Do you require "Yes, ma'am" or "Yes, sir"?

[fairfarmhand]

I'll take a cheerful "Ok Mom!" over a sullen "Yes ma'am" any day.

 

Tone is what counts with me. And I am a lifelong southerner who was raised to say "Yes ma'am."

 

Having a rather difficult child has taught me to choose my battles. Mouthing a particular word or phrase does not mean you are respectful, nor does the lack of that phrase mean disrespect.

[KungFuPanda]

After I responded to this, dh got home from a trip to the parts store. He said the guy (maybe early 30's) asked if there was anything else he needed after he got the parts dh needed. Dh said, "No sir", and he said the guy really snotty said to him, "You don't need to Sir me, I work for a living." Wuhhhh? He just laughed it off, but couldn't quite understand that response.

This is a common joke response in the military if someone accidentally "Sirs" someone who isn't an officer. The guy might have been ex-military.

[poppy]

I have never heard a child say that (except on tv) and it is strange and unpleasant to me.

[SKL]

Along these lines, I always wonder why women have titles that denote their marital status, but men don't.  I know we have "Ms", but I don't encounter that often.

 

I remember as a kid when "Ms" was being discussed and it was considered ridiculous by most people.  Now as a single mom, I wish it was the standard term.  Any meaning the distinction ever had in everyday communication is long gone, so why even go there?  I don't like the idea of my kids' classmates having to make a distinction and wondering about the backstory of my single mom ness.  I won't correct people who call me Mrs., but it feels uncomfortable.  (And I'm way too old and ugly to be "Miss.")

 

I make my kids call their young married piano teacher "Mrs. Sara" because "Miss Sara" is inaccurate and "Sara" is too informal and "Mrs. Lastname" is too formal.  :p  At coached activities it's either Coach Firstname or Teacher Firstname or Master Lastname.

[Xahm]

We're in a city in the south where my husband and I both grew up. When we were kids "sir" and "ma'am" were generally only used in professional settings; no one expected kids to use them. Now many of my friends and people around are requiring it. We aren't, but my two year old daughter hears it enough that she has started saying "yes ma'am" to me and others from time to time. She likes that it makes me laugh a little and give her a kiss because it is so cute coming from her little lips. I use "sir" and "ma'am" with anyone in a professional or business setting and anyone above college-age that I don't know. So the 16 year old secretary gets ma'am-ed, but the college kid at church doesn't. Nothing to do with marital status. 

It's really interesting to me to read that people use "yes, miss" or "excuse me, miss" up north.  I thought that was just a British thing and have always felt it sounded weird.

[Jennay]

I only read a few replies -

 

Both DH and I are born and raised in the DC Metro area.

General policies for our kids -

* They do not refer to us as sir or ma'am

* if you are addressing a stranger (checker at a store, person in line in front of you, etc.) you say, "Excuse me, Sir/Ma'am" or "Thank you, Sir"

* If the person is a family friend/acquaintance you call them what they want to be called. Sometimes, it's just the first name, sometimes it's Mr. or Ms. (NOT Miss or Mrs.!) First Name. Most of their friend's parents, teachers, scout leaders, etc. are called Mr. & Mrs. Last Name although some that we have known since the kids were itty bitty (in one particular co-op) are Ms. First Name. I am Mrs. Last Name to all the children I interact with/teach except for the kids in the one particular co-op - there I

am Ms. Jen.

[marbel]

This discussion is so fascinating!   "Sir" and "ma'am" seem so common to me.  No doubt some of it is from reading.  But I just feel like wherever I've lived, people have used it.  Maybe it's because I have always lived in or near a large city area where there are people from a lot of different backgrounds and when they move, they bring their words with them.

 

Similar, in a way, to "y'all."  I don't consider that a Southern term, though I suppose it was at one time.  It is such a useful term.  I hear it everywhere.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Not required in my household.  If my kids said it, I would think they were sassing me.  I live in the midwest and I rarely hear it.  The only time I heard it growing up was in this one family where, despite their reputation for strictness and harsh punishments, their kids were the neighborhood hellions. 

