't say another word about Dh. I'll keep it to Christmas gifts.

 

Alley

Not for anything, but his money is also your money. And if you can afford it and you want to spend the money on gifts for your children, your dh should suck it up and deal with it.

 

I would not get into the habit of letting your dh control you with passive-aggressive behavior. If you want to get the gifts for your kids, tell him that is exactly what you will be doing, and go out and buy them.

[Joanne]

{{OP}}

I am sorry you are in this position. Having to make choices to honor your kids being kids vs. DH's moods/tude is not a good choice to make.

[Alicia64]

Not for anything, but his money is also your money. And if you can afford it and you want to spend the money on gifts for your children, your dh should suck it up and deal with it.

 

I would not get into the habit of letting your dh control you with passive-aggressive behavior. If you want to get the gifts for your kids, tell him that is exactly what you will be doing, and go out and buy them.

 

Cat: you're 100 percent right, of course, but yeah, I have a 1/4-time job and we've sadly become a bit like this. A bit, not totally.

 

Re: paragraph 2. . . yeah, that ship has sailed. I've gotten into being controlled that way. But I'm going to do precisely what you've said.

 

Alley

[RootAnn]

I would get at least one more gift for each son, tell DH that I'm doing it & why and also have a talk with ds about not complaining about getting his top item!

 

Yes, the fun is gone. However, hello, AWESOME gift! If they make a list of their top three choices, chances are they are getting at least one of them at Christmas, right? So, the surprise isn't as huge as if they hadn't made the list in the first place.

[Alicia64]

{{OP}}

 

I am sorry you are in this position. Having to make choices to honor your kids being kids vs. DH's moods/tude is not a good choice to make.

 

Thanks Joanne. :(

[Anne in CA]

Some things are worth the fight. Moderator, don't be mad at me... PLEASEEEE. I would tell dh I am going to buy a surprise gift, I would keep it a surprise, even from DH, and I would go forward. If he wants to fight, I would let him, lol. But then, I'm scrappy like that.

[Alicia64]

Some things are worth the fight. Moderator, don't be mad at me... PLEASEEEE. I would tell dh I am going to buy a surprise gift, I would keep it a surprise, even from DH, and I would go forward. If he wants to fight, I would let him, lol. But then, I'm scrappy like that.

 

You rock! The problem is that I've learned w/ Dh that he'll hold a grudge for. ever.

 

But, yeah, this is my plan!

 

Thanks,

 

Alley

[hornblower]

what about if you got him a surprise too, kwim? nudge nudge wink wink? to be opened after kids are in bed? 

[Guest]

Can you be a little passive-aggressive right back at him? 

"Gee, honey, since DS is totally into Dr. Who and you got him that AWESOME Lego set, I couldn't help but get him all these accessories/add-ons to go with it!  This will be the best Christmas EVER for him! I know it!"  And get your other kid a bunch of smaller, related gifts to go with his one big one too.

 

ETA: I'm not married. And this could be why. So take it with a grain of salt. :)

Edited December 14, 2015 by WendyAndMilo

[Catwoman]

Cat: you're 100 percent right, of course, but yeah, I have a 1/4-time job and we've sadly become a bit like this. A bit, not totally.

 

Re: paragraph 2. . . yeah, that ship has sailed. I've gotten into being controlled that way. But I'm going to do precisely what you've said.

 

Alley

I'm glad you're going to stand up for yourself and do what you think is right for your kids.

 

If you have gotten into a pattern where your dh keeps getting his way by being passive aggressive, now is the time to put a stop to it. You are both still young and have a lifetime of marriage ahead of you, and now is the time to make the changes that will ensure that those are happy years where you both have equal say in the family decisions.

 

Don't wait to demand those changes. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get your dh to recognize and change the passive aggressive stuff. You don't want to wake up one day when you're 50 and wonder how it happened that you are always walking on eggshells around your dh and suppressing everything you want just so he won't treat you poorly. It's no way to live. You are a great person and you deserve better.

 

Try to appreciate the good things your dh does, and let him know about it, but don't let him get away with the passive aggressive behavior. Call him out on it and let him know you're done putting up with it. If he's upset about something, sit down with him and talk it out and get it settled, but once it's done, it's done, and he can't keep trying to make you miserable about it.

 

But really, you are both still young and this is the right time to deal with things like this. Your dh may not even realize what he's doing, so you need to let him know about it and insist that he treat you as an equal partner in the marriage.

[Rosie_0801]

That's very optimistic advice Cat. And I hope it works out for Alicia.

