NotSoObvious Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ....nice people that live far away in another state. We see them once a year or every other year when we go back to visit. Other than that, we exchange cards for holidays and birthdays. DH talks to them on the phone once a month. They're fine with our level of involvement and so are we. DH is the youngest of 9, and all his siblings live near his parents - MIL and FIL have around 26 grandkids plus a bunch of great-grandkids that live near them, so they're plenty busy. This is us, exactly. Great people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Very, very, human. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I just recently met sil & bil and some of the other il's. I have still not met my MIL after almost 15 years of being with my husband. Prior to our move I had only met FIL and I could of done with out that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My in laws both have personality disorders. We have as little contact with them as necessary. And not much is necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 really nice people - yay!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My in-laws are hard to please. Mil is narcissistic and fil supports her. There have been times where our relationship has been stable and good and other times not so much. Dh just had lunch with his dad last week to discuss the latest separation between us that occurred last Mother's Day. We haven't had contact with them since then. It's been a hard road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Pretty awesome. I say that 11.5 years into marriage. When my 9 yo was born, we had a few rough years of them overstepping boundaries and being generally difficult to get along with for various reasons. We finally had it out in a big argument, and things were rocky for a few years. Over time, we healed our relationship and things are actually really, really good in recent years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 MIL is an insane whackadoodle. (my fil is deceased since long before dh and I met.) contact with her was only once or maybe twice a year because of distance. she is a great source of stories however. ;p I'm sorry you've had to put such strict limits on contact. I've had to do go no-contact with my own brother. It is not something one does lightly. It was a very difficult decision emotionally but there was really no other choice to make . Although I have extremely hard feelings towards them I still support DH having a relationship with them . In fact we just gave them $300 to help with home repairs. But we just had a baby and he will NEVER know his grandparents. Sad, but fil has done some awful things and mil chooses to turn a blind eye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My in-laws live in the same small town as us. Well, we have just moved back. When I first met DH, he was in business with them. There were moments in there I didn't like them very much, but we did still socialise with them on a regular basis with our friends and theirs. We have now been away from the business for ten years and it honestly was the best thing for our relationship and their relationship with our children. They are great people with a completely different worldview to us, but we love them to bits and enjoy their company. We help each other out when we are needed. I must say I feel truely blessed to have such an awesome relationship with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I am so surprised at how many people have such great relationships with their in-laws. My MIL lives in another state and we get along well with distance. My dh's stepmother, who lives very close to us and is like a grandmother to my children, is hard for me to get along with. I generally never say anything to keep the peace but she has a lot of opinions and is very selfish. I love my SILs and BIL. Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Apt to hang out criminals, hang at bars, and glorify breaking the law. Therefore, they are on very low contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My ILs are causing me to seek therapy. (Seriously -- I'm going to therapy because so much hatred has built up inside my soul because of MIL. It's sad when I read so many posts with "dead" and "deceased" ILs and I envy those people). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My inlaws are very kind and generous people. They are all welcome to visit our home. I don't actually have too much in common with them but we can generally visit about kids and the weather and such and have a pleasant time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-bex Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ...better to me than anyone in my blood-family. They actually called me on my birthday. My dad wrote on my facebook wall, and my sister texted me happy birthday and then 10 paragraphs about the drama in her own life. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My in-laws are...deceased. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Backstabbers. (Especially the MIL). Never admit they are wrong. Stalkers!!(One or two of them have stalked me on here). MIL never cared about what the kids were doing, and would moan or use any excuse to not attend an event. Not a good grandmother to my kids. At. All. She chooses sides. Uses God for an excuse. We have cut ties.(DH's decision) For good reason. I only regret not seeing it sooner before I put my trust into them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inmyopinion Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 For the most part, good, but currently in a tense spot. I find the more superficial I am with them (not in a bad way, just talk about the weather a lot) the better it is. We are very different people and I do not think that they "get" me. They do not like homeschooling but I think they are coming around. But overall, good, supportive people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My inlaws are absolutely wonderful. Like others have said, I feel as though I won the in-law lottery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 strangers. My husband talks to them once in a while, but that's about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadrunner Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Fantastic, nice, adorable.... but what do I know, I don't speak the same language as they do :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weddell Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My in-laws are nice. They aren't my favorite people in the whole universe, but we all get along well. They are divorced and although I knew them when they were married, I can't figure out how they would have worked as a couple--they are really different. Right now we are in India, but when we are living in the States, FIL lives around 8-9 hours away and visits us a few weekends a year and we visit him maybe one. He doesn't meddle in our lives at all, but is interested in us and our kids and we all enjoy the visits. He is a doctor and if I have a quick question I have no problem emailing him and getting a quick answer. He doesn't always remember birthdays but if he sees a present he thinks one of us would like, he buys it "just because." Now my MIL wants/needs more involvement than we would generally like. I know some people spend a ton of time with their parents or in-laws but we like to keep a certain amount of distance (the distance with FIL is almost perfect). She wants to know every detail of everything that happens and that makes us a little crazy sometimes. DH and I are both fairly private people and don't necessarily want to tell her everything. But she means well and is really very nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 are the most wonderful people, if you are talking m-i-l and f-i-l. They are easier to be around than my own family in many ways. I love them very much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 OP, I am sorry to hear about how bad things are between you and your in laws. I am so fortunate. My in laws are wonderful people. I am proud to call them Mom and Dad. My mother in law is my dear friend. I know that probably sounds sappy, but if is true. I am a very lucky DIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :ohmy: My inlaws are...narcissists. As in MILs dream is for all her children to move back home, into their former bedrooms. Imagine Thanksgiving with the blood relatives at one table, all others in another room, and the real children are expected to stay the night. We learned to draw boundaries so our children would not grow up dysfunctional. :ohmy: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I pray every single day that I will be a good mil to my ds wife. Let's just say that my own mother in law is not my mentor in this regard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 on the other side of the world actually I get on with them better than my DH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Not part of our lives. DH cut them off a little more than 10 years ago. His mother is borderline, and his father is...something. No idea how DH came out so normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I used to have a great relationship with MIL, but it has become a bit strained in the past few years. The blame is mostly on SIL. When DH and I had first stated dating, he had complained about his sister being a spoiled, self-entitled princess. But when I met her, SIL seemed totally sweet and down-to-Earth so I chalked up his complaints to sibling rivalry. *WELL*, as soon as SIL got engaged, her personality did a 180 and she turned into Bridezilla. Then she got pregnant on her honeymoon and turned into Preggozilla. SIL's drama caused MIL to start using me as her unpaid therapist until I got so fed up that I told DH to tell his mom that I didn't want to hear any more about SIL acting like a princess. I also decided not to travel back East with the kids to see them at Christmas because I didn't want to deal with SIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 You're all quite brave to post this on a public forum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 You're all quite brave to post this on a public forum! Well, I figure if a few of my outlaws have nothing better to do with their time then to come seek me out here, I may as well give them something to talk about. After all, I am the "trouble maker" of the family. Hmmm...I think I can hear their printer going now as they run this over to the MIL. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Well, I figure if a few of my outlaws have nothing better to do with their time then to come seek me out here, I may as well give them something to talk about. After all, I am the "trouble maker" of the family. Hmmm...I think I can hear their printer going now as they run this over to the MIL. :lol: LOL, troublemaker! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 LOL, troublemaker! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Well, I figure if a few of my outlaws have nothing better to do with their time then to come seek me out here, I may as well give them something to talk about. After all, I am the "trouble maker" of the family. Hmmm...I think I can hear their printer going now as they run this over to the MIL. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Well, I figure if a few of my outlaws have nothing better to do with their time then to come seek me out here, I may as well give them something to talk about. After all, I am the "trouble maker" of the family. Hmmm...I think I can hear their printer going now as they run this over to the MIL. :lol: Sorry I double posted. Yep I'm the troublemaker here too. My inlaws know exactly where they stand so nothing here would be news to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Pleasant but distant. DH left home and joined the military at 17. We rarely see them or talk to them, not out of dislike or spite but the relationship is just not that close. I enjoy the time that we do spend with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamzanne Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My EX-in-laws told us they had their bags packed and were just waiting for the call when my daughter was born. Then when we called they decided not to come. When their son was abusing me and I felt unsafe in our rural home in the middle of nowhere, they promised me that if I stayed with him and I needed help they would be right there. The night he threatened to kill both me and our infant daughter and I called for help they told me they didn't want to get in the middle of it. Since our divorce I have visited them (across the country, on my own dime) with my daughter nearly once per year. The last time they promised my daughter they would visit. A year and a half later, they conveniently forgot they said it and denied it. In the last year they have visited California, Arizona, Texas, Georgia, Florida, Michigan, South Carolina, and the Bahamas. But they claim they can't afford to visit their granddaughter in Oregon. When she was four, I told them that my daughter would really appreciate a phone call once in a while. They said, "you know, she never calls us either." They pretty much disgust me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My MIL is the sweetest lady on the planet. Her husband, my stepFIL in well meaning but plain odd. My FIL is dead and not missed. No nicer way to say it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ...sweethearts. They are loving, supportive, and helpful. I couldn't ask for better. I wish my experience were universal. :grouphug: to all of you who haven't had as pleasant of an experience with yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ....meh. Could be better, could be worse. Dh's mom (+ step dad) is a bit 'off' and makes odd judgement calls. I have tried to let her have a relationship with my kids, but if they visit her alone, there are just too many thoughts running through my head that start with 'she let you do what????'' or even better 'she made you do what???" Nothing horrible or dangerous...just odd boundary choices. One easy example is... making my kids take a bath together when they stayed the night at her house. They are boy/girl and 4 years apart in age. This was when they were somewhere around 5yo and 9yo. They told her they don't bath together but she made them. ????? Not really dangerous....just odd! She is very cheap, so it was an attempt to save money on water. Dh's dad (+step mom) is/are okay but fairly unattached. The step mom is close to her daughter, so she is closer to her children by default. We see them 4 times per year and talk on the phone maybe 8 times. We get along fine, they just don't seem too attached. Example....when dd6 was about 2yo, step mom asked if we were bringing her to thanksgiving dinner. We had finanlized on her by this point so it wasn't like she was going somewhere without us. LOL By the tone of her voice, she was genuinely surprised that the 2yo was indeed coming with us. LOL (dd has been with us since she was 5mo so this wasn't a new situation) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 On another continent across the Pacific Ocean :). My dad gets on hubby's nerves and my in-laws get on mine for different reasons. We are much happier communicating by facetime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poiema Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 awesome!! My MIL is the nicest, most giving person I know. My FIL was funny and a little crazy and hard not to love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 missing in action. Big holidays and certain birthdays, that's it. We're the only ones that have younger kids. You'd think they would want to spend time with them, but whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Fair-weather. They remember us when we're in town. We're the only ones who live away from the area, so apparently it's our fault they don't remember the kids' b-days or them at Christmas. DH wanted our last assignment to be 'back home' and I'd rather anywhere else in the world than letting my children fsee the discrepancy between them and their cousins. It's easier now to pretend that G-ma picked out that special gift just for them instead of g-ma grudgingly sent an Amazon code after calling her out on fawning over the rest and blatantly ignoring them. *sigh* I wish they cared more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenpatty Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I feel guilty saying this because I see terrible stories on these boards. However, my MIL is a wonderful person. She has her own life, but wants to hear about her grandchildren and do things with them (take oldest to action adventure movies, take dd to plays, etc) She likes to be invited to performances and/or games and tries to come when she can. She will babysit, but we only ask occasionally. She's the right mix of being interested and involved without demanding anything from us. My MIL is like this too. I'm so thankful for her. My own family is uninvolved, so she's the only grandparent in my kids' lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwallowTail Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 This is too public of a place for me to say much, so I will just say that it is frequently a very painful subject for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ...very sadly, deceased. MIL was the most loving, thoughtful person. The kind of person who, when I came (as DH's then-girlfriend) to their house at Christmas, meeting her for just the second time, had had a monogrammed stocking made for me to hang with the rest of her kids, so I wouldn't feel left out. Who very nicely checked in with me before doing anything for our wedding - but because she really thought of others, her ideas were truly perfect, not self-centered. Who cheerfully volunteered countless hours babysitting her other grandkids, because "parents need a break." Who cried when she was dying because she wouldn't be there to meet and take care of DH's and my kids. FIL was stern and gruff, but showed up at our house and just quietly started fixing things, the kinds of things you keep saying, "Oh, I need to get to that" and never have time for. Who made himself available to help build decks and fences. Who loved to tell stories from his youth, a poor boy on a Dust Bowl farm, but only if you really, really wanted to hear them. Who brought outlandish toys for the boys, like a ride-on electric tractor, and had the sense to be both sheepish because he knew it was too much but hopeful that you would let them have it anyway. My inlaws were quite different from my parents, who had/have a "We raised you, you're on your own now" attitude. I miss the inlaws a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My in-laws are absolutely wonderful. They treat me better than my parents and sister do, and I have a better relationship with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Sadly, my fil passed away and mil is so happy to be able to enjoy herself without him. :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My ILs are terrific. Not too much meddling, and MIL will bend over backwards to help when needed. They adore their grandchildren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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