Do you answer door when home alone?

[msjones]

I never open the door to anyone I don't know.  

 

We live in a large city with plenty of residential crime.  

 

However, I was a victim of a violent assault by a stranger, so certainly that has colored my view of strangers (especially men) at the door.  I'm pretty determined not to be assaulted again.  

 

I'd say that does indeed tend toward irrational, but that's my point of view.  

[QueenCat]

Yes, I answer the door.

[jelbe5]

Not anymore.  I used to, but about two years ago a cable guy knocked on the door.  He said he was from Comcast and had a Comcast shirt on.  

 

Anyway, we have the access pole in our backyard and the guy wanted to let me know he needed to go in our back yard and take a look.  I thanked him for letting me know.  A few minutes later he came back and knocked on my door again.  He told me we had an illegal cable hook-up and we proceeded to argue for a few minutes. He said he would let it slide if we signed up now and paid with credit card, etc. etc.   We don't have cable, we have never had cable.  We only recently purchased a small flat-screen TV.  Our other TV's are older tube TVs and we use converter boxes and our antenna on our roof.

 

Anyway, this went on for a few minutes and he said he was going to call in and come back and cut the wire coming from the pole to our house.  That wire is our phone line (electric and phone are above ground in our neighborhood).  I told him that was our phone line and he had better leave.  I really felt he was trying to intimidate me.

 

Shortly after that, my dh came home he called Comcast to complain.  They said they had no record of anyone working our neighborhood.  They guy did not have any ID or even a truck parked up the street.  He just had a red shirt that said Comcast and a clipboard.  He could have been anybody and could have pushed his way into the house.

 

I decided then and there that I would no longer open the door to strangers.  And I don't care if they see us through the window or hear us.  If my dh is home he can open the door.  My kids are told to never open the door if I am not home.  Maybe it is rude, but I don't care anymore.  We don't have a dog as I am allergic to them; that might have made a difference.

 

ETA - I was a victim of an armed robbery before we moved into our house.  We lived in Chicago at the time and now live in the suburbs.  The robbery happened in the gated parking lot of the apartment complex we lived in.  When I think back now I wonder why I ever opened the door to any stranger.  I want to trust people and be polite, but I was a victim once before.  Realizing this guy could have been a scammer or a bad person and that there was a possibility my kids could have been in danger (he was a bigger guy, could very easily have pushed his way in) also contributed to my decision.  Those feelings I had after being robbed over 20 years ago came flooding back after my dh got off the phone with Comcast and we realized the guy was probably not legitimate.

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't think anyone is denying that home invasion robberies never happen. But, they are few and far between compared with the number of people who come to my door. It's like refusing to go into the ocean because people have been attacked by sharks or refusing to walk to your car during a storm or going into a storm shelter every time it rains. It is generally considered irrational let those things rule your decisions. It's generally considered anxiety, not a rational fear, if you freeze and feel the need to be armed when your doorbell rings.

[Joker]

I rarely open the door even if I'm not alone. Not because I'm scared but because I just don't want to be bothered unless it's someone I know. Dh does the same thing when he's home in the evenings, too.

[Jennifer in MI]

I do open the door.  But, we live in a neighborhood where I feel safe.  

[poppy]

Then again, I don't think anyone needs to defend their choice not to answer the door.  If I don't feel like answering the door, I don't.  99% of the time it's nobody I'm interested in talking to anyway.

 

Sure, but you don't do it because you're terrified of.... I don't what.  Terrified of strangers.  

 

[tori@thehomefront]

I don't like answering the door, whether I'm alone or not.

 

We once lived in an apartment complex, and the terminex guy that came around every month to spray gave me the extreme willies. I don't know why exactly, but I really felt uncomfortable being in the house with him without my dh. So I decided to ignore the doorbell the next time he came around, figuring that he'd leave a little note saying what day he'd be back (which was standard procedure). Instead, he let himself in! The landlord had given him a set of keys for the empty apartments that apparently had all the keys on it. Talk about a freak out...

[Slartibartfast]

I don't open the door if I don't know who they are. I might come outside, out the other door and great them but I won't stand there with an open door to a stranger. 

 

 

[Mrs Mungo]

Then again, I don't think anyone needs to defend their choice not to answer the door.  If I don't feel like answering the door, I don't.  99% of the time it's nobody I'm interested in talking to anyway.

 

I'm not trying to make anyone feel defensive. I felt like the implied question in the OP was, "is this normal?" I don't think feeling scared when your doorbell rings is normal. I think it's the type of thing that people might want to talk to someone about. There are lots of treatments for anxiety. I have a lot of experience dealing with people who have issues with anxiety. It's not something to be ashamed about or feel defensive about.

 

 

I don't like answering the door, whether I'm alone or not.

 

We once lived in an apartment complex, and the terminex guy that came around every month to spray gave me the extreme willies. I don't know why exactly, but I really felt uncomfortable being in the house with him without my dh. So I decided to ignore the doorbell the next time he came around, figuring that he'd leave a little note saying what day he'd be back (which was standard procedure). Instead, he let himself in! The landlord had given him a set of keys for the empty apartments that apparently had all the keys on it. Talk about a freak out...

See? I don't think this is really an adult, rational response. I think dealing with these issues-head-on is always better for exactly this type of reason. If you don't want to be alone with the Terminix guy, then you should talk to your landlord. If you had called and said, "hey, I'd really like some notice of these visits because they are really disruptive of our day" or whatever, then they landlord may have said, "oh, he has keys to let himself in, so don't worry about being home," then you would have known and could have headed off *that* issue.

 

Note: I'm NOT saying that I always deal with things in the perfect manner, but I have learned over the years that it is better to be upfront whenever possible, even if it is uncomfortable.

[Carrie12345]

Yes.

I haven't been home without my dogs in ages, but I'd feel weird acting like a statue (tiny house, you're going to hear movement on the other side of the door) with my car in the driveway.

[Above The Rowan]

Bad guys don't usually knock so, yes, I answer the door.

This is exactly what I first thought.

Bein afraid to answer the door seems really really irrational. Big banging trying to shake the door down? I'd be worried. But otherwise? I can't imagine being fearful of the door.

[Garga]

I never answer when I'm hone alone.

[msjones]

I can't imagine being fearful of the door.

 

Neither could I, before I was assaulted.  

 

I wish I weren't fearful of the door.  I don't think it's normal or completely rational.  It's something I'm working to change, but I also try to patient with myself.

 

People have such a variety of experiences that lead to fearfulness or a feeling of security.  If I had never been robbed or attacked or had my car vandalized I imagine I'd feel very secure.  

[Mnemosyne]

I have a little peephole on my door, so I'll usually look through that first.

 

But, I have no problem answering the door.

[Maplecat]

I never open my door. I look to see who is there and then tell them we are not interested through the glass. I will never buy anything someone is selling at my door. I live in a safe area, but I worked in victim advocacy for several years and I don't trust most people.

[applethyme]

I never answer the door when I'm home alone.  I have a window near to the door that I will open if someone is at my door but I don't open the door itself. 

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I often answer the door by not opening the door but by speaking through the door to find out who it is first if I cannot tell by looking through peep hole. If I do not know them, then I do not open door unless I have some way of verifying who they are.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Home alone?  What's that?  On the rare occasion that I am and that someone actually rings my doorbell ... I can see who it is through the front window.  If it is someone unfamiliar and unexpected, I might grab the phone and pretend that I am having an important conversation.  I might even grab the cast iron frying pan and a towel and pretend I was just doing dishes.  But, we live in a rather safe neighborhood and I have several retired neighbors who can see what is going on.  The guy across the street is always puttering outside, even in the worst weather. 

[gardenmom5]

I did that for a few years - but that was after someone broke in and assaulted me.   I got over it.  I don't have a problem being at home with a service person - unless it's a creepy service person.  

 

 

[myfunnybunch]

Yes, but the dog answers with me. He's a big softie, and is more likely to pee on someone's feet than bite them, but he has a nice scary loud bark.

