Do your kids have to...

[jenniferp8]

ask before they help themselves to food/snacks between meals? I have one ds 14 (the oldest) who helps himself to things out of my store room (where we keep a lot of food storage) and pantry when I don't know about it. It bothers me and I've talked to him about it but he doesn't see it as stealing because it's family food. We have 6 kids and it seems we have to ration things anyway just so everyone gets some so it isn't fair to everyone else either. In some ways I feel like a control freak that everyone has to ask permission for every little thing but I don't like things being gone either when I go to get/use them later. What do you do at your house?

[MicheleinMN]

I used to have 6 children at home, now I'm down to only 4, but yes, they have to ask permission for food/snacks. The other way we deal with it is that each person gets a certain number of something. For example: I buy 12 oranges and the children are told that they may have 2 without asking permission, after that they need to ask because they are actually eating my oranges or those I purchased for their father. Sometimes (often) dh and I are more than willing to let a child have an extra piece if we can. We always know how many slices of cake per person, etc. It would irritate me a great deal to have one child helping him/her-self to food and not checking to see if it was okay. (And there is NO way my food budget would allow my teen boys to just eat whatever they felt like.)

[MicheleinMN]

Double post

[IrishMum]

Yes, mine ask. Always have, always will. I don't want them eating between meals anyway. My oldest 14, in a week, asks and excepts a yes and no equally, most of the time. :lol:

If they took food with out my ok I wouldn't see it as stealing, but I would see it as disrespectful. I am very controlling, and people often say I run my house like a military school, so you might want disregard what I do. :laugh:

[AimeeM]

No. We have an open kitchen policy regarding our children (and their friends). Thus far, nobody has ever made a fuss about something not being divided equally. The children help themselves to snacks from both the snack cabinet, the fresh fruit on the counters, and/or any food in the fridge.

[Arcadia]

I only have two kids so I have not had to ration food. However they get to eat whatever there is on the countertops (cereal, bread, snacks) and ask for whatever is in the pantry or refrigerator. Milk in the refrigerator is free flow and they let me know if milk is running out. That way I won't run out of ingredients for food prep unknowingly.

[EKS]

Yes, they need to ask here. It has nothing to do with things being divided equally. It allows me to make sure that things that aren't supposed to be eaten aren't. It also helps me keep tabs on how much of what is left.

[Joker]

I only have two and they had to ask when they were younger. Now, at 10 and 13, they don't have to ask. If we run out of something, the store is only 1.5 miles down the road.

[Lilaclady]

For us they need to ask so that I know if it is food we wil be using and I don't want to run out off. They are usually able to have as much fruits as they want but I do ration the sweets and the snacks.

[Kelly1730]

My youngest two at home are 11 and they always ask before getting something. When the big kids were at home I stored things I didn't want them eating (like snacks bought for a certain event or items I needed for a specific recipe) in plastic store bags. They knew those were off limits but they were allowed to help themselves to other things. I don't remember anyone being particularly greedy. I understand the need to parcel things out when you have a larger family. I don't think you should feel badly about doing it.

[Wheres Toto]

Mine don't have to ask but it's really only an issue with my youngest. She would eat all day long given the choice. We set up a drawer in the fridge and a bowl in the pantry that holds the things she's allowed to have. It's not so much to restrict her from taking things I need, since she's not exactly cooking up some eggs or anything like that. It's so she doesn't eat 5 granola bars in an hour, or other things that may irritate her stomach.

[AnIslandGirl]

If you want something, it's yours for the taking (granted we typically only have healthy options available). I don't ever feel the need regulate food.

[Pawz4me]

Unless I specify that something isn't to be eaten (i.e., I need it for use in a recipe), then all food is for anyone who wants it, whenever they want it.

[Murphy101]

Yes. Tho I rarely say no.

[Slartibartfast]

I keep a snack drawer in the fridge that they can eat from unregulated. It has things like cheese, yogurt, veggies, hummus, and fruit. They are not allowed to just feast on anything in the house. Some things are intended for meals.

