2squared Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 In that situation, I would be much more concerned about my son's behavior than the teacher's. If my son was so disruptive that my wonderful, hardworking, talented, pillar of a friend had to say something a little sharp to gain control of her class, I would be all over his butt like white on rice. I wouldn't think twice about her use of that phrase. Yes, it has the tiniest edge to it, but it doesn't sound like it was anything he didn't earn. :iagree: And I would be pleased that the teacher was able to gain control the class (having seen many parents who can't control groups of children). Sometimes kids need the shock factor to jolt them out of their behavior pattern. We don't use "shut up" at our house either, but my 9yo is definitely at the age where she needs to be able to handle language like that outside of the house, particularly if she is behaving incorrectly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 In that situation, I would be much more concerned about my son's behavior than the teacher's. If my son was so disruptive that my wonderful, hardworking, talented, pillar of a friend had to say something a little sharp to gain control of her class, I would be all over his butt like white on rice. I wouldn't think twice about her use of that phrase. Yes, it has the tiniest edge to it, but it doesn't sound like it was anything he didn't earn. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I will never be a coop teacher!:001_huh: I was thinking the same thing. I teach in other settings (but not co-op) and thought I was doing a good job with my students but if my students had such sensitive parents I would be walking on egg-shells. And believe me, the quality of my teaching would suffer if I was doing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 "life is tough, get a helmet." :lol: I am so stealing this!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
74Heaven Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 It was a rude way of speaking. However, it doesn't push my buttons like another co op teacher thread which shall not be mentioned.:tongue_smilie: In our co op, a kid would have been sent to sit with mom in this situation. That seems like a preferable way to handle it and would have probably made an impact on the entire class if the teacher had said, "Johnny, since you are not able to follow my direction or the class rules, you must now go sit with your mother." This is what I asked the teacher to do next time. Also, my son is not alone in being disruptive. The whole class is mostly 11yo boys with varying degrees of disruptiveness. :-0) LisaJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 How would you feel if a co op teacher said, "You just need to shut your trap, mister" to your 11yo son absolutely inappropriate - he is someone who has NO business teaching children. If this is a class of 11yo boys, and he can't control them, definetly need a different teacher. (if the teacher has good group control skills, the rowdiest bunch will follow instructions) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicCole Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Wouldn't bother me in the least. But I would have a discussion with my son about listening in class. How it is rude to continue to talk when you've been warned. How we should listen when others speak just as we want them to listen to us. It is a waste of time and steals valuable instruction time from others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowimscrappin Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I don't see anything wrong with it. If I were the co-op teacher and your 11 year old had constantly disobeyed and disrespected my role as teacher, he would have been out of the classroom. Its not fair to the other kids and to the other co-op teacher, who is, we remember, just another mom who is giving her time to others in this setting. I think we all need to remember that we are putting our children in their hands and if we don't like their behavior, perhaps we should just be the teacher, since clearly we would NEVER overreact with a group of 11 year olds where one or more constantly disobeys. There is a reason I'm NOT a co-op teacher. I cannot stand the misbehavior of other kids and its hard enough having to sit through the CC class with my daughter and witness and try to redirect the misbehavior of others in her class. My 11 year old would have been out of that class early and with stern words from me about his behavior and the consequences at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 How would you feel if a co op teacher said, "You just need to shut your trap, mister" to your 11yo son when he was being overly enthusiastic and talking way too much and way too loud during an 8am science class at a Christian co op? Inappropriate always? Just another way to say, "be quiet"? I had mixed feelings. We don't say "shut up" at all. We say "be quiet" in various shades of annoyance, including yelling! We use virtually no profanity. My friend had been having a bad morning. She is an amazing teacher. She has a very high tolerance for noise (compared to me). This woman is also a pillar of the co op; works nonstop to make it happen. And I totally appreciate her. My son felt embarrassed and my daughter (and another 11yo boy - he was in my car on the way home) were also in the class and they said the whole class got quiet and was upset/surprised that she said "those words". The second adult in the class was gone to grab a supply for the teacher. I prayed and felt awful about calling my (new) friend on it, but felt I had to because I don't think those words should ever be said in a co op setting unless they are followed by "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." I think they are a bad example to the kids and nothing we want to model. I wasn't overly upset because I know this woman's heart; her commitment to the kids and she is a great lady. My son and I talked it over very well and I helped him see that she was stressed, he had disregarded her warnings and she didn't "mean" anything other than "be quiet". I helped him see her perspective and also recognize how his behavior was wrong. We talked it over, I kept him on the phone and we called her. My son started by apologizing for his talking, not obeying. (I had hoped that would prompt and apology but it did not. She was gracious and forgiving and affirmed her affection for my son, his smarts, etc.) So I had my son go ahead and explain how he felt when she said the "shut...trap" phrase to him. He used words like "I felt it was rude and I felt disrespected." She was gracious and seemed to understand that it was a bad choice or words in a co op class setting. But she didn't offer that perspective until we talked a little more. But I've heard her talk like that before in an adult relating-a-story context - so I am wondering if she thinks saying those words to a kid in co op is no big deal? I was very proud of my 11yo son. He was scared to call but our pre-talk and prayer together and my insistence that (as much as possible, I would help him) he needed to handle it since it happened to him and he was the one upset and I supported him and agreed with him. (When I started to suggest that he call her with me on the phone too, I was kind of feeling him out to see if he could handle it. If he had been totally unable (or completely reluctant - he was not), I would have stepped in.) He did very well. What do you think? Like me, totally inappropriate? Or is it, "just another way to say 'be quiet'? Lisaj mom to 5 I think it should have ended with your son's apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I don't see anything wrong with it. If I were the co-op teacher and your 11 year old had constantly disobeyed and disrespected my role as teacher, he would have been out of the classroom. Its not fair to the other kids and to the other co-op teacher, who is, we remember, just another mom who is giving her time to others in this setting. I think we all need to remember that we are putting our children in their hands and if we don't like their behavior, perhaps we should just be the teacher, since clearly we would NEVER overreact with a group of 11 year olds where one or more constantly disobeys. There is a reason I'm NOT a co-op teacher. I cannot stand the misbehavior of other kids and its hard enough having to sit through the CC class with my daughter and witness and try to redirect the misbehavior of others in her class. My 11 year old would have been out of that class early and with stern words from me about his behavior and the consequences at home. The parents, not the kids, were what drove me away from co-op teaching. I, too, would have evicted boisterous student who did not respond to correction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 :iagree:It wouldn't have bothered me one bit. A loud child who won't be quiet after several requests needs something done to get his attention. That's what she did, and apparently it worked. It's not fair to the whole class when one child is disobedient and constantly interrupting the lesson. And honestly, the teacher doesn't have all day to teach. It sounds like she had asked him several times to be quiet. IMO, saying "you need to shut your trap" isn't rude and I wouldn't have batted an eye. I simply would have told my son that he shouldn't have been speaking out of turn and that when he can't follow the rules of the classroom, the teacher will reprimand him. Embarrassment in front of others is the logical consequence of that. No problem here whatsoever. I don't think an apology on the teacher's part was required and I wouldn't have expected it. I would have made my son apologize however, as he was the guilty party. :iagree: She didn't say "shut up". She said "shut your trap", which to me, sounds less harsh. In any event, it would not have been a big deal to me. If my son had ignored previous warnings, I'd expect him to be called on it in some way, including the use of "shut your trap". What else is she supposed to do, when she has already asked your son to be quiet and he didn't listen?:confused: I would not have called the teacher. :iagree: A key phrase around our home is "life is tough, get a helmet." :D :lol: I am so stealing this!!!!! Me too!!! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 He used words like "I felt it was rude and I felt disrespected." My immediate response as a mom if I heard my kids say that would be "And what about how you were rude and disrespected the teacher and the entire class of students?" She didn't just turn to him and tell him to shut up. She used the "nice words" and when those were ignored, used words (that were not even close to cussing him out or anything) to get the message across. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I wonder why so many homeschool moms feel the need to point out what they deem as inappropriate behavior towards their children by other adults. Really...these kids are going to have to learn that others will be in authority over them at some point. Mommy can't always jump in and make it better. It's an embarrassment to the homeschool community, imo. Unless an adult has been abusive or threatened/harmed a child, why get involved? Why not let the kid grow up and take the lumps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowimscrappin Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 The parents, not the kids, were what drove me away from co-op teaching. I, too, would have evicted boisterous student who did not respond to correction. That's my problem with most misbehaving kids - because we all know they are kids and I am not implying by any means that my 6 year old is perfect (because she cannot, under few circumstances, keep her own mouth shut) but I am there to redirect her and I am QUICK to redirect her. Its the parents that aren't considerate of their kids behavior and its impact on other kids that frustrate me. We were at tball today and one mom (and brother) were on the bench with their daughter the entire time, they were rubbing her hands to warm them while we were all waiting to start the inning with her on the field, and her daughter left the field in the middle of the inning to go talk to mom. All the while, my daughter was actually quite attentive and interested in participating and typically waiting for this girl, who was always ahead of her in batting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowimscrappin Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I wonder why so many homeschool moms feel the need to point out what they deem as inappropriate behavior towards their children by other adults. Really...these kids are going to have to learn that others will be in authority over them at some point. Mommy can't always jump in and make it better. It's an embarrassment to the homeschool community, imo. Unless an adult has been abusive or threatened/harmed a child, why get involved? Why not let the kid grow up and take the lumps? Sorry for two posts in a row instead of consolidating them, but I had to: :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) I wonder why so many homeschool moms feel the need to point out what they deem as inappropriate behavior towards their children by other adults. Really...these kids are going to have to learn that others will be in authority over them at some point. Mommy can't always jump in and make it better. It's an embarrassment to the homeschool community, imo. Unless an adult has been abusive or threatened/harmed a child, why get involved? Why not let the kid grow up and take the lumps? :iagree::iagree::iagree: I have an image of aggressive homeschool moms reeming cowering boot camp instructors for being harsh with their sons. Edited September 17, 2011 by annandatje Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 In that situation, I would be much more concerned about my son's behavior than the teacher's. If my son was so disruptive that my wonderful, hardworking, talented, pillar of a friend had to say something a little sharp to gain control of her class, I would be all over his butt like white on rice. I wouldn't think twice about her use of that phrase. Yes, it has the tiniest edge to it, but it doesn't sound like it was anything he didn't earn. :iagree:That's what I am thinking. It sounds like you were not there during this class, so you couldn't intercede when you son was told repeatedly he needs to be quiet, and you know that he is overexcitable/loud etc. Knowing these things about your kid would make me think you would stick around to ensure success for him in the class setting by helping the teacher enforce quiet etc when needed. Thinking of it from my persepective when ds13 is in a group setting I am typically present off to the back somewhere. He is with the group not with me but if he is not heeding the leader's words or causing a distruption, I am right over there getting him under control so the leader can focus on the rest of the group. It is not fair to the rest of the group to have constant interruptions because of 1 hyper kid. It sounds like the harshness of this teacher finally got through to your kid that he needed to heed her and for that I would not bat an eye. Personally I see having the child call the teacher and say they were disrespected when your son in fact had been the one that showed the most disrespect is raising him to be a victim rather than letting him see that her harsh words were a consequence of HIS behaviour. It sounds like she said it once, and then moved on with the lesson, so he wasn't raked over the coals or belittled etc. He is more than old enough to understand there is a time to talk and a time to be quiet and this was a time to be quiet. Obviously it bothered you, but I really don't think you did your son any favors here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I wonder why so many homeschool moms feel the need to point out what they deem as inappropriate behavior towards their children by other adults. Really...these kids are going to have to learn that others will be in authority over them at some point. Mommy can't always jump in and make it better. It's an embarrassment to the homeschool community, imo. Unless an adult has been abusive or threatened/harmed a child, why get involved? Why not let the kid grow up and take the lumps? :iagree: exactly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 soror - I did check immed. with the kids (I heard about it first at 130pm on the way home in the car). They were all certain she wasn't kidding. This was also confirmed in my phone call. Friend/teacher basically said, I was stressed, He needed to be quiet. I had told him several times. And she said, "not the best choice or words". Honestly, if I'd gotten that phone call, I would now treat you with kid gloves, and avoid avoid avoid. I'm merely posting to point out that if she distances herself, it is not out of "guilt" but out of "life's too short". Also, if it were my son, and he'd gotten this lesson, he would now be mouthy just to get a chance to get out of class and come be with me. Just a reflection on MY son, BTW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 : I wonder why so many homeschool moms feel the need to point out what they deem as inappropriate behavior towards their children by other adults. Really...these kids are going to have to learn that others will be in authority over them at some point. Mommy can't always jump in and make it better. It's an embarrassment to the homeschool community, imo. Unless an adult has been abusive or threatened/harmed a child, why get involved? Why not let the kid grow up and take the lumps? :hurray::hurray: I would have jumped in a few years ago myself but frankly, as my kids get older the more and more I realize they belong to the wider community and world as much, if not more then they do to me. I will always try to protect them from real harm but there are many times they just need to take their lumps and grow from having to deal with them their selves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 absolutely inappropriate - he is someone who has NO business teaching children. If this is a class of 11yo boys, and he can't control them, definetly need a different teacher. (if the teacher has good group control skills, the rowdiest bunch will follow instructions) Everyone loses their cool at times. Especially in a situation like a co-op where I assume the teachers are mostly volunteers, often with little of no training, the teachers need to have some room to make their own mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Personally I see having the child call the teacher and say they were disrespected when your son in fact had been the one that showed the most disrespect is raising him to be a victim rather than letting him see that her harsh words were a consequence of HIS behaviour. It sounds like she said it once, and then moved on with the lesson, so he wasn't raked over the coals or belittled etc. He is more than old enough to understand there is a time to talk and a time to be quiet and this was a time to be quiet. Obviously it bothered you, but I really don't think you did your son any favors here. :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Honestly, if I'd gotten that phone call, I would now treat you with kid gloves, and avoid avoid avoid. I'm merely posting to point out that if she distances herself, it is not out of "guilt" but out of "life's too short". Also, if it were my son, and he'd gotten this lesson, he would now be mouthy just to get a chance to get out of class and come be with me. Just a reflection on MY son, BTW. Yes, it is ironic how people sometimes think they have made their point because others avoid or tread lightly around them when, in fact, reasonable people do not want to suffer through further exchanges with them. I probably would have had offending student sit up front with me instead of rewarding him by evicting him from classroom unless there was a monitored study hall I could have sent him to for misbehavior. I certainly would not have been as gracious to original poster as the teacher in question was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 :iagree:It wouldn't have bothered me one bit. A loud child who won't be quiet after several requests needs something done to get his attention. That's what she did, and apparently it worked. It's not fair to the whole class when one child is disobedient and constantly interrupting the lesson. And honestly, the teacher doesn't have all day to teach. It sounds like she had asked him several times to be quiet. IMO, saying "you need to shut your trap" isn't rude and I wouldn't have batted an eye. I simply would have told my son that he shouldn't have been speaking out of turn and that when he can't follow the rules of the classroom, the teacher will reprimand him. Embarrassment in front of others is the logical consequence of that. No problem here whatsoever. I don't think an apology on the teacher's part was required and I wouldn't have expected it. I would have made my son apologize however, as he was the guilty party. This. I have two ADHD children. I'd be more upset with my child for causing the frustration. He needs to listen the first time. If he can't handle a group setting like that, I'd pull him out. Said from experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I wonder why so many homeschool moms feel the need to point out what they deem as inappropriate behavior towards their children by other adults. Really...these kids are going to have to learn that others will be in authority over them at some point. Mommy can't always jump in and make it better. It's an embarrassment to the homeschool community, imo. Unless an adult has been abusive or threatened/harmed a child, why get involved? Why not let the kid grow up and take the lumps? It's not just homeschool moms. :confused: Parents of dc in public and private school are exactly the same, sometimes worse. However, ps parents are not privy to what other parents are bombarding the teachers and principals with. Much of my "What not to do as a parent" education stems from my years as a ps teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 It's not just homeschool moms. :confused: Parents of dc in public and private school are exactly the same, sometimes worse. However, ps parents are not privy to what other parents are bombarding the teachers and principals with. Much of my "What not to do as a parent" education stems from my years as a ps teacher. Being a co-op teacher as well being privvy to talk among ps parents about encounters with teachers is what dramatically increased my empathy for traditional school teachers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 : :hurray::hurray: I would have jumped in a few years ago myself but frankly, as my kids get older the more and more I realize they belong to the wider community and world as much, if not more then they do to me. I will always try to protect them from real harm but there are many times they just need to take their lumps and grow from having to deal with them their selves. I had something like this happen just recently. My oldest, who has recently started public school didn't follow through on an obligation, and is now missing out on a great opportunity. The teacher said there had been another girl the year before, a former-homeschooler, who, in a similar situation threw a big fit with her mother and got her way. I think this will help my daughter learn. In the same way, I was once (as an adult) doing some FREE babysitting a 10-year-old who was being exceedingly rude and disobedient. When she grabbed her little brother and gave him an "arm burn" I jumped up and raised my voice at her. The mother made me apologize. The girl had to apologize for disobeying me, but I had to apologize too. Bull. I never baby sat for them again. I do want my children to understand there are buttons to be pushed on people, and you must learn that not everyone has the same buttons as your family members. And there are responsibilities for your actions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Sounds a little inappropriate. I'm not sure that I agree that "shut your trap" is less offensive than "shut up". We've homeschooled for nearly 15 years and have never been in a co-op. I know they aren't all like this....but, "shut your trap"....using the f-word.... Have co-ops always been like this?? Glad we didn't ever get involved in one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 It's not just homeschool moms. :confused: Parents of dc in public and private school are exactly the same, sometimes worse. However, ps parents are not privy to what other parents are bombarding the teachers and principals with. Much of my "What not to do as a parent" education stems from my years as a ps teacher. Honestly, I am begininng to think that before a parent complains in co-op they should be required to teach (a decent sized group of 10 and 11yr olds) in the same co-op. :svengo: I will be the first parent to stand up (or teach them to stand up) for my kids, but that is reserved for true injustice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 This. I have two ADHD children. I'd be more upset with my child for causing the frustration. He needs to listen the first time. If he can't handle a group setting like that, I'd pull him out. Said from experience. Thank you ! Thank you! Thank you! For too many parents, disorder diagnoses are used more as excuse for outlandish behavior instead of an explanation for it. Like yours, my special needs kid was not placed in a traditional or co-op classroom setting until she had skills to conduct herself appropriately. It was not fair to teachers or to other students to allow her to disrupt their learning and teaching efforts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 It sounds harsh to me. BUT, my reaction would be to think that my kid was really out of line and had pushed her to the point of frustration. I would be too emarassed by that to call out the teacher. I would focus on my son's classroom behavior. I have a kid like this so I can relate. This situation could totally happen to him at co-op and probably already has. I can't imagine reacting in a way that did anything other than focus on his behavior, even if I had some mama bear reactions to the choice of words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 My first thouht--inappropriate. But I think it does depend on the situation. You describe your DS being enthusiastic and loud. I imagined him dominating the discussion, sharing his thoughts on the topic without being asked, and generally being very enthusiastic about the subject, hyperfocusing on the subject matter to the extent of forgetting to give others a turn and so on. This is all difficult for the teacher, yet telling him to shut his trap is still inappropirate. If he was enthusiastic about random things, and not focused on the subject, then I think her response was appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I wonder why so many homeschool moms feel the need to point out what they deem as inappropriate behavior towards their children by other adults. Really...these kids are going to have to learn that others will be in authority over them at some point. Mommy can't always jump in and make it better. It's an embarrassment to the homeschool community, imo. Unless an adult has been abusive or threatened/harmed a child, why get involved? Why not let the kid grow up and take the lumps? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 It would not bother me. I cannot see how the phrase is so terrible. She lost it a little bit, but so does everyone, and it's not bad for kids to see that they can be really annoying. I think she responded appropriately to the phone call--perhaps it wasn't the best choice of words, but it wasn't offensive or wrong or anything that needs an apology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) It wouldn't have bothered me one bit. A loud child who won't be quiet after several requests needs something done to get his attention. That's what she did, and apparently it worked. It's not fair to the whole class when one child is disobedient and constantly interrupting the lesson. And honestly, the teacher doesn't have all day to teach. It sounds like she had asked him several times to be quiet. IMO, saying "you need to shut your trap" isn't rude and I wouldn't have batted an eye. I simply would have told my son that he shouldn't have been speaking out of turn and that when he can't follow the rules of the classroom, the teacher will reprimand him. Embarrassment in front of others is the logical consequence of that. No problem here whatsoever. I don't think an apology on the teacher's part was required and I wouldn't have expected it. I would have made my son apologize however, as he was the guilty party. I absolutely agree with this, and would never have expected an apology from the teacher. I would, however, have made my ds write a note to her when he got home, full of profuse apologies for his behavior. Not my job to correct the teacher, *definitely* my job to correct my kid. ETA: Just noticed what the original question actually said. How would I feel? Embarrassed. :blushing: Edited September 17, 2011 by Julie in CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 A child's disruptive behavior doesn't justify a rude response from the teacher. And, I think "shut your trap" is rude. Not shockingly rude, but rude nonetheless. The child does need to be reprimanded for his behavior, but I'd expect an adult to have a bit more control than that. If it were my child, I'm most likely not say anything to the teacher, but we'd not take her classes in the future if her normal manner of speaking was like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) My students (age 11+) would feel patronized and made to feel like *children* with the bold. "What you need to do is shut your trap" would be more developmentally appropriate. :iagree: My 14-year-old, who is gifted, hyper, and has Asperger's, agreed that if his teacher said that to him, he wouldn't be shocked. If he complained to me about it, we both agree that my response would have been, "I guess you should have shut your trap when she told you the first time." I think having the kid apologize for disrupting the class and disobeying the teacher is good. I wouldn't have expected an apology from the teacher. I would have told my son that it's normal to feel embarassed when you are reprimanded in public, and the thing to do is try to avoid making people need to reprimand you. Sometimes when we repeatedly disrespect and annoy people (as he did that morning), they run out of patience. People are human. Now, if the kid has ADHD, the mom should work with the teacher about how best to work with him. Edited September 17, 2011 by Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenpatty Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I would have told my child to shut his mouth next time. What the teacher said would not bother me. The fact that my child had to be asked repeatedly to be quiet would be my concern. I would not have expected an apology from the teacher, but my ds would have been apologizing to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 My immediate response as a mom if I heard my kids say that would be "And what about how you were rude and disrespected the teacher and the entire class of students?" She didn't just turn to him and tell him to shut up. She used the "nice words" and when those were ignored, used words (that were not even close to cussing him out or anything) to get the message across. I don't love that kind of aggressive talk, but I would never have let my son seek out an apology for it. If it bothered me enough to have to talk to her, I would talk to her myself. But I would have projected to my son that when he's in someone's class, he has to be quiet when asked, and in fact probably shouldn't wait to need asking. I wouldn't want him to think he's entitled to an apology for mildly assertive language after running his mouth and not obeying. I would tell my son that other people are paying for this class and he's not entitled to waste the teacher's time. He's 11 so he's well past the age when I would be more concerned about his feelings than his disruptiveness. And I say that as the Mom of a kid who went to school and did a lot of mouth running, lol. He's my more talkative child. My husband, also, was constantly in trouble for talking in class, which is hilarious now because I would say he would score below average now on a loquaciousness index. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeannpal Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Honestly? It wouldn't have been a big deal here. He was acting up and got called on it… the "disrespectful" bit? Tit for tat, really. It's not us though…it's you. Obviously it *did* bother you, so you dealt with it. :) :iagree:Honestly, your son sounds like he was being very disrespectful to her as a teacher. Other than sending him out of the room so that she could actually teach the other kids, she really didn't have another option. Had she already told him to be quiet?. If so, the strong language got the point across when he wouldn't listen to her quieter warnings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 At middle school level there is often a more irreverent humor and camaraderie, not only between kids but often between the teacher and his/her class. Not an inappropriate kind of humor or camaraderie but more free and easy. Telling him to "shut his trap" wouldn't cause me to even blink. And having my child cautioned in such a way would cause me to spend a lot more time calling him on his own inappropriate behavior. :iagree:While I have never told anyone to "shut your trap," I did tell several of my middle school students very firmly, "It's time to shut your mouth now," or "Dude, stop talking!" after more "polite" and less direct requests were ignored. While I initially would have considered this to be "unprofessional," I found that it was much more effective in getting their attention. I was the youngest and strictest teacher at my school, but using humor and a bit of their slang/language definitely helped my rapport with my students. This teacher may have fallen flat in this instance (as we all do at times!), but I wouldn't consider what she said totally out of line unless it was truly delivered in an angry, harsh way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 My students (age 11+) would feel patronized and made to feel like *children* with the bold. "What you need to do is shut your trap" would be more developmentally appropriate. I agree. I teach middle school and high school kiddos at co-op, paid classes, etc. You have to balance meeting where they are at with being the adult. I speak to them in a very different way than I would to an elementary class. Yes, it is ironic how people sometimes think they have made their point because others avoid or tread lightly around them when, in fact, reasonable people do not want to suffer through further exchanges with them. I probably would have had offending student sit up front with me instead of rewarding him by evicting him from classroom unless there was a monitored study hall I could have sent him to for misbehavior. I certainly would not have been as gracious to original poster as the teacher in question was. Dirty little secret here, but when I send a child to his parent, it's not to reward him for misbehaving, it's to embarrass the parent into taking action. As a co-op teacher (unlike a classroom teacher,) I have no real authority over the student, and I depend on the parent to back me up. [This is one of the inherent problems with a co-op, btw, and the reason it is difficult to find a good one.] If they don't do it willingly and the problem continues, eventually I have to force their hand into handling the situation. Having their dc come to them in front of the other parents is my last resort, but it is effective 95% of the time (there's always that one that just doesn't care at all.) (And I couldn't agree with your first paragraph more. :D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Dirty little secret here, but when I send a child to his parent, it's not to reward him for misbehaving, it's to embarrass the parent into taking action. As a co-op teacher (unlike a classroom teacher,) I have no real authority over the student, and I depend on the parent to back me up. [This is one of the inherent problems with a co-op, btw, and the reason it is difficult to find a good one.] If they don't do it willingly and the problem continues, eventually I have to force their hand into handling the situation. Having their dc come to them in front of the other parents is my last resort, but it is effective 95% of the time (there's always that one that just doesn't care at all.) :iagree:My boys would be very embarrassed by having to return to the "mom's room" to sit with me because they misbehaved in co op class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I am shocked at the number of people who find "shut your trap" completely inappropriate for 11year olds. To me, this kid behaved badly in class and then his mom had him call the teacher to give HER an opportunity to apologize. If she had said "shut up you nitwit", then we have a discussion. But "shut your trap"?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Unfortunately going to "study hall" at our co-op meant you were supervised by one parent who had study hall duty that day. The atmosphere could range anywhere from quietly working to rowdy conversing with friends, depending upon which parent was on duty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 My knee-jerk reaction is that it's inappropriate. BUT I would be more disappointed in my child for not behaving properly in class, and I sure as heck wouldn't have gone fishing for an apology from the teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I also think it's your responsibility as his parent to work out a behavior plan with the teacher that will meet the needs of the other kids as well as your son. Since he has special needs and you let her fend for herself, well, then you have to live with not liking how she handles it. I would suggest that you apologize to the teacher for not doing this in the first place. Then sit down with her and ask what the expectations for your son need to be and be ready with different suggestions for how she can handle different scenarios that you know are likely to come up. Don't make it a burden on the teacher or the class. Use this as an opportunity to teach your son what's needed in group instruction situations. You should take responsibility for prepping him on the expectations before class, and asking her how well he met them, then you are responsible for rewarding/giving consequences as you see fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Sure, it could have been handled better, but she is human. You know that she was having a bad day and is normally more polite. Let it go. You would not want to be called out on every imperfect thing you say to your children. We hold teachers to a higher standard than ourselves, but we cannot expect them to never have a bad day or bad moment. Your son was not harmed by her words. It seems to have been effective at getting her point across, too. Maybe he will think twice about talking too much in class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 That sounds almost like Mayberry to me. I would attribute a saying like that to a little old grandmother. My kid would be in a lot of trouble, though, for disobeying a teacher and disrespecting the class by being loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.