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What if your dh REALLY wanted you to homeschool but....


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you did NOT want to?

 

There are lots of threads here that ask about how to handle it when you want to homeschool your children but your dh is less than supportive. But what if it were the other way around?

 

What if your dh felt VERY strongly that your children should be homeschooled but you (for whatever reason) really didn't want to? Let's say you are a SAHM or could afford to be one. You don't have any major health issues standing in your way. Your kids don't have any major health challenges that would make it extra difficult.

 

You just don't want to.

 

Would you do it to please your dh or would you tell him forget it and put them in public school?

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We were this family.

 

I was working and enjoyed my job very much and my kids were in daycare/preschool and I enrolled my oldest is a magnet program for K so I was quite happy he got in and was all set.

 

Then DH started praying. ;)

 

Around July I found out about a part time charter school that was a part hs and part school program. It appealed to me as I could work part time and hs part time.

 

Long story short.....we did that for almost a year before the school fell apart, but by then, I was fully convicted to homeschool my kids at least for that next year. I worked part time until we moved from Los Angeles 5 years ago.

 

We still take it year by year, but ultimately, I do see us homeschooling long term unless something comes up that is a fantastic schooling opportunity that we all agree on.

 

Dawn

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I'll play! This was me too! I was a SAHM and dh really wanted us to homeschool. He knew a number of families in seminary who homeschooled and he saw the closeness. He brought it up a number of times and I just kept saying NO! I couldn't imagine staying home all day with my kids! I was looking forward to having them all in school and meeting up with friends or going back to school.

 

Then, we lived in an area where there was NO way I was going to send them to school. I started researching it. I was going to do it for ONE year. That was it. But, by then, it was working. And, ds was way ahead of where he'd have been in the PS. We moved. They had a gifted program. I was going to homeschool until the gifted program started. But, by then I didn't want to send them to school!!

 

And, here we are! Oldest is in 10th grade.

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I wouldn't do it just to please him, but I would try to find a compromise. Maybe try it for 1 year. Or try it for 1 year while using an involved co-op (like Classical Conversations or something that was 2 days a week.)

 

I think dad should have input, but if I gave it a good effort and was miserable, I would want him to back me on putting them in school.

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I'm one of those who views homeschooling (major decision), like having a baby. Both parents need to be on-board. Now, yes, you can't always "plan" your babies ;), but if the mom is adamant she *doesn't* want to homeschool, dh needs to pray for a change in her heart, not force it.

 

If the dh wants to try to encourage this, HE could plan and lead an evening family time, and HE could talk to his wife about her reasons (non-judgemental, just listen...), and HE could research some different options and during one of those conversations, tell her about the reasons why he thinks the children should be homeschooled.

 

But, if the mamma isn't on-board, and he makes a command decision, she will probably not only resent it, but won't work with the children to accomplish what needs to be accomplished, or do so grudgingly... and all of the "family closeness" he was hoping for will just not happen.

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I think dad should have input, but if I gave it a good effort and was miserable, I would want him to back me on putting them in school.

 

I guess i agree with the above, although I can't really imagine that situation for myself. There are always other options though, if Dad is really set on hs i'm sure he could find a way to pull-off SAH/WAHD or there are always private tutors. I've read a few articles in in hs magazines by parents who managed a few years of homeschooling while both working fulltime so f that can work it could conceivably work without much involvement from SAHM too.

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My husband always felt I was a better teacher for my children. He asked if I wanted to homeschool. I seriously laughed. I struggled through almost 4 years of torment in public school. I went to "volunteer" to figure out why and how they were teaching so I could help my children do their 2-3 hours of homework in elementary school. I would make the statement, I can teach them why can't the teacher over and over.

My husband would agree and tell me, how good I was with them, that they got what I explained, how I explained. I spent eons of time researching learning styles.

But I faithfully, drove them to public school. I loved school. I was a public school kid!

I thought perhaps I could take them out of school a few hours early, then the homework would not be so daunting. The teachers agreed, and in the AM they had my kids working with other kids, since they were going to do their work later at home. That infuriated me.

Getting mad brought me to homeschool. That and my husbands complete support. The first year, keeping my mad was at many times the only reason I kept going. Mad turned to pride and that pride finally broke and I just surrendered to be a homeschool mom. Then came the guilt.

The guilt is easing I didn't just bring them home at first, as the huge holes I missed are filled in and the laughter in our home during school is heard. I miss MY time. But they are older now, and I do get that, just not in the huge chunks I used too.

 

 

an analogy-I decided to become healthy, for me and for my family. began walking, it hurt, I cried. I am done 45 pounds in my 100 pound goal. Running now,not a lot, because it hurts more. But no tears, I am pressing it in, because I know I will feel better and my life will be better health wise. I can now run with my kids, wrestle and even go on the trampoline!

I didn't want to walk or change my eating habits, I still fight it EVERYday to give up and just quit. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we want to do, when others need you more.

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In my family it started out as a joint decision. We both felt it was best for our kids and I knew God called us to homeschool. Throughout the years there have been years where I adamantly wanted our kids to be in a private Christian school for at least a year. I had health problems and too many of them...too few of me. Plus, I have to work about 30 hours a week...which is flexible, but still takes me away from school planning etc.

 

Anyway, dh was terribly opposed to sending them into school and greatly discouraged the decision (which was truly mine since I am the one who does all the schooling, planning, buying materials etc.) After considering his feelings, I always caved and said...ok...one more year.

 

I am glad I caved. LOL. I think of all the time I got to spend with my kids that I would other wise not have...and how blessed I am.

 

I guess my perspective has changed from homeschooling being 'what we do" to homeschooling being a part of our lifestyle.

 

Faithe

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I think the key would be whether or not I had a very fulfilling career going that I would be giving up. Knowing myself, I'd try anything my dh felt really strongly about--and I think he'd do the same for me. He's very persuasive, anyhow. LOL ;)

 

If he made it worth my while... hehe He'd be the kind of guy to stay home and try it himself, though, too.

 

I'd at least try it! And I'd probably end up enjoying the challenge enough to continue at least through elementary if not middle school. It's a tough question because my beliefs about what's better for children would not necessarily change if our marriage/work dynamic were a bit different. I think I'd have these philosophies regardless and so I'd be planning to be pretty involved in my kids' educations already, kwim? Knowing myself, homeschooling would have been on my radar so not such a far-fetched idea. I can't imagine being a mom who just puts my kids in school and does my own thing all day without thinking further about whether they're experiencing the best that they deserve in life and in education. (I know that not all ps moms are that mom.) I dunno. Tough question!

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A friend and I have been talking about this situation, too. We are both at a point where we still like having our kids around, still want to homeschool, but no longer want to do the work involved in homeschooling. We have each pursued a different "homeschool resource." Essentially part-time school--our state doesn't recognize these programs as schools, though. We're fortunate to have a number of resources like this available. Each has a different flavor, but all are Christian programs. I'm not sure there are any secular resources like this around here.

 

My older ds (10th gr) takes all his classes at the school or online. Younger ds (7th gr) presently takes half at the school and half at home. Dd is a K'er and I will still homeschool her. Probably at least through 6th grade. Probably. I don't actually like any of the programs/resources we have here for elementary students.

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This was us too....when my husband first brought up the topic, my oldest was about to go into preschool, we had a VERY active 4 year old and we had just had a baby...(2 months before) and there was NO way that I was going to try to teach our daughter in that environment...so I shut down that topic VERY fast and never planned to look at it again. And my husband, being VERY wise...never brought it up again...but about 2 years later in August I found myself in a conversation with a dear friend of ours that used to homeschool and from that moment on, I found I couldn't NOT think of it...it was in my head and no matter what I did, I couldn't get it out of my head...and the funny thing is, during that 2 years, my friend had homeschooled, we had talked MANY times about homeschool and other topics...but until that very afternoon in August (for no other reason than the Lord leading us) I never put us into the Homeschooling category. And then what was more frustrating than anything, the 2 older kids were tot start PS in a week...and I was not ready by any means to begin HSing...so we decided to start mid-year...and have never looked back...other than to reflect on what might have been and we are so happy we aren't in that situation anymore.

 

But that being said, if the very person who is to be the teacher, doesn't want to be the teacher, that won't be the best for anybody...especially the kids. I truely believe that both parents have to be on board with this AND on the same page about style and goals.

 

I am assuming that the OP has a real person she is referring in this situation, so I pray that the husband is patient and willing to not push.

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We were this family. I was a SAHM and DH has always wanted to hs, but I was VERY against it. I was too selfish at the time. I was afraid to give up the "free" time I had when KK went to ps for kindergarten. I also had a newborn and serious PPD. It didnt help that every time I would mention it to my mom, she would be completely unsupportive and tell me I couldn't handle it and it would be a big mistake.

 

But, DH never gave up. He would casually mention it often to keep the thought in the back of my mind. He would bring up the positive aspects of hs'ing and point out the fact that if I didnt like what was going on in ps, I had the option to take control and hs.

 

It took me 4 yrs and the opportunity to meet another hs mom and this forum to change my mind! I wish all that had happened four years ago :tongue_smilie: It took me a month before I finally told my mom I had decided to hs and before I told her, I said, "I am going to tell you something I am very excited about and I do not want to hear your negativity! Just listen!"

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We were in this situation. The kids were in a private school that I felt was doing a perfectly adequate job. We were quite happy with the community there, too. So I said if it isn't broke why are we trying to fix it? I did however promise him I would research homeschooling.

 

The research convinced me we could do better than the private school.

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My husband feels very strongly that our children should never ever go to public school. I'm not sure the lengths he would go to to make sure that never happened, and I'm afraid to find out. :) Me, I don't see it as the end of the world, but certainly homeschooling is a better option. It's just simply not what I intended to be doing with my life at this point. But I'm making the best of it. I don't want to get to a point where I'm hating it on a daily basis, and he has to figure out how to deal with balancing his very strongly held convictions (my husband doesn't have convictions that aren't very strongly held :glare:) against what is realistic or practical for our family (if I was refusing to homeschool them).

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That was us. We lived in a bad district so I agreed to try it for a year. Complete failure! The saying "if Mamma ain't happy nobody's happy" was a perfect fit for us for those 5 months. We moved to a better district and the first thing I did was enroll them in school. Turns out I missed the little noisemakers. My attitude changed big time and now I kinda like it.

 

My point is that hs'ing just won't work if Mom isn't on board. Dad needs to figure out if this is a battle worth fighting and a way to get Mom to come around.

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This was our family. From the very beginning DH wanted me to HS. I'm a WAHM, and I couldn't imagine homeschooling and working. I had all the usual excuses: 'what about socialization?', 'the kids would drive me crazy spending so much time with them', 'I'll never be able to teach them to read or do math', etc. So I compromised and sent them to private school.

 

When the money dried up, we were left with public school or homeschooling. Honestly, I was a wreck knowing that the only real choice we had was hs. I cried. I refused to even pray about it. I was firmly planted in my willful ignorance and defiance.

 

But then, I started researching online. I lurked here and began to see things differently. I found out there are a LOT more people homeschooling than I ever imagined. I looked at different curricula and narrowed down the two programs I felt most comfortable with. I resolved that I was going to do this, and I was going to do it well.

 

As we continue our journey in HS, I'm gaining more and more confidence in my ability to do this. It's my goal to eventually ween myself off of the videos my kids watch to teaching them myself.

 

Funny sidenote: I mentioned to my stepmom a few days ago that if our financial situation were to pick up, I might put the boys back in private school and get more involved with our business. And she replied, "I hope that you succeed financially, but I really hope you continue to homeschool." She tells me that just by reading what we do in my blog, that my boys are getting a far richer education than my niece and nephew (of the same ages) who go to public school. So I guess we'll be in this for the long-haul. :)

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DH and I had never considered homeschooling. I am guilty of saying "I could never do that," et al. I had intended on going back to college as soon as both were in school all day. But when my younger DS went to 1st grade all day - it was a nightmare. Honestly, it is more work to deal with the school and help with homework than it is to homeschool at times :)

We agreed to try it for a year (both of us had no idea what we were doing, and no clue if it was the right choice). We have never regretted it.

I don't think anyone can know what it is really like until you've done it for a while, so trying it out and agreeing to only one school year at a time may work well.

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you did NOT want to?

 

There are lots of threads here that ask about how to handle it when you want to homeschool your children but your dh is less than supportive. But what if it were the other way around?

 

What if your dh felt VERY strongly that your children should be homeschooled but you (for whatever reason) really didn't want to? Let's say you are a SAHM or could afford to be one. You don't have any major health issues standing in your way. Your kids don't have any major health challenges that would make it extra difficult.

 

You just don't want to.

 

Would you do it to please your dh or would you tell him forget it and put them in public school?

 

I haven't read any other replies yet. Yes, I would do it, out of respect for dh's position as the head of our household. :)

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No way. I think the primary homeschooling parent needs to be fully enthused & inspired. In general, I don't think one parent should push the other to do something like that. It's just not right to force parenting on anyone. Hs'ing is parenting on a very intense level, and I think each person must embrace it for it to succeed. To push that huge responsibility on anyone who isn't called to it is just cruel, IMHO.

 

(If the dh is super motivated, he'd probably be able to find a way to get the dw on board eventually. I.e., taking over cooking supper, taking the kids away for the day every Saturday so Mom can have alone time, taking care of getting them up/dressed/fed in the morning, helping organize books, taking over a subject or two, doing school stuff in the evenings/weekends/field trips)

 

The only exception I'd feel is if schooling had been discussed & agreed upon prior to having the kids. If there was an agreed to plan -- breastfeeding, homeschooling, SAHM, etc, then I think both parents need to honor that to the extent they are capable of doing so w/o compromising their own mental health and/or doing poorly by the kids. (I.e., even if you agreed/planned to bf, it's OK to quit after your 3rd round of mastitis in 3 months, or to decide not to hs after your 3rd set of OOPS twins in 4 years or your health takes a dive. . .It's OK to ask your wife to get a temporary job to help with the bills if your pay has been cut & you've run out of ways to earn more, but your wife has great earning power and a convenient job to take . . .)

 

Otherwise, no, I think it should be up to the primary caretaker to make the call, in consultation with & respecting the thoughts of the working spouse.

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For me the key would be what God wanted. If I thought that God really wanted me to homeschool and I didn't I would hs and put my all into making it work. However, if my dh's desire wasn't in alignment with God, then I wouldn't homeschool just because my dh wanted me to. I would keep praying for unity for the two of us.

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We were this family.

 

DH wanted me to HS from the start.... or at least from the point where it became obvious that our school system was subpar. I, on the other hand, wanted to keep my career going full force and trust that DS would run into some good teachers along the way. Alas, after kindergarten things started really going downhill for DS and ultimately I came to see that the best choice for academics was HS'ing.

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I'm kinda in this category. My dh was the one who ultimately pulled our ds from school. We dealt with issue after issue after issue with the schools here with DS that it was dh who finally pulled the trigger. I was not 100% committed. It's been 4 years now and I really want to go back to work. We had dd in K and it was as miserable an experience as it was with DS, so she never went back. Now I have all 3 kids home. It's not my first choice, but it's the only choice and I had to be nudged into this direction. We cannot afford private at the moment and we had two negative public school experiences (at 2 different area schools).

I see a light at the end of the tunnel though, I know we will ultimately be moving out of the area.

Edited by cjbeach
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you did NOT want to?

 

There are lots of threads here that ask about how to handle it when you want to homeschool your children but your dh is less than supportive. But what if it were the other way around?

 

What if your dh felt VERY strongly that your children should be homeschooled but you (for whatever reason) really didn't want to? Let's say you are a SAHM or could afford to be one. You don't have any major health issues standing in your way. Your kids don't have any major health challenges that would make it extra difficult.

 

You just don't want to.

 

Would you do it to please your dh or would you tell him forget it and put them in public school?

 

Hmmm.... That's a good one. I think if one tried to HS and didn't want to it might end badly. Maybe to try to work together, one could try doing extra curricular stuff after school and/or on weekends. It might help. That way you would be showing you're willing to bend by trying it a bit, but not going full in. Also, DH has to know that if it's not a must, it's up to the wife in the end- if she is the one doing it. Would he like it if you said, "Hey, I know you like what you're doing, but I think you need to go into the _______ profession."

Put yourselves in each other's shoes.

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If I didn't want to homeschool, I would not do it. Period. End of discussion.

 

If my dh felt incredibly strongly about it, he'd have to find a way to do the homeschooling, or hire tutors to do it.

 

Fortunately for us, that's not the case, and homeschooling was my idea, but if I didn't want to do something that involved a big commitment (and homeschooling would definitely qualify as a big commitment!) I would just say no. I can compromise on little things, but on something I would be doing against my will for months or years -- no way.

 

Cat

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The dad who wants to talk a mom into homeschooling had better be ready and able to spell out exactly how he will help - both with finding resources/planning AND in teaching whatever topic freaks Mom the most (or finding and paying for a decent "teacher-in-a-can" program, like Chalkdust, etc. for math). And he had best be able to follow-through. Mom has to know it will be a TEAM effort to educate the kidlets.

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I would try to come to a compromise. For instance, agree to homeschool through a certain grade and then have him agree to send the kids to school for the others - even let him choose the school (private/public, etc). But if my heart wasn't in homeschooling my kids, I am not sure I would do a much better job that the school system. I think it really has to be a calling and something your heart is into. Otherwise, how can you weather the storms that are sure to come?

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If he VERY much wanted me to HS the kids...and I didn't really want to...his feelings being extreme and mine not nearly as strong...then I would be willing to make some compromises.

 

He must be willing to make sure my needs were met kwim. Time with other adults, personal space, a break from the 24/7 parenting, household help, quality curricula, outsourced classes as needed/wanted, etc... Whatever reasons you are hesitant to HS need to be addressed seriously.

 

If I strongly felt like this was not something I could do and maintain my own health at all, then I would simply say no. If he feels THAT strongly about it, then he needs to make the sacrifices to do it himself...or hire a tutor/nanny.

 

For me, it comes down to the reasons why you both do and don't want to HS...what is the most reasonable way to meet the most intense desires of both.

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you did NOT want to?

 

There are lots of threads here that ask about how to handle it when you want to homeschool your children but your dh is less than supportive. But what if it were the other way around?

 

What if your dh felt VERY strongly that your children should be homeschooled but you (for whatever reason) really didn't want to? Let's say you are a SAHM or could afford to be one. You don't have any major health issues standing in your way. Your kids don't have any major health challenges that would make it extra difficult.

 

You just don't want to.

 

Would you do it to please your dh or would you tell him forget it and put them in public school?

 

I would say that one spouse's "VERY" strong desire to have the children homeschooled (presumably on principled grounds) would trump another's feeling of just not feeling like it. I would do it to please my husband, and on the basis that a principled stance carries more weight than a simple preference.

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I would say that one spouse's "VERY" strong desire to have the children homeschooled (presumably on principled grounds) would trump another's feeling of just not feeling like it. I would do it to please my husband, and on the basis that a principled stance carries more weight than a simple preference.

 

But would you be able to do it well, and with a good attitude, knowing that the next 12+ years of your life would have to be dedicated to something you didn't want to do?

 

Homeschooling is unlike many other commitments, mainly because it's at home, and there's no escape from it much of the time. It's not like having a regular job you don't like, because at 5:00 (or whatever,) you get to go home and relax. With homeschooling, the job really never ends, and you're there with those kids almost 24/7.

 

If you made the sacrifice and homeschooled, even though you didn't want to, wouldn't the resentment keep building over time until you were no longer the wife and mom you wanted to be? (I'm assuming that the "job" didn't grow on you, and you kept disliking it.)

 

I know I'd be a real witch to live with, if I had to do something I hated every day.

 

Cat

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This is us. DD9 has alot of issues that drive me crazy. I mean some days, I am literally locking myself in the bedroom after lunch. Adult TV, books, telephone conversations, etc. ANYTHING but battling an emotional, disorganzied, chatty 9 yr old. (It's been this way for YEARS. It's NOT puberty. I don't EVEN want to THINK about that!!!)

 

We came to an agreement. There is a 'drop & run' co-op in our neighborhood that meets on Wed. Our kids are there All day. 10-4. In the MIDDLE of the week. A VERY nice break! AND, I pick curriculums that are not teacher intensive. We do not do unit studies, Charlotte Mason, or any of that stuff. we do the next page in the book. Relatively little prep and minimal interaction.

 

don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids and I enjoy family dinnertime, summertime sitting outside watching them play, I've loved watching them play in the snow and having hot chocolate and cookies ready for them when they come in and talking to them about what they did/built.

 

It's getting better now, after much testing and a year of OT, and much praying and gnashing of teeth. And I am in agreement with DH only because I know that dd9 would NOT get what she needed in PS. At least at home, I can work with her if she doesn't understand something, and she has the option of a re-do. (She will NOT ask for help. PERIOD) And if she loses something, we can work on finding it, retracing steps, etc. And she gets a little more grace than in the schools. And she can read non-stop, which she LOVES to do. So in that sense, I'm on board.

 

I think also what has helped me is that they are old/responsible enough to be left alone for short periods of time. I can go to the gym after lunch. (10 minutes away, phone in my pocket!) I can run to the grocery store for a few items, etc. So I'm not as tied down, so to speak, as I was several years ago. Oh, they take piano lessons back to back, so that's almost 2 hours, and then they have a 2 hour gymnastic class every week. So I'm getting more breaks.

 

One thing that probably contributes to my reisistance also, is that I was a SAHwife, for 5 years before dd9 came home. And we were married for 12-13 years before children. I was older (not as much energy) and very use to having my time to myself.

 

Wow, didn't mean for this to get so long. But I guess if the shoe fits, let 'em know!

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Thank you all so much for your input. This is about a real couple with one 5yo child and they are not having any more, the wife doesn't work, has never tried homeschooling but just doesn't want to do it. The husband feels VERY strongly that it should be done. The wife is talking to me about it asking my advice. It's very difficult to be unbiased since I think homeschooling is awesome and cannot see a reason for her to not at least TRY. ???

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No, I wouldn't. I would try very hard to compromise somehow. Afterschooling? In the same way, I wouldn't be homeschooling if my dh were really opposed to the idea. I believe it takes two committed parents. And I'm very glad we were on the same page regarding homeschooling.

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This is us at the moment. We didn't start out that way though. Before we had kids it was me that wanted to homeschool and my DH was not on board at all (he is a high school teacher). Eventually I got him warmed up to the idea and now he is a fan :D

 

However after I had children and reality hit about what it was really like to have children around 24/7 - well I started to waver on the idea :glare:

Throw in that we have a "difficult" child" and three very close in age and now that my oldest is 4 I am really ready to wave her off to Kindergarden in a few months.

 

When I first planned on homeschooling I thought I was going to have kids that never fought, always did what they were told and played quietly;) - then along came my DD and it's been the total opposite ever since. I'm an introvert -I need my peace and quiet to function and that so does not happen around here with a tantruming 4yo, a whining 3yo and a very loud, happy and adventerous 18 month old.

 

Anyway - suffice it to say that now it is actually time to step up to the homeschooling plate and make it "official" - I've gone off the idea totally - but my DH is really pushing it. So I agreed to do it for one year - it's only Kindergarden right :confused:

 

The thing that convinced me to follow through is that the private schools here are all Catholic or Lutheren and we are LDS and the state schools are truely awful because we live in a low socio-economic area and we are rural so there is no driving over to the next town to take my DD to school.

 

The standards here are terribly low as well - they don't even begin to teach reading till 1st grade because they are so busy filling in the time getting the underpriveledged kids just to learn their colours. Because I've always enjoyed teaching my kids (wether we homeschool or not) my kids are way advanced for the standards here. My DD is already starting to read and write.

 

Plus I want more from an education then what is on offer here. It was whilst I was looking over the school curriculum (Australia is introducing a National curriculum) trying to see if it was really that bad to send my kids to public school that I found myself saying things like" but when do they learn Latin and why are they teaching about families for history - where is ancient history" (which they don't start till grade 7) that I realised I would never be happy with what the kids were learning at school and I needed to at least try it.

 

I guess if my DH was totally for it and I was totally opposed I would probably try it out for a bit if I was already a SAHM. I doubt I would give up a career that I found rewarding to try it though - but then my DH hates being a public school teacher (one of the main reasons he wants to homeschool is all the terrible stuff he sees going on at schools and the low standard of education he has to teach) so if I had a decent career DH would happily volunteer to stay home and homeschool himself. :D But since I don't then I guess I need to suck it up an move on with it :lol:

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Would you do it to please your dh or would you tell him forget it and put them in public school?

 

I'm mostly in this position. I do think that homeschooling has tons of benefits but it is a huge burden on me, and if it were up to me the kids would probably be in school. However, DH feels so strongly that we keep working on homeschooling. In our case, we had agreed on homeschooling before we even had kids, so I'm the one that changed my mind, and I do feel that makes a difference.

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I had a friend in this situation. She decided to try. But her dh is one with the attitude of he works at his job, the wife is responsible for everything at home. And she had 3 little ones, besides the one she was homeschooling. So she quickly became overwhelmed. I think if the dh really wants it, he should be a BIG help in it, and listen to what his wife's concerns are and see if they can work something out.

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you did NOT want to?

 

I have a good friend for whom this is true. I never asked her about it, though- so I am not really sure what went on.

 

When I first met her, she was one of those moms that gave homeschooling a bad name- yelling at her kids, threatening her son that she was going to call his father and bother him at work to report son's bad behavior, etc. I never would have guessed in a million years I would ever consider her a friend.

 

Fast forward 15 years... her oldest is in college, her other two are in public high school. She's a different woman. Nice, supportive of her kids, has a great sense of humor! I think she was incredibly stressed being at home with her kids all day.

 

Unfortunately, I don't think her oldest dd can forgive her for all the yelling and negativity when she was young.

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The way I see it, if I was prepared to work to cover costs of a carefully chosen school (i.e. not just dump them in any available school) and school was not detrimental to them in any way (and I recognise that it truly is to some kids) and I was available for them in the afternoons, then I could not be expected to do something that was making me genuinely unhappy.

 

On the other hand, if I wanted to be a SAHM so I could have coffee with the other Moms while the kids were at school? That would be a purely selfish decision, and dh would be reasonable to oppose that, and it would be unreasonable for me to then object to homeschooling.

 

Edited to add: I should add that I wanted to homeschool, and that dh would be quite happy if the kids were in (any) school and I was bringing in money. That said, homeschooling does not make me happy - it is something I feel I should be doing. Every other option feels wrong, rather than homeschooling feeling right. I am slowly, slowly starting to see a path for the future which might involve a better balance for all of us, but I also see it will be years in the traveling, so for now I will have to work on me.

Edited by nd293
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If my dh felt very strongly about the issue I would at least give him the courtesy of hearing him out and researching the subject at length. I would want to see why he was so invested in the concept of HSing.

 

I would probably agree to try it for one year, with plans in place to meet whatever needs I felt would not be met by HSing (socialization, for example).

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But would you be able to do it well, and with a good attitude, knowing that the next 12+ years of your life would have to be dedicated to something you didn't want to do?

 

Homeschooling is unlike many other commitments, mainly because it's at home, and there's no escape from it much of the time. It's not like having a regular job you don't like, because at 5:00 (or whatever,) you get to go home and relax. With homeschooling, the job really never ends, and you're there with those kids almost 24/7.

 

If you made the sacrifice and homeschooled, even though you didn't want to, wouldn't the resentment keep building over time until you were no longer the wife and mom you wanted to be? (I'm assuming that the "job" didn't grow on you, and you kept disliking it.)

 

I know I'd be a real witch to live with, if I had to do something I hated every day.

 

Cat

 

I guess I think that there are so many ways to homeschool, so many approaches and ways to schedule your day, that I could be okay with doing it, in some way, if it were really important to my spouse. There's outsourcing classes, co-ops, etc. to help too. I think just about anyone with spousal support could find some approach to homeschooling that could work for them.

 

Also, it is possible to choose to find contentment in any circumstance in life, and so while a person could hold onto resentment and bitterness over the years, I don't think that's the right thing to do. I would try to do it, and also choose to be content with it.

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Personally, I think homeschooling as someone who really doesn't want to is a recipe for disaster. Unless you're engaged and at least somewhat interested in doing so, you probably shouldn't be doing it. And in that case, you should look for the best possible school fit for your child. I'm of the school that there is no perfect solution. You need to find the least worst solution for your family. Homeschooling is working for us at the moment. If that changes, we'll change our path.

 

I really feel like it should be the ultimate decision of the person doing it. It's like taking a new job. I know a homeschooling dad who just sent his kids back to school. And his full time working wife was not at all happy about it. But it wasn't working for him at this time, and he made his decision and she honored it.

Edited by kck
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Personally, I think homeschooling as someone who really doesn't want to is a recipe for disaster. Unless you're engaged and at least somewhat interested in doing so, you probably shouldn't be doing it. And in that case, you should look for the best possible school fit for your child. I'm of the school that there is no perfect solution. You need to find the least worst solution for your family. Homeschooling is working for us at the moment. If that changes, we'll change our path.

 

I really feel like it should be the ultimate decision of the person doing it. It's like taking a new job. I know a homeschooling dad who just sent his kids back to school. And his full time working wife was not at all happy about it. But it wasn't working for him at this time, and he made his decision.

 

:iagree: Are there other school options that will work for their child?

 

 

I'm not sure what her reasons are for not wanting to do it, but I am sure they are valid, just like the DH's reason for wanting her to homeschool are valid. But the person doing the actual schooling should really want to do it, or at least think it is the best option. Otherwise, I don't see that person really giving the responsibility the respect it deserves.

 

It is tough when parents do not agree on this subject.

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