[mamiof5]

Oh my! You are definitely not overreacting, I'd be so mad. Your dh would scratch his head if he saw everything I go through to keep the surprise factor with our kids' Christmas gift. Would your ds be happy with a different Lego set? I'd definitely buy him another one, or one of his other presents on his list. I'd save this one for his birthday

[Tanaqui]

Not all individuals care about being surprised. I certainly don't - I tell my family what they're getting me for Christmas and my birthday, and then I go out and buy it. (I mean, I wouldn't do it this way if they complained, even jokingly, but they don't.)

 

It can be hard when you have one mindset to understand the other.

 

However, your son apparently told his dad he wanted the surprise. It's okay to have goofed up like this. It's not okay to then say that everybody else is wrong and "overreacting" because they do things differently from you. And then you say he'd be extremely disapproving if you just went and got all the kids a second gift, even though it sounds like you an afford it...?

 

You're not in the wrong here. I think you and your husband need to have a serious sit-down talk after the holidays, when nobody is stressed anymore, about what sort of things are and are not appropriate in a relationship. Manipulative behavior isn't. Not ever.

[Murphy101]

Wait.

 

So let me get this straight.

 

Kid asked for a VERY nice gift.

 

Kid got exactly what he wanted.

 

Kid is complaining bc he knows it and doesn't like how the giving of the gift happened.

 

Dh is the bad guy? Um no. Sure I'd tell dh to be more careful bc to some people the surprise is extra fun, and we would move on from there. There would be no drama and marital strife over this accident on his part.

 

I suppose if dh is a turd and this is just more of his turdy behavior then this actually has nothing to do with the gift or the kid.

 

I'm trying to fathom being okay with my kid complaining about getting exactly what he wanted bc it wasn't delivered how he wanted and drawing a blank. If he did, it would probably be met with stunned looks of "Why is this person complaining about getting exactly what they asked for?!"

 

No. I would not go get another gift. I for sure would not be arguing with my husband about it or retaliating in some manner over it.

 

Just. What? *smh*

[Catwoman]

Wait.

 

So let me get this straight.

 

Kid asked for a VERY nice gift.

 

Kid got exactly what he wanted.

 

Kid is complaining bc he knows it and doesn't like how the giving of the gift happened.

 

Dh is the bad guy? Um no. Sure I'd tell dh to be more careful bc to some people the surprise is extra fun, and we would move on from there. There would be no drama and marital strife over this accident on his part.

 

I suppose if dh is a turd and this is just more of his turdy behavior then this actually has nothing to do with the gift or the kid.

 

I'm trying to fathom being okay with my kid complaining about getting exactly what he wanted bc it wasn't delivered how he wanted and drawing a blank. If he did, it would probably be met with stunned looks of "Why is this person complaining about getting exactly what they asked for?!"

 

No. I would not go get another gift. I for sure would not be arguing with my husband about it or retaliating in some manner over it.

 

Just. What? *smh*

I can understand Alley's point completely, and I don't blame her ds for being disappointed that his Christmas surprise is ruined.

 

I think you are being very harsh here, Martha.

 

The poor kid didn't pitch a fit about it. He was disappointed. My ds is 15 and even he would have been disappointed because a big part of the fun of Christmas is the anticipation and the surprises.

[Catwoman]

That's very optimistic advice Cat. And I hope it works out for Alicia.

I hope so, too, Rosie. Alley is so nice.

[Joker]

I think it's perfectly fine for a child to express disappointment when the rules change suddenly. It doesn't sound like he's throwing a tantrum. Why can't he have a voice and express an opinion in his own home??

 

I also think the OP should be able to express her desires to her dh and they be met with respect. OP has stated that will not happen. So, I think it's perfectly acceptable for her to do what she feels is right. It's up to her dh to be mature about it and realize some people like surprises and not ruin that in the future. 

[Catwoman]

I think it's perfectly fine for a child to express disappointment when the rules change suddenly. It doesn't sound like he's throwing a tantrum. Why can't he have a voice and express an opinion in his own home??

 

I also think the OP should be able to express her desires to her dh and they be met with respect. OP has stated that will not happen. So, I think it's perfectly acceptable for her to do what she feels is right. It's up to her dh to be mature about it and realize some people like surprises and not ruin that in the future.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

I would have liked your post, but I ran out of likes a while ago. I hate it when I run out of likes!!! :angry:

[Murphy101]

I can understand Alley's point completely, and I don't blame her ds for being disappointed that his Christmas surprise is ruined.

