Do Your Kids Answer the Door?

[emzhengjiu]

In my post, I forgot to mention a few months ago my friend who lives a couple of buildings from us had her front door kicked in during the middle of the day. She wasn't home so the burglers leisurely emptied her apartment of anything that could be sold. Then, we had the nut case who started shooting in the air one evening. Thankfully, he didn't hit anything. Last summer, an 11 yo girl stabbed another child in the arm with a kitchen knife.

 

I'm trying to save enough money to move but unfortunately most places I can afford have similar problems. In the mean time, I pray and keep my door locked.

[LibraryLover]

Some of the posts were over the top. Seriously. Go read the post above my post that you don't like, for one.

 

One doesn't have to like or agree with everything people post. Don't let random posts be about you and yours. If it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't appy to you.

 

People can post in a thread their thoughts. I broke no part of the UA. Don't personalize what is not personal!

 

 

 

 

Then why on earth would you post such judgmental things about those of us who ARE doing what makes us feel safe? I don't have a green and luscious view or lovely ocean breezes. I have pretty much no breeze at all generally. And I don't have people dropping by because most of our friends don't live in town. I do, however, have magazine, window, and siding salespeople and religious reps on a regular basis. So my door stays closed, and I'm pretty sure my children won't talk in therapy about how stunted they are emotionally because I didn't let them open the door to everyone who came by :001_rolleyes:

 

 

If you don't have anything nice to say...

[Farrar]

Because the response has been so overwhelmingly negative (and like one of the PP, it makes me a little sad that everyone is so fearful about the safety involved), I'll chip in that my kids who are 5 answer the door. Of course, there's a good chance they're just out in the front yard anyway, so does that count?

 

We do have a rule here about not answering the door or being in the front yard if the adults aren't around. Occasionally, I run to the store up the block while dh is upstairs sleeping or working from home and then the kids know they cannot go to the door then.

[TN Mama]

Nope, my kids aren't tall enough to see through the peep hole to know who is at the door. And generally people we want to see don't come over without calling first.

[cani e porci]

DD10 and DS7 don't answer the door here unless I am with them. They've received very clear instructions that they are not to open the door for anyone, even people they know, unless I specifically tell them otherwise.

 

Three years ago, DD let a stranger into our home while I was in the shower. She'd seen him in the neighborhood and thought he might be a new neighbor, but he and a friend were running a carpet cleaning scam and were eventually convicted of rape and other crimes. Long story short, I called 911 when I realized he was in the house and managed to get his license plate number to the dispatcher.

 

We also have had problems with friends who assume that just because they've decided not to do school for the day (fellow homeschoolers), or that they have a free morning (in the case of an older friend who lives a couple of blocks away), my house is a great place to spend the day.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Some of the posts were over the top. Seriously. Go read the post above my post that you don't like, for one.

 

One doesn't have to like or agree with everything people post. Don't let random posts be about you and yours. If it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't appy to you.

 

People can post in a thread their thoughts. I broke no part of the UA. Don't personalize what is not personal!

 

Why? You know where she lives? You know that she was wrong when she said that a neighbor had committed a murder? You made a generalization about people who are more cautious than you are and even have some fear about the situation. People have different life experiences. And yes, sometimes people respond with more fear than necessary. But they are the ones responsible for their own children.

 

Honestly, an occasional "I was out of line" might help.

[melissel]

Some of the posts were over the top. Seriously. Go read the post above my post that you don't like, for one.

 

One doesn't have to like or agree with everything people post. Don't let random posts be about you and yours. If it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't appy to you.

 

People can post in a thread their thoughts. I broke no part of the UA. Don't personalize what is not personal!

 

Really? You think someone who feels more comfortable keeping the door closed because there have been several murders in the town they live in is over the top? That doesn't really jive with your "I think people should do what they want to do. What makes them feel safe. I really do." sentiment--with which I completely agree, by the way.

 

I never said you violated anything in the UA. You don't have to violate the UA to be impolite and offensive. And since you didn't quote anyone specifically, and you threw your sentiments into the discussion at large, where the majority of us are saying we keep our doors closed and don't let our kids answer them, I'm going to feel pretty sure you're referring to most of us. Sorry.

[Annie Laurie]

Nope, not for my 6, 8, and 9 yr olds. My oldest son answers the door, and when he was 12 a very aggressive saleslady called him a liar and was very rude and threatening to him. I had been changing a diaper and had ds answer the door. I heard that conversation from the bathroom where I was spraying off the cloth diaper and had to go over there and deal with the salelady- I was livid that my child answered the door in his own home and was called a liar and other nasty names for stating that his mom couldn't come to the door.

 

I myself have experienced very pushy salespeople at the door, so I won't answer it at all now unless it's someone I'm expecting or the mailman or UPS. I had a vacuum cleaner salesman get very pushy about demonstrating his vacuum and I wasn't interested in letting a strange man into my home. I had to close and lock the door on his face.

 

So, no little kids answering the door here. I do let them go out front alone when the other kids are home and out and they are allowed to cross the street. So like some other people said, we all have different comfort levels.

[LibraryLover]

I wasn't out of line.

 

You can put me on ignore, Jean. It's ok.

 

Why? You know where she lives? You know that she was wrong when she said that a neighbor had committed a murder? You made a generalization about people who are more cautious than you are and even have some fear about the situation. People have different life experiences. And yes, sometimes people respond with more fear than necessary. But they are the ones responsible for their own children.

 

Honestly, an occasional "I was out of line" might help.

[LibraryLover]

I think people should lock their doors if they feel safer.

 

I do think some people over react to events they can't control or worry more than is healthy. (I didn't say you).

 

In the end, you can't control other people's postings, only your reactions to them.

 

I have a couple of people on ignore and it helps me manage the boards. It's an option if you find it's the same people who push your personal buttons. If I am one of those people, please, and I don't mean in this in a snarky way *at all*, put me on ignore. Some posting styles don't work for people, and that's ok.

 

 

 

Really? You think someone who feels more comfortable keeping the door closed because there have been several murders in the town they live in is over the top? That doesn't really jive with your "I think people should do what they want to do. What makes them feel safe. I really do." sentiment--with which I completely agree, by the way.

 

I never said you violated anything in the UA. You don't have to violate the UA to be impolite and offensive. And since you didn't quote anyone specifically, and you threw your sentiments into the discussion at large, where the majority of us are saying we keep our doors closed and don't let our kids answer them, I'm going to feel pretty sure you're referring to most of us. Sorry.

[Matryoshka]

My kids are 12 and 9. I do leave them home for short periods, and then they are not to answer the door or the phone (unless caller ID says it's me or dh), or go outside.

 

But if I'm home, I haven't really thought about it. They don't answer the door if they don't know who it is, but our doors are all mostly glass, so it's easy to see even from a distance if it's someone we know or not. If it's someone they don't know, they call for me.

 

Usually the only people who come to the door that we don't know personally are the UPS and FedEx guys.

[Snickerdoodle]

In the place we lived before I used to keep the front door wide open (no screen) for all the neighbor kids to run in and out. I had lots of stop in guests & neighbors.

 

 

Not in our current location. No way, no how. Thankfully we will be moving soon.

[Hedgehogs4]

a few years back in the area that we lived there was a murderer going around door to door "selling" stuff. there were a couple of murders before he was caught...he was called the "crossbow killer" and my best friend's neighbor actually encountered him. thankfully she wasn't murdered, but the man got mad when she told him she wasn't interested and tried to close the door. he put his foot in the door and wouldn't let her close it. he quickly got very agitated and weird. when the reports came out, she realized that it was the same man who had come to her house.

 

so no. i do not let my kids answer the door unless i'm expecting someone i know, or unless i am right there with them. perhaps it depends on where you live, but being in more of a suburban area / metropolitan region, there are enough creepy people and news reports to keep me from taking that risk.

