S/O--Do you have a child that physically stands apart (i.e. Attractive)?

[Momma H]

I have 4 kids. My last two are adopted. My little 4 year old daughter is really adorable. She is bi-racial and has that beautiful spiral hair, major dimples and big brown eyes and lovely skin.

I am really struggling with the constant fawning people do over her. Seriously, everyone who meets her comments on her looks and her hair. She actually told some friends of ours that people like her because of her hair. I tell her all the time about how what is inside is what is important and all that but then we go somewhere and she gets the fawning. It is affecting her, how could it not? I honestly don't want her to become seriously twisted in her sense of worth. I try and head it off and redirect comments but it is constant. I know this sounds super conceited!!! I didn't make her, so it's not me that is this pretty!!! I think it is also that she is unusual and kind of more exotic looking. If anyone has advice on how they keep these "ridiculously good looking" (haha) kids normal I would appreciate advice! I saw others who deal with en exceptionally attractive child. How do you help your kid's head and heart deal?

I will say, I am grateful that my 7 year old son is oblivious to it and has no issues at all (for the record, he is adorable too)

[amy g.]

My 2 year old has blond ringlets that people are always touching, and commenting on.

 

My brother was making some comment about how beautiful they are right in front of my 5 year old.

 

I started in about how much she would hate them when she grew up, and how much time we would spend straightening her hair when she grew up so she could look like my 5 year old.

 

He just looked confused. I said, "You have no idea, how irritating it is to hear about her beautiful curls from every stranger on the street."

 

I gave a meaningful look over at my 5 year old, and my brother looked stricken.

 

People just don't think about it. I really worry about how it will affect the relationship of my last two daughters. My baby is so cherubic and happy all of the time, and my 5 year old is more high needs, and high strung, but frighteningly smart.

 

So far, I am trying to build up my 5 year old's confidence in her own identity, and focus on her strengths.

 

At least 4 days a week, I have time with just her, and leave my 2 year old with her big sisters for part of the day. I figure if her needs are really well met, there will be less room for jelousy.

 

I'm not sure it is going to work, though.

[Remudamom]

When our oldest was little he got so used to be complimented that he was offended when strangers didn't talk to him. We just laughed about it. He outgrew it.

[AdventureMoms]

My sons already stand out because they are twins, and also have beautiful curly blonde hair, which is getting long. My daughter's hair is thin, unruly, and still fairly short (grows SUPER slow).

 

LOTS of people comment on the boys hair, and DD asks me daily when hers will be as long as Rapunzel's hair (at the rate it grows, she'll be 50 by the time it gets to mid-back). I do worry that she's going to get a complex from all the comments on the boys "beautiful, amazing" hair....

[Runnermom]

I have a child that most definitely is a stand out. Neither of my boys have picked up on the extra attention my youngest receives, at least not yet. He looks like a spitting image of his daddy, who happened to be a model when I met him (although we have agreed that we will not allow him to be in that industry while under our roof....it's bad bad bad....that's a whole topic in itself!), so I haven't ever addressed the attention mainly because I just don't know how. I suppose at some point it may be an issue :confused:

[Crimson Wife]

My youngest DD has the most gorgeous eyes- blue with lashes so long they look fake. I don't think she has enough language yet to understand, and frankly with her autism, I'm glad for her to get some positive attention rather than just negative attention or pity.

 

What's really tough for me is that oldest DD, while she will likely be plenty attractive when she gets older, is going through kind of an awkward phase at the moment. She needs major orthodontic work but is not yet ready for braces. Her eyes are pretty as well but hidden behind glasses. She's also got that gangly 'tween in the early stages of puberty look. It's really hard for her to hear strangers fawning over her little sister's eyes and, to a lesser extent, her brother's red hair. I wish I could give her braces and contacts now, but she just isn't ready for them yet.

[dancer67]

I have 3 kids. With my oldest daughter at 19, she def. stands out. She has blonde hair and beautiful green eyes.

 

My DH and I have brown hair(Dh's hair is real dark) and both of us have brown eyes. So our other two kids look like siblings.

 

But my blonde haired child is complimented all the time. Actually, she modeled professionally as a young child. With her picture on a Barbie Doll box.

 

Imagine my surprise when I had her. I already had a son, and I pictured my daughter having dark, curly hair. Instead, she comes out SOOOO blonde, and blue eyes. And she stayed blonde. Only her eyes turned a pretty shade of green. She was voted Best Eyes in high school.

 

I have to say though, all my kids are great looking. Like me:lol:

[duckabell]

My two-year-old has gorgeous hair and frequently gets comments on it -- besides her hair, she's cute to boot. She has always had a lot of hair and it curls just right at the ends. I have never cut it because I am afraid it will lose the curl at the bottom and so it goes down past the middle of her back. I think it's just a phase that people comment a lot on her looks at her age. I'm also planning on cutting it this fall and I think the comments will drop dramatically.

 

Since I think the comments will drop soon I'm not too worried about the comments. I think her brother is starting to pick up that people compliment her more than him (the use of the word beautiful versus handsome) but I think it will pass and I think he's pretty cute too, just older. I don't know what I'd do if I thought people would still comment on it for another few years.

[Osmosis Mom]

I have a friend whose 11 year old dd is gorgeous. So much so that when I was at a place with here fooling around with my own girls, then a woman came way over to me after the girls had sprinted off and told me my dd was stunningly beautiful! Her mother had told me people tell her this all the time. The mother is not at all conceited and raises her girl to not take herself too seriously.

 

My youngest ds is one of those kids people will stand and just look at. He is very attractive plus really cute. He knows it too and his siblings know it (they agree). We are used to the attention and don't take it too seriously.

 

Guess I have nothing to add except that I am not raising egoistic, selfish kids and looks are just one part of whom you are.

 

On the other hand, then all my kids look like they came from the same family so no big surprises. We have sort of two looks going (one light brownish hair, the other darker, thicker hair). All the kids have brown or green eyes and yellowish Arab skin or lightly fairer. No big surprise here.

[Catherine]

I have three sons, and though they're all above-average in looks (IMO!) the eldest-19-really stands out.

 

It is a very mixed blessing. I was chatting with a friend about this-her elder son is rather plain-looking, but her younger daughter is very beautiful, and it is hard for her to stay grounded and ignore all the extra attention from the opposite sex. I had to heartily agree.

 

As my ds has grown up, he's certainly had that attention, and he's just now getting to a point where he's getting a more level head about it-after a few bumps and bruises. I'm SO glad he is still here at home where we can talk to him and work on keeping him grounded and focused on school and his future.

 

It's funny how the tables have turned-middle ds was the gorgeous child, but he's at an awkward phase right now, plus, at 6 feet and 125 pounds, he's too skinny to be super-attractive. What the future holds? Who knows.

[justamouse]

Yep.

 

I parent with a hammer on that one. Just so she fully understands she doesn't fart rainbows and burp glitter.

 

SInce she was a tiny girl able to sit up in a cart people would stop me. I mean, I kid you not that I had to build a half hour into shopping because she was constantly stopped.

 

Now she's 5'8" and even more beautiful. At least people tell me out of her presence, now.

 

All of my girls are striking, with certain features of their own that they have, but the oldest has dark auburn hair, olive skin and Caribbean blue eyes that are huge. She has a gorgeous smile and is very fit. We go shopping and people stare. I tell her that she won the genetic lottery and she has to be as beautiful inside as she is outside. (Dh and I combined have a very diverse gene pool)

Edited June 27, 2012 by justamouse

[Osmosis Mom]

Yep.

 

I parent with a hammer on that one. Just so she fully understands she doesn't fart rainbows and burp glitter.

 

SInce she was a tiny girl able to sit up in a cart people would stop me. I mean, I kid you not that I had to build a half hour into shopping because she was constantly stopped.

 

Now she's 5'8" and even more beautiful. At least people tell me out of her presence, now.

 

All of my girls are striking, with certain features of their own that they have, but the oldest has dark auburn hair, olive skin and Caribbean blue eyes that are huge. She has a gorgeous smile and is very fit. We go shopping and people stare. I tell her that she won the genetic lottery and she has to be as beautiful inside as she is outside. (Dh and I combined have a very diverse gene pool)

 

Hahaha, you have a way with words!!!!!

[dangermom]

It has gotten better for us as my younger daughter has gotten a bit older. She has beautiful red hair, and when she was little it was curly and fluffy too. She got comments all the time and they made her very self-conscious; at 9 she still doesn't like people to comment on her hair. My older daughter is a lovely girl too (and she has dark brown hair that could be in a commercial) but it isn't that striking red. I used to worry a lot about her feelings when people would always comment on the red hair.

[Jennifer in MI]

I worry about this with my dd. She has blue eyes and gorgeous THICK curly blonde hair. And, she's tiny. Really, really tiny. People are always telling her how cute she is. She's a little shy. So, she usually looks down to the ground and says, very quietly, "Thanks." But, I do worry a bit about the long-term effects of people telling her that all the time.

 

But, maybe it's just that people always tell moms their girls are cute? She's my first girl and I never got this much attention about my boys!

[kricau]

Well, that picture doesn't do her justice LOL :lol: Is she screaming?

I have 4 kids. My last two are adopted. My little 4 year old daughter is really adorable. She is bi-racial and has that beautiful spiral hair, major dimples and big brown eyes and lovely skin.

I am really struggling with the constant fawning people do over her. Seriously, everyone who meets her comments on her looks and her hair. She actually told some friends of ours that people like her because of her hair. I tell her all the time about how what is inside is what is important and all that but then we go somewhere and she gets the fawning. It is affecting her, how could it not? I honestly don't want her to become seriously twisted in her sense of worth. I try and head it off and redirect comments but it is constant. I know this sounds super conceited!!! I didn't make her, so it's not me that is this pretty!!! I think it is also that she is unusual and kind of more exotic looking. If anyone has advice on how they keep these "ridiculously good looking" (haha) kids normal I would appreciate advice! I saw others who deal with en exceptionally attractive child. How do you help your kid's head and heart deal?

I will say, I am grateful that my 7 year old son is oblivious to it and has no issues at all (for the record, he is adorable too)

[Teachin'Mine]

My 2 year old has blond ringlets that people are always touching, and commenting on.

 

My brother was making some comment about how beautiful they are right in front of my 5 year old.

 

I started in about how much she would hate them when she grew up, and how much time we would spend straightening her hair when she grew up so she could look like my 5 year old.

 

He just looked confused. I said, "You have no idea, how irritating it is to hear about her beautiful curls from every stranger on the street."

 

I gave a meaningful look over at my 5 year old, and my brother looked stricken.

 

People just don't think about it. I really worry about how it will affect the relationship of my last two daughters. My baby is so cherubic and happy all of the time, and my 5 year old is more high needs, and high strung, but frighteningly smart.

 

So far, I am trying to build up my 5 year old's confidence in her own identity, and focus on her strengths.

 

At least 4 days a week, I have time with just her, and leave my 2 year old with her big sisters for part of the day. I figure if her needs are really well met, there will be less room for jelousy.

 

I'm not sure it is going to work, though.

 

My only concern is that she may begin to associate getting special attention only when your other daughter isn't around. Just wanted to mention that as it crossed my mind while reading your post. I know it's totally different, but when introducing a new pet to the other pets, they suggest giving the "old" dog attention while the new one is right there, not only when he's not. Otherwise the old dog can come to resent the new one. :tongue_smilie: This may be totally different with children. And as full disclosure, mine is an only, so definitely no btdt. ;)

[kricau]

Oh my gosh!!! Mine too, Curly blond hair-Tiny (and cute as a button) but hazel eyes (that change color with her moods) :001_smile:

 

I worry about this with my dd. She has blue eyes and gorgeous THICK curly blonde hair. And, she's tiny. Really, really tiny. People are always telling her how cute she is. She's a little shy. So, she usually looks down to the ground and says, very quietly, "Thanks." But, I do worry a bit about the long-term effects of people telling her that all the time.

 

But, maybe it's just that people always tell moms their girls are cute? She's my first girl and I never got this much attention about my boys!

[ereks mom]

When our oldest was little he got so used to be complimented that he was offended when strangers didn't talk to him. We just laughed about it. He outgrew it.

 

:D EK was that way too. She loved it when people told her she looked like a little Barbie doll. (She actually did. :))

[LostSurprise]

Yes, I have one child who everyone loves.

 

I hasn't been too bad though. We don't get stopped in stores or tons of comments. Maybe he's not as attractive as the other kids in this thread. ;)

 

Its more when adults meet him. There's this instant bing! that goes off. His rather puckish good looks (like his dad x2) coupled with a gorgeous smile and an innate athleticism. He's also unusually kind, especially to little ones. He has adult women eating out of his hand but he doesn't realize it. Men want to slap him on the back and play catch. I hear a lot of "Wow, he's a handsome young man......all your boys are good looking." DS doesn't stand still long enough to hear any of that. He thinks that kind of stuff is lame so he runs off. I doubt he understands the effect he has on people. He doesn't think he's very popular, but everyone feels very comfortable with him. Even acquaintances trust him completely.

[MeaganS]

My youngest DD has the most gorgeous eyes- blue with lashes so long they look fake. I don't think she has enough language yet to understand, and frankly with her autism, I'm glad for her to get some positive attention rather than just negative attention or pity.

 

This exactly straight down to the autism and eyelashes. She's oblivious to it all though. Hopefully her younger sisters will understand as they get older... or not notice at all. Luckily our family is good at complimenting all our girls. Our middle child has such an adorable personality that it gets commented on all the time. It will all even itself out I think.

[ereks mom]

Yep.

 

I parent with a hammer on that one. Just so she fully understands she doesn't fart rainbows and burp glitter.

 

SInce she was a tiny girl able to sit up in a cart people would stop me. I mean, I kid you not that I had to build a half hour into shopping because she was constantly stopped.

 

Now she's 5'8" and even more beautiful. At least people tell me out of her presence, now.

 

All of my girls are striking, with certain features of their own that they have, but the oldest has dark auburn hair, olive skin and Caribbean blue eyes that are huge. She has a gorgeous smile and is very fit. We go shopping and people stare. I tell her that she won the genetic lottery and she has to be as beautiful inside as she is outside. (Dh and I combined have a very diverse gene pool)

 

Hahaha, you have a way with words!!!!!

 

Exactly what I was thinking. I love it!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My younger son has gorgeous hazel/green eyes with long thick eyelashes that naturally curl up. People are always commenting on them. Ds2 is not a people person, so he usually just looks at me like, "Ugh. Not again! Yeah, I know, I know, beautiful eyelashes. Big deal!" The expression on his face cracks me up. I don't think it will go to this one's head, but I really don't know why people comment on other people's appearance. It's not like it's a personal accomplishment to be gorgeous. :tongue_smilie:

[kricau]

Mine are total opposites. Older one: thick, brown hair--dark, chocolate eyes--and a complextion people spend hours in a tanning bed to get. Younger one: curly, blond hair--hazel eyes--and milky white complextion. Both are very attractive (and that's not just the mom in me talking), but the little one is more so. I know it sounds horrible to say, and I would NEVER in front of either one of them. I also try to minimize the compliments for the one in the pressence of the other, but it's not just the little one that gets praised. And when someone says something about one the other looks hurt. :(

[elfgivas]

some of my mom's favourite expressions:

 

"pretty is as pretty does"

"your looks may get you thru the door, but its who you are that will keep you there"

"above all, be kind"

"who did you notice today?"

"who did you help today?"

"who is being left out? how can you help that?"

"find three people and compliment them about something specific that you have seen them DO".

 

rinse. repeat.

fwiw,

ann

 

eta: for my younger two, i turned down a pepsi commercial when they were recruited at a fair. folks were astonished, but really..... they were little, and i couldn't figure out how i would be able to undo the damage done...

Edited June 27, 2012 by elfgivas@yahoo.com

[Jeannie in NJ]

my dd (age almost 17) is adopted from Korea and ever since we got her at age 4 months, people everywhere have always commented on how beautiful she is. Usually it is women and older grandfather types. But everywhere people tell her that. OUr very large extended family that we see all the time are used to her looks and we and they have always made it a point to remark on how smart she is and how talented a cake decorator she is and almost never comment on her looks. So she is def. not conceited in any way. ONe negative is that since the age of about 11, older teen boys and even men in their 30's and such STARE at her (she does look older but still) and she thinks that they are major creepers. Now at age 17, she will glare at them, especially if they are with their wives. She says she cannot believe that these men stare at her even with their wives there. Creeps her out.

 

Also the only time she went to school (before community college) was for 9th grade. She got mad that so many guys asked her out that did not know her. she said "Mom, they don't even know my name, they do not know me, they are only asking me out for my looks". She is very wary about any boy that asks her out or wants to be her boyfriend. She is very concerned that guys are only interested in her looks. For now, she does not want a boyfriend and hopes that she can find someone that she can be friends with first for herself and not her looks and that such a guy could become her husband some day.

 

So in conclusion,she is not conceited about her looks and is very aware that for now that is what guys are interested in so she will wait for the guy that will like her in spite of her looks and for the person she is inside.

 

I guess my only advice is for you and your family to concentrate on emphazising your dd's other talents (smartness, kindness, crafts, any skills) and help her accept that strangers will comment on her looks but not to let her get conceited about it. Just to say "thank you" to them and move on.

[Nestof3]

It has never proven to be a problem, but our eldest does get a lot of comments from women. I think he's pretty handsome as well. We introduced him to old family friends when they were in town, and the woman blurted out, "My word, he's gorgeous. I just need to get a hug." Cashiers have made comments when my husband and he were buying lunch while out working. My husband recognizes that he never had the same sort of attention growing up. The rest of us are very fair-skinned with freckles. Aaron has Italian in him from his biological mom. He does look a lot like my husband, but he has the skin and dark hair that I guess a lot of women find attractive. Personally, I find all sorts of types attractive.

 

I have no idea what young ladies say in his circles -- college, church, etc. I do know he has insecurities just like the rest of them.

[stripe]

I really recommend the book Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?: A Parent's Guide To Raising Multiracial Children by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. She talks about how to deal with fawning and weird fixation over physical features. She is a white woman married to a Japanese or Japanese-American (I forgot) man, and her son resembles her husband more closely and got a lot of offensive "chink" comments and her daughter is constantly fawned over for her blonde hair, except the girl's hair is not actually blonde. She has suggestions for how to establish boundaries and deal with strangers' comments in a way that is respectful of your children. It's my favorite part of the book.

[SKL]

My kids do stand out. Not because they are strikingly beautiful (except when they smile!) but because they have exotic looks and, to outsiders, seem very much like each other.

 

One of my girls has gorgeous long, black, shiny hair (she too aspires to be Rapunzel), and she pays the price every day when I comb it. My other dd, who seems more aware of "looks," has what we call "cooperative" hair. It hangs in a natural, pretty style (and doesn't get in her food while she's eating). Yes, they compare sometimes, but it hasn't gotten really bad so far.

 

I think that if your child is biracial, it cannot hurt to have folks convincing her that she is beautiful (shouldn't every 4yo feel beautiful?). Someday she is very likely to get less complimentary comments from ignorant, mean people. If she feels naturally attractive, then she may be more likely to take ignorant comments for what they are, and not be affected internally.

 

Also, don't look at what she says at 4yo to predict what she'll value at 14 and 24. Little kids are concrete.

[Cammie]

My little guy is cute and gets a fair bit of attention here...but when we were in China recently it was insane! It was like traveling with a movie star! We were stopped constantly so people could take pictures with him. My older daughter was very patient about the whole thing and she gets a fair bit of attention when we are at home but it must have stung about the millionth time that your brother is singled out! At least now we have a retirement plan...sending him back to China to make it big in the pictures!

[Mergath]

My little guy is cute and gets a fair bit of attention here...but when we were in China recently it was insane! It was like traveling with a movie star! We were stopped constantly so people could take pictures with him. My older daughter was very patient about the whole thing and she gets a fair bit of attention when we are at home but it must have stung about the millionth time that your brother is singled out! At least now we have a retirement plan...sending him back to China to make it big in the pictures!

 

That's hilarious! My dd has huge green eyes and is very, very cute (not that you can tell with the goofy face she's making in the avatar *sigh*) to the point that older people actually stop us on the street and give her money. Which is weird. :confused: But anyway, we were at the Tweed Museum in Duluth last year, and dd was playing in this interactive exhibit that was just a bunch of toys, basically. A Chinese tour group came in, and they spent about the next hour taking pictures of dd. I'm not sure if they thought she was part of the exhibit or what, but it was so funny.

[Joker]

People are constantly commenting on older dds red hair. A few crazies have even asked for a lock of her hair to take to their salon so they can get the exact shade. Some seemed serious about it. :001_huh: They do it right in front of younger dd and almost never throw a compliment her way. :glare: I usually respond with, "Yes, I have two beautiful girls." or "I'm blessed to have two great kids." Sometimes I also give them a nasty look, but it just really makes me feel bad for younger dd.

[BlsdMama]

We have one child that people make many more remarks about than the rest.

 

We are careful to compliment or talk about her other attributes here at home. She has a tendency to think too much about looks and we are trying very hard to raise her up to know she is more than a face. And, we just say, "Thank you," and leave it at that......

[Momma H]

I love these!! Thank you for sharing this. You have one smart Momma!

 

some of my mom's favourite expressions:

 

"pretty is as pretty does"

"your looks may get you thru the door, but its who you are that will keep you there"

"above all, be kind"

"who did you notice today?"

"who did you help today?"

"who is being left out? how can you help that?"

"find three people and compliment them about something specific that you have seen them DO".

 

rinse. repeat.

fwiw,

ann

 

eta: for my younger two, i turned down a pepsi commercial when they were recruited at a fair. folks were astonished, but really..... they were little, and i couldn't figure out how i would be able to undo the damage done...

[catz]

Both my kids have gotten attention at different phases. My younger has super long hair and saucer sized eyes and especially got attention when she was younger because she had hair from birth. We had to start cutting it into a bob by 6 months. With the huge eyes, it got some attention. Now that she's older (just turned 8), people have been nicer/more discrete about it. I've had a couple people say on the side she was going to be trouble when the boys start looking! And honestly, I think there is a type of older lady that just looks for cute little girls to coo over.

 

My son was a very verbally precocious toddler with a pretty outgoing personality and was just very classicly cute. He scored us some freebies when we were out and about. He is at an awkward stage right now - small for age and glasses and kind of moody. He'd really like contacts and we may allow him to get some soon.

 

I'm sure my DH had this growing up. He is just gorgeous compared to everyone else in his family. :D

 

Anyway, growing up I had a younger brother who had gorgeous blonde curls and was quite outgoing. I can distinctly remember the sting of strangers coming up and commenting on him in front of me. So I really make a huge effort to minimize these sorts of exchanges, especially in front of siblings. Although I suspect my son could care less if my daughter gets that kind of attention at this point! :tongue_smilie:

[Denisemomof4]

Yes, and I've written about it here many times. All my kids were doted on until we adopted. When the doting transferred to her (as it usually does with babies) it made her feel bad because she felt like people kept showing her how different she was. i am so glad she is older now and people leave her alone.

[Mom-ninja.]

Honestly, I don't think it will influence her. My niece (also bi-racial with gorgeous skin and hair like your dd) always had people commenting when she was younger. She's now 17 and is not conceited at all.

 

I have people tell me that my oldest ds is too pretty to be a boy. :001_huh: In front of him no less. My own mil has said it many times. Once she said, "You make such pretty children. It's a pity they are all boys." Um, okay. Not sure how to respond to that. What's that do to an 11 yr old boy!?

 

My 8 yr old has red (orange as he says) hair and is forever getting comments. It drives him crazy.

[KungFuPanda]

It has gotten better for us as my younger daughter has gotten a bit older. She has beautiful red hair, and when she was little it was curly and fluffy too. She got comments all the time and they made her very self-conscious; at 9 she still doesn't like people to comment on her hair. My older daughter is a lovely girl too (and she has dark brown hair that could be in a commercial) but it isn't that striking red. I used to worry a lot about her feelings when people would always comment on the red hair.

 

People are constantly commenting on older dds red hair. A few crazies have even asked for a lock of her hair to take to their salon so they can get the exact shade. Some seemed serious about it. :001_huh: They do it right in front of younger dd and almost never throw a compliment her way. :glare: I usually respond with, "Yes, I have two beautiful girls." or "I'm blessed to have two great kids." Sometimes I also give them a nasty look, but it just really makes me feel bad for younger dd.

 

This is all part of growing up as a redhead. There aren't that many of us so we just don't blend. If you add natural curl to the mix you are in for a lifetime of compliments and comments. 2 of my 3 siblings have red hair too, so you just get used to it. Mom just thanked people and went on with her day. Getting annoyed wastes too much time and energy and doesn't effect the next person who comes along with a comment.

 

My nieces are 4 and 3. The younger one has red hair. A year ago, the older one got so angry she actually gave her sister a haircut! At least he little one was too young to care. The oldest hactually has long, curly blond hair that gets noticed as long as her sister isn't with her. My brother has his hands full with those two!

[ocelotmom]

My sons already stand out because they are twins, and also have beautiful curly blonde hair, which is getting long. My daughter's hair is thin, unruly, and still fairly short (grows SUPER slow).

Sounds like our DDs have the same hair! At 5.5, parts of it are down to her shoulders. She's never had a haircut.

 

It gets so tangled and broken in the back that we're about to just get her a pixie cut. I feel a bit bad doing that when she finally has *some* hair, but it just doesn't look good right now.

[jujsky]

From the time my daughter was a toddler, I'd have people stop me to tell me how gorgeous she is and fawn all over her. Even as she's outgrowing the "super adorable" phase and growing into a very pretty girl, I'll have people ask/say, "Your daughter? Isn't she the one with the great big, beautiful eyes?" I heard this from 2 different people during DD's dance recital weekend. That's how she's known -- the kid with the big, beautiful eyes. She gets them from DH :001_smile: Strangers have stopped me in stores and asked me if she's modeled before. If she didn't have such a cheeseball-phoney smile in pictures, she probably could.

 

I tell her she's pretty. She is. She should be confident about it because you know darn well people will be jealous of her at some point and try to tear her down and girls always go after each other through their looks. I want her to be confident enough to know that they're full of crap. I don't leave it at looks though. My daughter is also very smart, so I emphasize that just as much, and tell her she's the total package -- beauty and brains.

 

While I realize all of this sounds very braggy, I was NOT a drop-dead gorgeous kid (though looking back, I was prettier than I gave myself credit for) and though I was smart, I had a much smarter younger brother (straight-A student without even trying while I busted my butt to get mostly A's and B's) and he overshadowed me and rubbed it in my face every chance he got. I lacked self-confidence and I think my life would have been different if I had more of it. I want DD to have self-confidence. She should. She's smart, she's pretty, she's a nice kid, and has a gift with animals. She has every reason to love herself and should, just as long as she doesn't think she's better than anyone else.

[KidsHappen]

:D EK was that way too. She loved it when people told her she looked like a little Barbie doll. (She actually did. :))

 

I have a Barbie as well, only she is 15 years old and a cheerleader. It is very hard on her younger sister who looks are exactly the opposite of hers. Most of my kids have fair skin and blue eyes. The youngest has dark skin, dark hair, brown eyes, more facial hair, exzema, and she was a little heavier built than her sister until just this last few months.

 

Over the last few months the youngest has grown a few inches, really slimmed down a lot and really started developing. Also her older sister and older sister's BFF have really been helping her with dressing and doing her hair and make-up. Her own best friend has also been very helpful. Finally, she looks just like the eldest dd whom she really looks up to. It helps that the 15 year old doesn't seem to let tons of compliments go to her head. She thinks that's just what people say to everyone. Compliments mean the world to the youngest one and I have a large enough group of people that if they each pay her a compliment every now and then it's just enough to really help her self-esteem.

 

It is challanging having 5 dds though.

[Mo_Babee]

Okay, fine I'll be the odd man out here. I constantly tell my children how beautiful they are. Self-esteem must start somewhere. I had never thought of myself as pretty until I had my first child. And although I knew I was smart and talented, I was always looking for validation that I was pretty enough. He was absolutely gorgeous and everyone would stop and tell me. They also said he looked like me, so by the associative property, I too, must be pretty, right. :p

 

I don't want my children, specifically my daughter, to hear some random guy be the first to tell her she's beautiful and she doesn't know how to react our she thinks it's something special. I also tell my children how smart and talented and kind and thoughtful and well-behaved they are. So if complete strangers offer up any of these compliments as well, my children will know, that I'm not just saying this because I'm there mom. We just say thank you and keep it moving. No harm done.

 

Shoot now if you must. :scared:

[butterflymommy]

Interesting thread. I was considered very attractive as a teen and I got a LOT of comments. People would stop in their tracks and hand me a compliment. It went to my head big time. I wish my parents had addressed it but I think they were as taken aback as I was. I wished they'd approached it with humor and reminded me that intellect and character are what make a person, not whether they are pretty enough to garner attention. But neither humor nor deep heartedness were ever forthcoming from my parents. (I feel obligated to add that my parents do have many excellent qualities... I seem to complain a lot about them on this board!).

 

As far as my own daughters, I try not to think about it but we have encountered some issues. They are biracial, some look ethnic/ "exotic" and some look white. When we're around whites the darker skinned ones get the comments, when we're around blacks the lighter skinned ones get the comments. Hair is a BIG DEAL among their black classmates. She's had girls get down on their knees and beg her to let them braid it :001_huh:. The kids are always, always touching their hair. I hope it doesn't go to their head. I try to take it all in stride, I always remind them "beauty fades, dumb is forever" (--Judge Judy) and that real beauty really does come from within and that they shouldn't worry about their looks beyond being neat and presentable each day.

 

There's no doubt that attractive people, especially attractive females, have an edge in society, but that edge will only carry them so far. And it can be a curse as much as a blessing... for a lot of reasons.

[butterflymommy]

 

Shoot now if you must. :scared:

 

I think it's a different thing altogether to tell your own children they're beautiful-- but when kids who are bombarded with unsolicited comments from strangers it's a whole other ballgame, especially when one kid gets all the compliments and the other kid doesn't.

 

My husband and I tell our girls all the time that they're beautiful. And when I'm brave I tell my very belligerent son that he's handsome.

 

Coming from parents, it's different somehow.

[DianeW88]

Yes, my dd. She's gorgeous. People literally stop in their tracks to stare at her. They have since she was an infant. Strangers would come up and tell us how beautiful she is. At my husband's company meeting, even middle-aged men would come up and want to hold her at five months old. Guys literally stumble all over themselves around her now that's she's 19. At ballet performances, people from the audience would come up to us and comment how they couldn't take their eyes off my dd...even if their own daughters were dancing.

 

We've tried to make sure that she understands that being beautiful isn't anything she earned...it's just a gift. Her self-esteem needs to come from other sources...from her character and her accomplishments. She's excelled at those as well.

 

When I was little, my father always used to say about good looks, "Yeah, that and a nickel will get you a cup of coffee." :lol: We were always taught that no matter how attractive you might be on the outside, being attractive on the inside was what counted. After five minutes of speaking with you, people will not care if you're beautiful if you're also rude, selfish, snotty or dumb as a doorpost. Work on the inside, and the outside takes care of itself.

Edited June 27, 2012 by DianeW88
I inadvertantly killed a kitten...stupid autocorrect doesn't know the difference between plural and possessive.

[fairfarmhand]

my third daughter (age 7) is absolutely beautiful. Long silky blonde hair to her waist, lovely skin, straight teeth and big blue eyes. She's the eye catching kind of pretty, although all my girls are lovely.

 

I started braiding her hair in a single braid every day to help with the knots but not having it loose also helps us avoid comments on her looks. I don't want her defining herself by her looks.

 

I think I am doing something right, cause last year she was looking at the county fair ads and she saw the "little princess" contests. She was excited about entering, but when I explained to her that it was a beauty contest she was completely disgusted. He first thought was for all the little girls who would NOT win the contest, and might feel bad. She thought it was unfair for grownups to invent a contest that would hurt little girls' feelings because of something that they couldn't help. At 6 years old, I was so proud that she could think it through like that...and she did it instantly too.

[Isinglore]

Our youngest dd is from China and people stop us all the time to comment on her looks, very exotic and she really stands out in our Dutch community. It does get old. We have taught her to politely say thank you and to move on. When peolple say I have a beautiful daughter, I respond that I believe ALL my children are beautiful. I don't think dd will get a big head because she knows about things the others can not see, like the very large and unsightly scars from heart surgery. We also stress that people see the beauty on the outside but God sees the beauty in her heart which is the only beauty that matters.

 

In China, my oldest blond dd became "invisable" while my sons received all sorts of attention. That was a first for them and for her. People were always stopping to take pictures of my sons and to have their children stand by them for pictures. The little old ladies would just hug my boys over and over again. It was quite the experience.:)

[Scarlett]

I imagine this will be a long thread..;)

 

My ds12 is a beautiful child. Once (I have shared this before) I heard two ladies in a department store discussing him and one said, 'he is an exceptionally beautiful child.' :)

 

So far he just flat out doesn't believe people really think he is attractive. He thinks we are all a bunch of liars. As far as how to handle it....I tell him just like my mom told me, 'pretty is as pretty does'. No one cares how pretty you are if you are not nice.

[jewellsmommy]

my third daughter (age 7) is absolutely beautiful. Long silky blonde hair to her waist, lovely skin, straight teeth and big blue eyes. She's the eye catching kind of pretty, although all my girls are lovely.

 

I started braiding her hair in a single braid every day to help with the knots but not having it loose also helps us avoid comments on her looks. I don't want her defining herself by her looks.

 

I think I am doing something right, cause last year she was looking at the county fair ads and she saw the "little princess" contests. She was excited about entering, but when I explained to her that it was a beauty contest she was completely disgusted. He first thought was for all the little girls who would NOT win the contest, and might feel bad. She thought it was unfair for grownups to invent a contest that would hurt little girls' feelings because of something that they couldn't help. At 6 years old, I was so proud that she could think it through like that...and she did it instantly too.

 

 

That's wonderful. :001_smile:

 

Dd has always been cute, not a Miss America type. No curly locks or exotic skin but somehow would always attract attention. Dh would get upset about it. We were in a grocery store when dd was a little less than a yr. An older woman came up, real close, and was talking about dd to her husband. My dh was staring this woman down and I put my hand on his arm because I didn't want him to be mean. He is quite outspoken and rude :tongue_smilie:. Anyway, the lady's husband grabbed her arm and said "I don't think he wants you looking at his baby" :lol: I was mortified at the time. Dh is good at that death threat type stare. It's not a big deal now because she gets comments on her personality, anything from precociousness (which I'm never sure is an insult or compliment :lol:) to her conversational ability or something like "she's quite a character." Yes, yes she is.

 

Ds came along and he is an outward charmer as long as you don't get to know him. :tongue_smilie: Seriously, complete strangers think he is sweet. I am glad he gets that attention because his face is scarred from a dog attack (toddler age, pre-us), and is self conscious about it at times.

 

The only time there is conflict, is when his stuffed wolf gets more attention than her stuffed hippo. They have their signature animals that go with them almost everywhere. Sometimes his stuffed wolf will inspire more comments from strangers than the hippo and dd will be upset on behalf of the hippopotamus population. They are very misunderstood animals, after all. :D

[Audrey]

My ds has a head of thick curly/wavy hair that he wears somewhat longish. If it's wet it is past his shoulders. Dry it hovers around the bottom of his collar. He only got this curly/wavy glory when puberty set in. Prior to that, he was a cutie (IMO, and so I was told by strangers), but now? Well, he gets more compliments than I am comfortable hearing, especially because a lot of the time they are from girls -- older girls. He is very tall, but still only 12 going on 13. I get a little protective when an obviously 16-18 yo girl is fondling my 12 yo's hair.

 

To his credit, my ds doesn't seem to let it go to his ego, and he is politely modest about it. But then again, it's not like he actively discourages the girls' attention either.

[KungFuPanda]

 

To his credit, my ds doesn't seem to let it go to his ego, and he is politely modest about it. But then again, it's not like he actively discourages the girls' attention either.

 

Just because he's pretty it doesn't mean he's stupid. :lol::lol::lol: