Homeschool fails ... share them here

[MyThreeSons]

When my dd was in the 3rd grade she read the name of the main public library that we had taken the light rail to visit rather than our little branch.

 

"Martin Luther King Jr. Public Library"

An aside: without reading your name, I knew where you were from. We used to take the light rail downtown to visit the library, the Children's Discovery Museum and the Tech Museum. Or sometimes, just to go downtown.

 

Here, we actually make an announcement when we see a county bus, because they are so rare. No public transportation to speak of.

[WTMCassandra]

I thought of another one.

 

Last school year, the debate topic for NCFCA was the United Nations. At the very beginning of the year, my son was all upset that we were telling a sovereign nation what to do (formulating a plan to reform the United Nations). Turns out he thought we meant the United Kingdom.  He got the United Kingdom (a country) and the United Nations (an organization) confused.

 

Guess it's a good thing we joined NCFCA partly to do better with learning current events and political science!

 

 

[Mom23Boys]

I just remembered one.  I send all my kids to a MDO program and then preschool and K at a church.  I start them at home in 1st grade.  At the end of the school last year, my 6 year old (who was finishing K) mentioned that he couldn't wait until Open House for 1st grade.  I asked what in the world he was talking about and he said, "Oh you know, where I get to go meet my teacher and find out where I sit at home."  He was very disappointed I am not hosting an Open House for him. lol

 

Oh, and I am my oldest two kids 2nd favorite teacher.  Their K teacher wins 1st place.  

 

I am 3rd favorite for my youngest - his K teacher and 4 year old preschool teacher both beat me out. 

[Janie Grace]

Yep for us it's BrainPop. Darn kid learns more from the 5 minutes she watches than from anything else!

 

My 1st grader never tells adults she's homeschooled. They all ask "oh are you going to be in kindergarten/1st/school next year". And she just says yes to whatever they say.

 

My 6yo TAKES NOTES on BrainPop so he can ace the quiz. But "real school"? Who cares?

[Halftime Hope]

It is one of the stories that will be handed down in the annals of our Youth Group that some of the older kids (juniors and seniors) were talking about a road trip to Dublin for some authentic Dr. Pepper (of the kind bottled only in Dublin) and dd, then a ninth grader and normally both bright and savvy, asked incredulously how one could drive to Dublin?

 

Turns out she wasn't quite up to speed with the older gang/impromptu road trips/hometown brew fetish, and the fact that there is a Dublin, Texas.  

 

Would that be a reverse homeschooling fail?

 

[Julie Smith]

Oh, don't get me started....ok, just one: my oldest child is an avid reader. During high school, she was on a middle ages kick...Three Musketeers etc.

 

One day I came home and my bi fold door in my kitchen was broken. I asked her what happened, and she stated that Mr. ****** was over and he was ejaculating all over the kitchen!

 

Dh and I picked our jaws off the floor and then had to be resuscitated from laughter. She thought ( at 16) that ejaculate meant to scream and wave your arms. Ooooohhhhhkay. That was a fun explanation!

 

Geographically, my kids are horribly challenged, even though we study maps with ALL of our history EVERY SINGLE YEAR!!!!

 

 

Oh, and my kids can read really well, but are pronunciationally challenged! It can be embarrassing, but we now call it speaking homeschool. LOL

 

Faithe

 

Years ago I came home from somewhere. Youngest was standing at the top of the stairs. I asked Eldest what was going on. He said, "We get (some special treat like Gramma coming). He is so gay that he is ejaculating all over the stairs".

 

Um, ... perhaps it's time for some literature from this era. :$

 

A few months ago we were talking about how Dh is going to British Columbia. Yep, it's part of Canada. 

[MyThreeSons]

This thread is definitely making me feel better about things! My DD is 5.5 and we're not even technically homeschooling yet. Some of the things she doesn't know just amazes me. I told her to go in the backyard and get something and she asked where the backyard was. We play in it everyday. Then I told her to get something that was in the bathroom sink and she asked me what a sink was.

