Would you have been picked?

[Soror]

Ditto here, 12 yrs marriage this coming month as well :) They wouldn't have picked me. We get along ok now but I still would guess I wasn't their top choice. Dh doesn't have a lot in common with my family but they still think he is a good person, husband and father.

[Ester Maria]

Interesting thread. No and no, actually, but life has its share of surprises. :tongue_smilie:

[Aubrey]

My whole family, from parents to great-grandparents, cousins, and uncles loves my dh. More than me, I sometimes suspect, lol. I don't know if they would have chosen *him* AT THE TIME--he had long hair & was barely 20, but if they'd gotten to know him first, they would have been thrilled. Really, though, they probably would have preferred that I not marry. There's a lot of divorce in my family, & some of the older generations have become convinced that it's almost a given.

 

Dh was easy. Me? No, I don't think ils would have chosen me. They're VERY hands-off, so it's hard to imagine them *choosing* anyone, but they're also very gregarious, social, extroverted, etc, so I'm sure they would have chosen someone more outgoing.

 

Since dh is also introverted (less than me), though, I'm not sure an extrovert would have been right for him. His parents have never understood that part of who he is very well, so...I'm glad we got their blessing, & I appreciate their attempts now to understand. I *hope* I'm the best choice for dh--whether ils would have chosen me or not! ;)

[justamouse]

WAY the heck no. I am everything they are not. I'm not into makeup, jewelry, clothes. I'm not Italian, not glamorous.

 

MY parents were startled at first with Dh, but they adore him. Even my aunt and uncle adore him. Dh and my Uncle sit and talk *for hours*. Sigh.

[Night Elf]

It wasn't arranged, but my mom pushed me into marriage with my first husband. That marriage lasted 7 years, which was about 5 years too long.

 

My mom would definitely pick my DH and my MIL would definitely pick me. She told me I was a great DIL. :D

[Sebastian (a lady)]

The other day I was talking with DH about our parents.

 

I told him I thought it was funny that had our marriage been arranged, my parents would have picked DH for me without a doubt. They love him. They would have picked him as their first choice as a husband for me.

 

However, DH's parents would *not* have picked me as a wife for their son. I would not have even been in the "maybe" pile to be considered. I am not want they wanted for a daughter in-law and wife for their son.

 

Dh completely agreed. He said there's no way his parents would have picked me as his wife.

 

Oh, well. After 12 years of marriage I'm over the fact that they simply tolerate me. ;)

 

How about you? If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Would your parents have chosen your spouse?

 

Had we not gotten married, I think my inlaws would have adopted me. (Or tried to convince one of my bil's to marry me. :D).

 

I am blessed with some of the best family. I always wish I could wave a wand, sprinkle some fairy dust and give everyone great inlaws.

[waa510]

Well, I know for sure that my in-laws would never have picked me in a million years as a wife for my husband. I can't cook, my housekeeping skills are mediocre at best, I'm not Southern, I'm stubborn and don't put up with passive-aggressive women well, and I'm not intelligent enough to be with her gifted son. So I think it's safe to say I'd have been in the shredder pile! :tongue_smilie: My in-laws tried to drive me away, and now merely tolerate me as they see that I'm much more stubborn than I appear :D

 

 

I don't know that my Mom would have picked Dh for me. She is only now starting to see in him what I do. He's respectful, polite, clean-cut, well-educated, attractive, etc. so he comes off well in that regard. I think I'm very misunderstood by my family, so I think they would have a hard time picking someone who would be good for me. I think he would have been in the "no" pile. I think my mom would have picked someone else for more shallow reasons, like money or male model looks. I don't think she really gets what I need.

 

So I probably would have ended up with some awful man who seemed nice enough on the surface, but was all wrong for me deep-down. Dh would be with a blond, blue-eyed, southern Susie Homemaker..who would also be willing to keep having children until providing him an adorable son. I'm glad we didn't have arranged marriages!!

[missmoe]

Interesting ?. On my husband's side of the family his parents were the first to marry for love and not abide by a family decision on whom to marry. So, I think they are still learning how to treat DILs!:001_smile:

 

I would not have been choosen. I'm not sure my dh would have been chosen either simply because he was not in my parents' social relm.

[elise1mds]

My in-laws would have chosen me. I'm the daughter my MIL never had, which is probably a good thing because if I'd grown up with her, we'd probably never speak.

 

My parents would have chosen my DH *IF* he had been like he is now when they met him. As it was, he was an immigrant with no car, no money, no high school diploma, lived with his parents, and - oh yeah - didn't have a green card. They would NOT have chosen him based on that criteria. I can't really blame them, but all's well that ends well!

[FlyingMOm]

No way would my parents have chosen my husband. They are deep into Southern pride and he is from New Hampshire.

 

I don't know about his parents. They love me now, though, I am sure of that.

 

Same here only opposite- my dh's mother was also "deep into Southern pride" and I was from....... New York... the absolute WORST Yankee state to be from. And to make matters even more difficult, I am proud of my state & heritage- apparently this was a sin to her. She never liked me, no matter how hard I tried.

 

My parents *love* my husband & consider him another son. Really, they adore him. I always tease and say that we can never get divorced because they might keep him over me! ha! So, he's stuck with me for the long haul!

 

So, no my husband's parents would not have chosen me but yes, my parents would definitely have chosen my husband!

[Jen+4dc]

My parents have loved dh from day 1. He's respectful, kind, and he had already graduated from college and was headed into grad school. (My Gpa died when dad was in college and he had to drop out and help take care of his mom. He never got to go back and we always struggled financially growing up. I was the first in my family to graduate from college so this was a really big deal to them!) Dh was their idea of perfect and he's never disappointed them.

 

His parents on the other hand would never have picked me!!!! The girlfriend he had before me was their ideal. When he broke up with her they were in complete shock. :tongue_smilie:

Yup, here, too. His ex was little Miss Perfect, just exactly like mil and the opposite of me. And, completely wrong for him! MIL about died when he broke it off. I am just like my fil, so he and I have always gotten along famously.

 

About 6 months after we got married I was talking to sil and mentioned that mil intimidated me: she's very domestic and talented (cooks, sings, plays piano, sews, etc). Sil laughed and said, "Jen, you intimidate her!! You're independent and outspoken and know what you want and you go for it." Since that time I have had a different perspective on mil. Sil must have had the same conversation with mil about the intimidation thing because mil became much more comfortable around me after that conversation.

 

16 years later, we all get along wonderfully, I am truly blessed and have been since the beginning. My mil, while she would not have chosen me, vowed to love me from day 1 of the engagement and I really think she does (especially since she'd been wishing more than 10 years for a grandchild and I gave her the first one!;)). She has always been respectful of me as a human being, my place as dh's wife, and as the mom of my own kids. I'm really grateful to have such amazing in-laws.

Edited June 27, 2011 by Jen+4dc

[july19]

My parents would have picked my husband for me. No doubt. They adore him (I swear they love him more than they love me :glare: )

 

My application wouldn't have even been allowed in the same town as the building that the auditions were taking place for Project: Wife for Nicholas. They hated me then and still aren't crazy about me. We're friendly, but you can just.....tell....

[amyable]

My parents definitely would have picked him and still adore him.

 

My parents-in-law would *not* have picked me, you know, 'cause I'm adopted and I'm just marrying him for his money. :lol: Dh and I still joke about that one... out of all his siblings' families, we are definitely the poorest (although we are doing fine.) Dh was a poor grad student earning only his TA stipend at the time this was said. Yeah, I'm marrying a guy making $12K for his *money*. :tongue_smilie:

 

Now that my MIL actually *knows* me (FIL has passed away) I think she likes me. I take very good care of her son and I think she appreciates that!

Edited June 27, 2011 by amyable
I killed a kitten.

[WiseOwlKnits]

My family would have picked DH. They adore him. It helps that the guy I dated before DH was a real loser so it made DH look even more amazing in comparison. :)

 

His family would never have picked me. MIL told me a while back that she didn't like me when she met me at all and that no one was good enough for her little boy. I'm sensing this is a common theme among moms of boys. She's warmed to me over the years, especially since I'm now the mom to her grandchildren. :D

[akmommy]

Unlikely my parents would have chosen DH. MIL would have chosen me, but DHs fathers family most definitely would not. I am not a submissive little lap dog who follow my man around waiting for scraps. They seem to think we should do what they want us to do and if we don't watch out because they will be attacking. I don't think I've ever met another family that works so hard at tearing each other down.

[dirty ethel rackham]

My parents would have picked dh, for sure. Working class roots that picked themselves up by their boot straps and went to college in the GI bill. They liked that dh is college educated (has his masters) but doesn't flaunt it.

