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Talk to your child about drugs. Update in post 1.

regentrude

By regentrude,
in The Chat Board

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Joanne

Joanne

Posted
Posted

I understand what you are saying. I came from a "just say no" family regarding drugs, sex, and everything in between. I sadly didn't listen to my parents at that time and I remember feeling like once I crossed that line, well, it was  already crossed so no need to stop now! So I get that "just say no" doesn't work. Unfortunately, I can't figure out what would have worked with me. (for what it's worth, I was a "good" kid - honors classes, hung out with other "good" kids, respected and loved my parents, etc. Not really sure why I felt the need to do some of what I did at that age).

 

Hardwired to experience, and there is an excellent post above about the teenage brain and this issue.

Most people, though, are just like you. Experiment a bit and then mature into healthy, sane lives.

 

I think a damage control issue is the best best with teens, from a practical and developmental standpoint. I would not encourage ANY use, but I would be very clear about the potential for pentameter harm with inhalers, synthetic marijuana, mixing of benzos/alcohol. Not in a "Reefer Madness" way, but in a real way.

 

I have told my own kids that the should not try, use, experience ever because the chances of their bodies NOT being diseased are zero. My mom told me the same thing, with slightly less science. I didn't listen. My oldest didn't listen.

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creekland

creekland

Posted
Posted

 

I understand what Joanne is saying about the "just say no" approach not working. For me, I think part of the problem is that the "just say no" approach has a shaming aspect to it that can mean that teens ones they have tried it feel like what is the point of saying no now, I am already "dirty" (can't think of a better word here but dirty isn't exactly what I mean either).

 

Our "Just Say No" approach came with all the information MBM wrote about in her post.  There are occasionally shows on science type cable channels that show things in quite a bit of detail.  We watched those together along with several on how the brain works.  I also pointed out real examples of students from school who really have messed up their lives with drugs.  I saw one recently in the obituaries.  She'd graduated a few years before, but apparently didn't grow up.

 

We talk about the pros and cons of things - even medical marijuana (which I support when used appropriately).  There are some pros to alcohol, so it affects our view - though I've never seen any pro to drinking to excess, and there are tons of cons with that.

 

We talk about pros and cons of prescription drugs and over the counter drugs.

 

Humans through the centuries have had to make these decisions.  The names might change and there might be new varieties, but it's all the same really.  My guys know that what they are dealing with is "nothing new under the sun" and they know they get to make their own decisions about it all - but at least I feel they have base information from which to make their decision.

 

"Just" telling them no wouldn't give them info to use to refute their friends saying it's all fun and good.

 

My kids also know that NONE of their decisions will affect how we feel about them.  We go point blank into the dark or gray areas with this so there's no chance for misunderstanding.  They are allowed to make mistakes with their lives and will still know we love them and our door is open.  They are allowed to make choices and will still know we love them and our door is open.  They are allowed to be themselves and will still know we love them and our door is open.

 

I think that covers every possibility.

 

We did ask them not to become pimps, illegal drug dealers, or terrorists - beyond that - the world is their planet.  ;)

 

Regentrude, I really feel for your friends. :grouphug:  I wish there were a way to make it all better for them.  Since there isn't, using this time and space to promote education is the best that can be done.

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TeacherZee

TeacherZee

Posted
Posted

Our "Just Say No" approach came with all the information MBM wrote about in her post.  There are occasionally shows on science type cable channels that show things in quite a bit of detail.  We watched those together along with several on how the brain works.  I also pointed out real examples of students from school who really have messed up their lives with drugs.  I saw one recently in the obituaries.  She'd graduated a few years before, but apparently didn't grow up.

 

We talk about the pros and cons of things - even medical marijuana (which I support when used appropriately).  There are some pros to alcohol, so it affects our view - though I've never seen any pro to drinking to excess, and there are tons of cons with that.

 

We talk about pros and cons of prescription drugs and over the counter drugs.

 

Humans through the centuries have had to make these decisions.  The names might change and there might be new varieties, but it's all the same really.  My guys know that what they are dealing with is "nothing new under the sun" and they know they get to make their own decisions about it all - but at least I feel they have base information from which to make their decision.

 

"Just" telling them no wouldn't give them info to use to refute their friends saying it's all fun and good.

 

My kids also know that NONE of their decisions will affect how we feel about them.  We go point blank into the dark or gray areas with this so there's no chance for misunderstanding.  They are allowed to make mistakes with their lives and will still know we love them and our door is open.  They are allowed to make choices and will still know we love them and our door is open.  They are allowed to be themselves and will still know we love them and our door is open.

 

I think that covers every possibility.

 

We did ask them not to become pimps, illegal drug dealers, or terrorists - beyond that - the world is their planet.  ;)

 

Regentrude, I really feel for your friends. :grouphug:  I wish there were a way to make it all better for them.  Since there isn't, using this time and space to promote education is the best that can be done.

This is very much the approach my parents took with me and my sibs and all three of us are almost teetotal (for various reasons). But not every family takes this approach is what I was thinking :)

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Pam in CT

Pam in CT

Posted
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I am so sorry.

 

Thank you, regentrude, for sharing this painful story, shedding light on a terribly difficult subject, and especially for encouraging us to talk about.

 

Because it's really hard to talk about.  I know I'd much rather crawl under a rock.

 

 

 

Peace to you and your friends.   :grouphug: I cannot bear even to try to imagine losing a child.

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Chris in VA

Chris in VA

Posted
Posted

I am so sorry. I am incredibly grateful that your friends' experience was not mine. It could have been, at many points over the last 10 years.

You speak the truth that there are no guarantees. We do our best to give the best life we can to our child, but there is ultimately no control over free will. It is the hardest truth I have ever faced. I'm terribly sorry of your dear ones' outcome.

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Rebel Yell

Rebel Yell

Posted
Posted

Update:

The family will withdraw life support this morning.

 

Drugs do not discriminate. Being a "good kid", having a loving stable home, being a good student, being an athlete - none of these are a guarantee. The scary truth is that once was once too much. I am sure none of the kids thought it could happen to them.

 

Telling his story in the hope that maybe it prevents one kid from doing the same is all we can do as we grieve with his family.

 

:grouphug: :crying: :grouphug:

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