[Firefly]

This discussion is so fascinating!   "Sir" and "ma'am" seem so common to me.  No doubt some of it is from reading.  But I just feel like wherever I've lived, people have used it.  Maybe it's because I have always lived in or near a large city area where there are people from a lot of different backgrounds and when they move, they bring their words with them.

 

Similar, in a way, to "y'all."  I don't consider that a Southern term, though I suppose it was at one time.  It is such a useful term.  I hear it everywhere.

 

 

I don't dispute this is your experience, but mine is different- y'all is not used here at all in New England, except by people visiting from the south.  :)

[Orthodox6]

We sought to require this traditional and courteous mode of address when our children were speaking to non-parent adults.  Not thought particularly needed for us (the parents). 

 

I continue to use this mode of address myself, with strangers (e.g. restaurant servers, store clerks, etc.). 

 

Only this past Saturday, when shopping for replacement jeans with one of our college sons, this came up.  DS returned some non-fitting jeans to the Target clerk overseeing the dressing rooms and, reflexively, said, "Thank you, ma'am" as he left.  The woman called our attention, and thanked us for being customers whom it was a pleasure to help.  Once we were away from the area, I shook my head, commenting to DS, "She must get some real lu-lus come by if we seemed such a relief!"

[Southern Ivy]

I grew up deep South, so "yes/no, ma'am/sir" was the appropriate response. I never really knew that it could be or was an issue until I had a Canadian professor telling us about accidentally saying "yes, ma'am" to her mom and getting slapped. It was a slip on her part from being down South several years; but to her mother it was very disrespectful and according to my professor, equivalent to calling her mother a hag. 

I voted 'no', though. I do think that tone and attitude plays more into respect than the actual phrasing. However, I HATE when people just say "yeah" to me. At least, take the time to say "yes". 

[SeaConquest]

This discussion is so fascinating! "Sir" and "ma'am" seem so common to me. No doubt some of it is from reading. But I just feel like wherever I've lived, people have used it. Maybe it's because I have always lived in or near a large city area where there are people from a lot of different backgrounds and when they move, they bring their words with them.

 

Similar, in a way, to "y'all." I don't consider that a Southern term, though I suppose it was at one time. It is such a useful term. I hear it everywhere.

People would immediately assume you were from the South if you said y'all here. Nobody says that in Southern California.

[Guest]

Did you know that pretty much the only people who use the term Yankee are from certain places in the south? 

 

And given that fact I think it has taken on a negative connotation.  Like "oh just a [stupid] Yankee".

 

I've never in my life heard the term used by anyone around here unless one is talking about being a fan of the baseball team.

 

It would be like me calling you a redneck.

 

Amen.  I am torn, because I moved to the South, and I had to adapt to the drastically different way that things were done. But if I did anything that wasn't considered the norm for them, or didn't understand their way of doing something, I was laughed at as the Yankee. It was said in a way that was supposed to make me feel stupid. While I made some good friends there, it was obvious that you were treated differently if you didn't grow up there. I raised my kids to show the respect that they asked for, but I wasn't given the same respect for trying to adapt, yet still holding on to some of the ways that I was raised. 

[regentrude]

Along these lines, I always wonder why women have titles that denote their marital status, but men don't.  I know we have "Ms", but I don't encounter that often.

 

Because historically it signifies that the woman belongs to her husband. Just look at the formal addressing of the woman not as Mrs her-own-first-name Smith, but as Mrs her-husband's-first-name Smith. In essence, it denotes a possessive. It dates back to times when women did not have the same rights as men:  the husband had control over property and finances, the married woman was not even entitled to control over her own wages.

 

Lots and lots of issues with that... it is high time this died out.

 

ETA: of course, the men did not need an extra title, since marriage did not limit a male's rights or alter his status in any way.