When youngest ds was about 5yo, he was being evaluated for speech therapy. The therapist gave him a stack of picture cards, and he was supposed to say the word that was represented by each picture. I was in the room, could hear what was being said, but I couldn't see the pictures. There was one where ds announced that he had no idea what that was. The therapist had a very surprised look on her face and asked him if he was sure we didn't have one of those in our house. Ds insisted he had never seen one of those.

 

Afterwards, the therapist showed me the picture --- it was a bathtub.

[EKS]

Should we ask why he thought his middle name was Oscar?

 

It starts with the same first two sounds but deviates substantially from there.

[Miss Mousie]

Nothing if not picky.

 

Before I posted, I did a bit of Googling and the date for the end of the middle ages seemed to be set between 1400 and 1500, depending on source.  I had previously been taught that the middle ages ended with the Renaissance, so probably at a different date in each European country.  I don't think that anyone would argue against Henry VIII's court being Renaissance, however many retro jousts he staged.

 

L

 

 

People, please.  The Middle Ages ended on a Tuesday evening and the Renaissance began Wednesday morning.

 

I thought everyone knew that.

 

;)

[Guest submarines]

It's been awhile since we've had a thread of these and I figured it was about time.

 

I'll go first:

 

Today DD was sitting in the backseat reading a book while I was driving to the store. 

 

"Ooh.  How cool there's a map in the book!"

 

She turns to book sideways.

 

"It's the UK!"  Pause  "No.  It's the United States and Canada.  No.  Wait.  It's the world.  It's a world map."

 

:huh:

 

Anyone have a geography program to recommend.  My unschooling approach to geography of just doing puzzles and games with maps on them isn't working!  :laugh:

She's 8, right? I think your approach must have worked because she deciphered a small scale map within seconds and realized what it was.

 

I'm just curious what your expectations are and why would you consider this a fail?

[twoxcell]

My 5 year old dd is sure that any language that is not English is Spanish. She has told two different kids at the Y that she doesn't speak Spanish when she heard them talking to their moms. One was speaking I believe Chinese and the other Hindi. Both moms found it funny as I was feeling embarrassed. lol

[twoxcell]

 

We were at the doctor the other day and they asked my daughter if she knew her teacher yet or knew her teacher's name yet. She said no. Nice.

My kids never fail to say embarrassing things when the Doctor asks them questions.

 

Oh and I love the Henry the 8th video. :)

[Alicia64]

I read these comments to my kids -- we all loved them!

 

Alley

[AmyontheFarm]

My dd wants a meet the teacher night now.  Thanks! :)

[Sobeknofret]

This past Fourth of July, DS had to ask me what it was all about... Yeah, I forgot to teach him about Independence Day. :svengo: In my defense, we were going to get to it last year, but we really got into the Vikings and skipped the American Revolution. At least he knows that Vikings didn't really wear horned helmets... :biggrinjester:

[tabinfl]

My 6yo son learned the word 'burglar' and told all of the kids at camp this week that his mother is a burglar. :-/

 

At least he clarified that it's his birth mother & not me when the camp leader asked him about it.

 

By way of explanation:

We adopted him & his twin sister as infants, and part of explaining the situation to them is that their birth mother has been mostly homeless and in & out of jail -- nothing violent, mostly shoplifting & drugs -- and we answer the inevitable questions as honestly as we can while keeping it age appropriate. I am very careful to avoid labeling their birth parents (i.e. I don't say "He is a drug addict" or "She is a criminal") and explain only things that have happened to them or that they have done: they don't have a place to live, she stole clothes from the store because she didn't have any money, he has a grown-up problem (drugs) that makes it so he can't take care of himself very well.

 

I should be proud that he used the word correctly in context, right?

[tabinfl]

The other day, my 10yodd was being a pill during chores. I said "Oh, just clean the h*!! up!" She sarcastically asked, "But how would I get up there?" UP! She thought h*!! was UP!!!

(Clearly we are not religious.)

This brought back a funny memory of my nephew (not homeschooled, but fairly sheltered in a small-town school), at my aunt's funeral. He was around 8, raised in an agnostic household, my aunt was a devout Catholic. They walked into the church, and my nephew asked (loudly), "Why is there a big 'T' up on the wall?" followed shortly thereafter by "When do we get to open the big box?"

