Strange comment I struggled with . . .

[Kathleen in LV]

Okay, I really wanted to discuss this here with people who might "get it".

 

I recently had a conversation with a very nice neighbor about the fact that we started homeschooling this year. A couple of times, he opined "it's hard to let go."

 

After returning home, that phrase kept running through my head, because I've been struggling with whether homeschooling is a good idea for our family. I questioned myself -- "Do I just want to homeschool because I don't want to let my son go?" I don't want this to be a decision I make for my own selfish reasons, but what's best for my son.

 

But then I thought, "no, I don't want to let him go, not to an institution that can do him more harm than good." And I went on to realize that I certainly could find plenty of things I would enjoy doing while he's stuck all day at school. So no, it's not a selfish decision.

 

But I still couldn't stop thinking about those words. And it struck me that the powers that be who created compulsory schooling have caused us to believe that we need to "let go" of our children when they are most vulnerable . . . . let them go to a place that will form their values and ideas for a lifetime. We, their families, are not to have a part in that. That is the job of the state, who knows what's best for our children.

 

It really saddenned me that our society has been convinced of this fact, and it is therefore now "normal" to "let go" of our dear children so that somebody else may influence them and guide them away from strong relationships with their families.

 

Thanks for letting me share.

Kathleen

Edited November 3, 2011 by Kathleen in LV

[Jean in Newcastle]

I get it. My apron strings (which I don't even wear!) get mentioned at times as something that I need to cut.

 

Here's my conclusions:

 

If you mean "it is hard to let go" to mean that I don't want my child to grow up at a normal rate, then you are wrong.

 

If you mean "it is hard to let go" to mean that I don't want my child to grow up prematurely then yes, it is, for good reason!

 

If you mean "it is hard to let go" to mean that I don't delegate the education of my children to others at this time, then yes, it is hard to let go of that responsibility because I can do it better.

[Jennifer3141]

I'm going to expound upon Jean's comment about growing up at a "normal" rate." It wasn't even on my radar for reasons to homeschool years and years ago, but growing up at a SLOWER rate has become one of the reasons I love homeschooling so much. Most of DD's schooled friends have ipods and email accounts etc. and actually know how to use them. DD is still playing with stuffed animals and pretending to make them tea. She likes Webkinz World for about 10 minutes and then just wanders off...

 

So in a way, no. I'm not ready to "let them go." I want/need them to have a longer childhood than most children in society get today because sadly, I'm not all that impressed with what the institution is cranking out.

[Mommy22alyns]

Yep, I've seen in other places that 6 yos "have to grow up sometime" and it's best to just put them on the schoolbus and let them fend for themselves. No, not my 6 yo. Not even my 8 yo.

[G5052]

We've proven ourselves over time though. Mine are confident, well-adjusted young adults. Not true of some on our road who are the same age as mine...

[LaxMom]

Yep, I've seen in other places that 6 yos "have to grow up sometime" and it's best to just put them on the schoolbus and let them fend for themselves. No, not my 6 yo. Not even my 8 yo.

 

Yeah... what is WRONG with people? :confused: Because these little people are not legally allowed to fend for themselves - presumably because they are not even remotely fit to and need to remain a protected class - until they are 18. Why on earth is everyone so eager, then, to set their 5 or 6 year olds free to fend for themselves among their feral peers? That screams Lord of the Flies to me.

[Mjfb]

I think.. we have become a society that thinks parents SHOULD let go.

 

And it's earlier and earlier. Pre-school has become the 'norm' around here. It was practically unheard of when I was a kid. Full-day K was unbelievably hard on both of my kids (and I had issues with it, as well).

 

Homeschooling has caused me to look at some of the things we were told were 'normal' in an entirely different light. We don't let our kids cry it out, don't walk away from tantrums (usually). So why the heck do we think it's ok when our three year old is crying on the floor of preschool and we just... leave? (just referring to my own family here!)

 

I don't know anymore... and aren't parents SUPPOSED to be connected to their kids? Barring weird situations or overbearing parents, biologically aren't we SUPPOSED to be the primary caregivers?

 

It is sad that 'letting go' of our tiny children is the norm. I haven't heard that one (I'm a bit surprised LOL).

[Alicia64]

There's an excellent book on this topic called Hold Onto Your Kids.

 

It's so helpful and really explains why we need to keep attachment parenting w/ kids going strong.

 

Alley

[Forget-Me-Not]

I'm going to expound upon Jean's comment about growing up at a "normal" rate." It wasn't even on my radar for reasons to homeschool years and years ago, but growing up at a SLOWER rate has become one of the reasons I love homeschooling so much. Most of DD's schooled friends have ipods and email accounts etc. and actually know how to use them. DD is still playing with stuffed animals and pretending to make them tea. She likes Webkinz World for about 10 minutes and then just wanders off...

 

So in a way, no. I'm not ready to "let them go." I want/need them to have a longer childhood than most children in society get today because sadly, I'm not all that impressed with what the institution is cranking out.

 

:iagree:

 

It never ceases to amaze me that people somehow think that if kids don't learn to 'stand up for themselves' or 'learn to deal' at an EARLY age, that they'll grow up to be spineless wimps. One time, I took my son (age 2) through a carwash and he FREAKED out. A family member told me I should take him through again and again to 'toughen him up' :cursing:. Somehow, now at the age of 8, he thinks car washes are FUN, despite the fact that I avoided taking him through one for years!

[Photo Ninja]

I wonder if people are comforted by repeating the "you have to let go sometime" mantra when they are conforming to the norm of sending their very young children to preschool/school at such a young age. Parents feel bad leaving their children (at least at first), so they can explain why they need to do it - you have to do it sometime. This implies that now is the time. Since they have to do it sometime, earlier and younger is better. Except that in reality, it is usually not better.

 

I have been told "you have to let go sometime" or its close neighbor, "they (the child) have to learn this sometime" (usually referring to a bad experience). My reply was often, "yes, sometime, but now is not the appropriate time."

[twoforjoy]

I think.. we have become a society that thinks parents SHOULD let go.

 

Do we? I don't know. I get the message that parents should make sure they know where their kids are at all times, and at all times their kids must be under the watchful eye of an adult. Kids should be let go to go to school, earlier and earlier and for longer and longer, but they shouldn't be let go in ways that would allow them to grow in independence.

 

That said, I know that part of why I homeschool my DS is because I like him home with me. He's still little. I like our family being together. I like him spending most of the day with his parents. Is that selfish? I don't know. I do think that if it is selfish, it's natural and not necessarily a bad thing, because I don't think I'm doing him any harm.

[Stayseeliz]

There's an excellent book on this topic called Hold Onto Your Kids.

 

It's so helpful and really explains why we need to keep attachment parenting w/ kids going strong.

 

Alley

 

Thanks for the book suggestion!

[Kirch]

Do we? I don't know. I get the message that parents should make sure they know where their kids are at all times, and at all times their kids must be under the watchful eye of an adult. Kids should be let go to go to school, earlier and earlier and for longer and longer, but they shouldn't be let go in ways that would allow them to grow in independence.

 

That said, I know that part of why I homeschool my DS is because I like him home with me. He's still little. I like our family being together. I like him spending most of the day with his parents. Is that selfish? I don't know. I do think that if it is selfish, it's natural and not necessarily a bad thing, because I don't think I'm doing him any harm.

 

I think it would only be selfish if letting him go to school would be better for him and you were keeping him home due to an inordinate emotional attachment on your part. I think that's what people are implying when they say such things ("You've got to let go sometime . . ."). I don't think that's what's going on with most homeschooling families, but I also think that the average non-homeschooler who might make these kinds of comments has probably never given much thought to doing things outside the box. They just don't get us! ;)

[Cheryl in NM]

That is all my grandparents have said about my homeschooling. "When are you going to let that boy go to school. You have to cut the apron strings sometime." I just smile and say that I'm homeschooling for other reasons. They never ask and I never expound. Time has proven me successful. They think my son in a wonderful person and don't think he is too sheltered.

 

Sometimes time is your best friend. It will say "in your face" to those who doubted. Even if you are keeping your son home because you don't want to let go I'd trust your instincts. From the history of mankind parents have raised their own children until the children where ready to run their own lives.

[FaithManor]

Yeah... what is WRONG with people? :confused: Because these little people are not legally allowed to fend for themselves - presumably because they are not even remotely fit to and need to remain a protected class - until they are 18. Why on earth is everyone so eager, then, to set their 5 or 6 year olds free to fend for themselves among their feral peers? That screams Lord of the Flies to me.

 

 

EXACTLY! Lord of the Flies...perfect.

 

The issue at hand is that putting immature individuals into situations they do not possess the skills to handle in a mature manner, does not breed maturity. What it does breed is a survival of the fittest, dog eat dog, environment and guarantees that the social environment will denigrate to the lowest factor. In the end, after 13 years of this, what one has is a person who learned their life skills (how to get along with other people, deal with sticky political situations, learn when to stand your ground/when to bow out with grace, etc.) from other immature individuals not mature grown ups. So 18 year olds with the critical thinking skills of 7 year olds, becomes "normal".

 

Part of the "skill" of being an adult is having a reasonably protected childhood in which caring adults show you through role modeling and direct teaching, how to deal with the inevitables as they happen to you IRL and not in a contrived environment that does not exist outside the school system. None of us have ever worked a job that resembles the environment of the school. At 18, adults come into possession of many work related laws that allow us to take actions that prevent the average work place from becoming "Lord of the Flies". Yet, children are conditioned, beginning at age 5, to withstand CRAP that no adult has to endure, most of the time, unless they choose to do so for some higher reason.

 

The net effect of the environment being a large group of very immature individuals who are given their voting rights and come into full possession of legal responsibilities, yet have not acquired the appropriate skills to live an adult life. It's a lot like being raised on Mars, with no knowledge and exposure to Earth, and then being sent to Manhatten to live. It does not make for an easy transition! :D

 

One of the blessings of homeschooling is the ability to respect the process of allowing our children to blossom slowly, under our care and direction, so that we can monitor each developmental milestone and celebrate their personal strengths while identifying their weaknesses and work to shore up those deficits in a loving, non-harmful environment thus preserving their self-integrity and image instead of turning them into feral cats in order to survive.

 

Let me tell ya - My middle school (in a conservative, rural area) was about as primitive, survival of the fittest, dog eat dog, shoot the wounded, and leave the weak to die environment I've ever known. Not one single place I've ever worked in and not one single social environment that I've lived in has EVER approximated "school". To be honest, I cannot think of a single thing that school taught me about being an adult or getting along in an adult world. It is one reason college and jobs are such a breath of fresh air to so many 18 year olds...it's so pleasantly lovely by comparison to what they just came through! :glare: I did, however, acquire some PTSD, stop eating, lose an extraordinary amount of weight, embrace a life of insomnia, and begin studying self-defense techniques in order to "survive" school, etc. It's possible I would have commited suicide if my parents hadn't borrowed money from grandparents to pay for enrollment in a private school while they figured out how on earth they would afford tuition.

 

I give my parents credit...they went against the grain - in our area sending a child to a private school was about as anti-American, elitist, conceited an action as one could muster - and it saved my life. It also pretty much guaranteed that I would homeschool my children because it got me out in time for me to not be completely indoctrinated in "this is normal and good for you", so I knew I would not be willing to do it to my children.

 

If anyone is really worried about how your homeschooled graduate will turn out, let me assure you...DD has two years of pre-med under her belt as well as having completed her two years of EMT/Paramedic training. She is the favorite of her professors and instructors (their words, not mine) and she is the favorite amongst her peer group. Why? Her professors love her maturity and ability to deal with the intensive nature of pre-med/medical training and her work ethic. Her peers love her because she has learned to be kind and compassionate and not calloused to others feelings, and yet she is self-confident...so far beyond their own confidence levels. She has lead study groups, clinical skills practice sessions, "How to interview" info sessions (she's only 20 and she has 30 and 40 year olds come ask her advice on making a good impression), etc. She deals with difficult patients, the mentally ill, etc. with grace and efficiency and not much phases her. When she interviewed for a position with the EMS company she wanted to work for, the three HR reps told her at the end that she had given the best interview they had seen in many years! When she called three days later (per their instructions) to see if she would be getting a call back interview, she was told that her application had been bumped ahead of the 32 other medics (many of whom have a few years of experience on her) that interviewed and she was flagged in the computer system as not needing a call back, ie. the company was definitely "making an offer". As it turned out, the offer they were making was better than any offer they've ever made a newbie medic. Higher pay, more choice of shifts, they were very forthright about how much they want her to come to work for them. They have four positions open, eight candidates are coming back for call back interviews for the other three positions...she secured a position based on the original interview and her references. That says a lot about her "social skills".

 

Our 14 year old son, who sometimes makes me NUTS, works on Saturdays for his grandpa right now doing some chores around the business that the other employees just don't have time to get to because this is a very busy time of year for them (heating systems, fireplaces, wood boilers, etc.). My dad's customers make a lot of comments to the office manager that they are very impressed with the nice young man who sweeps the floors, empties the trash, etc. "He's so well-spoken, knowledgeable, interesting, and hard-working." Their words, not mine. Whew...that's good news because usually, by the time we get to the end of a math lesson, I'm convinced he's a mess!!:lol:

 

I can honestly say, I work with a lot of teens across three different school districts in our county...I tutor in chemistry and biology. I have yet to work with a single kid from a local high school who has 1/10th dd's or ds's well-placed confidence (oh, I've got some that have the most enormous pipe dreams - ie. I can't sing or play a guitar but I'm the next boy band celebrity, etc.) and social abilities. Mostly I see collosal immaturity and I see it being accepted as "normal" by teachers, administrators, and parents. I see colleges, vocational schools, and the representatives thereof, NOT impressed and highly frustrated.

 

So, don't let these kinds of comments rattle you. Even the homeschool kids I've encountered whose parents have virtually unschooled are worlds ahead of their peers in learning how to navigate an adult world.

 

Faith

[ChristusG]

Maybe a lot less kids would get into so much trouble if more parents "wouldn't let go." People "let go" of children much too soon in our society....that's my opinion. No, of course I don't want to let my children go, especially to a school system who will be teaching them things that I do not believe they should be learning. I can do a much better job.

[radiobrain]

Well, that guy is a bit off base as there is a difference between a homeschooling parent and a helicopter parent.

 

I think of it like attachment parenting.... the point of attachment parenting is to give your small children the support to do things at their own pace, and know that you will be there when they need you... so they don't have irrational fears, and it gives them a foundation of trust that in the long run fosters true independence. "Toughening them up" just makes them distrustful and potentially more dependent. Sure, they might be able to do things by themselves sooner, but part of them is crushed inside....

 

I am sick and need to take my neighbor's kid to the bus stop (LOL) so I need to go and don't have time to have this make more sense....

[mcconnellboys]

The rate at which technology has advanced and the pressures felt, even if you try not to have such things in your home for as long as possible, has been such that my younger child had been much more exposed than the older one.

 

Unfortunately, even if you're trying to stay on top of your game and keep all sorts of filters and guards on all your technology, kids are more savvy about getting around those sorts of things than adults who don't work with the technology every day and really understand it. And even if you do a perfect job of placing guards, your next door neighbor might not and they might all congregate there and pick up things you don't want them to experience via that technology.

 

Because I do try to get my kids active with others, particularly during their teen years, and because the majority of those others are all participating in our technology revolution, I can't seem to hold back those waters no matter how much I want to slow them. I've switched to the mode of lots more moral training; lots more discussions about right and wrong; using every opportunity to talk about choices and point out good/bad examples, etc.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

can agree with that.....yeah sometimes I've had people suggest the same to me (online but not IRL)....and yeah I could find alot of other things I'd "rather" be doing,but like you I don't want to send him to ps.....

[scrapbookbuzz]

I know! Let's all start our own state, or even country, with a law that states "compulsory education means HOMESCHOOLING." And our nation will make it so that it's not an economic hardship to do so! :D

[inmyopinion]

I "let go" of a lot. . . .my sanity, my weight, my sense of style, a high paying job and career, the ability to go to the bathroom undisturbed, a clean house, restaurants without play places, etc.

My kids, though, I am not going to "let them go." I am going to help them grow, physically, mentally, spiritually, and educationally, in an environment which allows them to progress at their own pace with all the support they need.

Edited November 4, 2011 by inmyopinion

[TranquilMind]

Okay, I really wanted to discuss this here with people who might "get it".

 

I recently had a conversation with a very nice neighbor about the fact that we started homeschooling this year. A couple of times, he opined "it's hard to let go."

 

After returning home, that phrase kept running through my head, because I've been struggling with whether homeschooling is a good idea for our family. I questioned myself -- "Do I just want to homeschool because I don't want to let my son go?" I don't want this to be a decision I make for my own selfish reasons, but what's best for my son.

 

But then I thought, "no, I don't want to let him go, not to an institution that can do him more harm than good." And I went on to realize that I certainly could find plenty of things I would enjoy doing while he's stuck all day at school. So no, it's not a selfish decision.

 

But I still couldn't stop thinking about those words. And it struck me that the powers that be who created compulsory schooling have caused us to believe that we need to "let go" of our children when they are most vulnerable . . . . let them go to a place that will form their values and ideas for a lifetime. We, their families, are not to have a part in that. That is the job of the state, who knows what's best for our children.

 

It really saddenned me that our society has been convinced of this fact, and it is therefore now "normal" to "let go" of our dear children so that somebody else may influence them and guide them away from strong relationships with their families.

 

Thanks for letting me share.

Kathleen

It was a manipulative comment intended to suggest that you cannot recognize what your son needs like the school can (ha ha ). It isn't a matter of letting go, it is a matter of making the best educational choices for your son, I would have responded. Additionally, it serves the self-soothing purpose of making the speaker feel that there is nothing unusual in booting our kids out of the house all day at a very young age, so that it is desirable and he can feel good about doing it himself. The fact is, it is not desirable, and certainly not for some kids.

 

All "in the box" thinkers have trouble with this. I was once told at a Pediatric Dentist's office that I had to learn to 'let go" when they tried to pry my TWO YEAR OLD out of my arms to take him back to an appointment without me. I was quite clear that I would attend the dental appointment and had the right and obligation to do so, especially for a 2 year old. We found another dentist who didn't have such control issues.

[Laura Corin]

We've proven ourselves over time though. Mine are confident, well-adjusted young adults. Not true of some on our road who are the same age as mine...

 

The word most often used by his teachers to describe 'Calvin' is 'mature'. After seven years of home education.

 

Laura

[Kathleen in LV]

I certainly appreciate all of the comments. They made me smile, and some even made me laugh. But most of all, they reaffirmed my belief in my decisions. And several did such a wonderful job of putting into words all those thoughts running through my head that I have trouble articulating when I'm put on the spot by someone questioning my decision.

 

Thanks so much!

Kathleen

[Cheryl in NM]

I "let go" of a lot. . . .my sanity, my weight, my sense of style, a high paying job and career, the ability to go to the bathroom undisturbed, a clean house, restaurants without play places, etc.

My kids, thought, I am not going to "let them go." I am going to help them grow, physically, mentally, spiritually, and educationally, in an environment which allows them to progress at their own pace with all the support they need.

 

 

:iagree::hurray:

 

I totally agree!

[Kathleen in VA]

I "let go" of a lot. . . .my sanity, my weight, my sense of style, a high paying job and career, the ability to go to the bathroom undisturbed, a clean house, restaurants without play places, etc.

My kids, thought, I am not going to "let them go." I am going to help them grow, physically, mentally, spiritually, and educationally, in an environment which allows them to progress at their own pace with all the support they need.

 

:iagree:Excellent post!

 

 

FaithManor - your post was awesome too!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Edited, because on second thought my longer post might have offended public-school parents here.

 

My point was that my homeschooled teen sons are 'let go' to do big, interesting, and important things in the real world. I let them go all the time.

Edited November 4, 2011 by Tibbie Dunbar

[Susan in TN]

I'm going to expound upon Jean's comment about growing up at a "normal" rate." It wasn't even on my radar for reasons to homeschool years and years ago, but growing up at a SLOWER rate has become one of the reasons I love homeschooling so much. Most of DD's schooled friends have ipods and email accounts etc. and actually know how to use them. DD is still playing with stuffed animals and pretending to make them tea. She likes Webkinz World for about 10 minutes and then just wanders off...

 

So in a way, no. I'm not ready to "let them go." I want/need them to have a longer childhood than most children in society get today because sadly, I'm not all that impressed with what the institution is cranking out.

 

:iagree:

 

My 13yodd still loves to play. She plays dress-up with her little sisters. She loves to draw fairies. I think it's one reason that the girls at church look up to her so much - she's fun to be around and isn't intimidating or concerned about acting "grown-up" in that annoying teen-age girl way (which I've seen in girls as young as 5 and 6yo :tongue_smilie:). Not that she won't ever hit that stage, but I sure hope she skips it.

 

And yes, it was a manipulative comment. But with the very best intentions, I'm sure :glare:. Maybe he was feeling a little put down because he didn't homeschool his kids (or wouldn't consider it if he doesn't have kids) and this is a way to feel justified in his opinion.

[Parker Martin]

It was a manipulative comment intended to suggest that you cannot recognize what your son needs like the school can (ha ha ). It isn't a matter of letting go, it is a matter of making the best educational choices for your son, I would have responded. Additionally, it serves the self-soothing purpose of making the speaker feel that there is nothing unusual in booting our kids out of the house all day at a very young age, so that it is desirable and he can feel good about doing it himself. The fact is, it is not desirable, and certainly not for some kids.

 

This.

[Farrar]

I think we're a schizophrenic society about this.

 

On the one hand, parents are given the message that to be "good" parents, we have to track our kids at all time, never leave the room when they're toddlers, watch every bite of food that goes into their mouths, not let them walk on their own, ride bikes around the block, play in the front yard, etc. etc. We should take a photo of them in current clothes every morning so that we'll have one in case they're abducted! EEK! Talk about not letting go.

 

On the other hand, we're told we have to send our children to institutions for their own good. Let specialists tell us what to do even when it violates our own common sense. Buy certain products from when they're babies to when they're teens. Let them watch, read, and play whatever video games they want. Stay out of their business and their friends. We should always know where they are, but it should be with GPS phone monitors from afar.

 

I think we're telling parents to let go and hold on in all the wrong ways.

 

And I agree that homeschooling does not equal helicopter parenting. Two totally separate things.

[sassenach]

I think it's hard to let go for good reason, especially when you're talking about young kids.

[J-rap]

Yes, I think our society does have people believing that we need to "let go" way to soon...that that's what's healthiest for our children. The same kind of deal as believing kids having to learn to stand up to bullying, etc.

I've had that comment too, when my kids WERE in public school. In my state, kids can start kindergarten when they're 5, but if they have a summer birthday, sometimes parents wait until they are 6. I have two-summer birthday kids and DID wait. When people asked me why, I always said "Because then I know I get one extra year with them at the other end." :) There was more to that in my answer, but that was part of it, and I think that's fine. I think it's fine to not want to "let them go" until they're mature enough to be "let go." That's our job, isn't it?

[Mommy22alyns]

It is really nice to talk with others who "get it." :)

[Caraway]

"it's hard to let go."

 

 

Bull****. It is **** easy to "let go". It can be really hard to homeschool.

 

When I hear this it is usually from someone trying to make themselves feel better about the ease with which they drop off their children at school.

[Melissa in Australia]

Bull****. It is **** easy to "let go". It can be really hard to homeschool.

 

When I hear this it is usually from someone trying to make themselves feel better about the ease with which they drop off their children at school.

:iagree: I think the thought crosses my mind about 5 times every day that It would be so easy to wave them off on the school bus.

[misidawnrn]

I saw a sign on pinterest the other day that said

I homeschool because I have seen the village and I don't want it raising my children.

Adopt that as your motto and then pass the bean dip.

[Mjfb]

Do we? I don't know. I get the message that parents should make sure they know where their kids are at all times, and at all times their kids must be under the watchful eye of an adult. Kids should be let go to go to school, earlier and earlier and for longer and longer, but they shouldn't be let go in ways that would allow them to grow in independence.

 

.

 

 

I should have said parents are told to let go.. to the public institutions.

 

I agree with you. Other posters stated my point better than I did.

[EthiopianFood]

But then I thought, "no, I don't want to let him go, not to an institution that can do him more harm than good." And I went on to realize that I certainly could find plenty of things I would enjoy doing while he's stuck all day at school. So no, it's not a selfish decision.

 

I was chatting with another mom who sends her kids to the school I would probably send dd to if we didn't homeschool (it is an immersion school, and yes, part of me does feel like I am preventing her from going to something that could really benefit her in certain ways). She said her kids go to bed at 7:30. They then wake up at 7:00 AM to be on the bus at 7:35 AM, and get dropped off at home at 3:30 PM. This is for KINDERGARTEN. When you do the math, they are awake at home for about 46 hours a week, and at school for 40! It is almost an even split!! I just can't believe so many people don't question this, don't see this as having the government raise their children! I know I certainly never did. Just because something is socially acceptable or normal, that doesn't mean it is a biologically sound idea if other options exist. :001_huh:

[Cheryl in NM]

I think we're a schizophrenic society about this.

 

On the one hand, parents are given the message that to be "good" parents, we have to track our kids at all time, never leave the room when they're toddlers, watch every bite of food that goes into their mouths, not let them walk on their own, ride bikes around the block, play in the front yard, etc. etc. We should take a photo of them in current clothes every morning so that we'll have one in case they're abducted! EEK! Talk about not letting go.

 

On the other hand, we're told we have to send our children to institutions for their own good. Let specialists tell us what to do even when it violates our own common sense. Buy certain products from when they're babies to when they're teens. Let them watch, read, and play whatever video games they want. Stay out of their business and their friends. We should always know where they are, but it should be with GPS phone monitors from afar.

 

I think we're telling parents to let go and hold on in all the wrong ways.

 

And I agree that homeschooling does not equal helicopter parenting. Two totally separate things.

 

:iagree:

:cheers2:

You hit the nail on the head!

[sewingmama]

Why on earth is everyone so eager, then, to set their 5 or 6 year olds free to fend for themselves among their feral peers?

 

Wow -what type of neigbourhood do you live in.

 

I live in a low socio economic area and sent my DD to public Pre-K and I didn't come across any "feral" kids. :glare: What I saw where sweet little 4&5 yo's (quite a few with better behaviour then my own DD) whose parents were raising them up to be good people. Just because they sent their kids to school doesn't mean the parents didn't care about them and left them to run wild.

 

The only feral kids I have run across had feral parents and so they would be feral whether they went to school or were homeschooled.

 

Schooled kids do not = feral kids.

 

Most schools do have rules and teachers to supervise the kids -it's hardly a Lord of the Flies situation ;)

[Mommy22alyns]

When I hear this it is usually from someone trying to make themselves feel better about the ease with which they drop off their children at school.

 

I just can't believe so many people don't question this, don't see this as having the government raise their children!

 

 

SO much truth! :iagree:

[LaxMom]

Wow -what type of neigbourhood do you live in.

 

I live in a low socio economic area and sent my DD to public Pre-K and I didn't come across any "feral" kids. :glare: What I saw where sweet little 4&5 yo's (quite a few with better behaviour then my own DD) whose parents were raising them up to be good people. Just because they sent their kids to school doesn't mean the parents didn't care about them and left them to run wild.

 

The only feral kids I have run across had feral parents and so they would be feral whether they went to school or were homeschooled.

 

Schooled kids do not = feral kids.

 

Most schools do have rules and teachers to supervise the kids -it's hardly a Lord of the Flies situation ;)

I was not actually equating public school to feral children, but "letting go".

 

I see a lot of kids who have been "let go". I've gotten some advanced s3x Ed from the elementary school kids walking past me house from the bus stop. I've watched others throw the belongings of an unfortunate "non-group" kid into the street and the path of a car, just plain beat on others... Others (in other counties) have contacted me after pulling their 2nd grader out of school when their kid has sustained ANOTHER (as in multiple occasions) concussion in the classrom. So, yeah, Lord of the Flies fits, rules and "zero-tolerance" policies or not.

 

And, for what it's worth, our school system has policy for making sure the school replaces family in importance for the students.

[PeterPan]

I recently had a conversation with a very nice neighbor about the fact that we started homeschooling this year. A couple of times, he opined "it's hard to let go."

 

 

 

I find people who say things like that are just trying to make excuses for themselves or cover for the fact that they're too lazy, too disinterested, too distracted, too uncommitted, whatever, to do the hard work of homeschooling.

 

I also think it's pretty bizarre for someone to assume we as homeschoolers DON'T want our kids to go. I'll bet if you did a survey here you'd find quite a few people who would send their dc to school IN A HEARTBEAT if they had a school nearby that had the quality and services to fit their dc. People might start homeschooling because it sounds all romantic and warm-fuzzy, but they KEEP homeschooling because they NEED to. Not everyone certainly, but more than you'd think. 12 yos aren't warm and fuzzy to homeschooling, lol.

[Guest green-chacos]

And, for what it's worth, our school system has policy for making sure the school replaces family in importance for the students.

 

I know this is an old thread, but I would love to see more on the above comment. Thanks.

[Mergath]

I get this a lot at the once a week play group dd goes to.  (I was going to skip signing up this year, but dd has so much fun. *sigh*)  The parents all hang out in a class type thing while the kids play, and the parent educator mocks me relentlessly about how dd is over-attached, how homeschoolers just keep their kids home because they're too weak and too selfish to let go, how I'll find out what a terrible, selfish decision I'm making, just wait and see.  Aargh.  It's funny, because they spend the first three years teaching everyone how crucial it is that we bond with our kids and have a good relationship.  Then they hit preschool age, and suddenly that's a bad thing and we need to cut the umbilical cord and set them free.  At this point, I really think a good part of it is jealousy.

[kitten18]

I get this a lot at the once a week play group dd goes to. (I was going to skip signing up this year, but dd has so much fun. *sigh*) The parents all hang out in a class type thing while the kids play, and the parent educator mocks me relentlessly about how dd is over-attached, how homeschoolers just keep their kids home because they're too weak and too selfish to let go, how I'll find out what a terrible, selfish decision I'm making, just wait and see. Aargh. It's funny, because they spend the first three years teaching everyone how crucial it is that we bond with our kids and have a good relationship. Then they hit preschool age, and suddenly that's a bad thing and we need to cut the umbilical cord and set them free. At this point, I really think a good part of it is jealousy.

Wow. That's a lot to put up with on a weekly basis.

[Dmmetler]

One reason I put my DD in part time daycare as an infant and went back to teaching a couple of university classes a week was because she was a PAIL (Pregnancy after infant loss) baby, and a lot of the books and experts warned that it was very, very easy for such children to be "too precious" and end up damaging both the parent and child emotionally, with all sorts of dire consequences.

 

By age 2, the experts were saying something different-that DD was off the scope of what their tests could indicate, was in the Profoundly Gifted range, and that an institutional setting with same-age peers would not provide her what she needed academically and would cause emotional damage, that PG kids who don't get their educational and emotional needs met are at high risk for all sorts of dire consequences, and that the best thing we could do in my geographic area was homeschool!

 

Talk about mixed messages!!

 

 

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

The number one reason I HS is because I don't think it's right to send my children off to be "raised" by the government.  They don't know my child, they don't love them or care about my DC's emotional well being. 

[Elisabet1]

Maybe next time, if this is a guy who public schools, you could say "yeah, it is hard to take responsibility for your own children, especially when the state is willing to do it."

 

It is actually hard to "let go" of the public school dream. Let's face it, every fall when kids are buzzing around talking about which teacher they have, and the things they will do that year "we can be on the patrol this year" or "we get to go to the 5th grade camping trip" or "we get ipads this year!" it is just hard to let go. But, we do. And we gather our books, make our lesson plans, and when the bus comes that first day, rather than joining the excitement with the new bags and new outfits and everyone excitedly catching up on the summer, we do what we do here, at home, like we have always done. 

 

So basically, the guy is just another naysayer. He doesn't get it. And he is TRYING to get under your skin. 

[journey00]

There's an excellent book on this topic called Hold Onto Your Kids.

 

It's so helpful and really explains why we need to keep attachment parenting w/ kids going strong.

 

Alley

 

This is an excellent book!