 

I think you are being very harsh here, Martha.

 

The poor kid didn't pitch a fit about it. He was disappointed. My ds is 15 and even he would have been disappointed because a big part of the fun of Christmas is the anticipation and the surprises.

She says he is complaining.

 

Sure Christmas is also a time of learning to temper disappointments with appreciation. Every kid gets a disappointing gift at some point or gets a not really a surprise gift at some point at a Christmas or a birthday or whenever. Sure, no shame in a kid expressing that privately. I can see commiserating with my kid some in an "aw shucks" manner over it not being a surprise. And then we'd enjoy the gift and move on. And I noted that I'd talk to dh in private about it, and I'm fairly confident he'd take that into account in the future.

 

I think it is really harsh of everyone to presume the dh is a jerk. According to the OP, the previous 11 years this wasn't the norm, so I see no call to change everything bc of one mistake in a decade of Christmases or to start drawing lines in the sand and changing everything about the marriage because of it. Good grief. Yes, that does sound like an extreme reaction to a kid being disappointed by not being surprised by his gift.

 

It sounds like whatever is going in that house doesn't actually have anything to do with the kid or his gift so much as some marital fallout the parents are having.

[Harriet Vane]

Uh, I'd tell DH he was too old to be playing party pooper and if he had some sort of deep seated emotional problem that drove him to sabotage harmless fun, I'd like to know about it right now.

 

And I'd probably buy everyone else another present to make myself feel better. DH might get a piece of coal or a Grinch mask.

:iagree:  :iagree:  :iagree:

[Tanaqui]

She says he is complaining.

 

She said he "complained a bit". Not quite the same thing.

 

I see no call to change everything bc of one mistake in a decade of Christmases or to start drawing lines in the sand and changing everything about the marriage because of it.

 

Who said she should "change everything about the marriage"?

 

Yes, that does sound like an extreme reaction to a kid being disappointed by not being surprised by his gift.

 

But perhaps a reasonable reaction to a husband who will be "livid" or "passive-aggressive" if she spends her own, personal money to remedy this unfortunate situation.

 

It sounds like whatever is going in that house doesn't actually have anything to do with the kid or his gift so much as some marital fallout the parents are having.

 

No doubt. That's usually the way, isn't it? A small issue looks small until you see you only cared so much because there's other stuff going on.

[gardenmom5]

if money is not an issue - I'd buy a surprise gift.

 

and you dh is not thinking about his children the way a caring father would.  is he acting out disappointment for his childhood christmases - or is he just completely oblivious?   just because that was how he was raised - doesn't mean he has to raise his own children that way. 

 

I've completely changed how christmas is celebrated with my own children. I want them to have better memories.

[katilac]

Wait.

 

So let me get this straight.

 

Kid asked for a VERY nice gift.

 

Kid got exactly what he wanted.

 

Kid is complaining bc he knows it and doesn't like how the giving of the gift happened.

 

Dh is the bad guy? Um no. Sure I'd tell dh to be more careful bc to some people the surprise is extra fun, and we would move on from there. There would be no drama and marital strife over this accident on his part.

 

I suppose if dh is a turd and this is just more of his turdy behavior then this actually has nothing to do with the gift or the kid.

 

I'm trying to fathom being okay with my kid complaining about getting exactly what he wanted bc it wasn't delivered how he wanted and drawing a blank. If he did, it would probably be met with stunned looks of "Why is this person complaining about getting exactly what they asked for?!"

 

No. I would not go get another gift. I for sure would not be arguing with my husband about it or retaliating in some manner over it.

 

Just. What? *smh*

 

You really can't understand a kid being disappointed that dad can't be bothered to not buy his Christmas gift right in front of him? 

 

He's right at that age of growing past the little kid excitement. Sure he complained a bit to his mom - he's disappointed. 

 

I think you're being very harsh on the kid, and very easy on dad. It wasn't an accident, he didn't accidentally forget the present in the car and have ds see it next time he got in. He bought a present for an 11-yr-old while that 11-yr-old was with him, which is, eh, pretty lazy imo. 

 

I'm not sure what I would do, OP, because dh would be the first one in line buying another present if he messed up the surprise, lol (assuming we could afford it, of course). 

 

If it's long-established that they only get one BIG gift, and it's a difference of opinion w/you and dh, then I might not get him another BIG gift. My concern would be that your dh would be cross on Christmas day, or say something to your son. If he wouldn't do that, I'd totally buy another gift and just have the fight right now, lol. 

 

It sounds like your son does get other, smaller gifts, yes? Can you add something extra fun or unusual to the smaller gifts, maybe something that requires effort on your part but not a lot of money? I'd consider a coupon for driving them a long way to something like a skate park or whatever suits their interest. Also maybe a "get out of chores free" card, a big box of their favorite junk food, just some added fun and surprises. 

[justasque]

Wait.

 

So let me get this straight.

 

Kid asked for a VERY nice gift.

 

Kid got exactly what he wanted.

 

Kid is complaining bc he knows it and doesn't like how the giving of the gift happened.

 

Dh is the bad guy? Um no. Sure I'd tell dh to be more careful bc to some people the surprise is extra fun, and we would move on from there. There would be no drama and marital strife over this accident on his part.

 

I suppose if dh is a turd and this is just more of his turdy behavior then this actually has nothing to do with the gift or the kid.

 

I'm trying to fathom being okay with my kid complaining about getting exactly what he wanted bc it wasn't delivered how he wanted and drawing a blank. If he did, it would probably be met with stunned looks of "Why is this person complaining about getting exactly what they asked for?!"

 

No. I would not go get another gift. I for sure would not be arguing with my husband about it or retaliating in some manner over it.

 

Just. What? *smh*

 

I could see this point of view if the child was, say, seventeen.  But not eleven.  You know, even kids in their late teens or early twenties have a bit of sadness if they see too much of the process behind Christmas surprises.  The child's feelings have nothing to do with the gift per se - it is disappointment that the magic, the surprise, won't be there on Christmas morning.  Now, as kids get older, they know more about how that surprise happens, in theory.  But they still like the experience of it all.  They want a bit of a surprise on Christmas morning.  

 

I think it's appropriate for the OP's ds to share his feelings with her.  That doesn't mean he's not grateful for the gift, or happy about getting it, or appreciative of all that his parents have done for him, this Christmas and over the years in general.  It just means that he's also sad about what he isn't getting - the surprise part.    

 

I would encourage the OP to gently talk to her dh about how this came to be - why did the dh think it was a good idea to buy the gift in the ds's presence?  Were there extenuating circumstances (rare toy), was there a conversation with ds about it, etc.?  Lots of listening, without judgement, may help.  OP, can you also talk to your dh with the idea of "what can we do to make sure ds has a surprise, however small, on Christmas morning?".  "Would you mind if I got a small such-and-such, to make me feel more comfortable with the situation?"  And OP, I don't think you need to "save the day" behind your dh's back.  I don't think covering up for your dh's actions is a good approach to take in the long run, for your children or for your marriage.  If your ds is disappointed in how your dh handled things, so be it; you don't need to fix that if your dh isn't open to you fixing it.    

[Tanaqui]

and you dh is not thinking about his children the way a caring father would.  is he acting out disappointment for his childhood christmases - or is he just completely oblivious?   just because that was how he was raised - doesn't mean he has to raise his own children that way.

 

Let's not jump off that slippery slope here. It's entirely possible that his Christmases were plenty happy, and he doesn't see why the kids need more than he did when one gift that wasn't a surprise was more than enough for him as a kid.

 

Now, as kids get older, they know more about how that surprise happens, in theory.  But they still like the experience of it all.  They want a bit of a surprise on Christmas morning.

 

Not all kids. Mine are okay with not being surprised, because they're used to me. I'm not huge on surprises, I'm huge on making sure they get what they want. And that's how I was raised as well - our family took us to the bookstore to buy our Christmas and birthday presents, and so we picked them out ourselves. If we wanted toys, we picked those out as well.

 

And it's possible that the dad in this situation was also raised that way, I don't know.

 

Of course, you know that if your kid values surprise presents, you try to respect that. It's easy enough to do, after all.

Edited December 14, 2015 by Tanaqui

[gardenmom5]

 . Your dh may not even realize what he's doing, so you need to let him know about it and insist that he treat you as an equal partner in the marriage.

 

he probably doesn't.  he'll also probably be resistant to a new relationship paradigm.  he needs to get used to it. marriage is supposed to be an EQUAL partnership.  not one person manipulating the other to get their own way.

[gardenmom5]

Let's not jump off that slippery slope here. It's entirely possible that his Christmases were plenty happy, and he doesn't see why the kids need more than he did when one gift that wasn't a surprise was more than enough for him as a kid.

 

 

I asked a question.  you know, like "is this a possiblity?"  don't go jumping to conclusions about what *questions* I ask and then turn them into statements.

[gardenmom5]

You rock! The problem is that I've learned w/ Dh that he'll hold a grudge for. ever.

 

But, yeah, this is my plan!

 

Thanks,

 

Alley

 

that would have me very concerned.

 

my grandmother was like that.  she might forget why she was mad at someone, but she knew she was.  decades later.

[Bluegoat]

mm.  I am trying to picture how this happened.  Did the dad drag the kid into the toy store and force him to watch?

 

"Ha ha, I am going to purchace this gift right now!!"

 

"No dad, no!  Don't do it!  You will ruin CHristmas!"

 

Or was the kid nagging in the store? 

 

I would guess, at the least, that since the gift request was right out in the open, the dad thought it wouldn't matter.  Lots of people don't care.  Maybe the kid thought he wouldn't care.

 

 

I would not buy something else.  Sure, it will be a slight let-down, but not a serious one - he has a great new toy.  And now he knows something about himself, and about giving gifts and what he enjoys about it.

[ktgrok]

If passive aggressive is his modus operandi, was buying the gift in front of the kid also a passive aggressive thing? Or is he just that clueless that people like surprises?  Is he sticking to his guns because he knows he messed up and is being defensive about it? If that is the case I'd be very nice and say "Oh, honey, I know you didn't mean to upset DS. I love that you got him his favorite present. But you know how kids are, so why don't we get him a few smaller things as a surprise, just for the fun of it? And next year we'll plan better for the surprises."

 

However, if he is in general a passive agressive steamroller, that's different. That kind of resentment kills marriages. It's not healthy for you OR him. 

[TammyS]

Just to give you some idea of where I'm coming from....I don't do huge Christmases (in terms of gifts).  I did all of my shopping on Amazon this year, and it took about 90 minutes.  I spent about $150 for everything.  A few years we haven't done gifts at all and just make a holiday of it with treats and game time.  So, I'm not one of these over-the-top, Christmas people.

 

Your husband is being a jerk.  There, I said it.

 

Unless someone specifically asks for something AND there is a need for them to get it early (like, if you were getting a car, he can't exactly hide it in the driveway), a gift should be a surprise and buying it right in front of the person shows no consideration whatsoever.  I find his behavior not merely insensitive, but offensive.  There's something wrong with him to be treating his child this way.

 

ETA: I would buy both of the other gifts on the list and hide them. 

 

Your husband gets coal.

Edited December 14, 2015 by TammyS

[vonfirmath]

This is a great idea, but the Lego set Dh bought is the very top item on ds's list. It's the best thing. A Dr. Who Lego set. :(

 

Everyone: thank you for understanding. If I go ahead and buy a second gift -- with my own money -- Dh is going to be livid with me. And that's part of the problem. There's no hitting or anything like that, but there will be plenty of passive-aggression if I buy the gifts.

 

Moderator: Please don't lock this thread. I won't say another word about Dh. I'll keep it to Christmas gifts.

 

Alley

 

In the case of the Dr Who set, it may be a good idea he bought it while he saw it in front of him. That set is flying off the shelves and may not have been there when you went back to get it without the kid. It is a Lego Ideas set.  Too bad he couldn't figure out a way to get it without your kid seeing it though.

[J-rap]

Were your dh's actions kind of out of spite, or was he just clueless?  That would make a difference for me.  If he's usually opposed to presents and thought he was being respectful of your desires but he just did it clumsily, that's one thing.  If he's dragging his feet and purposely did this in a way that was being spiteful or rude, that's another thing.  You probably have an idea which it is.  If it's the second, then I'd definitely sit down and talk with him now.  And not even about this in particular, but about compromising and letting it go.  And I agree, that now is definitely the time to do this.  Just discuss things calmly and openly.  Then, I'd probably get one more gift that's a surprise, if this is important to you and the kids.  Or, do you have stockings?  Then I'd have all of the stocking stuffers be a surprise, for sure.

 

Just wanted to add though, that I was a peeker when I was a kid!  I can't believe I did that, but it was always so easy to just open the hall closet door and see what my Christmas gifts were!  For several years, I knew exactly what I was getting, but I was just as excited.  I bet as Christmas gets closer, your son will become more excited about his gift too. 

 

 

[TammyS]

t there will be plenty of passive-aggression if I buy the gifts.

 

 

Let him.  Then pretend like you can't see any of it.  Makes passive-aggressive people crazy.

 

Unless this is going to make it so that you can't pay the light bill or something, then your husband is damaged that he would be that upset to buy another gift, particularly after he ruined the first one.