[Sobeknofret]

This will help: 

 

 

 

:)  Click Henry's 6 Wives

 

Rats! Between that vid and the one about Roman toilets, I just ended up buying the DVD's for our history class :hurray:

[Desert Strawberry]

I then decided to stop trying to teach my kid ... and made a paper dinosaur ($1 for a book of 10 of them at Michael's). DS named it "Dino-Mike," and *Dino-Mike* taught school for the rest of the year. Per DS, "Dino-Mike is my best friend. And the best teacher ever."

This is brilliant .

[AimeeM]

My daughter (almost 12!) asked me how to spell her middle name. It's Marie.

[Desert Strawberry]

My 10 yr old asked me why I sometime write "Lan" at the end of his name. His middle name is Ian.

I had the same kid practice writing his name every.single.day for 2 years, against his many protests. He still panics every time he has to fill out a form.

 

Until this last year, He answered all school-related questions and comments with, "Yeah. Um, we don't go to school,"  and a look of bafflement. No further explanation. 

 

 

[Laura Corin]

People, please.  The Middle Ages ended on a Tuesday evening and the Renaissance began Wednesday morning.

 

I thought everyone knew that.

 

;)

 

 

Yeah.  The Wednesday morning when Erasmus fetched up in England and visited the 8yo future Henry VIII.  It had been all dreich and medievally just the day before....

 

L

[kiwik]

Rats! Between that vid and the one about Roman toilets, I just ended up buying the DVD's for our history class :hurray:

I am going to buy them for Christmas. Ds4 thinks the Henry V111 song is hilarious and ds6 loves the roman toilets. Unfortunately they are in different series.

[Desert Strawberry]

I think you should have an Open House. Only make it REALLY cool and not be at home at all, but something like a trip, oh, ride a train, or climb a mountain and then point out that hsers can have "school" anywhere!

 

 

Oh man. Now I want an Open House. 

 

I'm thinking the week before school, I can set out all their new books, and games, and schedules.  We can talk about our goals and plans for the year. I'll serve tea and cookies.  

 

Too bad we started last week. Well, I have 50 weeks to plan :D

[twoxcell]

I'm confused they have 1 season of Horrible Histories on Netflix streaming but it doesn't seem to be the same as the one everyone here is talking about. We watched one episode and it was just a cartoon.

[aggieamy]

She's 8, right? I think your approach must have worked because she deciphered a small scale map within seconds and realized what it was.

 

I'm just curious what your expectations are and why would you consider this a fail?

 

Just turned 9 ... I guess I didn't think about that but it seemed so obvious to me that it was a world map that I didn't realize it might just be an age thing and not a knowledge thing.  Alright, maybe I'll just add a few more puzzles in.  :)

[happymomofboys]

I'm confused they have 1 season of Horrible Histories on Netflix streaming but it doesn't seem to be the same as the one everyone here is talking about. We watched one episode and it was just a cartoon.

 

The one on Netflix streaming is this one and the one that they linked earlier in the thread is this one.  They're both based on the books by Terry Deary.

[Guest]

People, I freakin' love these! :D :rofl

 

I only recently (like in the past 2 years) discovered ds (now 13) could not spell his middle name. It's freakin' William. How can you not spell William? I had to make him practice writing his full name for a month.

 

And my dd pronounced marijuana "MARY-JEW-ahnah." But like a pp said, that might not be a "fail."

[twoxcell]

 

The one on Netflix streaming is this one and the one that they linked earlier in the thread is this one.  They're both based on the books by Terry Deary.

So the second link is the better one and where do people buy them from?

[Dmmetler]

My 6yo TAKES NOTES on BrainPop so he can ace the quiz. But "real school"? Who cares?

Last year, my DD had access to BrainPop through the local school system and through Athena's Academy. When she was assigned a video for an Athena's class, she'd log in the school log in so she could do the video and see the quiz/answers so she'd get 100% when she did it for Athena's...sigh....

[Dmmetler]

My DD, after a YEAR of US history, didn't know that NY was East of California. Sigh....

[Wheres Toto]

This thread is hilarious.

My little guys learn way more watching tv - not just the "educational" stuff like Wild Kratts, Magic School Bus, etc. - but Phineas & Ferb and other regular shows too.

Like when ds decided to talk to the pastor during children's time (up in front of the entire church) about the "other Gods, like Ra and Omnimon, the Great Destroyer". From Digimon. :blushing:

 

At least before starting to attend church again, we pointed out that a cross was not a sword.  

 

 

[Corraleno]

This brought back a funny memory of my nephew (not homeschooled, but fairly sheltered in a small-town school), at my aunt's funeral. He was around 8, raised in an agnostic household, my aunt was a devout Catholic. They walked into the church, and my nephew asked (loudly), "Why is there a big 'T' up on the wall?" followed shortly thereafter by "When do we get to open the big box?"

 

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

Jackie

[redsquirrel]

The best that I got is when my kids are asked by anyone what they have been doing in school they always say 'nothing'.  If I attempted to prompt them with some examples of what they have read or done in science they look at me like I have three heads. I am pretty sure my ILs think I am lying about doing any school with them.

 

[Parrothead]

We had a tough patch in homeschooling this spring.

 

My husband, who aspires to be the peace-maker, asks Oldest DS: "What is your favorite thing about history?"

DS responds: "Liberty Kids!"

DH plunges ahead with, "Well, what is your favorite thing about science?"

DS responds: "Wild Kratts."

DH, not knowing when he's beat, asks in desperation, "OK, who is your **favorite** teacher?"

DS responds: "Carmen Sandiego!"

 

I then decided to stop trying to teach my kid ... and made a paper dinosaur ($1 for a book of 10 of them at Michael's). DS named it "Dino-Mike," and *Dino-Mike* taught school for the rest of the year. Per DS, "Dino-Mike is my best friend. And the best teacher ever."

That's right up there with dd competing with her teddy bear with timed math fact sheets. Some days the bear won. Some days she won.

[duckens]

We did no formal science this year (K/1)

 

So, whenever something amazing comes out of dd6's mouth, I ask, "Where did you learn that???"

 

"Wild Kratts"

or

"Ruff Ruffman"

 

I can only answer: "I should let you watch more tv."

[Delirium]

I can't think of a particular instance but echoing the "I learned it on t.v." mine frequently answers that she learned it from Beakman's World.

[Halcyon]

We were playing a clue type game where I give hints, starting with vague and getting more specific, and ds11 had to guess the famous/historic person i was thinking of.

 

 

My clues:

1. This person was Involved in helping slaves escape to the North

2. She returned again and again despite the dangers.

3. The movement she belonged to was called the Underground Railroad.

4. Her first name is Harriet.

 

Ds: "oh, that's soooo easy! Harriet Jones!"

 

:/ I think we might be watching too much Dr. who around here.................

[Jeannie in NJ]

We saw a Border Patrol truck in front of our neighborhood and my youngest (6) asked why that truck was here.

 

My 2nd oldest (9) said he knew why:

 

"Because before you come into our country, you have to fill out lots of paperwork and stuff, unless you are born here.  Some people sneak into the country and the Border Patrol looks for them.  They are probably looking for people from Mississippi who snuck into Louisiana."

 

Yeah, Louisiana isn't a country... 

 

 

That same child (the 9 year old) and I had this conversation the other day:

 

Me: We are eating at Nana's tonight.

 

Him: Oh yeah, isn't that for Aunt Dana's birthday?

 

Me: Yes, why don't y'all make her a card or something.

 

Him: Oh, is Aunt Dana going to be there too?

 

Me: Seriously???

 

He also once answered the question, "Where are the Phoenicians from?" with Idaho. 

this has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read

[mmeblue]

I am loving these stories!  

 

My 5 year old dd is sure that any language that is not English is Spanish. She has told two different kids at the Y that she doesn't speak Spanish when she heard them talking to their moms. One was speaking I believe Chinese and the other Hindi. Both moms found it funny as I was feeling embarrassed. lol

 

My 4-year-old and I were at a restaurant when an employee struck up a conversation with us.  After listening to the woman's very southern accent (and we are in the south!), DD turned to me with a big smile and said in a stage whisper, "Mommy, I think she is from a different country!"

[Mommyfaithe]

Not being snarky, it's just bugging me.

 

The Three Musketeers is not Middle Ages; it's set in the 17th century.

 

It'll bug me if I don't post, so please don't flame.

Homeschool fail.....lol!

[lea_lpz]

When my dd was in the 3rd grade she read the name of the main public library that we had taken the light rail to visit rather than our little branch.

 

"Martin Luther King Jr. Public Library"

 

I asked her if she knew who that was and she replied,

 

"Didn't he write Chicka, Chicka, Boom, Boom....?"

 

Oooops.

 

Amber in SJ

 

"I have a dream.....that someday there will be room at the top of the coconut tree for all God's letters...."

We live in the sj area too :)

[lea_lpz]

When my dd was in the 3rd grade she read the name of the main public library that we had taken the light rail to visit rather than our little branch.

 

"Martin Luther King Jr. Public Library"

 

I asked her if she knew who that was and she replied,

 

"Didn't he write Chicka, Chicka, Boom, Boom....?"

 

Oooops.

 

Amber in SJ

 

"I have a dream.....that someday there will be room at the top of the coconut tree for all God's letters...."

We live in the sj area too :)

[Cinder]

Great thread! I also have one who didn't know how to spell his middle name. He even went so far as to ask us to confirm what his full name really is. He was 14yo at the time.

 

Dd gets a lot of her science education from The Jeff Corwin Experience and Big Cat Diary.  :blush: 

 

 

[TechWife]

When my son was 4, we were at the pediatrician for something (I don't remember what), and the doctor asked if we had anything else we wanted to talk about & my son looked at him and said "Well, I have bones." We'd been having "skeleton school" at home w/a model a pharmaceutical rep. friend had given us.

 

When he was 8 or 9, I had taken him in because one of his toenails was coming off & it was the second time it happened w/in a short period of time. We were getting ready to go to the beach & I was hoping to avoid a trip to urgent care while we were there. After the dr. assures us that everything is fine, this is just what happens sometimes, my son looked at him and said: 

"May I immerse my foot in brine?" The doctor's mouth fell open, he looked at my son then looked at me. I had to translate - I said "He wants to know if he can go in the ocean."

 

Recently I have discovered he has told his Spanish tutor that he doesn't know the parts of speech or how to conjugate verbs. Lovely. 

 

I think I'm going to ask him to recite the months of the year in order, just in case.

 

 

[BarbecueMom]

We were playing a clue type game where I give hints, starting with vague and getting more specific, and ds11 had to guess the famous/historic person i was thinking of.

 

 

My clues:

1. This person was Involved in helping slaves escape to the North

2. She returned again and again despite the dangers.

3. The movement she belonged to was called the Underground Railroad.

4. Her first name is Harriet.

 

Ds: "oh, that's soooo easy! Harriet Jones!"

 

:/ I think we might be watching too much Dr. who around here.................

LOL!

 

Yes, we know who she is. :-)

[MyThreeSons]

We live in the sj area too :)

Not a homeschool fail, but do you remember when they made those big banners to display throughout downtown SJ, with "Welcome!" written in many different languages?

 

 

 

Only due to a little translation error, one of the words actually proclaimed "Circumcision!".

[zoobie]

Rats! Between that vid and the one about Roman toilets, I just ended up buying the DVD's for our history class :hurray:

Where did you find them? Amazon UK? Thanks! :)

[goldberry]

Just yesterday I was going through some co-op papers from last year to add to DD's portfolio (um, yeah, that would be LAST year's portfolio that I am working on right now...) 

 

At co-op they did an in depth analysis of MLK's I Have a Dream speech.  One of they assignments was after each section to write a short summary of what he was saying in simple language.  I noticed then that DD wrote, "They wanted a quality..."

 

Hmm, I wonder which one??

[mommymonster]

<-- This is Dino-Mike. He "speaks" with an accent similar to Veggie Tale's Paco the Storytelling Mule when he teaches DS. We also ended up gluing a black bean in his head for a brain (he needed to be smart to be able to teach first grade, so we figured black bean over the smaller lentil).  I use a clothespin to make his mouth open and close as he "speaks." 

 

I am so ashamed.   :blushing: