What is the bitterest truth you've learned?

[pdalley]

I'm feeling very off topic tonight:tongue_smilie:.

 

Regarding "it". My best definition of "it" is both people in a marriage realizing that the other person is completely insane for dealing with your crud, yet totally appreciating their stupidity for dealing with you. Dh and I both acknowledge the other one is completely mental for dealing with the crud, yet we thoroughly appreciate the effort the other one puts into the marriage. It isn't "perfect", but it sure is fulfilling. It also doesn't hurt that dh is a total hottie;).

 

 

 

:iagree: I love this explanation. There are going to be days where you roll over or they do and think 'What was I thinking?' but those days pass and I find there are more days when I roll over and think 'What did I do without you?' or he's the first person I call to share something we both find funny or important.

 

Or as Harry said to Sally, 'I love that you're the first person I want to talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to before I fall asleep'. No, I don't always feel that way and neither does he but more often than not - it's there.

 

 

To get back on topic with the thread:

 

One of the bitter truths I learned is that church is full of people and people aren't perfect. :tongue_smilie:

[Harriet Vane]

Another bitter lesson has been that family dynamics do not change because I put out more effort.

 

 

 

.

 

:iagree:

 

So true, and the theme of this year in particular for me.

[GWOB]

I can never have the relationship and conversations with my parents that I need to have.

 

However, not all is lost.

 

I get a second chance at a parent-child relationship. I get the chance to be there for my kids in the relationship and conversations that THEY need.

 

I'm going to do the best I can. And I am humbly blessed with a partner who knows what he is doing in this area.

 

You are not alone with that one. :grouphug:

[Caroline]

One more--Everyone has terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Even in Australia.

[Alicia64]

I always thought when I was older and mature, I'd have deep friendships. I have sadly found this to be false. :)

 

This is me. I thought I'd forge great friendships. And it just doesn't happen no matter what I do.

 

Alley

[momtoamiracle]

Just because you are healthy and have never abused your body in any way doesn't mean that the children you conceive will survive. Just because you get pregnant doesn't mean you will have a child.

 

 

 

 

And just because you grew up close with a sibling doesn't mean they will be close to you when you grow up. They may not even give you the time of day...

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

The bitterest truth I've learned is you can't take something back once you've said it.

 

That and it's a very lonely road when you choose to be unconventional.

[momtoamiracle]

That being tough comes from having to do really difficult things or go through really difficult things.

 

 

 

 

So so true! My sister hasn't gone through any tough times in her 50 years and she is the most opposite of tough you can imagine. She doesn't want to deal with any kind of ripple in life. It must stay so she can be comfortable at all times.

 

 

Drives me up the wall. She would have never survived what I've been through.

[justamouse]

That no matter how much you care, how much effort you put into someone, how much attention and love you shower on them--they can still turn it away.

 

It's a chance you take in life. And it's a beautiful thing.

Edited November 3, 2012 by justamouse

[justamouse]

One more--Everyone has terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Even in Australia.

 

:D

[justamouse]

Wow...I have no idea. I think I'm too much of a Pollyanna for most of this. I always expect things to get better than they are, and I honestly try to see the good in everyone. I love being happy waaaay too much to be bitter with life. :D

 

This is me, too. Total Pollyanna. Tigger to the core.

[PiCO]

What has been your bitterest lesson?

 

That I shouldn't open threads with depressing titles.

[Walking-Iris]

That I shouldn't open threads with depressing titles.

 

Isn't that the truth!!!

 

I think for me personally. I have very little faith in humanity as a whole. Sure people do good things everyday. Groups of people do good things. But when you study history from the dawn of Time to the present?----people will always seek to subjugate other people, people will destroy the Earth, people will wage war and cruelties on others, people will argue and hate and fight because of a skin color, religious belief, anything at all.

 

I honestly feel as though humans are innately good. Grown adults and culture ruin children, they are born beautiful and good. But humanity as a whole seems like a plague on this planet at times.

 

And yet I still care for my fellow humans. And that's where the bitter comes in. I care and yet **** it they make it so hard to care at the same time when they destroy each other again and again.

[Unscripted]

Never trust a fart.

[Night Elf]

People say if you want something bad enough and work hard enough for it, that you can have whatever it is. That's total baloney. We simply don't get everything we want no matter how much we wish and pray for it.

 

And a second one. True friends are really, really hard to find.

[Murphy101]

Originally Posted by NaturalKate

That I am the source of my own undoing; my depression, my pitfalls, my flaws. I would love to blame it on anything else, but really, it all comes down to me. I cant blame anyone....it's a really bitter truth.

 

But like all bitter truths, once you own it, you have the power to chose what you want to make of it. So now I know I am my own worst enemy, how then shall I live? It's scary but empowering.

 

Yes. It isn't always empowering. I've come to the bitter truth that sometimes you can't escape being the f-up product of the childhood your parents gave you. That you can't get rid of that baggage. But you can build the spiritual muscle to carry it instead of letting it drag you down. I hope anyways. Hope to hell being wrong about that doesn't become a future bitter truth.

 

That time does NOT heal all pain. You just get a higher tolerance for pain.

 

 

Indeed. It isn't that time heals the pain or the regrets. You just forget what it was like to not feel the pain.

[ereks mom]

Sometimes, no matter how much you want something, you can't have it.

 

:iagree: This one has been hard for me too. It's especially hard to accept this when the "something" you want is for someone you care about to do the right thing.

[ereks mom]

My most bitter truth is that the people I love end up suffering more for my mistakes than I do myself. And I end up suffering more from my dh's or children's mistakes than they do. Interconnectedness. Painful as it is wonderful.

 

Profound. :grouphug:

[Julie Smith]

What has been your bitterest lesson?

 

I can't think of a single bitter lesson, and I have been thinking of it off and on since this thread began.

[KidsHappen]

Sometimes, love is not enough.:crying:

[KidsHappen]

That time does NOT heal all pain. You just get a higher tolerance for pain.

 

 

 

.

 

:iagree: But sometimes I worry that there has to be an upper limit at which you can handle no more. What do you do then?

[KidsHappen]

Never trust a fart.

 

;)

[texasmama]

That people you love and need will die while you still love and need them and that nothing can be done to change that outcome.

 

I don't know why this came as a such a shock to me, but it did.

[Kari C in SC]

Life is hard. People die. It sucks and there is nothing you can do about. So, keep going and hope that there really is an afterlife somewhere. As my son's tattoo said in Arabic - "Appreciate what you have. Never forget."

[Parrothead]

I've read through this thread and for almost every truth mentioned I'd nod and say, "Yup, learned that one early." Maybe because I learned so many so early in life I reached the other side.

 

I've suffered loss, abuse, fear, ridicule and many other negative aspects of life.

 

One can't let these truths make one crazy. Don't take it personally. Don't take it to heart. One must find one's peace with the ugly truth in life.

 

:grouphug: for all.

[Kari C in SC]

That time does NOT heal all pain. You just get a higher tolerance for pain.

 

 

 

.

 

Exactly. I tell people that it is not that it gets easier to lose your child, you just learn to live with the pain. It is still there, it just has become such a part of you - that it doesn't always show the way it did in the beginning.

[MrsMe]

Employees can rip you off, not show up, lie on their timesheet and still get unemployment.

[Impish]

That there are ppl who honestly do enjoy causing other's pain.

 

And there's nobody safe from them.

 

That you can do everything you can *right*, you can try, over and over and over again, and not succeed.

 

That family doesn't = love.

 

Being strong is exhausting, and there's no ability to hand it off, to say, "Time out!" and take a break...it's keep moving, keep going...there's just not another option.

[Anne in CA]

That no matter how nice I try to be, no matter how much I try to help others, there will always be people who hate me, and try to destroy me just because I'm happy.

 

As an adult it is shocking to me how many people resent my very happiness.

[Ipsey]

Ooh, I don't really know how to phrase it. . .

 

It has to do with faith and religion.

 

I learned that doing something (or lots of things) based on faith and belief, that you wouldn't do without that faith and belief, will cause you no end of grief/pain/etc. when you realize that faith/belief is not real.

 

I'm not explaining it well. But if I had never been a serious, believing Christian, I would not be suffering for many of the actions I had performed while I was. (It probably would be easier if I still believed--in that way, I could at least have some justification for them.)

[Murphy101]

As an adult it is shocking to me how many people resent my very happiness.

 

This one always sticks. It's such an alien reaction to me that much as I've come to expect it, I will never understand it. So I rarely share our joys with anyone. And of course if you can't share your joys with them, you are unlikely to share your sorrows either.

 

Other than dh, I just don't bother to open to anyone anymore.

[BugsMama]

You CAN'T grow up to be whatever you want to be.

 

And, I can't have it all.... and I made my decision as to what I WAS going to have a long time ago. There is an opportunity cost for every decision.

[BugsMama]

Ooh, I don't really know how to phrase it. . .

 

It has to do with faith and religion.

 

I learned that doing something (or lots of things) based on faith and belief, that you wouldn't do without that faith and belief, will cause you no end of grief/pain/etc. when you realize that faith/belief is not real.

 

I'm not explaining it well. But if I had never been a serious, believing Christian, I would not be suffering for many of the actions I had performed while I was. (It probably would be easier if I still believed--in that way, I could at least have some justification for them.)

 

I get what you are saying I think. I'm an ex-mormon.... and I just had this epiphany last month when I ran into my ex-husband and realized the values I had then, which were a major factor in our divorce, are no longer the values I hold, and the person I am now, never would have divorced him over the issues we had then. I am happy in my second marriage, and wouldn't change it for a world, but it's an ugly feeling (full of anger, shame and sadness) to see all the hurt and pain caused to all of us (kids included) for a god and religion that holds no water with me anymore.

[butterflymommy]

I have a few. It was never a surprise to me that people can be selfish, cruel, irrational, turncoat... I've always known that and could have told you that as a little kid. So there was never any truth there to learn since I always knew it.

 

But as I progress through adulthood these things have surprised me.

 

Once you're married and a SAHM, you're pretty much trapped.

