Ria Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 From my in-laws. The other seven members of our family (dh and six kiddos) get a card, too, but they also get a birthday check. I get a card. No check. It seems I ticked them off about 15 years ago and they want to make sure I don't forget that even though they might be nice to me to my face, I'll never be considered family. These are the same people who just flew our entire family down to Florida for a week, rented a van for us, rented a condo, and were genuinely nice to me. I felt like perhaps we'd made some progress. Guess not. Ria ETA: This is not about the money, believe me. It's just about them making an effort to make sure I know their true feelings each year. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 :grouphug: Sorry! :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Get a big red pen and write "Return to Sender" on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 That is awful. I'm really sorry. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I have never ever understood why some people hold grudges like this. I mean, if you don't like me, then why not just leave me alone? It would require less effort and be less . . . well . . . MEAN. I'm glad you're a bigger person. Sorry you have to deal with smaller ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Get a big red pen and write "Return to Sender" on it. I'd never have the nerve to do it (apparently everyone else in the world got my share of nerve), but it makes me smile just thinking about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 So, are dh and the kids 'blood relatives' and you are not? I know families where the grandparents expect that the bio-parents of the adults will be the primary gift givers, the in-laws are not. Has your dh ever asked them why they don't send you a check too? There could be a simpler reason than you think. I do understand the difference between wanting the money and just the acknowledgement of you being family. Dd2 is adopted and I see the vast difference in how she was treated for the first two years by our families. (They are coming around now.) Aside from Christmas, she only got one 'welcome baby' present, and it was from a casual friend. It has nothing to with the presents value, it is just the acknowledgement of her not being treated as an equal as a grand kid and our child, whether by birth or adoption. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 So, are dh and the kids 'blood relatives' and you are not? I know families where the grandparents expect that the bio-parents of the adults will be the primary gift givers, the in-laws are not. Has your dh ever asked them why they don't send you a check too? There could be a simpler reason than you think. Dh and the kids are blood relatives but I'm not. But that has nothing to do with it. The other DIL gets a check. I used to get a check as well. They hold grudges...they stopped speaking to us for 3 years once because we stood up to them (overbearing doesn't begin to describe them). Since that time I have received no check. Dh and I have talked about asking them about this, but if we do we know that they will be aggressive, take their anger out on dh, and not speak to us for another who-knows-how-many-years. At least at this point they speak to me (believe me, it took years to get to that point). It's easier for all involved if we say nothing. We only see them two or three times per year anyway. They've never liked me. When we got engaged MIL said to dh, "How can you do this to me?" Not a good beginning, eh? Ria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 How about sending them a very small handwritten thank you note. Something like: I just wanted to say thank you for the very thoughtful birthday card. You helped to make my birthday very special for remembering me. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julpost Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I've had similiar experiences and I find the absolute best thing is to act like I couldn't care less. After awhile....I don't. Then I go the extra mile to be even nicer. It pleases God and I'll just let Him deal with it. And it actually makes me feel good to know they didn't get the best of me. It is very, very hard though. I'll give you that! I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 How about sending them a very small handwritten thank you note. Something like: I just wanted to say thank you for the very thoughtful birthday card. You helped to make my birthday very special for remembering me. :) That's actually on my list of things to do today...write a thank-you note for the Florida vacation and the thoughtful birthday card. I will not let them have the satisfaction of knowing that this hurts me, so from now on I'll be as sweet as they are mean. Once a year I feel sorry for me (because of the IL situation) but most of the time I feel sorry for them. I just can't imagine how much anger and hatred they have bottled up inside them. Ria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I know how it feels. EX's grandparents send birthday cards to us, but only send the $10 bill to EX and dd; not to me or ds. EX adopted ds when we got married, but now that I'm divorced from him, they exclude ds from all Christmas and birthday gifts. I don't care that they exclude me; but to exclude ds just reveals their true hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Dh and I have talked about asking them about this, but if we do we know that they will be aggressive, take their anger out on dh, and not speak to us for another who-knows-how-many-years. At least at this point they speak to me (believe me, it took years to get to that point). It's easier for all involved