[LibraryLover]

Our back door used to not have a screen and i was forever saying, "You're letting in the bugs!" It was funny that I kept the back door locked at the time, but not the front. Locked so the kids couldn't open it from the outside and leave it open. ;) Meanie mom. Now we have a screen there too. I wouldn't let little tots open the door, only because some wander off, and when I lived in the city, we had a lock on the screen/storm door..because of little boys who like to roam. ;)

 

In the place we lived before I used to keep the front door wide open (no screen) for all the neighbor kids to run in and out. I had lots of stop in guests & neighbors.

 

 

Not in our current location. No way, no how. Thankfully we will be moving soon.

[Mommy22alyns]

No way! But I do let them lick the beaters when we make cake.

[sparrow]

No way! But I do let them lick the beaters when we make cake.

 

 

I hope that mixer is unplugged! That's a good way to lose a tongue!

 

 

ETA: :D

Edited June 27, 2010 by sparrow

[Hedgehogs4]

There is no way I am going to miss the gorgeous green and luscious view out my front door , or the lovey ocean breezes that manage to kiss our front yard, and make it through my large screened-in porch and front door.

 

This board knows how to danm the greatest pleasures in life.

 

Maybe country porch -sitting is a health hazard as well.

 

that was unnecessary. i think it's a fairly civilized discussion about safety here. you are entitled to whatever risks you wish to take. i think we all have a sense of what is safe and not in our given areas.

[Tam101]

My son, 8 1/2, only answers the door if it is someone he knows (Grandma, neighbor...). Otherwise he'll come tell me he doesn't know who it is. Funny thing is he just does this automatically. We have never, to my recollection, had a conversation about it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wasn't out of line.

 

You can put me on ignore, Jean. It's ok.

 

LL - 80% of the time I like your posting style and the "you" that peeks out at us through it. The 20% of the time when there are sarcastic jabs? You figure it out.

 

I am not going to put you on ignore. I would miss the 80% too much.

 

I am, however, putting myself on ignore. I plan to catch up on all the laundry that has piled up after days of the latest illness. And I plan to "**** the torpedos" and go out and mow the lawn no matter how I feel. Then I'll come back to my WTM addiction tonight (if the mods let me).

[Tam101]

No way! But I do let them lick the beaters when we make cake.

:iagree:

 

Raw dough and licking the beaters is a right of the child. :lol:

[LibraryLover]

LL - 80% of the time I like your posting style and the "you" that peeks out at us through it. The 20% of the time when there are sarcastic jabs? You figure it out.

 

I am not going to put you on ignore. I would miss the 80% too much.

 

I am, however, putting myself on ignore. I plan to catch up on all the laundry that has piled up after days of the latest illness. And I plan to "**** the torpedos" and go out and mow the lawn no matter how I feel. Then I'll come back to my WTM addiction tonight (if the mods let me).

 

I never hide who I am...well, maybe I don't post where my open door ;) is exactly, but i am always honest.

 

If you read certain things in a sarcastic jab way, maybe try not to do that if you enjoy my posting/writing style. It's a total package. :D My posts are not usually personal. If you are going to read my posts...please don't personalize them. Unless I say a name, as in you, Jean in Newcastle, they are not about you or yours or how you live your life or do what you do.

 

You didn't read fear-mongering and what if's and OMG in any of the posts on this thread, but some of us did. It's fine to comment on that, even in a way that is not all Sunshine and Roses.

 

And I like you too, Jean in Newcastle, even though we have different concerns about the world and see things a bit differently. :001_smile: (Personal, and heartfelt).

Edited June 27, 2010 by LibraryLover

[LibraryLover]

I hope that mixer is unplugged! That's a good way to lose a tongue!

 

 

ETA: :D

 

There must be a 5 pt harness for that, no? :D

[BlessedMom]

No

[Joanne]

I'm with LL on this one.

 

I never thought about age, but I'd say I didn't "allow" my kids to answer the door until 10 or so. Of course, for a large part of that time, I ran a home daycare and the door was business.

 

Now, with my kids at 11, 13 and 15, they can answer the door and also play outside if I do not happen to be home. In between bites of raw cookie dough.

[Guest janainaz]

My kids never open the door. In fact, they need a key to unlock the door from the inside out. My ds5 loves to answer the door and expects that a friend is always on the other side. My ds10 is very cautious and has always come and got me or dh to answer it.

 

I am protective of my kids and I think being overprotective in the right areas is wise.

[Guest CarolineUK]

I should mention that my oldest two also have a lot of karate weaponry!! Swords, nunchakus, etc

 

So, I'll definitely never let my children knock on your door ...

 

Maybe that's the answer, turn them into samurai knights.

 

Mine always answer the door. I can't imagine in a million years anything bad happening here. The UK just isn't that exciting.

[NanceXToo]

No. My 9 y/o is not allowed to answer the door unless she looks out and sees it is someone she knows. If it is not someone she knows, she has to get her father or I. Over-protective? Maybe. But that's the rule over here!

[cylau]

My kids are not allowed to open door. I don't even open door myself if I am not expecting someone. My front window is tinted so no one can look inside, or if my kids look outside see who the person is, nobody can see them from outside. I live in a good, safe neighborhood, but we have some solicitors that I don't want to deal with especially when I am homeschooling.

[AppleGreen]

Not the front door and I actually don't like to answer that one either! Anyone who really knows us knows we use the backdoor and if it is a friend my littles will answer it, but I am usually right there in the kitchen with them. Absolutely not on the front door. We live in a very safe little town, but right on the main street and I don't feel comfortable answering the door when I don't know the person. It just feels like I am putting myself in a vulnerable situation. I have never liked answering the door to someone I don't know.

[Momling]

Sure, my kids answer the door... but usually I'm there within a few seconds, because it's so rare anyone comes to the door. When my older daughter stays home by herself (never more than an hour at this point), I ask her to not open the door, though it's never actually happened than anyone has knocked.

 

But really.... our door's always unlocked anyway, and so is everyone else's doors, so it's not like some potential 'baddie' couldn't just walk in. I don't care to live in a world where I believe that danger lurks around every corner... so I don't live that way.

 

That said... when we I have lived in high crime areas, my feelings were different than here in a nice small town.

[2cents]

I don't let my kids open the door. I never open it unless I check out the window first. If there is a stranger at the door, I will talk through the window that is next to the door. I live in a good neighborhood but you never know. I worked the graveyard shift at a county court/jail so that may be a big reason for my cautiousness.

[duckens]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4besitos

Maybe instead of an alarm sign....I could design a "single income/hs family...nothing good to steal. No flat screen TVs. Old computer. No Ipods or expensive cell phones. Lots of garage sale treasures found here sign.

 

:lol: Seriously! I always say that anyone who breaks in here is going to be sorely disappointed.

You could rob me, but it would have to be for practice. :D

[Scarlett]

We have a peep hole. I don't even answer the door if I don't know who it is. Nor do my 17 & 18 year olds. Of course, that is entirely because we are anti-social but my 10 & 13 years old aren't allowed to open the door to people they don't know either. This sometimes leads to a annoying incidents. Last night my 13 year old came home and rang the bell, the 10 year old looked out the peep hole and didn't see her so she ran back upstairs. Meanwhile 13 year old is still ringing the bell. When we asked the 10 year old who was at the door she said no one and she was freaked out so she didn't answer the door. Since I was expecting the 13 year old to be home at about that time I figured out that is was probably her and went to let her in.

 

KH....this is funny.

[3littlekeets]

You know, this thread has me thinking....I don't let my kids answer the door mainly because I don't want to deal with salespeople, or them pushing their way past my kids to me.

 

If I answer the door, I simply say "No thank you. I never buy from door to door solicitors." I guess I could teach my kids the same thing either through a closed door, or through the chain. I am not worried about robberies in my neighborhood.

 

At 11, we are beginning to leave my DS at home for short periods of time alone-- we certainly wouldn't do that if we had any fear.

 

I've also read here about 13 and 14 year olds babysitting, and in those neighborhoods, certainly if they can watch other people's children, they should be able to make good judgments about choosing to open or NOT open a door.

 

Thanks for making me think about WHY I made a choice -- or fell into a pattern :D. For me, it was the latter -- with no good reason, unlike many here who have VERY good reasons!

[Sophia]

My five younger children like to answer the door together.

I don't know why, but they have never gotten over the thrill of hearing the doorbell.

My oldest rolls his eyes and pretends he doesn't know them.

 

Whoever is at the door usually has a surprised and cautious look on their face because they heard the elephant stampede and frantic grasps for the doorknob.

 

Yes, my dc do get out and see people on a regular basis.:D

[The Girls' Mom]

No, mine don't answer the door. Mostly because 99% of the time it isn't anyone we know. We have no family here, and haven't been here long enough to make friends that just drop by. The girls wouldn't be able to deal with pushy salesmen, or shady characters very well...so why chance it? Even when I answer it, I leave my dog right behind me barking like a mad dog, and I keep my body behind the door to block it if needed. It's all about the area we live in though.

 

Now, back in TN where we had family, lots of friends and neighbors we knew well, they would check to see who it was, then answer it if they knew them. If not, they would just yell for me...lol.

[Peela]

Wow, I find it so sad that there is so much fear in our society that even adults won't open their door, let alone allow their kids to.

 

I open the door, the kids open the door, always have. I have told dd16 if she is home alone sometimes, to check who is at the door before opening it. Not sure if she ever does though.

 

Now, answering the phone, that a different thing. I dont like answering the phone. I get the kids to do that for me!

[AnitaMcC]

I met someone who won't let their 8 year old answer the door because she's worried about safety (a crazy person could be at the door and snatch the unaccompanied child).

 

It never occurred to me not to let my kids answer the door now that they're old enough to turn the knob and speak politely (5 and 7 yo, fwiw)

 

So, is this whole not letting your kid answer the door thing common now or is she just being overprotective? (or both...)

 

 

 

The kids are not allowed to open the door until they are 12 or so. And even the teens are never to open the door to anyone they don't know well and never allow anyone into the house without Dh or I say so. But we also have an 110 lb akita dog who scares most people. My younger kids are allowed to go to the door, see who it is, and then come get an adult. If it is one of their friends or someone we know well, they holler to us that so-and-so is here and then they can open the door.

Edited June 28, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[swellmomma]

I never thought about it much. In our old place they could not answer it because you needed a key to unlock the deadbolt from the inside. At our new place, the inner door is often wide open with only the screen door shut and locked, so they talk to people through that. I have had to remind them to open the door a couple times because my daycare child and her mom will be standing there and I was coming from the far side of the house etc. Where we are now, I highly doubt anyone dubious is going to be showing up at my door, and if they did they would soon be begging to leave because of the chaos in my place lol

[Supertechmom]

For me it's not about fear but I don't want to deal with anyone on the other side. We ignore the doorbell like others do with a phone. Anyone who knows us knows they need to call and say "let us in" cause we don't even look out the glass. :D

[Delighted3]

My children may go to the door and see who it is. If it is someone we know, they can answer it. If not, then they need to say they do not know the person and either my dh or myself will answer the door. This rule applies until they are practically adults. My younger children who are 13, 11, 10, and 7 definitely folllow this rule and it is a firm rule at our house even though we live in a safe, suburban neighborhood. You just never know who could be at the door. If my 13 yo is babysitting, the kids are not allowed to open the door to a stranger period.

Joy

[TammyinTN]

DS answers the door all the time. He does check the peep hole to make sure it's his friends.

[Barry Goldwater]

Admittedly a bit paranoid, and mildly reclusive...but we live way out in the country. Our fw neighbors are not nearby like typical suburb or city, and they are elderly...no help there...The only thing the police can do here is draw the chalk line around your dead body...and their assault / murder investigation success rate is not too good either...also, too much ground to cover in a rural county, so for self defense, we're on our own.

 

I work @ home (I'm the DH), so I answer the door for the rare visitors, and DW answers if I'm not home. Strangers get greeted in the driveway (NEVER EVER EVER EVER invited in) and we'll talk there ("no, I don't want to be in your survey, no, I don't want to buy blah blah blah, no you can't hunt here but thanks for asking, try down the road, etc.").

