When does your 14 yo...

[rutamattatt]

...go to bed?

 

Our oldest dd is 14, and I am having a hard time figuring out what is a "normal" bedtime for a teen girl. She is often tired during the day, but that may be related to other issues than lack of sleep.

 

If you have a teen, do they always go to bed before you? Would you feel comfortable with your teen up and about after you are in bed? At what age would you allow your child to pick their own bed time?

 

Just curious about how this all works in other families.

[amy g.]

Well, mine is almost 14, and I let her go to bed just as soon as she gets my baby to sleep.

 

If she wants to stay up later, she always can.

 

She gets her schoolwork and chores done, so I don't worry about her bedtime.

 

I don't mind going to bed before my teens. Last night, my girls were up all night sewing costumes for goats. I'm sure glad I got a decent night's sleep.

Edited June 6, 2012 by amy g.

[maddykate]

Our oldest (almost 14yo dd) goes to bed around 10pm. Dh and I go to bed around 11pm or so. The younger kids are in the bed around 9pm or so.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Between 10 and 10:30. He doesn't always go to sleep right away but listens to music. He wakes up before me and reads or watches Netflix.

[Aggie]

What time does she have to get up?

 

We are up here between 6 and 7, our days and evenings are packed with school and activities, so even teens should be in bed by 10 or 10:30. I can't imagine my teens functioning well on less than 8hrs of sleep.

 

If dc are up after dh and I are in bed, they can read. Computers are off, though. And nothing is on our tv because we have awful reception. lol

[Melissa B]

On school days, dd 14 is in bed between 10:30 and 11:30 and up at 6:15.

 

Dd 12 has the same bedtime, but she doesn't get up until 7:15.

[missmoe]

Mine goes to bed between 8:30 and 9:30. He gets up at 5:30. My oldest who is 18 is up later than me, but with my kids still in high school I like to stay up while they are up.

[AngieW in Texas]

My two older girls started going to bed between 11pm and midnight by 14yo.

 

My youngest had horrific sleeping issues for two years and is now on insomnia medication. She is militant about bedtime. She takes 1/2 of a Trazodone tablet at 9:45 and takes 1/4 of a tablet at 10:15 and is in bed by 10:30pm. It takes a very special event to get her to change that up by more than 15 minutes. She was almost an hour late getting to bed after prom because it ended at 10pm and we didn't get home until 11:15pm. She was in bed by 11:30 and asleep within moments of hitting the pillow.

 

The middle dd was quite militant about being in bed by 10pm until she was about 12yo and then she suddenly became a night owl and started staying up until nearly midnight. She does try to make sure that she's in bed by 11:30pm because she has problems getting to sleep if she stays up later.

 

My oldest thinks nothing of staying up all night. I'm trying to help her get her body clock fixed to a better schedule because she was up until 5am this morning and was exhausted and irritable all day and collapsed on her bed around 8pm. She also has prescription sleeping medication because she's had major sleep issues in the past too, but she rarely takes it.

 

Dh and I are night owls. I usually go to bed between 12 and 12:30am. He usually goes to bed between 1 and 3am, but last night he was up until 5am when he suddenly realized what time it was and came to bed.

Edited June 6, 2012 by AngieW in Texas

[Tap]

DD13: School week, up at 7:15am--to bed around 10pm.

 

We don't have set bedtimes/wake up times unless there is a reason for it. During the summer, I don't require a set schedule. Some days she gets up after noon and is up most of the night. She is a very natural night owl, so I try to allow her to set he own schedule when she can.

[Dory]

We were always expected to be up at 7 am no matter how late we stayed up. It took me a couple years to learn, but I did learn that if I wanted to function without getting into trouble the next day, I needed to be going to bed by 10-10:30. When I my brothers legal guardian we signed an agreement that he would be home by 11 every night so that it wasn't too disturbing to the household. With him we actually sat down and wrote out a contract as to what we all agreed was alright for us to expect from him and for him to expect from us and then we had him sign it. He never once pushed any of the rules because he felt like he had a voice in the rules.

[Tasia]

My 13 year old goes to bed around 10:30 or 11 and gets up around 7:30.

 

He picks his own bedtime, but gets bored after his brothers go to bed (9:00 and 9:30).

[BakersDozen]

My dc age 12 and up go to bed at 9:30 on weekdays during the summer. During the school year it is 9:00. My 16yo has asked to stay up later but then she cannot drag herself out of bed in the morning so her bedtime stays early. My 15yo, on the other hand, can stay up late and still get himself up in the morning, yet I believe he still needs a large amount of sleep at his age so bedtime is 9:30 at the latest. Weekends they can stay up until 10:30. Every once in a while I will let them pick their own bedtime on a weekend yet they still have to be up at 7:00 and get through their day with no dragging or bad attitudes; they learned real quick that staying up late doesn't usually work well the next morning. I'm a mean mom. ;)

[Tohru]

10:30-11 on weeknights. Midnight on weekends. I wake him at 8:30 every morning. Saturdays and Sundays he can sleep in until 10am.

[Ellie]

Nine to 10.

[Shawna in Texas]

 

I don't mind going to bed before my teens. Last night, my girls were up all night sewing costumes for goats. I'm sure glad I got a decent night's sleep.

 

:D

 

Between 12-2AM on school days and whenever when there's no school. If we had goats, though, I'd imagine she would stay up later during the week.

 

ETA: She's in bed before me 90% of the time, but I don't have a problem with her being up while I'm asleep. But her "boyfriend" lives 3 hours away, though. And doesn't drive, yet.

Edited June 6, 2012 by Shawna in Texas

[sgilli3]

My DS (14) and DD (13) go to bed between 8-8.30pm ( lights out at 8.30)

They are up anywhere from7.30-8.00am ( pretty much all rise then)

 

DS shares a room with DS (1) and DD shares with DD(5).

[Laura Corin]

Calvin goes to bed at 9pm on school nights and whenever we do on non-school nights. He has to be in his room but he probably reads after the 9pm bedtime. He gets up at 7 for school. I do think he needs lots of sleep, so I make it as easy as possible for him to decide to sleep.

 

Laura

[REv1053]

Most nights my 14yo goes to bed between 9 and 10pm. Though he hasn't been getting up by 7am the last few days, so I am going to encourage him to get to sleep earlier.

 

Some nights I am absolutely sleeping before he is. It doesn't bother me.

[Mommyfaithe]

She is in her room by 10. I TRY to get her up at 7. Lately she will sleep until 10 or 11. She had a rough go this spring with sinus infections and bronchitis. She was sick for months....so....I let her sleep long. She has until vacation is over....then back to up at 7! She has schoolwork etc. To catch up on. Summer school awaits:001_smile:

[J-rap]

I don't have a 14 year old anymore, but my 16 year old has been on the same schedule for a couple years. She goes to be around 10 ideally, and up about 8. She just seems to need a lot of sleep.

 

Her next sister up is often up til midnight or 1, sometimes even 2, getting up around 6 or 7. For whatever reason, she does NOT need a lot of sleep. She's done that for years, and so is often up after I'm long asleep. Sometimes she'll bake at that hour.

[MamaT]

My just turned 15yo has to be in her room (or at least quiet) at 10:00 on school nights, but I let her decide when to go to sleep. The same goes for my almost 13 and 13yo kids. Everyone gets up at 7:00. Weekends they usually stay up later. I don't have a problem with them being up after I go to bed.

[Pamela H in Texas]

My mother, when I entered junior high, decided I could do what I wished. The first night, I stayed up late. The second night I was in bed by 7pm. In time, I learned to adjust reasonably, for the most part.

 

This is the same method I used with my own kids.

 

I think it makes a lot more sense for kids to figure out these sorts of things as teenagers rather than controlling it and them playing with it later when the consequences may be much more problematic.

[BellaMama]

When I was 14, I went to bed at 9 PM. Any later, and I felt horrible the next day.

[Home_s_Cool]

All 4 of our kids go to bed at the same time - normally by 9:30. They have always gone to bed together, so we can have an hour by ourselves at night.

 

Their ages are: dd17, dd15, ds13 and ds12.

 

The boys and dd15 are up at 6:15 to eat breakfast with their dad. Morning wake-up varies for our dd17.

[The Girls' Mom]

Mine went to bed around 10PM. She's ALWAYS "tired" and wants more sleep in the mornings, no matter what the bed time. She's been that way since puberty hit. I think it's the nature of the beast :lol: This year, as she is inching closer to 16, I don't monitor her bedtime as much. She often talks to a friend that lives on the other side of the country, and with the time difference it is usually later when they talk. She knows that she has to drag out of bed by 9AM at the latest.

 

All the kids have to go to their rooms by 9:30-10PM though. They usually read or something for a while. It's our way of maintaining routines like teeth brushing and face washing before bed.

 

Oh, and as long as they are quiet, I'm not at all bothered by them being up later than dh and I.

[mazakaal]

My 14yo is usually awake later than I am, but is in his room reading or playing handheld games. He's supposed to get off the computer by 10pm, but I don't mind him staying up later reading or whatever.

[fairfarmhand]

In the summer, she sleeps from around 10-8.

 

In the school year, I made her get up and exercise around 6 am, so she'd put herself to bed around 8 or 8:30. She's found that she feels better if she gets enough sleep, and she hates dragging around all day, sleep deprived.

[angela in ohio]

8 or 8:30 pm, lights out at 9 pm

 

Some nights she has practice or a meeting and isn't home until 9 or a bit later. Then she just goes to bed right away at 9:30 or so.

 

I believe one of the biggest gifts I'm giving my dc in homeschooling is the ability to sleep the amount of time required by growing teens, and also the ability to set healthy sleep habits. I remember being so tired and having such trouble focusing. My parents let me stay up as late as I "needed" to get my school work done, so I would procrastinate, stay up late, and then be tired every day. It was a horrible habit, ingrained for so long that it followed me into adulthood.

 

I have talked to my dc so much about healthy sleep that they follow the times we recommend. :001_smile: We do require that they be upstairs by 9, because I believe time alone together every day is important for our marriage.

[Lady Florida.]

 

Between 12-2AM on school days and whenever when there's no school.

 

ETA: She's in bed before me 90% of the time, but I don't have a problem with her being up while I'm asleep.

 

Mine doesn't have a bedtime, and normally falls asleep between 12 and 2AM too. He gets up around 9 or 9:30. I'm comfortable with him being up while we're asleep. He stays in his room and reads or watches something on Netflix, though he'll occasionally come out and get a snack.

 

He is capable of making himself go to sleep early if he knows he has to be up early for something, so I'm not worried.

[TheApprentice]

My 14 yo ds goes to bed between 11:00-11:30pm.

[DawnM]

Around 10pm. He hasn't asked to stay up later and seems to like going to bed at the same time as the 12 year old so they can talk in their room.

 

They talk until around 10:30 or 11pm.

[higginszoo]

Usually between 9 and 10 ... some nights, his activities keep him up later. If he's home, he's in his room soon after 9, but they talk and read in there for a while.

[Melinda S in TX]

8 or 8:30 pm, lights out at 9 pm

 

I have talked to my dc so much about healthy sleep that they follow the times we recommend. :001_smile: We do require that they be upstairs by 9, because I believe time alone together every day is important for our marriage.

 

:iagree:

 

We have a very small home and for dh and I to spend any time alone, the children (all of them) have to be in bed by 8-8:30. The older four (17, 14, 12, 9) read until 9. Dh and I are in bed by 10-10:30 and everyone is up by 6am on weekdays or 7am on the weekend.

[ValRN]

I think it all depends upon the dc.

 

My 14 ds's bed time is 9:00 PM and he is supposed to wake up by 7:30AM. That's 10.5 hours of sleep (he falls asleep immediately after going to bed), and he STILL has difficulty waking up. He does not wake up on his own by 7:30 unless he has consequences for not waking up.

 

My 17 ds's bed time (yes, my 17 y/o has a bed time) is 10:30PM...unless he has work to complete. Then he may stay up until the work is complete and that is usually no later than 1AM. This ds also has difficulty waking up. He is a very sound sleeper. However, he wakes up much better having had 6 hours of sleep than he does having had 8-10 hours of sleep. He is to be awake by 7AM.

 

My 11 dd's bed time is 8:30PM. She does not fall asleep right away and will often be awake until 10 or 11 or so. She wakes up the easiest and seems to only need 6 to 8 hours of sleep. She is to be awake by 8:30AM. There are times when she goes to sleep around 11PM and wakes up before 5:45AM and she's not tired or grumpy during the day.

 

None of my kids nap during the day. Well, let me take that back. Occasionally, my ds 17 will take a quick nap during the day.

 

I know that some people believe that teens should be allowed to control their bed time. I strongly feel that my husband and I need a period of time at the end of the day to be able to spend time with each other child-free and unwind in peace and quiet. I also strongly feel that children need AT LEAST 8 hours of sleep each night.

 

Ds 17 attends classes at the community college where more than one of his classmates fall asleep in class on a regular basis. My brother also subs for elementary, middle, and high school and has mentioned how the elementary kids fall asleep in class. I hold parents accountable for providing an environment where their children are able to get their required amount of sleep.

[ocelotmom]

My personal feeling with teens is that they can choose their own bedtime as long as they're getting adequate sleep, are getting their schoolwork and chores done, and are safe at home at appropriate hours for their age. I feel that there is adequate research to support this, as well as my personal experience. When I was a teen, I found that I functioned best and was happiest if I slept from about 1:00 or 2:00AM - 9:00AM. Trying to get to sleep earlier just had me fighting insomnia. Later, and I'd still wake up around 9:00 anyways and not get enough sleep.

 

I may change my mind when I actually have a teen, especially if their chosen sleep hours interfere with the rest of the family.

[elegantlion]

On school nights it's 10:30. We're not morning people so we don't start school until 10am anyway.

 

Non-school nights is a wash. Unless we're going somewhere the next morning he can stay up as late as he likes. We're out of school and he stayed up until 4am the other night. He was playing games or something, we're not too limiting on screens.

 

During the school year I like him to be in bed by 1 even on the weekends, but this is summer and he may not get to do this next summer. He has to be up by noon however. Yes, I realize that is so different from other people, but I'm working at home during the mornings this summer, so it's nice to have the silence.

 

He's growing to be a night owl, which is fine, because he's quiet respectful of the fact we're sleeping, and I know where he is, kwim.

[BakersDozen]

I believe one of the biggest gifts I'm giving my dc in homeschooling is the ability to sleep the amount of time required by growing teens, and also the ability to set healthy sleep habits.

:iagree: I really hope my dc take the sleep habits I am instilling in them now into adulthood.

 

especially if their chosen sleep hours interfere with the rest of the family.

Along with getting adequate sleep this really is the heart of why I instill bedtimes, even for my older dc. We eat breakfast as a family, we move as a family. I need my time at night, my dh and I need our time at night.

[Tap]

......

 

He's growing to be a night owl, which is fine, because he's quiet respectful of the fact we're sleeping, and I know where he is, kwim.

 

 

This was my mother's theory as well. The later we slept, the more hours that she knew where we were, and what we were doing. LOL