[mom2att]

We've never required it or modeled it--dh and I grew up in areas where it was not used and did not use it ourselves.  But because we now live in an area where it is quite common and have friends who do require it in their families, my kids have picked up on it and will occasionally use it. I have to admit that I like it when I ask my son to do something and he responds with "Yes ma'am," and then does it.

 

[Murphy101]

I have been called Ma'am since I put my engagement ring on at 16 and either Aunt First Name or Ma'am by the younger kids in the family. (My nephews or nieces.) since I was in kindergarten (age when I became an aunt). Older family has always called me Miss First Name and still does.

 

My kids still get mail addressed to Master Sons First and last name or Miss daughters first and last name. When they graduated from high school, my older sons started getting their mail addressed as Mr. First and last name.

 

I insist on ma'am/sir from my kids same as I insist on please/thank you. Imo, it's just good manners and polite, which is the nice way to speak in general. Dh and I have it so ingrained we cannot not say it. In fact, I often refer to dh as sir. As in he will ask me if I'm ready to come to the table to eat the meal he cooked and I'll say, "Yes, Sir! Sounds fabulous!" He often calls me ma'am too. We call the kids sir and miss sometimes too.

 

I don't appreciate attitude in any response, so that's not really a factor in it in our house.

 

And we of course use other terms too, not just sir and ma'am. But using sir and ma'am is not at all a sign of being stiff or impersonal either.

[rocassie]

Completely regional/cultural.  It is not common at all around here.  After reading a book to the kids, they spent a good two weeks saying "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am" to me.  It sounded strange and cute all at the same time.

[PeacefulChaos]

I voted yes, though I don't really have strong feelings about it.

I always responded with yes ma'am/sir growing up and I still say them now. It wasn't like I had to, it's just what I always did. I don't use it in casual conversation or anything, but on the phone with a company I'll answer ma'am/sir, as well as when I call people on behalf of my workplace or when I'm at work (ex: 'do you have a restroom?' 'Yes, ma'am, the women's restroom is just around that corner on the right.')

Though I say I don't feel strongly about it, in professional conversations I think it's the most polite way to speak.

 

Re:kids, they answer yes sir/ma'am when they are given instructions. 'After dinner, please do the dishes and clean your room' 'yes, ma'am' - that sort of thing.

 

Dh was born and raised in VA, I'm from the Midwest.

 

 

Eta: I've gone back and read some responses and I don't really get why people seem to feel so strongly about this...on both sides. Judgment also seems to abound on both sides.

It's weird.

[Tanaqui]

Because historically it signifies that the woman belongs to her husband. Just look at the formal addressing of the woman not as Mrs her-own-first-name Smith, but as Mrs her-husband's-first-name Smith. In essence, it denotes a possessive. It dates back to times when women did not have the same rights as men:  the husband had control over property and finances, the married woman was not even entitled to control over her own wages.

 

It's actually slightly more complicated than that, I believe, though I am not myself an expert. (Actually, I think I snagged this link from Metafilter. Regardless....)

 

http://www.newstatesman.com/cultural-capital/2014/09/mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms-untangling-shifting-history-women-s-titles

 

[shawthorne44]

I live in Texas.  I work closely with someone that uses "Yes, Ma'am".   I just can't get used to it.  DH says "Yes, Dear" when I am being bossy (once every blue moon)   So, I think I hear sarcasm in it.  I've had to learn to chill since he means it sincerely.  I would definitely hear sarcasm from my child, whether or not it was intended.  

[FriedClams]

I'll go out on a limb and assume that in areas where it is used regularly it is not necessarily a sign of any sort of respect. It's just part of the language.

Where I live it's respect, not language.

[Murphy101]

It's actually slightly more complicated than that, I believe, though I am not myself an expert. (Actually, I think I snagged this link from Metafilter. Regardless....)

 

http://www.newstatesman.com/cultural-capital/2014/09/mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms-untangling-shifting-history-women-s-titles

Ack. In 2012 a french mayor tried to ban use of mademoiselle? Geez.

[AimeeM]

Even though I travel up north with my husband, my accent is usually a dead giveaway and I've never been accused of being rude for addressing somebody as "sir" or "ma'am" (even though we do not want our children to use it, as it makes DH very uncomfortable, it's an old habit for me - raised in the mountains of NC).

The only time I've been accused of being rude was here in the south - one time. An older gentleman held the gas station door open for me, and I didn't even think when I said "thank you, sir" (holding doors open for ladies is just what is done, and thanking somebody for doing so is as well). He laid into me (and judging by his accent he was as southern as me)... accusing me of being rude, calling him (a black man, as he said) "sir"; something along the lines of "why is it that young white folks want to call blacks "sir" all the time". I was a million shades of confused. As politely as I could, I said something along the lines of not caring if he was pink polka dotted with purple stripes - if my Daddy ever heard me NOT address an older gentleman as "sir" he would have cuffed me upside my head. I assume all was forgiven because he laughed and now every time I see him he talks and jokes with me. Small city, lol.

I'm still confused about that one, though.

I'm curious about this:  so many of you say it's rude to say "sir" or "ma'am" where you live.  I believe you.  But how is that expressed?   Do people tell strangers who use sir and ma'am that it's rude?  

 

I've only lived in 4 places in the US, and am not extremely well-traveled.  I've never lived in the South, though I travel there a lot (in-laws live there).  But anyway, I have probably used those terms all my life, in various ways, and have never gotten the idea that it's rude.  No one has ever told me it's rude, and no one has ever reacted to me saying it in a way that would indicate they were offended. 

 

I guess I don't get being offended by such an innocuous term, even if it is not my preference.  I guess hearing "ma'am" rather than "miss" the first few times was jarring, and maybe hurt my pride a little bit, but, really, what difference does it make, especially if the person addressing me is a stranger?

 

Just baffled, not arguing with anyone.

 

ETA: I'm not talking about kids calling their own parents "sir" or "ma'am." 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Where I live it's respect, not language.

 

So again, what was the lewd caller meaning when he kept saying ma'am?

 

[BarbecueMom]

Not here, but I used to use it a lot when dispatching. As in, "Yes, sir, I can let you speak to an officer, but no, sir, he cannot help you retrieve your truck keys from your ex-girlfriend's bra." Translation of sir/ma'am: I have to be nice and fulfill your request, but I'm insinuating you are a moron.

[SKL]

I think it would be kind of nice to hear "yes ma'am" followed by the requested action.  Mostly when I ask my kids to do something, I hear silence, as if they are hoping I will think they are not actually there.  :P  Periodically I lose patience and tell them that they have to say something to acknowledge they heard me.  I don't care if it's "OK," "just a minute," or "why is it always me?"  Once I got, "OK, but just remember I'm not your personal slave."  That's pushing it a little, especially since the task was to pick up something *she* dropped.  :P

[chiguirre]

My husband is from the rural, deep South. It is an absolute when we visit family down there. Ds shifts right into it, accent and all. Up where we live in the North, many women seem taken aback and thought to be called old when Ma'am is used.

It's not an age thing, at least in Texas. I've noticed lately that T gets ma'amed in restaurants and supermarkets. She's 5'5" although she is still obviously a tween and apparently has crossed some cultural line from little kid to ma'am. When she was little she occasionally got called "mini ma'am" or "little ma'am". She loved that and it certainly earned the servers brownie points with her.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think it would be kind of nice to hear "yes ma'am" followed by the requested action.  Mostly when I ask my kids to do something, I hear silence, as if they are hoping I will think they are not actually there.  :p  Periodically I lose patience and tell them that they have to say something to acknowledge they heard me.  I don't care if it's "OK," "just a minute," or "why is it always me?"  Once I got, "OK, but just remember I'm not your personal slave."  That's pushing it a little, especially since the task was to pick up something *she* dropped.  :p

 

I'm thinking it would be kind of nice to hear "your royal highness".  LOL

[bibiche]

Ack. In 2012 a french mayor tried to ban use of mademoiselle? Geez.

This movement is meant to eliminate any residual sexual discrimination, so on official forms the two options would be either Monsieur or Madame. Kind of like introducing "Ms" in the US was meant to eliminate sexual discrimination. You can think of it as why should unmarried men be addressed as Mister (not the term "master" reserved for 8-12 years old and younger depending on source, but at any rate still very young boys) yet unmarried women continue to be addressed as Miss, the same as when they were young girls.

[SKL]

My sister told them to say "oh venerable mommy" if they wanted anything, but that didn't last long.  (It morphed to "old venerable mommy" before it died out though.)

[Tsuga]

 

***Note: funny about challenging.  Our new little adoptive kiddo is considered challenging.  She has diagnoses and is "level'd up" which means her needs are greater than most, etc.  *We* think she is EASY!   My friend says that is because we've had some "doozies."  LOL

 

My partner had foster children with his ex-wife.

 

After my kids he said fostering kids would probably be no problem for me, because I've never had an easy kid. We've seriously considered it... but I wouldn't be able to count on them being easier and I don't know how much more of this backtalk I can take!

[SparklyUnicorn]

I've heard that term used by Brits many times, to refer to Americans in general. 

 

Oh great.  Them too?

LOL

 

I really hate that term. 

[QueenCat]

 

 

Eta: I've gone back and read some responses and I don't really get why people seem to feel so strongly about this...on both sides. Judgment also seems to abound on both sides.

It's weird.

 

Because I've been told that my children weren't polite because they didn't ma'am and sir adults. Those stating that just didn't "get" that it is truly cultural/regional, and not an accepted norm everywhere in the United States. I'm more irritated by people saying it's rude not to say it, or it's the polite thing to do, when the fact is that is NOT TRUE everywhere in the U.S.

[Cottonwood]

Where I"m from (deep South) it is considered insulting NOT to address those older than you this way (as well as others in positions of authority over you).  The thought that it could be insulting to someone to call them Sir or Ma'am is very foreign to us, indeed.  And, being insolent no matter the words is not ok either.  Respect for adults is taught and not distinguished by words, but more-so by attitude/behavior.

 

DH is in the military and as we've moved around, we have experienced many varying viewpoints on this.  We told our children to address adults that way unless asked not to.  However, in EVERY new place we live, we have been complimented by older folks saying that it's refreshing to see that the art of politeness hasn't been totally lost.  So, I get the impression that it used to be more a part of U.S. culture in general, in the past and less regional.  

 

We are getting ready to move back to the South, so the kids are being reminded what is considered to be polite and mannerly back 'home'.  

 

Yeah, uh-huh, nope, etc., ... That's not to be said either when acknowledging adults.  THAT makes me cringe and my kids know better.  But, because we do carry influences from the other places we've lived, I do accept "Yes, Mom" or something equally polite.  But, they sure better address grandparents and other 'elders' by ma'am and sir, especially back home, because if not, you are immediately seen as rude, or disrespectful.  Even though we aren't back home yet, when on the phone w/ my mom, if I hear my dd say YEAH... or uh-huh, I whisper, "yes MA'AM!" and she corrects herself.  It's always gonna be that way :)

[Cottonwood]

Where I live it's respect, not language.

This for us, too.  Absolutely a measurement of respect, or lack thereof, if not used.  

 

ETA: the idea of calling me "Miss" seems insulting to ME, but I can't pinpoint why.  I've worked in many elementary schools as an aide and in the South, the kids are taught to address all adults as Mrs.________.  Once we started moving around, specifically in California and Montana, I was introduced as Miss Melissa.  I was like............um......  well,... and in my head I immediately labeled that as disrespectful. lol But hey....when in Rome........I guess.

[QueenCat]

I actually asked my grandmom about the matter, when my boys were little, because I had transplanted to the south and was having difficulty remembering that people expected my children to say these words. I wasn't comfortable having them address me as ma'am, and still am not, but did work with them a little so they would know that some expected it.  I was curious because I didn't grow up saying it,unless I was mad at my mom or something. She told me that it wasn't done when she was growing up either, and from what she understood, it was a "southern" thing. So mid-Atlantic region, close to one hundred years ago, it was not done. Like it was for me, she said that sir or ma'am was only polite for the very old, otherwise it was considered sassy. I only knew ONE person growing up who used sir or ma'am, but after living up "north" for a bit, they got rid of the habit as teachers really didn't appreciate it.

 

 

candmforever: "However, in EVERY new place we live, we have been complimented by older folks saying that it's refreshing to see that the art of politeness hasn't been totally lost.  So, I get the impression that it used to be more a part of U.S. culture in general, in the past and less regional. "

 

 

[QueenCat]

duplicate post

[Laura Corin]

Oh great.  Them too?

LOL

 

I really hate that term. 

 

In Britain it's usually 'Yank' rather than 'Yankee' and refers to all Americans.  I'd describe it as mildly derogatory.  Husband is expected to smile and take the joke.....

 

L

[SparklyUnicorn]

In Britain it's usually 'Yank' rather than 'Yankee' and refers to all Americans.  I'd describe it as mildly derogatory.  Husband is expected to smile and take the joke.....

 

L

 

Ok well at least it's globally insulting and not just one area of the country.  LMAO

 

I don't care for it.  I really don't even know what it means.  It's not something I identify with.  KWIM?

 

I've been referred to as an Ami in Germany.  I'll take that over Yankee.

[HRAAB]

I don't believe I have ever been called ma'am.  I asked dh, and he doesn't ever remember being called sir.  If one of my kids called me ma'am, I would guess they were being rather sarcastic.  Honestly, the only times I've heard the term ma'am was when someone was being sarcastic and not polite.  I can't say the same for sir, which I find interesting.  I don't remember hearing it, sarcastic or otherwise.  I really never hear those terms where I live.  Oh, and nobody says y'all except my bil from Texas.  My girls rebelled and refuse to use the term y'all as suggested in Getting Started With Spanish.  It is possible to be polite and respectful without using ma'am or sir.

[IsabelC]

I'm surprised so many people feel that Sir or Ma'am are insulting per se. It's usually evident from the tone of voice and the non verbals if somebody is purposely being rude or sarcastic. I might prefer some terms over others, but I would not be offended at any form of address that is clearly intended politely and is the norm for the speaker, whether that's an American calling me Ma'am or a tradie calling me Love.

[Farrar]

I grew up saying it. I don't require it of my kids at all, but we no longer live in the deep south.

 

I was bothered a great deal by the people I encountered when I went to college in New England who found saying "ma'am" offensive. I am also bothered by people who think that anyone who doesn't say it is rude. It's cultural differences. Stop taking offense at everything and just be nice.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I grew up saying it. I don't require it of my kids at all, but we no longer live in the deep south.

 

I was bothered a great deal by the people I encountered when I went to college in New England who found saying "ma'am" offensive. I am also bothered by people who think that anyone who doesn't say it is rude. It's cultural differences. Stop taking offense at everything and just be nice.

 

Yeah I'm a New Englander.  LOL  We are a chilly bunch.

 

I would not consider it rude if done by someone that is used to doing it.  But when someone calls you that in New England and knows better they ARE trying to be rude.   I know that sounds crazy, but yes it is true.

 

Well in fact it happened to my husband.  He's often pretty serious at work and he is in charge of telling people when they have made mistakes.  So as you can imagine he isn't always loved.  A coworker said something like "yes sir!"  No doubt in my mind that was intended as an insult.

[Farrar]

Yeah I'm a New Englander.  LOL  We are a chilly bunch.

 

I would not consider it rude if done by someone that is used to doing it.  But when someone calls you that in New England and knows better they ARE trying to be rude.   I know that sounds crazy, but yes it is true.

 

Well in fact it happened to my husband.  He's often pretty serious at work and he is in charge of telling people when they have made mistakes.  So as you can imagine he isn't always loved.  A coworker said something like "yes sir!"  No doubt in my mind that was intended as an insult.

 

But it's such an ingrained habit if you grow up being taught to always do that. I think being judgmental about it and taking offense is like taking offense when someone says grace before they eat or taking offense at someone kissing your on the cheek in greeting if they're from France or greeting you with a wai if they're from Thailand or something. It's just habitual. I did, after three years in New England, learn not to say it, but it was much, much ruder of the people who were nasty to me about it when I just said it knee-jerk to be polite.

 

And it's just as horribly rude when people in the south are nasty to young people from the north who *don't* say it.

[Laura Corin]

 It's just habitual. I did, after three years in New England, learn not to say it, but it was much, much ruder of the people who were nasty to me about it when I just said it knee-jerk to be polite.

 

And it's just as horribly rude when people in the south are nasty to young people from the north who *don't* say it.

 

I agree with you that we should all try to think the best of others.  But one's initial response is likely to be emotional and based on experience; if one has enough knowledge, one may secondarily be able to appreciate the different culture involved.

 

In the example I gave, a Brit would think that saying 'sir' was sarcastic, because a Brit saying it would usually be so.  It's only because Husband has an American accent that the connection might be made, if the Brit knew (from movies, or wherever) that some Americans use the word as a politesse.  So if one is aware that the person speaking is 'other' (from a different country, a different culture) then there might be understanding.  Otherwise, the emotional response will prevail.

 

When I lived in China, and people would smile or laugh when I was explaining a difficult or distressing situation, I found it initially hard to deal with.  As I slowly came to realise that this was a culturally different way to respond to these situations, I was able to make allowances.

 

L

[SparklyUnicorn]

But it's such an ingrained habit if you grow up being taught to always do that. I think being judgmental about it and taking offense is like taking offense when someone says grace before they eat or taking offense at someone kissing your on the cheek in greeting if they're from France or greeting you with a wai if they're from Thailand or something. It's just habitual. I did, after three years in New England, learn not to say it, but it was much, much ruder of the people who were nasty to me about it when I just said it knee-jerk to be polite.

 

And it's just as horribly rude when people in the south are nasty to young people from the north who *don't* say it.

 

I can imagine.  It's hard to keep up with all the possible ways to offend someone.  I once had a customer who insisted we call her Madam.  LOL  I mean she would get furious if we did not call her Madam.  Of all things!

[SparklyUnicorn]

For awhile my husband had a tough time with the fact when people ask "how are you" that they don't really want to know how you are.  They don't want details.  It's just like saying "hi".  Drives him bonkers. 

 

And I fully admit people in CT could seem chilly.  I remember when I moved to NY and people would say hello to me when I was walking somewhere and I'd turn my head in various directions wondering who they were talking to.  I won't say people in CT never say hello, but many times they don't.  Here more people seem to say it. 

[MyThreeSons]

That's the standard way most children around here (South Carolina) are taught to reply to an adult, so my children mostly said that. They heard other parents correct their children if they didn't say it, so they picked up on it. We didn't require it, but we didn't discourage it, either. My middle son now lives in northwestern Iowa, and he still says it out of habit, and has faced some hostility over it. Evidently some think he's mocking them when he says it. 

[PeacefulChaos]

Because I've been told that my children weren't polite because they didn't ma'am and sir adults. Those stating that just didn't "get" that it is truly cultural/regional, and not an accepted norm everywhere in the United States. I'm more irritated by people saying it's rude not to say it, or it's the polite thing to do, when the fact is that is NOT TRUE everywhere in the U.S.

 

That's their problem and it's weird.  That's what I'm saying - I don't know why it matters so much on either side.  I don't think it's horrible or rude if people do say it, or if they don't.  They just do or don't.  It's not something that I think needs to be complicated.

[freeindeed]

I voted yes. I was born in Mississippi and have spent all of my life in the south. We currently live in Alabama. I imagine my vote would be different if I lived elsewhere. I have a good friend who is not originally from the south and she does not require it, and I am fine with that.