Are allergy-free, non-food Halloween treats "woke"?

[MercyA]

We're attending a new church and they have a Fall Festival every year. We've attended in years past and it's quite nice. They serve dinner and have games and a bouncy house for the kids. The prizes for all the games are candy.

When my DD was younger and went trick-or-treating, she loved getting non-food trinkets because she couldn't eat the vast majority of the candy she received. 

I was thinking about offering to make some Teal Pumpkin Project signs that say something like: "Need an allergy-free, non-food prize? Just ask!" I could also donate some non-food prizes. I think it would be welcoming and inclusive and that some kids and parents might appreciate it. 

DH says that most people in our new church will perceive this as a liberal, crunchy, California-type thing--"woke," if you will. He also thinks some people will be offended by it and perceive that I am saying their candy treats aren't good enough. He says that in our small, rural Midwest town, food allergies are not seen as a real thing. He doesn't think many people if any would take the non-food items. He thinks it would be a waste of time, effort, and money.

I assure you that the problem is NOT with my DH. He believes that food allergies and sensitivities are, in fact, a real thing. He knows it's nice for kids with allergies to receive something special. He doesn't mind causing offense if he thinks it's necessary. He just thinks the benefits of this are likely to be negligible and the potential for offense is great. 

Maybe I am naive, but the thought of someone being OFFENDED by alternative treats for kids with allergies just blows my mind. 

The people at our church are largely very conservative. Some no doubt believe in conspiracy theories and that type of thing. 

What do you think? Is DH being overly cynical? Just a realist? 

If you live in a conservative rural area, how would this be perceived in your town?

Edited October 4, 2023 by MercyA

[Frances]

Could you just bring some non-food items so that each game would have that as a prize option with no need for a sign or explanation? My son didn’t have allergies or sensitivities, but has never liked candy or very many sweets. So he always chose a non-candy treat when it was an option.

[MercyA]

1 minute ago, Frances said:

Could you just bring some non-food items so that each game would have that as a prize option with no need for a sign or explanation? My son didn’t have allergies or sensitivities, but has never liked candy or very many sweets. So he always chose a non-candy treat when it was an option.

That's a good idea. Someone would need to ensure that all the games have non-food items available, or they might just be distributed randomly rather than at all the game stations.

[fairfarmhand]

3 minutes ago, MercyA said:

That's a good idea. Someone would need to ensure that all the games have non-food items available, or they might just be distributed randomly rather than at all the game stations.

I would bring in the treats and explain my position to the organizer, especially with regards to your own child and her experience. Any normal person would say "Oh THAT IS A GREAT IDEA! I'll make sure there are some of these at each game station."

[Katy]

I don’t use a teal pumpkin, but I do one tray of toys and another of candy and tell them to choose one. More than half the kids take a toy instead of candy. We usually live in pretty conservative areas. I’ve never heard a negative thing. One of our neighbors hands out shots & beers for adults and lets kids choose a toy or candy. 

[ktgrok]

Ugh, I'm sorry. Our church has advertised on our Trunk or Treat  event flyers that allergy friendly treats will be available at each station. But, we are very "woke" as far as churches go, so I can't say how a more conservative one would be. 

Most of the candy is supplied by the families - each family with a car in the trunk or treat will bring candy to give out, but the church supplies the non food/allergy friendly treats and delivers them in a small bag to each car for us to give out. 

[regentrude]

Just donate some non-food prizes, without the sign.

And yes, anything that is thoughtful about inclusion of all humans will be decried as "woke" by some people. As if woke is a bad word.  That's their problem.

Edited October 4, 2023 by regentrude

[Ginevra]

3 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Just donate some non-food prizes, without the sign.

And yes, anything that is thoughtful about inclusion of all humans will be decried as "woke" by some people. As if woke is a bad word.  That's their problem.

My favorite retort (which I have not had an opportunity to use yet) would be, “I’d rather be ‘woke’ than asleep.” Oh please, will someone pretty please call me “woke” in a derogatory manner? 😅

[almondbutterandjelly]

I would call the Children/Family Ministries Director and have a chat about it.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

My in laws pretty conservative Baptist church always offers alternative “treats” that are non food items.  They do this not just with trunk or treat but anytime there is a special food item available. Usually it’s just small sensory toys or fun looking erasers or something.

Probably it helps that the pastors son has T1D and I as the secretary’s SIL have life threatning allergies, so this kind of thing is always at the top of people’s minds.

[Spryte]

Wow.

Woke?!

People think this? That makes me so sad.

To give a kid an experience (ToT) that they otherwise *can’t* have? To potentially save a life? 

I’m having a hard day, but seriously — kids with food allergies really, truly appreciate being included.

Let me just share what my kids with life threatening allergies went through on Halloween, just to get the ToT experience.

(Granted, we lived in a town that didn’t “believe” in food allergies. That’s why we homeschool. The year my oldest kid was going into kindergarten 15 years ago, there were grown men standing on the sidewalk yelling—yelling!—that their kids had the *RIGHT* to take peanut butter to school. They yelled that if we were scared, we should keep our kid home [foreshadowing Covid masks]. Which, ultimately, we had to do because the district did not allow epipens in the classroom but they allowed peanut butter and other things deadly to my kid. It was put our resources to fighting or homeschool. I’m grateful we can afford it. But I digress.)

Ok, so Halloween. My kids want the experience, like all kids. Our early Halloweens looked like this:

First, I spend hours and days trying to find safe candy for my kid. Research. Ordering. Have you ever ordered allergen free chocolate? It’s very, very expensive. But Halloween. I order some Lego, safe chocolate, silly Halloween toys and an extra treat bag for the “Switch Witch” to deliver. We spend a ridiculous amount on a tiny treat bag, in addition to the stuff to pass out, costumes, etc. I’m grateful we can afford it.

Kid costumes up. Gloves are essential. Goes out ToTing. We carry six (exorbitantly priced, again, I’m glad we can afford these things!) epipens along, and our hearts are in our throats the entire time. We arrive home intact, everyone is breathing. No hives. No throats closing.

Kid cries thinking everything has to be thrown away. DH and I keep it all outside and dump it all in our cauldron to give away. Kid is sad that he can’t pass it out. Kid tosses his treat bag in the trash, removes his gloves and we throw them away, too. Everyone goes through agonies washing up. 

Kid runs around looking for the bag of safe treats from the Switch Witch, who hides safe treats while kids with food allergies ToT, and big brother passes out the unsafe treats. We all celebrate surviving the what feels like deadliest night of the year.

When our neighbors and friends started making the effort to give out non-food treats it was a huge, happy, joyful day for my kid. You’ve never seen a kid so grateful and excited about a trinket. Those things were treasured.

We have two older kids with LTFAs now, and we don’t ToT anymore. We throw a Halloween party in our basement, safe treats, games, all the decorations, and no more worries. I am so happy to leave ToT behind.

So, I’m going to say thank you to everyone who gives out non-food treats to the kids who need it. We all know you go out of your way to include us. Thank you!

Mercy, I don’t know if it’s “woke” — that’s not a word I ever use — but it is compassionate and kind, and carries the potential to make a kid feel seen, included, and special. I hope you’ll do it.

ETA: 15 years later, my very conservative town is a mixed bag, but no one is offended by people passing out toys or non-food treats. Even conservative people have family members with allergies. 

And when we did pass out treats, once we got the hang of Halloween with allergies, before we opted out, we often did those fingerlights, all turned on, so we had a glowing cauldron. Huge hit. Lots of repeat visitors. I would see neighbor kids playing with them for months. We offered a toddler cauldron, too, with toddler toys — rubber duckies were fun.

 

 

Edited October 4, 2023 by Spryte

[prairiewindmomma]

We used to have two bowls of offerings at our (former) church event for this reason. We had to explain that it was for our child who was deathly allergic to x. Most could tolerate that, but yes, your husband is not wrong that some will be offended if they see non-food treats at Halloween.

Some people love to be angry victims. 
 

It was one of many red flags.

[Dmmetler]

I live in a neighborhood with a lot of signs that would indicate "non-woke", and have done Teal Pumpkin for as long as I've known it existed...probably a decade. Parents seem to appreciate stuff other than candy. I've done glow sticks, comic books, Pokemon cards, Stuffed animals and small toys L decided to pass on (I did a toy story theme that year, and lots of kids LOVED adopting toys left behind when their person went to college...and a lot of parents commented that "I'll keep this in mind in a few years...). The last two years I've also made pin on buttons-which seem most popular among teens.  

 

My favorite activity for trunk or treats is "build a snake"-get a couple of boxes of wiggle snakes, take them apart, and let kids build their own snake. Those also are very popular. For the carnival this year, I have Orange, green and purple eggs (went through after our egg hunt at the center and pulled out the Halloween colored ones) with rice and beans inside and glued shut, which kids 3 and up will turn into pumpkins, witches, monsters, etc. 

 

I do usually have food treats as well-normally something like Goldfish or animal crackers for babies and toddlers, something tart/sour/gummy (this year, Nerds ropes and Laffy Taffy bits-I found full sized packs inexpensively) and something chocolate (from Aldi, which has the BEST chocolate...). Usually the chocolate is the last to go, and mostly taken by parents. 

 

This year, I'm doing three events-a Teal/Blue pumpkin Trunk or Treat (Allergies/Special needs), the carnival/haunted house fundraiser at my center, and, of course, trick or treating. 

[Pawz4me]

I do understand what your DH is getting at (sort of), but . . if being thoughtful and kind are woke, then sign me up.

(And I'm old enough to remember when being thoughtful and kind were things church people aimed for.)

Edited October 5, 2023 by Pawz4me

[Clemsondana]

I think that offering non-food options is great.  I'm wondering if your husband's response is more about the teal pumpkin than the offering of alternative treats.  The sheer number of flags, ribbons, and other symbols that are used to represent various issues can be overwhelming to keep up with and some may ignore it all as woke even if they would be happy to make the accommodation - it can seem a bit more of a spectacle than just offering alternatives.  But, I can't imagine anybody in my orbit, which spans the political and philosophical spectrum, being upset that somebody brought non-food or non-sweet options.  They would be miffed if somebody insisted on doing those instead of candy, but as long as candy is available to those who want it then I wouldn't expect complaints.  

[kirstenhill]

I've been in conservative circles that might even lean toward certain conspiracy theories, but were also just as likely as the "liberal crunchy granola moms" to be trying out some new diet fad or avoiding feeding their kids certain ingredients for health reasons.   I have no idea if some people have negative associations with Teal Pumpkin project in particular, but I think a sign that says "non-food items available on request" or just a bowl of non-food items out alongside the candy would be very non-controversial. 

[Ginevra]

@Spryte that was so moving, my eyes are glassy. Your kids and other kids with allergies are so incredibly lucky to have parents who went to such lengths to create something like a normal cultural thrill for the kids. Many parents would never go to that effort and I have known parents to bar celebrating Halloween or doing ToT for far more minor reasons. 
 

You’re my hero today. 

[Heartstrings]

Nm 

Edited October 5, 2023 by Heartstrings

[Carrie12345]

If people want to call being considerate of others “woke”, whatta ya gonna do? 🤷‍♀️ Is the answer to judgement for kindness unkindness? That’s not very churchy.

Honestly, I forgot non-food treats last year. I was so wrapped up in having our first real trick or treat home that it slipped my mind. I did have peanut-free and chocolate free options separate. 

On our old trick or treat route, my kids did choose non-candy items from a house or two even though they have no dietary restrictions. They thought it was cool to get something that wouldn’t be gone by the end of the week. I remember one was a mini coloring book with crayons. Cute!

Could you end up with untouched stuff? Yes. I used glow sticks when we’d trunk or treat because they’d eventually get used at some future kid event.
It isn’t as if we get a huge return on all the candy we buy. We eat the leftovers and that’s not exactly a good thing!

[Drama Llama]

In my experience people who use the word “woke” as a pejorative in this country vote for the party that supports legislation that denies disabled kids like mine things like clean trach tubes and ventilator circuits so they can breathe, and Medicaid funding so they can live at home.

It doesn’t surprise me that people who don’t think small children with medical disabilities deserve parents, would also think they don’t deserve glow sticks.

It makes me deeply sad, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t change my behavior (other than finding a new church) to accommodate bigots.

[MercyA]

Thanks all! I'm going to donate some non-food items and will encourage the director of the Festival to ask others to bring them, too. 

Teal Pumpkin peeps: have you added your house to the list of people offering non-food treats?

https://www.foodallergy.org/our-initiatives/awareness-campaigns/teal-pumpkin-project/map

Edited October 5, 2023 by MercyA

[MercyA]

4 minutes ago, Drama Llama said:

In my experience people who use the word “woke” as a pejorative in this country vote for the party that supports legislation that denies disabled kids like mine things like clean trach tubes and ventilator circuits so they can breathe, and Medicaid funding so they can live at home.

Yes, thank you. Not very pro-life of them.

Actually when my DH told me it would be perceived as a "liberal thing," I told him that made me want to do it even more. 😉 

Edited October 5, 2023 by MercyA

[gardenmom5]

Non-food halloween "prizes" have been around at least since the 80s. (and probably before). (spider rings, pencils, etc.) It's hardly new, i know of very few kids who got excited about them - it's like the candy no one wants.  But - kids with food allergies are likely to not be participating anyway because of their food allergies and expectations there won't be anything for them. 

and some people live to take offense at every opportunity.  

[saraha]

My small conservative rural town and the two others in my county would appreciate the noncandy prizes. I have not encountered anyone thinking having a non food option as any kind of “thing” accept nice.

Now if you brought vegan chocolate…

[Momto6inIN]

My very conservative and overwhelmingly religious IN town would not consider that woke. At all.

In fact, the people I know who are most allergy conscious are some of the most conservative homeschoolers I know.

[ScoutTN]

Of course not! Considerate snd thoughtful, rather. Many parents and some kids prefer non food treats, even without allergies.

[HomeAgain]

I'm a terrible person and the first person to complain would get me LOUDLY asking them which teachings of the church don't want me to be kind to children.

We keep two buckets at our house: one full of traditional candy and the other with bubbles, baby treats, and allergy/religious-sensitive treats (kosher, gf/nf/df)

Kindness is as woke as Jesus is. His followers are often blindfolded and doing a dizzy bat race, though.

[Ting Tang]

Conservative rural community member here. I make bags with both. The kids seem to love little erasers, stickers, etc. I do not particularly love Halloween, but we participate.  Even for kids without allergies, it’s a great idea to mix it up. Kids are getting orthodontia earlier, too. Personally, the less candy, the better over here! Candy is also so expensive. Oh now I’m remembering why I hate Halloween lol…. 

Edited October 5, 2023 by Ting Tang

[Spryte]

1 hour ago, MercyA said:

Thanks all! I'm going to donate some non-food items and will encourage the director of the Festival to ask others to bring them, too. 

Teal Pumpkin peeps: have you added your house to the list of people offering non-food treats?

https://www.foodallergy.org/our-initiatives/awareness-campaigns/teal-pumpkin-project/map

We always put up a sign, and a hung a garden flag with a teal pumpkin near the street (put a spotlight on it). Once they started doing the map, we added our address.

Sweet that you will be encouraging your church to do this! Thank you from all the allergy peeps! 
 

[Xahm]

I'm glad you are going for it. If people react badly, that's important information for you about your new church. If they embrace the idea, that's also important information for you. I hope they embrace the idea.

[kbutton]

We never have any takers when we offer peanut free/GF treats in a separate bowl unless the kid just likes those options better. Offering non-food treats is more work than I want to do when I’ve not gotten any traction with the peanut free stuff. I think it’s really nice that others are willing to take that on. We’d up our game if there seemed to be a local need.

[wintermom]

No, not "woke," rather "inclusive" (alternative buzz word 😉) as the need for non-food treats are the reality for many children. I worked at our children's hospital, and all the treats offered for the patients at our halloween celebration are non-food, and also appropriate for a large range of ages. Many small toys can be a choking hazard, so having a range of types of small items that appeal to different ages is very appreciated.

 

[MercyA]

1 hour ago, Xahm said:

I'm glad you are going for it. If people react badly, that's important information for you about your new church. If they embrace the idea, that's also important information for you. I hope they embrace the idea.

Me too!

It's interesting. Our pastor led a Mennonite church for many years before coming to the church we now attend (not Mennonite). I have the vague impression that he and his wife are not as socially conservative as most who attend the church. The wife runs the Festival. I do expect a good response from the two of them. They are super nice.

Sending an email this morning.

Edited October 5, 2023 by MercyA

[MercyA]

The pastor's wife responded very positively! Don't quote please, but she said:

"I’ve been so used to doing that type of thing in my classroom the past 25 years, not giving out ANY food as a reward, only little trinket toys and stickers, so I totally understand! 

The main thing we are praying over is how to even handle the “separate bucket thing” at every station with candy in one bucket and toys in another bucket since kids’ hands many times WILL be going into the candy AND touching the toys as well, so avoiding cross-contamination would be very difficult in that case…

We definitely want our allergy kiddos to experience JUST as many blessings as well!!...Thank you for asking!!"

I suggested that we just use separate bowls and have any signs say, "Non-food treats available" rather than "Allergen-free." 

[Dmmetler]

I have different bins for different kinds of treats and just tell kids to pick. Yes, it takes longer, but it lets the kid who is diabetic or has food allergies or aversions pick something that works for them without having to ask for it or stand out. And I've been surprised at what goes first-last year, little craft bags went first, for example, so I've been stocking up on stuff for those when I find them cheaply. 

 

The fact is, unless the event is 100% allergen free AND you've asked parents to refrain from letting their kids eat allergens before they come, cross contamination is still a concern. The trunk or treat I'm doing which is explicitly for kids with special needs that can get in the way of trick or treating has made exactly that request, but there's no way that my house is that safe for trick or treaters, because I can't be sure my neighbor down the block isn't giving out Reese's cups that have melted a bit and a few are leaking in their basket. 

 

 

[BronzeTurtle]

I know plenty of conservative parents who have kids with allergies. What a weird thing to be put on the political spectrum. I think I would not go to a church where people thought less of me because I brought trinkets instead of candy for whatever reason, or even brought it up at all. It would seriously make me think too badly of them to be able to be in communion or fellowship or whatever without constantly wanting to make fun of them for their wacky ideas, or worse. Did your DH say anything to these people or just smile and nod?

otoh, some kids I know with allergies don't want to have the "special" thing labeled for them and to have to disclose their medical issues in front of peers. they'd rather not take anything at all. Some kids like having the option. It's hard no matter what you would do. Even if no one would make fun being singled out is hard for kids.

[silver]

I think that denying food allergies is maybe an age thing? Maybe age and conservativeness combined? Because it's always been people 20+ years older than me.

At any rate, the only people I've met that have mocked accommodation of food allergies also prohibited their kids from going trick or treating.

[Clemsondana]

After reading the thread, I just wanted to note that there seemed to be a bit of hostility towards 'those people who complain about things like this' but...it hasn't actually happened, and the only person who has said anything negative so far is the OP's husband.  Several people have said that their churches do this with no complaints.  I'm not saying that it couldn't be an issue, but one thing that I seem to be seeing more of across different aspects of society is people getting irritated with others for what they imagine that they might say, so they are 'guilty' of something that they haven't actually done.  There's enough friction in the world without being ill with people over things that aren't happening, so I try to watch for it in the interactions that I'm a part of.  

Edited October 6, 2023 by Clemsondana

[SKL]

Offering alternatives is kind.

I think things get categorized as "woke" after certain people start doing it for attention and kudos.  "Look at me, I'm a better person because I have a teal basket."  Then it becomes a movement among all the "better people."  Kinda like when it used to be "in" to say "I have this amazing gay friend." 

You don't have to ask permission, do you?  Just bring it.  If people need the alternative, they probably know what the teal basket means.  If they don't, they can eat your candy, or if they wanna be ninnies, they can bypass it.  Their loss.

[BronzeTurtle]

15 hours ago, Clemsondana said:

After reading the thread, I just wanted to note that there seemed to be a bit of hostility towards 'those people who complain about things like this' but...it hasn't actually happened, and the only person who has said anything negative so far is the OP's husband.  Several people have said that their churches do this with no complaints.  I'm not saying that it couldn't be an issue, but one thing that I seem to be seeing more of across different aspects of society is people getting irritated with others for what they imagine that they might say, so they are 'guilty' of something that they haven't actually done.  There's enough friction in the world without being ill with people over things that aren't happening, so I try to watch for it in the interactions that I'm a part of.  

hmm, I thought she said her DH knew people in their town who thought allergies weren't real. That seems like her DH would have to be talking to people about people who claim to have allergies faking it or making them up. That seems pretty disparaging of those with actual medical conditions. Maybe I misread.

[Spryte]

11 minutes ago, BronzeTurtle said:

hmm, I thought she said her DH knew people in their town who thought allergies weren't real. That seems like her DH would have to be talking to people about people who claim to have allergies faking it or making them up. That seems pretty disparaging of those with actual medical conditions. Maybe I misread.

That was my understanding as well. I found it unsurprising since we’ve encountered these types of people in all kinds of places. Another poster mentioned seeing that type of behavior at their church. So it’s out there, even if OP’s DH just suspected that might be the sentiment in their area. His suspicions are not impossible, and I’m inclined to think that he’s a pretty perceptive person.

 

[MercyA]

1 hour ago, BronzeTurtle said:

hmm, I thought she said her DH knew people in their town who thought allergies weren't real. That seems like her DH would have to be talking to people about people who claim to have allergies faking it or making them up. That seems pretty disparaging of those with actual medical conditions. Maybe I misread.

Let me try to describe an attitude that is not uncommon around here. It goes something like this: Scientists lie. Big Pharma lies. Covid's not real and masks don't work. Kids don't need medication, they need discipline. No one was allergic to food when I was young. I've eaten Red40 all my life and it never hurt me. And by the way, people who want weird food are special snowflakes. There's a Native American phrase for vegetarian. It means "bad hunter." Let the kids have their candy. It's tradition.

See how it's all kind of connected? We think the way we've always thought and anything else is wrong. And liberal. And communist. 

Edited October 6, 2023 by MercyA

[SKL]

I probably wouldn't specify that the non-candy treats are for a specific type of child though.  I'd probably just offer "candy or toy/sticker?" or just let them pick one item from an assortment.

It's true that some of the non-candy prizes won't be used immediately.  So save them for the next event, or donate them somewhere.  You can buy these types of items very cheaply from sources such as Oriental Trading Company, so it's really not a big decision IMO.

[BronzeTurtle]

1 hour ago, MercyA said:

Let me try to describe an attitude that is not uncommon around here. It goes something like this: Scientists lie. Big Pharma lies. Covid's not real and masks don't work. Kids don't need medication, they need discipline. No one was allergic to food when I was young. I've eaten Red40 all my life and it never hurt me. And by the way, people who want weird food are special snowflakes. There's a Native American phrase for vegetarian. It means "bad hunter." Let the kids have their candy. It's tradition.

See how it's all kind of connected? We think the way we've always thought and anything else is wrong. And liberal. And communist. 

to be honest, no I don't see how it's all connected or that any one person believes all those things at once. the anti-meds people I know aren't the people calling for more discipline. The crunchy food people I know who don't want additives and dyes are generally conservative. for example, a lot of my progressive friends that i know well enough to talk to feel dismayed about vaccines but don't eschew them in general, but often express regret about how zealous they were in hindsight. some do not, but some do. we are individuals with who we voted for in common but varying viewpoints on any given thing.

my confusion was just in response to clemsondana's post because she thought no one actually told you they thought allergies were fake, but your op led me to believe people were saying this to your dh's face and that is why he thought you would be in trouble for your plan of advertising allergen-free treats.

I'm sorry you have to thread the needle on this but reading your op again, maybe trying to make it into a thing with a sign and making people ask for the non-food treat is just complicating matters. it sounds like church leadership is very in favor of offering an alternative. still, I think putting out a sign telling kids or parents to disclose their medical information in order to ask get a different treat (the situation in the op) is just begging for trouble and not from the people saying all the stuff above, but just generally singling out kids with allergies. I don't think you even need to do anything to have non-food treats out for kids at something like that. Many places are big on food, but some aren't. Some conservative parents I know are very anti-sugary-treats-at-every-event and would prefer trinkets. Likely no one would notice either way or somehow demand candy from you instead of small toys? 

in a more general sense I would probably, in a church setting, just talk to individuals and take them as individuals and brothers and sisters in the faith instead of an amalgamation of what you think their general attitude is about any given thing based on the list above. maybe you meet someone who fits the stereotype but probably you meet people you disagree with on somethings and agree on others. If you really do disdain them for all of the above, and think they disdain you as liberal and communist, I would find a different church for everyone's spiritual wellbeing. it can't be good to walk around thinking that your fellow church-goers are this terrible. or for you and dh to be talking about them this way at home in anticipation that they will hate what you're about.

 

Edited October 6, 2023 by BronzeTurtle

[Indigo Blue]

I understand not assuming someone is going to react negatively, for sure!

These days, though, people are just all weird about everything, so one naturally anticipates these things, even if it is unwarranted. (Not saying Mercy’s Dh is doing that). 
 

It really is hard to have an allergy these days. Gluten allergies are supposedly made up. You can’t even mention that you are a vegan, because then you are  a weirdo. 
 

I think I would totally feel like Mercy’s husband, and I might proceed with caution and be subtle about if possible. It’s ridiculous, but that’s really how it is out there in lots of places. 

[MercyA]

@BronzeTurtle:

I thought offering non-food treats would be a kind thing to do. I also thought advertising the fact that we were offering them would be helpful for parents who might have skipped the activity entirely otherwise. Years ago I would have LOVED to see a sign that said something like, "Food allergies? We have non-food treats here!" 

When I talked to DH about my plan, he said he thought it had few upsides and many potential downsides. I thought, surely not! There's no way acknowledging food allergies and providing alternatives would be considered "woke." On the other hand, I know my DH is perceptive about most things and understands human nature well. He said (or I suggested--I don't remember who it was!) that we should ask the forum. So I did.

Admittedly I hadn't thought everything through thoroughly. I agree with you and others who have said that we should just let kids choose if they'd like a treat or trinket. I don't want to single out kids OR make kids who don't have allergies feel left out! 

I am new at the church and they have only ever asked for two donations: candy and food for the meal. I thought it best to ask if 1. if trinkets would be okay and 2. if we could get the church on board so there would be enough. I plan to donate some prizes, but I cannot afford to buy them for hundreds of kids who will be playing half a dozen games each.

If you lived in my small community, you would quickly learn that the vast majority of conservative church-goers here share similar opinions about most everything and assume others share those opinions too. I know this from long experience here. You are fortunate if you see many viewpoints in your circles.

I don't think people at my church are terrible. I do think they are sometimes close-minded and ill-informed. Churches should be about the business of Inclusion and kindness and caring for other people. These past few years have shown that many of them are doing anything but that. Many people in my town *literally died* because churches lacked consideration and knowledge and still very few people have changed their views. I think my frustration and my DH's pessimism are justified at this point.

I'd frankly rather not go to church at all right now. I go for my DD. If I can help someone while I'm there, great. 

Hope that clears up your confusion.

Edited October 6, 2023 by MercyA

[BronzeTurtle]

18 minutes ago, MercyA said:

@BronzeTurtle:

I thought offering non-food treats would be a kind thing to do. I also thought advertising the fact that we were offering them would be helpful for parents who might have skipped the activity entirely otherwise. Years ago I would have LOVED to see a sign that said something like, "Food allergies? We have non-food treats here!" 

When I talked to DH about my plan, he said he thought it had few upsides and many potential downsides. I thought, surely not! There's no way acknowledging food allergies and providing alternatives would be considered "woke." On the other hand, I know my DH is perceptive about most things and understands human nature well. He said (or I suggested--I don't remember who it was!) that we should ask the forum. So I did.

Admittedly I hadn't thought everything through thoroughly. I agree with you and others who have said that we should just let kids choose if they'd like a treat or trinket. I don't want to single out kids OR make kids who don't have allergies feel left out! 

I am new at the church and they have only ever asked for two donations: candy and food for the meal. I thought it best to ask if 1. if trinkets would be okay and 2. if we could get the church on board so there would be enough. I plan to donate some prizes, but I cannot afford to buy them for hundreds of kids who will be playing half a dozen games each.

If you lived in my small community, you would quickly learn that the vast majority of conservative church-goers here share similar opinions about most everything and assume others share those opinions too. I know this from long experience here. You are fortunate if you see many viewpoints in your circles.

I don't think people at my church are terrible. I do think they are sometimes close-minded and ill-informed. Churches should be about the business of Inclusion and kindness and caring for other people. These past few years have shown that many of them are doing anything but that. Many people in my town *literally died* because churches lacked consideration and knowledge and still very few people have changed their views. I think my frustration and my DH's pessimism are justified at this point.

I'd frankly rather not go to church at all right now. I go for my DD. If I can help someone while I'm there, great. 

Hope that clears up your confusion.

Close-minded and ill-informed does seem pretty terrible to me. Sorry you have to deal with all of that. It is hard to be in a faith tradition with people who seem to be messed up all the time either out of ignorance or willful stubbornness. It would be very lonely to be the one of the only people trying to do right by others.

[MercyA]

5 minutes ago, BronzeTurtle said:

Close-minded and ill-informed does seem pretty terrible to me. Sorry you have to deal with all of that. It is hard to be in a faith tradition with people who seem to be messed up all the time either out of ignorance or willful stubbornness. It would be very lonely to be the one of the only people trying to do right by others.

They are trying to do right (and I confess I sometimes don't). I am sure I have my own blind spots.

I think a lot of it comes down to: 1. a lack of critical thinking, 2. trust in questionable sources of information, and 3. "us vs. them" thinking. And those are certainly not problems confined to the church. 

[Dmmetler]

I think I'd arrange for non-food treats to be available and put the event on the Teal Pumpkin registry, or mention it on Nextdoor or community groups if people are asking, in that case. It would let people find it who need it, but avoid triggering the reaction your DH fears. 

 

 

 

[Indigo Blue]

It’s sad that being woke has become such a bad thing. I don’t know if passing out allergy-free items could be classified as being woke, but I can see how some people could start to lump that in there, too. But being woke was not supposed to be a bad thing. Somehow, it now is.