This really bugs me. I never want to hurt a friend's feelings, though.

[Ginevra]

I have kinda talked about this here before, though I couched it in vague language and hypotheticals because of that whole World Wide Web thing. But I'm really tired of this. I'm coming dangerously close to just telling this friend that I don't get it, don't understand the point of these events and don't plan to go this time, nor in the future.

 

I have a friend who has a business providing etiquette lessons. She has been, as far as I can tell, fairly successful at classes for children in the community and through park and recs. she also does coaching for people like pageant girls or other who need to present themselves publically. I do believe she is great at these tasks. She is a beutiful lady, very vivacious and a good friend.

 

However, she has told me that the children's etiquette classes are not very profitable and she has held several events for adults. They are held at a restaurant and you are given a meal and wine to drink. Then, she does her little presentation (not sure what she does or says because I have never been) and she fields questions from attendees on their etiquette dilemmas. These events are close to $50/person. She is doing one soon and so, naturally, I am invited again. It possibly would not bug me as much, but a mutual friend is a big champion for her and, not only attends each event, but urges me and other friends to go. I'M SICK OF HEARING ABOUT THIS DARN EVENT AND I AM NOT GOING! Whew. Sorry. Got carried away. But seriously, I do not understand the point of these events beyond presumably having a nice meal and being with some friends. But I can have a nice meal and be with some friends in another context, and so this just feels like paying the lady to be my friend!

 

I don't know if it's ever going to come to me having to bluntly tell her or the other friend that I'm just not into that or don't see the benefit. I'm somewhat averse to making excuses (even though, in this case, I *do* already have an engagement on that evening), because I never plan to ever go and I'd rather not always have an excuse. I would rather she begins to assume there's something about this event that is not for me in particular, which is the case. But it seems likely that, as long as she keeps holding these events, I will continue to get invitations because exclusively NOT inviting me would then be awkward or odd.

 

So, should I just remain stoical about this? If I'm directly asked, just say, "sorry, I won't be there."? I guess I could go and tell her I have an etiquette question for her: what do you do when you are repeatedly invited to some event by a feiend, yet have no intentions of ever attending? ðŸ˜

[wintermom]

Just press delete and ignore these invites. You are probably just on a group mail list. If she asks in person, you can be polite and say you're busy. You are under no obligation to attend - even as a bestest of best friend. I wouldn't attend every event if this was my dh. If there's a very, very special function with extra interest for you, then go. Otherwise, don't take every invitation as a personal call for friendship and love. She's obviously doing very well and doesn't need you there for every event.

[fairfarmhand]

"Sorry. I'm sure some people like these things but it's not my thing. Just not into it!"

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Janie Grace]

I think you can say "business etiquette isn't something I really need to brush up on but I'd love to have a girls' night out with you two sometime!" That way, you close the door on more invitations but communicate that the friendship matters to you. Then it's in her court. If you are merely a potential customer, it will become obvious because she won't follow up.

[poppy]

Same thing as that friend selling Plexus (or whatever MLM). Ignore as much as possible.   Demure otherwise. It goes away eventually.

[Guest]

Just press delete and ignore these invites. You are probably just on a group mail list. If she asks in person, you can be polite and say you're busy. You are under no obligation to attend - even as a bestest of best friend. I wouldn't attend every event if this was my dh. If there's a very, very special function with extra interest for you, then go. Otherwise, don't take every invitation as a personal call for friendship and love. She's obviously doing very well and doesn't need you there for every event.

I do actually get invited in person, as well as through email and social media. I see her once or twice a month in person and so I do get directly invited in person (although so far, I have been asked as part of the group of women, so, she's not staring right at my eyeballs, asking whether I'll go.) Recently, it was also this other friend, inviting me directly in person, although again, as part of the room, and then sending an email again, asking the group if we're going and championing her cause.

[FriedClams]

I had this with a MLM thing. I replied with something to the effect of, "Thank you so much for the information. I'm not interested right now, so please remove be from your business email list, but if I have a need in this area you'll be the first person I contact. Thanks so much." She removed me, we remained friends, and when I needed something she sold I called her first. No big.

Edited March 22, 2017 by FriedClams

[Rebel Yell]

how are you being "invited"? Is it a Facebook group or event where you could just clock NO or remove yourself? Is it continual email updates? Mail/flyer? Group text? Personal phone call? Or is she hammering you every single time you see her all week long, every week?

 

If there is a way to get out of the invite loop, or unsubscribe, or whatever... do that.

 

If it's personal invitations then you may have to just tell her that you're happy she has found a way to make her passion more profitable, but you aren't interested at is time, but if that should change in the future you're so glad you know how to find her.

 

I have done this over and over again with home party sales people. I just tell them I do not host or attend parties, but I keep their sales site bookmarked so I can order from them when I need something.

 

Good luck!

 

 

Ooooooh wait! I have a BRILLIANT idea!!!!!! Just spend the $50 and go enjoy the nice meal and wine, and when it's time to bring up your etiquette dilemma, raise your hand and ask how you can politely let people know that you are NOT INTERSTED IN THIS CR@P and no longer wish to be pestered about it?

[FaithManor]

I would be forthright. "Sorry, but this type of thing just does not interest me. Thanks for thinking of me but please stop issuing invites because I will not be participating in the future."

[Catwoman]

I do actually get invited in person, as well as through email and social media. I see her once or twice a month in person and so I do get directly invited in person (although so far, I have been asked as part of the group of women, so, she's not staring right at my eyeballs, asking whether I'll go.) Recently, it was also this other friend, inviting me directly in person, although again, as part of the room, and then sending an email again, asking the group if we're going and championing her cause.

It's not her "cause;" it's her business.

 

She's not inviting you to attend for free, just to fill seats so she looks more successful. She wants you to help fill the seats and pay her for the privilege.

 

She doesn't sound like much of a "friend" to me.

[Seasider]

Ooooooh wait! I have a BRILLIANT idea!!!!!! Just spend the $50 and go enjoy the nice meal and wine, and when it's time to bring up your etiquette dilemma, raise your hand and ask how you can politely let people know that you are NOT INTERSTED IN THIS CR@P and no longer wish to be pestered about it?

😆

[SKL]

To the annoying mutual friend, I would say something like "I have another engagement that night, and also, I'm not really a seminar person / I'm not likely to attend an etiquette seminar in any case."

 

To the speaker who is not being particularly annoying:  I would just ignore or click "not attending" if it's an e-vite.

 

I understand how you feel, but I think it's best you be clear.

 

[Different subject, but I am on someone's sh!t list for similar.  A church lady (whom I know to be intolerant in general) tried to talk me into an adults-only fundraiser.  The first part involved painting ceramic bowls, the second part a dinner.  I told her I don't do paint parties and I don't do fundraisers where kids aren't allowed.  (I might have even gotten slightly testy when the woman suggested this was the only way to show my kids I'm a good enough Christian.)  The lady hasn't spoken to me since and was even nasty to my kids after that.  :/  Grow up, people.  :P  Hopefully your friends are more mature.  :)]

[Guest]

I think people end up, naturally enough, using these peer to peer businesses to fill several buckets in their lives. So, they start doing it so often that it becomes their socializing time. "Events" ARE how they hang out with their friends now.

 

I once sincerely told a friend I had missed seeing her recently. She was like "well if you'd come to my XYZ parties...!"

 

Like she literally doesn't understand that that's not what everyone does for fun.

[wintermom]

I do actually get invited in person, as well as through email and social media. I see her once or twice a month in person and so I do get directly invited in person (although so far, I have been asked as part of the group of women, so, she's not staring right at my eyeballs, asking whether I'll go.) Recently, it was also this other friend, inviting me directly in person, although again, as part of the room, and then sending an email again, asking the group if we're going and championing her cause.

 

If this is a good friend, just be honest. Say something like, "You are a good friend and I'm so happy that your business is blooming. I'm feeling quite pressured to pay for these events when you keep inviting me. If you need me there for moral support, I'll come when I can but I'm not paying."  

 

Or you can just keep ignoring, deleting invites, etc. She'll figure things out eventually, but you will drift apart. You may drift apart anyway due to her sales pressure tactics.

Edited March 22, 2017 by wintermom

[LucyStoner]

Has she approached businesses about hiring her to do workshops?  Some offer these as professional development opportunities for employees.  That's probably a more lucrative route than harassing uninterested friends.  

[Guest]

Has she approached businesses about hiring her to do workshops? Some offer these as professional development opportunities for employees. That's probably a more lucrative route than harassing uninterested friends.

Probably. I know she has been featured on the local news at least one time. I do think she is a pretty smart businesswoman and I have been expecting her to draw the conclusion that this avenue is not a very useful one. I guess she hasn't decided that yet, though.

[wintermom]

Probably. I know she has been featured on the local news at least one time. I do think she is a pretty smart businesswoman and I have been expecting her to draw the conclusion that this avenue is not a very useful one. I guess she hasn't decided that yet, though.

 

Maybe you could throw an educational party and invite her. Include a ticket price. Maybe she'll get the point then. ;)

[Seasider]

Has she approached businesses about hiring her to do workshops? Some offer these as professional development opportunities for employees. That's probably a more lucrative route than harassing uninterested friends.

Ditto for professional groups/clubs at university business colleges. I've heard tell of talented folks not be selected for promotion due to poor table manners.

[J-rap]

Can you just kind of chuckle and say, "Oh, I'm happy for you, but that's not me!"  Then you're being light-hearted about it and it's less awkward.

[Matryoshka]

How about something like this:

 

"There really is only one point of business etiquette I have a hard time with.  Sometimes dear friends sell products and services that I have no interest in, and impose on our friendship to further their business interests, and I have a hard time finding a way to express my disinterest without hurting their feelings.  Do you cover this bit of business etiquette in your seminars?"

 

:lol:

Edited March 22, 2017 by Matryoshka

[happi duck]

Will it hurt feelings to just say:

"no thanks, I'm not interested"?

And when pressed:

"I'm really not interested in an etiquette class."

[Guest]

Will it hurt feelings to just say:

"no thanks, I'm not interested"?

And when pressed:

"I'm really not interested in an etiquette class."

I think she's likely to feel a little hurt if ever I say my direct feelings about it. So far, I've been able to sort of blend in with the other ladies in the room, so I'm not being asked directly to my face if I will go. But the other friend is getting close to that, and I will be spending some time with the other friend just before the event is scheduled. I'm a little worried about other friend bringing this up when I am with her right before the event. If this happens, I think I'm going to say, "eh, that's not really my thing. You know I'm a bit of a hermit." (Which is true.)

[Anne]

I have a number of friends who do the mlm thing - oils, baskets, cookware, makeup, clothing - you name it, someone I know sells it.  Ugh.

 

Anytime I hear about someone starting something like that, I remind them that "I don't do classes, or parties, or anything like that.  I don't have them and I don't attend them".  

 

My suggestion is to just say "Oh, I never go to those things, but I certainly wish you great success". (insert argument from seller) "oh, I'm sure it's great, I just never go to those things, but I certainly wish you great success - and now I must dash..."

 

Do not feel guilty and don't let anyone pressure you into going - b/c if you go once, the pressure will only increase to go again....

 

Anne

[gardenmom5]

Miss Manners would support you.  (and possibly even going and asking "how to stop people who  repeatedly ask  you to spend money on an event in which you have no interest when "no, I'm not interested" doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary?)

 

she once wrote a column after she learned about etiquette classes for children.  when she learned it involved such hardships as riding in a limousine or taking high tea, she was less than impressed.

 

how about such things as riding public transit in a torrential downpour and not poke other people with your umbrella.  or eating a messy sidewalk vendor food without making a mess.. .

 

are they asking you in person?  repeatedly for the same event?

at this point - I would probably say "I'm not interested, please stop asking. if I change my mind in future, I'll let you know."

[73349]

I think it's perfectly polite to admit that you're not interested when you've had to refuse invitations more than once. Then she knows not to invite you to that again.

[Guest]

I have a number of friends who do the mlm thing - oils, baskets, cookware, makeup, clothing - you name it, someone I know sells it. Ugh.

 

Anytime I hear about someone starting something like that, I remind them that "I don't do classes, or parties, or anything like that. I don't have them and I don't attend them".

 

My suggestion is to just say "Oh, I never go to those things, but I certainly wish you great success". (insert argument from seller) "oh, I'm sure it's great, I just never go to those things, but I certainly wish you great success - and now I must dash..."

 

Do not feel guilty and don't let anyone pressure you into going - b/c if you go once, the pressure will only increase to go again....

 

Anne

That is how I handle it when my friends announce that they are now selling Mary Kay/Scentsy/LuLARoe/whatever - I tell them I wish them success, but I don't "do" those party things. And I have turned down the other friend because she used to do parties for her sister's MLm thing. I have told her that I'm not big on those party things. But this thing snuck up on me differently, because, for one thing, I have used her classes for my kids before. I even used to use it as a threat around my house, i.e., "Geez, you kids eat like a bunch of pigs! I guess I have to send you to Miss ------'s class!" 😠so, there is precedent for me supporting her business. But those were different. I *do* think an awful lot of kids need to learn good manners, and she would even go over social media manners and phone use manners, which I do think a large number of kids need to practice. But to go sit with friends at a restauant and discuss etiquette? Nah. If I have a pressing etiquette dliemma, I'm coming to The Hive to ask for a consensus.

[CadenceSophia]

I think she's likely to feel a little hurt if ever I say my direct feelings about it. So far, I've been able to sort of blend in with the other ladies in the room, so I'm not being asked directly to my face if I will go. But the other friend is getting close to that, and I will be spending some time with the other friend just before the event is scheduled. I'm a little worried about other friend bringing this up when I am with her right before the event. If this happens, I think I'm going to say, "eh, that's not really my thing. You know I'm a bit of a hermit." (Which is true.)

 

 

I think you need to be slightly more forthcoming with your feelings. If she has been on the news, she has a decent contact base. She isn't using her personal friends to make contacts and get her foot in the door anymore.  If it were a new business I'd say be silent and let it play out. Since it is not, I think "Thanks I'm not interested, that's not really my thing" needs to get said at some point.  Otherwise people probably just think they are inviting you as a courtesy so you don't feel left out, and by making excuses they feel they should try harder to schedule differently the next time.  "Oh poor Quill! She's always so busy she's never gotten to come! I wonder if this next event will fit her schedule!"

[Guest]

Miss Manners would support you. (and possibly even going and asking "how to stop people who repeatedly ask you to spend money on an event in which you have no interest when "no, I'm not interested" doesn't seem to be in their vocabulary?)

 

she once wrote a column after she learned about etiquette classes for children. when she learned it involved such hardships as riding in a limousine or taking high tea, she was less than impressed.

 

how about such things as riding public transit in a torrential downpour and not poke other people with your umbrella. or eating a messy sidewalk vendor food without making a mess.. .

 

are they asking you in person? repeatedly for the same event?

at this point - I would probably say "I'm not interested, please stop asking. if I change my mind in future, I'll let you know."

I've had two in person invites, one from the woman and one from the mutual friend. I got one FB invite for this same event. Today, the other friend also sent an email to several of us. So, those are all for the same event. Whenever she does an event (3-4x/yr?), this is usually the sequence of invitations.

 

I will say, I did like what her classes for kids covered. There was a lot about learning to meet new people and managing social media and devices politely.

[gardenmom5]

To the annoying mutual friend, I would say something like "I have another engagement that night, and also, I'm not really a seminar person / I'm not likely to attend an etiquette seminar in any case."   -never offer an excuse.  excuses are seen as a door to be wedged open.

 

To the speaker who is not being particularly annoying:  I would just ignore or click "not attending" if it's an e-vite.

 

I understand how you feel, but I think it's best you be clear.

 

[Different subject, but I am on someone's sh!t list for similar.  A church lady (whom I know to be intolerant in general) tried to talk me into an adults-only fundraiser.  The first part involved painting ceramic bowls, the second part a dinner.  I told her I don't do paint parties and I don't do fundraisers where kids aren't allowed.  (I might have even gotten slightly testy when the woman suggested this was the only way to show my kids I'm a good enough Christian.)  The lady hasn't spoken to me since and was even nasty to my kids after that.  :/  Grow up, people.  :p  Hopefully your friends are more mature.  :)]

 

:confused1:  what does that even mean?

reminds me of my grandmother and her "they're not our kind of people".

 

I think people end up, naturally enough, using these peer to peer businesses to fill several buckets in their lives. So, they start doing it so often that it becomes their socializing time. "Events" ARE how they hang out with their friends now.

 

I once sincerely told a friend I had missed seeing her recently. She was like "well if you'd come to my XYZ parties...!"

 

Like she literally doesn't understand that that's not what everyone does for fun.

 

this.

I sub'd for dh at his business networking group.  I was making small talk with one of the members and asked her what she likes to do for fun?  (hiking, bricklaying, etc.) - "we throw parties to build women people up".  (ok . .whatever that meant. . .women are more likely to buy her junk? ) 

she sells at least two mlm products and her "parties" - are selling those products. (absolute crap products - but people buy them. I've never discussed them with her - but I know what they are.) the group recently had a gathering at her house.  It was a nice house (if much further out than I'd ever be willing to live) it actually gave me the creeps to be there and I couldn't leave soon enough.  maybe it was becasue it had a really "mercenary" "pretentious" vibe? 

[Catwoman]

I've had two in person invites, one from the woman and one from the mutual friend. I got one FB invite for this same event. Today, the other friend also sent an email to several of us. So, those are all for the same event. Whenever she does an event (3-4x/yr?), this is usually the sequence of invitations.

 

I will say, I did like what her classes for kids covered. There was a lot about learning to meet new people and managing social media and devices politely.

Sounds like her business isn't as successful as she wants people to think it is...

 

These multiple invitations make her sound kind of desperate.

 

I would just ignore them.

[zoobie]

I think she's likely to feel a little hurt if ever I say my direct feelings about it. So far, I've been able to sort of blend in with the other ladies in the room, so I'm not being asked directly to my face if I will go. But the other friend is getting close to that, and I will be spending some time with the other friend just before the event is scheduled. I'm a little worried about other friend bringing this up when I am with her right before the event. If this happens, I think I'm going to say, "eh, that's not really my thing. You know I'm a bit of a hermit." (Which is true.)

It's her business. By hedging, you're opening the door to continuing invitations which ultimately wastes both of your time. If she gets her feelings hurt because you have no need for her business, well, she's not very good at her job! You don't have to tell her to pound salt or bug off. "I don't have need for your services. If I do in the future, you will be at the very top of my list to contact because I know you are an excellent teacher. I look forward to seeing you at [social function] or let me know if you want to get together for coffee!"

[38carrots]

This friend might need an etiquette refresher.

[Catwoman]

This friend might need an etiquette refresher.

:lol:

 

Yes, perhaps Quill should suggest that the woman sign up for some sort of little etiquette workshop, and inform her that they are often held in restaurants at dinner time. She should, however, also warn her friend that sometimes the organizers of those workshops can become downright pushy and obnoxious about trying to get people to attend.

[Tammi K]

"So nice of you to ask, but it's simply not in the budget right now. "

[Jennifer132]

I had a friend who would invite me to her 31 parties (is that what the brand is? They sell bags and purses). I see nothing at all wrong with politely saying it's not something you are interested in doing. After my friend had invited me a couple times, I just messaged her (the invite was through Facebook) and said, "to be honest, I don't need any bags right now, but if I ever do, I'll let you know". Surely your friend can't expect that everyone wants an etiquette lesson? I'm sure she will understand. And being that she is really into etiquette, she should respond politely to your comments.

[Ellie]

Just say no. You can even say "No, I'm not interested. Ever. Please don't invite me again. How about those 49ers?"

 

Your friend should understand etiquette enough to know when no means no.

[Word Nerd]

But seriously, I do not understand the point of these events beyond presumably having a nice meal and being with some friends. 

 

You probably won't get it unless you attend (and maybe not even then), which you don't want to do. I don't understand why you can't just be polite but direct and say "Sorry, I'm not interested." How would that be more hurtful than trying to avoid her or the mutual friend or make up excuses?

Edited March 22, 2017 by GalaxyGal

[footballmom]

I agree with the PPs that suggest you need to be more direct about it.  I would probably reply back to the email invitation versus giving a direct response in a group setting when it isn't directed at you per se.  My reply would be something along the lines of "Thank you for thinking of me.  This isn't something that I am interested in right now.  If my needs change in the future, I will definitely let you know!  I hope these continue to be a success for "Mary" as she builds her business!"

[marbel]

Another voice saying that you are going to be have to be direct.  Don't be busy, don't say you can't afford it, don't make passive-aggressive comments hoping she gets it.  If you keep saying you're busy, she'll keep asking.  If you say you can't afford it, she'll offer you a discount.  If you are passive-aggressive, you are being a jerk.  

 

"My kids enjoyed your classes and I think they were great, but I'm not looking for that sort of thing for myself.  Thanks though. Let's have coffee next week, does Tuesday work for you?"

 

(I don't think you are a jerk. And maybe the suggestions for PA comments were tongue-in-cheek and I just didn't get it.)  

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's hard.  I dunno.  I'd be so torn too.  On the one hand it's like..ok..whatever just say no each time.  But I get being annoyed.  The whole thing is a major turn off to me.  I can't imagine paying for something like that just for the hell of it.

 

 

[Guest]

That's hard. I dunno. I'd be so torn too. On the one hand it's like..ok..whatever just say no each time. But I get being annoyed. The whole thing is a major turn off to me. I can't imagine paying for something like that just for the hell of it.

Yeah...as I'm thinking out loud on here, she's not *being* a particularly big PITA about it. She's invited me to the events every time, but she's not actually badgering me about it. If anything, the other friend is being the bigger badger. But she's not actually being a turd about it; I'm just simply sick of being invited. I'm tired of having to say no because of my whole keep-everyone-happy compulsion.

 

There's a part of me that wants to say I don't get why people should pay her to talk about manners. It's the professionalizing of something that doesn't require specialized knowledge that bugs me. It would be the same way if I had dinner parties where I got paid by my friends to solve their clutter dilemmas (verbally). I'm pretty good at that, and have a rep for being good at that, but don't think my friends should pay me to chat with them about clever ways to store old Christmas cards.

[Guest]

Yeah...as I'm thinking out loud on here, she's not *being* a particularly big PITA about it. She's invited me to the events every time, but she's not actually badgering me about it. If anything, the other friend is being the bigger badger. But she's not actually being a turd about it; I'm just simply sick of being invited. I'm tired of having to say no because of my whole keep-everyone-happy compulsion.

 

There's a part of me that wants to say I don't get why people should pay her to talk about manners. It's the professionalizing of something that doesn't require specialized knowledge that bugs me. It would be the same way if I had dinner parties where I got paid by my friends to solve their clutter dilemmas (verbally). I'm pretty good at that, and have a rep for being good at that, but don't think my friends should pay me to chat with them about clever ways to store old Christmas cards.

But if you needed the scratch, it'd come in awfully handy!

[Guest]

But if you needed the scratch, it'd come in awfully handy!

Yeah, but she's rich as heck and I don't think ettiquette events are making the big difference. He DH makes bank, presumably, based on his occupation. That's what makes me think, why do this.

[SparklyUnicorn]

But then...what would bug me to is the whole selling to friends.  I think it's ok to ask once.  OR to mention what it is you do.  You know what she does so you know where to go looking if you want the service. But I would not expect my friends to keep buying my service.  I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on a friend.  Maybe that's why I'd never make money on anything.  LOL

 

Someone I thought was a friend some years ago kept inviting me to these sell at home parties.  I just started feeling like that was the only reason I was her "friend".  I stopped talking to her.

 

 

[Annie G]

You get multiple invitations to the same event...not cool. You have a friend who is badgering you to  attend...not cool.  You're going to have to man up and tell them to stop inviting you. It's not your thing and you have to make that known. Otherwise you'll continue to get invites because they'll think you aren't coming because you are busy or whatever. 

