Snickerdoodle Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 87. If you take a video of me snoring, that does not constitute proof that I snore. I do not snore. End of story. 88. If I send you down for nutella, do not come home with hershey's spread. That scenario will end ugly as you by now know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 89. If you touch or dare to eat any of mommy's special chocolate be prepared for some serious consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 90. The crime scene tape I have affixed to the portal of your room is an indication that it does, in fact, require cleaning. This service is not included in your daily rate of $0. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 90. The crime scene tape I have affixed to the portal of your room is an indication that it does, in fact, require cleaning. This service is not included in your daily rate of $0. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 90. The crime scene tape I have affixed to the portal of your room is an indication that it does, in fact, require cleaning. This service is not included in your daily rate of $0. My dad actually did that to my sister as a teen. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 If you choose to gripe about the way laundry is handled, be prepared to do your own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 91. Complaining about doing your ONE chore will always, always result in extra practice at completing a chore without complaint. 92. Whining that I tell you to pick only ONE new book at the store instead of two will always, always result in zero books being purchased. It was a rough day for one of mine... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smudge Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 I am not now, nor will I ever be, a short order cook. If you don't like the meal I make you are welcome to make your own meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 93. If you wake me at 7 a.m. or earlier to ask permission to get on the computer, I can't answer for my reaction. This increases in proportion to the number of times your baby brother woke up in the night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 94. When I tell you to wipe down the table, the goal of the task is to leave the table clean, not just to smear the crumbs around. If you fail to accomplish that goal the first time you should expect to be sent back to try again. And again. And again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1GirlTwinBoys Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 95. When I ask you at 9:50pm to get ready for bed, which means brushing, flossing and getting in bed, do not take until 10:50pm to get that accomplished. If you do, we will start at 8:50pm next time to make sure you're actually in bed by 10:00pm. :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 96. Loudly saying, "Yawn" at VBS while a leader is talking WILL get back to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 97. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was a person. I had a real name, and a life! It's true! So when you think you have invented "getting over on mom", you are mistaken. I invented it (right after the wheel), and I can smell it even before you try it. Long weekend. In unrelated news, there is a teenager available to fill your home with joy and laughter! First come, first served! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 98. For the love of God please just let me pee all by myself 99. Please let me enjoy my food, you have a plate of the exact same thing across the table from me. Eat from your own freaking plate!!!! All of the above is referring to dd1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymonster Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 100. Game over, dear children. I've told you 6,439 times to pick up the legos before bed. Now that I have stepped on yet another lego, this time while sporting massive blisters, legos shall go away for a few days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 101. For the 7,846th time this week, PLEASE hang your wet towel and swim suit up!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I don't know why all of you are having so much trouble with your kids...mine are absolute angels.... :P (that's because they are away from home...shhh...hehehe) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tabinfl Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 102. Fifteen minutes of banging your hands randomly on they keyboard does not count as piano practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 If I happen to thoughtlessly let it slip that I don't want your little sister to play with a certain someone because they are a bad influence, you should not mention it to little sister--and little sister's friend. Yeah, I'm partially to blame here, but now we all feel miserable, don't we? :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deee Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 104. There is a pecking order in this house. While you may now be taller than your mother, you have not climbed above her in the pecking order. 105. Only the cat is allowed to spend all day sleeping. NB. You are not a cat. 106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 107. Any object or privilege that seems to be detrimental to your behavior shall be removed at once, so that you can stay out of trouble. The more you fuss, the longer it's gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 108. Do not fuss whine at me because I told you to clean your room. It was cleaned yesterday and you decided to yank out about every toy you own, that's not my problem. 109. Do not fuss whine at me if I decide to get rid of most of your toys. If you can't manage to keep them picked up then you have too many!!! 110. DO NOT FUSS WHINE AT ME!!!!!! It is the fastest way to tick me off, you want to go places and do things, don't fuss whine. Yes I do have an issue with fuss whining :D dd1's main chore is keeping her room clean, the others are fed, water and let dog in and out if I am doing something else. I mean is that really too much for a 5.5 yr. old???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 104. There is a pecking order in this house. While you may now be taller than your mother, you have not climbed above her in the pecking order. I love this. Mine are not taller yet....but getting there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 111. If soap and shampoo did not touch your body, it was not a shower/bath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 112. Your sister's nap time is NOT the time to decide to stomp through the house and other wise be noisy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador! Oh.my.gosh. I get this one all the time from my kids. "You just fussed at me and turned around and talked sweet to the dog, that isn't fair". Yes, I did....he listens. :001_tt2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 113. Vomiting and high fevers are prohibited between 9:00pm-6:00am. :needcoffee: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 104. There is a pecking order in this house. While you may now be taller than your mother, you have not climbed above her in the pecking order. 105. Only the cat is allowed to spend all day sleeping. NB. You are not a cat. 106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador! I LOVE this! Gonna copy and post it around the house... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 114. I am not base, the safe spot, a hiding place, a shield, or the referee. Take it somewhere else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I don't know why all of you are having so much trouble with your kids...mine are absolute angels.... :p (that's because they are away from home...shhh...hehehe) Well then.... :001_tt2: :D 106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador! LOL.... This is too funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tabinfl Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 ** JUST SO THERE IS NO CONFUSION, the above shall apply equally to the spawn of someone else's womb who have been declared by the state to be my legal children. It says it right there on the paperwork, "entitled to all rights and privileges and subject to all obligations of children born to" etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador!I had to email this to my mother in law, whose favorite child is clearly the dachshund. (and asks is currently having attitude with the 13yo) :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 101. Dear son who is about to leave for college, wouldn't it have been better for you to look through your checklist when I asked you to, about 4 weeks ago? Because now we are both a bit stressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 115. It was really mean to go on my iPad and run up the high score on my favorite game putting it permanently beyond my reach, yeah, just really mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 114. I am not base, the safe spot, a hiding place, a shield, or the referee. Take it somewhere else. Nor am I a tissue or handkerchief! Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 97. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was a person. I had a real name, and a life! It's true! So when you think you have invented "getting over on mom", you are mistaken. I invented it (right after the wheel), and I can smell it even before you try it. As DH frequently tells the kids, "There is nothing new under the sun!" :coolgleamA: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Oh.my.gosh. I get this one all the time from my kids. "You just fussed at me and turned around and talked sweet to the dog, that isn't fair". Yes, I did....he listens. :001_tt2: :iagree: Even DH comments that I'm nicer to the dog than my own children, (and him sometimes.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 What are we up to, 116? 116) If a pair of siblings give you a gift, you cannot only thank the child with the shorter name in your thank you note. Don't argue with me on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 117) It is absolutely forbidden that your tease, torment, wrestle with or otherwise "work your brother up", ESPECIALLY when we are visiting Grandma's house! You KNOW Grandma does not like that and you KNOW how I feel about that. That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I am not now, nor will I ever be, a short order cook. If you don't like the meal I make you are welcome to make your own meal. ...for which you must wash ALL cooking and eating dishes, wipe down the counter & clean your dining space (sweep or wipe), and clean off the charred remains from the stove top or oven DIRECTLY following your meal. I am also NOT your maid. But I will buy the groceries, for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 118. Stop giving me puppy dog eyes. It won't work. Ok, it works sometimes. Stop it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tabinfl Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 111. If soap and shampoo did not touch your body, it was not a shower/bath. 111(a) "Wash your hands" implies the use of soap along with water. I should not have to ask both "Did you wash your hands?" and "Did you use soap?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 119. Just because your hormones are going a little crazy does not mean you are smarter than me. It only means that your brain no longer processes how awesome I am. One day you will have a child exactly like you and you will call begging for advice. I only hope my hormones are stable at that time. If they aren't, be prepared for me to roll my eyes, sigh loudly, slam the door, and say "Why do you have to be so mean!". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 119. Just because your hormones are going a little crazy does not mean you are smarter than me. It only means that your brain no longer processes how awesome I am. One day you will have a child exactly like you and you will call begging for advice. I only hope my hormones are stable at that time. If they aren't, be prepared for me to roll my eyes, sigh loudly, slam the door, and say "Why do you have to be so mean!". LOL! Preach it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 120. Acknowledge that you understand the dishwasher is not self-loading, and act accordingly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NCMom Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 121. You are 18 years old. Stop bringing reptiles, rodents and other bits of nature inside my house with such abandon. "Oops", does not constitute the proper reaction when one drops a large black snake on the floor in the school room. P.S. The very MINUTE you get housing that allows dogs, expect to have your dog delivered to your front door... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 The answer to "when did you say you were going to mow the lawn?" is "Right now Mom!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrissySC Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 122. When you show up with swollen lips and red splotches on the sides of your mouth, do not ask me why you are going to time out. I have eyes in the back of my head and MOM-ESP. I know you were sucking your fingers and ruining all of that great dental work that I had to pay for over the years! Be glad it is not a minute for every dollar that I spent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 123. Do not ask your mother to give you tips on making your fake burps sound better. Especially after she has told you to stop all the burping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 124. Asking me the same question 100 times a day does nothing to change the no answer. You might as well save your breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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