HappyLady Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I was recently on vacation and while I was gone my sister stopped by to feed my pets. Not only that, but she took it upon herself to "clean" my house. Admittedly my sister is a better housekeeper than I am, but I cleaned my house before I left. I liked it the way it was. Some of the things she did are down right annoying and I'm trying to think of a way to tell her not to do these things the next time she's alone in my house. For one, I set my heat to stay at 65. I told her to manually turn it up if she planned on staying, but to turn it back down. Well, instead of doing this manually she changed my automatic settings. My thermostat has 4 settings for each day. She changed them all to 66. So I had to go through and change 4 settings for each day of the week. She knows how to work the thermostat and I'm sure she did this because that's the temperature she keeps her house at. Another thing is, she and I disagree on which way mini-blinds should be. I like them so the "rounded" part is facing in. She thinks the concave side should be facing in. My first floor is not ground level, I have no immediate neighbors, I'm set far back from the road, and I have a bunch of trees around my house so I'm not worried about people being able to see in. I like them the way I do because I like everything from the outside blocked out at night. She changed all my blinds in my house. My DS's special bowls (they have the suction cups on the bottom) are always kept on top of the fridge. She moved them to my tupperwear drawer. My cats' scratching mat was moved from the spot where they're used to it to right in front of one of their litter boxes so now it's full of litter. In my DD's room, I put the lid to her toy box in between her bed and the wall to prevent her from falling off the bed. We have baseboard heating so her bed can't go right up against the wall so there's a space between her bed and the wall. She has a bed rail on the other side of her bed and I didn't figure I'd need 2 of them since the lid served the purpose. She put the lid back on the toy box. My DD sleeps on a futon (her choice, she also has an actual bed in her room). The mattress cover was taken off once and it was too much of a pain to put back on so I folded it and put it under the futon. My sister remade my DD's bed and put the cover on the bed as a blanket. She took all of my kids' special blankets (they were made by my MIL) and laid them all over the furniture in the house. Why, I have no idea. But those blankets only ever go in the kids' beds, not on furniture for the cats and for people to sit on. She also apparently sprayed whatever body spray she uses all over my house because my house reeked of it when I came home. In my DD's room I had certain toys left out and neatly placed because they had multiple pieces to them and no box. Everything was just tossed into the toy box so now when my kids want to play with them we'll have to search for all the pieces. I had my children's books in two separate piles, one where the books were geared towards my DD and the other for my DS. She put all the books together. I know there's more, but I can't remember them all and I'm finding them as I go along. For once she didn't rearrange my silverware drawer. She doesn't like the order that my silverware goes in and often rearranges it to the way she does it. She did a great job taking care of the pets so I'm not going to complain, but I just needed to vent about this. It's *my* house and I like it *my* way. I could never imagine doing any of this in her house!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Wow, I would be really annoyed too. I don't even like it when my dh unloads the dishes and puts them away randomly. Does she have OCD or any other compulsive issues? Or was she just trying to be bossy about how you keep your home? I would be straight forward with her and let her know that you appreciate her help with your pets, but you like where everything is and don't want her help "fixing" things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Ick! And going thru all your stuff while she was there? Double Ick! I dunno - can you find another pet sitter for the future? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I would have someone else feed the pets from now on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Let me guess - she's older than you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I'd either find a way to laugh off pyscho sister, so it doesn't upset me so much or that would be the end of having her watch the house/pets. I'd tell her ONCE to leave my house alone bc it's mine and I like it my way tyvm and after that, I'd assume she either is doing to tick me off on purpose or she has a screw loose and can't help it. Either way, I'd be done with leaving her in my home. "Don't mess with a woman's nest." is good advice. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 ... I'm trying to think of a way to tell her not to do these things the next time she's alone in my house. I would use the direct approach, not try to come up with a sweet way to tell her to knock it off and stop acting so weird. "Thanks for taking care of the cats for us. Don't rearrange anything while you're here. We like it the way it is now." That would be my only warning, and I'd find a new pet sitter if she didn't listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skeeterbug Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Let me guess - she's older than you? I was wondering this too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I think I'd have to disagree about her being a better housekeeper than you. For the sake of sisterly harmony I wouldn't say anything about all this insanity (for now) but I also would never leave her alone in my house again. Not for pet sitting, not for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Your sister seems boundary challenged. I would either ship your pets to her house for her to take care of, or ask someone with better boundaries to do it for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 My sister isn't allowed in my house when I'm not home. You don't have to ask why, as you understand perfectly. I have friends come feed the pets while we are gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Some of it - like putting the books into one pile - could just be being clueless, but the blinds! OMG. The effort she took to do that! It's astounding. She must really love you. And order. And getting her way. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 /shrug/ I would think she thought she was helping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Your sister seems boundary challenged. I would either ship your pets to her house for her to take care of, or ask someone with better boundaries to do it for you. No kidding! How exasperatingly presumptuous. I would board pets before leaving her with a key to my house in the future. I am honestly shocked at what some people think is perfectly ok to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 See, this totally doesn't bother me at all. My mom comes in and does things like this here and there. So does one particular friend of mine who has house-sat in the past for me. There was a time in my life that it would've made me feel annoyed/embarassed, but I'm sooo over that. I get that it bugs you, though. For that, I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 In all honesty, I'd not bring it up. Look, when I need my mom to do stuff for me, she does it HER way, and you know what? That's OK. It's NOT the end of the world that I have to refold everything, she washed it and put it away and she did the best she could. She is TRYING to do something kind and loving for you. Yes, it went over like a crap cake, but she *tried*. And, if you yell at her, she may never offer to help again. Part of people helping? Is not freaking out when they do things differently than you do. Just graciously accept their help in the way it was intended. As a gift of love. The bowls will not cause armageddon with the tupperware, just take them down. Just reconfigure the blinds and put the stuff back. And then we wonder why no one wants to help. Because they're afraid to, perhaps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Some of those things would bother me a lot. Some would bother me a little. I'd mention the things that bothered me a lot or get someone else to help me out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 When I first started reading, I thought to myself "big deal, just blow it off, I'd LOVE if someone cleaned my house", but the more I read, the more I became irritated. I would be royally ticked off if someone did all of that to my house. So sorry!! ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 In all honesty, I'd not bring it up. Look, when I need my mom to do stuff for me, she does it HER way, and you know what? That's OK. It's NOT the end of the world that I have to refold everything, she washed it and put it away and she did the best she could. She is TRYING to do something kind and loving for you. Yes, it went over like a crap cake, but she *tried*. And, if you yell at her, she may never offer to help again. Part of people helping? Is not freaking out when they do things differently than you do. Just graciously accept their help in the way it was intended. As a gift of love. The bowls will not cause armageddon with the tupperware, just take them down. Just reconfigure the blinds and put the stuff back. And then we wonder why no one wants to help. Because they're afraid to, perhaps? When you ask someone to drop by and feed the cats, it's understandable to feel annoyed when the helper doesn't just feed the cats "her way" but goes through bedrooms, kitchen cupboards, and the whole house doing things she was never asked to do "her way." The OP isn't freaking out. She actually seems rather calm. No one's yelling, and that lecture in your post seems unwarranted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I USED to get huffy about this stuff. But I REALLY have to ask myself. Someone spends THAT much time just to annoy me? I would feel kind of sad if I thought I was doing someone a favor and they were really made about it. I probably wouldn't clean someone's entire house, but I guess it depends on how comfortable you are. Maybe she feels close enough to you to do that. I tend to always see the positive. And even if I do think someone was being rude, I just refuse to believe it. I just feel really lucky when someone wants to do ANYTHING for me. It's a mindset And I didn't get that from justamouse's post. She never has a rude/lecturing tone. I know she doesn't mean it that way even if it sounds like it to someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 /shrug/ I would think she thought she was helping. Oh come on. Seriously? So she thought purposely changing 28 settings from 65 to 66 on the thermostat was helping? She thought pulling blanket out from under beds and puting them all over the house on furniture was helping? She thought going through the house and redirecting all the shades was helping? She thought purposely moving the scratching posts to where the cats are not used to it being and where it would get liter on it was helping? ++++? I call BS or OCD or both on that. I mean if it was a couple settings on the thermostat? Sure. She set it to what would make her comfy while there maybe. Whatever. She cleaned the blinds and reset them different? okay. Thought the futon wasn't made and tried to make or thought she was putting away toys and toy box lid? Weird, but livable. It's not any one or two things that makes this nuts. It's that she did ALL that and more during one round of pet visiting. That's beyond annoying. And the OP says she absolutely did know that the OP would not like it. I wouldn't say anything. No point in getting in a rift about something she can't change. But no way would she have a key to my place or be pet sitting anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 She didn't ask for any advice, just a vent. I heard ya Bean. Every word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 She's done it more than once? Then I think it is different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 She didn't ask for any advice, just a vent. I heard ya Bean. Every word. Well toot. True. Vent away bean! I heard ya too! And I don't care if you let her pet sit every day and move in. I'd think you have a heck of a lot more patience than I do tho. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 My friend has a MIL like this. Except that she doesn't mind rearranging her pantry or linen closet while my friend is home. I was over one time for a party and there is her MIL pulling everything out of a cabinet because it "wasn't done right". My friend has the patience of a saint. Or....She went mad a long time ago and I just completely numb! OP, I feel ya. I would freak and find friends to watch the house from now on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 OMG Bean. I'm so sorry. I think I'm your sister. Seriously, though... I have done things like that. Is your sister OCD or have OCD tendencies? Many of the things you said sound a bit classic OCD. I really do try not to do stuff like that, but sometimes I cannot stop myself. I usually feel pretty bad about it later. Maybe she does, too, and just doesn't know what to say? Or, maybe she's yanking your chain, just to mess with you. Sisters are like that. Just ask my poor brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Audrey, did you ever take down somebody's blinds and turn 'em around? I'm with farrarwilliams. That was the weirdest thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Audrey, did you ever take down somebody's blinds and turn 'em around? I'm with farrarwilliams. That was the weirdest thing. Did she turn them around? I was picturing her just rotating them the other way, not physically turning the whole blind around at the header. Have to read the OP again... ETA: I think she just rotated them the opposite way. Still annoying as all get-out & certainly deliberate & time-consuming. But not as bad as turning them totally around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Audrey, did you ever take down somebody's blinds and turn 'em around? I'm with farrarwilliams. That was the weirdest thing. No. No, I haven't. But... I don't think you have to take the blinds down. I think you just have to turn the turny thingy all the way the other way. That's how mine work, at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 OH. Just rotated the lever thingy. LOL I was picturing re-hanging the blinds. It's been a long day! Just turning them the other way wouldn't bother me at all, although like the OP I like the round part facing in. I would just see that as opening and closing the blinds, not as actually changing anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I am really OCD about blinds. I can so see embarrassing myself by doing this without even realizing it. maybe not the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 This kind of thing with boundary problems about other people's things and space drives me nuts !!! I don't think I would ever be able to bring myself to give her unsupervised access to the house again. I would rather hire a professional petsitter who would not have some odd need to mess with anything that didn't directly relate to caring for the animals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Why would someone with OCD put all the blinds up backwards? The cost of pet care is too high. I'd get someone who would just feed the pets and not snoop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I agree with Audrey- my first thought was she was messing with you- is she the practical joking type? Maybe she thought it was funny? Is too bizarre to think this was all done for real! =P I have a bit of OCD and have been known to flip the toilet paper over or make sure all of the blinds in one room are slanted the same way, but this is really out there!! Why would she do all of this? It's just weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I am really OCD about blinds. I can so see embarrassing myself by doing this without even realizing it. maybe not the rest. I can see doing it on accident, opening or closing the blinds for another reason & doing it 'your way' out of habit. But all the blinds in the house? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 :grouphug: One time my mom ticked off my aunt. We went on a vacation. When we came back, all of the furniture in our house was turned around. Couches facing walls, even picture frames hung backwards on the walls. I'm not saying that you should maybe stop by your sister's house some time while she's out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I don't blame you for needing to vent. Personally, I'd feel very uncomfortable if someone went through my house doing all those things. I'd never dream of going into someone else's house, even a family member or my best friend, and basically rearranging the place to suit my needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 In all honesty, I'd not bring it up. Look, when I need my mom to do stuff for me, she does it HER way, and you know what? That's OK. It's NOT the end of the world that I have to refold everything, she washed it and put it away and she did the best she could. She is TRYING to do something kind and loving for you. Yes, it went over like a crap cake, but she *tried*. And, if you yell at her, she may never offer to help again. Part of people helping? Is not freaking out when they do things differently than you do. Just graciously accept their help in the way it was intended. As a gift of love. The bowls will not cause armageddon with the tupperware, just take them down. Just reconfigure the blinds and put the stuff back. And then we wonder why no one wants to help. Because they're afraid to, perhaps? :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: It's annoying, but let it go! I wish I could have someone do all this to me when I went on a trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 :grouphug: One time my mom ticked off my aunt. We went on a vacation. When we came back, all of the furniture in our house was turned around. Couches facing walls, even picture frames hung backwards on the walls. I'm not saying that you should maybe stop by your sister's house some time while she's out... Oh yeah! I change everything I previously said. OP needs to do this. Tape her reaction and please share it here. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Oi, I'd do a cartwheel of joy if someone cleaned my house for me. I have a step-sister I can trade for your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I'd be seriously tempted to go to her house and do the same thing to her. My mother-in-law did this to me once. I had to have a very serious and direct talk with her about it, but I only had to have it once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Oh come on. Seriously? So she thought purposely changing 28 settings from 65 to 66 on the thermostat was helping? She thought pulling blanket out from under beds and puting them all over the house on furniture was helping? She thought going through the house and redirecting all the shades was helping? She thought purposely moving the scratching posts to where the cats are not used to it being and where it would get liter on it was helping? ++++? I call BS or OCD or both on that. I mean if it was a couple settings on the thermostat? Sure. She set it to what would make her comfy while there maybe. Whatever. She cleaned the blinds and reset them different? okay. Thought the futon wasn't made and tried to make or thought she was putting away toys and toy box lid? Weird, but livable. It's not any one or two things that makes this nuts. It's that she did ALL that and more during one round of pet visiting. That's beyond annoying. And the OP says she absolutely did know that the OP would not like it. I wouldn't say anything. No point in getting in a rift about something she can't change. But no way would she have a key to my place or be pet sitting anymore. /shrug/ not something worth getting your knickers in a knot over. To me the sister was helping. It is a shame that so many people view helping as such a bad thing. I have gone to peoples houses and done stuff similar. ( not while pet sitting) I House sat once and cleaned their freezer. I didn't throw anything out, it was the top of the fridge freezer and the door had so much ice on it that it wouldn't close. I have also visited friends (who have many children ) and just walked up their sink and washed all the dishes, or hung out a load of washing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I have a mil who does that sort of thing, but she's doing it because she's a control freak and seems to like people unsettled. she was living with us, and we came back from vacation a day early. she came rushing out yelling "you're not supposed to be home yet". (what was your first clue?) our bed was in the living room (in pieces), . . . . my I can't believe I can no longer remember everything (it's been nearly 30 years). anyway, all was topsy turvy and had to be put back together before we could do anything. doesnt' matter why your sister did the things she did, I guess you'll need to have a neighbor feed your cats next time you're gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 That definitely crosses a line. Yes. Helpful: Go in to feed cats. Open dishwasher to put cat feeding related implement in, and realize the dishes are clean. Put dishes away, guessing where some of them go. Not helpful: Go in to feed cats. Go room to room looking for all the things the home owner does "wrong" so you can "fix". Understandable: Adjust the thermostat so you are more comfortable while feeding cats. Control issues: Change 28 settings on the thermostat ONE degree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I am not saying OP can't vent. I get that. What I am speaking against is the dogpile on the sister and how it is Just. Not. Done. When you ask someone to drop by and feed the cats, it's understandable to feel annoyed when the helper doesn't just feed the cats "her way" but goes through bedrooms, kitchen cupboards, and the whole house doing things she was never asked to do "her way." The OP isn't freaking out. She actually seems rather calm. No one's yelling, and that lecture in your post seems unwarranted. Like I said, people don't know what to do with other people's help anymore. This is a sister, not a stranger. There is an intimacy there. I am telling you, if OP called up yelling, sister is going to be baffled as to what she did, she was only trying to help. She was trying to make it just perfect, and look pretty for her sister when she got home. It was Her way of showing kindness. I can imagine she thought she was setting it up so that when sister walked in, she saw her house looking pretty and it would help her transition back to home more easily. (When I go on vacation my house better be SPOTLESS when I get back because I don't need One More Thing To Do at that point) THe thermostat settings? I am willing to bet that if she calls sister and says, "Hey, what's up with the thermostat?" Sister says, "I was trying to reset it for the animals---(whatever she would reset it for) and I forgot to set it back," or "I couldn't figure out how to make it go back" I would break my thermostats. I have no idea how to use them and could care less. But I very much doubt she reset 28 of them On Purpose. And yes, all can be askew in the house but the blinds had better damn well be straight. I cannot look at crooked lines on the wall. We have no blinds in this house... And maybe she HAS OCD. So just thank her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 My mother is banned from my house because after 25 years of her rearranging everything I have had enough. She has not crossed my threshold in over 6 years. Apparently after 25 years of me telling her I don't want/need/appreciate her moving things around my house she could not take a hint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Have you seen the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? This post reminds me of the controlling abusive husband. *shiver* My mom is like this and she is no longer allowed in my home alone and we don't leave the kids with her anymore because she takes it upon herself to immediately start talking to them about things like sex, drugs, and God as soon as we leave the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 Have you seen the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? This post reminds me of the controlling abusive husband. *shiver* My mom is like this and she is no longer allowed in my home alone and we don't leave the kids with her anymore because she takes it upon herself to immediately start talking to them about things like sex, drugs, and God as soon as we leave the room. That shouldn't make me laugh, but it did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I am very particular about where I keep things, everything has its place. I presume other people live the same way. Some of those things I wouldn't care about, resetting the thermostat was so unnecessary after you told her it needed to stay at 65 (heck some of those are a pain to reset - why even mess with it!) Blankets spread all over the furniture? Scents sprayed? (that alone would give me an asthma attack). She wouldn't be housitting for me again, probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted December 20, 2012 Share Posted December 20, 2012 I would be really annoyed as well. Her actions seem to be very intrusive (unless she tends to be absent minded and goes into an automatic mode a lot?) However, the real reason I opened this thread is because this is what I "read" in preview: "My sister stopped feeding my pets. She cleaned my horse." :eek: I need a coffee! Now, don't you think that would have been much worse? :001_cool: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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