Saving seats-rude or just my pet-peeve??

[Moxie]

Is this rude or is it just one of my pet-peeves?

 

Christmas Eve Mass was at 4:00. It was packed to the rafters. My friend (whose children are 10, 18 and 21) gets there at 2 with a load of coats and holds a pew so her family doesn't have to get there until 3:45.

 

What is the verdict?

[freetobeme]

we don't do it. we all go early enough to get a seat. but that's just us.

Edited December 26, 2010 by freetobeme

[Brindee]

Hmmm......As frustrating as it is when you want to get a seat when you get there later, I think if they're willing to get there early, then they have a right to the seats. Everyone else had the opportunity to get there at 2 to hold places also, right?

 

Maybe there could be a limit on how many places they could hold????

[WiseOwlKnits]

I vote smart.

[MariannNOVA]

Well, if one is willing to sit there for that amount of time, I don't have an issue with it. I would have an issue with someone who put the coats in the pew and then went home for a couple of hours and showed up 15 minutes before Mass -- but THAT was not what you said your friend did.

 

Unfortunately, I think that when one knows that seating will be at a premium, one has to have a plan. It's the reality of the situation.

[Caitilin]

As someone with a large family, I'd vote that's it's OK to save seats. It can be hard to get enough spots for us all together otherwise.

[Brigitte]

Does she stay with the coats or does she just put them down and leave? If she stays, I guess it is okay, but I don't really like the idea. If she leaves, that is just plain rude, imho.

[TrixieB]

We save seats at the Christmas afternoon service. Dh and I always have to be there early because our dc are performing in the pageant, or playing music, or both. So when we arrive, which is usually an hour before the service starts, we claim enough seats for our family and my parents and occasionally a family friend whom we have invited to attend. I know they are more comfortable sitting with us than by themselves elsewhere in the church, and I think it would be rude to ask them to arrive an hour early and to sit in the pew for that hour, just so that we can sit together. Dh normally sits in the pew with the coats while I attend to getting the children organized, costumed, and ready to perform. This year he was asked to light all the church candles so we let the coats do the holding job.

[MamaT]

We have a large family and sometimes drive separately to places, so I could see doing this. I agree that it's not rude as long as she sat there to save the seats and didn't just put the coats down and leave.

[Mom2J112903]

If you have a special needs child, this is the *only* way to do such a huge event/church service.

[Margo out of lurking]

I vote smart.

 

:iagree:I think that if she cares that much to plan ahead and follow through, she certainly can save seats like that.

 

Out of all the things that are "unfair" or annoying or rude or wrong in this world, I would not even give this a second thought.

[LidiyaDawn]

It wouldn't bother me at all - she's the one who showed up that early, and we're talking about having seats available for her children.

[JFSinIL]

Common to do this IF you have a kid in the holiday choir. Otherwise are you supposed to make Grandma and the kid with autism etc. sit for two hours waiting for everything to start in order to have the family sit together? In our church the kids have to be there by 2:45 for a 3:15 song start before 4pm mass. So the moms (or a few dads ) show up at 2:30ish to drop off the songbird, grab a pew, spread out coats, etc. and....sit. Smart ones bring a book or iPod. Then the other parent brings the siblings and Grandma, etc. at 3, everyone sits through the kid's songs (why oh WHY does the person in charge refuse all but one or two traditional carols? ) to get to nass (I just lost the key that cones before n - ?????). Yes, it ends up standing roon only, but nost folks know to NOT try and go to 4p nass - they go at 8 or nidnight or the next norning.

 

I need ny "n" key back!!!!!

[regentrude]

Saving seats was the only way our family could ever attend service together - small kids, grandma and mentally disabled family member can NOT sit waiting for an hour before. Nor can they attend service standing.

[Night Elf]

I think it's rude to save seats at paying venues like movie theaters. But I wouldn't think twice about church. I would think families prefer to sit together during church.

[mom2denj]

It doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I have done it. Usually people do this for a reason or else they wouldn't bother with it.:D

[momofkhm]

We often do this. But I do confess to leaving coats on the chairs and not sitting with them. BUT when I do this, it's because I am busy elsewhere at church.

 

For Christmas Eve especially, dh runs the soundboard. Then I'm usually in charge of some children's thing that's going on. This year it was acolytes. So our coats save our seats. But it's a small church, everyone knows that those are "our" seats. Eventually, my girls will sit there. And this year, there were empty seats.

[TN Mama]

Well, if one is willing to sit there for that amount of time, I don't have an issue with it. I would have an issue with someone who put the coats in the pew and then went home for a couple of hours and showed up 15 minutes before Mass -- but THAT was not what you said your friend did.

