Frustrated (actually, really ticked off!) RE HS Stereotyping!

[Shelly in VA]

Venting here! We have been homeschooling for 13 years now. We started when my oldest was in 1st grade (she is now a freshman in college), and she is actually the only one of my kids to have attended a brick-and-mortar school for any part of K-12 (she went to K and half of first grade).

 

So this is not exactly news to my extended family. It's been a long time that this has been our family's choice.

 

Ds (high school junior) got his ACT score today. He did really, really well. As in, he surprised us all by getting a 36. Not that I didn't think he was academically capable, but the score was still something of a surprise!

 

Here comes the venting part. My youngest brother responded by texting me with a diatribe about how he has never doubted that my kids were academically prepared, but he just wanted to "let me know" that in his opinion, school is as much about learning to interact with other people, get cut from teams, run for office, etc. than school, and that those things can't be replicated at home. He followed that up with asking if dh or I had some horrible experience in our schooling past that made us not want our kids to have that experience.  :confused1:  That had actually never occurred to me as a reason to homeschool until he asked me today!

 

OK. So, first of all, the whole point is that I'm NOT trying to replicate that at home! B/c if I was, public school would be easier, cheaper, and a lot less stressful for me.  :laugh: But I am disappointed that this was his reaction to good news for my son; jealousy on his part, maybe? On top of that, I am ticked because not only is he holding on to stereotypes about home schooling (that is, he clearly thinks my kids are sitting around with me all day, not getting to experience social settings, missing out on extracurriculars, etc.), but he's too lazy to get even slightly educated on the reality of homeschooling before condemning it to me.

 

I'm mad, and I'm hurt; but mostly I'm mad!! On top of that, this from someone whose oldest child is 4. Four!! I've watched my kids try out for things, and make some teams and get cut from others. I've watched my kids take leadership roles, and I've watched them work under leaders, sometimes leaders in roles they wanted but failed to get. I've watched the teens have crushes, sometimes reciprocated, most often not. I have actually had these parenting experiences, whereas my brother has not. And I'm frustrated that he is feeling so judgmental that he has the nerve to tell me where I've made bad choices, without asking me about those situations that are apparently critical to him, and when he hasn't even faced a decision on where to send his kids to preschool! (Both he and his wife work full-time, and their kids go to a sitter's house, so they have yet to encounter a single sports team, school setting, etc. with their kids.)

 

I'm seething. And trying really hard not to text back. But at the same time, I feel slandered, and I want to defend my position. Not to try to sway him, b/c I don't honestly think homeschooling would be the right choice for them (especially after his text - haha!), and I'm fine with that. I think it's great that people have choices. Always a position of strength to have a choice. So while I respect that for them, I don't think it's too much to ask that they do a little tiny bit of learning what homeschooling actually looks like before judging that my choice is inferior. It probably goes without saying at this point that my brother and his wife have never asked what our homeschool day looks like, what groups or activities the kids are in, etc.

 

I just think that everyone's school experience is unique, in every school setting, every year, for every kid. The kids who are going to be active and involved will do that whether they are in a large public school, a small public school, a private school, or a homeschool. There is no magic involved in public school so that all those kids are student leaders and social magnets, just like homeschooled kids aren't actually locked away from the world. I really think it's rude to judge someone without trying to find out first what their experience actually is.

 

This post probably isn't even coherent because I'm so very frustrated!!

 

Thanks for e-listening.  :001_cool:

[Butter]

I'd be amused if he starts homeschooling his kid in a few years.

 

I'd be tempted to text back thanking him for the information because it made you have a huge revelation that you should let your kids out of the basement every so often.

 

In reality, not responding at all is the best course of action.  It's a typical HS criticism (and one we all know doesn't hold water since we actually do let our kids out of the basement on occasion already).  They can't criticize academics (clearly) so they have to make school not be about education, but the social experience.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Honestly? I would send the above post to him, edited to address him directly, of course.

 

Congratulations to your DS!

[Stratford]

Congrats to your son, that's a great score!  

 

Ignore your brother...at least, that's what I would try to do.  I get the frustration, though, that was an obnoxious comment at best.

 

[JudoMom]

I'd probably just tell him that you'd be happy to talk once he's parented a child into adulthood.  Or even through elementary.

 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'd text him back that I don't take parenting advice from newbies and I don't take opinions about home education from people who have never done it.

 

And I'd let him know that further input on these topics will be ignored, 100% of the time. But if he ever needs advice from you he's welcome to ask.

 

[8filltheheart]

I know you are upset, but I seriously would not let it bother you.   I have learned to ignore my family over the yrs b/c they are purely critical of our lifestyle choices.   I have brother that is mad that we have a large family.   We are responsible for the destruction of the earth.   We consume too many resources, etc.   I have a brother that told me  that I had no right to an opinion on education or on parenting until my kids grew up and demonstrated that they would actually be able to function and be employable.   He has now changed his argument away from that (since my kids have been successful and he can't use that one anymore) to arguing that homeschooling and private schools should be outlawed b/c no child should have the right to any educational privileges that other kids don't have access to   (on what planet???   the irony is that they are fairly well off and live on lake front property in an area where only the very well-to-do can afford to live.  ;)  But I once told him that I would never sacrifice my kids for other kids' education and he was completely offended that I wouldn't!) 

 

Bleh...whatever.   I simply laugh at their comments.   I don't need or want their approval for my life choices.   I am big girl and I am fully capable of making choices for myself.

 

And......congrats to your ds!!!

[Soror]

We should be able to share successes with our loved ones, that isn't bragging, really we're never allowed to share anything positive? The appropriate response when someone shares such news is congratulations, if he is so insecure or such a jerk that he feels such sharing is an invitation to insult you and your family I'd curtail my interactions and keep it to general pleasantries.

 

Congrats to you and your son!

[Shelly in VA]

Did you tell him your son's score? He might have thought you were bragging and then responded to you negatively.

 

Maybe this is just me but I wouldn't share my child's SAT or ACT scores with anyone else.

 

No, actually, I didn't. I posted the following to my parents, my inlaws, and my siblings: "It's a good day here! (Son's name) got his ACT score and he is happy enough with it to not have to retake it!"

 

I didn't feel like it was bragging, but I also would not have felt that it was wrong to share success with family. Much the same way I would feel like I could share news about the things that are important to my brother, like apparently winning a student council office or being named MVP of a sports team. I know I would like to hear about those successes on the part of my nieces and nephews, especially as our extended family lives in the midwest while we are in the southeast, so, unfortunately, we don't hear about these things on a regular basis because we only see family once or twice per year. 

[Shelly in VA]

I'd be tempted to text back thanking him for the information because it made you have a huge revelation that you should let your kids out of the basement every so often.

 

In reality, not responding at all is the best course of action.  It's a typical HS criticism (and one we all know doesn't hold water since we actually do let our kids out of the basement on occasion already).  They can't criticize academics (clearly) so they have to make school not be about education, but the social experience.

 

Thanks for that!  :lol:

[Shelly in VA]

I'd probably just tell him that you'd be happy to talk once he's parented a child into adulthood.  Or even through elementary.

 

 

 

:laugh:  Well put!

[Shelly in VA]

I'd text him back that I don't take parenting advice from newbies and I don't take opinions about home education from people who have never done it.

 

And I'd let him know that further input on these topics will be ignored, 100% of the time. But if he ever needs advice from you he's welcome to ask.

 

 

:iagree:  Good points. Advice only from those who have been-there-done-that is probably best in many, many situations!!

[Shelly in VA]

We should be able to share successes with our loved ones, that isn't bragging, really we're never allowed to share anything positive? The appropriate response when someone shares such news is congratulations, if he is so insecure or such a jerk that he feels such sharing is an invitation to insult you and your family I'd curtail my interactions and keep it to general pleasantries.

 

Congrats to you and your son!

 

Thank you; I feel the same way. Pass-the-bean-dip only from this point forward.  :001_cool:

[chiguirre]

Congratulations to your ds and to you!!!

 

I don't think there's anything you can do about your party-pooper brother except to ignore him. He might be jealous or worried that he'll never measure up or just had a crappy day at work and wanted to share the feelings. Who knows? Don't let it get you down and don't feel bad for having texted your good news. If you can't share a 36 with your family, who can you share it with? (With the Hive, of course, but you want IRL people to congratulate your ds too).

[Shelly in VA]

Sorry for asking but I've had friends tell me their kids' scores which always made me uncomfortable. It's none of my business. 

 

I understand that perspective, I really do. It's a fine line between bragging and sharing success sometimes. 

[Connections]

First of all, I would share my children's success with my immediate family members. One would think that an uncle would feel proud of their nephew, and in no way consider it bragging. I also like to hear about the successes of those I love!

 

Secondly, congratulations to your son! Awesome job! (Congratulations to you, too.)

 

Thirdly, your brother's comment was completely rude. Period.

 

Fourth, I can relate to what you are going through and my first reaction is to be mad for you! Then, I remember that getting mad only makes me feel icky. Like 8Fill, I have made decisions with my life and my children that my brother (this is before he even had children) felt inclined to criticize. It brings out host of emotions that can take over us if we are not careful.

 

Finally, I hope you can set this aside and celebrate your son's accomplishment. If you think that your brother is honestly open to communication on the issue and you have a relationship where you can really discuss things, then you may want to have a heart to heart as someone else suggested. (If that is the case, I would suggest a phone call and NOT a text or email conversation.) Sadly, that is not usually the case and most of the time we are better off ignoring things like this (as hard as that is). I have an open relationship with my brother and we respect one another but we had to come to a point where we do not discuss homeschooling or much of parenting (which is tricky since that is a great portion of my life). I am sure he still criticizes my choices to others who will listen, but I try not to think about it.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope sharing here can help you feel less angry- I hate feeling angry :001_smile:

[Tiberia]

I'd be mad. 

 

But to him (brother), I'd smile and be loving and polite. He may be asking you for parenting or schooling advice in a couple of years. Probably not, but I'd keep the door open and keep the relationship friendly. (Unless he says or does something that is actually harmful to your family.)

 

It sounds like he is over reacting because of his issues, not your issues. Your kids' lives speak for themselves; you don't need to defend your choices unless you want to. Your brother may change and evolve over time. 

 

But I'd still feel mad (but get over it). 

 

Congrats to son!

[Moxie]

I'd probably text back, "Gosh, you're right. Heck with the 36, my kids are going to 'real school' ASAP!! Thank you for showing me the error of my ways!" But, I am not a nice person.

[Connections]

OK, I would not really text this but I did think of something like...

 

"The only negative experience I have had with high school is dealing with people who have gone through high school and leave close minded and judgmental thinking that everyone must share the same experiences they had or their choices are inherently inferior. Some actually leave high school thinking that anyone who chooses a different path is missing out on solving life's great mysteries which cannot be replicated outside of a high school building. Yea, that's the only negative experience I can think of."

 

See, sarcasm is one of the host of emotions I experience!

[RootAnn]

First -  :party:  and  :thumbup:  for you and your son!

 

Second - I'll echo Kinsa in saying that I was an expert on all-things-kids when I didn't have any yet. The more I have, the less I think I know. Currently, I'm like  :confused1:  most of the time!

 

Try not to respond. Try to let it roll off your back. You might be rolling in laughter in a handful of years when he's begging at your door for help with his kid(s).

[Shelly in VA]

Second - I'll echo Kinsa in saying that I was an expert on all-things-kids when I didn't have any yet. The more I have, the less I think I know. Currently, I'm like  :confused1:  most of the time!

 

Isn't that the truth!! Most of the time, I know enough now to know that I am clueless!! I am not being nearly as sarcastic as that sounds... Really, just trying to survive things most days.

[Shelly in VA]

OK, I would not really text this but I did think of something like...

 

"The only negative experience I have had with high school is dealing with people who have gone through high school and leave close minded and judgmental thinking that everyone must share the same experiences they had or their choices are inherently inferior. Some actually leave high school thinking that anyone who chooses a different path is missing out on solving life's great mysteries which cannot be replicated outside of a high school building. Yea, that's the only negative experience I can think of."

 

See, sarcasm is one of the host of emotions I experience!

 

That's so close to the response I wanted to give that it's a little bit scary! :D

[MistiDelaney]

Shelley, to tell you the truth, I run into that a lot.  I think of it as "the arrogance of the untested".  :p  People with toddlers trying to teach "grandma" to suck eggs always makes me laugh.  (I have grandchildren older than many of their children.)

 

My impression?  You say your brother has a four year old.  Guess what copnversation he and his wife have probably started having?  Yup, the "what shall we do about school".  This may be the first time he has thouight it through as thoroughly as you have been doing for at least 13 years. 

 

*And* he and hjis wife may have decided that the "stuff" two incomes can buy is too important to give up, so he may be feeling a little guilty that the education of his children is not as important to him as it 'obviously' is to you. So, to defend himself, to himself, he has to explain to you (and himself) why what he wants to do is actually the "better decision". 

 

<hugs>  You are obviously doing a great job.  I can understand the frustration and hurt...but really, I think he has earned pity with his bad manners.

[fourisenough]

Pass the bean dip!

[elegantlion]

You are writing this down, right? So if he ever has to, by chance, eat his words, you will be able to serve up a nice dish of crow with some humble pie on the side. 

[Kevin'sMom]

You are clearly doing a wonderful job. Please congratulate your son for us. Your brother has some serious boundary issues and needs to mature a bit. I wouldn't defend my position to him or say anything about his. Just find strength in quietness and confidence. That will be much more effective.

[zoobie]

Even if you had shared the exact number, it's to grandparents and aunts/ uncles! I could see my BIL responding in a similar manner, but he has a child in the same grade as my oldest, so he sees things as a competition. Your brother has no excuse for behaving as a know-it-all horse's behind. Please allow me to say it in his place--congratulations to your son! I hope his hard work takes him wherever he wants to go in life!

[Denise in Florida]

Shelley, to tell you the truth, I run into that a lot.  I think of it as "the arrogance of the untested".  :p  People with toddlers trying to teach "grandma" to suck eggs always makes me laugh.  (I have grandchildren older than many of their children.)

 

My impression?  You say your brother has a four year old.  Guess what copnversation he and his wife have probably started having?  Yup, the "what shall we do about school".  This may be the first time he has thouight it through as thoroughly as you have been doing for at least 13 years. 

 

*And* he and hjis wife may have decided that the "stuff" two incomes can buy is too important to give up, so he may be feeling a little guilty that the education of his children is not as important to him as it 'obviously' is to you. So, to defend himself, to himself, he has to explain to you (and himself) why what he wants to do is actually the "better decision". 

 

<hugs>  You are obviously doing a great job.  I can understand the frustration and hurt...but really, I think he has earned pity with his bad manners.

 

 

I agree totally with the bolded! That is exactly what I was thinking. He may feel like you will judge him for not homeschooling so he has to 'defend' the virtues of public school.

 

And congratulations to your son, I hope he has fun with his college search. :)

[foxbridgeacademy]

Honestly? I would send the above post to him, edited to address him directly, of course.

 

Congratulations to your DS!

:iagree:

[Shelly in VA]

I could see my BIL responding in a similar manner, but he has a child in the same grade as my oldest, so he sees things as a competition.

 

 

congratulations to your son! I hope his hard work takes him wherever he wants to go in life!

 

:)  I have another brother who has a son just one year younger than mine. He simply said, "Congratulations!"

 

Also, thank you for commenting on the hard work ds has done to get to this point. He has worked hard to get to this point, and I am happy for him that it has paid off in this instance.

[Shelly in VA]

I hope he has fun with his college search. :)

 

Oh, the college search... Aaacck!  :eek:  We have visited a handful of schools already, and he likes just about everywhere. Not helpful!! But the college tours are fun and exciting for teens at this point, so it's all good. I feel fortunate to be in an area with a lot of strong school choices within a reasonable drive (a few hours) of home.

[sassenach]

Here are some options for replies. Depending on my relationship with the brother, and how confrontational I'm feeling that day, I might choose any one of these.

 

"Rude."

"Rude. I guess this is the type of crap you're worried my kids are missing out on? Don't worry, I'll just make sure you have their email address so you can get them all caught up."

"Wow, that was really hurtful."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea that our relationship was the type that is open to unsolicited parental criticism. Now that I know this, I'll be sending you an email about your choices, because there's plenty that I could criticize."

"Are you sure you want to go this direction with our relationship? Although we both have opinions about each other's parenting choices, it has always seemed like poor form to openly criticize."

"Hey, I don't send you nasty messages about how you're screwing Susie up by putting her in daycare all day. At least my criticisms have scientific studies to back them up."

 

I could go on. In reality, I would probably just not respond.

[Indian summer]

He will likely be eating his words before too long, if he has kids of his own. ;) that's usually the way thins go, I've observed. Hopefully you'll get to be a witness.

[...................]

I quoted the wrong person.  I meant to quote the person who had said it was because his oldest is four, and don't you remember you knew everything when your kids were that little?  LOL

Talk about hitting the nail on the head. Your brother knows it all because his oldest child is 4! He'll probably be a lot less knowledgable when his own kids are 15. Lol

Congrats on that score!

[abacus2]

Congrats to your son! Sorry about your brother.

 

I wouldn't try to sway him, but I would call him out on being a jerk. Something along the lines of, "Please don't speak rudely to me about my parenting choices. You don't have to agree with me, but speak nicely to me."

[Reefgazer]

A successful and happy child is the best revenge.  :hurray:

[Caclcoca]

Congratulations to your son and you!!

 

I often tell my dd that people say/do mean things when they are jealous.

[Garga]

Here are some options for replies. Depending on my relationship with the brother, and how confrontational I'm feeling that day, I might choose any one of these.

 

"Rude."

"Rude. I guess this is the type of crap you're worried my kids are missing out on? Don't worry, I'll just make sure you have their email address so you can get them all caught up."

"Wow, that was really hurtful."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea that our relationship was the type that is open to unsolicited parental criticism. Now that I know this, I'll be sending you an email about your choices, because there's plenty that I could criticize."

"Are you sure you want to go this direction with our relationship? Although we both have opinions about each other's parenting choices, it has always seemed like poor form to openly criticize."

"Hey, I don't send you nasty messages about how you're screwing Susie up by putting her in daycare all day. At least my criticisms have scientific studies to back them up."

 

I could go on. In reality, I would probably just not respond.

 

I don't think I could entirely let it go.  I'd have to respond in some way.  I wouldn't try to convince him of anything or defend anything, but I would point out that this comments weren't welcome.  

 

I think I'd go with the "Wow, that was really hurtful" one above. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

"What happened to just wishing someone congratulations?"  

[JustEm]

My response to my brother if he ever said that would be, "I appreciate that you feel public school has more to offer than just education and I hope your children can/will enjoy all those things when they are old enough to attend. Clearly, dh and i made a decision that works for our family 13 years ago and we still feel its the best decision for us. I support whatever education decision you make for your kids and would hope for the same support from you. If you are unable to support us then please refrain from talking about it with us. Any other negative comments will be ignored. If at any point I feel your negativity is being directed towards my children because I will not listen dh and I will have to consider limitations on your relationship with the kids.

[swellmomma]

Venting here! We have been homeschooling for 13 years now. We started when my oldest was in 1st grade (she is now a freshman in college), and she is actually the only one of my kids to have attended a brick-and-mortar school for any part of K-12 (she went to K and half of first grade).

 

So this is not exactly news to my extended family. It's been a long time that this has been our family's choice.

 

Ds (high school junior) got his ACT score today. He did really, really well. As in, he surprised us all by getting a 36. Not that I didn't think he was academically capable, but the score was still something of a surprise!

 

Here comes the venting part. My youngest brother responded by texting me with a diatribe about how he has never doubted that my kids were academically prepared, but he just wanted to "let me know" that in his opinion, school is as much about learning to interact with other people, get cut from teams, run for office, etc. than school, and that those things can't be replicated at home. He followed that up with asking if dh or I had some horrible experience in our schooling past that made us not want our kids to have that experience.  :confused1:  That had actually never occurred to me as a reason to homeschool until he asked me today!

 

OK. So, first of all, the whole point is that I'm NOT trying to replicate that at home! B/c if I was, public school would be easier, cheaper, and a lot less stressful for me.  :laugh: But I am disappointed that this was his reaction to good news for my son; jealousy on his part, maybe? On top of that, I am ticked because not only is he holding on to stereotypes about home schooling (that is, he clearly thinks my kids are sitting around with me all day, not getting to experience social settings, missing out on extracurriculars, etc.), but he's too lazy to get even slightly educated on the reality of homeschooling before condemning it to me.

 

I'm mad, and I'm hurt; but mostly I'm mad!! On top of that, this from someone whose oldest child is 4. Four!! I've watched my kids try out for things, and make some teams and get cut from others. I've watched my kids take leadership roles, and I've watched them work under leaders, sometimes leaders in roles they wanted but failed to get. I've watched the teens have crushes, sometimes reciprocated, most often not. I have actually had these parenting experiences, whereas my brother has not. And I'm frustrated that he is feeling so judgmental that he has the nerve to tell me where I've made bad choices, without asking me about those situations that are apparently critical to him, and when he hasn't even faced a decision on where to send his kids to preschool! (Both he and his wife work full-time, and their kids go to a sitter's house, so they have yet to encounter a single sports team, school setting, etc. with their kids.)

 

I'm seething. And trying really hard not to text back. But at the same time, I feel slandered, and I want to defend my position. Not to try to sway him, b/c I don't honestly think homeschooling would be the right choice for them (especially after his text - haha!), and I'm fine with that. I think it's great that people have choices. Always a position of strength to have a choice. So while I respect that for them, I don't think it's too much to ask that they do a little tiny bit of learning what homeschooling actually looks like before judging that my choice is inferior. It probably goes without saying at this point that my brother and his wife have never asked what our homeschool day looks like, what groups or activities the kids are in, etc.

 

I just think that everyone's school experience is unique, in every school setting, every year, for every kid. The kids who are going to be active and involved will do that whether they are in a large public school, a small public school, a private school, or a homeschool. There is no magic involved in public school so that all those kids are student leaders and social magnets, just like homeschooled kids aren't actually locked away from the world. I really think it's rude to judge someone without trying to find out first what their experience actually is.

 

This post probably isn't even coherent because I'm so very frustrated!!

 

Thanks for e-listening.  :001_cool:

 

:grouphug: he's a moron...it must be due to public school lol  Actually I have heard the same litany from family members especially my sister who teaches highschool courses at a college (you know for those students who lacked the marks they needed in high school to actually get any further in education).  This started before she had kids and now that her one and only is in kindy she is for sure the expert. In one ear and out the other.  She recently tried to tell me that the admissions counsellors I spoke to at 6 different post secondary schools were wrong in telling me what supports would possibly be available to my special needs son if he attended their school, that colleges don't do that.  Um, moron, stop talking you're proving your stupidity.  Some people just can not get their heads out of the box long enough to see other options.  Yes public school offers lots aside from academics, some good some bad.  Personally I prefer my children's education to be focused on the academic aspect.  Other people might feel the social game is more important.  Sister and bil are selling their house and building a new one in the community my kids used to attend ps, all because they want a particular elementary school for my nephew.  Good for them, that was an option for them.  The option for me is to keep my kids home to school.  We each feel our decision is best (but that is true of all the decision we have made parenting- we are on opposite ends of the spectrum on pretty much everything).  

 

As for your brother clearly he failed at the social game in ps or he would have known how incrediably rude he was being with his post to you.

[My3girls]

Shelley, to tell you the truth, I run into that a lot. I think of it as "the arrogance of the untested". :p People with toddlers trying to teach "grandma" to suck eggs always makes me laugh. (I have grandchildren older than many of their children.)

 

My impression? You say your brother has a four year old. Guess what copnversation he and his wife have probably started having? Yup, the "what shall we do about school". This may be the first time he has thouight it through as thoroughly as you have been doing for at least 13 years.

 

*And* he and hjis wife may have decided that the "stuff" two incomes can buy is too important to give up, so he may be feeling a little guilty that the education of his children is not as important to him as it 'obviously' is to you. So, to defend himself, to himself, he has to explain to you (and himself) why what he wants to do is actually the "better decision".

 

<hugs> You are obviously doing a great job. I can understand the frustration and hurt...but really, I think he has earned pity with his bad manners.

What she said. ^

[Scarlett]

I'd text him back that I don't take parenting advice from newbies and I don't take opinions about home education from people who have never done it.

 

And I'd let him know that further input on these topics will be ignored, 100% of the time. But if he ever needs advice from you he's welcome to ask.

 

 

This. Perfect Tibbie. I might add "as you mature you will learn how hurtful your words can be".

 

Congrats on your son's score! You should be proud of you and him.

[Wilma]

Holy smokes! Way to go, y'all! A 36!!

 

Maybe a, "usually when people share good news, the other person says 'congratulations!'" text to your rude brother. I'm with the gals who guess he's feeling defensive about his/their parenting choices, particuarly in light of y'all's smashing success.

[Lissande]

"Oh, I'm sorry, are we sharing opinions on each other's personal life decisions now? Because I have a few opinions I've been keeping to myself so far [because I usually try to have better manners than that]"

 

or a simple "Aren't you so cute?"

 

Of course, I would try to find a less sarcastic response to actually send.

 

I would possibly fail in that endeavor.

 

:)

[creekland]

No, actually, I didn't. I posted the following to my parents, my inlaws, and my siblings: "It's a good day here! (Son's name) got his ACT score and he is happy enough with it to not have to retake it!"

 

I didn't feel like it was bragging, but I also would not have felt that it was wrong to share success with family. Much the same way I would feel like I could share news about the things that are important to my brother, like apparently winning a student council office or being named MVP of a sports team. I know I would like to hear about those successes on the part of my nieces and nephews, especially as our extended family lives in the midwest while we are in the southeast, so, unfortunately, we don't hear about these things on a regular basis because we only see family once or twice per year. 

 

Congratulations to your son and SHARE that score with family (UNLESS family has a high schooler of similar age).  It is something to be proud of - very much as if he had scored a game winning touchdown/goal/basket, etc.  Few would tell someone to keep those details to themselves, why are academics different (with family)?  It bugs me that in this country we're allowed to share all sorts of achievements in sports, music, art, etc, but must keep academics to ourselves.  Why?  Celebrate with those who can do it well just as we do with those other things.  It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of!!!

 

And for your brother?  I'd take a kinder tone, but I know I'm different.  He's just beginning with parenting and is contemplating his choices.  If you are rude back (no matter how tempting), it will only confirm his opinions.  Instead, I'd pretend he was asking benign questions about homeschooling as many newbies do.

 

I'd probably respond with something like:

 

"Oh we are so proud of X getting his 36 and maxing out the ACT - it makes our day the same way a winning score in (favorite sport) would!  And I understand your concerns about the social aspects of school.  We shared those concerns and it's why we encouraged participation in _____, _____, and _____.  X did well in _____ (could be more descriptive), but found out he wasn't cut out for ______ (could be more descriptive).  He's been a leader in _____ and learned to follow in _____.  Some homeschoolers might choose to totally shelter their kids as is the typical stereotype, but those I know fully understand that the social aspect of life is important and work just as hard to give our kids options with that too.  The benefit is we had great family time in the process and still got a great academic foundation as well as social skills.  I'm on a homeschoolers forum online and you should really see what the kids on there are doing.  Homeschooling is so much more than the stereotype and I'm really glad we chose it for our family.  We have absolutely no regrets.  Best wishes to you and ____ as you decide what option works best for your family.  ;) "

[momacacia]

Or you could save your texting and type up on here how your son got a 36. We'll be really happy for you both and interested in what you're saying. :)

[daijobu]

Jealousy?  Yes.

 

And I for one was an excellent parent of teenagers when my kids were in preschool.  

 

Come to think of it, my kids aren't teens quite yet...so I can say with confidence that I'll do a fabulous job of raising teens.  How hard can it be, LOL!  

 

ETA:  I forgot to congratulate your son!  Great job!

[mamabear2three]

I agree with those who said that he's trying to justify his decisions about schooling for his own. I have a sister-in-law who is really really not the homeschooling type and she is constantly saying things about how amazing preschool is, how it has literally changed her son's life, etc.

 

Now to be fair, her oldest is repeating his second year of 3 year old pre-k because they held him back after the first year because he wasn't "ready" for prek-4  :huh: ... so while he will be 5 and would have been going to K in the fall, he'll be doing prek-4... my oldest is finishing Kindergarten homeschool reading at a third grade level, and mid first grade level in math. So yeah, obviously what she's doing is so much better than what I'm doing...  :laugh:

 

I would write him an email and then delete it. Then write another and then delete it. Then after a few more days if you're still feeling the need to respond, write another email and delete it before settling on a response.

[In2why]

He is your brother and you don't have anything to prove.   Let it go.  

 

If it were me, I would respond, "I Love you too"     In our family my brother would know immediately he had screwed up and would try to make it right because I am a sarcastic witch and he would read a million words into that simple sentence without me needing to add a thing.   It would also make him read what he had sent me without getting defensive about it and judge what he said.