Readjusting the Sails: Single parenting, homeschooling ds while working

[elegantlion]

We are reading The Odyssey right now, so fitting, as our journey seems to be taking a detour. *sigh* Dh and I are separated due to series of poor choices on his part. I will be returning to work and filing for divorce, there is not chance of working this out due to the nature of the poor choices. Anyway, this isn't about him, this is about the adjustment. Currently, dh isn't even in the picture and it remains to be seen if he will (I need to be vague on this) in the immediate future. He supports homeschooling, so I don't see that being an issue.

 

However, we've been stumbling along this month because of it. I will need to find work in April, probably retail, probably walmart if they'll hire me. We're small town and that's about the only thing with flexible hours. Ds is not a fully independent worker and is up for the task of assuming more responsibility. He has no desire to attend public school, that's not even an option. I think we can stumble our way to the end of the year, yet next year concerns me.

 

I've been in the midst of planning and have a vague notion of how to handle most subjects. However, I'm going to need to modify our American history plans. We'll still do 3 semesters with 1 focused solely on WWi - WWII. I need to streamline, ds is not into history and when I have brain power I'll need to help with math and writing. In this type of situation would you consider covering history topically, ala history only unit type studies? I would want to cover the Civil War (Ken Burns DVD and lessons), WWI- WWII, I have a plethora of resources planned, some he can do on his own.

 

Part of my concern is that we will both be grieving in a sense and he will be alone during the time I'm working. He's game for schedule changes and do school whenever necessary, yet he doesn't like to work alone too much.

 

I envision being tired a lot, I've already been dealing with insomnia and some depression, so I know I won't be at full capacity for a while at least.

 

Any other tips or tricks would be helpful. Thanks.

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have any very good ideas for you. I'm a lot busier than I was (working now and with Husband out of town Monday to Friday). I've had to impose some pretty strict routines on myself to make everything fit. Not easy when you are going through your kind of difficulties.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[aggieamy]

I don't have any helpful suggestions but I can't read this and not say that I am so sorry and give you ((HUGS)).

 

ETA: I thought of something. Are there any other homeschoolers nearby? I seem to remember that you might be close to the KC area. Maybe. My memory isn't so awesome. If you are working retail you'll work all sorts of interesting hours and you'll want to adjust your life to that. Don't think that school has to be done Monday-Friday include Saturday and Sunday in there to give yourself plenty of room. When is your DS looking at graduation?

[Karen in CO]

When my ds was in high school, I was working a variety of shifts. We identified the areas I was weak as a teacher and areas that I was stronger and areas where he was weak and strong. For the weak areas, we found outside classes - first online then CC. The areas that he was weak, we made sure to do in a more formal way with more output and more supervision. We found the areas that we enjoyed doing together like history and literature and let those be more informal.

 

Sounds kind of vague doesn't it?

Before he was old enough for CC classes, we didn't bother with foreign language and made sure we planned at least 4 semesters of it in CC. For writing, he is talented and I am a poor critic of his work so we outsourced with online classes and coaching. For math, we stumbled and stumbled and stumbled and should have had a tutor. For science, we did the classes I could teach, then saved the rest for CC. For history and literature, we read, watched movies and talked. I assigned a few papers, but most of what we did was read and talk and talk and talk. It was a great way for us to connect and one of my favorite things about homeschooling.

 

Most days I had time for him, but some days, I really didn't. I made sure we had weekly meetings to plan out the work together. I worked hard to keep him engaged and interested. He was lonely. He wasted a lot more time than he probably should have. He not only survived, but he turned out just fine.

[Oakblossoms]

I am sorry you are going through this. How is your support community? I think I would be concerned about him being alone too much as well. I would find a way to get him with family, friends, fellow homeschool families for a part of the week. I might see if he was interested in a small job, as well. Just some things to keep him busy.

[LunaLee]

:grouphug: :grouphug: I'm very sorry to hear that EL. Like a pp said, I don't have much advice to offer you, but I do want you to know that there are people who care about you and wish you and the boy the very best.

 

I’m looking to re-enter the full time work force due to some financial hardships and I’ve been thinking a lot about some the same concerns you have. I don’t like the fact that ds will be home alone for a good portion of the day. It’s not that I don’t trust him to be by himself, I just don’t want him to feel like he’s in solitary confinement. Some things I’ve considered:

 

Having him dropped off at the library or Starbucks for a couple of hours when dad or sister go on about their day (since they leave later in the am) and I’d pick him up on my way. Not every day, mind you, but maybe once a week.

 

Our neighbors are all older grandparents, so I was thinking of talking to them to see if maybe one day he can “hang out†with them. Not just to do school work, but help them clean pools, or go grocery shopping, or extra yard work- stuff like that. Is it possible for you to move closer to a support system if you don't have one nearby?

 

As far as academics go, can you outsource anything? Writing or Science? Write Guide will work at his pace with your assignments so you wouldn’t have to worry about him being able to keep up in a class situation.

 

I also was just reading that thread about non-traditional high school; they talked a lot about input vs. output. Maybe you could do some project based learning with him that way he’s taking some ownership of his education.

 

:grouphug:

[Jilly]

Sorry you are going through this. ((hugs))

 

If it was me I would find ways for him to work independently on all subjects except writing and math. That way you would not feel so stressed, and the time you do have for him would go to the two subjects he needs help with. For everything else I would look at your goals and see how they can be met independently by your son. For history I would use videos, online resources (such as hippo campus), and books or audiobooks. For science I would look at MIT open courses or Coursera. Foreign language I would also do online. Then I would make him out a weekly schedule for him and go over it every week, so he understands what his responsibilities are. It sounds like he is willing to do whatever to continue to homeschool which is encouraging. Good luck to you both.

[elegantlion]

Random thoughts, I'm tired. First of all, thank you all.

 

My parents are nearby and we have one retired neighbor. My parents would be more of a hindrance for school, as my mom and he are buddies and trouble makers together. Trouble in a good way. But we might schedule them at least one day a week.

 

He'll have to be more independent, but totally independence is not our goal. We'll shift school hours if necessary, he'd love night school. We've always had a Socratic-like classroom and the discussions are the important part of our schooling. He'll have to do more of the prep work on his own. If I worked during the day, he'd sleep until noon and be quite happy to do so.

 

He's in 9th grade right now. Unfortunately, we know no homeschoolers in our town (all live at least 30 minutes away), but he does better with adults anyway.

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Walmart requires employees to be 16, but is there a supermarket or other employer who would hire a 15 yo? Then you could possibly both work the same hours there. You'd both be busy, making money and then you could do school in the off hours. If he'd be willing to contribute some of his pay, then it would take fewer hours working to make the same as you working alone. Just a thought.

 

:grouphug:

[JennW in SoCal]

:grouphug: :grouphug: and another :grouphug:

I am so very sorry your are going through this.

 

My 2 cents is to put off worrying about next year for a little while, and allow yourselves to stumble through the rest of the year, without feeling an ounce of guilt that it isn't the perfect idealized high school you might have wanted. Allow yourselves to spend an afternoon or evening or two or three watching old movies, if that is what you both need. Stick to math and Socratic discussions and allow everything else to be unschooled, or to just "git 'er done". You are near the end of the year, anyway, so it might be the perfect mental health remedy for your ds to spend a day a week with your mom with the two of them getting themselves "into trouble".

 

Next school year will likely start making more sense as the summer progresses and you start that job. I, too, think it might be terrific if he could start working, or even have a regular volunteer gig during some of your working hours.

 

One last :grouphug:. Just know that your WTM family is anxious to help!

[Lori D.]

Agreeing with Jenn. And adding my own :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

So very sad about current circumstances. :(

[Jean in Newcastle]

No advice - just :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[mommybee]

So sorry for you :grouphug: I am in the same situation at the moment and honestly I am just going with the flow and haven't really thought too much about how it will work. I finish school in July and then will need to work full time. One difference for me is that I have two still schooling so they can keep each other company but I worry as well about them just being left alone too much.

 

I'm tired too and keep having panic attacks on how I am going to do all of this, but I am also just trying to take it one day at a time and not think too far into the future. I'm sorry I don't have more to offer but I am reading this thread to use the advice as well.

 

I truly hope you two find a solution that works. I think half the battle is that he understands how much you want to make it easier on him. If my mom had just once told me she understood how hard it was for me to be alone so much, it would have made a huge difference. She had more of an "I have no choice, so get over it" kind of thing going on.

[Nan in Mass]

Are you sure you want to do so much history if he isn't particularly interested in history? In my experience, this is something that adult males tend to do as a hobby, so I worried less about that than, say, science. Maybe a lighter, just-get-it-done history would ease the schedule and let you put the quality time into something else? On the other hand, if that is the subject you know best and are most enthusiastic about, it would be a shame not to do a good job on it. If you will have access to community college later, then don't forget that you can put some things off until then if they prove to be too much of a struggle now.

 

Lots and lots of hugs. Keep your chin up.

 

Nan

[besroma]

I am so sorry. :grouphug:

[nukeswife]

No advice, but I wanted to say I'm sorry you're both having to go through this. If you need a friend to listen/lend and ear, you know how to contact me. :grouphug:

[regentrude]

I am sorry this has happened. I have no advice, but wanted to send you hugs and good thoughts.

[HappyGrace]

I'm so sorry, EL. This must be so difficult for you. I will be praying for you.

 

I don't have a whole lot to add except to agree on having him work a bit, not too much time alone, etc. And is there a way that for history you could have him do something independently and then you could add Socratic discussion to it when you're able to? Just so you don't feel pressured to *have* to do it if you're tired, but you *can* do it when you're able to (especially since from reading your past posts, I see that this is an area that brings you some joy.) :grouphug:

[Jayne J]

(((Hugs)))

[Jane in NC]

At that age, my son needed a lot of physical activity. Could he occasionally do yard work for neighbors when you are at work? Also I would help him master a few basic recipes (including Crockpot supervision ;) ) so that he feels that he is contributing.

 

Another thing I would do is make sure that he has some really fun projects to work on when he is feeling down. Is there some programming he wants to do or some sort of hands on thing? That way, even if he is not doing school work per se, he is accomplishing something.

 

Does he have a guitar or recorder? Making music is always a good idea.

 

Can he walk to the library? Doing research there, meeting reference librarians, etc. might help him achieve some independence. Maybe they'll let him volunteer as a book shelver. This would give him a job reference for down the road.

 

Paula, I send you and your son my best wishes. Gosh, I haven't helped you on the history question. Videos, biographies and some real books? Albert Marrin's books were hits with my son.

[texasmama]

:grouphug: Spend the summer grieving and planning. I think if you do both that the next school year will unfold as it should and your ds's ability to rise to the occasion will surprise you. I've only been in this position with a toddler, so I don't have anything helpful to offer beyond that, but I wanted you to know that I am rooting for you and believe that this will work out well for you and ds.

[MamaT]

I am so sorry. I wish you lived close enough to throw him in here with my three quirky teens. :)

 

I think the best thing you can do for next year is plan, plan, plan. If there are detailed instructions for him, it will be much easier for him to do the next thing. I know, at least around here, if there is any ambiguity in my written instructions and I am not home, my teens use that as an excuse to put work aside until they can ask me questions.

 

There seems to be a big jump in maturity around that age for boys (at least in my experience). I am sure he will rise to the occasion.

 

I wish you the best as you navigate through the times ahead. (((Hugs)))

[elegantlion]

Again, thank you. I shall respond more tomorrow. As to the amount of history, part of it is his choice. He doesn't care to study American history really, but wants to focus on "wars with guns". That was his request after spending so much time on wars with spears and arrows this year. He's fascinated with WWII and American History is a requirement for the few colleges he is currently interested in applying. So our study will have enough American centric to call it American History, but have a world flavor for the 20th century.

 

He has programming as a hobby. He's planning to buy a Raspberry Pi, he dabbles with graphic design. As far as a job, we'll probably wait until the next summer. My parents have work for him to do this summer, plus we'll be finishing up some subjects and we normally only take June and July off anyway. I don't want him working during school right now. Our expenses are low enough that I can work and provide for our basic needs. Now I'm off to bed, tomorrow is new day.

[quark]

Just wanted to add my hugs. Wishing you strength in this difficult time. :grouphug:

[iona]

:grouphug:

[Twigs]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[G5052]

I'm sorry that you are at this crossroads. If it helps any, I have several local friends who have been there and all of them were able to work out living arrangements and work that allowed them to continue homeschooling. Sometimes it took a few misses to get there, but they are doing well now. They're each a heroine to me in their own ways. They do childcare, teach classes, clean office buildings, tutor, take care of houses/animals when people are away, and yes, work at Wal-Mart.

 

Scheduling is tough, but I've noticed with my own work that mine do best if I schedule my work so that I'm mostly available when they are at their peak time of day. I do contract work, so for me it is a matter of picking-and-choosing versus trying to get a certain shift. This week I actually turned down work that I would have really enjoyed, but it would have required availability during certain hours that wouldn't work as well with homeschooling. But I'm in the running for another that doesn't have the specific time requirements. We'll see.

[Another Lynn]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[cathmom]

I am so sorry, el!

[Soror]

((((Hugs)))))

[HappyGrace]

I'm grateful that at least finances won't be terrible for you-that helps a lot.

[Kalypso]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[JennyD]

I have nothing useful to offer, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Hugs to you.

[mumto2]

:grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

Well, that stinks. I'm so sorry, but it sounds like you and your son have a good relationship and that will count for a lot right now. :grouphug:

[Robin in DFW]

Oh, Paula...I'm so sorry. I have no other words to express how sorry I feel right now.

 

I know you really enjoy using more "living books" for things, but I have found, after much failure with "living books", that my ds (and dd, too) really like textbooks for certain things...History being one of them. I know textbooks don't give the depth that is achieved by doing a 4-year rotation, but the general information that is offered this way is just right for my ds. He tells me regularly how much he likes his History textbook...odd, I know. He also likes having things compartmentalized...World History, US History, etc. We did the 4-year cycle in elementary and middle grades, but for high school he has done well with a more traditional school approach. This also allows him more independence.

 

I used to think textbooks were a bad thing...that whole "we homeschool, we will not do anything like ps" mentality. I have changed my tune...textbooks are awesome for some kids. My ds does much better with textbook learning for Math, Science and History.

 

I know you will work it all out. You are a master planner.

 

HUGS...

Robin

[Kristin in Hawaii]

Hi there and many hugs!

 

I divorced about 6 years ago and have always worked as well. I totally understand your concerns about independent work for your son. You have received much great advice so far. I will recommend outsourcing for at least 1 or 2 of the subjects and consider having him **teach you** what he learned about history that day. Even if you are tired you may feel good about listening and discussing what he felt was important. I would give him a schedule of which events/periods to focus on and see what he comes up with independently. And, don't forget at least weekly reviews to make sure everything you asked for is **actually done** It is so easy to be too tired and also to be hesitant to always be "riding him" about getting schoolwork done. And don't forget to chit chat ;))

 

Best wishes!

[Lilaclady]

Just want to send hugs and best wishes for this crossroad that you are in. You are a strong lady and will survive this

[RanchGirl]

I'm so sorry you and your son have to go through this mess. Can I ask if there is anything particular you like to do... maybe someone can suggest a way to turn it into income? Do you need health insurance through an employer right away?

 

One quick idea, if you could find a job cleaning offices at night, either through a service or starting your own business, your son could work with you to decrease the time it takes and you could have socratic discussions while you worked.... or if he is not interested in working alongside you, he could at least be there with you hanging out finishing up assignments or reading.

[3andme]

Another option for history might be to try a live online class if you could handle it budget wise. Landry Academy and Potter's School both offer some interesting 1 semester courses with a specific focus such as: Military History, WWII history, the Civil War, the Cold War, etc. This would give your son the kind of unit studies you had planned and also give him the opportunity to interact with some other students and be accountable to outside teachers. Also the 1 semester courses don't lock you in too much in if they aren't a good fit.

[Julie in MN]

I want to send <<hugs>> as well. Life is so hard, sometimes.

 

Like you and everyone else here, I do worry a bit about a boy alone a lot. I'm thinking of all the ideas I can to put him with others while you work -- find a lab partner, start a book club, join the YMCA, volunteer at the library, have a relative teach him a practical skill (cooking, car repair, boxing), start a little business (mowing, ebay selling, making fishing lures), join an intramural team, join debate, join or lead a scout troop, skype with a language tutor... Not that he needs to be running every minute, but just in an effort to find one or two things for reaching out during his days...

 

When I started worrying about my son being alone too much because we were with doctors all the time, I just sort of tried things that came my way, and sometimes they didn't work out but someone there mentioned a different activity, and I went down a new route that was better for us. Some things my son didn't even like (books, hockey) turned out to be fun for him, and some of the other families helped with rides or planning or keeping in contact.

 

In the end, you've taught him how to make life what you want it to be by homeschooling him, and he will likely be okay. Lots of pioneer families were isolated in the wilderness and educated themselves and developed character and became leaders. One neighbor of mine spent many sad days watching her only child lonely in the back yard, but looks back at that as a time he really found out who he was. In high school, she started a "Friday club" for local homeschooled teens and that little group became his friends into adulthood.

 

There are lots of paths. My hope is that you find the one for you.

Julie

[Cinder]

:grouphug:

[mommymilkies]

Ok, I wonder if there is any way that maybe he could have a part time job during part of the time you are gone. Another thought is there a friend or relative that could just supervise him at his/her house while you are at work? I've had friends whose parents who watched the kids ( the lessons were planned out) while they worked part time. Sorry about what you are going through.

 

I agree with this. When my mom took odd jobs during my high school years, I often went with her. She took jobs she could find, like delivering papers, magazines, working for small businesses that understood the occasional need for a "helper", and she did some jewelry work at home and dragged me (not unwilling) to art shows all over the place. Not huge money, by any means, but it really helped connect us and made ends meet.

 

More than anything, I wanted to give you my love and support. :grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Again, thank you all. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now, so I can't respond to each post, but I've read them and appreciate the input.

[swellmomma]

:grouphug: If have no major advice, I have been single parenting for 12 years now, this is my 7th year homeschooling and I am still struggling with it all. I have to go back to work next year and already panicking. If I can get my old job back we will keep doing what we are doing, if I don't well then instead of only a few going to ps next year all 4 will be. I know what it is like having very few employment options in a small town. In the city I delivered newspapers at 1am, and worked as a maid, and delivered flyers twice a week, I bartered for many things to make life more affordable but out here those things just don't exist. The one job I have found that works well for me is split shift in an afterschool daycare. it's 5 hours a day but it is split up so 2 hours before school, then home to teach my own and then 3 hours in the afternoon. It meant the older kids were never left alone long(though they mostly came with me, now they are too old), and it gave a structure to our day. I worked 7-9 am, got home at 930, taught until 230 then back to work from 3-6. If kids stayed home in the am they had to be up dressed and have eaten by the time I got back from am shift. At 230 I called it good and other than reading school was done so no worrying about them being independant. Next year I am hoping to get back on there so then youngest 2 will attend work with me, teens will go to the library, or teen drop in program or to work or to extracurrics which all happen during that afterschool period I would be working. The whole town other than fast food shuts down at 6pm, so 6pm done work and home with all the kids to still have family time etc

[mom2bee]

I know this may sound random, but I recommend a juicer. Having fresh vegetable or fruit juice really helps sometimes when I am having a bout of depression. Juicing and walking, walking and juicing...both are great for energy.

 

I know that sounds pretty dumb, but if there is anyway you can try it out, I encourage you to at least give it a 7day trial...

[Nicole M]

Everyone has said good things. I went through this, too. My husband moved out the same weekend that my oldest went to college. It's an adjustment, and it's taking us a long while to get into a groove, but it is always getting better, even when there are bumps. I think you know my son volunteers at an air museum and in exchange for his work gets free flying lessons. That's only once a week, but has really had a profound effect on his mood and motivation. Finding an outlet for passion is pretty critical.

 

Like Karen, I found it was really important, especially with my ever-changing work schedule, to have meeting time on Sunday evening or Monday to discuss each subject, what is due, when I'm working, where he'll be when I'm working, etc. When we slack off on this we really flounder.

 

I know it's cliche, but things do get better.

[Sahamamama]

For high school level US History (Civil War to Vietnam), I would consider using this guide from Beautiful Feet. It would allow you to assemble a selection of "enough" books on "enough" topics to flesh out a full credit's worth of history. There are literature packs available:

 

http://bfbooks.com/U...Parts-I-II-Pack

http://bfbooks.com/U...rts-III-IV-Pack

 

Using this guide, you could compile a topical-chronological list of reading materials and label them in reading (or date) order, adding-in whatever other resources you have (videos, spines). During the school year, he reads while you're at work, you use the guide to discuss when home. I am sorry you are going through all this. :grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

:grouphug: