When Do You Tell (Pregnancy)

[Impish]

Wolf and I told Diva last wk about my being pregnant. Honestly, a big part of the reason we told her was b/c of Wolf having to be away all wk, and the spectre of an ectopic. I needed Diva to be aware of the situation in case something happened, and I needed medical assistance.

 

Even w/Boo, we told her before the Littles. We waited to tell her til about 12 wks, the Littles once my tummy was big enough to start noticing.

 

The only ppl I've told irl are ones that I needed to know...like my neighbour, who if something was going wrong, would either give me a ride, come mind the kids, etc. And, of course, asking for prayer here.

 

Wolf, on the other hand, is telling E.V.E.R.Y.B.O.D.Y. His cousins, his brother, his friend in another province.

 

It really startles me. And makes me a bit uncomfortable. I mean, we haven't been cleared on the ectopic issue yet, and he's telling everyone. (and not mentioning the possibility of an ectopic) Except his mother. He says we'll just show up w/an extra next time we see her :lol:

 

I prefer not to tell anyone until a) I've been cleared of an ectopic, and b) after the 12 wk mark, what I think of as the 'danger zone'.

 

Part of me wants to tell him to cut it out, to not say anything til we're past the 12 wk mark.

 

When did you start telling ppl?

[JenC3]

Last year we told around 7 weeks, but this time around we waited until I was 10-12 weeks (when we got an HB) for most everyone else. I announced on FB when the second trimester started.

[Unicorn.]

I agree w/ you completely for all the same reasons. However, it's really cute that he is so excited, and honestly, if he's told that many people- it's too late to stop it.

[Um_2_4]

Usually wait until I show, except for close friends who might wonder why I"m not up to my usual activities. But with the twins, DS (then 5) overheard me on the phone talking to the dr after my 1st U/S (when we found out it was 2) and as soon as I stepped out of my bedroom... yelled "mommy is having 2 babies !!!!" So I think the whole neighborhood knew then (we lived close to good friends then) !!

 

I asked him how he figured it out and apparently he has watched too many medical shows, cuz he said "you were talking about an u/s and 2 of them" (I was careful not to use words like babies, or pregnancy because it was a small apt and I knew he could hear)! He said u/s are the pictures the take of mommoy's tummies when there are babies in them. (u/s pics are in their baby books)

[cjzimmer1]

I wait at long as possible. With my first pregnancy we told everyone immediately, of course word spread in our social circle so everyone knew. When I miscarried, the word didn't spread so fast, people would continually ask me how I was doing and I had to retell that I lost the baby. It was so hard. I struggled for months with that. My husband so how much that hurt me so even though he would tell the second he knew, he understands for my mental health he has to keep quiet. He desperately wanted to tell his best friend but best friends wife is a gossip so he couldn't even share with that person.

 

So in answer to your question, we tell my family after 12 weeks (because they are helpful and supportive and won't tell the kids). When the kids were younger we told them just before the 20 weeks ultrasound (My body carries babies wierd and I never "look" pregnant so it's easy to hide), everyone else (including DH's family) finds out when the kids decide to share the news. However, this time around we did tell oldest early because I was quite sick and he was concerned (he's my worry wart), but this is the first time a kid has actually commented on any symptoms (despite my 4 year old telling people I was pregnant this time without even knowing it was true)

[happypamama]

I think that's so sweet that Wolf is so excited that he's telling everyone! But I can understand why that might be unnerving for you.

 

We tell people early, like a day or so after we get a positive. In our case, my parents have already had the Unthinkable happen (death of a preborn grandchild), so we figure that even if we were to have an early loss, we want to give them every chance to be excited and happy first. (It helps that they've been as thrilled about their ninth grandchild as they were about the first.) We gradually tell family and close friends fairly early, less-close friends and coworkers gradually, usually sometime in the second trimester or so. I think last time, I had told a few people but made a more general announcement to a lot of friends, including local people, as part of a Happy New Year FB post, which was about 10 weeks (but I show pretty early).

[WistfulRidge]

With DS1 and DS2 we told our BFFs and my mom (... who "told" my siblings because she is the world's worst secret keeper) right around 6 or 7 weeks. DHs parents and siblings around 10. This time we told BFFs at 8 weeks, my family at 9.5, DH's family at 13 weeks, and then I finally got around to putting it on FB at 19 weeks because other friends and family would have been terribly offended if I put off telling much longer.

 

DH and I have discovered that "telling" for us isn't really a big deal mainly because we view as something that is not other people's business. We enjoy having people be happy for us, but as we're already getting the "Don't you know what causes that?" "When are you guys going to stop?!?" comments... *shrugs*. We tell those we know will be happy and the rest can figure it out on their own :p

[kwickimom]

I told at 10 weeks because people could tell, but wanted to wait til 12 weeks. Wish I waited til 12 weeks as I miscarried 4 days before my appt and had to tell the bad news to all.

 

All other pregnancies I waited til 12 weeks and an appt with a heartbeat.

[SproutMamaK]

We don't tell anyone - and I do mean ANYONE, parents and family included - until after the 20 week ultrasound. We have a history of late-term miscarriages being discovered at that ultrasound (4 now), and I just hate dealing with all the awkwardness that comes from that.

[Impish]

We don't tell anyone - and I do mean ANYONE, parents and family included - until after the 20 week ultrasound. We have a history of late-term miscarriages being discovered at that ultrasound (4 now), and I just hate dealing with all the awkwardness that comes from that.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Honestly, Wolf's been blown away at how things have come together, and I think that's a big part of the reason he's telling ppl.

 

I mean...

 

Found out I was pregnant on a Friday.

Made the decision, due to lack of medical care in the area that we needed to move to the city, since that's where they'd be sending me anyways.

Checked out rental properties on the Sun.

Wolf called and set up a job interview on Mon.

Got a call offering us the place we wanted on Mon.

Went for a job interview Tues. Got the job.

Signed the least on Tues after the interview.

Started the new job, staying at the new place the following Monday.

 

It really just all snapped into place at lightening speed.

[thebarefootamazon]

I tell before the pee dries on the stick. I've never miscarried but my way of thinking was that if I did, I would want the support from family and friends.

[Tap]

With our first, we told right away.

 

With our second, we told right away but ended up losing her at 22 weeks.

 

With our third, we waited until we got all her genetic testing results back (to rule out the issue that our second had) around 12 weeks. There were a couple people who knew after about 8 weeks, but they were sworn to secrecy.

 

 

 

I agree with you on waiting, but honestly it sounds like the cat is out of the bag, especially with family, so I would just go with it. I wouldn't be telling the checker at the grocery store, but for close friends, I would let him share the happy news to his hearts content.

[Impish]

I tell before the pee dries on the stick. I've never miscarried but my way of thinking was that if I did, I would want the support from family and friends.

I can understand that.

 

I'm not telling the little kids until things are further along...if for no other reason than them driving me crazy :lol:

'

Wolf's confident that everything is fine, will be fine, there's nothing to worry about in the slightest. For him, positive EPT = Baby.

 

I'm just not that confident.

[Changed]

I tell before the pee dries on the stick. I've never miscarried but my way of thinking was that if I did, I would want the support from family and friends.

 

Me too.

[Impish]

With our first, we told right away.

 

With our second, we told right away but ended up losing her at 22 weeks.

 

With our third, we waited until we got all her genetic testing results back (to rule out the issue that our second had) around 12 weeks. There were a couple people who knew after about 8 weeks, but they were sworn to secrecy.

 

 

 

I agree with you on waiting, but honestly it sounds like the cat is out of the bag, especially with family, so I would just go with it. I wouldn't be telling the checker at the grocery store, but for close friends, I would let him share the happy news to his hearts content.

Well, select members of his family. His cousins have been sworn to secrecy, b/c he doesn't want to deal w/his mother's reaction at this point, and if his aunt finds out, she'll be running to his mother. :lol:

[Tammyla]

It should be up to the mom-to-be.

 

Around 12 weeks falls into many expectant moms comfort zone.

[KungFuPanda]

First: Right Away

 

Second: 12 weeks

 

There won't be a third, but if there WAS, I think it would be fun to not tell anyone and wait for folks to notice. Out-of-town relatives eventually get to meet this extra kid they didn't know about. :D

[ChristusG]

I tell before the pee dries on the stick. I've never miscarried but my way of thinking was that if I did, I would want the support from family and friends.

 

:iagree:

[A.Balaban]

I am leaning either way. Telling everyone right away, or waiting. Medically speaking, I am at risk for second-trimester miscarriages.

[happyhomemaker25]

I like to wait until at least the first u/s. With Lily I told after we heard her heartbeat. With ectopic I'd told a few close friends. With my two early miscarriages I told some online friends. With this one I told a few close friends and my mom until I had my early u/s to rule out ectopic. Then I told a couple of more people because I was going on a camping trip and needed them to know that I was exhausted for a reason. After my 10w u/s which showed strong h/b and growing baby we decided to not wait 2 more weeks and go ahead and start telling people. I go again on the 19th for a 12 week u/s and I'm still really nervous, but I figure at this point if I were to lose the baby I would still tell people about it for the memory. We did not tell my kids until we were ready for everyone to know, because they (especially my oldest) are blabbermouths.

[ocelotmom]

We told the kids pretty early. Maybe at 7 weeks or so? I was going to wait longer, but I was so sick and exhausted that DS realized something was up, and I didn't want him to worry.

 

I told some friends pretty much immediately because I needed the support.

 

I told my family around 14 weeks. I probably would have told them a bit earlier, but they were visiting then and telling them in person seemed better.

