Relatives who come over sick... wwyd and vent

[Joyoustxmama]

So I'd like to know if I'm being unreasonable here.

 

I am staying at my parents' home for a visit (we live about 3 hours away).  I have 2 sisters, one of whom lives nearby, one of whom also lives about 3 hours away.  I have a 3 month old, 2 year old, and 6 year old.

 

This week, the sister who lives out of town came to visit and stayed in the guest room of the sister who lives locally.  We all got together with our kids and my parents several times.  Friday, the sister who lives locally, and whose kids are in public school, called to let us know she would not be coming over as planned that evening with her kids - one of them had had to be picked up from public school for vomiting/fever.  

 

The next day, less than 24 hours after being exposed to this virus, the sister who was visiting from out of town came over to hang out at my parents' home, where I am staying with my kids.  I expressed (politely) reservation about this as she walked toward me, but she said she was not ill, and that our niece was already over it.  I was very uncomfortable with it, but since this is not my house, I couldn't do much.  My oldest son had a therapy appointment (family CBT which his father and I needed to attend with him) and my mother was watching my two younger children, since they cannot come to the appointments.  

 

Needless to say, tonight I have a 2 year old with fever and vomiting and, to be frank - I'm angry.  This isn't the first time this particular sibling has exposed us to a virus.  The rest of my family feels I am being unreasonable - since she didn't know.  But I say ANYTIME you are less than 24 hours out from exposure to something nasty and contagious, it's just kind and right to stay away - particularly from the elderly and/or families with little kids.  I always extend this courtesy to my sisters.  And if one of them had expressed reservation with me visiting because I or my kids might be ill, I would have left. No question.  

 

Would you confront her?  Let this go and ride out the misery in seething silence, but draw more firm boundaries in the future?  Is it unreasonable of me to be ticked off that my reservation was completely ignored, and now, I am facing a miserable week for my poor 2 year old, 6 year old, and heaven forbid, the newborn?

 

 

[Mimm]

I would say something for sure, and if at all possible make different arrangements in the future for child care. I would be furious in your shoes especially with a newborn in the house. :( I hope this blows over quickly.

[regentrude]

I am sorry your child got sick, but I find this

 

 

.  But I say ANYTIME you are less than 24 hours out from exposure to something nasty and contagious, it's just kind and right to stay away - particularly from the elderly and/or families with little kids.

 

an unreasonable request.

It is impossible to do for people who are out and about, have kids, have jobs to refrain from contact every time they are encountering an infected person.

 

She did not bring her sick child.

And she was visiting from out of town and herself not ill - so I find it perfectly reasonable that she would want to see her parents.

 

ETA: My kids have attended daycare and public school and had their share of illness. I have never once gotten sick from caring for them, so I am not really convinced that an adult who obeys basic sanitary rules spreads germs this easily.

[Catwoman]

I would say something for sure, and if at all possible make different arrangements in the future for child care. I would be furious in your shoes especially with a newborn in the house. :( I hope this blows over quickly.

:iagree:

 

Honestly, I'm surprised your mother didn't immediately send your sister home.

 

I would be livid. I'm so sorry your little one is sick, and I hope no one else catches it. :grouphug:

[school17777]

If I'm not confusing things, you wanted your sister who travelled 3 hours to visit to stay away for 24 hours to make sure she wasn't sick?

[Catwoman]

 

I am sorry your child got sick, but I find this

 

 

 

. But I say ANYTIME you are less than 24 hours out from exposure to something nasty and contagious, it's just kind and right to stay away - particularly from the elderly and/or families with little kids.

 

an unreasonable request. People who are out and about, have kids, have jobs are constantly exposed to contagion. It is not feasible to refrain from contact with others for 24 hours after every contact with a sick person.

She did not bring the child who was sick.

I disagree in this case. The sister didn't have to visit, and she knew there would be young children -- including a newborn -- in the house. I think she was incredibly inconsiderate.

[Catwoman]

If I'm not confusing things, you wanted your sister who travelled 3 hours to visit to stay away for 24 hours to make sure she wasn't sick?

I think it was the distant sister, but she was staying at the local sister's house.

