Keep going to anti-hs toddler group?

[Mergath]

I've got kind of a problem. My dd, who will be three next month, goes to a once a week ECFE class. It's completely play-based, and she adores it. She talks about it all week long, and at this point, the class and a twice a month play date are the only interaction she has with other kids.

 

The way the class works is that I play with dd in the toddler room for the first hour, then the adults move into the adult class while the kids stay back for snack, story, and more play. The adult class chats about a different parenting topic each week.

 

My problem is that the adult educator is rabidly anti-hs. She spent half of the class last week looking straight at me and telling me how public school is absolutely vital for children, children can't thrive when they're home with parents, and on and on. She even followed me out of the class afterward to tell me for ten minutes that you can't be a parent and an educator, so hsing moms aren't REALLY moms. You get the idea.

 

I would just stop going, but dd just adores the class and her friends there. I've tried setting up playdates with the other kids, but to no avail so far. I've told the parent educator that we've made our decision and I don't want to talk about it anymore, but obviously that's done nothing. I would just go sit in the lobby, but the way it's set up, dd would be able to see me if I was in the lobby, and she would spend the whole class trying to get mommy to play, which sort of defeats the purpose.

 

Any ideas? It would break dd's heart to quit going, but I'm not sure what else to do to get this woman the heck off my back.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Are there any other playgroup options? I would make an app with the instructor and just let her know. Your decision is YOUR decision and it has nothing to do with the group. I would ask her to keep her personal feelings on the matter out of it or she will have a full email inbox from angry WTM moms :D

[MeaganS]

she will have a full email inbox from angry WTM moms :D

 

But according to her, we aren't REAL moms. :)

[arghmatey]

As soon as she starts, just reply, "That's an interesting point of view!" Then change the topic. When you JADE (justify / answer / defend / explain), you enable her invasive ways.

 

I wouldn't leave the group if my child loved it.

[QueenCat]

My problem is that the adult educator is rabidly anti-hs. She spent half of the class last week looking straight at me and telling me how public school is absolutely vital for children, children can't thrive when they're home with parents, and on and on. She even followed me out of the class afterward to tell me for ten minutes that you can't be a parent and an educator, so hsing moms aren't REALLY moms. You get the idea.

 

 

 

Does this person have a supervisor you could go to? I would tell her to please stop. If she doesn't, go to the supervisor.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

But according to her, we aren't REAL moms. :)

 

 

Well us fake moms can still fill up her real email box ;)

[Nakia]

Does she make a habit of criticizing other parenting decisions or has she singled out homeschooling? Either way, I would speak to her and tell her, very firmly, to knock it off. If it didn't stop, I would consider staying in the room with your little one when the parents go out for the meeting. If that doesn't work, I hate to say it, but it might be time to move on. That just really stinks. :grouphug:

[In The Great White North]

Bean dip.

[Gooblink]

What a shame you have to put up with that attitude. :grouphug:

 

I think 3 year-olds tend to live in the moment and if you find a new playgroup or preschool program she'll adjust, make new friends and love it just as much.

[RanchGirl]

It sounds to me like she is trying to drive you away to limit your influence. So I would go and purposefully ignore her, and intentionally talk to the other moms and let them know homeschooling has been very positive for your children and show them your family is great. Consider yourself a homeschooling ambassador while you are there!

[gardening momma]

She even followed me out of the class afterward to tell me for ten minutes that you can't be a parent and an educator, so hsing moms aren't REALLY moms. You get the idea.

I would get in her face and say, "That is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have every heard!" Then, if she persisted, I'd say, "By your logic, then a teacher who's a mom isn't really a mom either."

[LaissezFaire]

So every teacher in the world should not have their own children because they can't be' a parent and an educator'? I wouldn't be able to go back, I feel like eventually her philosophies would start to affect my child.

[RahRah]

Wow, she's already starting in on you when a lot can change in two years - that's nuts!

 

I'm not saying you're going to not homeschool, but really, she doesn't even need to know if you will or won't - your DD is going to be three....!!! I'd not make it known what I was planning to do for education - it's really none of her business at the end of the day. But she knows and is obviously going to try to covert you to her thinking, depsite that not being her business.

 

You may want to remind this woman that part of the mission of EFEC is that "Recognizing that parents are a child's first and most significant teachers, ECFE offers a variety of classes and resources for parents and children birth through kindergarten age. ECFE helps build healthy families and sets the stage for parent involvement and children’s success in Kindergarten to Grade 12 education."

 

She obviously cares little about the purpose of her role - facilitator to involve parents more actively in their child's education throughout their growing up years....and that isn't just going to public school when they hit K age, that's any kind of education, including homeschooling or private school.

 

What she said is in direct conflict with the mission of ECFE - perhaps you can take that up with someone who is above her?

[AmericanMom]

:ohmy:

 

She even followed me out of the class afterward to tell me for ten minutes that you can't be a parent and an educator, so hsing moms aren't REALLY moms.

 

 

What are we, polar bears?

[happi duck]

:ohmy:

 

 

 

 

What are we, polar bears?

 

Yay! I'm a polar bear! Woot!

[AmericanMom]

Yay! I'm a polar bear! Woot!

I think I'm more of a koala bear - aren't those the ones that carry their babies everywhere?

[Mrs Mungo]

We are BEES, remember? :D

[Plucky]

Why does she even know you are planning to homeschool? Your dd is only 2. Are you being too opinionated about it yourself and not realizing it?

[Jennifer3141]

I would call whomever is in charge of this group and express my extreme disatisfaction. And then I'd tell this nut to mind her own business. :D

[ChristusG]

Is she the supervisor/owner of the place? If not, I'd be on the phone to someone complaining that you are being harassed at playgroup about your educational choices.

[Mergath]

Why does she even know you are planning to homeschool? Your dd is only 2. Are you being too opinionated about it yourself and not realizing it?

 

It came up during preschool registration. I hadn't even mentioned it until then, but when she was passing out forms so we could register for the three-days-a-week preschool ECFE offers, I said no thank you, not really thinking it would turn out to be a big deal. She asked me if I was signed up elswhere, and I told her we were going to homeschool. And that's where it all began...

 

I'm definitely not opinionated about hsing. I'm one of those who thinks hsing isn't for everyone, so I'm not out there lecturing anyone on why they should do it, too. Just the fact that we're doing it is enough to threaten this woman, apparently... :glare:

 

I've got to run now, but I'll be back online to reply tonight. Thanks for all the replies so far, everyone. :)

[PinkInTheBlue]

I would call whomever is in charge of this group and express my extreme disatisfaction. And then I'd tell this nut to mind her own business. :D

 

My opinion is to also have a conversation with her that's short and easy. Something along the lines of, "I appreciate you have an opinion but this topic is never open for discussion again with me. Thank you in advance."

 

:)

[Lara in Colo]

SO when we teach them how to

 

tie their shoes..... we aren't mothers

make their beds

dress

brush their teeth

cook their dinners

wash clothes

drive

have manners

oh and most of all....

 

when we teach them to mind their own business!!!

 

teaching them math and grammar is so much different??

[Abigail4476]

As soon as she starts, just reply, "That's an interesting point of view!" Then change the topic. When you JADE (justify / answer / defend / explain), you enable her invasive ways.

 

I wouldn't leave the group if my child loved it.

 

Totally agree. :iagree:

 

Toss her a mostly friendly smile that shows you aren't upset by her views--because you couldn't care less what she thinks--and change the subject. If you don't address it and then later, the other Moms find out that you hs (or if they already know), she'll be the only one who ends up looking bad. :)

[Anne Rittenhouse]

It is her job to get as many of you signed up into her preschool program as possible. Think about it as a "time-share condo seminar"....the stories and snack to ensnare your child and the "parenting" seminars to make you feel not up to the job....adds up to increased preschool enrollment for her.

Either walk now or establish clear boundaries.

[bookfiend]

"We have different points of view. I am finished discussing this topic." Then smile big, it will drain some of the anger from your heart.

[coralloyd]

If you go again and she brings up the topic. I would simply look at her squarely and say " Thanks for your input, next time if I want it I will ask for it." With a sweet smile. If she continues I would get up and leave without a word. I personally would not let her push me out of the group. I would come back the next week, and be kind and considerate. She will eventually give up.

Edited April 13, 2011 by coralloyd

[Storm Bay]

Are there any homeschooling parents who have play dates for dc your dd's age? If you could find something else, that might help.

[Cricket]

It came up during preschool registration. I hadn't even mentioned it until then, but when she was passing out forms so we could register for the three-days-a-week preschool ECFE offers, I said no thank you, not really thinking it would turn out to be a big deal. She asked me if I was signed up elswhere, and I told her we were going to homeschool. And that's where it all began...

 

I'm definitely not opinionated about hsing. I'm one of those who thinks hsing isn't for everyone, so I'm not out there lecturing anyone on why they should do it, too. Just the fact that we're doing it is enough to threaten this woman, apparently... :glare:

 

I've got to run now, but I'll be back online to reply tonight. Thanks for all the replies so far, everyone. :)

 

So the toddler group is an advertisement for the preschool and she is irked that you aren't buying? :glare: Are these meetings basically her lecturing on different topics or is it more a conversation between adults? If it was her lecturing, I think I'd find a new group. If is was more discussion, I would speak up. If things got worse after speaking up, I'd move on to a different group. She is either clueless or a bully. After a few conversation, you can probably figure out which one!

[Melissa in NC]

When all else fails with rude people, I tell them they will get over it. (Meaning they will get over their rude opinion.) They ususally don't know how to respond.

[emmn]

I have had things like this happen. I Guess if it gets bad enough, I guess I would find another playgroup that is accepting of your lifestyle choice. Why are the other moms not offended by this? I would not like feeling singled out.

[FO4UR]

:iagree:Keep going, keep your chin up, do not get sucked into her plot to either convert you or ostracize you.

[Tammyla]

Interesting acronym. You'll either need some rhino skin or a more inclusive playgroup.

 

As soon as she starts, just reply, "That's an interesting point of view!" Then change the topic. When you JADE (justify / answer / defend / explain), you enable her invasive ways.

 

I wouldn't leave the group if my child loved it.

[kchara]

I agree with contacting a supervisor if she has one. That's just out of line. Period. If she cornered me again, I'd give her a glazed over half smile that let her know in no uncertain terms that a) I'm only listening politely and b) her opinion is of so little value to me, I'm only using half of my brain to even bother. I've perfected that look, I think. ;)

[melissel]

While I agree with the others who say you need to set a clear boundary, it sounds to me like ECFE is all about institutionalized schooling, so I'm not surprised that she considers herself someone who needs to "educate" you about why your daughter needs school. I had never heard of the organization, so I looked it up and found this page:

 

http://www.ecfe.info/what_is_ecfe.html

 

"What is ECFE-Early Childhood Family Education?

Recognizing that parents are a child's first and most significant teachers, ECFE offers a variety of classes and resources for parents and children birth through kindergarten age. ECFE helps build healthy families and sets the stage for parent involvement and children’s success in Kindergarten to Grade 12 education.

 

What does a typical ECFE class include?

Most ECFE classes meet once a week and include:

 

Parent-Child Activity Time where families explore a classroom filled with developmentally appropriate play and learning activities planned by a licensed early childhood teacher.

 

Parent Discussion Time where parents meet with a licensed parent educator to share support, experiences and information about child development and parenting techniques.

 

Children’s Activity Time where children learn with the licensed early childhood teacher and paraprofessional and practice social skills as they interact with each other."

 

I wouldn't be surprised if she's wondering why you're in this particular group if you're planning on HSing. Not that that should matter, but I'd think that feeling strongly about the public school system is kind of a prerequisite for teaching/leading in this organization.

 

Hopefully you can get her to shut up about it and just enjoy your time in the group. If not, yes, I'd have to walk, which just totally stinks for both of you :(

 

ETA: Upon further review, I realized this program is administered by the MN Dept. of Education. I don't think this will be the only time you're going to encounter resistance if you stay in!

Edited April 13, 2011 by melissel

[melissel]

I agree with contacting a supervisor if she has one. That's just out of line. Period. If she cornered me again, I'd give her a glazed over half smile that let her know in no uncertain terms that a) I'm only listening politely and b) her opinion is of so little value to me, I'm only using half of my brain to even bother. I've perfected that look, I think. ;)

 

:lol: I like this. Or as someone suggested in another thread, you could just keep saying, "Great, thanks for letting me know" and move on!

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Yay! I'm a polar bear! Woot!

 

 

No your not, your a duck. Read your screen name :D :lol:

Edited April 13, 2011 by wy_kid_wrangler04

[elegantlion]

Is she the supervisor/owner of the place? If not, I'd be on the phone to someone complaining that you are being harassed at playgroup about your educational choices.

 

I agree. If you don't think the atmosphere of the group is conducive for other lifestyles, then I'd work to find another group.

 

If the group has some standard about how they're supposed to operate, I doubt being rude to you falls under acceptable behavior. :glare:

 

No your not your a duck. Read your screen name :D :lol:

 

I must be a lion then. Great. :D

[mommaduck]

Us ducks get confuddled sometimes ;)

[ocelotmom]

Can you join in with a local homeschool group for park days or age-appropriate activities, and then phase out of that playgroup when you have an alternative? I joined my old homeschool group when DS was 3.5 (hadn't planned to, but I ran into them coincidentally at the park, and immediately knew I'd found my tribe) - many homeschoolers have younger siblings, so we weren't particularly out of place.

 

Also, it was really helpful for both DS and I to have that established social support at the time kindergarten sign-ups came around!

[Cricket]

While I agree with the others who say you need to set a clear boundary, it sounds to me like ECFE is all about institutionalized schooling, so I'm not surprised that she considers herself someone who needs to "educate" you about why your daughter needs school. <snip>

 

Sounds like maybe one of the agendas of this playgroup is to catch those of us who fall through the cracks. :)

[LifeLovePassion]

We attend an ECFE class too (also in MN) and I agree, you need to speak to the ECFE supervisor. From my experience ECFE has been about learning through play with your children and a place for the kids to get messy and explore without me having to prep or clean up (best of both worlds). I don't see any problem with them asking if you had gotten preschool info, but beyond that it's not their business if or where you choose to preschool your children. It really is too bad you have a bad apple of a teacher.

 

Personally I'd keep going and ignore her if possible. Or simply state you don't wish to discuss it further.

Edited April 13, 2011 by LifeLovePassion

[Dmmetler]

I agree with looking for a HS group that has younger siblings of older kids. I joined my HS group when DD was 3, not so much out of intent to HS at the time, as that there were KIDS at the playground. LITTLE KIDS!! Ones she could PLAY with-and moms I could talk to. Three years later, we're still here, two of those girls are her best friends, and we're homeschooling :D.

[Pretty in Pink]

y problem is that the adult educator is rabidly anti-hs. She spent half of the class last week looking straight at me and telling me how public school is absolutely vital for children, children can't thrive when they're home with parents, and on and on. She even followed me out of the class afterward to tell me for ten minutes that you can't be a parent and an educator, so hsing moms aren't REALLY moms. You get the idea.

 

I don't know why she prattled on for ten full minutes after the class ended. :confused: Were I in your place, I would simply shut her down if the subject were ever brought up again: "You know, I feel like this horse is pretty much dead. Moving on."

 

Are the other mothers also rude? If not, I would continue to go. I can't imagine taking away something that meant so much to my child over one obnoxious adult. And if this woman kept it up after I put my foot down, I would tell her that she is being obnoxious. I wouldn't mince words. :grouphug:

 

ETA: Hmm...I have no idea what ECFE is, but from reading the previous replies it seems that maybe it is somehow affiliated with the PS machinery? If so, I would start looking for a different group of playmates.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Pretty in Pink

[Chris in VA]

We are BEES, remember? :D

 

Well DUH. :D

 

I'd find another group for next year, and just tell her you disagree and don't want to discuss it further, for the rest of this year.

If she persists in being an ass, I'd tell her she's inappropriate, being rude, and ignorant.

 

Well, no I wouldn't, but I'd back you up if you did.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Chris in VA

[Hedgehog]

How rude! Frankly, it's none of her darn business how your dd is educated, so I'd tell her to back off in no uncertain terms. You don't need that kind of garbage!

 

But, if after all your efforts to deal with this nut, she won't drop her bone, then I'd find another group. Your dd loves the group, yes, but she sounds like she is pretty sociable so I'm sure she'll have no difficulty slotting into another group, whether it be another toddler/preschool group or a HS group. What I've found with my dc is that when we moved house and therefore changed HS groups, they dove right into the new group and had a great time. Good luck to you!

[lionfamily1999]

Does this person have a supervisor you could go to? I would tell her to please stop. If she doesn't, go to the supervisor.

:iagree:

We are BEES, remember? :D

:lol: Respond with that (you're right, I stopped being a mother and now I'm a Bee) and she'll probably leave you alone.

You may want to remind this woman that part of the mission of EFEC is that "Recognizing that parents are a child's first and most significant teachers, ECFE offers a variety of classes and resources for parents and children birth through kindergarten age. ECFE helps build healthy families and sets the stage for parent involvement and children’s success in Kindergarten to Grade 12 education."

 

What she said is in direct conflict with the mission of ECFE - perhaps you can take that up with someone who is above her?

:D Informative post (in case the OP missed it).

[G5052]

If you think you can hang in there, start looking for an alternative and make the change when you can. Otherwise I'd make the break by planning something fun during the time you'd normally be there while looking for somewhere else to hang out. It sounds like it was good for your child, but not really for you, so you need to move sometime soon.

 

We were in a group like that with my firstborn that began as a "new baby" group that I truly treasured. Most of the members were very committed teachers who planned to have 2-3 kids and then go back to teaching, and some of them began to snipe at me when we began homeschool preschool. I was very surprised at this, but in retrospect should have known. We stepped away for awhile and then went back for a party when all of the kids were getting ready for kindergarten, and I knew then that we were done. Sometimes friendships change, and that group of friends weren't where we were anymore.

[Parrothead]

I'd be finding dd a best friend and schedule play times with the new friend. I'd also call a supervisor and let him/her know exactly why I wasn't coming back to the program.

[Joanne]

If you decide to keep going, here is my advanced version of Bean Dip for Mergath:

 

"We have different points of view. I am finished discussing this topic." Then smile big, it will drain some of the anger from your heart.

 

I'd start with the above.

 

If that doesn't work:

 

"Leader's name, I am telling you to stop. I am not discussing homeschool/public school with you."

 

If that doesn't work:

 

"Leader's name, your professionalism and boundaries are appalling. I will be contacting your agency to tell them of your continued and inappropriate badgering."

 

Whatever you do, *don't* make it about her content. The content is not the point; she is inappropriate and THAT is the point.