 

Not sure about dh's family. His mother passed away years before dh and I met. His dad is a pretty quiet guy so I am not sure what he thought in the beginning. If he knew me when we first started dating,, he may have said no because I was not going to Mass at the time. His sister would surely have picked me if she had input. We hit it off right away. She was coaching her baby brother on how to be a better boyfriend. She wanted me in the family;)

[mooooom]

her son was 33 and unmarried and she would have probably been satisfied with a potted geranium if it would have given her grandchildren.

 

My parents are fine w/ dh, but they had always wanted me to marry a doctor. Of course they had always wanted me to BE a doctor as well.

[8circles]

No on both counts. Although my parents are more convinced that DH is a great match for me as time goes on, I think his mom likes me even less. I think she wanted him to marry the neighbor girl who she treats like a daughter. Oh well, I certainly wouldn't have picked her for a MIL either so I can't complain.

[foxbridgeacademy]

DH and I have known each other for almost 24 years, our mothers were "frenimies". We didn't become a couple until about 12 years ago. His mother "tolerated" me at first, then she outright detested me. DH hasn't spoke to her in over 8 years because of her behavior toward me (TMI to go into here). My parents having known DH since he was a kid were leary of him, but would never have said so. As he is now, an adult, they would choose him in a heartbeat. They know no one else could put up with me this long or this well.

[*Inna*]

No for both.

We had to adjust through different cultures, languages, faith.

 

My mom wanted me to marry a nice Russian/Jewish boy. :glare:

His parents wanted him to marry a proper Christian girl (I was neither).

[Aquinas Academy]

No and no. MIL is very sweet and we have a great relationship, but she told me not long after I got married that I would be so much better if I was French. Uh, thanks. :glare: For my parents, it's the same thing. They think DH is a great guy; it's just too bad he's not a Brit.

[Truscifi]

No. On both counts. Both sets of parents started out totally against, and have progressed slowly (and unwillingly) through tolerance and into acceptance, mainly because they knew dh and I did not care what they thought. I think my MIL even likes me now.

[nikkibelle]

My DH's parents wanted him to have a "good Gujarati wife". I don't fit that description at.all. I love my in-laws, and we have a good relationship even though I don't cook much. :tongue_smilie:

 

My parents would have picked DH for me.

[Alenee]

My mom actually DID pick my dh for me. She came home one night from a billiard tournament and said, "You just HAVE to meet cute-butt!" :lol:

 

It was very clear the first time I met mil that she never would've picked me. I remember standing in her kitchen while she looked me up and down with a scowl on her face. :glare: Now 16 years later, I actually talk to her more than dh does and I *think* she's okay with me. When I told her I'd be out of town while she came for a visit next month she replied, "Well I guess I shouldn't come then." :)

[MamaT]

My MIL would not have picked me and screamed bloody murder when my dh told her we were getting married (over the phone - I wasn't on the phone and neither was she, it was my FIL, but I could hear her). 30 years later, she feels the same.

 

My parents would have picked my dh for sure.

[Rosie_0801]

How about you? If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Would your parents have chosen your spouse?

 

His parents would not have picked me. In fact it was difficult enough to persuade them that I existed when I was standing in front of them, at times.

 

My father would never have picked dh. Given his own way, he would have made the worst match available because that's the sort of chap he was at the time. Now? Well who knows? Such a thought experiment would probably make me develop a nervous twitch.

 

Dh is 4 years older than I am, and I suspect Mum would have chosen him if he had been 6 years older.

 

I find the idea of arranged marriage fascinating. I don't think I would have been opposed if I had grown up in that culture, but I'm glad I had the chance to choose.

 

I wrote an essay at uni about arranged marriages. I can see the sense in it, if you trust your parents to choose well! (I have no relatives I would have trusted more than my inexperienced self!)

 

My parents would have chosen him.

His parents would not have chosen me.

 

I just found out that I was referred to as "The Gold Digger" for the first year or so. Funny thing is, my beloved didn't have any gold until much, much later! :tongue_smilie:

 

Only the first year? A few of my inlaws still seem to think I am, and he probably won't be inheriting their gold for another 30 years! Hehehe

 

Rosie

Edited June 28, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[chicagoshannon]

Yes, my parents would have chosen my DH for me. And, yes, my IL's would have chosen me. Although 7 years later I'm not sure they still would have chosen me. lol

[eternalknot]

My grandparents had an arranged marriage; my parents weren't arranged per se, but were heavily pre-screened and -selected by family :) I like the concept enough to consider it. My brother has ended relationships because we (his siblings) won't give our blessings to a marriage with certain women. I suppose that's a form of us choosing for him. Our family tends to discuss these things openly, passionately, and in good stride.

 

If you are married would your in-laws have chosen you? Would your parents have chosen your spouse?

 

My in-laws wouldn't have chosen me. We're both families of immigrants, but from opposite sides of the world WRT culture, religion, language, etc. I don't meet their (Eastern European) model of a good wife. I've grown on them, sort of like a hemorrhoid, but they wouldn't have chosen me then - and certainly wouldn't now, even though they're accepting of me now.

 

I think my family would have chosen someone for me that was more suited to our culture, religion, language, etc. That said - knowing I was going to marry out, I suspect my parents would have presented my husband to me as an option (but not an only option). I think his being an immigrant, too, was appealing to them in terms of us relating to one another.

 

I find the idea of arranged marriage fascinating. I don't think I would have been opposed if I had grown up in that culture, but I'm glad I had the chance to choose.

 

I think there's a great marriage of the two, for lack of a better phrase - families being somewhat involved in the decision, but not running the show. Many of my friends are immigrants, and this is a sort of unwritten but understood compromise made between the older relatives and the younger, more Westernized kids.

[Ginevra]

No and no. My parents would have picked someone like Josh Duggar. They would not have picked the motorcycle-riding, airplane-flying, Levis-wearing guy that was 8 years older than me and drank beer. :tongue_smilie: But, for me, that's :drool5: (Well, not the beer so much.)

 

My MIL would probably not have picked me because I was too young, I had no earning potential, my home of origin was somewhat troubled and I "had all those allergies." (I actually heard that was a strike against me at one time.) We get along fine now, though and I like to think she would pick me now!

[Peela]

Neither. I was not sophisticated enough for his mother and she told him as much. However, as the years have passed we have a lovely relationship. I think we grew on each other.

My parents don't like dh much, but they tolerate him. We hardly see them- but part of that is that they don't get on so well with him, so they don't visit much. But...I have to say, thats not altogether their fault. He is not an easy person to get along with (they call me a saint frequently). Still, I love him, and I am no saint.

[Vanna]

Amusing thread (I've had some good chuckles over the "no and no" ones in particular). :lol:

 

No and no. I'm "white" (I actually have a lot of NA ancestry as well), and I grew up on a farm in the Deep South. Dh, on the other hand, is hispanic (Puerto Rican and Mexican), and he grew up in the Bronx. The chances that our families would ever have even crossed paths are slim, and they especially wouldn't have thought to put us together.

 

Our marriage is similar - I'm black, he's white.

 

I guess for us it would depend on when our parents would have made the selection, before or after dh and I met.

 

If "before" then, no on both accounts. We're both from NY but led completely diff. lives. Our folks would have a better chance at winning the Powerball than meeting. If "after" dh and I met, then "yes" on both counts. Our parents could see how happy we made each other.

 

We dated for 3 months, broke up, and the Lord brought us back together 4 yrs later and we married. MIL happily displayed a photo of us taken from our "earlier dating" days on her fridge when we were engaged -- yeah, she saved it for that whole time!

[Word Nerd]

Yes and yes, though both sets of parents thought we were marrying too quickly (6 months after we started dating).

[kalanamak]

Nope, not a Christian.

[Virg]

My parents might have picked DH. ILs would NEVER have picked me. I am the wrong color, wrong political party, wrong denomination, I homeschool. I could go on. I think everything that I am is wrong LOL I am almost over it now :)

[Forget-Me-Not]

My parents would have picked DH for sure. In fact, if we were to divorce they'd probably keep him and ditch me :lol:

 

As for my ILs. . . well, FIL actually set us up, so I guess that's my answer :D And my MIL told me recently that I couldn't be any more perfect for their son if they'd custom ordered me.

 

Yeah, we're super lucky all around in the IL department.

[cathmom]

I've always said that I'm glad I don't live in a culture where marriages are arranged, because my father wouldn't have seen fit to arrange any! He totally wouldn't have cared if my sisters and I ever got married.

 

My parents would not have picked him - his mother may have picked me but IDK. I think she thought I would bring him into Protestant fundamentalism, but instead he brought me back to Catholicism LOL.

[simka2]

I find the idea of arranged marriage fascinating. I don't think I would have been opposed if I had grown up in that culture, but I'm glad I had the chance to choose.

 

Only you will understand the irony of this. A certain Pastor's wife and I discussed at length arranging a marriage between my dd and one of her ds's. I would probably die if that happened now. (although I would hope I could love him anyway!)

[orangearrow]

My parents wouldn't have chosen my husband, but they are soooooooooo glad that I did. They love him like he was their own now. :001_wub:

 

His parents no-way, no-how would've picked me. And I am okay with that. :tongue_smilie:

[Jenny in Florida]

My husband's parents might have chosen me, once they got to know me a bit. I know they were very happy when we got married (finally) and that they gave me more credit than I deserved for getting their son "on track."

 

No way in a million years my parents would have chosen him for me, though.

[kalanamak]

When dh and I announced our engagement, my soon-to-be MIL sat me down and told me about all the young Filipinas that she had been hoping my dh would choose from. Even after we were married, my ILs did not remember my name for the first 2 years. I would call and say that "This is Jean" and they would say "Who?" So I would say, "You know, _________ wife." And they would say "Who?"

 

:lol: I got this! I was The White Wh*re. :lol:

[Mom in Michigan]

My parents would not have picked dh, because we were young when we got married and they didnt really like the idea but now he's part of the family.

 

But his parents would've picked me :001_smile:

[BMW]

My dh's parents would have picked me. I am very glad to have a good relationship with them. My fil cried when he offered the toast at our reception... tears of joy.

 

My parents would also have picked dh. Dh is quite similar to my dad. They are simple men... a bit predictable in some ways... but honest and very family centered.

 

I am so thankful. After a very painful first marriage (first husband's mom would have picked me, my parents would not have picked him), we all love the relationships that we have. My dh's first marriage (his wife died of cancer) did not provide very close family dynamics... his wife's parents would have picked him, but my in-laws would definitely not have picked her and it was spoken of quite openly and it was quite stressful. That is sad. As I said, I am so thankful for the dynamics in place now.

[orangearrow]

Slight sidetrack: My Grandma met my mom first - they worked at the same place (a huge factory - Grandma worked in the cafeteria area and my mom worked elsewhere) and Grandma thought my mom was just about the sweetest "girl" she had ever met in her life.

 

She wanted to introduce mom to her 3rd (and favorite) son because she thought they would be *perfect* together. He'd just met his soon-to-be-wife (they divorced after ~10 years)... so Grandma tried to wait it out. When she realized that wasn't gonna happen - she "arranged" for my dad to "happen to" bump into my mom (Dad also worked at the factory, but in a different area from Grandma and Mom). Dad had just gotten out of a relationship with someone that Grandma hated...

 

Two years or so later, they were married. ♥ Grandma STILL adores my mom (as she should - my mom is awesome, lol).

[Margo out of lurking]

Yes, my in laws would have picked me, but my mil would regretted that later.:glare::001_huh::tongue_smilie:

[G5052]

If the dads were in charge -- YES!

 

If the moms were in charge -- NO!

 

It was funny that way. Both dads were very enthusiastic, but we had problems with both moms with the wedding and afterwards. I think that my MIL came to accept me near the end, but my mother always maintained appearances but clearly never liked DH.

[WIS0320]

My MIL - NO WAY. My FIL - Yes. I have a good relationship with my MIL now but apparently she cried for a couple days when my husband announced our engagement to his parents. :glare:

 

My mother loves my husband and has from the moment we started dating, so I'll say - yes!

[Ecclecticmum]

Ahh the old MIL debate rofl.

 

My parents would of picked DH, they said he was "a lovely young man, we couldn't of picked better" :D

 

My PIL would of no way picked me, they still had their hearts set on his ex-ex a mousey very churchy girl whom DH was not fond of after a certain debacle with her.

 

MY PIL think I am a Pagan (which shows how much they know me), they don't like the fact I am Aussie, that don't hide their comments, and their precious Daughter-In-Law followed suit, refusing to come to our "Pagan" wedding where she seemed to think we would be jumping over fire and sacrificing babies (actually we got married in a beautiful garden, by a lake, and a celebrant talked about the power of love whilst we stood in a rose petaled circle. They don't even use the word Pagan right or know what it means. They use Church for Socialism which IMO is sacriligious, and tried to pursuade me to do the same thing :001_huh: . So in a short answer, no, I was probably the last person on earth on their list. Do I care? Yes, it would be absolutely wonderful to have sweet parents in law, but hey, I have a really sweet husband so I am sure I'll make do :tongue_smilie:

[DawnM]

My parents would have chosen him. His mom would never have chosen me. She still doesn't care for me.

 

DH moved to CA 5 years before he met me. But when we got married it was MY fault we lived in CA and not where they lived! :lol:

 

Dawn