HSinNH Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. They have no assets, no mortgage, no money, nothing. The only thing they share besides the kids, are medical bills. OK...THEY might not have any money or assets, but HE sure does! Nobody travels the country/world making $20,000/year. She needs a lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 Child support, healthcare, alimony to rehabilitate her back into the work force, custody and visitation, division of debts, possible bankruptcy filing depending on the amount of debt and a million other items. I am an attorny and can say that she is making poor choices on her own behalf and that of her children. Wherever they spent the last year is where the jurisdiction for filing for and adjudicating a divorce usually is. There is no good reason to not speak to an attorney first. It costs a great deal more to undo the damage people who engage in self help commit than to simply speak to a domestic relations /family law attorney. Get the ducks in a row and then move forward. This attorney heeds the sage legal advice of the hero Davy Crockett,"Be always sure you are right, then go ahead." Truly you have no idea what this woman is owed on future earning capacity of her husband and you are doing her a disservice by permitting her to act impulsively. Loving someone does not mean letting them cut off their nose to spite their face. I will pass this onto her. She was following through with plans that were already in the works, this was impulsivness at all. My knowledge of law is miniscule as his both of theirs. I think they assumed that because the divorce is agreed on by both partners that representation is not needed. I have not counseled her on any specifics whatsoever merely listened as she has worked her way through different thoughts. As for my traveling to help, that is for the simple fact as she can not drive a car and a moving van at the same time. What is an estimated cost to get a lawyer involved? Filing fee in GA is $600-$900. I will say that despite what she chooses to do, money will be a huge factor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 As Dave Ramsey says, she needs to get an attorney she can barely stand to be in the same room with. Someone who will absolutely nail this clown to the wall. And he is correct. I am that person. And **** proud of it. The days of white shoe attorneys are long gone as most of those are cooling their clean shoes in prison or hiding out hoping no one finds out how thoroughly they cooked the books to make bad loans, create huge losses and lie about where the orders to do so came from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I will say that despite what she chooses to do, money will be a huge factor. Losing out on 15 years of child support could be very costly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 About the moving..... they have had this move planned for a month now. The original plan was that they move here mid-February then the move was pushed back to the end of March so that he could travel to India for a month. Now that she doesn't have to wait for him she wants to continue on with the move as planned. He wants nothing but his guitars and even told her to sell it all if she wants. He honestly has no ties what so ever to their life. She will file here in Idaho because we have a shorter wait time and because court isn't needed in an uncontested divorce as it is in Georgia. She has to go to a short class and that is all. She has been in GA for 9 months and has no support system at all. She knows one person who happens to be a business parterns wife. She wants to be here where she can break down if need be with people around to help. As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. They have no assets, no mortgage, no money, nothing. The only thing they share besides the kids, are medical bills. He wants nothing to do with them except visitation, and even that he doesn't want on a schedule because his business takes him all over the country and India frequently. They already have a house lined up here in Idaho and he let her know tonight that he already has an apartment here also. He apprently plans to relocate back here after India as well (all family is here on both sides.) So...what a mess. Is there anything in writing stating what he wants/doesn't want? If not, it will be just her word against his if he decides to get nasty. It won't (really) be about the kids; it will be about him controlling her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 She nearly filed 3 years ago and apprently the child support could be set up without a lawyer (???). I think anyway. I know that as soon as she was on food stamps the state automatically started garnishing even though it was a seperation. As for insurance, what do they do when someone is self employed and not able to get insurance? They have never had insurance and I doubt ever will. If there's no effort on her part to collect child support, she won't be able to even get them medicaid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 She should file for a divorce and an immediate order of child support and alimony. Don't wait for him to "give" her money. He very well may not. Get it in writing that he consents to the children being moved to Idaho. I am so sorry - thoughts and prayers.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: She can petition the court for emergency and immediate relief that he will have to provide. She needs to call an attorney and do this. :iagree: You need to be her advocate in this and PUSH her to lawyer up. If not for herself, then FOR HER KIDS. Momma may want to roll over and play dead, but that's not fair to them, their health and their future. Otherwise she should have gotten a sperm donor. And she may not like lawyers, but they will be there for HER and make sure the jello gets nailed to the wall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) Thinking about this some more. If she leaves the marital house scumbag-almost-ex could claim abandonment. it would make the whole situation her fault instead of his. She needs to stay put for the time being. This was my understanding too. A friend went through a divorce and she and the soon-to-be ex had to stay in the same house for months -- accd. to both attorneys. From my experience with attorneys -- much different situation -- it was a real learning curve to delve into the world of attorneys. I wish I had known in the beginning that I was about to take a course in "working with an attorney." Yet for us, it was important. She's so lucky to have you. Alley Edited January 21, 2012 by Alicia64 I never stop thinking of things to say! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I have not read every post on this thread, so this may have been said before: Lock up the kids' passports. If he is soon going to be working in India, she would not want him to take the kids without her consent. I have a friend who's been there, done that. Not fun. Lock up those passports, and if they don't have passports for the kids already - she can call the state dept (I think that's who to call) and put a watch on the kids' names so soon-to-be-ex cannot get them passports without the mom's consent. At least, there was once an option to do that, hopefully there still is. Aside from that, I agree with everyone saying to get a kick-butt attorney, pronto. Stay in the house until talking to the attorney. Given the medical situation, I would ask the attorney about getting health coverage for mom and kiddos for as long as possible. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susancollins Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 If I was her I would also set up a free initial consultation with all of the good attorneys in the area. If the have already spoken with her, when he tries to hire them they can't work for him because of her previous conversation and conflict of interest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I'm going to just say it. What a jerk! I was just about to type it myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 even if there is no conflict at all and the parties are eager to settle, it's important for her to know what she can reasonably expect. Some people have unreasonable expectations - they are taking the kids and all the money they need to raise them. Other have overly small expectations ("all the money is his.") She needs to realistically know what she should expect in terms of property division, alimony, and child support. She needs an attorney who can give her wisdom on what kinds of issues come up and what mistakes to not make. Even if they have a totally conflict free resolution, it's worth the money to do this right. Really. A good attorney will help her get the best deal she can. Someone needs to find her the money. She can put it on a credit card. It's important. Think about it this way. If she short changes herself $100 a money (in child support, alimony, whatever) that's over $19,000 in six years, not even taking into account current valuation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I know how you feel for your sister. Both of mine have gone through awful divorces and one of them is sick. You are all in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I haven't read all the replies so I'm not sure if this was mentioned but she NEEDS to get temporary custody of those kids so he doesn't take them (or if he does it'll be kidnapping). This is how dh's ex got the kids, they we're visiting her and she went and got temporary custody. A year later when the divorce was finalized they didn't want to move the kids, etc, etc it was a bunch of BS. I'm so sorry this is happening to your sister, :grouphug:'s and prayers for her and her kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lluv Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 he let her know tonight that he already has an apartment here also. He already has an apartment??? Obviously he has had this planned for a while and for that reason I wouldn't put anything past him. I agree with everything that has already been posted. I also agree that people who travel for a living are usually compensated fairly well. Is you sister completely aware of her husband's finances? If she's only an authorized user and not a joint account holder (without a debit card even!), is it remotely possible that he could have been funneling $$ somewhere else without her knowledge? I think it's clear that your sister really NEEDS to consider getting a lawyer asap!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Lock up those passports, and if they don't have passports for the kids already - she can call the state dept (I think that's who to call) and put a watch on the kids' names so soon-to-be-ex cannot get them passports without the mom's consent. At least, there was once an option to do that, hopefully there still is. I believe that under age 16 both parents must appear, with id, to apply for the child's passport. Or else the parent with sole custody must bring documentation of having sole custody. Admittedly, this was one of those things that didn't apply to me, so I wasn't paying much attention, just happened to notice it on the passport application last fall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 What a horrible predicament for your sister. Im so sorry for her and all of you. You'd think a little respect and concern could be shown. I wonder if he has someone else in his life. It will be very difficult for your sister to get through this, but she will be happy, hopefully happier, again one day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) He wants nothing but his guitars and even told her to sell it all if she wants. He honestly has no ties what so ever to their life. well, she has hostages . . . ;) do not give him anything until the property settlement comes up. As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. . yes, you're being naive. get a lawyer anyway. seriously. Edited January 21, 2012 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) As a person who hasn't dealt with nasty, you can't even start to imagine. She needs alimony, $$$$ divide of the money that he has hidden (HE HAS $$$), money for the kids through college.... (as much as she can get), money to help with this surgery and what it will cost her... (time, health) She needs someone to hold her hand as she thinks about medical, dental, orthodontics, prescriptions...(and yes, there's a form to fill out, but you don't want to give him any loopholes.. if she'll be making less than him, you want to make sure he has a higher percentage of the bills) (What you think may fall under "medical" may not) She needs someone to help through the "visitation/parenting/holiday" time... Get her help... My friend when she was getting divorced, found a deposit slip in her soon to be "ex's" vehicle with a bank number she didn't even know about.... He had SOOOOO hidden his money!!! Edited January 21, 2012 by NayfiesMama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I believe that under age 16 both parents must appear, with id, to apply for the child's passport. Or else the parent with sole custody must bring documentation of having sole custody. Admittedly, this was one of those things that didn't apply to me, so I wasn't paying much attention, just happened to notice it on the passport application last fall. That sounds like a law that'd be in effect, but it didn't happen that way for me. Maybe I got a lax guy pushing our paperwork, though ...? My children are bi-racial, and one looks so unlike me that I'm nearly always mistaken for the nanny. I was able to secure passports for them without any documentation from the other parent; I've also renewed or replaced passports without any documentation from the other parent (within the past two years). Their dad wasn't present, or even asked about, in either case and in two different states. If it IS a law, it could be a crapshoot; don't risk it! Especially if the guy is -or can be- charming ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Something else she needs to realize... He FROZE accounts? People who don't have any money don't freeze accounts, because there isn't anything to freeze. He's self employed and traveling the world? He has money- she just doesn't know about it. She needs details in writing before she leaves GA. Do not let her leave w/out consulting an attorney. This man is is vindictive and will use the kids against her if it suits him. I also agree w/ the poster who suggested that he gave her hpv because of an affair. She needs to find that out too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. Yes, she does. Since he wants to be in Idaho and since it sounds like they lived in Idaho until 9 months ago, she may be able to file in Idaho for all this and leave Georgia out of it. Still, she should consult an attorney in Georgia and Idaho immediately. She needs a custody and support order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 My friend when she was getting divorced, found a deposit slip in her soon to be "ex's" vehicle with a bank number she didn't even know about.... He had SOOOOO hidden his money!!! My aunt married a man much younger than her. he died first. (ha. he was a bully.) anyway, she got a bill for a safe-deposit box she had no clue about - with investments inside. if this guy is traveling internationally for "work", *already* has an apartment in Idaho????, he's NOT "broke". It sounds like he has been planning this a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Beachy Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Something else to consider..... Does he really mean that he doesn't want anything but his guitars? I have had several friends go through divorces. In each instance, when the ex asked for the divorce, he said something similar. Not guitars, but maybe golf clubs or the boat, etc, and said the wife and kids could have everything else. Of course, it never really worked out that way. I guess the guys thought telling their wives they could have everything kind of lessened the blow of telling them about the divorce. I hope your sister does consult with an attorney. It sounds as if her husband has thought this out and has been planning it for awhile. It also sounds as if he keeps her in the dark about a lot of things. She really needs someone who has experience in this area, and attorneys have navigated these waters many times on behalf of previous clients. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 :grouphug: poor thing. that's really lousy. fwiw, i think she needs to double track her health and a divorce lawyer. i) find a lawyer and talk to them. $300- (less than half the cost of a ticket to india... there really does need to be money somewhere) ii) find a doctor and have the leep done.... (think about john edward's wife putting her own health on hold....). i've had a leep; it wasn't so bad at all, and was done in the doctor's office, so there shouldn't be hospital charges. notice that there has not been one poster who has said that she doesn't need to see a lawyer, and many of us who have been there, done that who say she realllllly needs to see one before she does anything. :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I agree with what everyone else is posting. She needs to get the free consult with a lawyer at the very least and go from there. I thought when my ex and I split he was going to stick to our agreement. Yeah right. He has alway been mroe about control than about what is best for the kids and remains that way. After almost 11 yrs of separation (will be 11 yrs on Mar 1) he is back trying to control everything and cause trouble. We are still legally married because he just kept contesting everything int he divorce proceedings until I ran out of money and had to quit trying to divorce him. It never even went to court. It was all the nonsense back and forth between lawyers mine telling my demands, his telling his, then he would agree to one of mine and contest thenext, then agree to that one and go back and contest the 1st. batck and forth until I had nothing left to fight with and then he vanished for years. Now he is back and stirring it up again. Guys like that say one thing and do another just to have control over someone else. My ex never wanted the family, to this day he still doesn't really want the kids, though now he sees them when he feels like it and causes trouble and tries to control them and to control me through them. She needs a good lawyer to prevent her from living this garbage like I have been stuck with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Get a lawyer, get a lawyer, get a lawyer. If you've known for a long time that he's an SOB, he's not going to be stopping that anytime soon. Get a lawyer, get a lawyer, get a lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Something else she needs to realize... He FROZE accounts? People who don't have any money don't freeze accounts, because there isn't anything to freeze. He's self employed and traveling the world? He has money- she just doesn't know about it. She needs details in writing before she leaves GA. Do not let her leave w/out consulting an attorney. This man is is vindictive and will use the kids against her if it suits him. I also agree w/ the poster who suggested that he gave her hpv because of an affair. She needs to find that out too. :iagree: I am a BTDT woman. I initiated the divorce, but my xh was the one who initiated the end of the marriage. ;) There had been red flags of an affair(s), power and control of many things, including money. Eventually, a $10k account showed up on discovery during the custody battle. Listen, men who are seemingly checked out of parenting, but who have issues with power and control will absolutely fight for custody - even if they have shown no real desire to be with their kids and parent them. The courts typically do not "listen" to the history, and respond only to what they see: a divorcing Dad trying to maximize their time, nurture, influence with the kids. The culture around divorce in the US is complicated. It *is* a law specialty, and all but the most non contested, simple (no kids) need attorneys. You can argue until the cows come home about whether that *should* be. At this point, it doesn't matter. She needs an attorney like yesterday. Chances are he's already seen one. She needs to be prepared for every detail of her life being twisted, turned, and exposed. I hope this won't happen, but she's better off preparing for it. She needs to be as protected as possible for the days, weeks, months, and years to come. Encourage her to start a fact journal. (not an emotional one). For example: 1/14/12 - STBXH froze bank accounts. not 1/14/12 - STBXH was angry, and stole money _________ 1/17/12 - STBXH stated "I would not be allowed to move" not 1/17/12 - STBXH is controlling __________________ 1/18/12 - STBXH slammed the bedroom door, and was raising his voice not 1/18/12 - STBXH was angry and made us scared Your sister needs files of all the children's medical info, SS cards, other ID and pertnent info. She needs a safe bag of clothes and supplies packed in case she and the kids need to bail quickly for safety. If abuse (of any form) has been a factor, she is at MOST risk now that he's leaving. Even if the end was his idea, she'll be at most risk (speaking from statistics). Don't be surprised if a woman appears on his scene, fueling and assisting a hostile divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 She should file for a divorce and an immediate order of child support and alimony. Don't wait for him to "give" her money. He very well may not. Get it in writing that he consents to the children being moved to Idaho. Totally agree with this!!! Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Listen, men who are seemingly checked out of parenting, but who have issues with power and control will absolutely fight for custody - even if they have shown no real desire to be with their kids and parent them. The courts typically do not "listen" to the history, and respond only to what they see: a divorcing Dad trying to maximize their time, nurture, influence with the kids. Especially this! My bio-dad signed off on me so he wouldn't have to pay child support, but he thought I was being adopted by another family, not by my stepparent. His next divorce, he fought tooth and nail for my siblings and then dumped them on our grandparents' doorstep the day he won custody...the grands raised the kids. Oh, but I'm sure he told a sad, pitiful tale to the judge. (he's good with those tall tales...don't you know, he signed off on me to "protect" me? Because he was working undercover and the Hell's Angels could've used me against him...I've got a bridge to sell too) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Their marriage for years has been rocky but things for the last few weeks have really started to excalate. My sister recently had a bad pap and had to have 3 spots biopsied (she is only 25). The results came back yesterday as moderate, which is pre-cancerous. She called to let him know and he didn't say anything. In the end there was a fight with her saying something to the effect of "All I need is you to say this sucks, we'll get through it, everything will be alright" His response? "I don't want to say those things, I want a divorce." He locked the bank accounts so she has $37 bucks with 3 kids. She lives in GA while he is on business in NV and later India. He claims he will get her money for her to move (although he was upset about having to pay for the LEEP) back here to Idaho. It's a mess to say the least. If you could keep her in your thoughts, prayers, etc. She is a mess understandably. If you by chance need guitar lessons for your kiddo (or self) please check out my sig link. We are trying to earn her money in case he really leaves her high and dry. :001_huh: He's leaving her because he thinks this means she's been with another man or because he doesn't want to pay for her health care if she contracts cancer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Agree with everyone else. I would NOT plan on it being amicable. Plan on it being hell and be happy if it's not. My dad responded to news of my mother's pregnancy by announcing that he wanted a divorce and she should get an abortion. He agreed to go to counseling but then walked out two weeks before my birth. It was obvious he wanted nothing to do with me, yet he still threatened to get custody when it came to the proceedings. My mom was so worried about that, she didn't pay adequate attention to my later care. Child support for 18 years was based on his income as a medical resident, no thought as to college, etc. My husband's parents went through the same kind of situation. Your sister needs to speak to a lawyer now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 :grouphug:praying here:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Listen to all the pages of good advice. Now something for your dsis: Hey, I've been where you are. I'm now 47, but I had both things you have going on happen to me, but sequentially, not simultaneously. Many :grouphug: for having to endure both together. HOWEVER, those hugs are to ease a temporary pain. Do what is right, including protecting your interests (lawyers), and in a couple years, you won't believe how much better off you are. Your 20s are a great time to have tough lessons, though I know it doens't feel like it right now. :( You will come through this terrible trial a much better woman, and it will be amazing to you. Seek out older women who've been through similar situations. Sometimes, they can provide emotional help that family and friends, without similar experience, simply can't. Remember, this is temporary, even if it is currently overwhelming. Hang tough. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I'm going to just say it. What a jerk! :iagree: That is World Class Jerkdom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 Listen to all the pages of good advice. Now something for your dsis: Hey, I've been where you are. I'm now 47, but I had both things you have going on happen to me, but sequentially, not simultaneously. Many :grouphug: for having to endure both together. HOWEVER, those hugs are to ease a temporary pain. Do what is right, including protecting your interests (lawyers), and in a couple years, you won't believe how much better off you are. Your 20s are a great time to have tough lessons, though I know it doens't feel like it right now. :( You will come through this terrible trial a much better woman, and it will be amazing to you. Seek out older women who've been through similar situations. Sometimes, they can provide emotional help that family and friends, without similar experience, simply can't. Remember, this is temporary, even if it is currently overwhelming. Hang tough. :grouphug: Thank you for this....I will pass it on. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I haven't read all the replies so I'm not sure if this was mentioned but she NEEDS to get temporary custody of those kids so he doesn't take them (or if he does it'll be kidnapping). This is how dh's ex got the kids, they we're visiting her and she went and got temporary custody. A year later when the divorce was finalized they didn't want to move the kids, etc, etc it was a bunch of BS. Yes. Totally agree with this. Having helped my friend through a terrible ordeal - kids were taken overseas by now-ex-DH and not returned... Absolutely talk to the attorney about temporary custody. Especially since soon to be ex is going to be working in India - there is potential for what amounts to kidnapping. While it's great that there's not a lot of conflict, that may not last. And even men who are disengaged from their kids can suddenly become a lot more interested in the kids when they are looking at child support and/or garnished wages etc for a long time to come. By the way, my friend's kids *had* passports, and the ex-DH took them without friend's knowledge. Which is why I suggested locking up any passports now. There are laws regarding needing both parents consent to get a new passport for kids, but they can be overlooked. Unfortunately, I know that from family experience. I would really encourage your sister to discuss her options regarding that with the attorney, as well. To protect her kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Christian to my ex. You know live by example ...more like be a stinking doormat.Yeah well I got screwed really bad! I should have gotten a lawyer asap and protected myself and the kids. My family members (mother, brothers, father) are not Christian and they are so angry at what being a Christian has done to me and now they have had to help me out so much financially because I was trying to be a good Christian. I am a Christian still but very very careful about taking certain kinds of Christian advice. So tell her she needs to protect herself and her kids. I lost my older kids because of not getting a lawyer in the first place. We did everything through a mediator or legal mediator lawyer kind of thing. I thought we were going to have an amicable divorce. He was just a great actor that is all. He has completely alienated the children from me and then called the police force that he use to work for on me and then they callled cps and cps based decision on his police force. I had no idea people could get that evil and vindictive. Ugly ugly ugly. "Good" Christians still lawyer up and fast. Protecting yourself does not mean you are not a good christian. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 My guess is that one of the reasons he wants the divorce right now, all of the sudden, is that he is either 1) Finally prepared, with a whole life arranged for himself, or 2) Finally making some serious money and not wanting to share it, or both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 "Good" Christians still lawyer up and fast. Protecting yourself does not mean you are not a good christian. :confused: In some Christian circles it does mean you're a bad Christian. :glare: Those are the circles that forget that human rights and law came out of the church. We were given these gifts (legal recourse) for our protection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 In some Christian circles it does mean you're a bad Christian. :glare: Those are the circles that forget that human rights and law came out of the church. We were given these gifts (legal recourse) for our protection. I understand what you are saying, but other peoples opinions do not make a christian good or bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I understand what you are saying, but other peoples opinions do not make a christian good or bad. Needing an attorney just means that you are dealing with someone who is NOT living as Christ. :glare: That's how I justify it to those who think lawyers are wrong. A man who locks up the money and walks out on his wife, who is sick, and children, is NOT acting as a Godly husband. Or even a decent human being. So I, as the Christian, need to make sure that my children and I get what we need (and deserve). I do not have the resources that an attorney has. Nor do I have the knowledge. How do I find out if he has other accounts? how would I know what percentage of his salary I should have (ok, personally, I think she should get ALL of his salary, but that's a different story!). I also have an emotional stake in this, and an attorney does not, so they can look at it differently. They also have experience. I have not dealt with numerous jerks. They have, and they know most of their tricks. I am naive and trusting. The attorney is NOT. He has seen too much to trust ANYBODY (probably doens't even trust me 100%). Therefore, I need an attorney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garddwr Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Just wanted to add my voice to those who have said get an attorney! Any divorce with kids involved needs an attorney. I would also not jump to move, but talk to attorneys in both Idaho and Georgia. She may not have money on hand, but an attorney will find a way to get paid--some of the money that is locked away is rightfully hers. She and the children will absolutely lose out in the long run if she does not get help through the divorce. Many if not all attorneys will do a free initial consult, and she should try several. One more thing to consider is that Idaho is a community property state (each spouse is considered to own 50% of the assets) while Georgia is not. There may be advantages to your sister in one situation over the other--I don't know, but she needs to find out. She absolutely needs legal counsel. --Sarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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