Is it really so bad parenting teenagers?

[Michelle T]

My DS is 13, and while he certainly has his difficult moments, overall it isn't so bad. Sure I get tired of the occasional attitude, the endless eating and sleeping, the brain fog, but I can deal with it.

 

I have quite a few teenage nieces and nephews. My sibling and siblings-in-law seem to feel raising teenagers is just a terrible, difficult burden, and frequently give warnings about "just wait".

 

One SIL told DH yesterday that she buys cigarettes for her 14 yo DD. Another SIL screams abusive names at her teenage DD's. My DB has two early teen daughters that dress in astonishingly provocative clothing. All of these parents at various times have said that this is how it is with teens, that "just wait" and I'll be doing these things (or similar) too, that there is "nothing you can do about it".

 

So, is it really so bad? Have some of you successfully raised teens all the way through without such trouble? Is it just impossible to hold teens to any sort of standard? Or is it just my family and DH's? Should I be preparing myself for terrible years ahead?

 

Michelle T

[swellmomma]

I think the difficulty level depends on the personality of the teen, the parent and the relationship they have together.

[Kanga]

I have a 19 yo dd & a 17yo ds. Their teen years have been drama and trouble free. In fact I enjoy my kids more each year.

[LizzyBee]

I love having teens. One of them is sassy and smart-mouthed, but she was born that way, so it's nothing new.

[Plucky]

Not necessarily. I love having teens and haven't had any major problems. I think good family relationships and parenting goes far, but a child's nature is also a factor. Some kids personalities will just make it harder. If they don't have loving, determined parents behind them they really are sunk.

[MamaT]

We have dealt with attitudes and brain fog with teens, but nothing major. I have found that my kids hold themselves to high standards as teens. At that age they are deciding for themselves what kind of person they are going to be. That is when all the training, teaching, working on relationship, etc. comes to fruition IMO. My dh and I have a great relationship with our grown sons and still enjoy being around our 16yo. So no, it doesn't have to be an awful time.

[angela in ohio]

My oldest is only 13 yo, so I can't answer you (though my 13 yo is a doll so far,) but I asked this question of some really, really smart ladies one night(among them Mrs. Martin Cothran and Leigh Bortins, founder of Classical Conversations.) They all said that they absolutely love their teens and have none of the usual garbage you hear about. :001_smile:

[Ginevra]

I can't stand the "just wait" warnings. :glare: My SIL says that often. I truly hate it. My youngest is 12, so I don't know from experience, but I am optimistic that having a good relationship with your kids is the cornerstone of raising teens without the "just wait" warnings blowing up in your face. I'm sure they all have their moments, but I don't think it's inevitable that they will be horrible.

[JudoMom]

I think the difficulty level depends on the personality of the teen, the parent and the relationship they have together.

 

I also think expectations have a lot to do with it as well (said the woman whose oldest child is 10 :lol:).

 

As a broad generalization, I think parents who expect to enjoy their teens will have teens who are at least somewhat enjoyable, and parents who expect their teens to behave "as normal teens (ie poor behavior)" will have teens who behave poorly.

 

Of course, the factors quoted above play into it as well. I just don't buy the "teens are awful" line. I equate it with the terrible twos/threes line. Sure, it's trying and difficult to parent a 2-3 year old, but they can also be some of the most wonderful people on the planet. I imagine it's also trying and difficult to parent a teen, but they can also be some of the most wonderful people on the planet.

[Momma B]

Our sons are 15 and 17. We enjoy them both and while they can each be challenging at times, so can we, as their parents. :001_smile: I think part of it is the time we spend as homeschoolers developing more of a relationship with our sons and part of it is that they aren't hearing how they "should" act or how "dumb parents are" from their peers. We're working hard at making our home a teen hangout for the guys and their friends so that we can continue to provide a fun and safe place for them to hang out. :lurk5:

[Jennifer in MI]

I really think it depends on the child. My current 13 yo has his moments, but overall, he's a fun kid and I only see our relationship growing stronger as he gets older. My 11 (nearly 12) yo, however, is a totally different child!!! He's already giving me a harder time than the 13 yo. We're working on him. I pray daily that by nipping this in the bud NOW, we'll have an easier time in the future with him.

[Joanne]

One SIL told DH yesterday that she buys cigarettes for her 14 yo DD. Another SIL screams abusive names at her teenage DD's. My DB has two early teen daughters that dress in astonishingly provocative clothing. All of these parents at various times have said that this is how it is with teens, that "just wait" and I'll be doing these things (or similar) too, that there is "nothing you can do about it".

 

I am more mainstream than many parents here. Pop culture, contemporary secular music, sleepovers, hair cuts (and dyes), video games, nearly uncensored reading........all exist here.

 

My oldest (going on 15) has been in the center of an awful custody battle in which he was basically given carte blanche to be ......... a challenge to say the least.

 

EVEN WITH ALL THAT, I do not find his teen years to be awful, powerless, or a burden. In fact, I personally find it easier to be with, related to talk to, connect with and hang out with teens. We trade sarcastic jabs and call it relationship. :lol:

 

As exposed as he is to the mainstream and completely out of my control and supervision every other weekend, my teen still will on occassion hold my hand in public, put his arm around me, seek my attention in a good way, try to please me, try to do the right thing, care about appropriateness of dress, words, language and interaction. He volunteers at the library in the kids' section and is great with the kids at the YMCA homeschool program.

 

It's not easy, my life, but not because I have a teen. We've had many reasons for rebellion, disconnection, cratering to peer pressure but it hasn't happened.

 

The quote I have from the OP isn't typical, at least in my experience. It belongs on Jerry Springer, not presented as expected from parenting teens.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I have a 13 yo and a 15 yo and I'm still waiting for the nastiness everyone told me was coming to kick in. I LOVE my teens! I LIKE being with them! I ENJOY their company! I CHOOSE to be with them as much as possible because they're the people I enjoy the most!

 

I can't speak for everyone, but, I feel that I'm reaping the benefits of the relationship I have sown into my dc. I haven't spent their childhood dreading the teen years.

 

Sow into your dc now what you want to reap later on--character, values, etc. Not to say we don't have our days, but, it's really nothing horrible.

[Danestress]

I think parenting teens is very hard for parents who have a lot of need to be in control, to be right, and to make decisions. It's also hard for parents who really thrived on the "my kid thinks I hung the moon" part of parenting the early years. It's easier for parents who are able to laugh at themselves, relinquish control and distance themselves a little emotionally from the consequences of the decisions their children make. It's easier if you don't feel like your child is a direct reflection on you.

 

I did find it moderately sad to have my child graduate from following me room to room saying, "Mom, you are so great. You are the best Mom ever," and wanting to tell me everything and share everything. He still was pretty affectionate as a teenager (and as a young adult) but definitely I was no longer the queen of the universe, and I did mourn that change in relationship. I mean, really, I got demoted!

 

But I liked having a teenager in many ways, and that is true despite the fact that he wasn't one of those perfect, straight-A pleaser types. He didn't get into a lot of trouble, but his mouth could be a real problem. He was very hard on his father, who seemed more emotionally invested than I was in having a certain type of 'end product.' DH wanted a child who was academically ambitious, busy with activities, etc, and our son was annoyed when he felt he didn't measure up. I seemed to mind less that our son was sort of lazy. I felt less like he reflected on me, and I think part of that is that he was a boy. Maybe with a girl I would feel more invested in having her being a certain way. I also am better at saying, "his life, his choices."

 

They had a fair amount of conflict, and that was the hardest part of it, but again, it was the personality of my husband and of my son and that "mix" that made it hard.

 

But yes, it is hard. And it is also great. To me it was harder than having small children. I have three boys and thought they were all pretty easy to raise. I had only a handful of "bad" days with any of them until our oldest was a teen. I don't think I raised my voice more than a half dozen times until he his about 11. So if your kids have been harder all alone, you might not feel the change as much.

[MIch elle]

:glare:

[DB in NJ]

No, it isn't that bad, but a lot depends on your relationship to the kid, kwim?

 

I have an 18 yo ds and a 14 yo dd. My ds will be 19 in January; dd will be 15 in about a month.

 

So far, so good. No major problems with either one. No horrible, wretched attitudes, not much talking back, a lot of talking AND listening, a lot of give and take, a lot of respect -- both ways. No major struggles over attitudes, friends, music, clothing, habits.

 

Having teens has been a lot of fun. IMO, it's a heck of a lot easier than when they were babies!! Back then, I couldn't sleep unless they did. Now, I tell them to make sure everything's turned off and locked up before they go to bed, and off I go! I love it :D

[Donna A.]

We sure love and enjoy our teen so far! :thumbup1: She's not perfect... definitely has her days. But then, so do I. Everytime I start getting grumpy, I'm reminded that my teen (and future teen) daughters are watching and I'm setting the example.

 

It makes me horribly sad that so many people seem to "hate" their teens, or talk so negatively about them. :sad: I think a lot of parents don't even try that hard because they assume they're going to be horrible before they even get there, and then just give up. Why not assume the best and then treat them accordingly? They're real people with brains and abilities.... opportunities abound before them if we only let them!

 

A couple of resources that I've found extremely helpful and encouraging:

 

Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp (he's a Christian counselor) -- to be read by the parents. http://www.amazon.com/Age-Opportunity-Biblical-Parenting-Resources/dp/0875526055

 

and

 

Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris -- to be read by the teen, definitely, and it's a good idea for the parents to read it, too. http://www.therebelution.com/dohardthings/

[Tap]

Ds15 has been a gem. I can't imagine a better person. He still has a few years, but seeing his personality now, I can't not even fathom that change being possible in him (I know it is possible, its just against everything he stands for).

[TravelingChris]

I don't like the hormonal issues of my girls in particular though my son did have some major meltdowns. But overall, no, it hasn't been that bad at all. Certainly nothing like the OP describes in her relatives. None have rebelled at that stage. My son did get a beard and long hair as an adult but if he is rebelling, we aren't taking the bait:), I don't have any wait and see stories. I do caution people that just because you do everything right doesn't mean other things don't happen. You can be the best parent in the world- God fearing and everything- and mental illness, accidents, serious illnesses, etc. can affect your family. Regardless, I mostly enjoy being with my kids although since I am an introvert, I do need alone time.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I have to say that parenting teens has been challenging, but each age brings its own challenges. My teen boys (16 and 13) are nice kids who are a joy to be around, most of the time. When they are not, it is usually a sign that something is wrong and we work on getting to the bottom of it. We haven't had rebellion, smart mouths or nastiness. Most people who meet my kids find them great to be around (except those that think my kids are abnormal for being well-behaved and not slaves to pop culture.)

 

With my oldest, we struggle with his irresponsibility with his school work. He never wants to grow up and be responsible for himself. Then again, he isn't chomping at the bit for those priveledges that come with getting older as well. He doesn't mean to be irresponsible, but he is easily distracted (the ultimate absent minded professor.) He has had issues with depression and social anxiety. So this is where our challenges have come in.

 

My 13yo was a huge challenge from the time he was 3 1/2 until about 3 years ago. His was related to his sensory and auditory issues. Once we addressed these, he became a real joy to be around. We are often joking and joshing with eachother.

 

DD9 is such a joy that I want to keep her this age forever;) People tell me that girls are more difficult than boys, but I really have a hard time seeing this caring, compassionate, others-focused child turn into someone I don't recognize. I actually look forward to her teen years and having a close relationship with her. While I love my boys, she and I are very close.

 

So to reiterate what other people have said, it comes down to the relationship. Building that relationship takes work, but it is so worth it.

[BMW]

Well.... I am responding because I have a lot of teens...

 

I don't really enjoy it.

 

It's me, most likely. I don't like it that I am challenged at every turn. It wears me out. And I am SO outnumbered. I have 16, 15, 13, 12, 11, 10 and 10 and 6 of those are boys. I think they know they will wear me out if they question me continually and then when I am worn out, they are more likely to get there way so I can have some peace.

 

I would probably enjoy teen years much more if I only had a few children and could deal with it a bit at a time...

 

And, no, my kids don't get into much trouble. My oldest (19 and mostly out of the home now) rebelled and made choices I stand against, but, I loved her through it all and without freaking out and we get along all right. I just don't like her living with me! I have all sorts of personalities with all of these. I see a spectrum of "teen" issues... but, only the first crossed lines that I really, really don't like.

 

And I think some teens rebel more if they have certain learning/behavioural challenges... which we are trying to avoid. Our pediatrician helps us keep a close eye on our son who has adhd and low self esteem... he is one who would rather follow the crowd and get in TONS of troulbe if the crowd will help him feel good about himself. That is hard... and we try to nurture our relationships with him and hope to avoid those problems (he is 12).

 

Teens... I don't like their sleep patterns... I am a "to do" list person and if I say "Hey, you get the floor swept and I'm swapping the laundry." I do NOT want to hear, "You should have respect for me and say please..." Nope. Don't want to hear it. I don't want to be talked back to by these teens... Yeah, I understand about relationship... But, I am the mom and work hard for all of us... so... And, my teens are very social.

 

Anyway... I think my answer would be totally different if I just had a couple of these teens...

[Perry]

My 15 year old is a good kid, and there isn't much drama or rebellion here. It's much easier than I expected, and she's much easier than I was at that age. But I admit I find it very stressful. Mainly because I don't know what I'm doing. :confused:

[Caitilin]

In fact, I personally find it easier to be with, related to talk to, connect with and hang out with teens. We trade sarcastic jabs and call it relationship.

 

:iagree: this is what my relationships with the homeschool teens I teach is like--and I love it. :) On the other hand, all my close relationships are more or less that way! :lol:

Edited November 3, 2009 by Caitilin

[LaxMom]

Quote:

 

Originally Posted by swellmomma

I think the difficulty level depends on the personality of the teen, the parent and the relationship they have together.

I also think expectations have a lot to do with it as well (said the woman whose oldest child is 10 :lol:).

 

As a broad generalization, I think parents who expect to enjoy their teens will have teens who are at least somewhat enjoyable, and parents who expect their teens to behave "as normal teens (ie poor behavior)" will have teens who behave poorly.

 

Of course, the factors quoted above play into it as well. I just don't buy the "teens are awful" line. I equate it with the terrible twos/threes line. Sure, it's trying and difficult to parent a 2-3 year old, but they can also be some of the most wonderful people on the planet. I imagine it's also trying and difficult to parent a teen, but they can also be some of the most wonderful people on the planet.

:iagree:I have a 20 year old. She was a petulant, self-centered teen with an astonishing sense of entitlement. She is also the child of my ex, and he and his wife had a LOT to do with cultivating her attitude.

 

Personality and influence issues aside, I think the biggest challenge is a graceful segue from parenting a child to parenting an adult.

[Mommyfaithe]

I LOVE parenting my younger teens. As a matter of fact, that was my all time favorite part of motherhood. HOWEVER...Keep those 18-21 year olds far away from me!!! There is a reason for live on campus college...and that is 18-20 year olds are the absolute PITS!!! They make stupid decisions and you somehow become an instant moron. My oldest came back to her senses somewhere around 21 and dd seems to be coming back too. OH...but I still have 5 more to live through...I am just NOT going to think about it.....

 

Faithe

[mrscopterdoc]

I'm still waiting for the nastiness everyone told me was coming to kick in. I LOVE my teens! I LIKE being with them! I ENJOY their company! I CHOOSE to be with them as much as possible because they're the people I enjoy the most!

 

I can't speak for everyone, but, I feel that I'm reaping the benefits of the relationship I have sown into my dc. I haven't spent their childhood dreading the teen years.

 

 

We sure love and enjoy our teen so far! :thumbup1: She's not perfect... definitely has her days. But then, so do I. Everytime I start getting grumpy, I'm reminded that my teen (and future teen) daughters are watching and I'm setting the example.

 

It makes me horribly sad that so many people seem to "hate" their teens, or talk so negatively about them. :sad: I think a lot of parents don't even try that hard because they assume they're going to be horrible before they even get there, and then just give up. Why not assume the best and then treat them accordingly? They're real people with brains and abilities.... opportunities abound before them if we only let them!

 

 

:iagree:

I have loved every age that dd has been, but the teen years are some of the best so far.

[Cindy in the NH Woods]

 

Personality and influence issues aside, I think the biggest challenge is a graceful segue from parenting a child to parenting an adult.

 

 

Well put!

[amy g.]

Yesterday, I would have told you it was fantastic!

 

Today, I want to shoot myself in the head. Should a hormonal 9 month pregnant mom try to reason with a hormonal 13 year old boy?

 

Maybe I'll just quit talking.

[Peela]

I think homeschooling provides an advantage because the teens can reach out to find their independence and freedom and individuality, and their peers....without feeling they need to sacrifice and rebel against their parents. As much, anyway. My teens have said to me they are so glad for their parents. I give them lots of freedom, try not to micromanage them, allow them to have their privacy, go out of my way for them, and hold them to stay contributing members in the household.

In school, the culture is actually anti- parents, in my experience. Parents are disempowered in the institution of school (just go and try to make yourself heard in a school- good luck), and by the teen years, many kids have lost respect for their parents, if not long before. Its part of the culture, and they want to be accepted by their peers- that seems to be an inbuilt genetic program.

My teens are great. My 13yo son can be a real difficulty but he has always been- he just has hormones as well now. And its ok- it's really ok. He has taught me unconditional love. My 15yo is just a sweet heart. We all get on well and they are happy teens- in itself, that is apparently not a normal thing. Many teens are full of angst, at being not understood.

Institutions don't respect teens- people do. And when teens are stuck in an institution, they know they are not respected and they rebel and they fight back. And parents just dont know what to do, so in the hope of maintaining a half decent relationship, they sacrifice many of their values. We just dont seem to need to do that at home. (I am speaking in generalisaitons of course and I have my bad days with one of my teens, but then, I did when he was younger too)

[Mommyfaithe]

I think homeschooling provides an advantage because the teens can reach out to find their independence and freedom and individuality, and their peers....without feeling they need to sacrifice and rebel against their parents. As much, anyway. My teens have said to me they are so glad for their parents. I give them lots of freedom, try not to micromanage them, allow them to have their privacy, go out of my way for them, and hold them to stay contributing members in the household.

In school, the culture is actually anti- parents, in my experience. Parents are disempowered in the institution of school (just go and try to make yourself heard in a school- good luck), and by the teen years, many kids have lost respect for their parents, if not long before. Its part of the culture, and they want to be accepted by their peers- that seems to be an inbuilt genetic program.

My teens are great. My 13yo son can be a real difficulty but he has always been- he just has hormones as well now. And its ok- it's really ok. He has taught me unconditional love. My 15yo is just a sweet heart. We all get on well and they are happy teens- in itself, that is apparently not a normal thing. Many teens are full of angst, at being not understood.

Institutions don't respect teens- people do. And when teens are stuck in an institution, they know they are not respected and they rebel and they fight back. And parents just dont know what to do, so in the hope of maintaining a half decent relationship, they sacrifice many of their values. We just dont seem to need to do that at home. (I am speaking in generalisaitons of course and I have my bad days with one of my teens, but then, I did when he was younger too)

 

You know Peela...I thought so too...BUT you can't homeschool them forever...and then the school mentality kicks in (and has kicked my rear many a day) where they learn we are stupid and mean and that our morals are wrong..yadda...yadda...yadda...Why can't I sleep over my boyfriends house...why do I have to get a job?? Why can't you be like other parents?? I can't do my chores because I have homework.

 

Now, we did not have other severe problems such as drugs, teen pregnancies, and the such but....

OY!!!

 

I really thought we had escaped all the attitude crap. I had a great relationship with my older kids until they started college and then the proverbial poop hit the fan..We just delayed it...BUT hopefully it won't last as long.

Seems my kids grow out of it by 21.

 

~~Faithe (who really wishes she had nicer things to say about those older teens.)

[Barb_]

I think the difficulty level depends on the personality of the teen, the parent and the relationship they have together.

 

Well said. It also depends on the age of the teen as he or she continues to go through childhood stages until well into the 20's

 

Barb

[JennW in SoCal]

Parenting teens is tough even when you don't have rebellious and difficult kids. It is tough because of the decisions you have to make -- at what age can they drive, have an outside job, start making decisions for themselves. Those situations are far more serious than potty training and teaching them to read or tie their shoes! They are life and death issues, decisions that can close doors to certain colleges, and your kids have minds of their own but not always the life experience to understand all the ramifications of their choices. They have to be able to make mistakes and fail and you have to keep that relationship open and trusting so they will come to you for guidance.

 

I enjoy my teens, and feel I am reaping the rewards of having done a decent job raising them, but the worries I have as they grow up and become more independent keep me awake at night as nothing else ever has. And I have never experienced the kind of sheer terror I had the first time my oldest ds was behind the wheel!! I never thought he would be able to get on the freeway much less pass a driving test!! It's this kind of stuff I'm thinking of when I say "just you wait" to moms of younger kids. But I am vowing to stop saying that as of tonight!

[Lolly]

I am enjoying teens! My eldest is 17; youngest is 12. These are the best years.

[Nestof3]

Aaron only got better and easier with age. I cannot speak for Nathan or Ben, yet. All of my close friends would say that they don't have any real trouble with their teens.

[KidsHappen]

It depends on so many things: your personality, their personality, their maturity, how fast you are willing to let them grow up, hormones. I have five the are 13 or older and the story is different with everyone of them. The oldest (the boy) was the easiest teen. Charming, handsome, well behaved, funny, very repsectful of his mother but when he wasn't living me me he managed to get himself into a whole heck of a lot of trouble.

 

The middle three dds were easy peasy. A little moodiness from 13-15 but nothing major. They settled into fine young ladies by 16 and all had matured into their adult rolls and left home by 17.

 

The one that turned 13 just a few dat ago might be somewhat different. She is my bi-polar one. So imagine dealing with a hormonal bi-polar teen when you are bi-polar yourself and you can begin to imagine what my life will be like for the next few years. It is going to take every ounce of resources that I can summon to make it through the next few years with my sanity intact.

 

I think the youngest will be like the older three. And once they reach that young adulthood they are an absolute pleasure and I enjoy their company.

 

I do think that the more time they spend with agemates, the greater the potetial for teen problems. Family time is best followed by community.

[SonshineLearner]

I have 2 step daughters 17 and 14... and my daughter is 11. (and a son 6). I think that "Teen" may be an unwise label to attach to the years. I prefer, young adult. There is no room to make stupid mistakes that affect the rest of your life. Trying new foods... staying up late... sleeping in late... etc.... these you can do. Me buying my child cigarettes... (WHAT!!) or anything harmful... NO Way!! I'll let my kids try wine or beer at home... (religious ceremonies, right??) BUT.. not drink "a lot".... I'll explain sex and the problems... I'll make sure to not have them in certain circumstances until they are 100% responsible for their own choices... but the responsibility is handed over to them in highschool. The get to decide... Live for God... or Self.... and purely Secular... Live for a Good Future?? Live for the Moment....

My teens have been great so far. My husband will not let a talk go down that doesn't get resolved. The love him.. sometimes I'm jealous that my daughter and our son... also seem closer to him than me... Oh well, he's a great dad... and they adore him. He cares too much to not keep them safe.... The transition period... at 18... like the total transition... will be hard..

Carrie

[Amy1k]

I'm raising a very difficult teen (16.5)...some days I wonder if we'll both survive. He has always been...difficult. I also am experiencing raising a much more relaxed teen (13.5)...and he's always been very easy going.

[Alphabetika]

This has been said in other responses but I have to echo it: relationship and expectations. Cultivate the closest relationship you can by just plain BEING THERE, even if you're silent. Just be together in the same room if that's all you can do. And treat your teens like the adults-in-training they are, not like glorified preschoolers. Expect more from them than the world does. And pray. In fact, prayer should come first.

 

I love having a teenage daughter. It's not trouble-free, but it's not the slough of despond that so many believe it will be. In our family, I think homeschooling has been the first step towards this. I know this is not always true - homeschooling doesn't guarantee a great teen any more than other schooling methods guarantee a troublesome teen. But I know, because of my teen dd's personality, that she would be a VERY different person if she'd been in traditional school for the past 9 years instead of at home.

 

Take heart.

[Haiku]

 

So, is it really so bad?

 

In my experience, yes. My teen is a nightmare.

 

Is it just impossible to hold teens to any sort of standard?

 

No. We have standards our teenager must adhere to. For the most part, she does. The problem is that it's with endless attitude, whining, pity-partying, poor-me-ing, and a complete lack of perspective. My dd acts like a queenling who should be fawned upon at all times and views any request or expectation as a personal affront. The other problem is that it seems like she deposited her brain behind a tree and forgot to retrieve it. She does really dumb things and seems to have no understanding of why they were dumb. She acts put-upon all the time. She's just really unpleasant.

 

Sure I get tired of the occasional attitude, the endless eating and sleeping, the brain fog, but I can deal with it.

 

I thought I could, too, but as it drags on over the years, it gets harder to be philosophical about it.

 

Tara

[Tammyla]

My teen has always been a sweetie, it's just part of her personality. She has her moments, but they are nothing to fret over.

[hsmamainva]

I love my teens!!!!

 

My oldest is 18 and the teenage years have really been a joy...which is funny, because she used to drive me up a proverbial wall when she was little! She was a chatterbox who talked my ear off from the time she could walk. But all of that conversation really helped us to get to know each other and it's paid off in the long run. She can talk to me about anything. When she and her boyfriend were ready to "move to the next level of their relationship", some 6 months ago, she came to me and we made the trip to the OB/GYN together. We've been able to give her a great deal of independence and she has a good head on her shoulders.

 

My 15 year old is a bit more of a challenge...he's an introvert and very sensitive, so we sometimes rub each other the wrong way, but he's working very hard on expressing his feelings, rather than waiting until they boil over. The challenge with him is that he has high-functioning autism and puberty is really throwing him for a loop. But we're working on it!

[Quiver0f10]

I have a 19 yo dd & a 17yo ds. Their teen years have been drama and trouble free. In fact I enjoy my kids more each year.

 

 

:iagree: I have a 20, 19, 18, 16, 15 and 13 yo and I can say I love having teens! Sure, they have their moments, but I love and treasure these years.

[6packofun]

I agree. I also think that for many parents the teen years take on an aspect of urgency for dealing with the child's character, personality, decision-making abilities and general flaws (normal or not) because the time crunch before they leave us is ON. lol We realize that we only have this kid for 2-3 more years and want to make the most of that time in helping them grow into wonderful adults. As they fail or make poor choices, it may seem much more serious to solve those issues and can squash some of the fun and delight in parenting teens.

 

Ask me how I know. lol I love my teens and think this part of life is pretty great. But that urgency to do right by them is at the forefront of my mind a lot of the time.