Does the man of your house have a chair, and

[Nestof3]

What are his expectations regarding it? (not including kitchen/dining chairs) Does he expect the kids to get out of it when he comes home? Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect? Does he expect you to get out of it when he is around? If you are a man, just answer for yourself.

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?

 

Let me clarify that this isn't about anyone sitting on the floor. :)

 

If you are comfortable, could you also state:

 

1. If this practice was held in man's house when he was a kid

 

2. Religion (if any) of man

 

Please don't answer if this offends you or if you feel it is too private :)

Edited July 9, 2012 by nestof3

[Aura]

My dad had a chair. It was his chair, and he had first claim. If we were in it and he came in the room, sometimes, he'd tell us to get out. Other times, he'd just sit on us. :lol:

 

My dh has a chair, but he doesn't lay claim to it quite as much as my dad. IOW, he'll also sit elsewhere. But either way, kids have to give way to adults. Either one of us will make the kids move so we can sit somewhere.

 

First, I do see it as a sign of respect to give the adults first choice on places to sit. Second, and this goes with the first, my body isn't as young as theirs. It just doesn't do so well on the floor, especially my knees when it comes to getting up and down, and the kids are much more flexible and easily accommodated.

[elegantlion]

My dh has a chair, but he's not possessive. Ds rarely sits in it because it's in the living room and we only sit in there for read aloud time. Ds rarely watches TV with us Because it's his chair he gets right of first refusal, but isn't grumpy about it if someone is using it. He usually moves to the couch to stretch out by the end of the evening, but he always ask politely to trade. I actually hate sitting in the chair, it's a smaller recliner, but it's not comfortable and I hate that recliner sound.

 

I have a chair, but I share it with the dog. It's not in the living room though.

 

We don't do assigned seats, we allow for preference, but no one gets in a snit if they don't get their way.

 

ETA: My dad has a chair, always has, also not super possessive, but we'd get out of it for him.

 

Neither my dad nor my dh were raised in religious households. Dh's father was deceased. Don't know about my dad's situation as a child.

Edited July 9, 2012 by elegantlion

[TranquilMind]

What are his expectations regarding it? Does he expect the kids to get out of it when he comes home? Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect? Does he expect you to get out of it when he is around? If you are a man, just answer for yourself.

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?

No, I have the chair! No one sits in my chair when I'm in the room. It was my Mom's and I'm attached to it. But I wouldn't consider it "disrespect". I have some back issues right now and I'm not sitting on the floor or the less comfortable chairs so they just get up.

 

My husband sits anywhere and so do the kids.

 

I do not believe this was an issue in my husband's house, but my Dad had a chair. He worked from 3:30 a.m. though and when he got home, he wanted his chair, which was fair.

 

We are/were all Christians, since you asked.

Edited July 9, 2012 by TranquilMind

[DawnM]

No, not really. He has the left chair in the master he likes (recliner) and the left side of the reclining sofa in the man cave......but only because both of them are closest to the TV if he is watching it.

 

But he isn't possessive about it.

[TranquilMind]

First, I do see it as a sign of respect to give the adults first choice on places to sit. Second, and this goes with the first, my body isn't as young as theirs. It just doesn't do so well on the floor, especially my knees when it comes to getting up and down, and the kids are much more flexible and easily accommodated.

 

Yes, adults first, always. It's a given. Older before younger, so if we had a grandparent or an older person visiting, that person gets the chair. Otherwise, it's me...I'm the oldest:tongue_smilie:

[Caitilin]

No, no "owned" chairs in our house. Dh prefers lounging on the couch anyway. :lol: He and I have our places at the table, but the actual chairs can and do shift around some.

 

Dh grew up in a non religious home. No one there has "their" chair either. :001_smile:

[Thea]

No one has a chair here--his dad has a chair and no one ever sits in except him.

 

eta: dh grew up in a non religious home

[Forget-Me-Not]

DH and I sort of have favorite spots on our couch/loveseat combo and we'll shoo the kids off if we want to sit there. We're LDS but that has nothing to do with it :lol:

[Berta]

Yes, adults first, always. It's a given. Older before younger, so if we had a grandparent or an older person visiting, that person gets the chair. Otherwise, it's me...I'm the oldest:tongue_smilie:

 

Same in our house. Adults get the chairs before children do. I see it as a sign of respect. If I walk into a room and a child is where I want to sit (chair, sofa or where ever), they will be told to move. If they don't, that would be seen as a sign of disrespect and dealt with accordingly.

 

In the kitchen we all sit in the same chairs each night for dinner. The one chair is kind of tight up against the wall so my smallest child sits there. I like to be in the chair where I can easily reach things from the stove or counters. These chairs were never really assigned, except for the one for the smallest child.

 

This has nothing to do with religious beliefs or means of controlling, its simply out of respect.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Berta

[justamouse]

We have no Dad's Chair. He crashes on the couch with the rest of us peons.

 

I have a chair. I share it. It's not mine because it's mine, it's mine because that's where I sit and knit. :-) It's where all my yarn baskets are. It's not lovely, or anything, it's more about placement than throne. :D

 

We're Christian.

[lauranc]

No specific chair for anyone here. We sit where we feel comfortable--

[TranquilMind]

Same in our house. Adults get the chairs before children do. I see it as a sign of respect. In the kitchen we all sit in the same chairs for dinner. The one chair is kind of tight up against the wall so my smallest child sits there. I like to be in the chair where I can easily reach things from the stove or counters. These chairs were never really assigned, except for the one for the smallest child.

 

You sound just like us!

 

We make the smallest child sit in the tightest area in the kitchen too. But he's blowing it- he's growing like a weed and passing older sibling up!:D He's gonna be a giant. His best friend is 6'1" - at age 13.

 

You'd be surprised how people don't actually understand that you give up your seat to an older person today. We all took it for granted.

 

I took my Mom to a restaurant after she got out of the hospital a few years ago. Old lady, white hair...not one single younger person offered her a seat. I couldn't believe it. I would have offered her a seat and I was in my 40's at the time. I finally stated to the bench of younger people sitting there that my mother had just gotten out of the hospital and that she could not stand very long and would anyone be willing to give her a seat? Someone did.

[Sunshine Mom]

What are his expectations regarding it? Does he expect the kids to get out of it when he comes home? Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect? Does he expect you to get out of it when he is around? If you are a man, just answer for yourself.

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?

 

If you are comfortable, could you also state:

 

1. If this practice was held in man's house when he was a kid

 

2. Religion (if any) of man

 

Please don't answer if this offends you or if you feel it is too private :)

 

Interesting question. My dad had a chair. In his case, yes to all the questions, except that it was free game when he was not using it. And we were alway free to sit in his lap in the chair.

 

For my husband, no, no, no. He just has a specific chair at the table, but we all have assigned seats, and he has no specific preference to his seat, we arranged them based on practicality, and move things around as needed.

 

DH's father had a chair. He was less attached to it than my dad.

 

All Christians.

 

Al

[Nestof3]

I'm sorry I wasn't more specific. I wasn't referring to kitchen chairs or situations where there was insufficient seating.

 

So those whose men do have specified lounging seats, are people expected to get out of it without being told/asked?

[Acorn]

 

This has nothing to do with religious beliefs or means of controlling, its simply out of respect.

 

I see it differently. If a child is sitting in a chair before I am in the room, then I show my respect for him by not making him move. Likewise, I would be horrified if one of my kids (or dh) asked me to give up a seat.

 

ETA: This is based on the fact that we have plenty of seating.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Acorn

[SonshineLearner]

Since our house is so different, I'll comment on how I was raised. My dad had no specific chair. My mom would always be seated before my dad. We would always be expected to give our seats before asked to older people. My dad always opens the door for elders and women, still. (as is comfortable)

 

My poor husband has to move the laundry to have a seat.... (which is fine, almost, with me because he's usually in his office....)

 

I think that everything has been changed today, for most families. Part of this is due to multiple tvs/electronics & cable.... So many choices to watch. Kids and parents generally split up.....

 

Hmmmmm..... ;(

[QueenCat]

Both dh and I have places we tend to gravitate to, but if someone else is plopped down there, then we sit elsewhere. If we have company, we make sure they get the most comfortable seats. Never would we have a "get out of that seat, it's mine" attitude. My children most certainly know to give up their seat to someone who needs it, but that is very different than what the op asked. We are Christians (but I really don't get what that has to do with seating).

[Once]

Here and now, husband has a favorite place to sit but generally doesn't sit there much until the kids are in bed. If we do sit and watch TV together as a family he asks any kids to move but I have taken it and he adjusts.

 

How husband grew up......his mom had her spot and I think his step father had his too. So did I in my family. I can't remember if I was ever asked to move but I know my husband didn't mess with his mom's chair.

 

Current family and my family growing up.....luthern Christan. Husband's family.....areligious.....meaning they weren't really athetist or religious. Just didn't practice much faith at all but they believed spirituality was important.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Once

[Scuff]

I have a chair. I also have a bad back and shorter features. I sat in many, many chairs before picking out this one. Yes, I expect my kids to give it up if I want to sit. Not as a respect issue, just 'cause it's mine and you're young and can sit someplace else. Dh has a chair in his office. He'll ask/tell kids to get out of it, if he wants it. But he doesn't always want it. Since it's the only seating in the room besides his offi8ce chair, it does get sat on by others a lot. Growing up, my mom or dad didn't have a chair. My grandma did.

[Lisa in SC]

I'm the only person who has a designated chair, but it is for medical reasons. I have severe muscle spasms in my neck, shoulders and upper back. "My" chair reclines, so it's more comfortable if I'll be sitting for very long. Everyone else lounges wherever they choose, including dh. Other members are welcome to sit in "my" chair, but it's easy to see if I need it, so I don't need to ask someone to relocate. Our religion has no bearing on this in our family, but we started out as one RC and one Protestant. We attend Protestant churches now.

[momofkhm]

What are his expectations regarding it? (not including kitchen/dining chairs) Does he expect the kids to get out of it when he comes home? Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect? Does he expect you to get out of it when he is around? If you are a man, just answer for yourself.

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?

 

If you are comfortable, could you also state:

 

1. If this practice was held in man's house when he was a kid

 

2. Religion (if any) of man

 

DH has a chair and usually no one else sits in it. But if someone is sitting there, he will say "get up!" in a sarcastic way that is common in my house. So no, it's not disrespectful to not get out if his chair without being told. Sometimes he doesn't even want his chair.

 

I have a space on the couch. If someone is sitting there and I want to, well, usually I just sit somewhere else.

 

Lately though, I have a pinched nerve in my neck. DH's chair is the only place I can site, lean back and have the heating pad on while being a part of the family. So he doesn't make me get up.

 

When he was a kid? I really don't know. He was raised Catholic and is now part of a protestant denomination.

[Ottakee]

I was raised by my mom but she had HER chair and you had better believe that when she came in the room, it was HER chair. My grandparents had their own chairs in their home and we would always move for them to have "their" chairs. Most of my friends had the same situation growing up, esp. the dad. We would just always move.........and honestly never thought anything of it.

 

I see it as a sign of respect. For my mom and grandparents, it was also a matter of a chair that was comfortable for them, fit their size well, etc.

 

Here at our house, dh does not have a "chair" but if he comes in and wants to crash on the couch the kids will move.

 

Always viewed it as a sign of respect, not of dominance, etc.

 

Raised in a conservative Christian home with friends of similar faith.

[justLisa]

If I walk into a room and a child is where I want to sit (chair, sofa or where ever), they will be told to move. If they don't, that would be seen as a sign of disrespect and dealt with accordingly.

 

.

 

So you make them move if they are sitting where you want to sit no matter where it is? :confused: That just seems rude.

 

We ALL have our favorite spots here, but no one has an issue with someone else sitting in them. At the table if there was not enough space, I guarantee there would be more than myself offering to stand. But not as an age thing. OP do you mean when there is company or something?

 

Oh and DH was raised Catholic in Europe, I was not.

Edited July 9, 2012 by 425lisamarie

[Mom-ninja.]

No. Dh does not have a chair. He has a favorite spot on the couch, but does not expect anyone to get up for him to sit there especially not me.

 

It also happens to be my favorite spot, and I've been known to sit down on top of dh if he's sitting there. :lol:

 

Oh, dh was raised conservative Catholic and I was not.

[HappyCrazyMama]

No, my dh doesn't have a chair. We have a rocking recliner which is mine, given to me for comfortably rocking babies. When we had babies in the house I got first dibs when a baby needed rocked or nursed but now first come, first serve.:)

[happyhomemaker]

Dh has a recliner. When he comes home from work, he will ask a kid to get out of his chair, but he does it politely. Sometimes the kids will go ahead and get up if they see him coming, but he doesn't get upset if they don't. He walks on cement floors for 8 hrs a day and really needs to sit in this chair for his legs and back. He's not being rude, he just wants to be pain-free. I don't usually sit in his chair because I find the couch more comfortable. I do offer him the chair if I happen to be sitting there, but he has never demanded that I get up.

 

I don't know if dh's dad had a chair or not. He does now, but it's in the basement. It's too ugly to be with the rest of MIL's furniture :tongue_smilie: My dad had a chair and we hopped out when he got home, but it was never a source of tension or discipline. It was not a big deal, and I never gave it much thought. My dad worked hard all day long and he deserved a nice chair to sit in when he got home. Of course I would want that for my dad, and I hope my kids feel the same way about dh.

 

We are Christians as are our parents (Presbyterian if it matters).

[Berta]

So you make them move if they are sitting where you want to sit no matter where it is? :confused: That just seems rude.

 

We ALL have our favorite spots here, but no one has an issue with someone else sitting in them. At the table if there was not enough space, I guarantee there would be more than myself offering to stand. But not as an age thing. OP do you mean when there is company or something?

 

 

Let me clarify because that does sound a little militant the way I wrote it. We just completed our move and we only have two recliners in the living room at the moment. The kids each have a chair (don't remember what they are called but they are a big fuzzy round chairs on a metal frame) and there is also a bean bag chair. When the kids are in there by themselves they can sit in the recliners. When my husband and I are home and want to sit down the kids are told to move. They can sit in their chairs, they can lounge on the floor, but the two recliners are for my husband and myself. It's not up for debate. I'm not putting my big butt in a bean bag chair on the floor so my 7 yr old can sprawl out on the recliner lol.

 

We don't ever have company, so that isn't an issue lol.

[justLisa]

Let me clarify because that does sound a little militant the way I wrote it. We just completed our move and we only have two recliners in the living room at the moment. The kids each have a chair (don't remember what they are called but they are a big fuzzy round chairs on a metal frame) and there is also a bean bag chair. When the kids are in there by themselves they can sit in the recliners. When my husband and I are home and want to sit down the kids are told to move. They can sit in their chairs, they can lounge on the floor, but the two recliners are for my husband and myself. It's not up for debate. I'm not putting my big butt in a bean bag chair on the floor so my 7 yr old can sprawl out on the recliner lol.

 

We don't ever have company, so that isn't an issue lol.

 

Thanks for clarifying. :001_smile:

[alisoncooks]

Growing up, my dad had a chair (vinyl-ish recliner) that he sat in. We had to get up if he came in; he was a farmer and worked all day long. It was the only chair that was easily cleaned and he was always dirty.

 

My house: DH does not have a special chair but I do. :p Funny enough, we also have a chair that my mom always sits in; we call it "Mama's chair" whenever we reference it, even when my mom isn't visiting.

 

(Religion? IDK, I'd say we're non-denom., evang. Christian.)

[Cassy]

No, DH doesn't have a 'chair'. Actually he rarely sits down when the kids are up, he's always busying around doing something. If they all sit down to watch TV together he just dumps himself down wherever.

 

DH is Anglican. I'm ... not.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Cassy

[Myeightkiddies]

The "chair" is actually mine. I bought it when I was expecting my youngest. When he moved to Ohio to start the new job, I let him take it with him as he had minimal furniture. Now that I am here (in his apt. currently as we close on the new house on Wednesday), he has laid claim to it. I don't mind as seating is minimal, and I'm usually at my computer researching something for the move. If I want to sit in it, he would certainly not ask me to move or expect me to, and if he is already sitting in it and I wanted to, he'd move.

 

Of course, when Grandpa visits, the most comfy chair is his, and we usually find golf on tv for him to watch.

 

This discussion reminds me of Archie Bunker in All in the Family.

[justamouse]

 

This discussion reminds me of Archie Bunker in All in the Family.

 

Oh wow, I forgot! You're so right!

[Danestress]

I definitely think children should relinquish seats to adults. But that should be very seldom in our home, because I place a high priority on there being truly comfortable seating for all family members. We only have three kids. If I had eleven, I am not sure how I would handle this, lol.

 

So no, dh doesn't really claim a seat at "his" not do I. But no one has to have an uncomfortable chair in our main living areas. I wouldn't like that for myself or for my kid. We have three stuffed comfortable chairs and two sofas in our living room/sun room area which is where we would hang out to read and chat. Our only tv is in a bonus room upstairs that has a big sectional sofa and an upholstered ottoman. I often make some one (husband or kid) move so that I can sit under the knitting light. I don't think they feel disrespected by that because they would rather keep the room generally dark if they are watching a movie and prefer me to use the small, directed light for knitting if I join them.

 

I don't have a problem with a parent having "his" or "her" chair. I do think it is nice to not have the other seating be uncomfortable or inconvenient, though. We are Christians and I do believe that he who would be first should be last and have a servant heart. It would bother me if my husband Laid claim to a seat as the "best" and then relegated his kids to discomfort. It would also bother me if they resisted surrendering a seat to their father. I guess I want (and think dh does) model kindness even to his kids.

[catz]

Uh no, not really. Although, I sit on a yoga ball at my computer and he sits on an office chair up in his "den" area. Those would be the closest things we have in our house to sacred seating. :D

 

I have no idea if his dad had a chair when he was growing up. My father didn't, but he did have favorite chairs/spaces to read in. We never kick kids out of certain chairs unless we have a fair number of adult visitors in the house.

 

We're both secular UU.

[AHASRADA]

These questions are so much fun, Dawn!

 

Yes, dh has "a chair" (recliner) in front of the TV. Yes, he will boot the dc out of it if he enters the room, but in a joking, not authoritarian way.

 

If I'm sitting in it, I will often move to another chair so he can have it, out of kindness, although he will usually tell me it's not necessary to move, etc. He would never "expect" me to get out of his chair, but might ask very nicely if he really wants/needs to sit there.

 

When his father enters the room, however, everyone jumps, makes space for him, etc. This is just expected in his culture and generation. While dh expects to be respected (doesn't everyone?), he is very empathetic and kind and does not demand such behavior. It's a good thing because, while I treat such authoritarian men with respect, I find them a nuisance and prefer not to have them around much. Not a quality I want in my dh :tongue_smilie:.

 

Again, we're Muslim.

[chepyl]

I have a chair, dh has a chair and each kid has a bean bag chair. Yes, we kick the kids out :) Not religious reasons, no reason other than the shorties get the floor. We currently do not jave a couch. If we had a couch, it would not matter at all. As the pregnant mommy, I get the best chair.

[LittleIzumi]

I'm the only one possessive with a chair :lol:, although hubby prefers the recliner over the couch (as would I, if I wasn't in my chair). It's not a big deal at all. If someone's sitting in it usually we'll sit wherever there is room. I ask for my chair back :lol: if someone's on it, but that's really because it's in front of the only house computer.

[AngelaNYC]

No personal chairs here.

 

My dad does, but only because his legs are bad and he can't get up off the couch.

 

Catholic.

[LaxMom]

No. The dog grudgingly shares her chair (a chair-and-a-half recliner) with my husband, and he might suggest that it's "his" chair, but we all know better.

 

Eta: if someone else is sitting there, he just sits on the couch or in another chair. The dog, however, will perch on the back like a napping jungle cat on a tree limb and sigh heavily or silently will you to move. Rather like when she finds Daddy lying on her side of the bed. Yes, our dog is spoiled. :lol:

Edited July 9, 2012 by MyCrazyHouse

[Laura Corin]

No, Husband doesn't have a chair. He is an atheist, brought up Southern Baptist.

 

Laura

[Acorn]

 

This discussion reminds me of Archie Bunker in All in the Family.

 

And, Sheldon.

[bolt.]

Nobody has particular chairs here, and adults do not have the habit of displacing children from where they are settled. Things are more 'first come, first served' and, as adults we model respect by respecting a child in a seat even if we feel like it would be nice to have it for ourselves.

 

If there is a good reason anyone needs a particular spot that someone else is in, our practice is to explain the need, and ask the person to be kind enough to move. Unless there is a good reason the first person needs to stay, they generally move. Often the person they are moving for will help carry their things (of even carry a child) to a new and equally comfortable spot.

 

We are evangelical Christians. Hubby's dad had a chair that was his alone. Mine did not.

[Guest]

My dad had a chair. It was his chair, and he had first claim. If we were in it and he came in the room, sometimes, he'd tell us to get out. Other times, he'd just sit on us. :lol:

 

 

 

My dad still has his chair. It wasn't ever an issue in our house, just the way it was. He wasn't mean about it, I guess it was just a respect thing.

 

No Dad chair in our house, though.

[Tap]

no special chairs or spots in our home

[Soror]

Dh has a favorite chair that is a recliner- but he doesn't automatically expect everyone to move from it. If I'm sitting there he'd never ask me to move, if it was a kid he might, depending on his mood(ie it is nice and comfy for him and when he gets home from work he likes to relax there). None of us always sit in one spot though. I often ask him if he wants me to move as it is a nice big chair but he always says no.

[stripe]

I have no La-Z-Boy type chairs in my house, just chairs at tables and whatnot.

 

My husband is not American and his family members doesn't care about any such thing, will sleep or sit wherever there is room.

 

When I was growing up, my mother was extremely particular about "her chair."

[kalanamak]

My father and mother didn't have chairs.

Hubby has a chair and I have a chair, but it is habit rather than rule. If kiddo gets in, he knows he is to get out if he gets "a look".

 

Hubby was raised Adventist, and I was raised by non-believers.

[EJCMom]

What are his expectations regarding it? (not including kitchen/dining chairs) Does he expect the kids to get out of it when he comes home?

 

The expectation is that they will get out of it when he wants to sit in it. They typically do, but sometimes if they are very engrossed in something he will say, "Excuse me, please."

 

Does he read not getting out of the chair without being told as disrespect?

 

If he does, he's never mentioned it.

 

Does he expect you to get out of it when he is around?

 

I almost never sit in his chair. It doesn't "fit" me. However, if I was sitting in it, I would get out of it on my own. I know it's "his" chair.

 

If you are a man, just answer for yourself.

 

Also, as the woman, do you have a specific chair and have similar expectations?

 

I do have my own chair (right next to his). I do have similar expectations. If I go to sit in it and one of the kids is there, I just say, "Excuse me, please." But they normally get up on their own.

 

Let me clarify that this isn't about anyone sitting on the floor. :)

 

If you are comfortable, could you also state:

 

1. If this practice was held in man's house when he was a kid

 

It wasn't exactly the practice. When he was growing up (and until the day his dad passed away), NOBODY else was allowed to sit in "his" chair for any reason whether he was home or in another state. He didn't want anyone else's backside to "change the shape of his chair." :001_huh:

 

2. Religion (if any) of man

 

We are a Christian family, and DH was raised in a Christian family.

 

Please don't answer if this offends you or if you feel it is too private :)

[Rivka]

My mother has always had a chair, as far back as I can remember. It's always been an upholstered rocking chair that reclines. My father didn't have a chair in the living room, but he did have a study when I was growing up that he was very territorial about.

 

When I visit my parents, I might sit in my mother's chair if she were out or if she had gone to bed, but I would immediately get up if she came into the room.

 

I don't have a chair now and neither does my husband. Well, except for our desk chairs at our computers.