[ThisIsTheDay]

No, even with a three month old, I wouldn't have expected that my sister would be infected.

 

Now if the kid's mom had come over, or brought the kid over, I would confront. 

 

Your three month old is going to be exposed to germs. You're visiting in someone else's house, meaning she's exposed to things she wouldn't be at home.  It could have just as easily been caught from your mom who touched an escalator rail at the mall the day before you came.

 

I'm sorry your baby is sick. It's even worse when you're away from home.

[chiguirre]

OP, it's not clear in your original post but did your sister get sick? If she did, you are right to be angry. If she isn't, I wouldn't blame her for the sickness. It's more likely your kids picked it up from the sick cousin and the latent time is longer.

[Joker]

I wouldn't be angry. I would assume my child picked it up from the other child before they presented as being ill. That's usually how it seems to work around here anyway. Your sister wasn't ill (did she actually become ill later?) and had also traveled a distance to visit family. You were staying at your parents home and I wouldn't think to advise them to stay away unless they were actually sick.

[Joker]

I disagree in this case. The sister didn't have to visit, and she knew there would be young children -- including a newborn -- in the house. I think she was incredibly inconsiderate.

 

I don't see it as reasonable to ask the other sister, who traveled the same distance, to avoid visiting her own parents when she isn't even feeling ill. If I was the OP in this instance and felt our health threatened, I would move us to a hotel to avoid all who were exposed. The reality is, though, they were all probably exposed before the sick child was actually visibly ill.

[Erica in OR]

I wouldn't be angry. I would assume my child picked it up from the other child before they presented as being ill. That's usually how it seems to work around here anyway. Your sister wasn't ill (did she actually become ill later?) and had also traveled a distance to visit family. You were staying at your parents home and I wouldn't think to advise them to stay away unless they were actually sick.

 

Agree with this. My parents drove to visit us around Easter. They stopped by our house for a couple hours before bedtime to visit, then left to spend the night elsewhere in town. In the middle of the night, one of my kids started vomiting. We stayed away from my parents for well over 24 hours after that. They ended up getting it anyway from the initial exposure.

 

Erica in OR

[Tap]

Let me first say that I work in pharmacy, so I am exposed to everything going around town, often on a daily basis.  I have 3 kids in different schools, and a husband who is exposed to medical waste on a daily basis. Going by the 24 hour rule, if you were my sister, I would Never see you, nor would anyone in my family.  There is never a 24 hour period that we aren't all exposed to someone who has a significant illness.  The same can be said about anyone who works with the public, goes to any school, or goes out in public at all.  We are all exposed to things every day, that is how we build immunity.  Does your husband work and then come home every day? 

 

Unless someone is actively sick, feeling 'off', or feverish.....I would never presume they are contagious.  

 

If you would have said, 'hey, just in case your sick and don't know it yet, please don't hold the baby, kiss the little ones, or drink out of my glass". I would have said that is reasonable.  I wouldn't share body fluids, but just being in the same room....I would have thought it was an odd request also.  

 

Honestly, you have NO idea how your little one got sick. Had you not seen the rest of the family yet? Had your mom not seen any of them? Did you go anywhere in public before the visit?  It is unlikely, but entirely possible your son was the first person sick, who shared it with the cousin.  Incubation times vary from person to person, and if you are going by the 'your contagious before you know your sick', then you can't rule that out.

 

 

[WinsomeCreek]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this and have a little baby that might catch it. I think you know what you can expect from this sister. If I were the sister I would have stayed away to protect the baby, but it's really more likely the illness was caught earlier and not from the most recent visit.

[Greta]

Given that you've had this same problem with this same sister before, and given that you expressed concerns and she ignored you, yes I would say something. But this is a pet peeve of mine, I admit. I've been astonished at how thoughtless people can be about this. I will say, if I'm understanding the scenario correctly, at least your sister didn't bring the sick child along. I had a cousin who brought her three little ones to visit our grandma when two of them were sick. My grandma was 98 years old!!! What was a mild chest cold for the kids became a very dangerous cough for my grandma. She was seriously ill for weeks. I love my cousin, but geez, how thoughtless!!! I've had people show up at my house with sick kids. I've shown up at a friend's house to take a well child out for an activity, and been asked to take a sick one along too. WTH???

[Joyoustxmama]

Honestly, you have NO idea how your little one got sick. Had you not seen the rest of the family yet? Had your mom not seen any of them? Did you go anywhere in public before the visit?  It is unlikely, but entirely possible your son was the first person sick, who shared it with the cousin.  Incubation times vary from person to person, and if you are going by the 'your contagious before you know your sick', then you can't rule that out.

 

No, I had not.  Nor my mom since the exposure.  No, we had been home for 3 days prior.  I have a young baby and we aren't out a lot, it is hard with the two young kids and very hot here right now, so we mostly stay indoors.  No, my son could not have shared it with his cousin, he has not seen her in over a week.  

Also to add, my sister who visited had known, certain, frequent contact with the vomiting, ill niece the day before visiting us. And the evening after she left from visiting us (which I was so uncomfortable with) she did get ill, with the same thing my niece had.  :(

 

 

[Annie G]

Hope your little one feels better soon and the bug doesn't travel to your other kids. 

 

Usually when someone in our family gets sick we have no idea where it came from. Thursday I came down with a bug that was awful for a day and a half. Haven't been around anyone sick- probably picked it up at a store or somewhere. My kids and dh were around me the whole time but nobody else has gotten it.   

 

I figure I'm always exposed to stuff. Hugged friends tonight, but who have they been around? Sat at a baseball game for a few hours. Was anyone near me harboring anything? Went to dinner after...was the waitress recently ill? Her kids? How about the cooks? The cashier who handled my money?  The door I pushed walking out. The bookstore I was in early this afternoon. Gosh, it's kind of a wonder we don't get sick more often than we do!

[Joyoustxmama]

If I'm not confusing things, you wanted your sister who travelled 3 hours to visit to stay away for 24 hours to make sure she wasn't sick?

She had been here all week prior to the exposure on Friday (including the previous weekend) and we had seen her several times and she had seen my parents several times.  So, it is not really as draconian a request as this would make it seem.

 

But yes, that is, to be clear, what I wanted.  And to be clear, 8 hours after she left, she WAS, indeed, sick, as was her husband who is visiting with her and had been exposed to the sick niece also.

[Jean in Newcastle]

What would I do?  Nothing other than vent on here.  

 

 

[school17777]

She had been here all week prior to the exposure on Friday (including the previous weekend) and we had seen her several times and she had seen my parents several times. So, it is not really as draconian a request as this would make it seem.

 

But yes, that is, to be clear, what I wanted. And to be clear, 8 hours after she left, she WAS, indeed, sick, as was her husband who is visiting with her and had been exposed to the sick niece also.

This is more info that what you originally posted, so it doesn't seem as bad to not want her to visit when she did since she had been there for awhile and seen your parents.

 

Since you can't control who your parents let visit, I would have taken my kids with me to the counseling appt and not returned until after your sister left. However, with all the visiting going back and forth between your sister and parents anyway, I doubt you could have avoided the illness.

[school17777]

And also (((hugs))). Sorry that your dc are sick. The stomach virus is the worst and not being in your own home makes it even worse. Hope everyone feels better quickly and that you and the baby don't get it.

[OneStepAtATime]

Hugs OP.  I don't think saying anything now will actually net positive results, either for future situations or for your relationship with your sister.  Unless saying something to her will make you feel better even if she gets defensive and holds a bit of a grudge, I would not say anything further to her.  It won't do any good, IMHO.  You made it clear at the time that you were concerned, she dismissed your concerns, your child got sick and so did she, so she must be aware that there is a possibility she was the cause of your child getting sick.  Pushing this now is just basically rubbing her nose in an I Told You So.  I realize the urge to do so is probably pretty strong but all it may do is cause discord within the family, not actually change anything for the future.  I think I would take the high road at this point.

 

Obviously, though, this situation gives you leverage for the future.  If something similar happens again, just be really firm and if she argues, remind her about what happened this time and how you really don't want a repeat.  

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[abba12]

What would I do? Cry, and say nothing heh. People are absolutely thoughtless about illness. I had someone visit me while PREGNANT who, when I went to bring out lunch declined any and started talking about the friend with chicken pox they'd seen earlier in the week and how they were starting to feel a bit off themselves. They risked giving me chicken pox while pregnant! (not interested in a vaccine debate, the vaccine isn't 100% anyway, so a certain level of avoidance for certain groups, such as pregnant women, should still be quite acceptable to adhere to).

 

Regarding the people saying it's unreasonable to expect her to remain home for 24 hours after exposure, I agree to a point. I have been in contact with my sick kids for the past two weeks and I still go out and about, went to church etc. However, I have NOT been to see my grandmother with lukemia. I would NOT go to see a friend with a child under 6mo. I would NOT go to a nursing home and I avoided the older people/babies at church. I think that, while it's unavoidable that people will come into contact with sick people, certain groups should be avoided. A mother with an infant is one of them, and when I have an infant at home I have actually sent company away who were sick. 

[fraidycat]

To answer your original question - yes, you're being unreasonable. The kids probably shared germs before the one started vomiting. Such is life. Your sister wasn't actually sick, so she had no reason to stay away from visiting her parents.

 

As a mother of children, I've had my fair share of contact with sick kids. Cleaning up after them, etc. They've never shared the nasties with me. I'm in direct contact with them and their fluids and don't get sick.

[LucyStoner]

I tend to agree that you are being unreasonable to a degree. Confronting her about what? Being human? Kids get sick. It's more likely that your child got sick from playing with her cousins.

[Word Nerd]

I'm sorry your little one is sick. I understand why you're angry, but I wouldn't confront her as I don't think there would be much point. It happens. Hopefully it's a short lived virus and you don't all get it.

[HSmomof2]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. People knowingly exposing me or my dc to illness really makes me angry. In this case, however, I think it sounds like just bad timing and one of those unfortunate things where people get sick. I wouldn't say anything to your sister in this particular circumstance. (And I don't say that lightly----I have a stomach flu/vomit phobia). Hope your little one feels better soon and everyone else stays well.

[Tsuga]

I believe that my family is very considerate about illness.

 

Our protocol is:

 

* Wash your hands before holding a newborn (<2 months)

* If you've been exposed to illness recently, don't hold the newborn

* If you have been actively sick in the past 24 hours (fever, vomiting) you don't go out unless you are specifically invited by someone who has already been exposed, e.g. my neighbor and I have kids in the same school district and we bend the 24-hour rule when we know they're on the mend and they're all going to get it anyway

* Inform people if you have the sniffles and follow their lead, even if it's a child going to the birthday party

* My children have never touched a baby under 3 months. I screech at them. "DON'T GET YOUR GERMS ON THE BABY!" Basically, keep kids away from babies other than immediate siblings.

 

However, "relatives of the sick person don't go out" is not in the list of social norms. It's just not possible. We all have jobs. We all have kids. Only very few of those kids are homeschooled and even those attend several events with public school kids, such as church, sports, and so on, on a weekly basis.

 

Quarantine of those exposed is unrealistic to request for all but the most severe illnesses, such as measles, pertussis, etc.

 

I also don't put a 3-month-old in the "newborn" category. Infant, yes, nursing babe, yes. Newborn to me is 6 weeks or less, maybe 2 months.

 

So, yes, I think you are being unreasonable to expect your sister not to come.

 

I think a reasonable response would be, "I'm worried about getting sick. The baby hasn't had all the shots. So I'm going to keep my distance. Here's a distance hug! MWAH!!! Don't mind the scent of Clorox Wipes. It makes me feel better. I am very sorry for nephew's illness but we don't want to get it."

 

If she were put off by that, it would be her problem. You stated your expectation, you compromised, up to her how she takes it.

 

[katilac]

I very much hated it when sick people were intentionally around my non-sick children, when it could be easily avoided, but this case doesn't really trigger my indignation as much. 

 

She wasn't sick. Presumably she practiced good hygiene, and you didn't let her pick up the littles - in between that, and the fact that it sounds like you have all been visiting throughout the week, I wouldn't stress over it. 

 

It sounds like those germs were good and everywhere no matter what. 

