Dealing with Stress

[Jean in Newcastle]

I already know that Ma Ingalls didn't have a stress free life and wasn't the warm cozy mother portrayed in the books.  I just looked up Tasha Tudor and found out that she divorced 3 husbands and disinherited three of her children so I guess she didn't have an ideal stress free life either!  (Though I love her books.)

 

Which brings me to . . .   how do you handle stress?  I have chronic illness that is exacerbated by stress.  My ds is an Aspie and meltsdown with stress.  I know that stress can cause illness, dementia, etc.  I'm stressed out thinking about it!  

[Guest]

Not very well.

 

I tend to be the type who sees stress as nature's way of telling you something's wrong and try to fix whatever it is that's stressing me out, but I'm seeing too many things I can't possibly fix these days and paying more attention to xdh's opposing viewpoint.

 

He is very enthusiastic about what unplugging from the news has done for his blood pressure and anxiety.

 

I'm going to try harder to spend more time and energy enjoying my cute little kitty and my pretty African Violets and less time getting upset about things I can't change and idiots who say something WRONG on the internet.

 

Anybody else? Any hints on how Jean and i can actually go about DOING this instead of just trying?

[happi duck]

We too are a household full of stress...dd and I especially suffer because of it...bleh.

[fairfarmhand]

ugh me too!

 

And most of it, there's not a thing I can do about it.

 

My intense dd will never be an easy kid. She's quite a pot stirrer.

[SKL]

The best way I handle stress is to tackle a job, little by little, so I can mark it off my to-do list and have fewer things hanging over my head.

 

However.  I don't always do things the best way.  I tend to sneak a (non-essential) nap or do a puzzle or play around on the internet when stress mounts.  Very bad.

 

I try to remind myself that I'm doing as much as most people if not more, and of the things I do right, and that the worst that can happen is still something I can live with.

 

Eventually I force myself back to my computer and get some work done and manage to stay in the game a little longer.

 

I need to take better care of my health, too.  I used to be really good about it, but I have gotten way too lazy, and at my age, that is a problem.  My solution is to tell myself to get caught up on my work so I can spend time exercising every day.  Maybe someday it will actually happen.  :)

[SKL]

It also helps to have a community where you can share things and realize you are in really good company.

[hornblower]

I've been getting more serious about resuming & maintaining a daily meditation practice.

I read Dan Harris's book over the summer (after a glowing recommendation from Sam Harris)  10% Happier

excerpt here: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/book-excerpt-abcs-dan-harris-10-happier-tamed/story?id=22850949&singlePage=true


 

[jrn]

Lately, the only way I deal with stress is to yell at my dh. Poor guy.

[Ali in OR]

My dh has a health condition that is exacerbated by stress. I would classify anxiety as something different from stress--I can get both, but anxiety is the harder one for me to deal with because it tends to be irrational. Stress to me is the everyday kind of stuff--having too much to do and too little time for instance. So, things to help stress levels here:

 

-no t.v. We just don't usually watch it.

-sleep! This was a biggie for dh--he would go to bed way too late for when he had to get up in the morning. He's doing better with that. I don't get as much as I need to at night, so I will lie down for a little cat nap now and then with no guilt.

-regular exercise

-eat well--limit sugars, chemicals, junk. Eat more fruits and veggies.

-have some down time each day. Even if the house is a mess, sometimes I need some time when I'm not taking care of everyone and everything else around here.

-That said, a clean house really reduces dh's stress, and I prefer it too even if I can't always achieve it.

-seize the day. Take advantage of good days to get big projects done. Then when you have to have a down day, you don't feel quite so bad about it.

[bettyandbob]

When I'm good: regular, heavy exercise. Elevated heart rate and a lot of sweat.

 

When I've let exercise slide: ice cream, snapping at dc. OK without exercise I don't handle stress

[Tess in the Burbs]

I can't imagine any generation hasn't lived with stress.  Do we have more now in our society?  I don't know.  But I am with you...stress makes me more sick.  hence me taking 6 weeks to get over a sinus infection.  For me, being organized, saying NO when I need to, and making sure we are all on the same page helps with the stress in the home.  Dh knows when I am super stressed and he steps up for chores/meals/driving kids.  Figure out what stresses you and change it.  ((HUGS))

[Cindy in FL.]

I don't handle stress well at all. It tends to make me hurt alll over for some reason. Some things that help: yoga stretches, acupuncture, letting go of things that I can't do anything about, laughter(!), massages (I barter with a friend to get these), exercise, enough sleep, eating right.

[JustEm]

I have many strategies for dealing with stress.  Exercise is my go to because hitting punching bags brings me peace!    It also relieves stress because during that hour workout no one else is allowed to talk to me.  I have made it very clear to the other women in the class that I don't chat during class.  I like being focused on the workout and any issues I'm dealing with at home so I can just have an hour to resolve them in my head.

 

Another thing I enjoy doing to relieve stress is writing.  It can either be writing out my problems and possible solutions or just writing a story.  The type of focus involved in writing helps me reorganize my thoughts and put me back into a mode where I can function properly.

 

Tackling small tasks at a time helps me relieve stress.  For example,  my house is pure chaos right now.  The plumbing is half hooked up, our entire kitchen ceiling is nonexistent, we have construction debris everywhere, and have to somehow get it all back together before Feb when this baby comes.  Thinking about it all is so overwhelming and stressful.  So I stopped thinking about the entire project and broke it down into mini projects.  Project 1, de-clutter before major renovations continue.  Project 2, prep bathroom walls for painting and pull up linoleum floors.  Project 3, take out all sinks and toilets that are being replaced and lay down concrete backer board. Project 4, pick paint colors and purchase... etc.    This makes it much less stressful because I've planned it out in a way that one thing can't get started until the first thing is done. So I know exactly what needs to get done next and I just work on it slowly until its done.

 

The most important thing that keeps stress away is making sure my communication skills with dh and the kids are healthy and effective.  Yelling only stresses everyone out more.  Getting annoyed at miscommunications get nothing accomplished so I don't focus on them.  I simply fix the communication issue that result in the miscommunication.  When we are all communicating effectively with one another things run smoothly and those normal stressors aren't as big of an issue.

[happi duck]

Lately, the only way I deal with stress is to yell at my dh. Poor guy.

Oh, gosh...me too.

[Kathryn]

Not well. Another yeller here.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Does anyone know of any gluten free "oreos" so that I can stress eat?!  

[MicheleinMN]

I eat.  Probably why I am now a good 70 lbs overweight.  If I can get myself motivated to exercise instead of eat, I feel better and lose weight.  If not, I just keep eating.  I really need a better coping plan.

[Mrs Mungo]

I have to keep a fairly calm household. I have to exercise. I read. I go to the beach. I take pleasure in small things-bath products, good food (or bad food). I breathe. I schedule in things that are fun or relaxing.

[Rosie_0801]

Keeping Stoic philosophy in mind helps a lot. Imagining stress and emotional pain being something I can metabolise helps. Keeping hazelnut chocolate around helps because if my stress levels are too high, that's all I can eat. It's better to eat that than nothing.

 

I look back nostalgically to the times when stress was due to something I could solve...

[Critterfixer]

A good hard run. But regular runs are probably the best for me.

I'm not a big stress eater, especially since going GF, because it's just hard to stress eat, say, bananas for example. But I tend to consume too much caffeine and that is not productive, so I'm trying to do better with that by going with decaf. 

 

I'd rather try to prevent getting stressed when I can. That isn't always possible, but I try to make sure I've put enough time aside to do things. Like housework and school. And time to write. And time to do a little cooking. Time to tend my bees (which actually calms me!). Then write some more. Lots and lots of writing.

Most of my stress tends to come from overextending myself, though. I don't have a lot of outside stress, and I don't have a chronic illness. 

 

Lately one thing that all the family looks forward to are what we call our "restful" evenings. It's gotten to the point where I can say "Let's get x done so we can have a restful evening" and boy do the kids hop to it! For a solid hour or two or three I vanish to my desk to write, they write, read, listen to audio books or play, and sometimes we have some decaf tea or cocoa, and it's nothing but just relaxing and doing what we like. No picking up, no dishes, no laundry--all that's been done. Sometimes I'll turn on music. Or we'll read. But mostly I write, and they come and read me pieces of what they are writing and we just have such a nice, peaceful time. Good times.

[LMD]

I can handle major stress well ( hospitalisation, for example ) but not hassles - running late, missing a bus, losing something. .

this is my dh. Lose his job? It's ok. Lose his keys? Hell breaks loose... It can be very annoying!

 

Stress relief for me is usually some form of sugar. Hence Why I'm too fat. I don't recommend it. I actually tend to zone out if I'm over stressed. I go quiet, i go slower. Venting to a friend helps too. :)

[Rosie_0801]

Playing 'Ode to Joy' on the piano helps in the short term. I had to go do that several times during an online conversation with the ex this weekend.

 

I hope that doesn't stop working before I learn another suitable stress relieving song. "Do you know the muffin man" doesn't do the trick.  :laugh:

[mommymonster]

In our house, I'm really good at managing everyone else's stress... DS9 has testing, I feed him protein, send him out for a run, and give him positive self-talk. DS5 has stressful medical testing, I feed him carbs, cuddle him, and give him positive visualization. DH is stressed, make a really good meal and send him out to golf. 

 

Now if I'm stressed... I make a list, freak out, look at the list, do the easiest thing, eat, eat, eat, keep working the list. I need to work on my stress response, really. Eating vegan, exercising, and cleaning the house first thing in the morning would really help... And yet I'm struggling to implement. 

[Guest]

 

 

I hope that doesn't stop working before I learn another suitable stress relieving song. "Do you know the muffin man" doesn't do the trick.  :laugh:

 

During my divorce, mine were "Would you like to swing on a star" and "Six little ducks"; my kids knew not to mess with me when I was singing about how I wanted to be a fish or about the one little duck with the feather on his back (he led the others with a quack quack quack) at the top of my lungs if they valued their lives.

[Critterfixer]

Rosie, for a while one of my sons was having nightmares. I took to sending him to bed in the evenings while I played Debussy on the piano for him. Helped me relax, too. Music is a great stress reliever, both listening to it and playing it. Thanks for the reminder.

[Elisabet1]

Making lists.

 

When things get to me, writing it down helps. Sometimes, my head is spinning because I need to do this that and the other. And I need to work toward this and that...and I need to rid of this or that..and I want to do five things.

 

So, making lists puts those on paper so I can stop thinking about it. I might never get it done. But at least it is not swirling in my head anymore, for the most part.

[Desert Strawberry]

Does anyone know of any gluten free "oreos" so that I can stress eat?!  

Here ya go, honey. Don't eat all 6 packages at once. http://www.amazon.com/KinniToos-Chocolate-Sandwich-8-Ounce-Packages/dp/B000LKZ5XQ

 

As above, avoiding things that get me riled up, regular moderate exercise (usually just a walk and a bit of yoga), meditation if I'm up for it (if I'm over the edge, meditating is just frustrating. I have to come down a bit first before I can open up), eating well and regularly, enough sleep, getting out of the house, preferably by myself for a short time (even just walking the dog or running an errand), talking with a friend, hugs all help. Basically just taking care of myself. 

 

A couple that are more that are more me-specific, but maybe apply to you, too.

 

A small treat. I RARELY indulge myself. If I'm doing something nice, it's for my family, and I'm along. A couple of times a year, I do something JUST for me. Buy myself some pretty yarn, or a crafty thing, or a nice chocolate, or take myself to a salon or something like that. I'm not the type to spend money, especially on nonessentials. Doing this is rare, and perks me right up. I am often so neglected, it's embarrassing. 

 

Nice candles, soft music, doing something pleasant to the house. This is where I spend so much of my time. It should be a haven. But just as I am no-nonsense about myself, I am the same way about my house. It's good to stop a moment and feather the nest a bit. Clean and tidy isn't enough. It should be pleasing and relaxing as well. 

 

Make a plan. Everything is so overwhelming when you don't have a plan. It just spins and spins and spins around in your head. Writing it down, breaking it up into bite-sized pieces, putting it on actual paper with an actual pen, makes it so much less scary and big. When you write down anything, no matter how large, it's no bigger than the lines in a notebook. Then you can close the notebook, and it's all in there. Confined, contained, manageable. 

Of course, writing it down isn't enough. A plan to deal with it is necessary. Often the plan is something along the lines of "This isn't happening yet. I will revisit this when/if it does happen, or these other things happen, or at this date." No use borrowing trouble. 

Having a contingency plan is good, though, if you feel you need one. I always have a plan in place for one additional child, which takes the terror out of OMG what if I'm pregnant!!!! I know where I'll put the extra car seat, where I'll put another bed, where the extra clothes will come from, and so on. Even though it's months or years off at any given time that I'm not actually pregnant ( even now, I have a general plan for a highchair we'll need in 8 months, kindergarten in 5 years, bunk beds in 2 years, etc), it's good to know that a joyous surprise will actually be joyous and will not break us. This obviously isn't a concern for everyone, but at this point in my life, it's my biggest concern, and I've had two surprises when I was extremely grateful I'd made a rough plan. 

 

If the stressor is clear and present, then you need a plan you can start enacting today. For finances, a budget-two budgets, long and short term- are essential. Don't let it loom over you. Face up to it and start working your plan. Now. Even if the plan comes out to "Don't spend anything" or "don't change anything", knowing that you HAVE a plan put you in charge of your money and not the other way around. This is true not only of money, but of any other stressor that is currently happening. Budget your energy for your good days, your bad days and have an emergency plan in case things go crazy (hospitalization or debilitating injury). 

 

Last, be realistic. Get rid of all the shoulds. Just ditch the whole concept. You have to do what you can as you, not what you imagine someone else could do in your place. whatever you can do, it has to be good enough, because that is what you have. You might be surprised at how well you can handle things when you are being truthful about your strengths and weaknesses and not pretending they are different than they are. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ausmumof3]

When I'm doing well I eat three healthy meals a day, go to bed early and exercise. When I'm handling stress badly I drink endless coffee, eat chocolate and yell. Sigh.

 

I think life has always had stress in it but I think the ability to stay up late dealing with stuff or wasting time on electronics is a very negative thing in terms of stress management. I don't know if you remember the study about people previously sleeping in two shifts but I think there is actually benefit to having enough rest time that some of it can be spent thinking and processing.

[Storygirl]

 

 

Last, be realistic. Get rid of all the shoulds. Just ditch the whole concept. You have to do what you can as you, not what you imagine someone else could do in your place. whatever you can do, it has to be good enough, because that is what you have. You might be surprised at how well you can handle things when you are being truthful about your strengths and weaknesses and not pretending they are different than they are. 

 

 

 

 

 

I love this. Thank you. I have been under a great deal of stress (for multiple reasons) for an extended period of time, so I'm listening in.

 

I often get overwhelmed by the shoulds in my life.

[TammyinTN]

For me, I had to let go of the voices playing in my head...perfect house, perfect kids and everything always being perfect.   After my mini-mid-life crisis a couple of weeks ago I've just decided to handle what I can, do the best job I can and just let everything else go.   I've started walking again and it's wonderful and for 45 to 90 minutes I can just let my mind wander and listen to beautiful music.  A hot bath, a glass of wine and very good dark chocolate each night.   

 

Sending you calming stressfree vibes!  :grouphug:

[gardenmom5]

a regular yoga has done wonders for my stress.

 

I also take large doses of b-complex (I also have a genetic defect that afftects how my body uses them, so it really does make a difference.)

and d3.

 

 

[texasmama]

I overeat, take a hot bath or purposely clear our schedule for a couple of days.  Even if those days are a week in the future, I can hang in there until I get there. 

 

I don't advocate overeating, BTW.  Gives you junk in the trunk, which causes other problems!  The hot bath is pretty good, though.

 

I also find doing Sudoku relaxing, though I'm not super great at it.  I am slow, but that is kind of the point, to slow down.

 

Something about sitting in the hospital bed with my ds last week pushed my reset button.  I feel much calmer and more centered.  I don't recommend that, either, but the point is to shut out the world and do nothing but vegetate.

[LisaKinVA]

It depends upon the kind of stress.  I hide it well -- but it does come out.  People who see me every day can tell, though. Financial stress makes me want to cocoon myself (head under covers, do nothing, go nowhere), but that also makes me short with the kids (yell, get upset over little things).  Frustration w/people other situations I handle best through vigorous activity (cleaning or kick-boxing). Eating is something else that I have turned to in difficult times -- but financial stress and eating leads to guilt.  Right now, I'm really frustrated because I thought we were seeing light at the end of a dark tunnel -- and as soon as we turned the corner, we discovered another tunnel. I honestly am at a loss over what to do.  Prayer helps -- but I can't live the next two months like I don't know the 3rd month is coming, so the next two months will be impacted as we prepare for month 3...and 4...and maybe 5.  All of our plans just went *POOF*

[Cindy in FL.]

Lisa, I sure hope and pray that everything works out well and that you can limit your stress.

[elegantlion]

I have a heavy bag, so echoing the hitting of punching bags. 

 

My real love is to hide under the covers and nap with my dog by my side. 

 

or write, any writing (okay, maybe not academic writing as I need to do that too) will calm me. 

[Spryte]

Does anyone know of any gluten free "oreos" so that I can stress eat?!  

 

Yes.   :)  But are you *sure* you want to know what they're called??  They are dangerous!!!!  

 

 

 

 

ETA:  The ones we like are by Kinnikinnick, and they are called K-Toos or Kinni-Toos.  They make chocolate and vanilla.  I am ashamed to say that we order them from Amazon by the case.  Subscribe and Save, so we get 20% off.  They are supposed to last all month, but... we run out pretty quickly.  

[Spryte]

My dh has a health condition that is exacerbated by stress. I would classify anxiety as something different from stress--I can get both, but anxiety is the harder one for me to deal with because it tends to be irrational. Stress to me is the everyday kind of stuff--having too much to do and too little time for instance. So, things to help stress levels here:

 

-no t.v. We just don't usually watch it.

-sleep! This was a biggie for dh--he would go to bed way too late for when he had to get up in the morning. He's doing better with that. I don't get as much as I need to at night, so I will lie down for a little cat nap now and then with no guilt.

-regular exercise

-eat well--limit sugars, chemicals, junk. Eat more fruits and veggies.

-have some down time each day. Even if the house is a mess, sometimes I need some time when I'm not taking care of everyone and everything else around here.

-That said, a clean house really reduces dh's stress, and I prefer it too even if I can't always achieve it.

-seize the day. Take advantage of good days to get big projects done. Then when you have to have a down day, you don't feel quite so bad about it.

 

I really like this post.  :)

 

Not that it's easy to do all of the above, in the midst of anxiety or stress, but it's a good goal.  

[Serenade]

The best thing for me if I'm stressed is to take a nap or go to bed if it's night.  I almost always wake up feeling better and more in control.  Something about the sleep changes the constant repeat of stressful thoughts.

 

I have a chronic condition, too (RA), and I know I am more quick to snap when I am in pain.  Even if I can't take a nap, I try to lay down and put my fee up for 15 - 20 minutes.   I once read, maybe in Arthritis Today, that if you're going to rest, go on ahead and put your feet up -- don't just sit in a chair.  Apparently there is more benefit from completely laying down, and I believe it.

[Annie G]

You have to find what works for you- and when you find that 'thing' it makes all the difference.  My ideal is to ride my bike on a local trail- solitary, away from everything, and I can think and relax and work through stuff.  I listen to music in one ear while riding and that helps.  When I can't ride, I listen to music and/or sew. 

 

Dh does NOT find any stress relief using my techniques!   He likes to go for rides in his beloved sports car or just be out in the garage working on it. 

 

I find that if I get regular rides/quilt sessions that I handle those pesky everyday stresses much more easily.   Dh's job is super stressful and as long as I am available at the end of the day so he can vent to me, he's able to manage his stress - venting and driving.  

 

We really had to work hard on this- dh was not handling his job stress well and now has 8 stents in his heart because of it. Well worth the effort to learn what works for you. 

[myfunnybunch]

Exercise.

Sleep.

Diet. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies. I'm not much of a food watcher, but if I make sure to eat more fresh food, I feel better.

 

I find that as an introvert, I tend to isolate myself when I get stressed. Remembering that I do need SOME social interaction is important. Coffee with friends who are stress-free is helpful. When my dd was struggling the most, which was creating a tremendous amount of stress in my life, my weekly walk with my long-time girlfriends was a lifesaver. I'd look forward to it all week.

 

Cat