kubiac Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 My best friend is finally getting on the baby train (yay!), although I can sense she's still a bit ambiguous about the whole thing. I don't want to overwhelm her, but she was over today seeking guidance on how the baby thing goes, so I'd like to help her and be a blessing to her without swamping her. (We live in different parts of the state so I won't be present through every step of the process.) I just wrote out a bunch of advice for her, but as it got longer and longer I realized that if I could only tell her one thing, I would tell her to make sure to have a lactation consultant or breastfeeding support system in place before the baby comes, because nursing is so crucial and yet so complicated and intimidating for new moms. So, what's your one piece of concrete advice you try to give pregnant ladies of your acquaintance? I'm looking for guidance on things big and small ("Trust yourself! Bring a nail clipper to the hospital because the baby might be born with long scratchy nails! Buy stock in Clorox!"), and I'd love to hear what you try to share with pregnant ladies in your life. Thanks all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seraphina Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Have a support system in place (friends, family) and don't be afraid to ask for help when it's needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Best advice that I received (and tried to follow): nap when Baby naps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Read Jim Trelease's Read Aloud Handbook. Great book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It happens and it's ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Just because advice is offered, doesn't mean you have to take it (and you should never feel bad about not following it). :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 babies grow fast, so enjoy them in the moment. even the sleepless nights will one day be long forgotten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Sleep when baby sleeps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Sleep, sleep, sleep and more sleep, whenever she can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azmomx3 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 There are no perfect mothers, we all have bad days. If you need a minute away from crying to regroup, just put the baby in the crib and step outside in your yard and calm down. You'll be a better mother if you take those moments when you need them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I don't know if there was any advice that helped, really. The things I can think of to tell someone are too specific to bandy out as general advice. There was one that stuck w/ me, though. Several women wrote advice & blessings on index cards for me. Dh's cousin, who'd had a baby the year before wrote simply, "The crying will stop." First, I experienced what she meant when the baby came. Then I experienced something worse, when she lost her baby a year later (2yo). That scribbled note on that index card has helped me at times to be grateful for the tears. They are signs of a healthy baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Just because advice is offered, doesn't mean you have to take it (and you should never feel bad about not following it). :tongue_smilie: :iagree: and this includes medical advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I don't know if there was any advice that helped, really. The things I can think of to tell someone are too specific to bandy out as general advice. There was one that stuck w/ me, though. Several women wrote advice & blessings on index cards for me. Dh's cousin, who'd had a baby the year before wrote simply, "The crying will stop." First, I experienced what she meant when the baby came. Then I experienced something worse, when she lost her baby a year later (2yo). That scribbled note on that index card has helped me at times to be grateful for the tears. They are signs of a healthy baby. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Never sale a sleeping baby! (Unless you are leaving the house.) When baby is hungry, he or she will wake up. You don't need to feed them every two hours if they are sleeping for 3. That bath can wait until morning...the neighbor who want to hold baby can wait. If you want to nurse your baby, read "So That's What Their For." It is a fun read, but also the most informative book I have seen. It helped me so much as I struggled with my first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Never sale a sleeping baby! I agree! Always ask for full price! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Listen to the advice you're given, but trust your gut and do what is best for your family. And honestly, I would be careful about how you approach bfing with her. I was unable to bf successfully. Yes, I saw lactation consultants but they can't change my body. I hated being judged because I bottle fed, and I hated feeling guilty and like I was less than. But bottle feeding isn't the end of the world. Please, tread carefully on the bfing issue, and support her in whatever she does. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, and no new Mom needs the guilt if it doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 The best thing for a baby is a healthy and happy mommy. (eg: don't get bogged down by everyone else's opinion of bottle vs breast, crib vs co-sleep, career vs stay at home, organic vs fast food, etc.) a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. A Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I have two things: 1. Learn to understand and then actually listen to your baby. The best baby book I ever read, hands down, is called Secrets of the Babywhisperer by Tracy Hogg. Babies always have a reason for crying and they are never trying to manipulate you! 2. I know this is not for everyone, but I am a strong advocate of wearing babies. :) especially in the first few months, they still completely need to be as close to mommy as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy to monkeys Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Sleep when baby sleeps! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 1. Sleep when the baby sleeps - at the very least, get off your feet and rest. everything else can wait. 2. Take help when it is offered -- dinners, laundry, whatever -- take it. 3. if you can, have freezer meals prepared before the baby is born -- huge help. 4. Think of the weeks afterward as a HUGE period of recovery -- TAKE IT EASY! 5. You don't have to answer the phone every time it rings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Time spent holding and enjoying your baby is not wasted. It is the most important thing you can possibly do at that moment. That moment is fleeting. Do that best thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChandlerMom Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 When you bring baby home and you and/or dh is asking all those "Why did the baby do this?" and "What should we do about..." questions, the most powerful phrase in the human language is: "I don't know." The 2nd most powerful phrase is: "...but we'll figure it out!" Other advice: if they want to read books, skip the pop psych "What to expect" and such and just grab a child development or dev psych book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 When you bring baby home and you and/or dh is asking all those "Why did the baby do this?" and "What should we do about..." questions, the most powerful phrase in the human language is:"I don't know." The 2nd most powerful phrase is: "...but we'll figure it out!" Other advice: if they want to read books, skip the pop psych "What to expect" and such and just grab a child development or dev psych book. The best question is: Is it a problem? Because there are a lot of things about babies that sound dire when you worry about them, but if you ask yourself that question turn out to be no big deal. "The baby wants me to hold her all the time." "Is it a problem?" "The baby wakes up to be fed once every night." "Is it a problem?" See what I mean? It just makes everything fall into place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I'm going to assume your friend is a good-hearted, decent, reasonably responsible person (as opposed to a serious drug addict or child abuser or something). In that case, I think the best advice is that she really can't screw her kid up that bad. As long as she loves him or her and puts in some effort, her kid will likely be just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 This too shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Get a Boppy, get a Bumbo, and remember your kid is not made of porcelain. Idiots have successfully raised kids for centuries, you will do fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Have a support system in place (friends, family) and don't be afraid to ask for help when it's needed. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I have two things:1. Learn to understand and then actually listen to your baby. The best baby book I ever read, hands down, is called Secrets of the Babywhisperer by Tracy Hogg. Babies always have a reason for crying and they are never trying to manipulate you! 2. I know this is not for everyone, but I am a strong advocate of wearing babies. :) especially in the first few months, they still completely need to be as close to mommy as possible. :iagree::iagree::iagree: 3. Sleep. The dishes can wait, the laundry will be there another day (forever and ever, amen). Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. You just got done growing another human being inside you, and now are sustaining them off your own body. Your body needs rest. So sleep. 4. Support systems are needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Contrary to what all the sales ads tell you, your baby really doesn't need every contraption that holds it, sways it, bounces it, swings it, etc. Put everything else on the backburner and just hold your baby. Wish I'd followed that advice with my first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Two words: paper plates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creativish Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 There are some gems on this list! :) I guess the best advice for your friend would depend on what her personality type is. There is no such thing as a perfect mom or baby, your best will do just fine. Ward off that mommy guilt as much as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seraphina Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Two words: paper plates. And not just for new moms, somedays paper plates can be even a old moms best friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I agree! Always ask for full price! :D Oops....that autocorrect gets me all the time....never wake a sleeping baby! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kubiac Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) You guys are awesome. And no worries about pushing on breastfeeding! Whatever she needs to do to make her and her baby feel happy and safe (and well-fed!) is wonderful and great of course. I personally really wanted to breastfeed and I just wish someone had told me that breastfeeding is really, really hard and that it's OK to need help and that it's OK to go to formula when that time comes to. Everything is gonna be OK! Thank you again! Edited October 3, 2011 by kubiac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 You are used to feeling competent. You are used to solving problems. There is no way to solve colic. They just need to cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenncslp Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I LOVE this thread! I adopted my daughter when she was almost 4, so I never went through the baby stage. Then, I started the foster-to-adopt journey, got my license about 3 weeks ago, and 2 weeks ago got a phone call that there was a premie waiting in the NICU that needed a home. She's been here 12 days and WOW, is it a life changer. I've been feeling bad because she just wants to be held...thanks for the reminders that it's okay. Still trying to get the hang of the oxygen, monitor, sleep-deprivation, etc...and we've barely done any school work. But she sure is wonderful. Thanks for all the tips! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett_ashley Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 don't wish away the days. I always found myself saying, "I can't wait until she's weaned, walking, down to one nap, potty-trained, etc." Enjoy what each stage offers, because before you know it, it's over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett_ashley Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 another piece of advice. take care of your marriage. I love this article: http://www.mitchtempleonline.com/profiles/blogs/the-best-thing-you-can-do-for a quote: "Of all the advice I've given to parents through my 20-plus years as a marriage and family therapist, I think this is the best: The most important thing you can do for your kids is not giving them great advice, administering perfect discipline, or even having the perfect "parade of homes" family. The best thing you can give your kids is the consistent, solid assurance that you love your spouse beyond a shadow of a doubt." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My midwife advised me to plan to have some one with me and the baby at all times for at least 3 weeks after birth. I was so glad that I made these arrangements beforehand because I had a difficult recovery and a difficult baby and really, really needed those extra hands. While not absolutely necessary in all situations, I think this is great advice, especially for a first-time mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Daddies are not babysitters! They are parents. This means two things to me. 1) when you leave baby with daddy, do not make everything "perfect" (like you would for a sitter)--you know-- the bottles are made and in the fridge, the 15 spare paci's are kept here, he has been napped and fed and changed and here is his favorite music--I'll be back as soon as I can....) Let the father figure some things out for himself---this will make him closer to the child and make your life easier in the future. 2) Do not micromanage the father. God made this a two person system for a reason. The father may do things differently from you, this is a good thing, let it happen. I remember coming home and finding my 2yo watching a 'b' horror movie (sort of a humerous spider flick). I was horrified. But....my children love scary movies and always know the difference between reality and TV. Remember they are 50% his children, he is allowed to raise them too. He will make mistakes (so will you) do not hold them against him. Lara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 When I had my first child I went around asking everyone for their best advice. 2.5 years later my favorite bit was what I got from my Dad. Don't read parenting books, don't have a parenting philosophy. Don't try to follow someone else's parenting schedule, philosophy, or ideals. Be the parent and person you are, use common sense, and love the kid. You're going to be great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Daddies are not babysitters! They are parents. This means two things to me. 1) when you leave baby with daddy, do not make everything "perfect" (like you would for a sitter)--you know-- the bottles are made and in the fridge, the 15 spare paci's are kept here, he has been napped and fed and changed and here is his favorite music--I'll be back as soon as I can....) Let the father figure some things out for himself---this will make him closer to the child and make your life easier in the future. 2) Do not micromanage the father. God made this a two person system for a reason. The father may do things differently from you, this is a good thing, let it happen. I remember coming home and finding my 2yo watching a 'b' horror movie (sort of a humerous spider flick). I was horrified. But....my children love scary movies and always know the difference between reality and TV. Remember they are 50% his children, he is allowed to raise them too. He will make mistakes (so will you) do not hold them against him. Lara :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 You are the momma. The Pediatritian is not the momma. Your momma is not the momma. Your neighbor is not the momma. Your bff is not the momma. The author of that book is not the momma. The nursery worker at church/daycare/etc is not the momma. The lady in line at the grocery store is not the momma. The lady on the other side of the internet is not the momma. ....I could keep on listing people who are NOT the momma...at the end of the day you are responsible for your baby. It's OK if you don't know what you are doing 100% of the time. Trust your gut. Your baby just needs to know LOVE, food, warmth...those are simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josie Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 You are the momma. The Pediatritian is not the momma. Your momma is not the momma. Your neighbor is not the momma. Your bff is not the momma. The author of that book is not the momma. The nursery worker at church/daycare/etc is not the momma. The lady in line at the grocery store is not the momma. The lady on the other side of the internet is not the momma. ....I could keep on listing people who are NOT the momma...at the end of the day you are responsible for your baby. It's OK if you don't know what you are doing 100% of the time. Trust your gut. Your baby just needs to know LOVE, food, warmth...those are simple. :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It may get messy; it may be awful at times. Those feelings are okay. The good will outweigh the bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pfamilygal Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Get a good sling. Or ten. You cannot spoil a baby. Take time to exercise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I am loving all these, esp. the ones about letting Daddy do things his way, and YOU are the momma. I wish someone had told me those (esp. the latter) -- I was so bent on "doing it right," I didn't really learn to trust my gut til kid #3 or so. What I always tell new moms (the ones who have that desperate look in their eyes) is "you WILL sleep again. I promise." I remember that with my first, I thought this was going to be my life (not sleeping) and I honestly wasn't sure I'd survive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 a quote: "Of all the advice I've given to parents through my 20-plus years as a marriage and family therapist, I think this is the best: The most important thing you can do for your kids is not giving them great advice, administering perfect discipline, or even having the perfect "parade of homes" family. The best thing you can give your kids is the consistent, solid assurance that you love your spouse beyond a shadow of a doubt." :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My best advice: You may not be an expert in babies/children, but you will always be the best expert on *your* baby/child. You will be his/her best advocate and protector. Don't be afraid to ignore everyone else's advice if your gut is telling you otherwise. Remember that it goes sooooo fast. Write notes, take pictures, savor every minute. Even when you do, it still flies by too quickly. Cuddle that baby as much as you want. And thank God for the mountains of laundry and night wakings -- tiny baby snuggles are so worth it all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Park next to the cart return:auto:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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