 

Cat

[SJ.]

I answer the door but first I look to see who it is and I have a sturdy locked screen (with a sliding glass window) door that I can talk through.  I also have a dog that sounds like he will eat you if you enter. 

[KungFuPanda]

I'm home alone today and the doorbell just rang. I froze.

 

I'm so used to other people in the house during the day. The dog is at daycare and I miss her big ferocious bark that keeps most people from my front door.

 

I felt liked I needed to grab a weapon before going to door (weird I know but I am overly security conscious).

 

I never answered and I hope they are gone.

 

Tell me I'm not alone and other people react like this.

I'm sorry. I couldn't hear anything past "my dog is at daycare." Did your inlaws pressure you into doggie preschool?

[gingersmom]

I'm sorry. I couldn't hear anything past "my dog is at daycare." Did your inlaws pressure you into doggie preschool?

My cats are homeschooled. The dog goes to school for gym and socialization.

[Catwoman]

Our local police always stress that you should never open the door to a stranger unless you know they are coming (like the cable guy or whomever,) and that you should ask to see their identification -- and verify it -- before you let anyone into your house.

 

They say that if there's a stranger in the neighborhood going door to door, they want to know about it so they can check the person out.

 

Personally, I think it's common sense not to open the door to a stranger. I'll talk to someone through the window (so they know the house isn't empty,) but unless I'm expecting someone, I'm not about to open the door.

[Mrs Mungo]

So far I've been opening the door for 33 years and I've never answered it to a single strange or suspicious person.

 

Oh, I have. Here is just one example:

 

The first time we lived here? I had a guy come to my door in a hard hat and safety vest. He said, "I am with one of the local alarm companies. We are doing a survey to see whether you have an alarm, if you have it hooked up to a service, whether it is hooked up through your phone or cable line and what service you use." I gave him a hard stare and said, "do I look like an idiot to you? WHY would I give you that information. *What* company did you say you were with? No, never mind, I am just going to call the police. Kids! Someone bring me the phone!"

 

He actually RAN to his truck and drove away.

[ErinE]

We had a problem in our area where bad guys were knocking and ringing the door bell. If no one went to the door, they broke in to steal things. I always go to the door, but I don't usually open it unless it's a delivery or maintenance person I've called. There have been problems with home invasions in every city I've lived in so I'd rather be safe.

[Scarlett]

When I was in my mid 20s I had a bad scare where a strange man attempted to get in to my house shortly after my then husband left for work. I used common sense....and he didn't get in.......and it was frightening.....but it doesn't overly affect how i deal with life now.

[*Lulu*]

I always answer during the day. The one time I didn't, it was a cop who walked into my house illegally. He was looking for some of my hired men. I filed a formal complaint and got him fired. Yeah, I knew the guy, but it didn't give him the right to walk into my back room!

 

I AM nervous about the hired men that come through cleaning the ditch from the ranch across the road. They hung my Border Collie up with wire in an unused hayshed and proceeded to kick the snot out of her and left her to die. They make me nervous.

That is very disturbing.

 

What is wrong with people?

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Usually I do.

[msjones]

Why on earth would I not open my front door when someone knocks ?

I can't tell if you're kidding or not...

 

And, if you're serious, wondering where you live...

[Guest]

I am never alone in my home, but I wouldn't fear answering the door if it was daytime and I was alone.  My dog sounds like she wants to tear your head off when someone knocks, so that alone intimidates most people.

[nukeswife]

I generally do or the kids will yell for me to let me know if it was UPS or a solicitor etc.  I do have a rather snotty/snarky sign for my door which helps with the solicitors though.  