 

Money isn't everything-- but it is almost everything.

 

The further we go through life, the more life becomes a story of lost & squandered opportunities. There are so many doors open at a certain point in our lives, and they progressively close one after another as we get older.

 

Privacy is one of the most valuable things you will ever have, second only to children or faith.

 

God (IMO) exists but does not seem to care much about his creation.

[mom4him]

You can do something, truly believing you are protecting/helping someone and it can be turned around to where you are the evil wicked witch determined to destroy. That when this happens it is near impossible to turn it around. Maybe you should just let the cards fall where they may and what ever happens happens. At least you don't end up in the middle of the mess you originally had no part in.:tongue_smilie:

[PollyOR]

This is as good as it gets.

 

This truth hit me in February and I cried every day for months. Hope fled yet life goes on. I get up every day and chauffeur my kids to their activities. I still laugh at my own potty mouth jokes. I stuff my disappointment down as deep as I can when it tries to rear it's ugly head. But, I really don't see the point to any of this anymore.

 

Depressing? Yep, but like I said, I ignore it as best I can most days.

[edelweiss]

So many truths on this thread. :grouphug:

 

Really, really try to enjoy the good days because there are bad ones coming just around the corner.

 

There isn't any point to life. It just is. I wish that I had realized this before I decided to have children.

[sagira]

What an apt thread for today :glare:

 

Some bitter truths I have gleaned recently:

 

My death won't be of so much consequence as I thought.

Living day to day and raising children is challenging and they stretch you more than almost anything else life can bring you.

Humans are fragile.

Intentions are not enough. You can hurt people deeply without meaning to.

I don't have patience with emotions.

As human beings, we often don't only sabotage the happiness of others, consciously or subconsciously, but that of ourselves.

[I.Dup.]

Love is rarely reciprocated.

[SunnyDays]

Good thread.... it may be a little depressing, but it's very real.

 

That you can't overcome all your fears and flaws with prayer and positive thinking, as so many would have you believe.

 

That you can't truly be whatever you want when you grow up. And that you can spend the rest of your life not knowing what you want to be when you grow up. And that, as someone else said, once you've shifted to staying home with kids, there is a point of no return to a career track. I like how someone put it upthread... there are opportunity costs for everything, and the older you get, the more doors are closed to you.

 

That sometimes, no matter what you do, it will never be enough for some people.

[TravelingChris]

Actually when I think about it, I am not bitter and never have been. I did post a hard truth I have learned but it hasn't made me bitter, just sad in a way. But like I saw on tv about a completely different matter, I don't do bitter.

[MicheleinMN]

My bitterest truth is that I am not the person I thought I was.

[I.Dup.]

Oh and I am SO not a Pollyanna type. Nope, not any part of me. :lol: Seriously. I'm not sure if it has to do with being an introvert or not, but I have never been pollyanna-ish.

[jenL]

That no matter how healthy you are and how good you take care of yourself, that does not make you immune to disease. Cancer kills whomever it feels like targeting.

[SunnyDays]

Oh and I am SO not a Pollyanna type. Nope, not any part of me. :lol: Seriously. I'm not sure if it has to do with being an introvert or not, but I have never been pollyanna-ish.

 

Same here. I'm more of a Murphy's Law kind of gal... :lol:

[SKL]

Actually when I think about it, I am not bitter and never have been.

 

:iagree: Either that or my memory has gone.

 

I have learned many things about the limitations of humanity. But they don't make me love humanity less. If anything they make me accept humanity more.

 

But it could also be that I haven't suffered enough yet. Being 46, I'm only halfway through the journey if that. However, I hope to never become bitter. Seems like it would block the opportunity to enjoy the good stuff.

[Researcher]

:iagree:to both of these.

 

As well as despite parents working hard to convince their children otherwise, Monsters are real, they just aren't lurking under your bed.

 

 

Wow! This sent shivers up my spine because it's so true.

 

There are so many truths on this thread; I'll just have to say :iagree:

[swellmomma]

Same here. I'm more of a Murphy's Law kind of gal... :lol:

 

:lol: That darned Murphy is always around. He drive me nuts.

 

 

In that regard another bitter truth is bad things really do happen to good people. And some people are magnets for crazies, drama and other such things. Without bad luck they would have no luck.

[Meriwether]

That I will outlive my child.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[*********]

That death is very final. When someone you love dies, they're gone. There's no more opportunities to show them your love.

 

I know it seems obvious to most. But the finality of death never hit me until my mother in law died 2 years ago. She and I weren't close; but I had held out hope that we would someday *become* close. Not having the opportunity to develop the relationship I had hoped for with her has been hard to accept.

 

When she died, it was so hard for me to accept the finality of death. She was the first person close to me that had died (other than when I was a child).

 

Then my dh's father died earlier this year. He was always so kind to me. I still somehow literally struggle with believing that I'll never get to talk to him again.

 

And that makes what's going on with my own father SO much harder for me to deal with. I don't want dad to die. I don't want to never be able to see, talk to, or hug him again.

 

So, yeah. The finality of death. Bitter truth for me.