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I have a knot in my gut. I'm so anxious. Please JAWM.

Ginevra

By Ginevra,
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Ginevra

Ginevra

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Be kind to me. I'm so stressed out about a multitude of things. I come to the office, which I share with sil, "Jane." I'm a ball of stress over work anyway, because DH and bil are splitting companies after thirty years in business together. In one sense, it's a relief, because sharing the office work with Jane is not fun any more. So that will be over by 2016. But meanwhile I resent so many things that happen here. She writes me nine thousand notes about dumb crap that I wish she would just deal with herself. She will be doing these things herself anyway next year, so why not learn now what the EPA Lead Notification is that we must send to tenants, for instance? Why write a freakin note asking me to do it and just playing Dumb Debbie in the meantime? She also harps on the tenants and it bugs me. One tenant dropped by the office last week with lease renewal and rent check; the tenant had texted me saying she wanted to bring it by, so I said sure, put it on my desk. jane has a COW because she thinks it is imperative that she or I receive it in person. Well, I think that's just dumb (except perhaps in the case of an untrustworthy tenant who never does what she says; we have had them, but this is not such a tenant.)

 

No, i have no point right now, I'm just thinking it may have been foolish to go off my SSRI. I remember I get like this. My stomach actually hurts.

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Guest

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

"No" is a complete sentence.

Yeah, one I wish I was better at using w/her. She's so volitile (and has been for several years) that I go thru a ton of bull to keep the peace. I don't like her condescention towards the tenants. She treats them like they must be idiots. Or criminals.

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creekland

creekland

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I assume you already have a calendar counting down the days?

 

And since I believe in treats to reward good behavior in enduring not-so-fun situations - treat yourself to something in her honor - each time.  This will give you something to look forward to when she's being herself.

 

(I just finished a Jamocha shake from Arby's myself, but I'll recommend perhaps going with a non high calorie reward if you can think of something as it sounds like you might be getting tons of rewards between now and the end of that countdown calendar.)

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goldberry

goldberry

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:grouphug:

 

I find myself to be way less patient when I know a situation is changing BUT it hasn't changed yet.

 

Hang in there!

 

Yes!  

 

:grouphug:  to you Quill.  I have left a job over the stress before, I know how bad it can be...

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I assume you already have a calendar counting down the days?

 

And since I believe in treats to reward good behavior in enduring not-so-fun situations - treat yourself to something in her honor - each time. This will give you something to look forward to when she's being herself.

 

(I just finished a Jamocha shake from Arby's myself, but I'll recommend perhaps going with a non high calorie reward if you can think of something as it sounds like you might be getting tons of rewards between now and the end of that countdown calendar.)

This is a plan that has merit.

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Wildcat

Wildcat

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Be kind to me. I'm so stressed out about a multitude of things. I come to the office, which I share with sil, "Jane." I'm a ball of stress over work anyway, because DH and bil are splitting companies after thirty years in business together. In one sense, it's a relief, because sharing the office work with Jane is not fun any more. So that will be over by 2016. But meanwhile I resent so many things that happen here. She writes me nine thousand notes about dumb crap that I wish she would just deal with herself. She will be doing these things herself anyway next year, so why not learn now what the EPA Lead Notification is that we must send to tenants, for instance? Why write a freakin note asking me to do it and just playing Dumb Debbie in the meantime? She also harps on the tenants and it bugs me. One tenant dropped by the office last week with lease renewal and rent check; the tenant had texted me saying she wanted to bring it by, so I said sure, put it on my desk. jane has a COW because she thinks it is imperative that she or I receive it in person. Well, I think that's just dumb (except perhaps in the case of an untrustworthy tenant who never does what she says; we have had them, but this is not such a tenant.)

 

No, i have no point right now, I'm just thinking it may have been foolish to go off my SSRI. I remember I get like this. My stomach actually hurts.

Regarding the part I bolded:

 

Can you look at it a different way and smile on the inside knowing what the future might hold for her? I'm the type of person to take comfort in the notion that she will be up a creek once she has to deal with it all herself and will smile to myself and gladly hang up the phone if she calls me for help. Karma is a b*tch.

 

 

ETA:  Sorry you are so stressed. :grouphug: :grouphug:

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Regarding the part I bolded:

 

Can you look at it a different way and smile on the inside knowing what the future might hold for her? I'm the type of person to take comfort in the notion that she will be up a creek once she has to deal with it all herself and will smile to myself and gladly hang up the phone if she calls me for help. Karma is a b*tch.

 

 

ETA: Sorry you are so stressed. :grouphug: :grouphug:

I do think this often, but I'm assuming she will just call me/bug me with all the things she didn't learn how to do now.

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Guest

Guest

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It is 5:17pm, local time, and I don't need to drive anywhere tonight. I vote i get a Mike's Hard Black Cherry. Maybe two. I have some leftover from a party. It's the reward Creekland told me I earned. Sound right?

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creekland

creekland

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It is 5:17pm, local time, and I don't need to drive anywhere tonight. I vote i get a Mike's Hard Black Cherry. Maybe two. I have some leftover from a party. It's the reward Creekland told me I earned. Sound right?

 

Definitely!  Bribes Rewards are what makes certain parts of life tolerable.  They should never be limited to what we offer our children IMO.  They give us something to look forward to when life isn't going the way it should.  That peace of mind is worth a good bit mentally and health-wise.

 

And for once, there's not an ounce of joking in this response.  ;)

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Guest

Guest

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I already replied above but I went out for an errand and couldn't stop thinking of you so I'm adding more hugs.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Aww, thanks. I'm still aggitated. I'm stewing, even though I know that helps nothing. I'm so tired of her damn notes. There were four notes today about dumb stuff!

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ErinE

ErinE

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Aww, thanks. I'm still aggitated. I'm stewing, even though I know that helps nothing. I'm so tired of her damn notes. There were four notes today about dumb stuff!

Must you respond to the notes? Or can you offer to show her how to do the tasks, since you'll be splitting? Or is she likely to alienate your tenants? I'm sorry you must deal with it for several more months.

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Guest

Guest

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Must you respond to the notes? Or can you offer to show her how to do the tasks, since you'll be splitting? Or is she likely to alienate your tenants? I'm sorry you must deal with it for several more months.

Sometimes I respond, other times I just do what needs to be done and don't reply or write a note back. Once in a while, I have called her (which is saying a lot because I am phone-phobic under the best circumstances, let alone for conflict), just so I could try and be diplomatic and trouble-shooting, KWIM? Today I wrote notes back to her because I was aggitated.

 

About the tenant who dropped off the check, I wrote her back asking why she feels it matters. And telling her I'm not going to drop everything and drive over to the office just so the tenant can put it in my hand. (Again - there has been a tenant where this would be sensible because she was two month's behind, say, but not in *this* case. I don't see why it matters for a reasonable tenant.) i also saw an e-mail chain where I felt she berated this same tenant for doing that. So - note to me freaking out, plus email to tenant, scolding her and iterating that she must give it to one of us in person. Well, I just think that stinks AND maybe she wants to drop everything to drive to the office, but I don't.

 

See? Still stewing. Sigh. A few times I have phrased my notes back to her as, "As you will see when you take this over yourself, it works better if you..." I don't feel appreciated is part of my resentment; I don't think she realizes that I have a handle on a lot of things she doesn't even know are happening. The computer broke last month; I fixed it. It was rewarding in the sense that I felt good about solving a problem, plus DH was very impressed, but all Jane said when I said I was able to fix it was, "Good, because I need to do payroll tomorrow." Well...you're welcome! :glare

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creekland

creekland

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See? Still stewing. Sigh.

 

This is a sign that your reward is not strong enough.  Time to look for/get something better.  And the reward has to be REAL, not just wishful thinking.  You get it and smile when you think about what you successfully went through - no sighs.

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Guest

Guest

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This is a sign that your reward is not strong enough. Time to look for/get something better. And the reward has to be REAL, not just wishful thinking. You get it and smile when you think about what you successfully went through - no sighs.

Well,

I'm almost finished my first drink, so we're getting there. dH is grilling chicken tonight, so I don't have to get my head together to make dinner. And DD is playing piano right now in the other room. That makes me so happy I can't even tell you.

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myfunnybunch

myfunnybunch

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:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:   

 

Be kind to yourself right now. Transitions are hard.

 

Transitions when you have to deal with anxiety are extra-hard.

 

And of course she's driving you up a wall. She sounds like a difficult person to deal with, and sometimes when you can finally see the end of the tunnel it's almost unbearable that you aren't there already! Soon you will no longer have to deal with her in this capacity. Won't that be a relief?

 

:grouphug:

 

Cat

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idnib

idnib

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I don't feel appreciated is part of my resentment; I don't think she realizes that I have a handle on a lot of things she doesn't even know are happening. The computer broke last month; I fixed it. It was rewarding in the sense that I felt good about solving a problem, plus DH was very impressed, but all Jane said when I said I was able to fix it was, "Good, because I need to do payroll tomorrow." Well...you're welcome! :glare

 

She'll figure it out when you're not there. I know it seems far away, but her comeuppance is on the way!

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Wildcat

Wildcat

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Sometimes I respond, other times I just do what needs to be done and don't reply or write a note back. Once in a while, I have called her (which is saying a lot because I am phone-phobic under the best circumstances, let alone for conflict), just so I could try and be diplomatic and trouble-shooting, KWIM? Today I wrote notes back to her because I was aggitated.

 

About the tenant who dropped off the check, I wrote her back asking why she feels it matters. And telling her I'm not going to drop everything and drive over to the office just so the tenant can put it in my hand. (Again - there has been a tenant where this would be sensible because she was two month's behind, say, but not in *this* case. I don't see why it matters for a reasonable tenant.) i also saw an e-mail chain where I felt she berated this same tenant for doing that. So - note to me freaking out, plus email to tenant, scolding her and iterating that she must give it to one of us in person. Well, I just think that stinks AND maybe she wants to drop everything to drive to the office, but I don't.

 

See? Still stewing. Sigh. A few times I have phrased my notes back to her as, "As you will see when you take this over yourself, it works better if you..." I don't feel appreciated is part of my resentment; I don't think she realizes that I have a handle on a lot of things she doesn't even know are happening. The computer broke last month; I fixed it. It was rewarding in the sense that I felt good about solving a problem, plus DH was very impressed, but all Jane said when I said I was able to fix it was, "Good, because I need to do payroll tomorrow." Well...you're welcome! :glare

 

You are way nicer than me. I would quit responding to the notes and tell her to do it her d@mn self. The older I get, the less patience I have for dealing with people like that. 

 

More :grouphug: :grouphug:  because I'm sure you won't tell her off (and in reality, I wouldn't either, but I would WANT to).  Try to grin on the inside knowing she'll have one heck of a learning curve when everything is in her hands. 

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Reflections

Reflections

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I don't mean to increase your anxiety, but I'd like to know if you and your dh are going to be doing the same kind of business just in another office?  If that is the case, how likely is it that she will call you when she doesn't know something?  You might want to make copious "notes" now. Tuck them away.  And right before you leave, present it to her with a sticky that reads something like:  "Here.  My notes on the business."  And then, when she calls, and you don't want to be too snarky, you could say, "Hey, sil, it's in the notes I gave you.  I'm super D duper busy right now.  Catcha ya later!"   And then hang up.  

 

Other than that... I get all kinds of knotty when I'm dealing with people like your sil.  I distance myself.  That's my reward.  A locked door. A silenced phone.  Snuggles on the couch with my dh and kids.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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applethyme

applethyme

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:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

 

You are a far better person than I am.  As soon as I got to my desk I would gather all the notes and throw them away.  If she has time to write the notes then she has time to deal with the issue.  After a few "I'm sure your notes are somewhere in the paperwork... were they important?" it might set a new tone in your relationship. :lol:

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Guest

Guest

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I don't mean to increase your anxiety, but I'd like to know if you and your dh are going to be doing the same kind of business just in another office? If that is the case, how likely is it that she will call you when she doesn't know something? You might want to make copious "notes" now. Tuck them away. And right before you leave, present it to her with a sticky that reads something like: "Here. My notes on the business." And then, when she calls, and you don't want to be too snarky, you could say, "Hey, sil, it's in the notes I gave you. I'm super D duper busy right now. Catcha ya later!" And then hang up.

 

Other than that... I get all kinds of knotty when I'm dealing with people like your sil. I distance myself. That's my reward. A locked door. A silenced phone. Snuggles on the couch with my dh and kids. :grouphug: :grouphug:

It is highly, highly likely. I love - I mean exceedingly much love - the idea of pre-emptive heaps of notes. I am SO doing this! In the past, we have given each other intelligent instructions for how to do something in the other's absence; for example, detailed instructions for paying an employee through direct deposit. So, it can be like that...just not so handily organized. <passive-agressive evil grin>

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