[Lisbeth]

I have a relative like that. She was always very inconsiderate about infecting other people. I think the very elderly and those under 6 months should be given extra consideration and protection from germs.

My relative in question is also a flaming narc and sociopath, so we stopped associating with her for other reasons.

[abba12]

However, "relatives of the sick person don't go out" is not in the list of social norms. It's just not possible. We all have jobs. We all have kids. Only very few of those kids are homeschooled and even those attend several events with public school kids, such as church, sports, and so on, on a weekly basis.

 

Quarantine of those exposed is unrealistic to request for all but the most severe illnesses, such as measles, pertussis, etc.

 

I agree, but is it really unreasonable to say 'relatives of a sick person should avoid babies under 6mo and frail elderly people?' I don't take issue with relatives of sick people being out and about at the store, but intentionally going to a house with a tiny baby seems different to me. I avoided my grandma with lukemia for the past 3 weeks due to my children being sick even though I wasn't. But I didn't avoid my father. I'd have avoided friends with newborns, but wouldn't have avoided friends with toddlers.

 

I think everyone saying that that the OP is being unreasonable is missing the fact she's talking, not about the whole family staying home in bed, but about not coming in contact with a small baby. 

[Reefgazer]

I don't get upset at stuff like that; families and friends pass illnesses to each other - it's part of living.

[merry gardens]

It's unreasonable. The sister traveled the same 3 hour distance as the op did. She visited her parents. If the op was that concerned, she could have said "goodbye" and gone home. And even if she had left without seeing that sister again, the op's children still may have ended up sick because they may have been exposed from the other sister' s child before anyone realized anyone was sick.

[FriedClams]

MHO, you were a guest at your parent's home. Guests don't get to make demands.

At you house, feel free to make any rule you want, but expect they - or you - will be ignored.

 

And, because her kid was sick doesn't mean she had it or that she was the one who passed it on. A trip to the grocery store is also a likely culprit. What about the kids of doctors or nurses? They're not in quarantine from their parents who see sick kids all day every day.

 

Now, if this were a case of a medically special needs kid - that's another story. But, Billy threw up (my dd does that with low blood sugar) and now he's fine at home and I'm coming to visit. I'd let it go and be glad you have a family that actually wants to spend time with you and your kids.

[Word Nerd]

 

And, because her kid was sick doesn't mean she had it or that she was the one who passed it on. 

 

Her kid wasn't sick. She was just a guest in the sick child's home, so her exposure to the child would have been minimal. It's more likely that the OP's child was exposed earlier in the week when playing with the other kids.

[Greta]

Hugs OP. I don't think saying anything now will actually net positive results, either for future situations or for your relationship with your sister. Unless saying something to her will make you feel better even if she gets defensive and holds a bit of a grudge, I would not say anything further to her. It won't do any good, IMHO. You made it clear at the time that you were concerned, she dismissed your concerns, your child got sick and so did she, so she must be aware that there is a possibility she was the cause of your child getting sick. Pushing this now is just basically rubbing her nose in an I Told You So. I realize the urge to do so is probably pretty strong but all it may do is cause discord within the family, not actually change anything for the future. I think I would take the high road at this point.

 

Obviously, though, this situation gives you leverage for the future. If something similar happens again, just be really firm and if she argues, remind her about what happened this time and how you really don't want a repeat.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

After sleeping on it, I think this is far better advice than what I gave.

[DesertBlossom]

Last summer my SIL and her family drove 15 hrs to see us-- a visit we were very much looking forward to. When they got here she informed me that one of her kids had been throwing up on the car ride, but happily they had made it anyway.

 

I wanted to die inside. But I couldn't really turn them away at the door as we were the only people in town they came to visit. Sure enough, a couple of the other kids came down with it but we had a fun visit together anyway. It wasn't until after they left that my DD with type 1 diabetes got the stomach bug and for a while I was worried we were going to have to take her to the hospital to help manage her blood sugar during the vomiting. We didn't end up needing to take her in, but my 1 year old did spend 24 hrs in the hospital receiving IV fluids when she became lethargic after throwing up continuously.

 

I never said a word to my SIL who was long gone by the time I got to live through my own little personal hell with my sick kids. She's an otherwise kind, considerate person whose excitement over her visit clouded her judgment. I didn't feel it would have been helpful to say anything after the fact.

 

Personally, I wish they would have postponed their visit until they were sure no one was sick. But I also realize that illness is somewhat inevitable and I can't protect my kids from everything so I don't see any point in becoming angry over something I can't go back and change anyway.

 

As for not-yet-sick kids who have only been exposed to illness- I think that's a tough call. From what I've seen, it often takes more than 24 hrs from exposure to fall ill, so I don't see any point in quaranting my family for days on end for only the possibility that they might get sick. Had they already been throwing up, yes. But there was also the chance they weren't going to get sick at all.

 

 

ETA: If I was at all annoyed it was because the year before when we visited them and another stomach bug was going around, they WATCHED the scariest moment of of life when DD (with T1Diabetes) started throwing up. Her blood sugar plummeted and I worried I was going to have to call 911. (I managed to coax my puking daughter to eat enough glucose to keep her from passing out, but it was the scariest moment of my life so far) I would have thought after that experience they knew how scary a stomach bug could be for DD and they *should* have known that I wouldn't want their sick kids at my house.

 

But... I am rather non-confrontational and I know raising a ruckus would have only damaged relationships. I just didn't see the point in making her feel bad about it

[RKWAcademy]

My kids were preemies and pretty sick for awhile - so much so that our doctor told us to get a nanny rather than any kind of day care.  We stayed home most of the first two years.  So, I'm used to sheltering my babies from even the suggestion of sickness.  However, in this situation, I would not have thought a healthy adult would expose the kids.  It wouldn't be any different than being near an adult in public who happens to have a sick kid at home.  Seems to me both sisters were reasonable and, unfortunately, the kids got sick.  Hope they are on the mend as quickly as it sounds your niece was.

[Cottonwood]

Let me first say that I work in pharmacy, so I am exposed to everything going around town, often on a daily basis.  I have 3 kids in different schools, and a husband who is exposed to medical waste on a daily basis. Going by the 24 hour rule, if you were my sister, I would Never see you, nor would anyone in my family.  There is never a 24 hour period that we aren't all exposed to someone who has a significant illness.  The same can be said about anyone who works with the public, goes to any school, or goes out in public at all.  We are all exposed to things every day, that is how we build immunity.  Does your husband work and then come home every day? 

 

Unless someone is actively sick, feeling 'off', or feverish.....I would never presume they are contagious.  

 

If you would have said, 'hey, just in case your sick and don't know it yet, please don't hold the baby, kiss the little ones, or drink out of my glass". I would have said that is reasonable.  I wouldn't share body fluids, but just being in the same room....I would have thought it was an odd request also.  

 

Honestly, you have NO idea how your little one got sick. Had you not seen the rest of the family yet? Had your mom not seen any of them? Did you go anywhere in public before the visit?  It is unlikely, but entirely possible your son was the first person sick, who shared it with the cousin.  Incubation times vary from person to person, and if you are going by the 'your contagious before you know your sick', then you can't rule that out.

 

:iagree:

 

 

Also I agree that this stuff happens in families.  I just never get worked up about this sort of thing.  I do a few different things daily to try to boost our immunity as much as possible...like, immunity is a mission for me LOL but if they/we get sick, I figure we would have anyway.   If I was away from home with three littles it would particularly stressful, yes.  If my request was dismissed, yes I would probably upset about it.  But I personally would have not made the request.  I wouldn't be angry or expect anything different to have happened because the decisions weren't up to me.  Although I might make a point to be prepared for it happening again and being prepared to make a different decision or two next time should it line up the same.  I'm not sure I understand all the logistics and coming/goings of the family but it sounds like this is going around in your extended family and chances are that you all would have been exposed at some point anyway.  I mean, I just don't see that avoiding this ONE exposure would have saved you guys since it's going around and others in your family would have been exposed to the sick family members since they also were freely associating with them.  

 

I think maybe you are being a little unreasonable.  But I understand why you might be upset and hope no one else gets it.  Hugs, Mama!.  

