How would you have reacted?

[sassenach]

Dh and I had a cross country conference last week. We left the youngest 2 kids with dh's father and his wife for the first time. We skyped with them every night we were away. On Friday night, all of their phones went straight to voicemail. We tried several times over the course of an hour and then went to bed. The next day, the phone situation was the same. We emailed, facebooked and left more voicemails. By the evening, we were getting pretty worried. We contacted MIL's granddaughter (FIL and his wife just married 5 years ago, this is a gd on the wife's side) via Facebook. Our flight took off at 7pm eastern time, we landed at 9:30 pacific. I was really expecting to have a voicemail waiting for us when we landed, as it was dh's birthday and I assumed that the kids would want to call him. When we landed, the situation remained the same. We started the hour drive to FIL's house, but hit traffic. By then, I was getting really wound up after no contact for 48 hours. I called the local police and asked them to do a welfare check. Just as I finished that call, FIL calls. Everything is fine. The phone got knocked off the hook, cell phones were turned off. I felt a little silly for imagining that there had been a carbon dioxide leak at there house, or something equally sinister. The only thing I was still very upset about was that they had not bothered to try to call us.

 

I tried to not let that overshadow the fact that they had just spent the week doing lots of fun things with the kids, who were otherwise very happy and mostly healthy.

 

So, the other thing I discovered when we got there was that dd had some sort of allergic reaction to something and had hives all over her face. It started on Wednesday, and MIL brought her to the pharmacy. The pharmacist told her to use cortisone cream, but not benedryl unless we cleared it. They never called me to talk about it. I would have definitely approved the benedryl. I'm kind of shocked that I didn't notice them on Skype, but dd was a bit of a moving target every time we talked, and reception was iffy. I don't understand why they didn't call and talk to me about it.

 

When we picked up the kids, I let it all go and just thanked them for taking care of the kids. Dh was still pretty mad, but mostly just avoided the topic and packed us up.

 

So, since you all are my crazy-meter (dangerous, I know), I need to know where my reaction lands on the spectrum. Poll to follow!

[Slartibartfast]

I would have felt similarly.

 

I probably wouldn't have called the police but I would have sent relatives around to check.

[Slipper]

Anytime my family keeps the kids, they know I worry. Because of that, they seem to NOT tell me when something goes mildly awry - cuts, bruises and mild allergic reactions to insect bites. Everytime it happens, I always say, "You should have called me!" and every time they respond, "We didn't want you to worry! We didn't want to bother you!"

 

I wouldn't be mad although I would've been annoyed about no contact on DH's birthday. I trust a pharmacist for things that I felt didn't warrant a doctor. And if the cream was working, then there was no need for benadryl.

 

Honestly, they probably thought they were doing good since they hadn't heard from you in 48 hours! lol

 

I think I'd let it slide. All in all, it wasn't too bad.

[sassenach]

Just realized that my last 2 options didn't align with the poll question. Oops!

[MindyD]

Honestly, I wouldn't be too bothered by it. The kids were safe and with people you trusted. They knew the situation wasn't serious, and your children were fine. :001_smile:

[sassenach]

I would have felt similarly.

 

I probably wouldn't have called the police but I would have sent relatives around to check.

 

All of our relatives were an hour plus away. We were within an hour and a half of arriving. I felt pretty silly about the police thing when it was all done and over with.

[sassenach]

Anytime my family keeps the kids, they know I worry. Because of that, they seem to NOT tell me when something goes mildly awry - cuts, bruises and mild allergic reactions to insect bites. Everytime it happens, I always say, "You should have called me!" and every time they respond, "We didn't want you to worry! We didn't want to bother you!"

 

I wouldn't be mad although I would've been annoyed about no contact on DH's birthday. I trust a pharmacist for things that I felt didn't warrant a doctor. And if the cream was working, then there was no need for benadryl.

 

Honestly, they probably thought they were doing good since they hadn't heard from you in 48 hours! lol

 

I think I'd let it slide. All in all, it wasn't too bad.