 

Unfortunately, I think that when one knows that seating will be at a premium, one has to have a plan. It's the reality of the situation.

 

:iagree:

[susankenny]

An entire pew? My verdict: Rude

 

 

Susan

[Jan in SC]

I don't have a problem with saving seats, but I do have a problem with keeping them from others if your party hasn't arrived ten minutes into the service. We had this happen Friday afternoon and it was crazy. We attend an old church that has pew boxes, and people are very attached to a certain seat. It became quite obnoxious when the thirty to forty people standing on our side of the church couldn't sit because people weren't sure they'd have enough room.

[AnitaMcC]

If you have a special needs child, this is the *only* way to do such a huge event/church service.

 

 

BTDT!! I feel it is fine if someone is sitting there along with the coats saving the seats (or are working in the church, they need to set their stuff somewhere and should be able to save their own seats). I would do that if I felt like sending a "seat saver" a head of me. But as I am ususally the only adult attending with 4-6 kids... I can't do it. Instead I just stand in the back most of the holiday masses.

 

We made it to 4:30pm mass at 4:05 and we never were able to sit down. The only seats available were for 1-3 people to sit together, in the middle of rows. We had 6 of us together.

 

I just don't understand why leave 1-2 seats empty in the middle (our church is new is has chairs not pews)? I guess many people want to be on the end... but it is just rude IMO when it is an overflowing attendance mass. The priest had to ask (repeatedly) people to move in to open end seats for a few elderly using walkers!!!!! He literally had to go up to people and ask them to scoot down... after asking it over the speakers.

Edited December 26, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[elfgivas]

on the flip side:

 

1) the girls played violin at a different church on advent 4. my dh was told he wasn't allowed to sit where he was because "it was someone else's".

 

2) the next night they were singing at yet another church. i was in the lobby and in the back room as a "choir mom". dh was in the lobby as a "choir dad". everyone was told that saving seats was not allowed. nevertheless, when we finally got to sit down, just a couple of minutes before they started, we were lucky to find 2 seats together.... and there were a lot of saved seats.

 

ie. i can see it both ways. for reasons i'm not clear on, i take it better if someone keeps the coats company. (i think its because at least someone is paying the price of sitting and waiting)

 

fwiw,

ann

[Ottakee]

Lots of factors involved here but I would invite you to our church........LOTS of extra room here :-)

[GraciebytheBay]

There are 6 of us. We usually have three different vehicles going separately to church. (Dh teaches SS and youngers go with him, I stay home until service, and olders go to college SS at pastor's house). I am the one who gets into the sanctuary first, so I save five seats until everyone gets out of their SS classes. If I didn't do that, we couldn't sit together as a family. I don't see why people would be annoyed by that. Would they rather we have to sit apart?:confused:

[Mother Superior]

I have six kids, two of whom are physically disabled. I vote RUDE!! We went to 10:00 p.m. Mass on Christmas Eve. We got there at 9:30 so we could be sure and all sit together, and we did.

 

If you want to save a seat, your butt should be in it.

[lynn]

Done politely by arriving early holding seats and sitting there is fine. However, running over people, jumping on a chair throwing stuff on other chairs or laying across chairs to save seats like at a woman's conventionI heard about is WRONG.

[Jan in SC]

I have six kids, two of whom are physically disabled. I vote RUDE!! We went to 10:00 p.m. Mass on Christmas Eve. We got there at 9:30 so we could be sure and all sit together, and we did.

 

If you want to save a seat, your butt should be in it.

 

 

How did you get seats together? We were 30 minutes early and all 800 or so seats were gone and there were 200 or so more people looking for a seat.

[Quad Shot Academy]

Having a large family, this is a major issue for us. We have to show up to events up to an hour early to get seats for all of us. If we send kids to the bathroom right before it starts, are getting snacks, or are helping out in someway, we are constantly bombarded with requests to take our seats. People get VERY rude about it. I was in tears the last two times, ended up giving away all my family's seats and making the kids stand the whole time. I told my hubby that I won't do it anymore.

 

The edge seat is also an issue. We get there early to get an isle seat and people want us to move in. We usually have to leave multiple times for trips to the bathroom. I make the kids stand on their seats and I step into the isle so the people can pass by and take the inner seats. Some people are very rude about this.