[Mergath]

If they'd already been visiting for a week, they probably picked it up locally. And in my experience, when one person has the stomach flu, so does half the town. It seems to spread like wildfire. Realistically, there probably wasn't any way your family could have avoided it. I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was merely exposed not to leave home.

[Tsuga]

I agree, but is it really unreasonable to say 'relatives of a sick person should avoid babies under 6mo and frail elderly people?' I don't take issue with relatives of sick people being out and about at the store, but intentionally going to a house with a tiny baby seems different to me. I avoided my grandma with lukemia for the past 3 weeks due to my children being sick even though I wasn't. But I didn't avoid my father. I'd have avoided friends with newborns, but wouldn't have avoided friends with toddlers.

 

I think everyone saying that that the OP is being unreasonable is missing the fact she's talking, not about the whole family staying home in bed, but about not coming in contact with a small baby.

Some families may have fewer babies around. Our family seems to have one at every gathering for the past 15 years. It may be another 15 before we get a new crop (the current batch having been born to Generation X, with just two under three at the most recent gathering) but for families in that phase of life, I don't think it's realistic.

 

Also... I think there is a certain level of "it's just a baby." Some babies are in need of special treatment due to illness or disability, for sure, but as for the others quarantining from exposure alone, my aunts and mom and godmothers and others would say and have said, "you'd think she was the first person to ever have a baby."

[Tsuga]

Adding: I am tAlking about a baby that is 3 mo not newborn. I always respect the 6 week / 40 day space.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I don't see it as reasonable to ask the other sister, who traveled the same distance, to avoid visiting her own parents when she isn't even feeling ill. If I was the OP in this instance and felt our health threatened, I would move us to a hotel to avoid all who were exposed. The reality is, though, they were all probably exposed before the sick child was actually visibly ill.

:iagree:  :iagree:  :iagree:

 

 

Honestly,I think you're being unreasonable and if either of my sisters had made a fuss it would seriously upset me.  Luckily (unluckily?) I'm the fussy one in the family. Kids get sick and they often get the viruses from children with no symptoms yet.  The other kids had been over in the previous days and were likely already infected.  Flu virus can take days to manifest symptoms all the while being contagious.  

 

Here's a bit from the CDC:

How long is a person with flu virus contagious? Most healthy adults may be able to infect other people beginning 1 day before symptoms develop and up to 5 to 7 days after becoming sick. Children may pass the virus for longer than 7 days. Symptoms start 1 to 4 days after the virus enters the body.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: Hopefully no one else will get it.  (I would sanitize the bathrooms like crazy and other things around the house like door nobs and switches.)

 

Confront if you like, but I would chalk this up to lesson learned and not count on her in the future to accept your requests.  

[Annie Elle]

If your sister was not symptomatic, I don't think you can blame her. I'm a nurse and am around illness all the time. If I isolated myself every time I was around a sick person, I would not have a life.

[Lisbeth]

I always thought it was amazing that people are very obsessed and fret that they might offend with BO or the like, and are for the most part sure to shower and smell nice around others. However, they will be A-OK passing around their "plague" to friends and family with abandon, even the newborn, the very sick old relative in the hospital, etc.  It's almost like they don't really put it together that their germ could seriously hurt the most vulnerable among us. 

 

I think the blase attitude is just cultural and where we are now.  Doctors didn't used to wash their hands, women died in childbirth, people threw their waste into the street - we've come a long way, baby.  But...maybe we have more distance to go to be truly considerate of others (especially vulnerable others).

[Katy]

We basically stay away from all people with a newborn in the family if anyone in the family is sick.

 

The rule holds unless and until said baby is in daycare or an older sibling is in preschool.

 

I think this is common courtesy, but my extended family has several people who work in health care or who used to so we may be more germ phobic than most families.

 

I know my mom wouldn't let us stay with one of my aunts because she didn't seem to take sick kids seriously at all and it worried my mom.

[HS Mom in NC]

I’m in the camp that isn’t worried about it much.  I wouldn’t go anywhere near a newborn (0-4 weeks old) if I had a sick kid but wasn’t sick myself.  I didn’t take my newborns out and I didn’t hand them to people.  That means I stayed home and invited people to my house when I was ready.  My turf.  My rules.

 I’m not fretful about illness.  If someone comes over who left their sick child at home I would just shrug.  I don’t believe it’s actually possible to avoid all contact with the exposed unless I’m at home with people who have been at home for weeks. I have a kid who was immunocompromised in her early to mid teens according to her immunologist. She still went and lived life and when she got sick she got sick.  She lived.  If she were so compromised that being outside the house or a plastic bubble were not medically advised then I’d do something differently.

 

I don’t understand the mindset of people avoiding every opportunity to get sick.  That’s how you build your immune system.  It’s not deadly disease like the plague or Ebola.  It’s a cold.  It’s a stomach bug.  Remember back in the day when the annual flu wasn't newsworthy?  Why is it now? Sure, if you bought tickets to Disneyland and you can only go at a certain time and you’re trying to avoid getting sick and missing out on a one in a life time or annual vacation or something, but as a general policy?  Nope.  We plan to get sick a couple times of year because that’s how life works.

[Annie G]

Last summer my SIL and her family drove 15 hrs to see us-- a visit we were very much looking forward to. When they got here she informed me that one of her kids had been throwing up on the car ride, but happily they had made it anyway.

 

 

 

Personally, I wish they would have postponed their visit until they were sure no one was sick. But I also realize that illness is somewhat inevitable and I can't protect my kids from everything so I don't see any point in becoming angry over something I can't go back and change anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

It's not clear from your description, but I read it as the child got sick ON the way to visit you.  Depending on where that started and how it started, I'm not sure it would have made sense to turn around and go back home.  When it started, it might not have been clear whether it was carsickness, eating something that didn't agree with the kid, or a virus. And even if it was a virus, turning around might not have been all that easy either. 

 

 

Postponing until everyone was well- that's not always so easy either.  If that had been us, dh would have scheduled his vacation time so it didn't overlap with time his boss needed off (they cover for each other) or during audits or other critical times. So it's not always possible to postpone or reschedule a trip. Lots of folks have to schedule vacation time months in advance. 

 

You have kids who sound more medically fragile than most- I get why you don't want your kids exposed to illnesses- but for a general rule, it's pretty hard to avoid being exposed to illnesses.  You have a great attitude to not get upset over something that's over and done. 

[DesertBlossom]

It's not clear from your description, but I read it as the child got sick ON the way to visit you. Depending on where that started and how it started, I'm not sure it would have made sense to turn around and go back home. When it started, it might not have been clear whether it was carsickness, eating something that didn't agree with the kid, or a virus. And even if it was a virus, turning around might not have been all that easy either.

 

 

Postponing until everyone was well- that's not always so easy either. If that had been us, dh would have scheduled his vacation time so it didn't overlap with time his boss needed off (they cover for each other) or during audits or other critical times. So it's not always possible to postpone or reschedule a trip. Lots of folks have to schedule vacation time months in advance.

 

You have kids who sound more medically fragile than most- I get why you don't want your kids exposed to illnesses- but for a general rule, it's pretty hard to avoid being exposed to illnesses. You have a great attitude to not get upset over something that's over and done.

Not that it all really matters now, but they had driven 3 hours of their trip and stopped at MIL's house to pick her up and to sleep for the night. Nephew was up all that night puking, but they continued traveling on the next day.

 

Stomach bugs are generally a giant PITA with Type 1 diabetes because it makes ot very hard to manage blood sugar and keep ketones down. She doesn't necessarily get more sick than my other kids, it's just more complicated. The baby's hospital stay was a fluke. She's otherwise super healthy, she just got this bug bad and couldn't keep anything down at all. She perked back up with IV fluids.

 

It is what it is. If if think about too long I get grumpy. But I otherwise love SIL so I try not to get my panties in a wad over it. I still have no intention of ever mentioning it to her.

 

But you're right- even postponing it would have been complicated. Plus, there's a chance no one else would even come down with it. So in hindsight, if she had called and said her kid got sick, I'm not sure what I would have said. It was likely the only time they could come. Had I KNOWN what would happen, I would have asked theu cancel. But the optimist in me would have hoped it wasn't a big deal.