 

Yeah, I'm definitely letting it go. Overall, I think they had a very successful week with the kids. The cream really wasn't working though. I wish they had just called to ask. If it had been a dh and I get away, I think I would understand not calling, but we still had ds11 with us. It was a total ministry trip, complete with sleeping on the floor of a friend's house. No romance to interrupt!

 

This is me, letting it go........:auto:

[Brindee]

Seriously? These are your children you're talking about! DH and I would have cared less whether his parents called him for his Birthday! I mean, really, we're adults and don't require that kind of thing of our families. Nice if they do call, but not upset or bothered if they don't!

 

As much as I'd love and trust the parents, I'd still have been worried! I would have acted very similarly to how you acted! I'd let it go, cuz I DO love and trust them, but definitely would've been concerned at not being able to get in touch with them at all for 48 hours!

Edited February 6, 2012 by Brindee

[Garga]

Seriously? These are your children you're talking about! DH and I would have cared less whether his parents called him for his Birthday! I mean, really, we're adults and don't require that kind of thing of our families. Nice if they do call, but not upset or bothered if they don't!

 

 

It sounds like the OP wasn't concerned about her dh's parents calling him for his birthday, but was concerned that her dh's parents didn't help his children to call him for his birthday.

 

If I was away from my kids on my birthday and they were with the grandparents, I would assume that the grandparents would say, "Ok, kids! Let's call your dad so you can wish him a happy birthday!"

[jplain]

As much as I'd love and trust the parents, I'd still have been worried! I would have acted very similarly to how you acted! I'd let it go, cuz I DO love and trust them, but definitely would've been concerned at not being able to get in touch with them at all for 48 hours!

:iagree:

 

A welfare check was completely warranted. I'd have done the same thing.

[AuntieM]

I have gotten that "we didn't want to worry you" line, too. It bothers me.

 

But what REALLY makes me mad is when they won't answer their phones - home and cell - when I call. That's VERY wrong, IMO.

 

ETA - phone off the hook, cells not turned on, is not a valid excuse. They can turn 'em off any other time of the year, but not when they have possession of my children. I think they (speaking of my folks) need to actually be more vigilant to maintain communication lines when they have them.

[Danestress]

because to me, her instincts on whether hives requires one cream or another are just as reliable as mine. And if she really thought Benedryl were the better option, she would just do it. She wouldn't wait for my permission for an OTC drug unless the kid had allergies, which she would know about. So I wouldn't be upset at all - hive happen, and if it were THAT big of a deal, I would have heard about it. But if your MIL has poor judgment, you are going to feel differently about this.

 

The phone thing is annoying, but just one of those things. For some reason, all the older people in my family keep their cell phones off "so the battery doesn't run down." It drives me nuts. I have told my Mom 1000 times that she can PLUG IT IN AT NIGHT.

 

The thing is, if my Mom or MIL doesn't answer the phone after I have tried a few times, I end up going to check on them. They both are within a mile or two of me. I do worry about them having strokes or heart attacks. I actually would worry much less with kids ranging from age 7 - 14, because between them, some one would know to call me or call 911.

 

So I would have worried in your situation, but not enough to call the police or start bringing relatives in on it.

[Catwoman]

I would have felt exactly as you did.

[ChristyB in TN]

I would have done exactly what you did had I been able to keep myself and my emotions intact. That was not cool! Very nice of them to watch the kids, though! :001_smile:

[Shellydon]

I would have FREAKED out. I would have had someone at the house the next morning. If friends/relatives were not available, I would have called the police.

[Pretty in Pink]

Yep, I would have reacted the same as you did, and I would have phoned the police as well. This type of behavior is exactly why my ILs are no longer getting my children for extended periods of time. An overnight, perhaps, but no longer.

[Parrothead]

Around here hives can become life threatening. So to me hives is never "not a big deal." That said, for your children hives may just be a minor annoyance. Something along the lines of a cut, scrape or dandruff. It wouldn't be a big deal especially since they probably thought you could see it and never mentioned it yourself.

 

The no contact for 48 hours is bizarre and not something I find acceptable. I would have been LIVID! Highly irresponsible and totally unacceptable.

[Danestress]

Highly irresponsible and totally unacceptable.

 

We are so used to expecting to reach whoever we want whenever we want. I wonder if our parents, who were raised in an era where if your husband traveled, you were lucky to hear from him every few days, just think about this differently than we do. My parents traveled some and left us with a trusted sitter. They hardly ever called. It just wasn't something you did.

 

I talked to my parents once a week in college. I know Moms now who talk to their daughters every day and just expect that.

 

We have cell phones now and that's just the way it is, so it's normal we expect to be able to reach people. But I wonder if it would occur to most people over 55 that young mothers today would expect daily phone calls and would consider it "irresponsible" and "unacceptable" if that didn't happen. They were just used to trusting things to be ok, and it probably seems like we are hovering. Though honestly, the few times my kids have been away for more than a night, I have been on pins and needles.

[Parrothead]

We are so used to expecting to reach whoever we want whenever we want. I wonder if our parents, who were raised in an era where if your husband traveled, you were lucky to hear from him every few days, just think about this differently than we do. My parents traveled some and left us with a trusted sitter. They hardly ever called. It just wasn't something you did.

 

I talked to my parents once a week in college. I know Moms now who talk to their daughters every day and just expect that.

 

We have cell phones now and that's just the way it is, so it's normal we expect to be able to reach people. But I wonder if it would occur to most people over 55 that young mothers today would expect daily phone calls and would consider it "irresponsible" and "unacceptable" if that didn't happen. They were just used to trusting things to be ok, and it probably seems like we are hovering. Though honestly, the few times my kids have been away for more than a night, I have been on pins and needles.

But because we do live in an era where communication is not difficult and when it has been made clear that communication will be attempted every day something is off when one ignores those attempts.

 

If it were me I would have made very clear that I expected to speak to dd before bedtime each evening while I was traveling. My over 65 parents, with one who fought in Vietnam, know about being out of pocket. They also know that when contact is expected, contact is expected. My parents would have been worried when they went to bed and realized they hadn't heard from me that first evening.

[sassenach]

Seriously? These are your children you're talking about! DH and I would have cared less whether his parents called him for his Birthday! I mean, really, we're adults and don't require that kind of thing of our families. Nice if they do call, but not upset or bothered if they don't!

 

As much as I'd love and trust the parents, I'd still have been worried! I would have acted very similarly to how you acted! I'd let it go, cuz I DO love and trust them, but definitely would've been concerned at not being able to get in touch with them at all for 48 hours!

 

The birthday thing wasn't a "pay attention to me because it's my birthday" thing. It was more of just another strange lack of contact. Out of character, so therefore alarming.

[Mommyof4ks]

I would have had someone check up on them too. When my dd was nearly burned due to negligence on the part of someone that a family member left her, with (without our permission), we packed up, took her home and just did not ask that family member to watch our kids again until they were old enough to take care of themselves. Oddly enough I have issues with the way this relative handles allergic reactions too. This time all is well, but next time it might not be.

[KidsHappen]

The no phone thing wouldn't bother me now but probably would have when my kids were younger. The hives thing would have freaked me out. Hives are cause for immediate action as in take Benedryl first and ask questions later. I am allergic to shellfish and iodine. My very first anaphylactic reaction went from hives to can't breath in minutes. Luckily, I was in a hospital at the time. Hives can be from a simple contact allergic reaction or even from getting too hot or cold but they can also be a signal that you will stop breathing pretty darn quickly and the trouble is that you simply can not know which it is. Benedryl should have been administered long before she had time to even get to a pharamacist to ask a question and a parent should definitely have been contacted right away.

[jujsky]

I would have FREAKED out. I would have had someone at the house the next morning. If friends/relatives were not available, I would have called the police.

 

Me too!

[Dmmetler]

I get nervous when my 40 yr old husband comes home later from work than I expect, because I have visions of him being in a fiery car crash or something. I'd be in an absolute panic if I didn't hear from my DD for 48 hours.

 

And I'd want to know about an allergic reaction, too. I always carry benedryl with me because my allergic reactions can go bad very quickly, and DD has had a couple of spontaneous breakouts where we have no clue what the cause was. You don't wait with sudden hives-benedryl can make the difference between needing an epi-pen and not.

Edited February 6, 2012 by dmmetler

[catz]

It might depend on your child's history of allergies. If my kid got a rash, I wouldn't be phased at all because they have never had severe allergic reactions to anything and it wouldn't bother me if the grandparents didn't call. If it required a trip to the doctor, I would definitely expect a call. But if they had a history of severe allergic reactions, then absolutely I wouldn't have wanted a call. Like my daughter had chronic ear infections when she was younger, and I would have liked a call if she was showing possible ear infection symptoms when we were going through that.

 

I would be bothered if you had been speaking every night and you suddenly couldn't get a hold of them by any means. I probably would have been mad and annoyed other than seriously worried though. I doubt I would call the police, but possibly another local relative.

Edited February 6, 2012 by kck

[sparrow]

I would have reacted the same way. 48 hours is a looooooong time. I'd also expect a call about the allergic reaction.

[Lisa R.]

We are so used to expecting to reach whoever we want whenever we want. I wonder if our parents, who were raised in an era where if your husband traveled, you were lucky to hear from him every few days, just think about this differently than we do. My parents traveled some and left us with a trusted sitter. They hardly ever called. It just wasn't something you did.

 

I talked to my parents once a week in college. I know Moms now who talk to their daughters every day and just expect that.

 

We have cell phones now and that's just the way it is, so it's normal we expect to be able to reach people. But I wonder if it would occur to most people over 55 that young mothers today would expect daily phone calls and would consider it "irresponsible" and "unacceptable" if that didn't happen. They were just used to trusting things to be ok, and it probably seems like we are hovering. Though honestly, the few times my kids have been away for more than a night, I have been on pins and needles.

 

I agree that this is likely a generational difference. The older generation isn't always used to the idea of being available for constant communication. They were used to long distance phone charges, pay phones, calling cards, and such. We're used to cell phones and Skype where we can easily be in contact without hassle or extra cost.

 

As far as hives, these are not uncommon. Yes, for some kids they are life-threatening. My kids will get these on and off for rolling in the grass. No big deal. It sounds like your mom acted responsibly by taking dd to the pharmacy and getting a pharmacist's opinion.

 

I'm assuming your parents are very responsible with your kids, or you would not have let them babysit in the first place. If people are very, very particular (as some prior posters seem to be) then they shouldn't leave their kids with anyone. When you trust some enough to take care of your kids, you need to trust their judgment. Your parents did what they thought was best. In addition, they're laid back about their cell phones. (My parents are the same way.) They were probably enjoying the grandchildren so much, it didn't occur for them to call.

 

If I were you, I'd be grateful, not upset. You received some great babysitting for free and had the chance to get away with just your dh.

:)

[LibraryLover]

48 hours with no contact would have me very worried. That's too long with young kids.

[kitten18]

We are so used to expecting to reach whoever we want whenever we want. I wonder if our parents, who were raised in an era where if your husband traveled, you were lucky to hear from him every few days, just think about this differently than we do. My parents traveled some and left us with a trusted sitter. They hardly ever called. It just wasn't something you did.

 

I talked to my parents once a week in college. I know Moms now who talk to their daughters every day and just expect that.

 

We have cell phones now and that's just the way it is, so it's normal we expect to be able to reach people. But I wonder if it would occur to most people over 55 that young mothers today would expect daily phone calls and would consider it "irresponsible" and "unacceptable" if that didn't happen. They were just used to trusting things to be ok, and it probably seems like we are hovering. Though honestly, the few times my kids have been away for more than a night, I have been on pins and needles.

I would definitely think this is a big part of it. My parents almost always had their cell phone off to "save the battery".:willy_nilly:;)

 

 

 

OP - sounds like you handled it really well. I would not have thought to call the police to do a welfare check but that was a good idea. I would have been VERY worried after about 12 hours.

It's great you didn't freak out on the grandparents. Next time you will be able to be more specific in your requests for keeping contact.

[happi duck]

I have gotten that "we didn't want to worry you" line, too. It bothers me.

 

But what REALLY makes me mad is when they won't answer their phones - home and cell - when I call. That's VERY wrong, IMO.

 

ETA - phone off the hook, cells not turned on, is not a valid excuse. They can turn 'em off any other time of the year, but not when they have possession of my children. I think they (speaking of my folks) need to actually be more vigilant to maintain communication lines when they have them.

 

:iagree: Especially because this was the first time watching the kids.

[Tammyla]

If my kids were young, all of that would have bothered me, and I don't think they would be my first choice of care in the future.

[Princess Peach]

I would've felt the same way as you and I would hesitate to leave them there again. Who leaves the phone off the hook and cell phones off for two whole days? And I would've been irritated that they did not contact you about the hives. My DD is allergic to penicillin and it is scary. I'd want to be notified.

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

I fight anxiety attacks on a regular basis. Not being able to reach them in 48hrs would have me hospitalized. I'd have sent the police a lot sooner, and I'd have been a basketcase upon reaching the house. I applaud you for keeping your cool.

[Shellers]

I would have freaked out, but I'm not sure if I would have called the police.

 

If you leave your kids with them again, get one of those pay as you go phones and give it to the kids so you can keep in touch.

[Slipper]

If the in-laws are keeping our kids, we typically send medicine they can take and pre-marked cups for dosage. We always send tylenol, neosporin and bendaryl. That typically takes care of problems.

 

Also, if you want to be contacted daily (or have contact daily), I'd make sure that was clear. That would prevent telephone problems in the future.

 

I'm sorry you were so worried. :grouphug:

[Gentlemommy]

I would have been livid if they didn't initiate contact with me after not hearing from me. (since the cell phones were off and the other phone got knocked off the hook)

And I would have been equally as angry about not mentioning the allergic reaction, AND giving my child medicine without permission from dh or myself. I would not leave my kids there again.:glare:

Edited February 6, 2012 by Gentlemommy

[Supertechmom]

Oh my!! Freak city isn't the word. The only difference would be if hubby could talk me out of burning bridges then or later. I assure you they would never get the chance to ever watch my kids again. I know many would say that is extreme but sorry knowing I had been calling, skyping and then suddenly the phones are off and no contact........passive aggressive. They didn't want you to speak to them. That's how I would take it. Safe and secure in the end does not justify not letting me speak to my kids. It would have been extremely hard not to have blasted them right then and there. But I would have sucked it up, gotten my kids and never let them have them again. (but we have highly passive aggressive parents that would have been a last consideration for babysitting anyway so my advise may be way off base for normal lol!)

[LMD]

I would have been panicked too. Out of character not answering of phones is very scary IMO. It does seem irresponsible, what if they had an emergengcy and needed to use their cell phones? What if you had had an emergency?

 

One of my best friends in highschool, with her dad & little sister, died of carbon-monoxide poisoning from a leaky heater, her mother knew something was up when no-one answered the phone for about 24hrs and sent police around.

 

The hives thing I'm not sure how much would bother me... but my kids - especially my boys - get rashes quite frequently that never turn into emergencies.

[SKL]

I could see calling the police if you weren't on your way home anyway. But yeah, that was a bit over the top.

 

I have no idea how many times you called and left messages. Usually if you leave 1 message via each medium that is enough, more is overkill. It was a bit rude (IMO) that they did not bother to respond to any of your messages or check in with you at all for 48 hours. But they did apologize.

 

The allergic reaction? It would depend on how serious it was and whether this was unusual for your daughter. If it was not something that would have freaked you out were you home, and if they had it under control, they were right to let you go about your business without worrying about that.

 

Overall, the favor they did you was much more than the mistakes made, so I would not let it bother me. In the future you might want to be clear up front about how you want to communicate and what you want to be informed of (in a nice way, of course).

[katilac]

I think lots of people are overreacting. The phone was KNOCKED off the hook, not taken off the hook, and there are lots of people (especially the older generation) who do not make sure their cell phones are on daily.

 

And the hives? Well, they took the child to a pharmacist to get them checked out! Although they CAN be part of what turns into a severe allergic reaction, hive are extremely common and generally no big deal. Unless the person was told ahead of time to beware of allergic reactions, I think they were perfectly reasonable. Why didn't they ask about the Benadryl? I dunno. My best guess would be that it didn't seem severe, the kid wasn't complaining, and they forgot about it when they talked to you. Clearly, they weren't trying to hide it (Skype).

 

Both my kids and I have had long, agonizing bouts with hives (as in months on end). If hives occur, it's very much best to address it quickly and aggressively. However, I certainly would not expect someone else to know that!

 

I think this is just a case of different expectations, and lack of communication and direction on BOTH SIDES. Would it have been ideal for the grandparents to call and ask about the hives? Yes. It would also have been ideal for the parents to bring the children with whatever medicines they routinely used for illness. This eliminates guesswork and trying to reach the parents, and also the inconvenience of the babysitters having to go buy the medicine. At that age, I would have sent my kids with medicine for allergies, headache/fever, tummy upset, and so on, along with written directions for their current dosage (the sitter is not likely to know current weight, etc).

 

I think it's fine that you called for a welfare check; better safe than sorry! But I don't think you have reason to be upset or angry with them. I'd certainly leave my kids with them again, I'd just clarify my expectations and do a better job of preparation on my own end.

[katilac]

Also, you might have done this, but for a visit of that length, the sitters need to have your medical card and medical power of attorney.

[Haiku]

I would imagine that grandparents feel that they have raised their kids, who didn't turn out dead, and that they can handle minor issues. I appreciate that my dad doesn't call me with every little thing that goes wrong when he is watching my kids. It gives me a chance to truly get away and relax.

 

I wouldn't leave my kids with my dad if I didn't trust him to take care of routine, minor situations.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

We are so used to expecting to reach whoever we want whenever we want. I wonder if our parents, who were raised in an era where if your husband traveled, you were lucky to hear from him every few days, just think about this differently than we do. My parents traveled some and left us with a trusted sitter. They hardly ever called. It just wasn't something you did.

 

Yup.

 

When I was nine my dad traveled to China for six weeks for business. He called twice.

 

Tara

[Brindee]

Actually, I should clarify my first answer. I was reacting to the OP's post, as well as this one...

 

I wouldn't be mad although I would've been annoyed about no contact on DH's birthday....

 

......I think I'd let it slide. All in all, it wasn't too bad.

That's the one I was answering about the Birthday thing, not the OP's. :001_smile: It almost sounded like this person felt the no Bday thing was almost worse than the rest of it, though I'm sure that's not what she meant!

 

 

As a parent, if dh & I left our kids with our parents when they were young (we did that twice), we and they knew that we'd be calling around bedtime each night to talk with the kids.... not only for our sake, but for the kids. It just worked out well that way. So the no answer, no call back, nothing WOULD have scared and bothered me! The thing is, now that we DO have ways to be in contact, that's what we promised our children. We would also talk with our parents and see how things were going and if they (the parents) were okay. We would have cut short our trip if the kids or our parents were having problems!

 

I'm not a huge worrier, and now that the kids are older dh and I don't worry so much, but the "unknown" in this situation would've been scary then! Even now I wouldn't like not knowing anything if the norm is to be in contact!

Edited February 6, 2012 by Brindee

[sassenach]

I'm just going to clear a couple of things up and then move on. I appreciate knowing that I am not crazy over the top overreacting.

 

Oh my!! Freak city isn't the word. The only difference would be if hubby could talk me out of burning bridges then or later. I assure you they would never get the chance to ever watch my kids again. I know many would say that is extreme but sorry knowing I had been calling, skyping and then suddenly the phones are off and no contact........passive aggressive. They didn't want you to speak to them. That's how I would take it. Safe and secure in the end does not justify not letting me speak to my kids. It would have been extremely hard not to have blasted them right then and there. But I would have sucked it up, gotten my kids and never let them have them again. (but we have highly passive aggressive parents that would have been a last consideration for babysitting anyway so my advise may be way off base for normal lol!)

 

Oh, I know the type of person that you speak of here, but that's definitely not my in-laws. There was nothing passive aggressive about this. They just plain didn't think that the 2 days no contact was a big deal.

 

 

I think this is just a case of different expectations, and lack of communication and direction on BOTH SIDES. Would it have been ideal for the grandparents to call and ask about the hives? Yes. It would also have been ideal for the parents to bring the children with whatever medicines they routinely used for illness. This eliminates guesswork and trying to reach the parents, and also the inconvenience of the babysitters having to go buy the medicine. At that age, I would have sent my kids with medicine for allergies, headache/fever, tummy upset, and so on, along with written directions for their current dosage (the sitter is not likely to know current weight, etc).

 

I think it's fine that you called for a welfare check; better safe than sorry! But I don't think you have reason to be upset or angry with them. I'd certainly leave my kids with them again, I'd just clarify my expectations and do a better job of preparation on my own end.

 

Also, you might have done this, but for a visit of that length, the sitters need to have your medical card and medical power of attorney.

 

We did bring commonly needed meds, complete with instructions. We also left med cards and releases. This is the second time ever that a child of mine has gotten hives. It was the first time that this specific child has. I just didn't think to bring benedryl, because it's not commonly needed in my world.

 

I wish they had called, NOT because dd got hives (although, I think that would have been nice, too), but because the pharmacist suggested benedryl, dd clearly needed benedryl, but MIL didn't want to give it to her without permission. But she never called to get permission. I would have actually been less bothered if she had just given her the benedryl. It was the acknowledgement that dd needed it, and yet the lack of getting the permission that bothered me.

 

You are totally right on me dropping the ball on communication with the IL's. There were things that I assumed, that I now know needed to be laid out. My mom usually watches the kids, and there are things that I just took for granted as standard. I definitely still trust them to watch the kids. After the reaction, MIL replace all soaps and cleaned all of the sheets and clothes with dreft. She sent my kids home with a suitcase full of clean clothes. She's a gem.

 

And I agree with Danestress, there is definitely a generational thing going on here. In the future, I will know to go over these things in more detail.

[ErinE]

The allergic reaction would have upset me the most. If my child had hives all over his face and needed treatment, I would have wanted to know, if only to suggest potential treatments.

[Impish]

*havent read other responses*

 

The only thing I wouldn't have done, is call the police.

 

I would, however, be absolutely livid.

 

I don't care what ppl do for the most part, but if you're minding my kids, you'd best be answering the phone. Period.

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

I fully admit that my response was over-reacting. There is nothing rational about panic attacks. I don't have them just for fits and giggles.

[Joanne]

None of that would have bothered me.

 

Last summer, we took my oldest son's gf with us on a family reunion in "hill country" Texas. We had known her and her family for 5+ years. I had homeschooled her for 4 years, and taught her in a private school for 1. I had homeschooled her sister. This family was in my home for 5 days a week for that long.

 

So, we go to hill country for the weekend. Cell service? Not so much. It is at a rural place with cabins that is called a "resort", but it's not really. It's a rural place with cabins. No FB, no computer.

 

Mom FREAKED OUT. She left multiple messages on everyone's vm (mine, dh's, all 3 of my kids and her dd's and FB'ed us all).

 

Come on. Really?

[love2read]

I would have been worried and upset too, but I've seen this sort of thing before and almost always the grandparents think they're giving their own kids a break from parenting and don't want to bother or worry them. I'd look at the positive, but probably not leave them again until the children were older.