 

I do generally keep my door locked though because one time when Dh was deployed some people (2 men and a woman) from the church down the street came to spread their message. This is all fine and I didn't have my sign yet so I answered, after telling them I was happy with my lack of religion and to have a nice day I closed the door and went to the kitchen which is down past the open foyer of our house in the back.  I thought I heard the door open/door knob rattle and went to see if one of the kids was coming in from outside or the dog was messing around by the door and found this woman from the church standing in my front foyer.  I was dumbstruck and told her to get the hell out of my house or I would call the cops.  She couldn't believe I said I'd call the cops.  :confused1:

[8circles]

I have never had someone suspicious at my door.  I don't know anyone IRL who has this fear of answering the door.  I agree with those who said it's my perogative to answer it or not, with no excuses.  But being afraid of it is beyond my scope of experience.

[msjones]

I have never had someone suspicious at my door.  I don't know anyone IRL who has this fear of answering the door.  I agree with those who said it's my perogative to answer it or not, with no excuses.  But being afraid of it is beyond my scope of experience.

Interesting, because I bet none of my women friends around here just open the door without checking who is there first.  And I doubt they'd open it if they found an unknown person at their door.  

 

And I can't imagine not being careful about it.  

[8circles]

Interesting, because I bet none of my women friends around here just open the door without checking who is there first.  And I doubt they'd open it if they found an unknown person at their door.  

 

And I can't imagine not being careful about it.  

 

Well, I think I am careful.  I look out the window & see who it is first.  I've just never seen anyone that made me afraid to open it.  I have a hard time picturing it.

[klmama]

Well, I think I am careful.  I look out the window & see who it is first.  I've just never seen anyone that made me afraid to open it.  I have a hard time picturing it.

 

Be thankful.

[LibraryLover]

The OP said: 'I'm home alone today and the doorbell just rang. I froze."

 

She didn't ask if we checked before we opened our door-- she asked if we answered the door when home alone.

 

I do not panic/freeze at a knock/ ring. That seems quite extreme in a 'normal' /no history situation.

 

OP, maybe you would find having a dog comforting.

[8circles]

I don't look out of the window. My front door is open a lot of the time. Like momoflaw said, I just have a hard time picturing a statistically significant reason to be anxious.

 

If there was a specific police alert about something ( when I was at Uni there was a rapist targeting women in particular suburbs and police advised caution ) I'd pay attention to it for the period of the alert.

 

Something the surgeon who operated on my then-8 week old baby said to me has always stuck in my mind. I was agonising over the general anaesthetic when he said "The risk of putting your son in the car and driving him here is higher than any risks associated with his operation."

 

We do 'risky' things all the time, like drive a car, and just don't perceive the relative (higher) risk.

 

The risk of something bad happening from me opening my door to a stranger is really, really, really low. (In other places it may be higher, I don't know ). Weighed against thefear nvolved in not opening my door ( anxiety, not getting to know and trust neighbours, teaching my kids anxiety about the prevalence of bad people ) I choose to open the door.

 

Although I must say, I assessed all this in about one second of thought decades ago. It has honestly never come up as an issue before this thread.

 

I am thankful I've never had a bad experience, but that is the norm here. The only intrusion any family member or friend has suffered was when a junkie broke into my sister's flat. He didn't knock first.

Yeah, I agree. I only know one person who has been victimized in her own home and she lives in an area where this is at least not surprising if not expected. She was held at gunpoint in her garage off the alley behind her house. They stole her purse and personal electronics & then took off. I would guess they needed drug money. Her dh and kids were in the house, oblivious, at the time.

 

The worst that happens in my neighborhood is teens stealing stuff from garages left open at night. Yes, that could change but I won't live in fear of the possibilities.

[KungFuPanda]

I always look first, but I generally open the door. Often I peek from the side window where they can't see me. If its a religious solicitor, and I don't want to spend time blowing them off politely, I just pretend I'm not home. Usually I open the door after peeking at them. If someone gave me creepy vibes, I'd ignore them or maybe talk through the sidelight so they'd know the house isn't vacant. My cowardly dog has a ferocious bark, so people tend to wrap up their business quickly. Sometimes I act like he could get past me any second. That hurries them along. I've run into very few people who creep me out.