 

It's ok to speak up and say it's not your thing. It's not being rude at all. 

 

 

[38carrots]

Yeah...as I'm thinking out loud on here, she's not *being* a particularly big PITA about it. She's invited me to the events every time, but she's not actually badgering me about it. If anything, the other friend is being the bigger badger. But she's not actually being a turd about it; I'm just simply sick of being invited. I'm tired of having to say no because of my whole keep-everyone-happy compulsion.

 

There's a part of me that wants to say I don't get why people should pay her to talk about manners. It's the professionalizing of something that doesn't require specialized knowledge that bugs me. It would be the same way if I had dinner parties where I got paid by my friends to solve their clutter dilemmas (verbally). I'm pretty good at that, and have a rep for being good at that, but don't think my friends should pay me to chat with them about clever ways to store old Christmas cards.

 

Maybe she's following an obscure etiquette rule that says that she must invite you every time as not to exclude you, as you haven't given her a clear reply yet.

 

I'm pretty sure etiquette is quite specialized knowledge. But it seems to me that she must really enjoy those parties, she is not pushy about them. So what is the problem? That you don't like that she is making a "profession" out of her hobby? Maybe you should follow her footsteps and go ahead with your organizing business! I might be confusing you with someone else, but wasn't you the person who wanted to be a professional "listener"?

[Ellie]

But then...what would bug me to is the whole selling to friends.  I think it's ok to ask once.  OR to mention what it is you do.  You know what she does so you know where to go looking if you want the service. But I would not expect my friends to keep buying my service.  I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on a friend.  Maybe that's why I'd never make money on anything.  LOL

 

Someone I thought was a friend some years ago kept inviting me to these sell at home parties.  I just started feeling like that was the only reason I was her "friend".  I stopped talking to her.

 

But if I sell a product or service, it's because I really believe in that product or service, and so of course I would want my friends to be introduced to it, as well. And I would probably talk about it more than once, because people forget. Goodness knows that Proctor & Gamble nag us all the time to buy their products...

[Guest]

Maybe she's following an obscure etiquette rule that says that she must invite you every time as not to exclude you, as you haven't given her a clear reply yet.

 

I'm pretty sure etiquette is quite specialized knowledge. But it seems to me that she must really enjoy those parties, she is not pushy about them. So what is the problem? That you don't like that she is making a "profession" out of her hobby? Maybe you should follow her footsteps and go ahead with your organizing business! I might be confusing you with someone else, but wasn't you the person who wanted to be a professional "listener"?

I do think she does not feel that she could intentionally NOT invite me because these invitations are distributed in a scoail setting and that would be odd or awkward, I suppose, if she gave invitations to five people in the room but gave me none. So, Unless she resorts to only giving out the invitations individually to people she knows will probably come, she probably does figure there's no tactful way to not give me one. If I were more direct about it, I would be making something awkward for her.

 

What I personally don't like about the concept is that it makes the friendship seem so mercenary. If I did start an organizing business, I would search for clientelle from "cold" sources; in fact, I did run a residential cleaning company in the past and my clientelle was entirely from "cold" sources; none of my clients were initially friends whome I mined for revenue. Yes, I am the one with the idea of a professional listener service; I still think that is a great idea. I would not circulate amongst my existing friends, handing them cards and saying, "If you ever need a friend who wil listen non-judgementally and in full confidence....just go to my on-line scheduler and pick a time slot. I have a Paypal button if you want to pre-pay your session and I'll even give you my 20%- off Friends and Family rate!" of course I would not do this to my existing friends, because I like to think I listen non-judgementally and in full confidence to my friends for free. The point of the business would be that some people need that but have no friend they could trust not to gossip, back-stab or pull away based on what was said.

[LMD]

I would just say 'thanks for thinking of me, but it really is not my thing.'

Then they say 'oh but just come along for fun, you might love it!'

Then you say, 'I'm sure you all will have fun, but I would just be taking up the place of a real customer. I'm really not interested at all, thanks anyway. Excuse me, I need to go...'

[EmseB]

I want to get "friendship is not a marketing opportunity" tattooed on my forehead these days.