What do you think is the perfect number of children?

[Mrs. Readsalot]

I know when I was young my friends and I would discuss how many children we wanted. We had a mental idea of our perfect family. Now as adults I wonder what our thoughts have become.

[Night Elf]

I'm voting 'As many as we are blessed with' because I don't have a specific figure. I always thought I'd have a large family. I don't consider our family of 5 to be large at all. :(

 

My DH, otoh, would likely say 3 since that is how many we have but I believe he would have been happy with just 2. He and I don't agree on this topic, unfortunately.

[Remudamom]

I voted "as many as you are blessed with" too, but I have an added thought.

 

Of course, I think the number of children in your family is your business, but those of us who are Christians usually have the quiverfull mindset. I think it's wonderful to have a boatload of children, but I know one dear young lady that I do worry about. She is not healthy to begin with, and pregnancies are borderline dangerous to her. She is a fantastic mom, and is now expecting her fourth. She'll have all she can, and I doubt would consider any form of bc.

 

I think that Christians do/should consider children a blessing, and that how you feel about children is very important. If a couple thinks two is enough (and aren't open to any more) because then they can get that expensive house/car/pursue their career, etc. that's sad to me. If they feel two are enough because there are health concerns, financial difficulties, blah blah, imo that's a different story. I don't think there is anything wrong with bc, but it's all in the motives to me.

 

I've heard great couples say "X is enough children for us". One couple with three children comes to mind. I always thought it was a shame, because they are such great parents. Something must have changed their minds because they are going to adopt.

 

We have five, and were open to more but it just didn't happen. I think after the triplets were born my body just shut down! I have to admit that at my age I wouldn't want another. But I'm very open to grandchildren. 8)

[Lucky Mom]

When I was young (and career-minded), I thought the fewer the better...Now that I'm older and have children, I think a house full would be great!! We have two, and that's all we'll have, but I would have liked to have gotten an earlier start and had one or two more.

[Kim in Appalachia]

not because I think you have to have as many children as you physically can, but because I don't think there is a "perfect" number. What ever number you have is "perfect" for you.

[cat in black]

WE were only blessed with three, but I always wanted seven and envisioned a house like the Waltons had. Now I am filling in the gaps with grandchildren. :-)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

Of course, I think the number of children in your family is your business, but those of us who are Christians usually have the quiverfull mindset.

 

You know, growing up (Christian), I never knew ANYbody who held this view. Not til the past ten years have I ever heard of it. (And I guess I was probably under a rock.) I know that my pastor when I was a teen held that his family's "quiver" was full -- seven kids -- and that their family's quiver was just larger than some other people's. However many kids you had, that was full.

 

So I don't know about "usually."

 

I've learned that even when you think you know a person's motivation (career/money/house/car), very often it's something else, something more deeply personal. So while I can understand that someone would feel "sad" or sorry that another person espoused that view, please realize that there might be more going on there than the couple wants to reveal.

 

Just my two cents, and as always, YMMV.

 

As to the original question, I hope that for me, "enough" is always how many I have. I don't want to waste my time and emotions regretting children I don't have, nor do I want to minimize the blessing that one or another or more of my children have added to my family already. (No matter how unexpected or shocking or life-altering (*ahem*) their appearance on the scene might have been.) Again with the Christian scripture (sorry), but I guess I strive for the old 'in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content" mindset.

[Andie]

not because I think you have to have as many children as you physically can, but because I don't think there is a "perfect" number. What ever number you have is "perfect" for you.

 

 

What she said. :iagree:

[Pam Wilhelm]

As many as you can comfortably provide for......... and then add a couple more. .... just to make life interesting. :lol:

 

Whatever you and significant other feels is right...... it's no ones business than your own.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I thought I wanted 4, I got 5, I wouldn't part with any of them, BUT...I was a better mother for 3. Now that my two oldest are pretty much grown and there are 3 left at home, I find myself becoming that person again.

 

But that is just me.

 

I know I will be lonely when they are all gone.

 

Added: I had never heard of being quiver-full till I met my first homeschooler.

[Closeacademy]

As a child, I wanted 3--2 boys and a girl in the middle. I do have 3 with my step-daughter but they are all delightful girls.

 

When looking at other families though I think that 5 is a good number.:001_smile:

[Remudamom]

 

I've learned that even when you think you know a person's motivation (career/money/house/car), very often it's something else, something more deeply personal. So while I can understand that someone would feel "sad" or sorry that another person espoused that view, please realize that there might be more going on there than the couple wants to reveal.

 

 

 

Absolutely. I'd hate to make a remark based on my interpretation of someone else's motives for anything. I try to keep my mouth shut!

[mommaduck]

There is no perfect number. Depends on the family and what God blesses them with.

[Tracey in TX]

I also voted for the multiple blessings category. I never wanted an only child and would have done everything in my power to avoid that. We anticipated 2-4 children, and are blessed with 5, but keep collecting "borrowed" kiddos (exchange students).

[elegantlion]

I voted as many as you are blessed with. However, we have been blessed with ONE and that is perfect for us. My dh and I talked briefly about adopting when ds was litle, but now we are very content with our small family. I grew up with one older sister and never had the desire to have a large family.

 

I'm a christian and had never heard the "quiver full" mindset until the last year. I grew up in midwest suburbia and 2.4 kids was the general concensus in our area. I think each family has to determine what is right for them.

[JudoMom]

When I was growing up, I thought I might have 2 kids (a boy and a girl), and never really liked kids all that much as a teenager/young adult.

 

I guess I changed my mind.

 

I voted "as many as you are blessed with", because this is an issue that is so deeply personal. For example, I think 6 is a good number, but dh thinks 5 is perfect (especially since they all fit in our paid-off van) :001_smile:.

[Laura Corin]

The number that the couple have the mental, physical and financial resources to care for properly. For us, that was two.

 

Laura

[Jenny in Atl]

The number that the couple have the mental, physical and financial resources to care for properly. For us, that was two.

 

Laura

 

What she said!

[Andie]

...For example, I think 6 is a good number, but dh thinks 5 is perfect (especially since they all fit in our paid-off van) :001_smile:.

 

 

I think vehicle sizes affect reproductive choice in this country way more than anyone thinks. ;)

[Lorna in the boonies]

I always wanted 4-5 and dh always wanted 2-3.

 

I'd love to have more, but my OB/GYN put his foot down (I've had a ridiculous number of complications) and dh agreed with him. My head agrees with both of them (I have no business having any more babies), but my heart has fought against it pretty hard.

[Jackie in AR]

I know when I was young my friends and I would discuss how many children we wanted. We had a mental idea of our perfect family. Now as adults I wonder what our thoughts have become.

 

For our family, 4 seems to be the magic number at the present time. While growing up, I always wanted to have 4 dc: two boys and two girls with at least one set of twins. And that is exactly what we have.

 

I did suffer a miscarriage between dc #3 and #4; of course I would love to have that child with us now!

 

And I would be open to adoption if the opportunity arose; dh would have to be persuaded for us to take that option.

 

ETA: And I didn't vote in the poll because there really is no "perfect" number, kwim?

[abbeyej]

I couldn't vote, 'cause I don't think there's a "perfect number". I have two. Dh seems to think that's perfect. ;) Although he also would have been content with one. (He's an only himself.) I think in my head, 4-5 sounds perfect -- but I also love the things we can do as a family that might become more challenging with more kids.

 

And if I had 4 or 5, I don't know if I'd think that was perfect either. ;) Maybe I'd still want more. Maybe there'd be aspects of our life with two that I'd miss.

[mommaduck]

To answer the last question...

 

In Jr High and highschool I wanted 14 children. When hubby and I married (and yes, he knew about the 14), he wanted 3-4 and I said 4-5...we have 7 and 1 in heaven.

[nukeswife]

not because I think you have to have as many children as you physically can, but because I don't think there is a "perfect" number. What ever number you have is "perfect" for you.

 

That's why I voted the way I did. I think "what ever you are blessed with" is more of a feeling we got. When we had our 3rd we were blessed with the feeling that our family was complete. Could I have had more? Sure I was physically more than capable. I never had any problems during pregnancy or delivery. 3 just feels right for us. For others what they are "blessed" with may be different.

[jail warden]

I'm not voting because I don't know the perfect number yet! As a little girl, I wanted 12 because that's how many were in my mom's family and it was a blast to get together, we always had 2 ball teams and could play whatever we wanted! When I got older I thought 2 was perfect, one boy, one girl of course! When I met dh we always thought we wanted 4. But, now I have 3, I LOVE being a mom with all my heart. However, right now we don't feel stable financially to add more. Although it's getting better and my dh is looking into another career path and taking training which takes him away from home a LOT. I have a lot on my plate right now and adding another baby just seems ovewhelming, although I would love another one as I look to the future of our family, I just don't know.

[JessMcG]

As a child all I knew is that I wanted my first to be twins. I never considered having a large family...NEVER.

 

Now I consider it every day.

 

When I had two kids, I could not wait for the third to come. Now I have three and my "thirst" is more quenched. I want a fourth but if he/she doesn't come I will still feel satisfied.

 

Dh wants as many as I'll have (and the more the merrier), I'm still not sure what I think about going past 4.

[Brigitte]

When I was young (and career-minded), I thought the fewer the better...Now that I'm older and have children, I think a house full would be great!! We have two, and that's all we'll have, but I would have liked to have gotten an earlier start and had one or two more.

 

:iagree:

[Jami]

WE were only blessed with three, but I always wanted seven and envisioned a house like the Waltons had. Now I am filling in the gaps with grandchildren. :-)

 

My parents had three, only wanted three. But they now have 8 grandchildren with 3! more coming in the next year. One way to fill a house certainly!

 

Jami

[Jami]

I couldn't vote, 'cause I don't think there's a "perfect number". I have two. Dh seems to think that's perfect. ;) Although he also would have been content with one. (He's an only himself.) I think in my head, 4-5 sounds perfect -- but I also love the things we can do as a family that might become more challenging with more kids.

 

And if I had 4 or 5, I don't know if I'd think that was perfect either. ;) Maybe I'd still want more. Maybe there'd be aspects of our life with two that I'd miss.

 

I didn't vote either. Perfect can vary a great deal from family to family. We initially thought 4-6 would be nice. Then we had 3 in rapid succession. Now after a 4 year break, we're cautiously ready to add a 4th. But we were pretty content with 3 and dh is very certain 4 is it here. But I know "perfect" families with 1, 2, 5, + kids. :)

 

Jami

[fivetails]

I voted for the "as many as we are blessed with" as well - though we only have two and they're not mine biologically (dh came with kids - we have dd11 and ds9) {though they are in the heart :D } ....I'd love it if we could have more - the only way that will happen is if we can adopt at some point in the future since dh was 'fixed' after his son was born (grrr - he didn't really *want* to do that, but his ex and someone else talked him into it...) ...ds is 9, so it's been too long for there to be much chance if he tried having it reversed (the longer it's been, the less chance) and that procedure is costly & not covered so.... besides, there's so many kids out there that need a home...someday, we'll add more that way. :)

[Julie in CA]

My answer doesn't really fit any of the choices. When I see larger families, I still oooh and ahhh, because I think the more, the merrier. With that said, we have 5 dc, and I'm definitely not giving birth to any more. Having the 5 we have within a 7 year span really just "did my body in" in terms of baby-making. I'm pretty content, as is my dh, but I would love it if a few more dc just "arrived" in our home.

About 15 years ago, when we couldn't afford more than we had, I met 2 sweet little boys who were headed for a group home (orphanage). Oh, how I wanted those babies!! There is no way anyone would have allowed us to have them. Our teeny tiny falling-down shack of a house just wouldn't hold any more--but that didn't keep me from longing to bring those boys home to be a part of our family. I still think about them occasionally, and because that happened once, I know it can happen twice. If the Lord wants our family to grow, more children will just arrive. My dh is not the type to seek out an adoption situation, but he is the type who would accept(and love) it if a flock of children walked into our life and stayed forever. :thumbup:

p.s. When I was young I wanted 6.

[tinkgumby]

I voted "as many as you are blessed with" not because I think you have to have as many children as you physically can, but because I don't think there is a "perfect" number. What ever number you have is "perfect" for you.

 

This is pretty much my response in a nutshell, with one addition . . . sometimes people aren't able to have as many as they want, and it's important not to judge without knowing. My sister, who has one daughter, tried for over 10 years to have more children. She went through many miscarriages and a stillbirth, as well as unsuccessfully trying to adopt, before giving up and moving on. It's heartbreaking how many people, at church and elsewhere, will make thoughtless or accusing comments to her about having an only child.

[Michelle in MO]

been younger when we got married, four would have been a great number. We have three girls and love them dearly, but there seems to be a certain "dynamic" with three that there are two pitted against one. That tends to lead to conflict. :rolleyes:

 

I'm content with our three, though. Sometimes with homeschooling I feel that it's more than I can handle!

 

I have tremendous admiration for you moms out there who have more children and homeschool them! :hurray:

[MamaChristina]

I am from a family of 5 children and always wanted at least that many. At first dh said 2-3 MAX. Well, after we had our third, he was standing holding her and informed me, "I just LOVE our kids! I want ten, a whole soccer team.":) Well, I had just been in the agony of labor and didn't care to hear that at that moment. But, now I look at it from the perspective of loving and accepting as many as God wishes to bless us with.

 

Having said that, we are not wealthy by any means, but we have found that God is faithful to supply the neccesary extra each time he adds another little one. Each one is dear and precious. When other people give us a hard time about our six blessings, my husband just asks them which one we shouldn't have had.

 

I will add that I don't look down or judge anyone who doesn't have the same view. God has different plans for all of our lives and speaks to us all at different times in our walk, and only they can know how God has directed them at that time.;)

[ChristusG]

I think that the perfect number is different for everyone. I dont feel like I'm at my "perfect number" just yet....I have two. Sometimes I would love to have 6 or 7. Other times I think that one more would be just fine LOL. I just really dont think I can handle being pregnant many more times. I do not enjoy it and next time I will have to be on thyroid medicine the whole time, which I am not too comfortable with.

 

So I think the perfect number differs according to your family. If you can come to the acceptance that God will bless you with your own perfect number, then I think you will be content about it.

[nancypants]

There is no such number. And the answer is not listed because it's a different number for so many people.

[CalicoKat]

Back when I thought "my plans" were important than's God's I did have a specific number in mind. But now however many or few children God chooses to bless is enough. So far we have 5 blessings. And we're hopeful of a 6th "delivery" between July-Sept.

 

God's plan was for me to be an adoptive and foster Mom.

[Jill- OK]

One couple with three children comes to mind. I always thought it was a shame, because they are such great parents. Something must have changed their minds because they are going to adopt.

 

See, part of me would wonder if they were great parents because they knew their limits.

 

I'll admit that our parenting feels at times as if it's slipped from what it was when we had only two...and I believe that five is enough for us. If we were to have had one more (which I wanted to do...until number five), we would still be Christians, we would still trust the Lord to provide, we would still wholeheartedly believe that children were God's blessings...but I know we would probably struggle, in ways similar to what we struggled when we added a fifth child.

 

I won't pretend to know the complete and perfect will of God on birth control, but my gut instinct tells me that in order for us to treat the children we have in the way we believe is right, it was good for us to stop at five. Not saying that others' thresholds can't be much different, not insinuating that someone who isn't of this same mindset is necessarily wrong...just offering a different perspective.

 

ETA: Please, no one take this to mean that I regret any of my kids, because I wholeheartedly wanted five, and I wholeheartedly wanted another, after number five...but my perspective includes a dose of reality, and also has been affected by my husband's views. (He doesn't regret any of our kids at all, either, but he's significantly older than I am, and believes his limits are different. And I not only think it's okay to acknowledge that...I'm glad he does.)

[Philothea]

The quiverfull idea is in many ways what I would just call being a "Casti Connubii Catholic" :) That is following the teachings set forth in this papal encyclical as well as some of the great writings by Pope Pius XII.

 

For us it's not a conviction, a feeling, or whatever else. We must have the children that God gives us, it's part of our Faith. We gladly co-operate. We'll have what He gives, whether that is 2, 5, or 25 (like St. Catherine of Siena's mother).

[Jill- OK]

As many as you can comfortably provide for......... and then add a couple more. .... just to make life interesting. :lol:.

 

LOL...sounds like our house. :-)

 

My grandfather (one of five, himself) made the remark when we told him about number five (or was it four?)...

 

"Hey, that's great...as long as you can feed 'em."

 

So far...we can. Even with the couple more to stretch us. :D

[Jill- OK]

...I think five is perfect for us.

 

We never named a number, when we were starting out, but our five are perfect, to us. :)

 

I think we both thought we'd have a lot more, but made the decision to stop when we did based on a number of things.

 

Five Feels Good for us...but someone else's family may differ, significantly, and I think that's okay, whether they have one or twenty, as long as they're seeking to do a good job with whatever amount they have.

[swellmomma]

I have always wanted 8, ever since I was a little girl. I have 4 right now, but as a single parent that is my limit, the only way I will have more is if I find the right guy and get remarried, then who knows I may even end up with more than 8. The one thing I do know is I am ever so greatful to even have the 4 I have, I have lost 6 along the way, and I am perfectly happy to only ever have these 4 and give my praises for having them.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

See, part of me would wonder if they were great parents because they knew their limits.

 

:iagree:

 

I think my dh and I are at our limit. :) I felt so stretched with the birth of #3. There were so many moments that I wasn't being the mom I needed to be. I can't imagine what it would be like to be pregnant or dealing with a non-sleeping baby (because that is the kind we make apparently) again. From the outside, I'm guessing we look like good parents, but I'm not willing to be stretched any thinner. If God had different plans for us, I would welcome and love another child and pray every day that He would give me the strength. I'm just not going to go out of my way to add #4.

 

That said, I picked 4 kids for the poll because I wanted 4 kids before getting pregnant with #3. :)

[LibraryLover]

I have no idea. I have 4, but I always wanted 6. That hasn't worked out for us, and it feels like a tremendous loss. It hurts like crazy. I haven't figured out any way to resolve this.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

That is a highly individual thing. When we started out, we thought 2-3 would likely be a good range to aim for. We were open to seeing what would happen and how things worked. After 2, it was pretty clear we should be finished having them. My body would not do well with any more given some things I have gone through. I would love to be able to have more, but I truly feel that for now, we are complete with who we are supposed to have in our family. If adoption presents itself later, I am open to that. But I know that for now, we are where we are supposed to be -- 2 wonderful boys have blessed us!

[Sharon in SC]

I know when I was young my friends and I would discuss how many children we wanted. We had a mental idea of our perfect family. Now as adults I wonder what our thoughts have become.

 

 

I voted "as many as you are blessed with" but felt the need to clarify that, in my mind, that could mean 0-20+. :) In short, the Lord Himself knows how many children any given family should have. I carry the mindset that all things are under His pervue, everything is "before him". Because of that, I have to believe that God wanted *us* to have two (though I would have loved more). I'm so thankful for the morning a few years back when I was struggling with this issue in my life (the desire for more children). On that day, the Lord gave me the verse that speaks to the fact that He will see that His purposes (for that area of my life) would be fulfilled. I've not struggled a day since. It is is reassuring to me to know that I'm walking out *His* will and intent for this area of my life! And I'm confident He's constantly at work effecting the same in other believer's lives as well. :)

[Jolash]

I voted as many as you are blessed with. However, we have been blessed with ONE and that is perfect for us. My dh and I talked briefly about adopting when ds was litle, but now we are very content with our small family. I grew up with one older sister and never had the desire to have a large family.

 

I'm a christian and had never heard the "quiver full" mindset until the last year. I grew up in midwest suburbia and 2.4 kids was the general concensus in our area. I think each family has to determine what is right for them.

 

:iagree: We would have welcomed as many children as we were able to have, but were blessed with only one. It took a while, but I am thrilled with that number. I never planned to have only one, but feel so blessed to have him!

 

Being in the ministry, we get lots of "advice" about how we are hurting our son by "only having one" but God knows what he's doing and our only is thriving!

[mcconnellboys]

I'm not sure how to vote on this. I grew up in a time when we heard a lot about 'establishing zero population growth' and about how 'two children was darn near perfect'. My own parents had two children. My mom's sister had two because she had rH factor at a time when it was still very dangerous and even her second pregnancy was nearly disastrous. In my Dad's family, his two sisters both had 3 children and his only brother had 2. My husband grew up with a single brother, who only has one child.

 

I'm not sure how my husband and I came to the idea that we'd like to have three, but after we had our little guy we both sort of mourned that we felt we couldn't risk any more. Both my pregnancies were problems and we were really afraid to risk even greater problems if we tried again. (I can't get pregnant without undergoing surgery for my endometriosis, first, each time.)

 

Now that our little guy has finally started really growing for the first time in his life, and is actually the size of most other ten year olds, we really do miss having a little guy in the house (at least we have a five year old neighbor boy who spends a lot of time with us, LOL, so we get to laugh over him on a regular basis).

 

I know there are a lot of adoption options out there, but I don't feel I would be any good at that at all as I don't feel that I'm all that good a parent. Not that I don't try to be, I just don't think that I am.....

 

So I guess I would say that I think whatever number of children each couple feels they are able to care for emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc. is the perfect number for their family. Some people are just better suited to parenting than others and are wonderful with big families. They excel at managing their homes and a large number of children; making all of them feel well loved and helping each of them to be successful people.

 

I think those people should have large families. Other people (like me, I guess) would turn into terrible ogres if they had large families (or maybe I should say more terrible ogres than they already are, LOL). For them, I think it's better if they have only a smaller number of children. Either way, I think, for most of us, we get what we need and what's perfect for us, neither too little nor too much, as Our Father wills it....

[hsmom]

I only have 3 and wish I would have had more. Now I am unable to have any more.

[lovemyboys]

Beautifully said.

 

We can't know what's going on in someone else's family and especially not in their heart of hearts. So best not to try.