 

Another annoying thing is at church when we are standing to sing, people almost always come and sit right behind the kids on the edges, sometimes even moving their coats! They turn around to sit down and have no seat. Hubby and I end up with kids on our laps for the next hour and the people don't notice or don't care.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Common to do this IF you have a kid in the holiday choir. Otherwise are you supposed to make Grandma and the kid with autism etc. sit for two hours waiting for everything to start in order to have the family sit together? In our church the kids have to be there by 2:45 for a 3:15 song start before 4pm mass. So the moms (or a few dads ) show up at 2:30ish to drop off the songbird, grab a pew, spread out coats, etc. and....sit. Smart ones bring a book or iPod. Then the other parent brings the siblings and Grandma, etc. at 3, everyone sits through the kid's songs (why oh WHY does the person in charge refuse all but one or two traditional carols? ) to get to nass (I just lost the key that cones before n - ?????). Yes, it ends up standing roon only, but nost folks know to NOT try and go to 4p nass - they go at 8 or nidnight or the next norning.

 

I need ny "n" key back!!!!!

 

 

:lol: This post had "ne" literally Ling.....OL!! :lol:

[sagira]

She did the work of coming early, saved the seats. I see no problem. My 7- and 3-year-old would never last that long in church.

[Moxie]

She did the work of coming early, saved the seats. I see no problem. My 7- and 3-year-old would never last that long in church.

 

 

I think this might be my issue with it. I know the kids well (the 18 and 21 year olds) and they are lazy. I know they are just killing time at home while their mother saves seats for them.

[Mary in VA]

I think it's rude to save seats at paying venues like movie theaters. But I wouldn't think twice about church. I would think families prefer to sit together during church.

 

:iagree:It's church, totally different than if you'd bought tickets. Also, it's much easier for children to behave during the service if they haven't been sitting there for two hours before the service begins! Makes it nicer for all those around them too!

 

Mary

[Mom0012]

Having a large family, this is a major issue for us. We have to show up to events up to an hour early to get seats for all of us. If we send kids to the bathroom right before it starts, are getting snacks, or are helping out in someway, we are constantly bombarded with requests to take our seats. People get VERY rude about it. I was in tears the last two times, ended up giving away all my family's seats and making the kids stand the whole time. I told my hubby that I won't do it anymore.

 

The edge seat is also an issue. We get there early to get an isle seat and people want us to move in. We usually have to leave multiple times for trips to the bathroom. I make the kids stand on their seats and I step into the isle so the people can pass by and take the inner seats. Some people are very rude about this.

 

Another annoying thing is at church when we are standing to sing, people almost always come and sit right behind the kids on the edges, sometimes even moving their coats! They turn around to sit down and have no seat. Hubby and I end up with kids on our laps for the next hour and the people don't notice or don't care.

 

That sounds horrible!

 

Lisa

[Lolly]

Fine for church. My problem is with people who save seats for nonexistent people. They just don't want to be crowded.

[Quad Shot Academy]

That sounds horrible!

 

Lisa

 

We go to a new church now. ;) It is so nice to not have to worry about coming in late. If we are late and there are no seats, they grab new ones for us. At our old church if we were running late, we would just give up and not go!

[Trish]

Reminds me of the time my kids were younger, it was right before Church was to start, somewhat crowded, and hubby takes the kids to the bathroom. (when they gotta go, they gotta go!) So this older couple slips into their spots before I could make some sort of appropriate gesture, and I say, "oh, those seats were taken," but they just sort of looked at me, and then the service started so I guess they didn't care.

 

Well there WAS enough room in the pew, there was granny and aunt, uncle and cousin to my left, older couple to my right, and then hubby and kids come back to be on THEIR right.

 

So then, it's quite a few episides of "pass the tissues," etc. and finally they asked to change places with hubby.

[MamaSheep]

It seems like a strange thing to waste emotional energy on to me. And a little judgy. But then, I tend to be of the general opinion that most people are just getting on in life the best they know how, don't intentionally go out of their way to inconvenience other people, and probably have what they think is a good reason for doing that sort of thing. If I knew their reasons, I might even agree. But on most things my agreement or disagreement with their reasons is pretty much irrelevant, and fuming about it isn't actulally going to change anything, so it seems like a waste of time and energy to get worked up over it. There are so many other things in my life to get worked up over...lol.

Edited December 27, 2010 by MamaSheep

[Holly IN]

We have to do that esp. at Christmas Eve service. Hubby drops us off and then go park. Sometimes it takes him 15-20 min to do that. So I save him a seat.

 

In your case (OP), if this woman stayed with her coats then NO problem. Just a pet peeve of yours and that is ok. I do not believe it is rude. Now it is rude if she dumped all the coats and left.

 

Saving seats do not bother me at all. It depends on the situation. I do not get worked over little things that really do not matter. :) I would just let it go.

Holly

[fhjmom]

As a person that tried to get to any performance related venue as early as possible and mother of 3 youngsters, saving seats is part of our lifestyle. Because of my hearing loss, I always try to get somewhere early so I can sit as close as possible to the speaker because I need to be able to speech read and see facial expressions. If the venue is one that offers an assited listening system or some type of captioning system (such as rear-window devices), there is often a big difference in the reception or view depending on where you are seated. I need to be able to sit in a certain area for them to work well. If there is an interpreter, I need to be able to sit in that section. You would be surprised at how many people ignore the "Reserved for Sign Interpretation" signs and sit in that section anyway - and yes, I know for certain that the people I am referring to are not there for the interpreter. Many times we will get somewhere, pick our seats, then DH or I will take the kids out and walk around, get snacks, make a bathroom stop, etc. and return before the program/show starts. Do I wish that we did not have to go to such great lengths to attend any type of public venue? Yes, but if I am going to bother going I want to get something out of it and this is the only way.

[Moxie]

Saving seats do not bother me at all. It depends on the situation. I do not get worked over little things that really do not matter. :) I would just let it go.

Holly

 

Don't worry; I'm not stewing or planning an intervention or anything like that. Just curious. :001_smile:

[Julie in CA]

I don't have a problem with saving seats, but I do have a problem with keeping them from others if your party hasn't arrived ten minutes into the service.

Yes, this. I don't at all mind if people save seats, but if the service starts and the seats are still empty, they should be filled by those who have been left standing.

[Annie Laurie]

Having a large family, this is a major issue for us. We have to show up to events up to an hour early to get seats for all of us. If we send kids to the bathroom right before it starts, are getting snacks, or are helping out in someway, we are constantly bombarded with requests to take our seats. People get VERY rude about it.

 

I've experienced the same thing. When we are eating somewhere where you seat yourselves, we stake out a table and then dh goes and gets our food, or else we'd be stuck with a tray of food and nowhere to sit. So last time we were at our Ren Faire, we staked out a picnic table, dh went to get the food, and then a lady got really nasty with me when she tried to sit there with some people and I told her my dh and older son had just gone to get the food.

[ClassicCole]

I don't believe it is rude. Many times we will arrive early to church events. Once we are there it is common for dh or I to be called on to help with some prepare work for the event. We do leave our belongings in the seats to hold them and are normally nearby. And most of the time the kids are sitting there. But even if they go for a drink or restroom break I don't see it as rude.

[zaichiki]

Saving seats was the only way our family could ever attend service together - small kids, grandma and mentally disabled family member can NOT sit waiting for an hour before. Nor can they attend service standing.

 

We (1 yr old included) attended Mass standing in the back, even though dd sang in the choir. (The director said she saved seats for the families of the choir kids, but when we arrived - only 20 minutes early - there were none left. We all stood up against the doors/in the narthex.)

 

It was hard (mostly on my younger son). I don't think we'll attend that particular time next year.

[AuntieM]

I no longer save seats for anyone, except my dh and 5yo. My immediate family is usually all together when we go places, and gramma and grandad have a bad habit of arriving late for everything, so I have stopped saving seats for them. I would not claim seats and expect to leave and return just before a start time, that seems rude.

[2squared]

We had a reserved pew in church for the 4:00 mass, and it gotten taken by others - twice. The ushers finally got us chairs and we were able to sit on four of them, but the other two were taken before our kids could sit down.

 

Our family was a living nativity scene during the gospel so we couldn't exactly sit and reserve our own seats, and we truly do take up an entire pew. I know the people didn't realize the pew was reserved for us and that we were legitimately not in it before mass. I wasn't upset, but it was a little frustrating. I just hope that our live nativity scene may inspire some of the holiday-only attendees to return to our church.

[Pretty in Pink]

I vote 'not rude', unless you are saving seats for tons of extended family members. That's a little rude, IMO.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I just don't understand why leave 1-2 seats empty in the middle (our church is new is has chairs not pews)? I guess many people want to be on the end... but it is just rude IMO when it is an overflowing attendance mass. The priest had to ask (repeatedly) people to move in to open end seats for a few elderly using walkers!!!!! He literally had to go up to people and ask them to scoot down... after asking it over the speakers.

 

 

Grrrr! This drives me crazy! Give up the end seat and move over! (This, from the mother of a child who LOVES the end seat and gets very upset when she doesn't have it.) I understand wanting to have the "best" view, but we're supposed to think about others, especially at church. As for having to get out of the pew easily....well, if the people are late AND get the end seat, they deserve to be stepped on! ;)

 

As for saving seats....I vote for ok if someone is there with the coats. Leaving the coats to fend for themselves = rude. However, it does take a certain amount of thick skin to be the seat holder.

 

I've been on the other end of things many times....standing in the back because all the seats are "taken" (either by actual people, or coats filling in for actual people.) It drives me crazy to be late, but my family members seem to believe that the Mass will wait for them (which it never does!) This is my cross to bear. :glare: