mamato4girls Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 My 12 yr dd has a friend who wears A LOT of strapless tops, she is also 12 and has a BODY- does not look 12!! Since being friends with this girl, who otherwise is great, also hs'd, good family, etc- my dd is wanting to wear more revealing clothes. My oldest who is 14 never really wants to wear anything like that, my 12 yr old is rather petite, skinny, and not busty. I don't think it is appropriate for a girl to wear something like that so young, am I in the dark?:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riverfront Headmistress Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Strapless clothing may be worn with an appropriate cardigan over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura R (FL) Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Fortunately we haven't had to cross that bridge. My 13 yo wore cute tops that had spaghetti straps when she was 11/12. She doesn't like the strapless look and think she's afraid of a wardrobe malfunction anyway. :eek: My almost 15yo wouldn't be caught dead in anything less than short sleeves, so no problem there. phew! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 My dh says either 30, or after he's dead, which ever happens last. :lol: I agree with you. Completely inappropriate for a 12 yo. I honestly don't have a clue what age WOULD be appropriate, because laughter aside, I kinda like dh's answer...although I'm far more lenient than he, and would say, 21 or married, which ever happens last. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2Smile Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 my 15 yr old is so modest she wont even wear a tank top...I have no idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I don't feel strapless clothing is appropriate at ANY age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2Smile Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I don't feel strapless clothing is appropriate at ANY age. I agree with this too!:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 My 16yo would never DREAM of wearing anything like that....thankfully. *IF* I had to make a rule, it would be "when you live in your own house, you can make those sorts of decisions." But I won't have to make that rule either. My dd is more conservative than I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Only appropriate if you're in a bridal party and the bride has spoken. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I don't feel strapless clothing is appropriate at ANY age. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Only appropriate if you're in a bridal party and the bride has spoken. :glare: I need to see those pics....:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Never. OK, well, maybe that's unrealistic. Not 12. I want to say in college, when I don't know about it. I suppose sometime in high school we'll be reviewing this. I wouldn't agree to tube tops, but perhaps some formal dresses over age 16 at least. A 12 year old is still getting used to a changing body and still learning issues of modesty and does not know much (I hope) about sexuality so for me revealing clothing at that age would be a no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 At what age is this appropriate ? Family views are going to vary on this. My own opinion is that such garb never is appropriate. I always feel particularly sad when I see a young woman enter a church for her own wedding, preparing to make serious vows in front of God, while semi-clad in a strapless wedding gown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamato4girls Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Speaking of church this same girl that my dd is friends with wears strapless tops to church, church gatherings, etc. I do not want my dd to think that is acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxMama Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Never and she's almost 18. Our clothing rule is no exposed tummy/back and you must be able to wear a regular bra without straps or cleavage showing. Thankfully this is a non-issue in our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Q Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 So far - never. Now that our oldest is 18 she may want to wear something that stretches our family standards but I think it unlikely as she is the sort to be self-conscious and worried about a wardrobe malfunction! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 For us, it depends on the specific outfit and the girl. Some things that look cute on an undeveloped, slender girl would look outrageously slutty on an older girl with curves. One of our favorite outfits my daughter wore when she was 7/8 was a halter top. It matched a skort that was probably mid-thigh length. It looked like she was ready to hit the tennis courts when she wore this outfit. However, it didn't look sexy in the least...not on her anyway. Now there is tons of clothing out there that I would never allow my daughter to wear. For example, she's not allowed to wear short skirts or pants with words across the butt. We haven't come across a sleeveless top that we would buy but we do allow spaghetti strap tank tops (the latter will probably be out of the question once bras are needed). There's tons of clothing I see on girls that I think is ridiculous and completely inappropriate for that girl. My husband is the most modest man I've ever known. Heck, he's more modest than many women I know. I tend to think I'm somewhat conservative but I judge clothing based on what daddy would think. With this group, it appears that we are not even close to conservative. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Well, I don't wear strapless, so in our house, none of our daughters would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLH in ND Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I don't feel strapless clothing is appropriate at ANY age. :iagree: But my oldest dd is trying to push the envelope with her ideas of what an appropriate neckline is, etc. so we've had some interesting conversations about this very thing, lately! Someone made the "when you live in your own house...." comment. That very line has been coming out of my mouth, too. Sheri :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annabanana1992 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I must agree - strapless is never appropriate. We also don't go for bra straps showing either, and you have to be able to bend over and not have a peep show... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 My DD is only 5, and I have what I feel are fairly reasonable rules of what is appropriate for her to wear. No very short shorts or skirts, no midriff showing, and at least cap sleeves on shirts. This has only been a point of contention when I make her layer a t-shirt under some of the things DH's stepmom has bought DD, such as a tank top. I myself feel most comfortable in a very modest mode of dress, but once DD is in her teens I will probably give her a good deal of free reign...salted with much discussion of what what she's wearing says about her, her intentions in wearing it, etc. As a teen I pretty much lived in jeans and T-shirts, interspersed with a big sweater-and-leggings phase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Nobody in our house wears them - or the spagetti style. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I wouldn't have allowed my dds to go strapless, even with a light jacket or cardigan or whatnot over it. *I* don't even go strapless, except once long ago when I went to Hawaii, and it was appropriate, KWIM? But no, no strapless goings-on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runninmommy Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Personally, we don't even let our daughter wear tank tops out in public, let alone strapless ones. She is about to be 12. We talk a lot about modesty and appropriate dress. I think it is important to teach that they can wear stylish clothes that become them without "going there" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 My DH has an interesting comment about women's attire. He observed to me that what catches a man's eye is often the perception of access. So things like strapless tops and open back shirts. I would vote no on strapless. Seems like this is as good a time as any to reenforce the idea that what is done by friends isn't necessarily going to be ok for your family. I might also consider a gentle word at some point with the other girl or her mom. It may be that they haven't quite realized how much she has blossomed. I would hate to have a young teen becoming someone that young men were hovering over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ticklbee Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I would consider digging a little deeper with your dd about "why" she wants to go strapless. What look is she hoping for? Does she think that this will help her to look cool or pretty or popular? Once you have answers to these then I think it would be easier for you to address why this wouldn't be appropriate attire for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Well, I have a couple of strapless, well-fitting dresses that I wear. One of my motives when wearing them is to ensure I'm going to "get some" when I get home. :D So, at 12... yeah... no question that it's not appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsintheGarden Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 At what age is this appropriate ? Family views are going to vary on this. My own opinion is that such garb never is appropriate. I always feel particularly sad when I see a young woman enter a church for her own wedding, preparing to make serious vows in front of God, while semi-clad in a strapless wedding gown. :iagree: It was frustrating for me to see a recent Focus on the Family ad featuring a bride in a strapless gown. Strapless, tight, low-cut, etc. - it's not for me or my daughters. Just my $0.02. GardenMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherInWI Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Another "never" here. If she wants strapless lingerie for her wedding night and after, I'm all for it. But, until then, I want people to see what a wonderful person she is, not how much skin she can show. (I'll assume that her future dh will already know what a wonderful woman she is.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 At what age is this appropriate ? Family views are going to vary on this. My own opinion is that such garb never is appropriate. I always feel particularly sad when I see a young woman enter a church for her own wedding, preparing to make serious vows in front of God, while semi-clad in a strapless wedding gown. My SIL wore a strapless dress in her wedding. About a year or so later she told me that she regretted it. She said she hated that she was going to have to look at that strapless dress for the rest of her life. She doesn't wear strapless or spaghetti straps anymore for modesty reasons. My girls won't wear strapless or spaghetti straps. They definately won't wear those backless shirts - my boys call those "mud flaps!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I think that is too young for a strapless dress. I think it is too young for spaghetti straps, even. I allow spaghetti straps on formals for young women, not little girls. And I would allow my older daughter to wear a strapless formal if she had her heart set on it, but I would be clucking my tongue and telling her horror stories about the dress falling down the whole time. Fortunately we have not had this be an issue. I made a lovely gown with spaghetti straps for my oldest daughter when she was on the homecoming court. My middle daughter once chose a pattern for a strapless gown with a bolero for a band event because she loved the style of the gown. I simply added straps, which were hidden by the bolero. You can be elegant and modest at the same time. I will give a little on formals because I understand that showing your shoulders at a formal is not inappropriate, but at 12? No way, no how. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Speaking of church this same girl that my dd is friends with wears strapless tops to church, church gatherings, etc. I do not want my dd to think that is acceptable. I expect that in all situations our dc will face other families that have a different set of values/rules. As is in your case with dd's friend, this would be a time that you would have to tell your dd your family's beliefs about modesty. In churches or even among Christians, there is a wide variety of modesty beliefs (pants or no pants debate being one of them??). So this is a tough one since you don't want your dd to be judgmental towards her friend but still accept your family's belief system in this area. And I don't have dc that age yet so I'm not sure what they know about lust and issues related to that. Modesty relates to those issues and it may be worth reviewing w/your dd if it is age appropriate. So far I've only had to defend my beliefs in regards to pierced ears with my dd and we've already had many conversations about different families have different rules, etc. I'm not looking forward to the situation you describe but I'm sure I'll be there some day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 you don't want your dd to be judgmental towards her friend but still accept your family's belief system in this area. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 There's a difference between acting "judgmental" and speaking the truth in love. There is no reason the OP's daughter couldn't explain to her friend that she isn't wearing a strapless shirt because it exposes too much skin and her parents don't feel it is modest enough. That to me is being a light. Saying "you look like a tramp by exposing yourself like that" is very different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classical Katharine Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Strapless sends a message to guys. They know what it means. The girl doesn't always know what it means, but the guy does. If he picks up on the message, the girl has trouble on her hands. If she never intended that message and swats him away, that's good as far as it goes, but it's better not to tempt the guys in the first place: safer for her, and more considerate to them. Your dd may not have a figure now, but she will soon, and besides, if she is palling around with well-endowed-in-strapless friend, if she goes strapless too, they together will be sending the same message. Less well-endowed is not without its charms. She may be your little girl but the outside world sees what she is growing into. I'm not a prude. Figures are great and sexual attraction is meant to occur in its time and place. But dd's beauty has power to do harm and to do good, to herself and to others, and she needs you to teach her and protect her so she can save the intimate secrets of her beauty for that one special man some day, in private. Premature experiences and relationships are just going to damage her, and exposing too much now is a quick path to those experiences and relationships. Thanks for asking and for thinking about it on your daughter's behalf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdeno Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherLynn Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Oh my...I didn't realize I was such a harlet. I wear strapless shirts because I like the way they feel. Nothing to do with showing skin, as all it shows is my shoulders. I would not wear them to church or work, but out to run errands or around the house, yes. I have no cleavage in them. DH doesn't think it is inappropriate for me to wear them. On DD it would be like everything else: what it covered and didn't, where she would be when she wore it, and who may be exposed to it. Around the house, no problem. Anywhere else, it would depend on a lot of other factors. Of course, we do let DD wear tanks too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 To make this type of thing simpler for us all around, dh has some rules about clothing. He wouldn't allow that. We don't allow spaghetti straps, bikinis, super-tight clothing, or short shorts...we also say no to the dark-looking clothing (I can't describe it well, but know it when I see it). Dd is very much the fashionista...her ps friends and homeschool friends say so, how put-together she always is. She really does dress cute! We have found ways to help her be as fashionable as she wants while keeping things covered and staying within some boundaries I typically want to see things on her before I will okay them. Some things just "look" provacative when they wouldn't on a hanger. She put together an outfit the other day of a strapless top with a wide-strapped tank underneath. It should have been appropriate, but something about it just wasn't. I nixed it. She is okay, for the most part, because I allow her to be creative with the things that we do allow, and she is allowed to be bright and fun. We too have a couple of friends that, at times, influence her clothing in ways we don't like. We just have to say no to her on those items. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in NH Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I don't feel strapless clothing is appropriate at ANY age. :iagree: I'll put my I agree with this too. never appropriate... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I don't feel strapless clothing is appropriate at ANY age. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 I'm sort of torn on this. I wouldn't have my daughter wearing strapless stuff but yet I remember running around in tube tops when I was around 8 and 9. I think back in the 70's the difference was cultural. A tube wasn't a sexually loaded piece of clothing just something convienient to wear with an old pair of shorts and your ratty summer sneakers so you could be a little cooler when running around the cow fields or climbing trees on a day with nice breezes. In a different time, I'd say they're fine. Now, I'm not sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 No need to go calling yourself names -- I don't think anyone here is. There just happen to be women here who deem them inappropriate -- I'm sure you can find just as many who find no fault with them. That's the way it is with most things -- books, movies, experiences, etc. My husband and 19 year old would say that it reveals too much of a woman's body to be appropriate. Since they are men who strive to be honoring in their thought life regarding women, I trust their judgment on these things. Oh my...I didn't realize I was such a harlet. I wear strapless shirts because I like the way they feel. Nothing to do with showing skin, as all it shows is my shoulders. I would not wear them to church or work, but out to run errands or around the house, yes. I have no cleavage in them. DH doesn't think it is inappropriate for me to wear them. On DD it would be like everything else: what it covered and didn't, where she would be when she wore it, and who may be exposed to it. Around the house, no problem. Anywhere else, it would depend on a lot of other factors. Of course, we do let DD wear tanks too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Do you really mean a top with NO straps at all....or do you mean the spaghetti straps? I never see anyone wearing tops that are totally strapless...... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 As a mother of a 13 year old BOY I appreciate the moms who insist their daughters cover up. It is very very hard to tell him not to look etc... when it is out there for all to see. Seriously at this rate the kid will never look up. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherLynn Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Do you really mean a top with NO straps at all....or do you mean the spaghetti straps? I never see anyone wearing tops that are totally strapless...... . These are the one's I wear...I have a black one and one with blue flowers. They are so comfy and rest on my chest so I show no cleavage. That is hard because even v-necks tend to show my cleavage. I hate stuff around my neck, can't wear it. Maybe it is the way I was raised too. Tube tops, spaghetti straps, all that was just what we wore. Maybe that is why I can't handle anything near my neck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 At 12 strapless is a no. I would consider spaghetti strap w/ a sweater or jacket. But, no taking it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 (edited) Only appropriate if you're in a bridal party and the bride has spoken. :glare: I would have passed then :glare: OP: Never. My girls don't even go sleeveless unless there is a top under it or a cardigan over it. In those cases they either work as a jumper or provide the skirt and part of the shirt part of an outfit...the second piece covering the shoulders and arms. Strapless looks like someone just wrapped a towel around themselves...sorry, that is just my opinion. Edited May 18, 2009 by mommaduck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Well I think those are perfectly fine to wear....why wouldn't they be? I don't understand what the big deal is of showing your shoulders..... I would definitely wear those.... but I wear a lot of that type of thing also....and like you....that is just what I wear. I live in south Florida...and it gets HOT here....the less I can wear the better, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 When we have threads where people are talking about no tank tops or shorts, I always wonder if they live where it is a humid 100 degrees half of the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 When we have threads where people are talking about no tank tops or shorts, I always wonder if they live where it is a humid 100 degrees half of the year. I have lived where it was over 100degrees MOST of the year...and still wasn't permitted to go sleeveless and no shorts. I was fine in skirts/kulottes and regular tops. Actually, you can stay COOLER in those clothes than you can having the sun directly hitting your skin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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