[Alira]

No, my kids don't have to ask to have a snack. If they think I might be saving something, they'll ask, but I sticky-note anything important. We keep a running grocery list, so whoever eats the last of something writes it on the list.

[justamouse]

They ask sometimes because sometimes it's an ingredient. Otherwise I just say yes, and have an open kitchen policy.

 

14 yo boys need a LOT of calories.

[SorrelZG]

Mine have to ask. If they didn't we'd have more health problems than we already have.

[Ellie]

We didn't have that issue, but what strikes me about your comments is that you think of it as "stealing." ITA with your son, that it's family food and therefore cannot be "stolen."

 

However, since you have looked him in the eyeball and told him not to do it (and I don't blame you for that; keeping a food pantry is a good thing), he is being disobedient, which is at least as big a crime as stealing. I'd approach it from that angle.

[Koerarmoca]

Yes, we require the kids to ask. With 11 and one diabetic (type 1) we kinda have to monitor things.

 

16 year old just doesn't care for this reason we have the "parent shelf" so anything I don't want him to have free reign on goes on it. He at least respects that rule.

[Corraleno]

My kids don't have to ask for food, but then I cook most things from scratch, so we don't have boxes of cookies or cereal or other snack foods anyway. If they're hungry between meals they can have fruit or vegies with PB, humus, or cheese, or they can make a smoothie or a bagel or even a sandwich. I have a 6'3" 14 yr old who's skinny as a rail and gets several hrs/day of exercise, so I encourage him to eat as much as he can!

 

Jackie

[weederberries]

We have a veggie and cheese bin in the fridge, as well as a fruit bowl that the children are allowed to "raid" anytime they like. I have put limits on these when I started finding food stuff upstairs, where it is not allowed. For a time, I require permission. Like a previous poster, though, they never stop eating, so I have to make sure that these options are healthy. Everything else requires permission. Whenever we have something around like cake or cookies, it has to go into the pantry, which has a keyed lock. The lock keeps out the children, but it is mainly for the dog, who can open doors (yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds). My children will consume an entire cake in one sitting if left to their own devices, so items that are inappropriate for "snacking" are off limits. I can designate items as ingredients and they will leave them alone, usually.

 

If our budget required a tighter rationing of reasonable snacks, I would have different rules in place. As it is, we are able to refill the fruit bowl and veggie bin every other day, without detriment. If I had snackable food stores, those would most definitely be off limits.

 

My kids are saving for a new video game system in a jar. We contribute to the jar weekly, but when they eat something they aren't supposed to (i.e. a entire bag of chocolate chips), we require they pay to replace them from the savings jar. If taking food designated for other things is a problem for your son, he can be asked to replace them from his own funds.

 

My personal philosophy is that a 14 yo boy should have enough self-control, responsibility and independence to choose his snacks within the boundaries of the family rules. No one eats the food stores, no one may consume inordinate amounts of any food, and one must notify the list maker when an item is in short supply. If you can place some reasonable boundaries, a teen should be given authority over his snacks.

[kiwik]

Yes but they are 3 and 6. When they are older we may have to change a bit but we have a limited budget and I have limited time so I can't have them eating everything while I am not looking.

[Mom0012]

I've never told my kids they have to ask, but they do, and I appreciate that. I don't keep much around in the way of snacks, but there are certain things I try to have on hand that they can have unlimited access to -- bananas, cheese sticks, Chex cereal. I think one of the reasons it hasn't been an issue is that my son has quite a few food allergies, so I'm pretty limited in what I keep in the house. They both get tons of sugary treats at Halloween, Christmas and Easter and it is interesting to see that my son eats all of his within a few days, whereas my dd rations hers out so that it practically lasts her the whole year.

 

My son is also on the swim team and I give him cash so he can get his sugar fix after swimming.

 

My husband is the one who will eat things that I am planning on using for meals if I don't tell him ahead of time what my plans are.

[trudence1]

Yes. Our food budget doesn't allow for unlimited snacking. There are somethings in the house that they know they can have so many per day without asking, but for most things they must receive permission.

[boscopup]

My kids ask, but my oldest is 8.