[swellmomma]

of course I answer the door.  I am a single mom so whether the kids are here or I am here alone doesn't matter I still answer the door. I don't check first but at the same time I do not fling it open all the way either kwim.  When I open it I stand in such a way that it is open enough to open the storm door and speak to them but is blocked from opening further by my foot.  I am not worried or nervous about opening it especially out here, but where I lived in the city it was wise to be cautious and I had no window near the door or peep hole so I did the foot block thing, and now it is just habit.

[Katy]

I go to the door and talk through the window, but I don't open it unless it's someone I know, UPS, Fed Ex, or a neighborhood boy scout.

 

Both here and in our previous home in another state I've had people come to the door, knock violently, and then have completely nonsensical stories as to what they were doing.  They both claimed to be workmen who apparently had the wrong address.  In one instance they came to the back door instead of the front, ignored the closed gates, walked through a closed storm door and an insulated sun room addition without knocking, and then claimed to be shocked when I was angry he was there while I stood in my pajamas and he tried to come through the door to my dining room.

 

In both instances there were break ins elsewhere on my street in the same week, and in both instances police officers stated it was common for burglaries to take place in the middle of the day when most people were at work by men in unmarked work vans claiming to be "working on a septic backup" in an area that had always had city sewers or for a moving company when the address they claimed to be looking for literally didn't exist.

 

Always go to the door.  Always leave a car in the driveway and keep the snow shoveled if possible.  They need to know you are home.

[Camelfeet]

Yes, I always answer the door.  I live in a secure building though, so most people have to buzz me to be let in.  Those that don't buzz are usually the kid's friends or water delivery people, or the guys who check the fire alarms every 2 months.  

 

My door was usually wide open (with screen closed) in my previous home, so obviously I'd answer then too.  I have no fear at all that the person at the door is going to be a bad guy.  I would hate to live with that kind of fear.

 

 

[Grover]

There's a good chance my door is wide open all ready.  Possibly several of them.

 

My mother has another of those stories of people not thinking she was home so trying to break in.  She was a week or so post hip replacement and had settled down for a nap when she heard a knock at the door.  She decided to ignore it.  Then she heard people walking around the house.  By the time she got up on her crutches and down the hall they were just cracking open the ranch slider.  Luckily they took off when they saw her, because all they had to do was knock her down and there was no way she could have got back up. 

 

 

[kiwik]

If it is a warm day it is probably open anyway. I did ignore a knocking once when I was studying for an exam. A few minutes later I heard a sound and went into the dining room to find someone going through the cupboards. He was more frightened than I and ran for it. I locked the door and went back to my room to keep studying.

 

I have no problem ignoring the phone though.

[kiwik]

Oh year. Solicitors makes me think you have a parade of prostitutes turning up at your door.

[Grover]

 

The only unsolicited thing I hate is scam calls from India, they're always from India. "Ma'am, there is something wrong with your computer. Our help desk can fix this if you provide us with the details."

 

Now ds takes those calls and says 'Did you say biscuit ? I heard biscuit. Please wait while I transfer you to our Biscuit Department.' And hangs up. They've been calling for years. They don't seem to understand that we've been through this all before! We're not scammable.

 

I like playing with these ones.  If I'm not busy it's fun to see ho long I can keep them on the line.  I figure if I keep them tied up they're not scamming somone else. 

[Melissa in Australia]

My door is open just about all year except the coldest winter days. and even then it is not locked.  we have a long driveway, if a car comes up the geese go off, and I actually walk out to the shed ( where the driveway ends) to see who it is and talk to them there.

 

 I live in a very safe rural area in a very safe country.

[Ravin]

I do. I finally got DD's friends trained to knock instead of ringing the doorbell (they've woken DS up from nap multiple times), and I don't want them to lose the training by not answering.

 

We have a security screen, but it's usually open because it sticks so once closed is a PITA to open. 

[Hoot]

I only answer if I can see who it is from a window. However, it has nothing to do with being home alone. I do it when DH and DS are home, too. It isn't from fear or anything, we just don't typically have visitors. When someone knocks on my door it's usually a sales person or Jehovah's Witness.