 

But friends usually call ahead (so we can put away the dogs!) before visit.

 

I fear the "crash & grab" with the little one (5 yrs old)...it happened once a few years ago in CA (saw on the news), where a psyco grabbed a small child off a porch (!) in daylight (!!) and drove off. It did not end well:(

 

All our kids are trained to holler, "DAAAAAD...there's someone in the driveway!" if I somehow miss it.

 

As I said, I'll concede I might be paranoid, but past experiences have shaped our perspective. So there you go...

[iquilt]

If my oldest knows who it is, she will tell me who it is and ask if she can open the door and go out to talk to her. Mine are also allowed to play outside in our yard (gasp) without me standing right there, I may be inside watching from a window or cleaning out the garage. We have a "no solicitor's allowed" policy for our neighborhood, though, so that helps a lot. The only people who knock on our front door are neighbor kids or the UPS or USPS.

[fivetails]

In fact, they need a key to unlock the door from the inside out.

 

You need a key to get OUT of your house? Is that safe? I'd be worried about people getting out quickly in the event of a fire or something...

[shinyhappypeople]

Wow.

 

I'm really surprised at how many of you don't let your kids answer the door for strangers. I get it for younger kids (esp. in dangerous neighborhoods) but, to be honest, I find it a little disturbing not allowing a teenager to answer the door.

 

I'm concerned that sheltering them to this degree leaves them ill-prepared to deal with the real world on their own and could breed a lifelong anxiety towards strangers that goes beyond reasonable caution.

 

While it's true that we "just never know" what could possibly happen, I don't think reacting defensively is the smart response, especially as it pertains to our kids' safety.

 

At some point I think it's necessary to begin taking calculated risks in order to keep our kids safe. Confident, street smart kids who know basic safety rules (e.g. never ever go anywhere with a stranger, when you answer the door never invite a stranger in) are actually safer than their peers who are more sheltered.

[JudoMom]

I don't answer the door unless I know who it is, and the same goes for them. They do answer the door when we're expecting someone, but they're normally watching through the window so they know who is at the door.

 

Answering anytime the doorbell rings? No way. I live in a safe area in a fairly safe city, but there are still home invasions.

[MariannNOVA]

I haven't read the other responses, but my answer is no. Even with No Trespassing signs and No Solicitor signs, folks knock on the door or ring the bell.

 

FWIW, we have a long driveway, and I am usually nearby and can see if someone has pulled in and if I recognize who it is.

 

We do have a peephole - the kids can look through it till I get there to answer the door.:)

[angela in ohio]

Wow.

 

I'm really surprised at how many of you don't let your kids answer the door for strangers. I get it for younger kids (esp. in dangerous neighborhoods) but, to be honest, I find it a little disturbing not allowing a teenager to answer the door.

 

I'm concerned that sheltering them to this degree leaves them ill-prepared to deal with the real world on their own and could breed a lifelong anxiety towards strangers that goes beyond reasonable caution.

 

While it's true that we "just never know" what could possibly happen, I don't think reacting defensively is the smart response, especially as it pertains to our kids' safety.

 

At some point I think it's necessary to begin taking calculated risks in order to keep our kids safe. Confident, street smart kids who know basic safety rules (e.g. never ever go anywhere with a stranger, when you answer the door never invite a stranger in) are actually safer than their peers who are more sheltered.

 

That's a bit of a stretch based on one isolated facet of someone's parenting.

[angela in ohio]

Mine usually don't because the person generally wants to talk to me. We live out in nowheresville, and there are not a lot of neighbor kiddos here. What is the point of them answering only to have to come get me? Unless I want to pretend they're my butlers... ;)

 

We do have one and only one neighbor kiddo who comes over from the next house down the road. He had a very distinct knock (low on the door, very loud and long, and accompanied with him yelling hello) :lol: so ds (8 yo) answers when he knocks. My girls often get the door if they see the mail carrier, because she will give the packages to them.