GinaPagnato Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I have always known that I am competitive. From the time I was young, I always hated to lose or to see someone better than me at anything I was doing. I handled it well, no temper tantrums or punching walls when/if I lost. However, inside I just seethed. As an adult I find I'm still competitive and it comes out in certain ways. For example, when my dc lose a sports game I get irritated. I'm that mom hootin' and hollerin' in the stands. Sometimes I fist pump and jump out of my seat when my kids score. :leaving: I've decided that this is just who I am and I am too old to change my stripes. Now, lest any of you get judgey on me, I don't show it to my kids in any discernible ways. I always compliment them on what they did well, and gently suggest things they could have done better. But if they're really broken up about it, I buy them ice cream and sit on the couch with them while they cry. So, I'm curious. Are any of you competitive. And if so, how does it manifest? Have you learned to embrace your competitiveness and channel it positively? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I do feel competitive about my kids in certain circumstances, but if things don't go in their favor I get over it pretty quickly. I have some kids who are competitive and others who are sooooooooooo chill about everything. I think competitiveness has served me well in most cases. I'm driven and I don't want to do less than I'm capable of. I'm NOT a perfectionist in the sense that things about myself or my environment have to be perfect. I just...hate to lose. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 No. Even when I win, I feel bad for the ones who didn't. I wish the world were less about winning and losing. I also am that mom who hoots and hollers in the stands. Its no fun to sit quietly lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I agree that the world should be less about winning and losing, except I'm pretty sure it's the way it is because of people like me, lol! Kidding, of course. I always feel bad for the ones who lose, particularly young kids who do their best. But I will also give a shout-out to the kids who do well and beat my kids, particularly if I see them working hard. I used to WISH I could sit quietly in the stands and be unbothered about what was going on. There are more people like that than like loud-mouthed me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I'm definitely competitive - as is everyone in my family including hubby - but we choose our battles. When we don't care about something, we literally don't care. Most of us prefer leadership too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I am and I wish I wasn't. I think it would be better to just enjoy things sometimes. The other night it was very cold and I asked my neighbor if she'd done her daily walk because I hadn't gotten enough exercise that day. She said no, but it was too cold and invited me to do the wii running program with her. So, for 40 minutes we did several routes. I was running full out in place because there was no way I was going to let her mii catch mine. I was thinking how freaking stupid it was that I was doing that. When we walk outside, we cover a good distance and chat, but watching the tv screen my brain went into "must win" mode. It's embarrassing that I do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I have always known that I am competitive. From the time I was young, I always hated to lose or to see someone better than me at anything I was doing. I handled it well, no temper tantrums or punching walls when/if I lost. However, inside I just seethed. As an adult I find I'm still competitive and it comes out in certain ways. For example, when my dc lose a sports game I get irritated. I'm that mom hootin' and hollerin' in the stands. Sometimes I fist pump and jump out of my seat when my kids score. :leaving: I've decided that this is just who I am and I am too old to change my stripes. Now, lest any of you get judgey on me, I don't show it to my kids in any discernible ways. I always compliment them on what they did well, and gently suggest things they could have done better. But if they're really broken up about it, I buy them ice cream and sit on the couch with them while they cry. So, I'm curious. Are any of you competitive. And if so, how does it manifest? Have you learned to embrace your competitiveness and channel it positively? Uhmmmm... my ODD is a competitive gymnast. I never thought I was competitive, until she started competing. Now, she loves every second of it, we are always positive, we talk about everything and always find successes (and reasons for ice cream) in every meet. But yeah, I do get (privately) irritated with sandbaggers, and you bet your butt I am yelling for my girl! However, we yell for every single girl on DD's team. Sometimes I feel a little awkward, but I guess it is what it is. I wish I could be the mom who leans back and scans a book during the meet, but I'm the one tracking all the girls' scores. So I am the LAST person to judge you! Come sit next to me and we'll fist pump for our kids together! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 No. Even when I win, I feel bad for the ones who didn't. I wish the world were less about winning and losing. I also am that mom who hoots and hollers in the stands. Its no fun to sit quietly lol. Me too. dH is very competitive, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I am competitive with myself. I like to win and will work hard so I do. Oddly, i don't feel that way about the kids because I have no control over what they did or how hard they worked. As an aside I keep my hobbies strictly out of groups/races/contests realm or I will ruin it for myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I don't have a competitive bone in my body. It's hard for me to understand why people get so worked up over games and sports, but I know it's just a personality type. I often let people I know to have this trait win because I know it means more to them than it does to me :leaving: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 What's a sandbagger? Uhmmmm... my ODD is a competitive gymnast. I never thought I was competitive, until she started competing. Now, she loves every second of it, we are always positive, we talk about everything and always find successes (and reasons for ice cream) in every meet. But yeah, I do get (privately) irritated with sandbaggers, and you bet your butt I am yelling for my girl! However, we yell for every single girl on DD's team. Sometimes I feel a little awkward, but I guess it is what it is. I wish I could be the mom who leans back and scans a book during the meet, but I'm the one tracking all the girls' scores. So I am the LAST person to judge you! Come sit next to me and we'll fist pump for our kids together! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 What's a sandbagger? Gymnast competes (for example) level 4, getting 9.5-9.6s. Gymnast repeats level 4 until she scores 9.8-9.9, 38 or 39 AAs. Gymnasts sweep level 4 state competition. One month later, gymnasts are rocking level 7 with 36 AAs. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Gymnast competes (for example) level 4, getting 9.5-9.6s. Gymnast repeats level 4 until she scores 9.8-9.9, 38 or 39 AAs. Gymnasts sweep level 4 state competition. One month later, gymnasts are rocking level 7 with 36 AAs. :glare: I don't get it lol but I'm assuming its some kind of almost-cheating? Like within the rules but not exactly fair? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Nope, not competitive at all. I am lazy by nature. I got good grades in school but could have done a bit better if I had really applied myself. I enjoy horseback riding but have no desire to show or "work hard" at it......I just want to enjoy it. When I have a job to do, I do try to do it well, but I am not driven to "beat" anyone at anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I don't get it lol but I'm assuming its some kind of almost-cheating? Like within the rules but not exactly fair? Yes, exactly. Rebecca got hammered at states her first two years thanks to actions like this. A 37.6 AA got her 15th place out of 16 her first year. Oops, sorry! I didn't realize you were an all-boy mom. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I used to think I was competitive. Then my kids started playing really serious sports and I realized I am not competitive at all compared to the other parents. After about 10 years of travel baseball I am now so NOT competitive that I rarely know the score or who is winning. Then I had a kid get into academic competitions. Those travel baseball parents look chill compared to geography bee and history bee parents! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Only in two areas, writing and my grades. Those are more internal competitiveness, I guess. The grades may be more perfectionist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Absolutely not! I suffer from a terrible lack of competitiveness: even as a kid I hated beating anybody, and if I couldn't get out of competing I would purposely let other people win. I know some people (most people?) enjoy competing, but I just hate the way kids are taught that to succeed, you have to make somebody else fail/lose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelAR05 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Yes, I am very competitive. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I refuse to play board games with my family because I don't like to lose. I get all cranky and I have to put myself in time-out. Yeah, you could say I'm competitive - and it's not pretty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildiris Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Yes, I am very competitive. :) Me too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Wow! I wonder whether this is reflective of the levels of competitiveness in general, or whether perhaps home educations tend to me more competitive than other people? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I am not at all competitive about games or sports. I could care less how my kids do in those areas and I already know I suck at sports and I don't care. I do have areas though where I do hope my kids do welll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I used to be, but I got over it. I'll bet I'm more over it than anyone here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I'm a very competitive person. I chalk it up to having 3 competitive brothers, but I know there is more to it than that. I have really worked on this aspect of my personality -- and I've gotten a lot better at it. I find I get more upset with my kids if they aren't trying/coachable than if they just lose a race. A well fought loss is not failure (of course, I wish they had won, but I'm still able to glow with pride that my 15yo son dropped 6 more seconds in the 200IM, and bested an 18yo boy at the same time). My kids aren't going to be the best at everything. I just want them to DO their best. This is a mindset shift. It's something I work at daily -- it is the same mindset shift I needed to make for their school work as it is for their competitive sports, or even Boy Scouts (one Den Leader had a son who is the same age as my oldest...it seemed like we were in a constant battle of who could achieve more/do better. It was pretty awful. Thankfully, we were in different BSA Troops.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I am competitive only with myself, does that count :lol: Joking aside, majority of my extended family are perfectionists. However when something doesn't interest us, we really don't care either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I am not competitive. but I seem to be beating to a different drum to everyone else. I also do not like sports playing or watching. the only reason I referee basketball is for my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevergiveup Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I am selectively competitive. If I think I can win--stand back. If I know I can't, I won't try as hard as I should. And, I'm not above starting something and jumping ship if it becomes obvious that I can't compete. But, I'm a good sport about all of it :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I'm only competitive with myself. For example, if I'm fitness walking I want to walk as far and as fast as I can, and improve from day to day and week to week. It doesn't bother me in the least if someone else walks faster and farther. As a shortie, I figured out as a young kid that there were always going to be people who were physically stronger and faster than me. I don't ever remember being bothered by it. As far as grades in school -- as long as I felt I had done my best I was okay with others doing better. Likewise, I was never particularly competitive where my kids were concerned. Sure I liked it when they won because it made them happy. But whether they won or not wasn't something I could control, so it didn't particularly bother me when they lost. I wonder if competitiveness has any correlation to being an introvert or extrovert? Whether it's focused more internally or externally? Hmmmm . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Not at all. My son, OTOH, loves to compete. He's really chill about some stuff, like playing games with friends or something, but he loves loves loves to race, loves to push himself academically and in athletics. I totally don't get the loud parents-- the ones yelling and hollering, whether in a positive or negative way. Totally turns me off and I've missed many, many a hockey game trying to get away from them. It's awful, and I'm never surprised when their own kids come off the ice in tears, or when they berate the other exam or refs. Ugh. Look, I'm excited for my kid too, but NOT at the expense of yorurs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 There's a difference between cheering and jeering/yelling. Just because I cheer for our team doesn't mean I berate my kids, boo the other team, or scream at the refs. Yes, I'm competitive, and I cheer from the stands or my couch. Woo! I'm also more inwardly competitive about non-sports things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicianmom Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) * Edited May 22, 2022 by musicianmom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Not overly. I like to win, but it isn't my main goal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 There's a difference between cheering and jeering/yelling. Just because I cheer for our team doesn't mean I berate my kids, boo the other team, or scream at the refs. Yes, I'm competitive, and I cheer from the stands or my couch. Woo! I'm also more inwardly competitive about non-sports things. Exactly! I know Rebecca actually loves to hear us cheering for her. Her teammates are animated too. I honestly never thought I would find myself cheering loudly, but it's really very common in gymnastics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poiema Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Yes and no. Competition motivates me to do better, but I don't like to see other people lose. So if someone is doing better than me (in a game, workout, etc) I push myself harder, but if they are behind me I slack off in order to let them catch up. I try to keep things even with whoever I am with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 There isn't a competitive bone in my body. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 There isn't a competitive bone in my body. I have more posts than you. :001_tt2: :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I have more posts than you. :001_tt2: :D LOL Actually, you don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I have always known that I am competitive. From the time I was young, I always hated to lose or to see someone better than me at anything I was doing. I handled it well, no temper tantrums or punching walls when/if I lost. However, inside I just seethed. As an adult I find I'm still competitive and it comes out in certain ways. For example, when my dc lose a sports game I get irritated. I'm that mom hootin' and hollerin' in the stands. Sometimes I fist pump and jump out of my seat when my kids score. :leaving: I've decided that this is just who I am and I am too old to change my stripes. Now, lest any of you get judgey on me, I don't show it to my kids in any discernible ways. I always compliment them on what they did well, and gently suggest things they could have done better. But if they're really broken up about it, I buy them ice cream and sit on the couch with them while they cry. So, I'm curious. Are any of you competitive. And if so, how does it manifest? Have you learned to embrace your competitiveness and channel it positively? Only in things I already know that I rock at, but not at other things. I'm not that mom, and my kid was good. I was the mom praying, "Please God, don't let anyone get hurt!" every single play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 Wow! I wonder whether this is reflective of the levels of competitiveness in general, or whether perhaps home educations tend to me more competitive than other people? This is a good one to ponder. Do home educators tend to be more competitive than other parents, or do they home educate because they are more competitive? Wait, is that the same thing? I dunno, but I will say that I am internally HUGELY competitive with other parents in terms of their kids' education in comparison to mine. Like if their kid does really well in a certain subject that my kid is struggling with, I tend to think, "Well, that's because their kid is in ps and the standards are much lower than our homeschool." This is, of course, possibly not true, but it's still the way I rationalize it. :) On the other hand, if a friend's child in a magnet school known for its rigorous curriculum is ALSO doing better or is more advanced than my kid, well then...I guess we lose???? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 LOL Actually, you don't. I know. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 No, I am not competitive at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 No, I am not competitive. I believe in doing things to the best of my ability and hope everyone else does the same. I am more of a teaching person - if I know something that will help another person improve, I'll gladly share the knowledge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I totally don't get the loud parents-- the ones yelling and hollering, whether in a positive or negative way. Totally turns me off and I've missed many, many a hockey game trying to get away from them. It's awful, and I'm never surprised when their own kids come off the ice in tears, or when they berate the other exam or refs. Ugh. Look, I'm excited for my kid too, but NOT at the expense of yorurs! I am a loud parent at baseball games. I've never said anything negative about any players on either team and I often will cheer for the other team - either encouragement or congratulatory after a good play. I have only rarely heard or seen anything like what you describe and the few times I have it is obvious that the other parents don't approve. In a perfect world, how would you want the spectators to behave? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I am more of a teaching person - if I know something that will help another person improve, I'll gladly share the knowledge. I'll gladly share knowledge too, except perhaps in a game of Capture the Flag or something. When my family plays cards like Quiddler or Three-Thirteen we always look at all the hands at the end and make suggestions if we see something worth more/less points. It's not really a fair competition if one side keeps an unfair advantage over another. As a competitive person I prefer winning when the game is fair, and the better the competition the more fun it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 This thread reminds me of a wonderful line from the show "Modern Family".... "We tell our kids it doesn't matter if they win or lose. But let's be honest. Winning feels pretty great. There's nothing like that golden moment in the sun. I think every parent wants that for their child. I think for ourselves, too..." My rambling thoughts....I'm a competitive person. Early on I recognized those areas (academics-related, generally, but also things like card and board games) where I was likely to "win," and I focused on those. Unfortunately my competitiveness led me to avoid things at which I didn't do well (sports, things requiring public-speaking) - even when I had a feeling I'd like to do them anyway. For example, I have always loved plays, and as a teen I often thought it would be fun to be in a school play, but I knew I wouldn't earn a lead role so I didn't do it. I have become somewhat better about this as an adult, but regret some earlier missed opportunities. It is something I'm keenly aware of with my DC - I encourage them to try a wide variety of activities, even if they don't "win," just for the sheer enjoyment, and to concentrate on personal improvement. They both like drawing, so we have lots of art materials around and they do classes, although neither shows a particular skill at it. And they both swim competitively - we focus on improving personal times rather than rankings. Of course, the punch line to the quote above is pretty good - and probably reflects reality: "Sometimes we push too hard, and that leads to a lot of resentment and guilt. So how much is too much? Here's how I come out. Guilt fades...hardware lasts forever." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 No, I am not competitive at all...It is often a source of jokes in my house...I really don't care if someone is better than me at things...I don't know if it is good or bad, but I am just not competitive... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope44 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Yes. I'm competitive, but not in a passive aggressive way. I think there is healthy competition and non-healthy. I root for my kids, husband, etc. I try my hardest, but if I lose, I'm a good sport. I do like to do well on everything I try, but if I know I'm in over my head, I'll still participate and try my best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I am not competitive at all. I quit a beginner hockey league because the guys would sit on the bench and criticize the other (beginner) players. In sports and all aspects of life, I am not interested in besting anyone. I would rather we all just get along and work together. My kids play competitive hockey. I cheer for them, and I am happy when their teams do well, but in the end ... it's kids playing hockey. I don't really care whether they win or lose as long as (*groan*) they have fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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