redsquirrel Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Please don't quote in case I need to erase. I prob won't, but just in case. last month DH came home and mentioned there was a job opening that caught his eye. I was neutral about it. Others have caught his eye but they were too far away or in a place that we wouldn't consider moving etc. However, this was plumb, and in the state...just in a city a few hours away. A Very Big City. For years I have been very open that I have not wanted to move from our lovely small city, it has everything you could ever want. In fact, our city is currently flooded with people from said Very Big City because the schools are so good, the city is so charming, the neighborhoods are sweet, lots of community art and music, amazing restaurants etc etc. But the kids aren't babies anymore and it's still not too far from our aging parents...and the chances that he would actually get the job seemed small. There seemed no harm in looking interested. So, two weeks ago, DH says that he wasn't going to apply for the job because it was too big a stretch and, more importantly, he really likes his job. Good. Fine. I didn't think it was going to happen anyway. He just started in this new position about a year ago and he is finally in the swing of things. I should add that dh works for a big university. He also graduated from this university and has worked in it since he graduated. They love him. He did get his grad degree elsewhere, but they bent over backwards to make that happen. When our kids were born, they gave him the most amazing paternity leave you can imagine and did it at full pay. He has moved up the ranks and has done a great job for them. He is known in his field. So leaving is a big deal. However, over the weekend he got an email from a very high ranking person at the other place asking to talk with him on the phone to convince him to apply for this job. That isn't the first time this has ever happened, but again, never from a place that we would consider moving to. And she was very flattering in her letter. DH couldn't really say no. She was just too important to put off. So, he talked to that person today and she convinced him to apply for the job. Now, that doesn't mean it is in the bag by any means. This job is a leap. It takes him out of his current area and puts him into university administration. But I am still freaking out. If gets the job, it will happen quickly. They won't want to wait forever for him to start. I have a 10th grader in our very good public high school. I cannot imagine pulling a kid from this school system and somehow figuring out how to navigate the famously insane school system of this big city. People move here to avoid it! My own sister and her husband left their nice city jobs and apartment and moved here to raise their kids. They just didn't want to have to play that Big City school game. And they aren't the only ones. It is a fairly cliche thing in these parts. And here we are doing it in the opposite order! So, I live for 2 years with my dh 5 hours away? We support 2 households? The Big City job does have its own partially subsidized housing for it's people. That isn't uncommon for these places. And there is a waiting list, but apparently DH would get to jump to the top of the list due to the ranking of the position...which makes us feel badly...but not too badly, lol. And then what? In 3 years I have a kid in college and an 8th grader. I had planned to send him to the public high school and maybe go back to school myself..maybe. But by then I guess we move down there and put him in school? I just can't even. I can't. Leave my house, our piano teacher, our ballet school, our church, Wegmans? My 5 min drive to anywhere I need to be? We have what everyone in that big city wants! But this is a big time job..... Ok, I am going to go put my head between my knees. I can't imagine anyone read this. I just can't tell anyone here, not my friends or my sister and especially not the kids. I think this is a tizzy 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I'd be freaking a little too. I couldn't live apart for that long, but uprooting everyone at the ages of your kiddos would be very hard too. Good luck - I hope it goes the way you want it to!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I'd be freaking a little too. I couldn't live apart for that long, but uprooting everyone at the ages of your kiddos would be very hard too. Good luck - I hope it goes the way you want it to!! Thanks. If only I had any idea what I wanted. And I know lots of people with one partner living in the city. A coworker raised her kids here while her dh worked at the exact same place. They lived apart for something like 9 years. He came up every other weekend, talked to the kids every day etc. I think that would kill my dh. I personally could do it with him. I think he could do it with me. He can't be apart from the boys that long. It would kill him. Heck, he can hardly stand being at a 5 day conference. By the 4th night he wants to skype or facetime the entire evening while we watch a movie 'together' on netflix. I am serious. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I hope he doesn't get the job, I guess? Also, where do you live? I want to move there now! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Another freak out over here! Every so often hubbies boss makes comments about moving back across the country to a state we couldn't wait to leave. It definitely sets off my freak outs. I hope it works out huge hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Breathe. You'll get through this, whatever happens, and it will end up being great for your family - whichever way it goes. A new adventure. It's going to be okay. Really. :grouphug: Oh, and here's that paper bag. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 As someone currently driving home on weekends because I got the job I wanted but the location isn't all that and a bag of chips, I feel for you and your DH. You have some tough decisions to make if he gets the job, and will need to think them through ahead of time. Good luck! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I'd freak out too. Two households is really hard. Ack! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 We have moved ALOT. All places have good and bad. Several years ago we made a huge change involving jobs across country and huge pay raises. It has significantly changed our lives for the better. Since then dh has changed jobs and locations several times and they have all turned out pretty well. A lot of it is what your attitude is going into the move. If you want it to work out and are excited about looking for new things to do and meeting new friends it will work out. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 OP I believe that you should let your DH read your post. He is very happy with his current position and they are apparently happy with him. Having a job one is content with goes a long way to having a happy family life at home. Having a wife who is not happy in the big city, for many reasons, does not lead to a happy family life at home. There is *always* risk to changing positions, even when the new employer is the one that initiates contact. I worked on a job assignment in Huntsville with a young Engineer who previously had been recruited by a company in San Antonio. They moved him there, if there was a Head Hunter involved they paid the fee, and then two (2) weeks after he began working there, they laid him off... There he was, new to San Antonio and unemployed... And my friend "J". Years ago I was working on a job assignment in Cleveland. They hired him to work in my group and he quit his job in Phoenix and they pulled their horses in a trailer to Ohio. When he reported for work, they informed him that his contract had been cancelled. There are a LOT of potential risks, both with quitting a position where one is "secure" and happy and with the impact this would have on you and your family. Sit down and begin a conversation with your DH and let him know how you feel about the city you live in now and the school system where your kids are now. If you give up the current lifestyle and move to the big city, is there a Private school you would consider high quality that you can afford? Lots of issues to be considered. If your DH goes for this, get the contract in writing, with no corrections and with nothing ambiguous. Notarized,,, GL 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I think showing your post to your dh is a great idea. I also think it's time to make a huge list of pros and cons. It might be worth it to take a weekend (or a week) and visit the Big City and see/feel what it is really like. Also, a question? Would one of the perks of the university job mean free tuition for your dc (and yourself?) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I would freak out too. I do know families where one partner is living apart most of the time because the job is too good/important/financially rewarding, but I...don't know. I would be highly reluctant to arrange a set-up like this. For one thing, I have a big independant streak and there's a pretty good chance I would become quite comfortable being the Lone Ranger. I think it is easy to grow apart when your lives don't intersect much. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Leave Wegmans? No!!!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I know a family living in 2 households a couple states apart; they've been doing it for at least 3 years now. They're also dealing with college aged kids and housing issues. Half the dc live with him, half with her. It's been hard on them but they feel like it's currently the best alternative they have. I hope things work out well for your family whatever the final decision turns out to be. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I think showing your post to your dh is a great idea. I also think it's time to make a huge list of pros and cons. It might be worth it to take a weekend (or a week) and visit the Big City and see/feel what it is really like. Also, a question? Would one of the perks of the university job mean free tuition for your dc (and yourself?) Yes, time for a pro/con list. What are the big perks you'd be trading your current lovely situation for? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Breathe, breathe .... My husband and I also both work at a university and here is my advice: He should go ahead and try to get the offer. In the meantime, start thinking about how much money it would take for you to (1) stay; or (2) move. Once he has that offer, he is going to be in an excellent position to negotiate either a raise (if you want to stay) or an even better package at the new place (if you want to move). I know you're not looking to homeschool high school, but FWIW I can't imagine a better place to do just that than Big City. But don't worry about that now! Just breathe, and encourage him to go ahead and land that other offer. How awesome that he is so in demand, by the way. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 That situation just wouldn't work for me. I would ask him to pass on the job. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 If he gets and decides to take the job, I would just jump into the deep end and move right away. Sure, it sucks to change high schools, but kids do it all the time, and he would wind up at the 2nd school longer than the first. Having said that, I do think being at a job he likes and in a city y'all love is worthy of a lot of consideration. It tends to come down to whether that 'level' of job will work monetarily in the long term. My dh did move up from a job he really liked, and he had a rough time of it for, I'm not gonna lie, quite a few years. The new job was more stressful and just not what he wanted to do. However, he did eventually land in a position that suits him much better. And the fact is, his prior job was very restrictive financially, and was always going to be. ime, there does tend to be a long, hard slog when you move to a higher career level. And there is a certain age and point in your career when people stop considering you for these 'jumps.' Is there anyone at the current place he can trust to give him an honest opinion about potential opportunities there? Is the amount of money he makes acceptable, not just for the next few years, but for the long term? Will it see you through college, retirement, etc? Edited to add that he only got the job that he has now bc of the experience he gained in the sucky in between job . . . he would never have gone from Job 1 to Job 3. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Well your post was an astounding "NO!!!" on your part, with every fiber of your being. I can't tell you how many I know who gave up a good life for that one.extra.step.up.the.career.ladder. Unless you are struggling financially, you have what most dream of having. I wouldn't give it up, that's for sure. It seems your dh is happy now, would he want to risk that? Or losing the new job, after leaving one that he loved and probably burned the bridge to come back. And all the upheaval. Ugh. Very big no from me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 DH knows all of this. We are on the same page, so that isn't an issue. I did live down there when I was in my early 20s, for a year. It hardly makes me an expert, but I do know what it can be like to live there. I have visited often and have done so with the kids and dh. The city isn't an unknown thing to me. DH totally agrees that moving ds1 in the middle of high school is not a good idea. Like, it isn't even much of a discussion. You have to start applying to private schools down there years ahead of time. It is a whole different culture and I am not sure I have the time to learn how to navigate it. I do have one friend I could contact down there...but they are so far out of my financial reality that I don't know how helpful they would be. Breathe, breathe .... My husband and I also both work at a university and here is my advice: He should go ahead and try to get the offer. In the meantime, start thinking about how much money it would take for you to (1) stay; or (2) move. Once he has that offer, he is going to be in an excellent position to negotiate either a raise (if you want to stay) or an even better package at the new place (if you want to move). I know you're not looking to homeschool high school, but FWIW I can't imagine a better place to do just that than Big City. But don't worry about that now! Just breathe, and encourage him to go ahead and land that other offer. How awesome that he is so in demand, by the way. We know the whole 'apply, interview, get a raise to stay' game. DH has not been one to play it, but we have seen it play out a couple times with his co-workers. He has been approached a number of times over the years and he has always turned it down...but pot did get sweetened when he was considered for a raise. He is applying it. It's just too tempting to let pass.If he doesn't get it, then hey, no big deal because he is happy where he is. If he does get it, I guess we have a couple adventurous years? Still freaking out, but I have my paper bad right here. And I am only doing it when there is no one else around, lol. I don't want dh to see me freak out. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Even more thoughts: I would definitely not do the two households thing for any extended period of time, only long enough to sort out selling one house and buying another. Lanny's scenarios are not that common in most industries, but it's a good heads-up. Your dh could negotiate some type of payoff into the agreement - most university jobs beyond entry level have contracts, yes? If your dh does want to move up or even just make more money, jumping ship is quite often the way that happens. People who change companies generally make more than people who stay at the same company the entire time. Alerting his current employers to this offer might gain him an immediate raise, but, in today's workplace, bouncing is what gets you to higher salary levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I think showing your post to your dh is a great idea. I also think it's time to make a huge list of pros and cons. It might be worth it to take a weekend (or a week) and visit the Big City and see/feel what it is really like. Also, a question? Would one of the perks of the university job mean free tuition for your dc (and yourself?) We have been there many times. We wouldn't get free tuition. That is an academic perk that has become rare. We already get a tuition discount (on tuition, not on living/dorm/food/fees etc) from his current university as a benefit. This new place prob has something similar, not free, but a discount. Leave Wegmans? No!!!! You get me! You understand where I am coming from. If he gets and decides to take the job, I would just jump into the deep end and move right away. Sure, it sucks to change high schools, but kids do it all the time, and he would wind up at the 2nd school longer than the first. Having said that, I do think being at a job he likes and in a city y'all love is worthy of a lot of consideration. It tends to come down to whether that 'level' of job will work monetarily in the long term. My dh did move up from a job he really liked, and he had a rough time of it for, I'm not gonna lie, quite a few years. The new job was more stressful and just not what he wanted to do. However, he did eventually land in a position that suits him much better. And the fact is, his prior job was very restrictive financially, and was always going to be. ime, there does tend to be a long, hard slog when you move to a higher career level. And there is a certain age and point in your career when people stop considering you for these 'jumps.' Is there anyone at the current place he can trust to give him an honest opinion about potential opportunities there? Is the amount of money he makes acceptable, not just for the next few years, but for the long term? Will it see you through college, retirement, etc? Edited to add that he only got the job that he has now bc of the experience he gained in the sucky in between job . . . he would never have gone from Job 1 to Job 3. He could stay at his current place forever and be happy. He would not want to stay in his current job, because that would be boring after a while. But there is room to grow eventually. But, if he never got another raise or a different job, I believe it would meet our needs for the foreseeable future. This isn't because his current job isn't paying enough or isn't a great place to work. But, it isn't uncommon for people to leave a university, to to another and then come back for a bigger job. Often the university sees that as a sign of 'growth' or desirability. You did well here, you left and did well, now come back and show us what you learned. It happens enough that it isn't unreasonable for us to not sell the house. He could be back in 8 years, and we have a lovely little house right downtown. Well your post was an astounding "NO!!!" on your part, with every fiber of your being. I can't tell you how many I know who gave up a good life for that one.extra.step.up.the.career.ladder. Unless you are struggling financially, you have what most dream of having. I wouldn't give it up, that's for sure. It seems your dh is happy now, would he want to risk that? Or losing the new job, after leaving one that he loved and probably burned the bridge to come back. And all the upheaval. Ugh. Very big no from me. When I think of leaving here it does feel like a huge NO. Maybe he won't get it and all of this will be for naught. But I have made him say no so many times before. It just feels unfair to keep saying it. He keeps getting asked and I keep making him say no. With one kid 2 years into high school and another in the middle grades.... I have to think about what comes next for him and for us. He is in his mid-40s. Pretty soon they are going to stop asking and they will move on to the younger crowd. Right now, he is still considered on of the 'young guns' in his field, but that isn't going to last much longer. He wouldn't be burning bridges by leaving. People come and go from these positions all the time. It might even make him more desirable and might make them work to bring him back. He did just tell me that he believes that he can spend time working remotely, meaning he could be back here for a week or two at a time. I say that I will believe that when I see it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Oh my gosh! I would be hyperventilating, too!!! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I know the feeling. I don't mind our potential move but uprooting a 10th grader who likes his life and school here is holding is back from taking the leap. Baby girl is all for it though. Hope things work out well for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 If this wasn't an issue for my kids, I would be so much more open to this! This is all about how we want them raised, in what kind of environment. If they were older or maybe (maybe!) even much younger this would be so much more interesting to me. But now? It's just difficult. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I would not move my kids at that stage. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I dunno. Tough call. DH's job here ended and he is taking a position in Japan but I am staying behind with the youngest two so they can stay in this school system. As it stands now, he will be in Japan for 3 years with us visiting occasionally. He was supposed to leave next week but got a few months reprieve until the end of December. I really don't have anything helpful to say but I get it. It is pretty much everything we had to consider. The only difference for us is that 'staying' here as a family isn't an option. Our reality is he's going, we're staying. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I feel your pain. I have a 10th grader this year, and we are living separated from my DH at least until next summer (total of one year), but possibly longer. All the other kids are taking the pending move with stride, except my 10th grader. According to him, we are completely ruining his life. I remember when we moved after 10th grade. As much as a teenager can throw tantrums, I sure did. It was complicated by the fact that it was a job move for my mom that was completely her choice to have a better place to work and we had moved the summer after my freshman year as well. It wasn't "necessary" in that she could have stayed at the job she had. I totally and completely resented that she would choose a cushier job over my stability (that wasn't the only factor, but it was the only thing I could see at the time). But, I have some of the best life long friends from my last two years at high school, though, and I don't think (looking back on it now) I would have picked to stay where we were. Easy for me to say, right? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I hope he gets the job, gets a great counter offer from his present employer, and elects to accept it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Often the university sees that as a sign of 'growth' or desirability. This is very common across industries. Sadly, you usually get treated better and have more bargaining power when you are willing to bounce. If this wasn't an issue for my kids, I would be so much more open to this! This is all about how we want them raised, in what kind of environment. If they were older or maybe (maybe!) even much younger this would be so much more interesting to me. But now? It's just difficult. It's harder for me to address this aspect, because my kids aren't in school. What is 'insane' about the big school system? Is it poor academics, or drugs and violence, or a crazy social life, or -? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 It's harder for me to address this aspect, because my kids aren't in school. What is 'insane' about the big school system? Is it poor academics, or drugs and violence, or a crazy social life, or -? Well, the trials and tribulations of navigating the public/charter/private school systems of Manhattan and the 5 boroughs are legendary. I don't even know where to begin to explain it to you, because all I know is what I have heard from people. Just trust me, it's very complicated. It depends on where you live and how much money you have and what your kid is good or not good at. It's a different world. People start competing for the "right" pre-school as soon as they are pregnant. I can't imagine he would get into an acceptable school for the last two years of high school. And culturally it would be an enormous shift. I am sure there are other people here who know a lot more about it than I do. But, like I said, I know too many people who moved from there when their kids are small rather than have to play that game. And then you throw in his ballet dancing and it gets insane. Do I let him audition for a school there, one that is full time? A performing arts charter? No. I can't do that for 2 years, and I certainly can't do that mid year. Nope. Maybe this will all come to nothing. That would be nice, lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 The NYC schools thing is indeed total madness, but don't assume it can't work out until it doesn't. I guarantee that the university is extremely experienced at working with potential recruits who have high-school-aged children. We were in NYC for years and it was totally standard for the dean at DH's school to get very involved in trying to help possible new hires navigate the schools. It didn't always work out, but often it did. I remember one faculty family from somewhere out West -- they had three middle/high school aged kids and somehow they got them all in to an unbelievably selective private school right in the neighborhood. I didn't even think that such a thing was possible, but apparently it was. So you never know. Don't rule anything out just yet! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 The NYC schools thing is indeed total madness, but don't assume it can't work out until it doesn't. I guarantee that the university is extremely experienced at working with potential recruits who have high-school-aged children. We were in NYC for years and it was totally standard for the dean at DH's school to get very involved in trying to help possible new hires navigate the schools. It didn't always work out, but often it did. I remember one faculty family from somewhere out West -- they had three middle/high school aged kids and somehow they got them all in to an unbelievably selective private school right in the neighborhood. I didn't even think that such a thing was possible, but apparently it was. So you never know. Don't rule anything out just yet! Huh. Well, that is very good to know. It hasn't occurred to me that the university might offer at least some guidance on this issue. They provide a housing subsidy and even own faculty housing that is for rent. I know people who have lived there and it was very nice. But I never thought they might help with the schools. I can, of course, homeschool 11th and 12th grade. I was fully prepared to homeschool high school, until my kid begged to go. Our schools aren't bad so we agreed and he loves it. It has been a positive thing for him and for the family. And I have to admit that not teaching high school is a burden off my shoulders. I kind of like having my kid in school for these years. But, if I had to, of course I would do it. Or, at least, I know how to outsource what i need to outsource. So, ok that was very helpful. IF this even becomes an issue, and it might not, then he knows he can ask for help and there is at least a chance someone might help...or at least we wouldnt be the first to ask. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Maybe dh needs you to just say, "no" ? Will you be able to afford school and extras and housing? I sometimes wish we had stayed there but think it would take a lot of energy to move there for the first time with teens. But I hear it's a good place to home school. :D 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Is there a chance your 10th grader might actually be excited about moving to the big city? Not saying it is a good or bad idea, but he might be thrilled by the idea, you never know. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It sounds pretty terrible to me. It's such a shame that the nature of the job is that they want you to leave, only to come back later. What a pain. If it happens, there will probably be good points and bad points to the move as it becomes a reality. I would hate it, though, at the stage of life you're in. If there weren't the kids and their education involved it wouldn't be a big deal, but what a pain with having to uproot your son in 10th grade. Blah. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 If you live where I think you live, I would not be leaving there for the insanity that is Manhatten. And I love the Big City, but I came back to the Fingerlakes to raise my children for a reason. Also, the lakes. And the wine. Oh, the wine. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Well, the trials and tribulations of navigating the public/charter/private school systems of Manhattan and the 5 boroughs are legendary. I don't even know where to begin to explain it to you, Egads, woman, I thought it was a move to a big city, not the big city! Um, I got nothing. Good luck! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 By the way I am all for making moves that will improve your life in the long run and I think I personally would have a much more difficult time with NYC. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I have a friend whose dh has been commuting to NYC for close to ten years now. Initially, he took the job they had one in high one in middle school. The olders were in college. Friend made it clear she and kids were not leaving our town. I though shed move when the third child started college and youngest started high school. They've really come to love the two places. The dh came home weekends. Sometimes family went to him. Initially, he got the cheapest place he could to survive during the week. That means when kids visit him there it's like camping. Now, youngest is nearing end of college and friend is spending more time in NYC, doing fun stuff with Her dh, for them that means lots of live music. But she still has a flexible job here. She is still very community and church involved here. So, the commute works and the marriage is great. You can keep your home five hours away and have a strong family. Your life will be different. Different is not good or bad. You are the one who makes it positive. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyx4 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 You may not want to share, but your current town sounds lovely. If you don't mind, can you tell us where it is? I want to move there!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 :grouphug: It sounds scary, and I really can't imagine. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I know you said you couldn't mention this to the kids, but you might want to have a sit down with them and get their thoughts. Your dancing sons might appreciate having the large city for dancing opportunities, even if that means returning back to homeschooling for the 10th grader. That said, my parents were separated for a year as I finished out my senior year. As a military brat we moved around a lot. My dad always promised that we would have the opportunity to finish out high school wherever we started and I was the one in high school when he retired and got a new job 9 hours away. My sister was going into the 8th grade when they moved and it was a horrible move for her. They were going from a large area to a rural community where everyone knew everyone and had grandparents that went to school together (aka, hard to make friends as the outsider). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 First of all, I want to thank everyone who posted to this thread. I wish I could express just how helpful it has been. I am in the middle of tech week for a ballet so I am also a bit :willy_nilly: for that. Both kids are in the ballet and dh is the fly operator...it's a family affair, lol. I will try to respond later today. But, I didn't want people to think that their support and good ideas were just lost in the void. I read and reread every single post last night. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 This is funny as we just moved to a very well known college city for my husband's position (also in a university) but one of those dream jobs came up in The Big City that everyone would kill to get. His mentor basically told him he has a very good shot of getting it and that he should apply. We moved here so that our son (now in 9th grade) could go to a new, but exciting high school. I too wonder what will happen if he gets the job? Schooling, housing, life. I would puffy heart love to live in The Big City but he swore up and down we would never move there. We'll see if man plans and G-d laughs (an old Yiddish proverb). Please keep us/me up to date. Maybe we'll get together for coffee someday? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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