[Amy Jo]

I agree w/ you completely for all the same reasons. However, it's really cute that he is so excited, and honestly, if he's told that many people- it's too late to stop it.

 

:iagree: I made DH wait until 12 weeks.

[Jpoy85]

Well there is no "safety" zone with pregnancy. Anything can go wrong whether now or 40wks. 12wks is not a magic number. Your risk lowers but doesnt go away.

 

I would tell people when you feel ready. :grouphug:

[ocelotmom]

There won't be a third, but if there WAS, I think it would be fun to not tell anyone and wait for folks to notice. Out-of-town relatives eventually get to meet this extra kid they didn't know about. :D

 

That's what I like to do with people I'm not close to. I don't show until about 28 weeks and can hide it until closer to 34.

[PentecostalMom]

With littlest ds we told about 16 weeks, before that with 3yo dd we didn't tell until about 6 months because I had a m/c about 14 weeks between the two little dd's.

[Guest]

Well there is no "safety" zone with pregnancy. Anything can go wrong whether now or 40wks. 12wks is not a magic number. Your risk lowers but doesnt go away.

 

I would tell people when you feel ready. :grouphug:

 

Yeah, with ds, we waited until the magic 12 weeks. Wouldn't you know I had problems at 13 weeks...with both kids.

 

:grouphug:

[ErinE]

We waited for the eldest two until 12 weeks except for those who needed to know. Too many friends have had miscarriages. For the latest kid, we told at 11 weeks but we'd had a 10-week ultrasound and I was showing and obviously suffering from morning sickness.

[Wabi Sabi]

I tell before the pee dries on the stick. I've never miscarried but my way of thinking was that if I did, I would want the support from family and friends.

 

This exactly. Even if something were to happen to the pregnancy I wouldn't want to have to suffer in silence.

[Lolly]

I wait until around 13 or 14 weeks. But with twins, I showed earlier than that. Even with ds, my last, I had a friend who noticed that bump by 9 weeks. I was skinny...Today, this would not be a problem! I could hide a baby almost the whole 9 mths at this point in my life.:lol:

[Chris in VA]

Pretty much right away. We want prayer.

I actually told our congregation the same time I told my husband, with second ds. I don't recommend it, but it was rather fun!

[Whereneverever]

We tell people right away. I like knowing that we have a lot of people praying for the little one- it helps me rest easier.

[I.Dup.]

I went through this thing with #4 and #5 where I was so sick of the negativity I knew we would get (especially from dh's side of the family) that I refused to tell anyone until 20 weeks.

 

That was before facebook. Now I spill my guts on facebook and didn't want to not be able to complain about not feeling well, muse about baby names, all of that fun stuff. So we told right away. I knew I'd have tons of friends on facebook be totally supportive and excited for us, so that helped. Facebook has really changed the world, lol.

[LMD]

Last time we decided not to tell anyone until 12 weeks, my dh just walked around grinning like a fool! , I found out we'd lost him/her at 11 wks 6 days. It was bad timing & honestly noone would have been happy for us.

Previously we'd told most people earlier, except with my oldest, because I was spooked by a previous loss.

 

Congrats imp!

[LucyStoner]

I have had three losses to each of my 2 sucessful pregnancies. I might tell my sons past about 10 weeks and everyone else? When I am needing new pants.

[Soror]

We've always told right away as I'm not good at keeping secrets.

[Mama Geek]

We figured out that I was pregnant in Sept and we waited until Christmas. It was my first pregnancy after many years of trying and I was high risk, so we waited.

[LucyStoner]

Strange delayed 2x post thanks to phone deleted.

[momto10blessings]

We do not tell until after our 20 week ultrasound. The latest was 27 wks. If we could, I would not tell anyone but our kids. We could always tell them when we ask for prayers going into the delivery room:D

 

I just like having a secret! I also think it is funny that my husband's sister gets furious at us each time.

 

But we do appreciate the prayers during pregnancy

[Audrey]

He told his parents, and I told my dad and grandma after about 3 months. We didn't tell anyone else. They figured it out on their own.

 

I'm kind of private about things like that. Dh was respectful of me on the issue. I don't want or need the attention that announcements like that bring.

 

YMMV.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Ds#1 I called almost everyone in my family almost as soon as I got the positive test. :lol:

 

Ds#2 We waited until 12 weeks, except for dh's tiny side of the family (who live in the area) and my best friend.

 

I might be pregnant right now, we'll see. If I am, we will wait until 3 months again, for various reasons. I don't want the kids to know until then, either. (If I am, I will post it here because I'd be bursting to tell. :tongue_smilie:)

[LittleIzumi]

Normally when we hear the heartbeat. Ths time I popped so early we couldn't hide it if we wanted to! So it was more like eight weeks.

[sbgrace]

Because of a miscarriage history we told people who would be supports in case of another miscarriage--some family and close friends. We waiting until 12 weeks to tell anyone else.

Edited November 8, 2012 by sbgrace