if we say nothing. We only see them two or three times per year anyway. They've never liked me. When we got engaged MIL said to dh, "How can you do this to me?" Not a good beginning, eh? Ria This sounds like my mil and my relationship. We didn't talk for 3-4 years after one particular incident, and now 12 years later, we do talk but barely. We absolutely avoid it if at all possible. If she calls and dh isn't home...the phone goes to voicemail. She hasn't gotten along with any of her dil's so at least I am not alone. I suggested a few years ago that the adults in our family stop sending Christmas gifts as we all live in different areas around the state and have little personal knowledge of each other to get gift ideas. We would still exchange with the kids and grandparents, just not the adults. It had become a $50 gift card exchange, and even picking a store was hard. :confused: I was really, really nice about it, and just said it was a suggestion and that I wanted to get her ideas on it, the response was angry and in retribution, our kids are no longer give a Christmas, birthday card or gift... at all. I am sorry you deal with this, but know your not alone :0). Do you send them a gift or check on their birthday? If you do, maybe you can stop, and spend the money on yourself instead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calandalsmom Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I know how you feel. When ds 1 was a baby they had a family pic made without me and ds and that hung in their living room for the past 10 yrs. They just moved their trip out here- theyw ere coming on Wednesday but SIL is having a baby on Tuesday so they postponed their arrival til Friday and LIED ABOUT IT. Like we couldnt figure out that they were staying to see the new baby, who will live an hour away. My ds's First Holy Communion is getting short shrift. they'll honor us with a 4 day visit. Apparently seeing my kids twice a year is plenty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I've had similiar experiences and I find the absolute best thing is to act like I couldn't care less. After awhile....I don't. Then I go the extra mile to be even nicer. It pleases God and I'll just let Him deal with it. And it actually makes me feel good to know they didn't get the best of me. It is very, very hard though. I'll give you that! I'm sorry. :iagree: And I'm sorry too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 :iagree: Kill em with kindness, Ria...You might want to mention loving the card so much, you're going to frame it or pull it out to show off when family comes over. Btw...:ack2:My mil would love your in-laws. Big hug...because you deserve it.:grouphug: That's actually on my list of things to do today...write a thank-you note for the Florida vacation and the thoughtful birthday card. I will not let them have the satisfaction of knowing that this hurts me, so from now on I'll be as sweet as they are mean. Once a year I feel sorry for me (because of the IL situation) but most of the time I feel sorry for them. I just can't imagine how much anger and hatred they have bottled up inside them. Ria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I'm truly sorry Ria. It's petty and small-minded. Throw the card away, shake the dust from your feet, and move on. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 That's actually on my list of things to do today...write a thank-you note for the Florida vacation and the thoughtful birthday card. I will not let them have the satisfaction of knowing that this hurts me, so from now on I'll be as sweet as they are mean. Ria Good girl!!! What a couple of poop heads!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in NH Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I am so sorry, what jerks! My ILs don't seem too bad now...but I find this story rather funny...I am over being mad. At our wedding, MIL got all her kids together (daughters were our flower girls) and had our wedding photgrapher take a family photo...She made sure it was just her family....Dh, MIL, FIL and DH's sisters...not me.... That photo hangs in their living room. About 10 years later they asked for a wedding picture of DH and me. We haven't "found" one yet. I have no intention of ever finding one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 They've never liked me. When we got engaged MIL said to dh, "How can you do this to me?" Not a good beginning, eh? Oooh, tell the truth, Ria, it was the full-body tattoo that turned her against you, wasn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 UGH. I can relate. STBXH is older than me by 6 months. Always has been. A few years ago, i got a "Happy 40th Birthday" :glare: I was 36 or 37 just like him. A friend then decided to send me a 40th birthday card every year as a joke till this past year i actually turned 40. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Once a year I feel sorry for me (because of the IL situation) but most of the time I feel sorry for them. I just can't imagine how much anger and hatred they have bottled up inside them. Ria - in my divorce proceedings i'm seeing it come out in mine. It's not pretty and frankly, they are not keeping the kids best interests at heart. It's all about hurting me at this point. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Sorry you have to go through this. For me, it is my mother who does this. Last Christmas she didn't even give my dc's anything for Christmas. In the past, she would send a check and we would buy for them. This year, nothing. One year, she will send dc's something for birthdays. The next year nothing. Really rude but I try to take the high road. I am just determined that I will never treat my children that way when they grow up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Get a big red pen and write "Return to Sender" on it. I really hope you are just kidding here :confused: How about sending them a very small handwritten thank you note. Something like: I just wanted to say thank you for the very thoughtful birthday card. You helped to make my birthday very special for remembering me. :) This would be the harder thing to do, but it would definitely be the most gracious and loving. I'm sorry for your hurt :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Sorry! My in-laws were always like this too (my fil still is). I have to actually laugh now, some of the things they've done have been so childish. One year when I was in disfavor, I got a plain white shirt, a plain black vest, and a pair of pantyhose for Christmas. Sister-in-law, who could do no wrong, got a multi-piece Ann Taylor wool suit. One year, I got a plastic lunch box, jumper cables, etc. and SIL got pearls (5-6 mm pearls, 30" strand).....Ahhhh, but we'll never do this to our children and their families, eh? No matter how we might feel about their choice of mate. Support for a family is a real blessing..... Happy, happy birthday to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 Oooh, tell the truth, Ria, it was the full-body tattoo that turned her against you, wasn't it? LOL! Can you picture me with a tattoo? Tee hee! Ria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmomofboys Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I can't say that I have dealt with that specific issue, but have had some in-law difficulties. I dealt with it by first being hurt and then confused but knew that I could not change them. I could change my heart on how I looked at it. It was then that I realized I was really mourning "a type of relationship" that never existed nor was it ever likely too. I had a vision of wonderful family memories, shopping trips, conversations that were never to happen. My mil has since passed away and my kids have very fond memories of her love of them and I am happy that is what they know. What I can do about this is to be a different kind of mother-in-law kwim? I am sorry for the pain they cause you. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 So, are dh and the kids 'blood relatives' and you are not? I know families where the grandparents expect that the bio-parents of the adults will be the primary gift givers, the in-laws are not. Has your dh ever asked them why they don't send you a check too? There could be a simpler reason than you think. I do understand the difference between wanting the money and just the acknowledgement of you being family. Dd2 is adopted and I see the vast difference in how she was treated for the first two years by our families. (They are coming around now.) Aside from Christmas, she only got one 'welcome baby' present, and it was from a casual friend. It has nothing to with the presents value, it is just the acknowledgement of her not being treated as an equal as a grand kid and our child, whether by birth or adoption. My SIL told me that dh's & my children (dh is her brother) are not REAL grandchildren to her parents because I am their mom. SIL's children are REAL grandchildren b/c she is her parent's daughter. People will make up reasons to treat other people like "less than." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 My SIL told me that dh's & my children (dh is her brother) are not REAL grandchildren to her parents because I am their mom. SIL's children are REAL grandchildren b/c she is her parent's daughter. People will make up reasons to treat other people like "less than." So, is their son, not really their son? Bazaar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 So, is their son, not really their son? Bazaar! I can't twist my brain around her logic. I just know she was trying to hurt me and somehow make sure I knew my place in the family pecking order (at the bottom!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I can't twist my brain around her logic. I just know she was trying to hurt me and somehow make sure I knew my place in the family pecking order (at the bottom!) I guess that is one way to maintain a matriarchal family....the men and thier decendents aren't really 'family'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I can relate... 15 years ago it was a monthly slap in the face for me & it was my dh's grandparents doing the slapping. As each of their grandchildren entered college they gave them a small cash allowance ($25) from the business each month. When each grandchild got married if their spouse was also a student they got the same amount. Except me; because they disapproved of my religion. And it wasn't so much my religion, because we were all supposed to be "Christian" but they disapproved of my denomination. There were plenty of other little jabs that smarted. I decided to just let it go. I adore the man they had helped raise and that is gift enough for the rest of my life. Their faith shaped his and that blesses my life. If they had treated my children badly or differently I would have had a different reaction. Acknowledge the little hurt and don't give them the satisfaction of ruining your day. Amber in SJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 OK, you all are making me feel better. I really don't think my inlaws mean to be insensitive, but this year for Christmas I got to pick the kind of calendar I wanted that came free with their order of gardening supplies. I picked the "puppy" calendar and finally got it at the end of March. They are living in assisted living 30 miles away and I pick them up for appointments, take them to dinner, etc. All the other family members live at least 12 hours away and see them once to twice a year. Dh and the boys got nifty pocket knives (I would have been happy with one myself) for Christmas. We've never had a "falling out", but I've never felt part of the "inner circle" of the family. The only gift I've ever received from them was a navy blue nylon slip (we've been married 25 years). After that my "gift" was always what I considered a family gift even though the boys and dh always received something individually. But like Regena said, we learn from it and we will never, ever do that to our dils. Happy Birthday to you, Ria! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3littlekeets Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Maybe with your gracious thank you card, you should enclose a check :lol::lol:. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 They've never liked me. When we got engaged MIL said to dh, "How can you do this to me?" Not a good beginning, eh? Ria I'm so sorry. I pray that I will never be a crazy in-law. My MIL had/has a reputation for being rough with her DILs so when dh and I were engaged he told her that if she EVER said ANYTHING that upset me in any way, she would never see us again. For some reason she remembers this and occassionally stops herself when talking to me and says "well, I don't want to say anything to UPSET you..." I usually just smile and say "OK" and walk away. I do understand your desire to keep the peace as much as possible, though. Ugly relationships are stressful. Maybe you can photoshop a full body tatoo onto a photo of yourself? And send it as a postcard for their anniversary or something. :001_smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 LOL! I like this idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 (edited) I can't twist my brain around her logic. I just know she was trying to hurt me and somehow make sure I knew my place in the family pecking order (at the bottom!) Ok. A weird image just popped into my head. I read your post and suddenly pictured you as a thumb tack, and the pain of your in-laws as they sat on you. They might stick us on the bottom of the pile, but we get to choose if sitting on us will be comfortable! My charming in laws are rude to me, then cry to dh that I don't let them into my inner circle. Weird people... My dad is charming too. He will periodically tell dh that he is on his side. One, aren't dads supposed to be on their daughters side? Two, if dh and I are on the same side, who's side is my dad on? Curiouser and Curiouser, said Alice. To the OP: Do you have a paper shredder? Buy one and use the card to test it out. Rosie Edited April 20, 2009 by Rosie_0801 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 From my in-laws. The other seven members of our family (dh and six kiddos) get a card, too, but they also get a birthday check. I get a card. No check. It seems I ticked them off about 15 years ago and they want to make sure I don't forget that even though they might be nice to me to my face, I'll never be considered family. These are the same people who just flew our entire family down to Florida for a week, rented a van for us, rented a condo, and were genuinely nice to me. I felt like perhaps we'd made some progress. Guess not. Ria ETA: This is not about the money, believe me. It's just about them making an effort to make sure I know their true feelings each year. Sigh. It must be National In-Laws Stink week. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 do we have the same MIL??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Sorta in the same boat here. On birthdays, my in-laws send DH a $100 check, each kid a $50 check, and me, I get $25. Haven't quite figured that one out.... If you dwell on it, it will make you mad and sad. Try not to dwell on it. I know, easier said than done... :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BalanceSeeker Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 (edited) My MIL didn't like me from day one. After I spent a weekend with them she said to dh "I thought you wanted someone more athletic?" She is a big-boned, muscle-y woman and I'm very small and don't have a lot of curves. I don't know what she saw in me that she didn't like, because I think I'm a pretty nice person! Nevertheless... We've been married 10+ years. At the 7 year mark, we decided to say something about their behaviors, as it was taking a toll. That started a 2 year no-contact period. They finally gave in and agreed to listen to us. It appears they have been trying to be better. What has worked the most is just praying for them to be convicted of the things they say and do that are hurtful to our relationship. When I am truly diligent about praying for them, I see positive changes that I never thought I'd see occur. So, I have two thoughts: 1) Pray for them to be convicted about their unloving treatment of you, and for their hearts to soften. You are a human being, if not their DIL, and this is really uncalled for. 2) Why not speak the truth in love? Would it be THAT BAD for them to express anger for your speaking the truth? Be humble and strong...ask them if you've done anything you need to seek their forgiveness for, because it is hurtful not to be treated like the rest of the family. And that you desire to feel a part of the family and enjoy the time you have left together. (Let the consequences be what they may if they don't respond in love - just don't allow negative backlashing to influence your reaction in the same way.) I guess I'm a big believer in these 2 things together. Still, to this day, I have to be honest about some things about my IL's behavior that makes them uncomfortable to hear, but I just need to speak the truth. Don't get me wrong, I let a LOT of things go, but blatant rudeness would not be swept under our rug. Not in our home...anymore. For us, peace at all costs is not peace at all ;) Christa Edited April 20, 2009 by BalanceSeeker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I hope that you have a wonderful day full of people who love and appreciate you! That is also where to put your mind. It's hard, I know. But let your mind dwell on the sane ones rather than the insane one. I don't know whether or not it makes sense to do the 'sweet and nice' thing. If it's going to stick horribly in your craw, and maybe seem like vindication to them, I'm not sure that I would. I would certainly thank them for the trip, but I think I would ignore the birthday car. It's about them, not you. You know that in your head; now put it into your heart! (((Ria))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 That would hurt me terribly. It is sad that they can be so...petty. :( I am sorry. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I don't have a check for you, but will a cyber hug help? :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanna H Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I am so sorry you are having to go through this on what is supposed to be your special day. Next year, don't even open the card! Happy Birthday Ria!!!:grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Katia Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 To the OP: Do you have a paper shredder? Buy one and use the card to test it out. Rosie Rosie, we must be kindred spirits, because this was my exact thought. Ria, I think that nice thank you note is a good idea....but I'd follow it up with watching that card go though the paper shredder. The feeling of satisfaction would be immense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Firstly, Happy (belated) birthday Ria. Second, my MIL ranks right up there with just about everything said on this thread. Lastly, it occurs to me that all of our DHs have sought out women who were quite a bit different than their own mothers. I think this is telling, and hopeful for the next generation. My own mother is in her 70s, so this may not apply to everyone here, but she was raised amidst the "women can have it all" crap of the 60s and 70s; you know, a full time career, a husband, AND (somehow) a pack of beautiful children. My MIL is younger, but essentially had the same mindset. Society is, of course, now finding out that, while women may indeed "have it all", having it all at once has not done a couple of generations anything but harm. Perhaps what many of us see with our MILs is anger that, "after all they went through" for equal or close to equal status, we have chosen to either drop out of the rat race or never enter into it so that we may raise our children in the best way we see possible. My own mother is very proud of what I have done, but she is also proud of my sisters, who all work full time. My MIL, OTOH, raves about how fabulous DS is, but seems oblivious to how he became that way. asta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 There is always somebody who brings you down just because they can. Have a great birthday anyway. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 That's actually on my list of things to do today...write a thank-you note for the Florida vacation and the thoughtful birthday card. I will not let them have the satisfaction of knowing that this hurts me, so from now on I'll be as sweet as they are mean. Once a year I feel sorry for me (because of the IL situation) but most of the time I feel sorry for them. I just can't imagine how much anger and hatred they have bottled up inside them. Excellent approach to this, but yes, it still hurts. (hugs) I hope you had a nice birthday with your immediate family. Happy Belated Birthday! - Michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 From my in-laws. The other seven members of our family (dh and six kiddos) get a card, too, but they also get a birthday check. I get a card. No check. It seems I ticked them off about 15 years ago and they want to make sure I don't forget that even though they might be nice to me to my face, I'll never be considered family. These are the same people who just flew our entire family down to Florida for a week, rented a van for us, rented a condo, and were genuinely nice to me. I felt like perhaps we'd made some progress. Guess not. Ria ETA: This is not about the money, believe me. It's just about them making an effort to make sure I know their true feelings each year. Sigh. I had this kind of MIL. The only thing I can tell you it did teach me how NOT to be a MIL. Now my nature isn't to do something like this but I do all I can to make my DDIL feel like one of my kids because she is. She has called me Mom from the beginning. These things hurt. Forgiveness is the only answer. Anything less will eat YOU for lunch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 That's actually on my list of things to do today...write a thank-you note for the Florida vacation and the thoughtful birthday card. I will not let them have the satisfaction of knowing that this hurts me, so from now on I'll be as sweet as they are mean. Once a year I feel sorry for me (because of the IL situation) but most of the time I feel sorry for them. I just can't imagine how much anger and hatred they have bottled up inside them. Ria As my father-in-law used to say, "Will this make you better or bitter?" Especially with elderly relatives that you don't see much, you sometimes really are better just letting it go when it's a subtle thing like this. I don't tolerate verbal abuse face-to-face or over the phone, but this type of thing I let go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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