WWYD? Grocery clerk with special needs...

[specialmama]

What would you do?

 

I'd have words. Plenty o words.

[Jeanne in MN]

I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut either.

[Aggie]

"Shove the stuff up your ____" Love that woman!:lol:

[Guest lahmeh]

I'd be in jail! :angry:

[SonshineLearner]

Yup, my mom has asked me if I know when to NOT talk... oops... I would have probably been calling the cops :)

[Guest tracyinCA]

I would have said something to the customer and then scolded the cashier for keeping her mouth quiet. I try not to be too confrontational but I do get my point across and make people think of the actions.:glare:

[Ibbygirl]

Oh my gosh that brought me to tears! I'd probably go to jail if someone did that to my son. :crying:

[StephanieZ]

:iagree:

"Shove the stuff up your ____" Love that woman!:lol:

[katemary63]

I'd be in jail! :angry:

 

:iagree: Or the hospital. If I heard someone call a special needs person "retard" out loud I'd have to get physical. :cursing:

[wendylee]

I have a special needs son. If he is able to work at a grocery store when he is old enough, it will be hard for me to stay away because I will be so proud of him.

 

That being said, I think I should start contributing to a special "Get Mommy Out of Jail" fund, because if someone treated my son that way they would be having my fist in places they had never before experienced. :glare:

[Margo out of lurking]

This show has been very interesting to watch with my kids. We have a lot of great conversations based on what we see and different responses. It's been on Friday nights at 9 or 10. We haven't watched in a while, so I don't know if it's still on, or if we've been watching something else.

[Jennifer3141]

I LOVED those people that intervened. That teacher at the end was awesome. :D

[pdalley]

The bullies would have needed a surgeon to remove my foot from their rears. That would be my first impulse. I realize that it wouldn't help anything though. I want to react like that lovely teacher at the end.

 

Seriously though, I would have told her if she didn't like the service she was quite free to shop elsewhere. And I loved that lady - 'How dare you? If that was my kid I'd deck you!'

 

I like that the show. I like that there are people who will stand up for others. It's nice to see.

 

And I really want to hug Elvis.

Edited March 27, 2011 by pdalley

[DawnM]

Oh man, I am in tears. I get so angry at people who are mean.

 

Dawn

[Mama Geek]

This stuff is made up. It is meant to cause confrontation. I have seen this show and I think it is harmful. I would be extremely unhappy if I were witnessing something like this and found out it was staged. 99.9% of the people in this country understand what is socially acceptable and won't go as far as what this show does.

[NanceXToo]

This is a very touching video... and I have a special needs daughter, which makes it even more so for me.

 

I have to be totally honest though- I don't KNOW how I would react. I would be upset and disgusted and mad if I saw someone treating someone else like that... I would want to go off on them for it. But would I actually speak up and say something to that person? I don't know.

 

I would want to.

 

But I would kind of be afraid to, also.

 

If it were a woman like in the first scenario I might be likely to. I could hold my own against another woman I would think.

 

But to older teenaged boys? A grown man? If they were the kind of person who would say things like that... might they not also be the kind of people who could potentially follow you out of the store and cause physical harm to you if you were to say something negative directly to them? Don't we have to be careful of that, as women, and especially as women with kids...? I mean, you just never know with people these days. If they're high, violent, nuts, aggressive... that is a very real concern. I'd be more likely to say something privately to a manager, or to say something kind to the disabled person after the fact, than I would be to directly confront a strange man or older teenaged boy, as a woman/mom.

[JFSinIL]

I have a special needs son. If he is able to work at a grocery store when he is old enough, it will be hard for me to stay away because I will be so proud of him.

 

That being said, I think I should start contributing to a special "Get Mommy Out of Jail" fund, because if someone treated my son that way they would be having my fist in places they had never before experienced. :glare:

 

I'm with you! I only wish my Joe would be capable of working in a grocery store. I just shared that clip on my fb page!

[unsinkable]

This stuff is made up. It is meant to cause confrontation. I have seen this show and I think it is harmful. I would be extremely unhappy if I were witnessing something like this and found out it was staged. 99.9% of the people in this country understand what is socially acceptable and won't go as far as what this show does.

 

It's "made up" stuff that mimics real life. According to your theory, that leaves 3,000,000 people in this country who DON'T know what is socially acceptable.

 

There are more WWYD videos on the side bar of that page. I've BEEN in some of those situations. I needed someone on my side, to help me, to speak up for me. And didn't get it.

[TammyinTN]

I'm not usually a physical person, but I think I would have escorted them out the door. That kind of stuff makes my blood boil.

[Beetkvass]

Oh, boy, this just made me cry. I found it so so stressful to even watch. I think I would have been sick to my stomach if I'd been there.

[Dmmetler]

I'd probably react in a way that I wouldn't be proud of later, because I'd have to explain to my daughter that while I've always told her we don't settle disagreements with violence, that woman really, really NEEDED to be hit!

 

There is a wonderful man who works at our local grocery store who has developmental delays, and I can say that he is probably the best bagger that they have-because he's SO careful in what he does. Most of the rest are college or high school kids, and they're not. I use reusable bags, and have a few that are insulated for refrigerated and frozen foods, and he's careful to make sure the cold items get into those bags, that meats are bagged separately and are nowhere near anything that's eaten without being cooked, and that non-foods are separate. What's more, he asked which bags I used for what items the first few times I went through the line, and now remembers them.

 

He's good at his job, and he takes obvious pride in his job.

[goldberry]

Thanks for posting this. I am sending out to everyone I know, with the titile "Which Person Would You Be?"

[MyBlueLobsters]

This stuff is made up. It is meant to cause confrontation. I have seen this show and I think it is harmful. I would be extremely unhappy if I were witnessing something like this and found out it was staged. 99.9% of the people in this country understand what is socially acceptable and won't go as far as what this show does.

 

 

I respectfully disagree with your comment. (I mean, yes it's staged, but unfortunately, 99.9% of Americans do NOT seem to know what is socially acceptable) I have a son with Down syndrome and you'd be surprised what people feel they can say to a parent pushing a child with DS around in a cart. I've been on the receiving end of some horrible comments. Most comments are positive, but trust me, things like what happened in this show are more common than you'd like to think. I never knew until Logan was born just how often these types of situations can happen.

[arghmatey]

I don't have anything bad to say about the people who didn't defend him, but I would say something. I think people are taught to obey and conform for the purpose of fitting in, and when you mix that with a common lack of good judgment, it leads to dangerous (to society) inaction.

 

There are a handful of exceptions I allow myself for turning the other cheek, and this would be one of them. I do not tolerate rudeness, and I combat it in varying degrees, even if that means I end up being rude.

 

Witnessing the treatment of this young man would drive me over the edge--but not to violence.

[Lovedtodeath]

I would likely talk to the cashier, and the victim of this treatment in front of the perpetrator, to show my support for the victim (loudly), but not talk to the perpetrator themselves.

 

And I also think about asking the perp if they would rather support the person with their tax dollars in order to keep them from having jobs?

[cin]

Thanks for posting this. I am sending out to everyone I know, with the titile "Which Person Would You Be?"

 

 

Me too.

 

I'd probably react like the lady in the fur coat. Make loud demeaning comments after he was gone, to show my support of the bagger. Let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I think he (the bagger) is a WONDERFUL guy. If it was another woman, I might say something that is more conversational than confrontational, but definitely showing my disagreement.

Edited March 27, 2011 by cin

[justamouse]

I the only thing that gave me the strength to watch that was knowing that they were actors.

 

What would I do? A rash of &%$# comes to mind. And I wouldn't hesitate to say something becuse I have a big mouth like that.

 

And, I'm not fond of the term 'social acceptability' in cases like this because it still implies that in certain circumstances, behavior like that IS acceptable. It's it morally objectionable to treat another human being like that.

[Scuff]

I don't think I'd be able to say anything because I'd be too mad.

[May]

I couldn't have held back on showing my displeasure. I've worked with many kids with various disabilites and couldn't let something like this pass by.

[Scuff]

This is a very touching video... and I have a special needs daughter, which makes it even more so for me.

 

I have to be totally honest though- I don't KNOW how I would react. I would be upset and disgusted and mad if I saw someone treating someone else like that... I would want to go off on them for it. But would I actually speak up and say something to that person? I don't know.

 

I would want to.

 

But I would kind of be afraid to, also.

 

If it were a woman like in the first scenario I might be likely to. I could hold my own against another woman I would think.

 

But to older teenaged boys? A grown man? If they were the kind of person who would say things like that... might they not also be the kind of people who could potentially follow you out of the store and cause physical harm to you if you were to say something negative directly to them? Don't we have to be careful of that, as women, and especially as women with kids...? I mean, you just never know with people these days. If they're high, violent, nuts, aggressive... that is a very real concern. I'd be more likely to say something privately to a manager, or to say something kind to the disabled person after the fact, than I would be to directly confront a strange man or older teenaged boy, as a woman/mom.

 

I thought about that too. I don't think I would've said anything to the man. The teenagers I'd see more as kids and have no problem telling them what to do. :lol: (they don't make me as angry either, as kids who still need to learn) The woman I could talk to. But I think I'd be so mad I'd be shaking and almost to tears, so I'd probably not get much out.

[Nakia]

I've seen that video before, and it made me just as mad now as it did then. I'm pretty certain I would show my butt if I saw someone treating anyone that way. I think the first and last ladies to stand up for the young man handled it well. I would probably react like the lady who told the teen to shove his stuff up his @ss. :glare:

[bbmom]

I would feel the need to say something-not sure if it would be eloquent or even comprehensible I would be so mad, but something would get said-I don't think anyone is going to attack you in the grocery store checkout line so I would not be worried for my safety or the safety of my children, and wouldn't be able to live with the lesson I would teach them if I stayed silent.

 

"First they came for the communists..."

[dsmama]

I remember when this show aired on TV. It made me SOOO sad. I have a son with Down syndrome, and I can't believe that there are people who still use words like those used in the video.

 

I hope that if my son is ever bullied in this way, some brave, kind person will stick up for him.

[Murphy101]

Okay....

 

First, I'm not surprised some people are turds. Really no shock there. I think of the rude and inappropriate comments I get when my large family goes to the grocery store and figure those same people say plenty of other rude and inappropriate stuff to other people too.

 

Second, MANY people, usually older folks, do not view retarded as a slur for a factual situation. It is still the official dx term for some conditions. Obviously these examples it was intended to be hateful and is not at all excusable. I'm just saying the word retarded in and of itself would not anger me if used in appropriate context.

 

Third, Wow. A place that still has baggers? I haven't seen one of those in years! Here the cashiers do it as they run items over the scanner. We always try to load our stuff on the belt in the order we want it bagged for this reason. I'd be so stunned at having a bagger other than the cashier or my boys, that I'd probably just stare in wonder for at least a few minutes.

 

Fourth, I think people who can do the job should be hired to do the job. I have no doubt many LD people can do many different jobs. For that matter, they might even do a BETTER job sometimes! But when they can't, it becomes a point of providing customer service which any patron should reasonably expect.

 

If she thought he was too slow or damaging her purchases, then she should have just nicely started helping to pack up and made a mental note to shop elsewhere when she is in a hurry or buying stuff she doesn't want trashed when bagged. (I have a HUGE peeve about my produce or bread getting damaged in transit.:) ) Problem solved. No need to be a turd, much less act to verbally violent about it. Geez. Those actor customers were acting mentally unfit themselves! Over how their stuff was bagged?:001_huh: Maybe THAT is why so many didn't say anything to what was obviously an unbalanced customer?

 

If I saw someone speaking to another that way, it wouldn't matter if they were LD or not. I'd probably say something like, "I feel bad for him as it is obvious he is doing his cheerful best at a job that requires someone much faster than he is, but your being so hateful isn't going to make him any faster. So just start bagging your own crap and move on. In the time you have been raving like a lunatic, you could have bagged it yourself and been gone already." And I'd probably suggest the young man move on to another cashier table to help a customer who isn't an a$$.

 

I've been frustrated when an employee somewhere I'm shopping obviously doesn't have basic skills to do the job. I get that. It sucks for both parties. (I personally think everyone wants a job they feel successful doing.) But there is no reason to be hateful about it. I just go elsewhere.

 

The customers were just acting crazy to me and I can see how other customers would be worried about further angering the obvious lunatic in front of them. If I didn't feel comfortable confronting her, I would probably make my boys bag her stuff and tell the bagger he has earned a break and to go help another cashier. Just to get her the heck out of MY way.:tongue_smilie:

[helena]

I know I would say something because I've been in similar situations and went off. But, once I found out it was staged, I would have gone off on the host (or what ever that guy is). Is this a TV show?

 

I would be livid that someone put me in a situation where as far as I'm concerned I'm risking physical attack to speak up for someone. Not to mention I have Lupus and the whole ordeal (real or staged) would cause a flare. I have been punched in the face by a male, I've been physically and verbally assaulted more than once in public places. I think it's irresponsible to test peoples reactions to speak up for someone with special needs, but not acknowledge that women are putting themselves at risk going up against volatile men.

 

The whole thing made my stomach churn.

Edited March 27, 2011 by helena

[Nestof3]

Honestly, I keep my mouth shut on a lot of things in public. I was at Denny's once watching the couple smoking in the booth with their kids -- blowing it in their faces and everything. It's a good thing I didn't do what I wanted to do. What good would it do for me to go up and say something? Do you think the parents didn't know it was harmful to their children?

 

If this had happened to me, I probably wouldn't have said anything to the lady -- but I may. If she asked my opinion, I would definitely have given it. Once the lady left, I would probably have apologized to the bagger for her ignorance. I doubt saying anything would change her.

 

I do tire of people in the workplace who act like they have no energy to perform their tasks or who complain about how tired they are or tell me how many hours left they have of work. My motto has always been to give your employer and customers your best. These sorts of situations are completley different.

[yellowperch]

I would respond, and I'd like to think I'd keep the bagger in mind rather just go off on a rant. Maybe I'd call the shopper out but then direct my conversation to the bagger who I imagine would appreciate kind words, or if I were really on my game, a really funny comment about the shopper. But talking about someone in front of them is bad manners, no? I don't think I would care.

 

My 5 foot tall, 66 year old mother, however, would have picked any of those shoppers up and carried them out of the store, tossing them on the sidewalk. She would really be enraged.

 

I think women speak up not only because they are mothers but also because they don't have to fear that the altercation could get physical. It could, of course. But it isn't as likely.

[Belacqua]

I have a special needs son. If he is able to work at a grocery store when he is old enough, it will be hard for me to stay away because I will be so proud of him.

 

That's such a great image.

 

"Mom, you've already been through my line twice today."

 

"Well, we needed kumquats!"

 

I love the woman in the experiment who says, "There's something dreadfully wrong with you." She says it so matter-of-factly.

[pdalley]

I couldn't stay quiet. I did that once - a friend of mine was taking care of her mother in her home (mother had a stroke) and a woman at a baby shower asked my friend when 'she was going to give it up and stick her in a nursing home already.'

 

I said nothing. No one did. We were all shocked. My friend's mother did not require that type of care. This woman went on saying she could never do something like that - she had a life... it was awful.

 

It haunted my friend. It haunts me.

 

Her darling mother lived ten years after that thoughtless remark and was just a blessing to every person who knew her.

 

I made a promise to myself that I would not sit by and let someone make such remarks to a person. I am going to call them out on it.

 

If I saw some one being mistreated - special needs or not - I would speak up. (Perhaps this hits closer to home because I do have three special needs boys)

[myfunnybunch]

I would certainly have spoken up. There's no doubt in my mind.

 

But my response was similar to helena's. I'd have been livid at the show. Not because of fear of attack after speaking up, but because it was so awful to watch that young man being abused so terribly. I was in tears watching that video, even knowing it was staged.

 

To have staged something like that for television....I don't find it entertaining.

 

Cat

[yellowperch]

I've come back to add: I agree that the premise of the show is poor. I don't like television in general and this is one more example of why. It's not that I think we shouldn't look at ourselves in the mirror--we should--but this is just a weird way to do it.

[Belacqua]

I was also really uncomfortable with the idea of people saying those things, over and over as they filmed different scenarios, to the young man playing the bagger. I know he's an actor, as were the customers, but they were saying things he's probably likely to hear in real life, from people who aren't acting. It just didn't sit right with me.

[Lovedtodeath]

I was also really uncomfortable with the idea of people saying those things, over and over as they filmed different scenarios, to the young man playing the bagger. I know he's an actor, as were the customers, but they were saying things he's probably likely to hear in real life, from people who aren't acting. It just didn't sit right with me.

:iagree::(

[Giraffe]

Couldn't even watch the video. If I saw it happen in real life there would be h-e-double-toothpicks to pay.

 

I'm going to be p*ssed off the rest of the afternoon now. Grrrrr.....

[NanceXToo]

I would feel the need to say something-not sure if it would be eloquent or even comprehensible I would be so mad, but something would get said-I don't think anyone is going to attack you in the grocery store checkout line so I would not be worried for my safety or the safety of my children, and wouldn't be able to live with the lesson I would teach them if I stayed silent.

 

"First they came for the communists..."

 

No, they probably wouldn't attack you in the grocery store checkout line. But what's to say someone wouldn't follow you out to your car, catch you in the parking lot, and start intimidating or getting aggressive or even violent with you.... you just never know these days.

 

I would teach my children to treat people with respect themselves, not to participate in or laugh at someone mistreating someone else who is disabled and so on. To get help if need be (you can always go discretely over to a manager, security guard, etc). But to confront a strange man who is already acting somewhat aggressive or unbalanced in manner? No. I wouldn't teach them to do that.

 

Third, Wow. A place that still has baggers? I haven't seen one of those in years! Here the cashiers do it as they run items over the scanner. We always try to load our stuff on the belt in the order we want it bagged for this reason. I'd be so stunned at having a bagger other than the cashier or my boys, that I'd probably just stare in wonder for at least a few minutes.

 

LOL...we have baggers where I live.

[myfunnybunch]

LOL...we have baggers where I live.

 

Totally ot, but we do too. Usually they are high school students who bag groceries, clean up spills, run errands, collect the carts...the work all the checkers are too busy to do.

 

As a matter of fact, both grocery stores we shop at regularly employ people with disabilities as baggers. They may not always be speedy, but they are conscientious and friendly and do their jobs well.

 

I think I would incensed to see any employee berated like that by a customer. People are people and deserve to be treated with respect.

 

Cat

[Remudamom]

I'd want to hit someone with something in my cart. I know three DS children, and that makes my blood boil.

 

Let's see, the two teens, maybe just ram my cart into them and hope they stayed down??

 

Three cheers for the women and the one guy who stood up for him. What's with those other wussies?

[pqr]

I'd want to hit someone with something in my cart. I know three DS children, and that makes my blood boil.

 

Let's see, the two teens, maybe just ram my cart into them and hope they stayed down??

 

Three cheers for the women and the one guy who stood up for him. What's with those other wussies?

 

 

Remundamom,

 

Having read your posts I think they might be lucky if ALL you did was ram them.....very lucky.

[Remudamom]

Someone mentioned the word "retarded". We grew up with a girl whom we referred to as retarded. She had so many disabilities that that was the only word that seemed to work. We were so fond of her, and loved having her over. She died at 13, from complications that were too numerous to count.

 

To me there is a big difference in "retarded" and "retard". We had no other word to emcompass dear Louise's disabilities. (back in the 70s)

[KidsHappen]

I am crazy so I have absolutely no problem confronting people in public situations. I have watched this show a few times and I have to say that I am absolutely amazed at the amount of people that don't say anything. However, I am not surprised at the number of second responders. I studied sociology and it is a well studied fact that people are more likely to join in supporting someone who has spoken up than they are to be the first person who spoke up. Surprisingly, given the physical risks, women are more likely to speak up than men.

 

I watched the breastfeeding one in the side bar and I have to say that I was impressed with the amount of people who spoke up. I watched an episode at my dd;s house about a baby being left in the car alone on a hot day and I was absolutely dumbfounded at the amount of people who did nothing at all.

 

Yes, these shows are terrible in the way the set people up but I also think that they serve an important social function in alerting people to potentially inappropraite or risky behavior and how many people aren't going to do or say anything and therefore why it is so important for others to speak out or intervene.