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one more modesty spin-off


Halftime Hope
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Tonight I was in target, and this cute young lady was there checking out, along with her 4yo-ish son. She was wearing a white elastic-smocked cotton sundress, with lace in between the layers of ruffle in the skirt, starting with a band of lace around her bum. There were additional lace inserts about every 8 or 9 inches down. She was wearing a bright blue racerback bra, with the cups fully covered by the white dress, but the back of the bra was uncovered. She was also wearing black undies, looked like bikinis. it didn't take much looking to see all of what she was wearing, because except for the front smocked part, the dress was quite sheer, and the lace inserts were virtually see-through. As I was walking out to my car, she was 25 feet in front of me, and she was entirely silhouetted against the setting sun. No slip, but I already knew that, just that now I could see her precise shape. So, would you have said anything (nicely) about how see-through her dress was? Under what circumstances?

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Would I have said anything? Hell no! I have to assume these people own mirrors. I am not the underwear police, except in my own home. My eldest dd even wrote an "underwear song" on her ukulele as an ode to my policing of the underwear in the house. But, I am not going to police random people in public!!

 

ETA: Are you sure it wasn't a swimsuit and coverup? Just wondering because I see stuff like that a lot here in Hawaii.

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Why would I say anything? Under the circumstances "no". It might nominate her for an episode of "What Not To Wear" but I'm not going to do the actual nominating because I'm sure I could be on that show with what I throw on some days. If I were her boss I would enforce work clothing policy. If I were her teacher I would enforce school clothing policy. If I were her mom, I would enforce our home clothing policy (which is pretty lax). If I were the police I would enforce public decency laws (if she were truly violating those which I don't think she was). I'm pretty sure there isn't a "shopping at Target clothing policy" beyond what is legally required for decency.

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Would I have said anything? Hell no! I have to assume these people own mirrors. I am not the underwear police, except in my own home. My eldest dd even wrote an "underwear song" on her ukulele as an ode to my policing of the underwear in the house. But, I am not going to police random people in public!!

 

ETA: Are you sure it wasn't a swimsuit and coverup? Just wondering because I see stuff like that a lot here in Hawaii.

 

 

There's a song? How much underwear policing is going on at your house? I can't think of a single underwear incident I've had to manage, and my son tends to have an incident for everything.

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There's a song? How much underwear policing is going on at your house? I can't think of a single underwear incident I've had to manage, and my son tends to have an incident for everything.

 

 

I have some who hate certain forms of underwear or another. ;) There is no crazy Paris Hilton thing, just to clarify.

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The only time I would ever say (and have ever said) anything to a stranger about her clothes is if she'd tucked the back of her skirt into her underwear/panyhose or her zipper was down, both of which I could pretty confidently assume were unintentional. Oh, and I once discretely mentioned to an acquaintance that her shirt was inside out, because I knew she had poor eyesight and had probably dressed in the dark.

 

Otherwise? Not. My. Business.

 

Jackie

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The only time I would ever (and have ever) said anything to a stranger about her clothes is if she'd tucked the back of her skirt into her underwear/panyhose or her zipper was down, both of which I could pretty confidently assume were unintentional. Oh, and I once discretely mentioned to an acquaintance that her shirt was inside out, because I knew she had poor eyesight and had probably dressed in the dark.

 

 

I often tell people when their tags are sticking out of the back of their top and offer to tuck them back in. But, that isn't really commentary on their attire.

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It sounds totally like a swimsuit and coverup. Blue and black are a common 2pc suit pairing and most women don't choose black undies with a white dress.

 

I would never say anything to someone unless there was a clear wardrobe malfunction going on. Like a skirt caught in someone's panties or tights. Not like that's ever happened to me or anything. :o Or a price tag still attached or something.

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Pretty darn sure it was a bra. (Thin straps leading into the racer back, and clear plastic hardware connectors, small ones, there.) I stood right behind her as she checked out. <P> I, too, wondered at first if it might be a swimsuit cover up, but it truly didn't appear to be a swimsuit on the top at least. <P> If she were a young lady I knew very well, I might have said something about the usefulness of a half-slip. To me, see through skirts are a "why didn't anyone tell me" kind of a wardrobe malfunction. Since she was a stranger, I didn't have a relational basis for saying anything.

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NOT appropriate for me to say anything. Wouldn't be on my radar to say anything.

 

Like Jean, she might be a candidate for what not to wear. On the other hand, if this were a store close to one the state parks along Lake Huron, then I'd assume it was a cover up and she had just dashed out from the beach to pick up snacks or whatever she needed. A lacey over thing like that would be a cover up option here.

 

Faith

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Pretty darn sure it was a bra. (Thin straps leading into the racer back, and clear plastic hardware connectors, small ones, there.) I stood right behind her as she checked out. <P> I, too, wondered at first if it might be a swimsuit cover up, but it truly didn't appear to be a swimsuit on the top at least. <P> If she were a young lady I knew very well, I might have said something about the usefulness of a half-slip. To me, see through skirts are a "why didn't anyone tell me" kind of a wardrobe malfunction. Since she was a stranger, I didn't have a relational basis for saying anything.

 

 

 

That still sounds like a swimsuit top. Quite a bit have clear plastic hardware now.

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What regular clothing is made with cutouts on your rear-end? This sounds like an average woman (young mother-type) who is wearing a swim cover-up over a swimsuit. Unless she was high when she got dressed, if that were regular clothing that was meant to not be see-through, there is no way that you can honestly think she didn't know & this is some wardrobe malfunction.

 

No offense, OP, but this kind of hyper-focus on what other people are wearing with judgements attached really rubs me the wrong way. Gently, please mind your own business.

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Would I have said anything? Hell no! I have to assume these people own mirrors. I am not the underwear police, except in my own home. My eldest dd even wrote an "underwear song" on her ukulele as an ode to my policing of the underwear in the house. But, I am not going to police random people in public!!

 

ETA: Are you sure it wasn't a swimsuit and coverup? Just wondering because I see stuff like that a lot here in Hawaii.

 

 

 

 

I love this. We have a house where everything turns into a ukelele song too. :lol:

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I agree with those who think it might be a swimsuit and cover-up. IME older women prefer more coverage with their cover-ups but younger women prefer a lighter dress, just enough to meet the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" requirement.

 

This just reminded me of when I was a kid and went to a Michael Jackson concert. There was a woman in line whose dress was like a macrame fishing net. There was no lace or slip or anything else. Just bra/underwear and the net dress. The holes in the net were large, probably about 2" across. I remember everyone just stopped talking and stared. And this was in HI where most people run around half naked all the time. I don't know that anyone would have batted an eye if she'd been wearing a swimsuit underneath but this was definitely lingerie and just out of the norm for the time.

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I think most women know that light can shine through their dress and that slips are an option. By your description, the whole see-through thing was quite obvious. I think it's highly unlikely that she was unaware.

Like others, I wouldn't say anything about dress to a stranger unless I thought there was a malfunction they didn't know about. I wouldn't count light shining through a dress as a malfunction.

I think that what you did (say nothing) was ultimately the right thing to do.

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I could start one about high healed shoes. Like the women I see walking around in these super mega high heals and they can barely walk in them. They look like a baby giraffe walking for the first time and over hot coals. To each their own, but not my thing!

 

My niece does this! I'm certain she's going to have ankle and foot problems later, maybe even back pain. Not my place to say a word, but her mother once told her she looked like a newborn giraffe!

 

Faith

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No, I wouldn't have said anything either. I think that how people dress is their own business (except for my own kids, whom I have a responsibility to educate about such things). I have been known to discreetly point out an obvious wardrobe malfunction or two, like someone with a big tag hanging out the back of their shirt or a piece of toilet paper that was clinging to the back of a skirt, but only because I thought the person would want to know to spare them embarrassment. Under the circumstances described I'd probably assume it was a swimsuit and cover-up, but even if it was obviously a dress and bra, some girls dress that way these days, and I don't really see how someone would just not realize that the entire racer back of their bra was visible (that's not just accidental neckline slippage), so I would assume it was an intentional fashion statement and mind my own business.

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I'm pretty sure that a stranger approaching someone on the street to advise them on the modesty of their clothing choices ( or anything else for that matter) has never illicited any response other than disgust, offense, and irritation. As homeschoolers we are all familiar enough with the "helpful" busybody that we should know better than inflicting that on other people. Just my two cents.

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I'm pretty sure that a stranger approaching someone on the street to advise them on the modesty of their clothing choices ( or anything else for that matter) has never illicited any response other than disgust, offense, and irritation. As homeschoolers we are all familiar enough with the "helpful" busybody that we should know better than inflicting that on other people. Just my two cents.

 

So very, very true! I despise busybodies who think they have a right to lecture me about their opinion of homeschooling while I'm in line at the check-out. What gives me the right to lecture someone else in public about any topic...maybe, just maybe public safety, such as "I just nearly killed myself preventing your child from being run over by a car. Please be careful with him in parking lots." But, really apart from something that extreme and scary, I can't imagine how it is appropriate for me to walk up to strangers and begin imparting my opinions to them.

 

Faith

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From what you described, I would guess it was a swimsuit cover-up. Even if it wasn't, no way in hell would I say anything to her. She is an adult woman, she most likely owns a mirror, and she wasn't breaking any law.

 

If someone said something to her about her dress, they would be the one out of line.

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Would I have said anything? Hell no! I have to assume these people own mirrors. I am not the underwear police, except in my own home. My eldest dd even wrote an "underwear song" on her ukulele as an ode to my policing of the underwear in the house. But, I am not going to police random people in public!!

ETA: Are you sure it wasn't a swimsuit and coverup? Just wondering because I see stuff like that a lot here in Hawaii.

 

Lol! I agree, probably a swimsuit. And if it wasn't, who cares? Fwiw, I've accidently gone out with bright undies showing through on accident. The lighting in my house is weird or something, because I could've sworn before leaving they couldn't be seen...

What.Does.it.Even.Matter? Seriously? How does this affect you in going about your day to day life? Concentrate on your errand and move along.

 

Exactly.

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See I always thought there was something wrong with me. I see women wearing these shoes and I don't know how they do it. I have tried them in the past and they hurt my feet so bad I couldn't walk in them. On the news the other day they were talking about these crazy shoes and interviewing women about it. Every single one of them said they kill their feet (although many continued wearing them anyway). Ugh... But at least I now know they really do hurt!

 

 

Fashion hurts.

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I would NEVER say anything to a stranger. Let your freak flag fly if that's your thing.

 

It sound like this was thrown over a bathing suit. More power to her for being able to rock that or at least having the confidence to rock it.

 

The last thing I want to be seen as is the crazy judgmental parking lot lady.

 

That being said, I may laugh at you. But I'll laugh at camel toe, crazy nails, crazy hair, extreme butt crackisms and on and on... People are weird and fun and sometimes offensive. Look away if you are disturbed. Frankly, I'd rather see bikini lady than the floor length denim jumper whacko any day of the week. :laugh:

 

I cannot even imagine having such poor manners that you'd walk up to a stranger and criticize them.

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I'm curious as to what that would look like. What would you have liked to have said?

 

Me, too. Actually, I'm more curious as to what the young lady would have said in response. Because I know what *I* would say if someone commented on what I was wearing as immodest, and, well, I'm really pretty blunt, especially when taken off guard.

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So, would you have said anything (nicely) about how see-through her dress was? Under what circumstances?

 

 

I'm sorry but why in the world do you think or feel like you should or even have the right to say anything to her? I find that level of self righteousness to be mind baffling. Truly.

 

For all you know she could have been wearing a bikini and the dress was a swim suit coverup. I happened to walk into a store to buy a hat while wearing my bikini and a t-shirt but no shorts over my bikini bottoms. Why? No one's business. I can only imagine if some woman had said something to me. I can guarantee she would have learned not to try and encroach her modesty standards on others.

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"Since she was a stranger, I didn't have a relational basis for saying anything." Quoting my own post from up above. Some of you that are assuming that I would have said something, and who are calling me judgmental, chill, OK? Seriously! I did not "think or feel that I should say anything, nor that I had the right to say something," to quote someone upthread. <Paragraph break> You all have been talking about modesty out the wazzoo, so I simply asked a question here as a way to educate myself and keep up with the way(s) society is changing, both in what people wear under different circumstances, and in what is normal (or not) for how people react to it. <P> The DFW area is not a "coastal" area, and revealing beach clothing (if we are assuming that what it was) is not the norm, so this was unusual. In a similar vein, I've never once seen a "people of Walmart" candidate at either of the two local Walmarts. <P> If I did say something to a young lady or man whom I knew very well (someone like an "adopted" daughter or a son) it would be when the chosen dress was clearly inappropriate for the venue, such as wearing something like a see through dress to a work place or to visit old folks in a nursing home. When I have sponsored nursing home visits, I have made the dress code (guys and gals) known ahead of time to prevent mix-ups. In that case, it's about respecting the typical boundaries that an elderly person would have in mind for appropriate social wear. I have also reminded kids about known dress code in homeschool situations. <P> Thank you for your input, those who offered explanations to help me think it through. (Twigs, Jean, and many others.) I found you comments very helpful.

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OP, whether I said something would depend on the vibe I got from her during checkout. Some people seem approachable, others .... not so much. If I did, I'd say just what I saw: "Your dress is lovely! I didn't know if you realized but it's completely sheer in the sunlight. I don't know if that's on purpose, but just in case it wasn't .. I wanted you to know. I'd want to know if it were me!" And I wouldn't be up in her face as I said it. I'd say it in quick passing.

 

Someone once told me my dress was a bit sheer, and I appreciated it. I didn't realize how sheer it was in daylight.

 

But then again, I'm not one to be offended or to assume the worst about someone's intentions. I either agree and say thanks for the heads up, or I disagree privately and just tell them thanks for bringing it to my attention. I'd rather someone err on the side of looking out for me, than to let me walk around not realizing. I don't have to read anything further into it, be that a judgement, nosiness, or the fashion police.

 

I come from a culture where people look out for each other in that way. And even if we disagree, we generally appreciate that someone is looking out. I can see how someone might view this as a wardrobe malfunction. Yes, I own a mirror, but sometimes what looks okay at home indoors will look differently in broad daylight. I've seen it with celebrities, too, who have paid professionals dressing them LOL. It happens.

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OP, whether I said something would depend on the vibe I got from her during checkout. Some people seem approachable, others .... not so much. If I did, I'd say just what I saw: "Your dress is lovely! I didn't know if you realized but it's completely sheer in the sunlight. I don't know if that's on purpose, but just in case it wasn't .. I wanted you to know. I'd want to know if it were me!" And I wouldn't be up in her face as I said it. I'd say it in quick passing.

 

Someone once told me my dress was a bit sheer, and I appreciated it. I didn't realize how sheer it was in daylight.

 

But then again, I'm not one to be offended or to assume the worst about someone's intentions. I either agree and say thanks for the heads up, or I disagree privately and just tell them thanks for bringing it to my attention. I'd rather someone err on the side of looking out for me, than to let me walk around not realizing. I don't have to read anything further into it, be that a judgement, nosiness, or the fashion police.

 

I come from a culture where people look out for each other in that way. And even if we disagree, we generally appreciate that someone is looking out. I can see how someone might view this as a wardrobe malfunction. Yes, I own a mirror, but sometimes what looks okay at home indoors will look differently in broad daylight. I've seen it with celebrities, too, who have paid professionals dressing them LOL. It happens.

 

Tita, thanks, I like the way you stated that so casually and with care. Thanks for modeling.
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I hate Walmart. Sometimes I have to go (and when I mean have, I mean that there is no other option), and one of my most favorite things to do at WM is people -watch.

 

I myself dress a bit modestly (although my dds think I sometimes show too much boobage. To that I say, "Those of you without boobs have no idea what those of us with boobs have to manage, so zip it.") I do not care if others don't dress 'modestly'.

 

I seriously do not care if my dh finds other women attractive. He comes home to me. He doesn't care if I find other men attractive; I come home to him. If my male offspring find women in bikinis attractive, so be it. If they find women in denim jumpers attractive (please, goddess, no, that seems too creepy), so be it. It's not like they are going to pounce on someone, for cripes sake.

 

Wear what you want. Leave others be. Truly. This modestly BS is ridiculous. Cover if you want, don't cover if you don't. If you're married to a man, or have a son who is going to go crazy seeing a woman with a bit a cleavage, I feel for you.

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It sounds totally like a swimsuit and coverup. Blue and black are a common 2pc suit pairing and most women don't choose black undies with a white dress.

 

I would never say anything to someone unless there was a clear wardrobe malfunction going on. Like a skirt caught in someone's panties or tights. Not like that's ever happened to me or anything. :o Or a price tag still attached or something.

 

 

You clearly don't live around here then. I see women all the time out in public wearing white (or another light color) with all kinds of colored underclothes under it. You can see everything. It isn't uncommon at all to see a woman with a white dress on and a black bra under it.

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You clearly don't live around here then. I see women all the time out in public wearing white (or another light color) with all kinds of colored underclothes under it. You can see everything. It isn't uncommon at all to see a woman with a white dress on and a black bra under it.

 

 

We PNW women like our clothing opaque and in gortex.

 

Though I may not see it as much as it is there because I don't go out of my way to stare or commit it to memory. If something doesn't need to be my problem, I avoid making it my problem.

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We PNW women like our clothing opaque and in gortex.

 

Though I may not see it as much as it is there because I don't go out of my way to stare or commit it to memory. If something doesn't need to be my problem, I avoid making it my problem.

 

 

 

I don't have to stare to see it. If the female in front of me in line at the store is wearing a thin white shirt with a bright pink bra under it, it is hard not to notice it.

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