 

I only go to the grocery store once a week, and if I buy a bag of apples and they eat it in two days, we have no more apples until next week. My kids LOVE fruit and would eat it all day if allowed. I actually had to ban snacking because they would eat healthy snacks all day, then not eat dinner.

 

When they're high school age, I expect them to be able to self-regulate more. Or if we run out, THEY can drive to town for groceries. :lol:

 

 

[SorrelZG]

My son ate something in the range of fifteen bananas at a recent wedding. Being able to self moderate and being able and inclined to peel one's own apples (needed here due to pesticides), etc. would enable me to be a little more lenient. There is still the budget and the reality that some things are super expensive and/or not easily obtained so they are not "family" food but individual rations.

[IrishMum]

 

Yeah oddly my kids ask even though I never told them to. I kinda wish they wouldn't ask me sometimes.

LOL!

Yeah, I never told mine either. They don't ask much, maybe once a week. Because they eat such great big meals, they are rarely hungry between meals. I also don't buy any packaged good, like bread, cakes, treats, so if they do snack it's fruit or cook something up.

[angelmama1209]

yes, we have "food times"- breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. otherwise they would snack all. day. and not eat their meals. we do have a snack box in the pantry and a snack drawer if the fridge so they choose what they want from there and there are no worries about easting something i'm saving for a meal. if they're truly hungry in between times, they are free to have an apple, grapes, carrots- any fruit or veggie we currently have.

[AStableBeginning]

Yes mine ask. It helps me keep track of what we have left and with what they are eating. Especially for two of my girls who have a high metabolism.

[teachermom2834]

My little ones ask but it seems as they get older it has become unnecessary. The older guys (12 and 14) seem to have caught on to what is okay and what isn't as far as snacking. It must be the result of all those years of getting consistent answers when they asked about particular foods or foods stored in a particular location. Once in a while I will have to point out that something was meant to be shared or I might have needed something for cooking. I'm willing to deal with this once in a while if it means they can have some freedom in snacking and I don't have to constantly monitor. If it was an issue, I certainly would feel comfortable monitoring but it sure is nice not to have my big guys have to ask about everything. We haven't had formal rules about this. It has just developed this way over time.

 

When I have had to point out snacking I wouldn't have approved it is a respect issue. It boils down to "that was for everyone", "your brother didn't get any", or "now I have to run to the store and spend money when that wasn't in my plans".

 

If it was really an issue I think I would go with the accessible snacks in a certain location or certain "free snacks" they did not have to ask about. I have so much to worry about and monitor I really like to not have to be so vigilant about restricting snacks.

[elegantlion]

No, he doesn't have to ask. If it's an issue, I would probably create an open section in the pantry or fridge. 14 year old kids are hungry at the oddest times (like 5 minutes after a huge healthy meal). My ds is in another growth spurt and I swear he could eat all day and he's skinny.

[Tarreymere]

We have a tight budget. Anything I buy or make that is for snacking goes in a particular place in the kitchen, but the kids still have to ask before having any. That rule is to make sure everyone has a chance to have some. If it isn't in the snack place don't bother to even ask.

 

With all of my kids, I've had some that 'helped themselves' to something that was intended to be dinner for everyone, and I've had kids that would invite a couple of friends over and pretty much eat everything in the house. We just don't have the income to buy that much food and have it on hand like that.

 

We simply cannot afford to have the kids (and their friends) rummaging around in the kitchen and helping themselves. It would literally mean we would not have enough food to make it to the next paycheck. We do have some emergency backup foods, like bulk rice and beans, but the kids don't think ahead to how much they would not like to have to eat plain rice and beans for several days until dh got paid again.

[I.Dup.]

I know this can be a hot topic, but for my family my kitchen is not a free for all. We serve 3 good meals and usually 2 snacks per day. When they are adults they can plan and make their own meals and eat whenever they want (and buy their own food) but until then we have things set up this way.

[ocelotmom]

Yes. DS will eat at least a carrot an hour if left to his own devices, and I don't want him turning orange.

[Luanne]

We had to ask when we were children and my daughter did as well. I can see where it isn't as much of an issue if you have the money to feed your children constantly then that is ok. My parents didn't have that luxury and neither did I. It isn't a case of not wanting her to eat whenever she wanted to, but lack of money to buy more food when that ran out.

[lillybell]

I grew up in a home where we never had to ask. We were a family of 5 kids and my parent's policy on food was, it belongs to everyone. So we just ate and there were never any fights in our house over what belongs to who. In fact, we would share more often with each other or when I thought about eating the last of something, I would think twice and think my younger brother would like it more than me. Now as a mom myself, our home is different and my kids have to ask on certain items. They can go snack on most everything except things like soda and junk food. I try not to keep it in the house but sometimes it does end up in my home like after parties. I buy soda for family gatherings because they drink soda and when we have leftover soda, my girls want to go drink them all up since we only have water and orange juice in the house. My dh though has set a rule on sodas. If they are in the fridge, they are not to be touched until we have a movie night. Then they are allowed to drink one. My girls do fight over snacks though. If there is only 1 left, they will fight over who gets it.

[ocelotmom]

We didn't have that issue, but what strikes me about your comments is that you think of it as "stealing." ITA with your son, that it's family food and therefore cannot be "stolen."

 

However, since you have looked him in the eyeball and told him not to do it (and I don't blame you for that; keeping a food pantry is a good thing), he is being disobedient, which is at least as big a crime as stealing. I'd approach it from that angle.

 

Sure it's stealing. If the money in my wallet is earmarked for family things, it doesn't mean the kids have free reign to come take what they want because it's "family money". A kid might truly need money for new shoes (as a teenager is going to truly need a bigger share of the food) - that doesn't mean they can just take $200 and to buy a name-brand pair (or just take their choice of food without consideration for cost, amount available, nutrition, etc.). Unless you're getting it in unlimited quantities for free, food is money.

 

I wouldn't expect a kid to automatically see that, but I'd expect them to understand and respect it once it's explained.

[Koerarmoca]

For those who give your kids "free reign" do you set any limits at all?

 

For example I let my kids have a afternoon snack around 1:45 because dinner is at 5p.

So I don't allow snacking past 2p. I have had issues with the 4 year olds not eating dinner because they had a late snack and didn't want to eat so I had to make that rule.

 

I also don't allow snacking after 7pm (not only is it bad eating habits but usually means I have to clean the kitchen again lol)

 

 

[Joker]

For those who give your kids "free reign" do you set any limits at all?

 

For example I let my kids have a afternoon snack around 1:45 because dinner is at 5p.

So I don't allow snacking past 2p. I have had issues with the 4 year olds not eating dinner because they had a late snack and didn't want to eat so I had to make that rule.

 

I also don't allow snacking after 7pm (not only is it bad eating habits but usually means I have to clean the kitchen again lol)

 

 

I haven't really had to set limits. Sometimes they are hungry close to dinner and are welcome to fix a salad or munch on veggies. Those things are always a part of dinner anyway and I don't have a problem with them eating it before we all sit down. They still usually eat well at dinner and if not it's because they filled up on salad, and I'm ok with that.

 

They also usually have a late snack around 8:30pm. It's usually eggs or cheese. We even have a lot of what many would consider total junk food, but dds don't seem to be to drawn to it. A little bit ago I saw youngest open the pantry and look at the chips, her leftover bag of M&Ms, and goldfish crackers. Yet, she walked to the fridge and grabbed an apple. They're tall, skinny, and healthy and I really don't even think about it anymore since they seem to do well with when and what they'll eat on their own.

[AimeeM]

For those who give your kids "free reign" do you set any limits at all?

 

For example I let my kids have a afternoon snack around 1:45 because dinner is at 5p.

So I don't allow snacking past 2p. I have had issues with the 4 year olds not eating dinner because they had a late snack and didn't want to eat so I had to make that rule.

 

I also don't allow snacking after 7pm (not only is it bad eating habits but usually means I have to clean the kitchen again lol)

 

Not really. If and when we do, it's on an individual basis.

DD11 has a no snacking after 10 pm policy - only because she gets an upset stomach if she snacks past that point (the medication she takes during the day makes sleeping difficult for her at night so she will often grab a snack and settle in to to watch some television or play on her ipad).

[AimeeM]

I haven't really had to set limits. Sometimes they are hungry close to dinner and are welcome to fix a salad or munch on veggies. Those things are always a part of dinner anyway and I don't have a problem with them eating it before we all sit down. They still usually eat well at dinner and if not it's because they filled up on salad, and I'm ok with that.

 

They also usually have a late snack around 8:30pm. It's usually eggs or cheese. We even have a lot of what many would consider total junk food, but dds don't seem to be to drawn to it. A little bit ago I saw youngest open the pantry and look at the chips, her leftover bag of M&Ms, and goldfish crackers. Yet, she walked to the fridge and grabbed an apple. They're tall, skinny, and healthy and I really don't even think about it anymore since they seem to do well with when and what they'll eat on their own.

 

Same here. We have a snack cabinet generally stocked with chips, cookies, crackers, and other goodies, but I haven't yet had an issue with a child over indulging in those items.

DD11 prefers salads or raw veggies with dip, apples or other fruit from the counter; she also enjoys the occasional ice cream and has a love of chips, but she's more likely to grab something crisp, cold/cool, and fresh. I did notice that she finished the last of the chocolate cake at some point last night though, lol :D.

DS4's "go-to" is cheerios. He enjoys his Reese cups, but his absolute favorite is either cheerios or he'll ask me to make some chicken (he isn't a fruit kind of guy).

Both of my older two are very small children. My third is too young to tell, lol.

[Pawz4me]

For those who give your kids "free reign" do you set any limits at all?

 

No limits at all here. Now I don't remember, maybe when my kids were very little I had to remind them to not eat too close to meal time, but I don't remember having to do it.

 

I want my kids to learn to self-regulate, and I don't see how they can possibly do that if someone else governs their food intake, tells them what they can or can't eat and when they can or can't eat. I'm not the same level of hungry every single day. It depends on how much physical work/exercise I'm doing and how I'm feeling in general. Some days I'm starving all day long and can't get enough to eat; some days I'm just not hungry and don't want much to eat at all. I try to respect my body's signals. I want my kids to learn to do that. There is absolutely no way on earth that I can possibly know how hungry (or not) someone else is. I simply can't have that knowledge.

 

The very idea of kids having to ask permission to eat is strange to me. I'm 50 years old and I'd never in my life heard of such a concept until I came to this board a few months ago. I know nobody in my extended family has ever been raised that way. Maybe some of my friends growing up were, but if so I never realized it when visiting their houses.

 

Having said that, I do understand if budgeting is an issue, or in the case of a child who truly can't seem to self-regulate in a healthy manner.

 

Clean-up has never been an issue. I try to keep relatively healthful, easy-to-grab snacks available. We always have grapes, apples, bananas, yogurt, protein bars, granola bars, string cheese, etc.

[Koerarmoca]

I think different factors plan in such as family size, medical concerns, behaviors etc.

 

For example we have one diabetic child in the home, one child with GP & CVS, one with behavior/mental health issues.

 

So if Diabetic child wants a snack she needs a shot, if GP/CVS child eats too much or the wrong thing she gets very sick, if behavior/mental health child gets the wrong food/snack given to him it's melt downs and messes (yes he will throw food)

 

Then we have the monkey see monkey do 4 year olds. One of them started a trend of "I don't like this" to get out of eating healthy dinners and then given a snack. (Which I put a big old stop to that quickly)

 

In our situation I just have to be the snack police, carb police, sugar police...etc.

 

 

[texasmama]

Mine do not, but if I felt that one person was eating up so much food that the others were going without, I would institute a policy of asking. I set some limits on sweets, and I plan three meals a day to include plenty of healthy foods (fruits and veggies) so they do not snack endlessly on carby junk. I limit the amount of crackers/chips I have in the house because I have learned that those get inhaled if I don't.

[weederberries]

For those who give your kids "free reign" do you set any limits at all?

 

 

Of course. The limits are on what they eat, where they eat, and indirectly on when they eat.

 

They can choose a healthy snack from the three designated spots. The fruit bowl, the fruit and veggie bin in the fridge or cheese and boiled egg tray. We only have water (milk is for meals, but I guess they've never thought to "snack" on milk). If there are less healthy options in the house, they know to ask (more like beg). Our food limitations stem from the messes they make. Their freedom to choose a snack means that sometimes I find a string cheese wrapper in the toy box, banana stickers on the couch cushions, or the worst: empty yogurt container behind the books on the shelf. Unacceptable! They lose the freedom to serve themselves a snack when this happens and I dole out the food only when they are sitting at the table (the only appropriate snack location in our house).

 

My children can eat a 3 course meal, then turn around and eat again 20 minutes later, so I don't worry about spoiling dinner. I often put a tray of veggies out on the table to stave off the whining while I'm cooking dinner. "Is it ready yeeeeeeet? What are we haaaaaaaving?" It's never happened, but if they spoiled their dinner on carrots and bell peppers, I wouldn't be upset.

 

Our daily schedule naturally limits the times when they eat. They eat breakfast before school and we grab a quick snack during our break. Lunch is served when school is over and then we have some sort of activity or go to the park. They eat a snack when we return. They start whining about food at 5pm, which is when the veggies go out because we often don't eat dinner until 7pm. Bedtime follows shortly. I'm thinking of taking some crunchy veggie snacks upstairs to the school room to stimulate their brains while we study instead of snacking during our break. It goes against my instincts because of the messes they make when they eat.

 

If we have a lazy day, a rainy day when boredom sets in, they want to eat more frequently. They are also more prone to ask for snacks if there is something unhealthy around. I can't tell if it is because the unhealthy snacks are less satisfying and they need to eat again more quickly or if they just like the idea of eating something prepackaged and junky.

 

 

We do go through copious amounts of food. It's amazing how many vegetables we cut and eat in a week. If they choose to sit and eat a weeks worth of veggies in a day, I don't rush out to buy more. I might not wait the whole week, but I don't replace the week's supply daily.

 

I think there can be freedom within the reasonable boundaries of your family. Provide nutrient dense snacks within your budget and allow them to choose the timing and content. On the other hand, if you like to prepare 5-6 meals/snacks a day and you enjoy sitting at the table together during these times, I don't see a reason you should force this "freedom." I need a few snacks that don't require my supervision for my sanity.

[DragonFaerie]

My kids have to ask, but we are on a pretty regular schedule, so they don't usually ask for anything else. As it is, they have breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner. They also have one dessert either after lunch or after dinner, and they can "earn" a second dessert sometimes (chores/sticker system; they can trade stickers earned for an extra dessert). If they are hungry at some other time, I'll sometimes let them have a fruit or yogurt or a piece of cheese, but that's not very often. If I let them have free-reign of the kitchen, they would snack constantly and never eat a meal.

[PentecostalMom]

Mine still at home are permitted any fresh fruit or vegetables whenever they want it. We usually have on hand bananas, clementines or oranges, apples, grapes, baby carrots, and celery sticks. They have to ask about other things because I may have a meal planned and they will eat and then not want what I make. I encourage the vegetables because they are still a bit picky, though they do eat what is placed in front of them.

[regentrude]

For those who give your kids "free reign" do you set any limits at all?

 

No, not really. If there is something I am saving for a dish or an occasion, I tell them.

But they can eat when they are hungry. DD loves to cook and bake. If they eat all the ice cream, it is gone, shrug.

If I plan to cook shortly, I may tell them that I don't think it is a good idea to snack beforehand - but really, snacking does not seem to influence their appetite.

[Blessed Mommy]

Yes, my children have been taught to ask before eating. It has nothing to do with food rationing or being controlling, but rather, it's about showing respect. My husband and I buy and provide food for them, and out of respect for our authority, they need to ask. This also helps them to be more thankful for the food that's provided!