Are you afraid of divorce?

[LibraryLover]

I would not want to be divorced, but I know I could live through it.

Edited October 16, 2013 by LibraryLover

[Laura Corin]

Having seen the effect on my mother..... I do fear it a little, as she and I have similar personalities. She never got over the divorce, never put her life back together, was embittered and also narrowed by the experience. I hope I would learn from her reaction: ensuring that I kept up with/made friends and didn't become so obsessively focused on myself and my trials. Watching her stew for thirty-five years has been... hard, however.

 

Laura

[LibraryLover]

Having seen the effect on my mother..... I do fear it a little, as she and I have similar personalities. She never got over the divorce, never put her life back together, was embittered and also narrowed by the experience. I hope I would learn from her reaction: ensuring that I kept up with/made friends and didn't become so obsessively focused on myself and my trials. Watching her stew for thirty-five years has been... hard, however.

 

Laura

 

 

Intersting. My mother was remarried within a couple of years. Of course our personal experiences would color how we see this terrible possibility. There were no affairs involved with my parents divorce. My parents are civil. They attend the same events, right down to family 4th of July parties.

[Mejane]

Nope. I'm a strong person and I have options; I'd survive. Like LL, I'd work very hard to get along for our kids' sakes.

[elegantlion]

I've been married 18 years and I can honestly say I'm not afraid of divorce. My dh and I have been through some stuff, lots of stuff, things that I've seen people get divorced over. We're still together. He still loves me and puts up with me, I still love him and put up with him. We could have probably been voted couple most likely to divorce in our early marriage.

 

If the D word entered our lives I don't think I would be devastated, I'd go on. I feel defined as an individual, not just as a spouse, so I'd still have me, if that makes sense at all.

 

I've also been previously divorced because my ex decided he liked his old girlfriend better. Leaving him was a great decision. Thankfully I've never had to see him since.

 

I didn't read the other thread, maybe I should go do that now.

[mytwomonkeys]

nah. i'm not worried, concerned, or afraid of divorce at all. i can't imagine that my husband and i will ever divorce honestly. we both guard our marriage like a military camp. but *if* it did happen, i'd survive, just like everyone else does. my kids would be my biggest concern, so i would focus on the simplest and smoothest transition for them.

[ChristusG]

I guess that what I would fear the most would be how my children would be affected. Their lives would change drastically because they would not be able to homeschooled since I would need to work, they would be basically "raised" by someone else, etc. DD6 has selective mutism, possible Tourette's or some other tic disorder, as well as a lot of anxiety and visual/auditory processing disorders.....putting her in school would terrify her. They would be split between two houses and they are most definitely mama's girls so being away from me would probably be difficult on them.

 

I wouldn't so much be worried about me....yes, I'd be sad/upset/angry. But I'd be most afraid for my children.

[angela in ohio]

I don't fear it because I purposefully married a man who believes in marriage as much as I do, and we actively work to strengthen our marriage (including not spending our time on friendships with others of the opposite sex ;).)

 

If not, I wouldn't fear it for myself, as I can survive any misery (and from what I have seen, it generally brings misery for a woman,) but I would fear it for my dc. Seeing the effects on dh, and other friends who are children of divorce, makes me know I wouldn't want that for my own dc if it can be avoided.

[Crimson Wife]

Not really. The highest risk for divorce is in the first decade of marriage, and we're coming up on our 12th anniversary next month. Obviously, marriages sometimes do break up after the first decade, but statistically the risk is quite a bit lower.

 

I actually worry more about my DH getting seriously ill or dying. He just turned 35 and it seems like late 30's is when the risk of serious illness or premature death starts increasing. :(

[Parrothead]

No, I'm not afraid of divorce. I've worked before, I'll do it again if I have to. I've lived alone before, I'll do it again if I have to. I've dated before, I'll do it again if I have to.

 

I do not rely on dh for my happiness. I make my happiness.

[mytwomonkeys]

I actually worry more about my DH getting seriously ill or dying. He just turned 35 and it seems like late 30's is when the risk of serious illness or premature death starts increasing. :(

 

do you mean in your husband's family, or in general?? i'm almost 40 & i certainly don't want to worry about dying!!! i've got enough to concern me, lol.

[BeckyFL]

Not afraid that I wouldn't be OK, but I don't deliberately do things that would endanger my marriage either. I'm not afraid of dying either, but I don't do things that I know would endanger my health.

[Pretty in Pink]

Nope. I'm an independent person. I am not afraid of being on my own.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

My mother survived divorce and subsequent financial distress and just kept swimming....

 

I grew up in a 600 sq ft, roach-infested, apartment. We had heat and food and gas in our car. We bought records and danced around the little duplex apartment ( "I feel the earth move under my feet..") and played outdoors with our diverse neighbors. I was a happy kid.

 

Except my parents fought. My mom yelled and my step-father sat silent which only infuriated her more. Finally, he had an affair and left us.

 

I was actually relieved when he moved out. My mom was very sad for a while and then a bit bitter and then she moved on with her life the best as she could.

 

She let go of my dad completely. Never said a bad word about him. We knew he had the affair and left us for someone else, some other life. It was his choice and no reflection on me or my siblings.

 

She never wishes she stayed married. It wasn't a good marriage by her own admission. She misses companionship, but not the marriage itself, kwim?

 

I know happiness isn't based on the square ft below my feet. I am not afraid of moving into a 600 sq ft apartment and driving an old car and eating Ramen noodles. Pest control is much better than it was in the 70s;).

 

I am afraid of wasting my life in a bad marriage. I am afraid of having my children hear their father and I tear each other apart emotionally and mentally. I am afraid that my children will form suffer in their own relationships because of what they are exposed to. So I keep working at my marriage and we keep talking and working and compromising.

 

I have recently told my husband, "I love you, but I love me more." We cannot put our marriage on cruise control, we need to work at it. I feel empowered by the knowledge that I am not afraid of being alone and I think he has just realized it too and is more than willing to do what it takes to make it work. I feel our relationship is stronger than ever.

 

Sorry for the rambling. I'm cleaning and baking a cake while I type this!

 

K

multi-tasking maniac

[Prairie~Phlox]

Nope, we came into with the mindset that Divorce is not an option, I know that my dh is 100% faithful and we do a lot to keep things interesting.

[LibraryLover]

Nope, we came into with the mindset that Divorce is not an option, I know that my dh is 100% faithful and we do a lot to keep things interesting.

 

I mean if it happened.

 

Nobody can 100% say for sure it never happen to them. Wait. Of course you can say it. :)

[Crimson Wife]

do you mean in your husband's family, or in general?? i'm almost 40 & i certainly don't want to worry about dying!!! i've got enough to concern me, lol.

 

In general. It just seems that among folks I know, the late 30's is when serious health problems start showing up. Breast cancer, brain cancer, stomach cancer, melanoma, heart attacks, strokes, etc. And these were people who appeared relatively healthy prior (normal weight, active, non-smokers, etc.) It's scary!

[FaithManor]

Dh is my best friend as well as my hubby. We are incredibly close so I'd be heartbroken if he left.

 

But, life would go on. I'd go back to my professional music career and place the children in a private school...I'd prefer to get a position in Chicago but I'd go to Manhatten to work if I had to. He's very committed to his role as father and I think that would probably "unglue" him to be so far away from the children. However, he knows that I would do what I need to do to survive and if that meant moving, so be it.

 

He is and has been the love of my life so I really do not see myself remarrying. He's been wonderful but honestly, marriage is a lot of work to make it a good one, and I've "limited out" as the fisherman's saying goes. I don't see myself wanting to enter the dating, try to find another good man compatible with my beliefs, etc. thing and then go through those first years of marriage again. Ugh....as much as I am happy in this marriage I don't have the energy or desire to do all of that again!

 

I'm not afraid to be divorced. But, it would take something pretty shocking to get us to that place.

 

Faith

[Abigail4476]

I love my dh and we have been married over 20 years, but I am not afraid of divorce.

 

I would not want to be divorced, but I know I could live through it. If he had an affair and left, I would be angry and sad, but I know it would not be the end of my life.

 

The thread about having friends of the opposite sex and affairs got me thinking that 1. I don't think I am immune to bad things happening (I never think, "Why me?" but "Why not me?" I've expereinced late miscarraige, birth defects in a child, death of beloved family members etc) Although I do not think my dh would have an affair, I suppose anything is possible. 2. I would not die if I got divorced. I would carry on, and perhaps, maybe, find someone else to love.

 

It wouldn't be the same, of course, as a first love, but also not the end of the world. I would also try to be civil so that we could attend all of the things the future might hold...granchildren b'days, weddings of our children etc. I think that would be the saddest aspect-- not doing all of those things together.

 

Fearful in the sense that I couldn't survive? No. I'm pretty resilient and practical. :iagree: I wouldn't die and I would carry on.

 

The only *fear* I have would be not having my man anymore. I love him so much, I can't imagine not having him around! My other fear would be seeing my children not have their Dad around. It would affect them terribly.

 

My personal survival wouldn't be an issue. There are other things that could affect a person much worse, such as losing a child. Those are the types of events that truly terrify me. :glare:

[LizzyBee]

I've been divorced, I survived, and I made a good life for myself. But I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. However bad you think divorce might be, it is exponentially worse. Of course, when you only have crappy choices, sometimes divorce is the best one. That doesn't mean it isn't h*ll.

[Holly IN]

dh and I made a vow not to divorce period. We have seen it destroy my brother. Do not wish that for our kids or us. (both of us had affairs about 5 yrs of marriage so we didn't divorce at all....just made our marriage stronger!! I do not recommend affair to make marraige stronger though..... several friends of ours had affairs as well and still married but marriage is stronger....hubby and I left the church few years before the affair)

 

I am actually more worried about my hubby dying on me. I wouldn't be able to deal with that. With divorce, the spouse is still alive. More chance of reconliation than death. Just my two cents.

 

Holly

Edited November 20, 2010 by Holly IN

[Heather in OK]

Not at all.

 

I am more terrified of something tragic happening to my dh. A lot of that stems from stuff in my past though. Even though my parents were divorced, it needed to happen and I was too young to really remember them much together. Their divorce and the events surrounding it did have some impact on me but I don't fear divorce for my dh and I. I've had other men in my life (including my dad) die tragically so that's what I fear.

[LibraryLover]

I've been divorced, I survived, and I made a good life for myself. But I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. However bad you think divorce might be, it is exponentially worse. Of course, when you only have crappy choices, sometimes divorce is the best one. That doesn't mean it isn't h*ll.

 

 

:iagree:That's what I think. I don't get why anyone would decide to go ahead and have an affair and risk *everything*. Even if they are attracted to a co worker or fellow hs parent, or even the flight attendant they just met. People who have affairs have got to already have some sort of void, I would think.

Edited November 20, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Amy loves Bud]

Having seen the effect on my mother..... I do fear it a little, as she and I have similar personalities. She never got over the divorce, never put her life back together, was embittered and also narrowed by the experience. I hope I would learn from her reaction: ensuring that I kept up with/made friends and didn't become so obsessively focused on myself and my trials. Watching her stew for thirty-five years has been... hard, however.

 

Laura

 

This is my mother-in-law. She and Bud's dad split about 40 years ago and she never recovered. She is bitter and doesn't really trust anyone. Even after Bud's dad died about 13 years ago, she still harbors so much resentment and has basically closed in on herself.

 

Bud and I have been through enough garbage that I know that we are not immune to the possibility of divorce, nor is anyone. I don't think it will happen to us - we've both proven our commitment to this marriage through some tough times, which are now years in the past, thankfully. But would I survive? Of course! I'm smart, funny, have friends and the internal resources to figure out a way to make a living. It would suck, but I would end up just fine in the end.

 

Like many others, though, I think it would be devastating to the kids and that would be very hard to live with.

 

I pray for the folks here who have and are going through divorce. It has to be very hard.

[TravelingChris]

I am not sure what is meant by the question. Am I afraid my dh will eithr divorce me or do something I think has to mean divorce? No.

 

Am I afraid of what my life would be like divorced if it did happen to me? Not really for me but for my children. It would be a not good deal for me but I have lived with less before and could make the adjustment better than they could. I would still have money so I didn't need to work and I would have medical insurance. What I wouldn't have, besides a husband, is a comfortable life. It would be much harder. But I don't know that I would care that much because it would be such a devastating blow.

[Mom0012]

I witnessed the aftermath of my husband's divorce from his first wife even though I met him 5 years after the divorce. Things have settled down in that area now, but there were a number of rough years at the beginning of our marriage due to the friction caused by the divorce and the fact that they had a child together. There are other issues with my husband's parents that we have had to deal with because of the divorce as well.

 

My sister has recently divorced and the impact on her, her children and my parents has been devastating. It has been two years now and I'm not sure if my family will ever be the same. Most of that is due to the way my sister has chosen to handle herself during the divorce. As a result of her behavior, she has burdened my parents to the point of causing them extreme stress all of the time, both financially and emotionally. And, yet, they feel guilty. My sister used to be my closest friend and now that I've seen how she has taken advantage of my parents I hardly ever talk to her. I know she is acting out of fear, but still, I can't be around her.

 

So, yes, I fear divorce. I've seen the pain and suffering it causes for everyone and I would not wish it upon anyone. It is easy to think you might handle something in a certain way, but if one party gets very nasty during the divorce, it will cause lots of strife for all involved even if the other party tries to handle themselves in a respectable and fair way. Plus, I don't want to lose time or my influence over my children and I have seen how a bitter ex can use the kids to hurt the other spouse during a divorce.

 

Lisa

Edited November 20, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[Impish]

The things I'm afraid of when it comes to divorce is WCB forcing me into an appeal (no $ until the appeal is done) so I'd have no money.

 

The other thing is what it would do to my children. They adore their daddy. When he comes home, its like the Flintstones routine. Everyone, including the dog rushes for the door, crying, "Daddy's home! Daddy's home!" A divorce would kill them.

 

And I'd worry about Wolf. Yes, I know most women wouldn't worry about their ex, but I would. When I met him, he was surviving mainly on 'goulash'...Kraft dinner with ground beef, tomatoes and onion in it.

 

I don't ever want to go there. Divorce may not 'scare' me, but it would break my heart. :crying:

[Gooblink]

I'm not afraid of divorce - while anything could happen, I just don't see it happening between us. I'm more concerned about dh working himself to death. He's a wonderful husband and father, and I can't imagine our lives without him.

 

In the case of divorce, I know I can support myself and he would be there for the boys. I can't imagine my boys' lives without their dad, though.

 

My own dad died when I was young. It left a hole that only God was able to fill, and even then, not until I was already an adult and had made many, many mistakes that may have been avoided with fatherly advice.

Edited November 20, 2010 by Gooblink
Another goofy typo

[kwickimom]

Nope. I fear the death of him or my children. Divorce would suck, but if everyone was healthy and alive I would have that to be thankful for. I would take him for everything I could though :lol:

[kalanamak]

Yes. My divorce was easily the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It hurt for years. I would be better with this one, for ME, but I would be distraught about my poor son. I mean, I waited until I was 44 years old to have a baby, just so I could make pretty durned sure kiddo would have a dad who stuck around. He hasn't given me a moment's concern about "sticking around", but I know it would be just awful for me. Our retirement plans are different. If we don't compromise, we can part after kiddo is grown. I don't want to spend my twilight years away from all my family. Nor does he. :glare:

[Danestress]

I am not at all afraid that it will happen to us. I think it most unlikely. We have a happy marriage and great joy in each other. My DH is a family law attorney, so he gets to see the wreckage of divorce every day, and he comes home very motivated to build a strong marriage. I really love him and I feel very loved and respected.

 

But when I think of divorce, I definitely think of it as death. I'm not saying I would die. But something would die that I value very very highly. I would lose half of myself, and it's the half I really like. Seeing my DH married to someone else would just about kill me. Thinking of the grief that our mother would experience makes me heart sick.

 

So yes, I think divorce would rip my life to shreds, and the thought of it makes me very sad.

[Dawn in OH]

I don't fear it because I purposefully married a man who believes in marriage as much as I do, and we actively work to strengthen our marriage (including not spending our time on friendships with others of the opposite sex ;).)

 

 

 

The same here. I think it also helps, for us, that we weren't very young when we got together. I was 26 when we met, he was over 30 and divorced. We have agreed that divorce is not, nor will not be an option.

[RoughCollie]

I'm not afraid of divorce. I would be completely and utterly shocked if DH wanted one, however. It is not, and has never been, an option for us.

[katemary63]

I don't fear it because I purposefully married a man who believes in marriage as much as I do, and we actively work to strengthen our marriage (including not spending our time on friendships with others of the opposite sex ;).)

 

:iagree: My DH and I are like one person. We are as connected soul to soul as two people could possibly be. We are "hardly two seperate people anymore" and that's the way we both like it. If he were to betray that, cheat on me, leave me, I would feel like I were being ripped limb from limb. The gut wrenching screams that would come out of me would not sound human. I would be beyond devastated/ shocked and it would take me years to get over, I'm sure. I would, however, survive, since ultimately, my strengh and life lie in Christ.

 

Having said this, I don't fear divorce because I KNOW it will never happen to us. My DH is a trustworthy man of strength and character. My DH adores me beyond words! and would be even more devastated then I, if that's possible, at the loss of our relationship. It's him and me, baby, together, forever! Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!!!

 

Me: Living fearlessly wrapped in the arms of my beloved.

[kalanamak]

I don't get why anyone would decide to go ahead and have an affair and risk *everything*.

 

Not all cultures treat affairs as the end of the world. I remember an NPR interview about divorce the world over. One quote I remember, because it was funny, was about France, and the author said the mentality was "try not to have an affair unless you can't help it, but if you find out your spouse had one, try not to make a fuss."

 

Perhaps they "risk everything" rather than saying "well, I've got the 7 year itch, so it is time to get a divorce in case I find someone who is reasonable to have a fling with". Not everyone who has an affair is schtupping every they can get their paws on. Where I work (a bit of a hot bed of libido) there are long, established affairs. Hubby and wife work there, and so does the 3rd wheel. I can't imagine either spouse or third wheel would be pleased if things went beyond this one affair. (One spouse says very clearly "I'm not divorcing him. If he tries it on me, I'll take him to the cleaners. No way I'm clearing the way for them to get married." If you (not you personally LL) think it is weird to stay in a marriage because you can't afford to divorce, think about people staying in a marriage just to hamstring spouse's plans. Must be lovely dinner conversation!)

 

It harks back to a saying I'm fond of: the bonds of marriage are so heavy it takes two to carry them, and sometimes three.

 

Some years ago a dear friend had a brief fling, i.e. once. His wife of 21 years was very hurt, but he had regretted it as soon as it happened and came and told her, honestly. She said she wanted a divorce, and he asked me, in his shame, if he should just go along with this because she, as the wronged party, should have her way. I was recently divorced and told him EMPHATICALLY he had nothing to lose (and would not be a schmuck) for opposing the divorce. That is was worse than anything he could imagine, for both of them. He has never mentioned it again to me, and she never has, but they did stay together. They are such a lovely couple, I don't think they understand how devastating a divorce would have been to dozens and dozens of people!

[CalicoKat]

No.

 

But I do know that I will never marry again. Marriage is huge. And I would never willingly do this again with anyone else. Being alone isn't my desire though either.

 

Many of the things we've lived through together, any one of them alone, have ended other marriages. I'd like to think that those would make us stronger. But I'd be foolish to think we're immune.

 

Marriage is work. The fun moments, the happy moments, the "WOW!" moments all make it worthwhile. Hopefully the sad, difficult and horrific moments will get fewer.

 

Divorce wouldn't be the end of my life. I'd carry on and hopefully be a better person no mater what's next.

[LibraryLover]

Not all cultures treat affairs as the end of the world. I remember an NPR interview about divorce the world over. One quote I remember, because it was funny, was about France, and the author said the mentality was "try not to have an affair unless you can't help it, but if you find out your spouse had one, try not to make a fuss."

 

QUOTE]

 

Honestly. On some level that almost makes sense.

[Sophia]

No.

Dh grew up with divorced parents, hated it, and he would never allow that to happen to his children.

 

But...if the impossible happened, my fears would revolve around my dc.

I know I can survive anything~but I don't want my dc to just survive, I want them to thrive and a divorce would traumatize them.

[kewb]

No, I am not afraid of divorce. I think it is a viable option after a couple has tried all avenues of working things out. My concerns would be for my children. There is almost nothing I hate more then parents who use their children as pawns in the nasty end to their marriage. I have seen it and it is ugly.

[Wheres Toto]

I grew up with divorced parents and I'm divorced myself so, no I don't fear it. I don't see any possibility of it happening for dh and I though. We are very happy, in love, like each other, get along well, are both laid-back people and we're getting older so we're already past the mid-life crisis point. ;)

 

When I was divorced I swore I was never going to get married again. :glare: But, I am very, very happy I did.:)

 

I know a lot of people talk about the longer you're married, the less likely to divorce but I know mine was at 11 years and I know many couples who divorce after 20 or even 30 years. Those seem to be the ones that stayed together just for the children (including one where the wife didn't even know they were only together for the children :001_huh:).

[Laura Corin]

Interesting. My mother was remarried within a couple of years. Of course our personal experiences would color how we see this terrible possibility. There were no affairs involved with my parents divorce. My parents are civil. They attend the same events, right down to family 4th of July parties.

 

It was that betrayal that my mother never got over. My parents were civil for our sake, but the bitterness bit deep.

 

Laura

[MomOfOneFunOne]

I love my dh and we have been married over 20 years, but I am not afraid of divorce.

 

I would not want to be divorced, but I know I could live through it. If he had an affair and left, I would be angry and sad, but I know it would not be the end of my life.

 

The thread about having friends of the opposite sex and affairs got me thinking that 1. I don't think I am immune to bad things happening (I never think, "Why me?" but "Why not me?" I've expereinced late miscarraige, birth defects in a child, death of beloved family members etc) Although I do not think my dh would have an affair, I suppose anything is possible. 2. I would not die if I got divorced. I would carry on, and perhaps, maybe, find someone else to love.

 

It wouldn't be the same, of course, as a first love, but also not the end of the world. I would also try to be civil so that we could attend all of the things the future might hold...granchildren b'days, weddings of our children etc. I think that would be the saddest aspect-- not doing all of those things together.

 

Well, I live in a littel fairy land were nothing bad ever happens. If something happened to my marriage, I'd probably die of shock. I would be miserable and unhappy for a long time, I imagine. I mean, even if it were my fault, I'd spend so much time hating myself that I might never be happy again.

 

I am afraid of divorce, in general, though. Frankly, I've seen what happens to ppl who get a divorce and I've seen what happens to kids . . . I'm afraid that divorce is b/c so common and for it to affect my daughter and other children and later adults whether they get divorced or not. I'm afraid for my daughter to view divorce as normal.

[Gwenhwyfar]

everyone in my family is divorced - my parents, my maternal grandparents, my paternal grandparents, my stepmother's parents, various aunts and uncles...as a kid i thought it was normal. :p

 

as a result..divorce isn't something strange & scary in and of itself....

[Audrey]

Nope. I'm a strong person and I have options; I'd survive. Like LL, I'd work very hard to get along for our kids' sakes.

 

 

This.

[LauraGB]

Yes - but I don't fear the divorce itself; I fear the cause. I would be utterly devastated if dh left me for someone else or even "just because" (insert whatever you can come up with here, I suppose). I don't think I'd do well; likely I'd end up like LauraCorin's mom.

 

My friend's marriage that I posted about recently has gotten me thinking about this, and while I think it would suck existentially to not be able to afford a divorce (like her) when there is due cause for one (not physical abuse), I think it would be much worse just living through the reason itself.

[Joker]

I am a bit. My parents were married for 25 years and then my mom wanted out. She was really unhappy and it started affecting her health and she needed to get out. She remarried about five years later but my dad loved her until he drew his last breath. Now my mom lives with horrible guilt and wishes things had gone differently. I think I would be more like my dad if my dh left me and that does scare me. My dad always seemed fine but I know he carried a lot of hurt till the end. So, in my experience not everyone is just able to get over it and move on so easily and that's a bit scary.

[jld]

Not all cultures treat affairs as the end of the world. I remember an NPR interview about divorce the world over. One quote I remember, because it was funny, was about France, and the author said the mentality was "try not to have an affair unless you can't help it, but if you find out your spouse had one, try not to make a fuss."

 

 

 

Dh is French, and thinks affairs are very bad. He is the most committed man I know, in fact. And even though he thinks Clinton was a great president, he thinks that his cheating on his wife was a very selfish thing to do.

 

I think affairs are very hurtful. I would have to leave dh if he did something like that. Talk about breaking the trust completely. And I would hate myself if I did something like that to dh. And I should. Guilt can be a very healthy emotion.

 

My heart breaks for those who have been abandoned by their spouses. I bet those moms who are still hurting after 35 years really loved their husbands. What tender hearts. I'm so sorry they went through that.

 

Sometimes I think that men should be forced to take second wives instead of abandoning the first, if they want two women in their lives. They would have to meet all the original commitments they made to the first wife and children, plus take on the second wife and possible children, unless the first wife released them from the commitments.

 

For me, personally . . . although I would be very hurt if dh left me, I think I would have to accept it and move on. Ultimately, if he wants to be with someone else, I guess I would want him to be with that person. I deserve to be with someone who adores me. I deserved to be truly loved.

 

I really would be irritated, though.

[HRAAB]

I'm not sure what you mean. Am I afraid I might end up divorced? No. I know, never say never, but my dh and I share the same beliefs about the sacredness and indissolubility of marriage. In the 25 yrs. we've been married, I've never seen anything to make me doubt his commitment to his faith and to our marriage. Not that there haven't been times he hasn't wanted a vacation away from me, but I've never seen his commitment to the marriage waver.

 

Am I afraid of what divorce would be like or do to my family? Yes. Actually, scared to death of it. Would I live through it? Sure. Would my children live through it? Sure. But how well would we really survive? That scares me. I have adult friends my age who are still not over their parent's divorce. Maybe it's because we have so many years together and five children. Yes, divorce most certainly scares me.

[katemary63]

Well, I live in a littel fairy land were nothing bad ever happens. If something happened to my marriage, I'd probably die of shock. I would be miserable and unhappy for a long time, I imagine. I mean, even if it were my fault, I'd spend so much time hating myself that I might never be happy again.

 

:lol: Maybe this was directed at me? :lol:

 

Just in case - No delusions about a fairy land life of happiness where nothing bad ever happens here. I've lived through plenty of pain and sadness. I've come from a broken home where I was sexually abused my entire life. I'm estranged from most of my family who all have emotional and/ or mental issues. My DH's family is a collosal collection of narcissists and loones. We've been through job losses, moves, and a complete change of lifestyle due to income loss. I've raised 3 teenagers (enough said). I've suffered devastating physical illnesses and had many surgeries. (At this date I have been completely disabled for 5 months! and still undiagnosed.) I've been through hell and back a few times I assure you. My eyes are wide open. But I do have faith in two things. Christ. And my DH. I think our 28 years together speak for something. Oh, that and the fact that through it all, we are still dileriously happy with each other and eternally committed to our relationship which is the most important thing in our lives besides the God we both worship. :tongue_smilie:

[daughterofsarah77]

I hate to say it, but I am becoming less afraid of it. As much as I never believed it would be, it is becoming an option for me in my life. And what scared me about it was ruining my children by being the one making that choice...but I am realizing that my dh has made many "choices" in this marriage that have put me in this place.

 

I can make it financially if I need to, and if I need to figure out how to homeschool and work full-time, I will do that.