JAWM Tired of not having my own spot

[TexasProud]

I know I posted about this in January, but still bugging me.  I have taken over middle son's room.  I did that in January.  I moved a chair in there. Cleaned out cabinets and put my stuff there.  But I am so tired of moving in and out of there..  Son came home with his girlfriend, so I moved my stuff to dining room/my room.  Moved it back in when they left.  Had a couple of weeks.  We are hosting a couple of young ladies starting later this week, so once again, I am moving it out to be moving in back in late next week. 

I just struggle moving my stuff all over creation. Sometimes I have trouble finding things.  

That is all. 

[Innisfree]

I completely agree with you. Having a spot just for each adult in the family would be wonderful. 

[maize]

Is there some other space you could take over? How many rooms are in your house and how many people live there?

[TexasProud]

9 minutes ago, maize said:

Is there some other space you could take over? How many rooms are in your house and how many people live there?

Well, technically only dh and I live here.  We have 4 bedrooms: master and three kids.  Youngest is home from college for the summer. Plus her room has pee cat in it.  No guest will ever sleep on that bed. enough said.  Plus her furniture is really too large for the room.  But in another year, she will move out with all of her stuff in the room. Oldest works remotely and comes for 2-3 weeks at a time every so often.  Middle one isn't here very often at all, but this is the designated guest room. But easiest one for me to take over. I am up a couple of hours before my husband, plus I need to be able to shut the door and work and not be disturbed so master bedroom won't work.   Kitchen, formal dining,living room and breakfast room all open up to each other.   My husband has his study.  We have the playroom that opens into the utility room(washer dryer) study on one end and the garage for the other end.  Again, not good for closing off for dedicated work times.  Middle son's room is best right now, I think. 

Edited June 27, 2023 by TexasProud

[Wheres Toto]

What is the playroom being used for since your kids appear to be grown?  Even if it's open to other rooms, if it's generally only you and dh home, that shouldn't be too disruptive to have that as your space, especially if you put some sort of door between it and the utility room/study.   If people walk through there, you can have cabinets to keep your stuff hidden away if you don't want it where everyone can see it.     Sounds like that may be less disruptive than constantly having to move stuff around.  

Or put cabinets to hold your stuff in the dining room and use that all the time.

[TexasProud]

8 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said:

What is the playroom being used for since your kids appear to be grown?  Even if it's open to other rooms, if it's generally only you and dh home, that shouldn't be too disruptive to have that as your space, especially if you put some sort of door between it and the utility room/study.   If people walk through there, you can have cabinets to keep your stuff hidden away if you don't want it where everyone can see it.     Sounds like that may be less disruptive than constantly having to move stuff around.  

Or put cabinets to hold your stuff in the dining room and use that all the time.

My husband comes in and out of that garage door a ton during the day. (We are both home all day.)  I really need something closed off.  For the dining room,  the kitchen is right there.  Right now, if the door to middle one's room is shut, he knows he cannot disturb me.  To do deep work, I really cannot be distracted. This is what the playroom looks like.  He also rides the bicycle nearly every morning that is in there.   We watch tv in here. 

[Grace Hopper]

Did you go back and reread your January thread? I bet that’s got a lot of good ideas that will be repeated here. 
 

FWIW, I believe you are entitled to your own space and should have no shame about staking your claim. You can but but but this suggestion, but realize that you are *choosing* to not make a place for yourself. 

We have a 5 bedroom home and have a constant stream of guests, family and international students and college students and bonus kids and their pets. One bedroom is the primary suite. I have claimed two of the 5 bedrooms for my own purposes (one for private sleeping since my dh and I keep different schedules, and one for studio space - leaving two bedrooms available). One I’ll give up only if absolutely required, the other is nonnegotiable; guests overflowing the available rooms get to sleep on sofas and/or air mattresses. I am a primary, permanent resident of the house and choose not to live around the what-ifs. You don’t have to, either. A four bedroom house is a big house. There’s space for you, just claim it. After decades of actively parenting, you’ve earned it. 

Edited June 27, 2023 by Grace Hopper

[Annie G]

I would make one of the bedrooms the guest room, whether it’s for your son who works remotely or your younger son. Use the other bedroom for your space. Perhaps put a couch that folds out into a bed in the playroom so if both boys are there they’ll each have a place to sleep. 
It feels like you’re putting more value on keeping rooms for your kids to use part time than a room you will use daily.  You deserve space for yourself. 

[Acorn]

It’s time for your children to adjust to changes in your family. When I visit my parents, my spouse and I sleep in sleeping bags and camping mat on the living room floor. Since you have 3 bedrooms, make a guest room used by what ever child is in the midst of longer stay. The other uses a blow up mattress in your living room.  Then another bedroom can be your office, maybe there could be space for a blow up mattress on the floor or a daybed? Then the last bedroom is for the cat. 

[knitgrl]

5 minutes ago, Acorn said:

 Then the last bedroom is for the cat. 

I know the world is much different than the rural one in which I grew up. And I know people value their pets much more than they once did - it has been years since I've seen a dog house in a yard. But giving a cat a whole room to itself is hard for me to wrap my head around.

[Grace Hopper]

7 minutes ago, knitgrl said:

I know the world is much different than the rural one in which I grew up. And I know people value their pets much more than they once did - it has been years since I've seen a dog house in a yard. But giving a cat a whole room to itself is hard for me to wrap my head around.

I think that’s actually college daughter’s room, shared with the cat.

[regentrude]

Yes, having no space of your own is very frustrating. 

I believe we suggested a number of possible solutions  in the January thread. In a house as large as yours, you just need to *prioritize* your need for a space. Not put everybody's wants ahead of it.

[easypeasy]

Once all my kids started college, I moved stuff around so that they share rooms now. They are rarely home for more than a few weeks here and there - and even more rarely *all at the same time,* so I was tired of their rooms sitting mostly empty and untouched while I still had nowhere of my own (dh also has an office).

So, I moved their stuff (they all had forewarning of this and were excellent-spirited about it). Those who had time to sort through their stuff did so - the rest went into Rubbermaid bins that were labeled. A lot of stuff (books, etc) I kept out and on shelves, but I pulled out desks (no one is using those anymore!), downsized dressers (DD2 had TWO dressers for all of her clothes, including a huge closet... but all that stuff is with her now and everything she leaves behind fits into the closet alongside her sister's).

Whenever they come home, there are two "kids' bedrooms" or guest rooms. If more than two are home - they share the space. Mom's room is MoM's RoOm now - the same way their rooms used to be their rooms.

If anything, I figure it's a good deterrent for them if they ever want to move back home, 😁😅🫠

I just figured (and everyone in the house agreed) that it was time I had a place for all my stuff to land. I'm usually spread all through the house, moving stuff hither and thither. Now, I have a landing spot and it's been heavenly.

[KungFuPanda]

Since you’re unwilling to claim a bedroom as your office (and really, nobody could stop you but I know you want everyone else to be comfortable) can you invest in a good rolling cart or desk so that your moving office remains intact?  FTR, I’m on board with the single guest room with overflow in the playroom plan. Are any rooms large enough to put up a wall and divide them. A guest room CAN be tiny. 

[marbel]

I also have no space of my own and it is upsetting.

I can't be sure, but that playroom looks big enough for you to have an office space walled in. Like, full walls and a door. Obviously I am not sure. 

We knew some people who had adopted a teen who needed her own room (all the siblings were much younger). They cut their family room in half to create a room for her.  It ended up looking nice and "natural" if that makes sense - not a cobbled-together add-on. They were of modest means; I have no idea how much it cost but I know they could not have spent a huge amount.  Based on the furniture I see in your photo, I believe they worked with a smaller space to begin with. 

Maybe you could also move the exercise bike into your husband's study to gain more space. 

Edited June 27, 2023 by marbel

[fraidycat]

Turn one bedroom into your study/office. One bedroom into "the boys'"/guest room. Then, for now, keep DD's room for her and the cat.

If both boys are home at the same time, they can share the room, take turns one in the room, one on the couch in the playroom, blow up an air mattress, or sleep in the RV that is probably parked on your property near the house. 
 

Your DD is the only one who still needs a room because she is not yet fully launched. Anyone with a job and another living space already has their own space - at the place where they pay rent and bills. So when they come to YOUR place, they can make do with a couch/air mattress/RV bed/or doubling up on the ONE guest room.

Remote working kid does not get to lay claim to one whole room in YOUR house.

Get the bedroom furniture out of the room you use as an office and re-decorate to make it your own room. I wouldn't even put a daybed or futon in the room for possible guests. Claim your space and keep it sacred. It is YOUR workspace. Period.

[Moonhawk]

I totally get you. I have no spot. I can take over the kitchen table for a couple hours at a time, but then have to pack it all up for meals. It is tiring and nothing long term can get done that way, or at least not easily.

That playroom looks like an ideal guest area. If that couch is fold out, or maybe moving the bed from the middle-son's bedroom to there, it seems like a temporary person/s sleeping in there wouldn't be a big disruption on the few occasions it happens. The two sons can split the other bedroom for personal belongings, or maybe you give middle son a claim to the playroom when he's visiting. Then, you can take that bedroom more permanently.

Yes, that may mean that DH will have to be a bit later on his bike ride when you have guests, and not go in/out of the garage so much (like only after the guests are up, or he can go the long way around). But, it would be a temporary and small disruption to his routine, and doesn't impact his permanent spot, and allows you to have a permanent spot. He could also move the bike into his office during those visits if that small inconvenience of time would matter that much.

 

Edited June 27, 2023 by Moonhawk

[gardenmom5]

I feel your pain.

[Grace Hopper]

28 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

 

This is something I JAW!

eta oops I meant to quote moonhawk’s last paragraph about dh also being willing to bend a bit to accommodate guests. If you make one bedroom for your dd, one for your study, a third for overnight guests (sons or other), the playroom guest room may be needed infrequently. 

Edited June 27, 2023 by Grace Hopper

[Clarita]

More than the finding a workable spot for yourself, I think the having to move all the time part that is the wariest. I have a few years like that where I didn't have my own space anywhere (not at work, not at home) and my therapist at the time said I needed to find my own space that wouldn't be moved. It doesn't have to be perfect but it has to be a permanent my space; where moving out of that space would be my decision (not because of anyone else's issues).  Getting that at home and at work (because coincidentally I didn't have that in either place) alleviated a lot of depression I had at the time.

Not having my own space made me feel unwanted, and not belonging. It didn't matter what the people around me were saying or doing.   

[Toocrazy!!]

I totally agree with you. I hope you find a solution. 

[TexasProud]

3 hours ago, knitgrl said:

I know the world is much different than the rural one in which I grew up. And I know people value their pets much more than they once did - it has been years since I've seen a dog house in a yard. But giving a cat a whole room to itself is hard for me to wrap my head around.

Ok, the issue is that this cat has a peeing problem.  She pees everywhere.  She has destroyed two couches.  So we used to put her outside and then inside the garage at night. She peed all in the garage, but that was ok.  We could wash it out occasionally.  She has no front claws.  But that stray that adopted us that I talked about chases her away and the stray has claws.  So this cat cannot be outside unless we bring the stray inside.  Anyway, when she is not being supervised, she is in my daughter's room and that is where she sleeps.  We have a waterproof mattress, or I thought it was, but she has peed on the bed so many times.  So that room smells bad.  Hence, I am not working in there. Hence a guest cannot stay there.  The cat is 16 years old.  I cannot wait for her to die. I hope my daughter takes her with her when she graduates in a year...  But don't know how that cat will do in a car for 14 hours to get her there as she is going to stay in Indiana. 

Cause yeah.  There is no way I would give a pet a room just because.  It is to protect the rest of the house.  The mattress in that room is 30 years old, so when the cat dies, we will replace it. No big deal. But we have new couches now and we just don't want her to pee anywhere else. Yes, she has been to the vet. Yes, he is as stumped as we are and told us to put her outside which worked until the stray cat adopted us...   If the cat was a normal cat then I wouldn't have this problem.  I would easily completely take over middle child's room. 

[TexasProud]

2 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

I totally get you. I have no spot. I can take over the kitchen table for a couple hours at a time, but then have to pack it all up for meals. It is tiring and nothing long term can get done that way, or at least not easily.

That playroom looks like an ideal guest area. If that couch is fold out, or maybe moving the bed from the middle-son's bedroom to there, it seems like a temporary person/s sleeping in there wouldn't be a big disruption on the few occasions it happens. The two sons can split the other bedroom for personal belongings, or maybe you give middle son a claim to the playroom when he's visiting. Then, you can take that bedroom more permanently.

Yes, that may mean that DH will have to be a bit later on his bike ride when you have guests, and not go in/out of the garage so much (like only after the guests are up, or he can go the long way around). But, it would be a temporary and small disruption to his routine, and doesn't impact his permanent spot, and allows you to have a permanent spot. He could also move the bike into his office during those visits if that small inconvenience of time would matter that much.

 

That may well be a good solution. 

[TexasProud]

3 hours ago, fraidycat said:

Turn one bedroom into your study/office. One bedroom into "the boys'"/guest room. Then, for now, keep DD's room for her and the cat.

If both boys are home at the same time, they can share the room, take turns one in the room, one on the couch in the playroom, blow up an air mattress, or sleep in the RV that is probably parked on your property near the house. 
 

Your DD is the only one who still needs a room because she is not yet fully launched. Anyone with a job and another living space already has their own space - at the place where they pay rent and bills. So when they come to YOUR place, they can make do with a couch/air mattress/RV bed/or doubling up on the ONE guest room.

Remote working kid does not get to lay claim to one whole room in YOUR house.

Get the bedroom furniture out of the room you use as an office and re-decorate to make it your own room. I wouldn't even put a daybed or futon in the room for possible guests. Claim your space and keep it sacred. It is YOUR workspace. Period.

I guess I have trouble with that because of family culture.  No one ever wanted to go to my mom's house because she firmly made it her space.  There wasn't room for us.  So we hardly ever went there and felt like we were intruding on her career/time.  On the other hand, my in-laws moved when they had an empty nest and still got a 4 bedroom house.  The master is on the ground floor.  But each of the kids' bedrooms still has the original bedroom furniture for all three kids.  We stay there a lot in my husband's room.  When my kids have come, there is room for all of there comfortably.  We go there a lot. It feels like we are all more than welcome.  I want to have a heart like my MIL, not like my own mom.  So there's that. 

The bed in there is brand new. He took his original furniture.  It is set up well.  I have no issue taking over and have started taking over the bookcase and such in there.  I moved a chair in there. I have already moved a filing cabinet in there.  I guess I just feel weird saying, I know there is a brand new bed in there, but you cannot sleep there.  Also, we host two students every summer.  Again, if the peeing cat would go away, I could use my daughter's room.  In 5 years, it won't be an issue anymore I don't think.  Which is why I made this a JAWM.  I just need to be patient as things should settle down in 2-3 years.  

[sassenach]

2 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I guess I have trouble with that because of family culture.  No one ever wanted to go to my mom's house because she firmly made it her space.  There wasn't room for us.  So we hardly ever went there and felt like we were intruding on her career/time.  On the other hand, my in-laws moved when they had an empty nest and still got a 4 bedroom house.  The master is on the ground floor.  But each of the kids' bedrooms still has the original bedroom furniture for all three kids.  We stay there a lot in my husband's room.  When my kids have come, there is room for all of there comfortably.  We go there a lot. It feels like we are all more than welcome.  I want to have a heart like my MIL, not like my own mom.  So there's that. 

The bed in there is brand new. He took his original furniture.  It is set up well.  I have no issue taking over and have started taking over the bookcase and such in there.  I moved a chair in there. I have already moved a filing cabinet in there.  I guess I just feel weird saying, I know there is a brand new bed in there, but you cannot sleep there.  Also, we host two students every summer.  Again, if the peeing cat would go away, I could use my daughter's room.  In 5 years, it won't be an issue anymore I don't think.  Which is why I made this a JAWM.  I just need to be patient as things should settle down in 2-3 years.  

That makes so much sense. It's never just a single-layered thing to make these changes.

[marbel]

7 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

I want to have a heart like my MIL, not like my own mom. 

Having a heart like your MIL does not mean having lots of space. My sister has always made room for her kids and their families as they have grown, no matter the size of the house she was living in. People have camped out on blowups, etc in the living room. Kids have slept in a tent in the back yard.

Counter example: my family has never felt welcome in my in-law's house even though we had tons of space to ourselves. 

It's in the attitude of the people, not the size of the house/number of rooms. 💗

[Bambam]

I feel for you. Sometimes one of the other family members will use "my" spot. It is fine, but it does mess up my routine/ability to work effectively for a time. 

I hope you can find a workable solution soon!

[Grace Hopper]

4 minutes ago, marbel said:

Having a heart like your MIL does not mean having lots of space. My sister has always made room for her kids and their families as they have grown, no matter the size of the house she was living in. People have camped out on blowups, etc in the living room. Kids have slept in a tent in the back yard.

Counter example: my family has never felt welcome in my in-law's house even though we had tons of space to ourselves. 

It's in the attitude of the people, not the size of the house/number of rooms. 💗

I feel this. My in-laws moved into a brand new home when my kids were little rambunctious tykes and it was like being in a museum. We were not comfortable there. About like taking them all to the crystal department of Macy’s after hyping them up with a few cherry cokes. 😂

My favorite times with cousins were all of us spread out on pallets on the floor of some room, not always a bedroom. 
 

A heart for hospitality and a smaller space do not have to be mutually exclusive. 

[kristin0713]

Does your husband work from home? You said he is in and out all day. What does he use the study for? 
 

25 minutes ago, marbel said:

Having a heart like your MIL does not mean having lots of space.

I agree with this. You can welcome the kids back to a guest room that is their *shared* guest room. Keeping designated rooms for them seems silly when they don’t live there and you need a room. 

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:

Does your husband work from home? You said he is in and out all day. What does he use the study for? 

My husband "refocused" (retired) in 2019. He is the chairman of the orthopedic arm of a mission organization.  He is the president of our medical mission to Honduras. ( Neither are paid positions.)  But he is organizing curriculum for residents in Kenya, ordering the joints and other supplies we need (donation/grants/etc.).  Then he is Mr Fix It.  In the last month he has packed the bearings on the boat trailer and RV, repaired the fuel gage in the tractor, replaced the heating element and a fuse in our dryer.  Installed a new drawer underneath the RV couch. Oh.. and God thing, I was driving beside a flatbed truck and something flew out of it and took off most of my side mirror.  How in the world it came from the right side and didn't come through the windshield but instead took off my mirror, I have no idea. The physics made no sense. But anyway, he ordered the part and replaced the whole thing.  Anyway, he watches a ton of YouTubes on how to fix stuff like that.  But he has a lot of Zooms and emails with his nonprofit work.  For example, for our trips, we interview every applicant that wants to go on the trip.  He holds meeting with the ortho board about all sorts of things: buying textbooks for the residents, how to prepare them for the boards, who is going when, etc. 

[KungFuPanda]

.

Edited June 28, 2023 by KungFuPanda
Lost track of the fact that it’s a JAWM

[TexasProud]

17 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

So why don’t you put HIS study in the playroom with the bicycle and in and out door and claim that office for yourself???

???  That has been his office for 30 years. His stuff is all in it.  He uses it.  That makes no sense.  

I like middle one's room. It makes the most sense. 

[TexasProud]

JAWM

[domestic_engineer]

I agree with you; it stinks to not have a dedicated place for yourself and your things!

Your husband seems to be a great problem solver with both mechanical issues and with systems.  Does he  have any Ideas on how to give you more dedicated space?

[Not_a_Number]

You absolutely deserve your own space. And I think that as soon as you really, totally, 100% believe it, you will find that space 🙂 . 

But saying something and believing it are different things. 

You should just know that we all believe that you deserve it! 

[TexasProud]

3 minutes ago, domestic_engineer said:

I agree with you; it stinks to not have a dedicated place for yourself and your things!

Your husband seems to be a great problem solver with both mechanical issues and with systems.  Does he  have any Ideas on how to give you more dedicated space?

I haven't asked him.  He has enough on his plate. 

[KungFuPanda]

2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

???  That has been his office for 30 years. His stuff is all in it.  He uses it.  That makes no sense.  

I like middle one's room. It makes the most sense. 

 

2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

JAWM

Sorry. I’ll delete 

[J-rap]

It does sound like the cat has taken over a potential space.  After your dd has gone back to school in the fall, I'd figure out some solution.  Either re-home the cat, or find an area of the garage where she can stay without the stray bothering her.  Having that room as more flexible space would more easily allow you to call one of the spaces your own.  (It doesn't even sound like your dd would for sure take the cat if she moves.)  

 

 

[TexasProud]

Well, the other factor is that by the end of 2023 I will have been gone traveling for 24 weeks when you count it all up.  So I am only here for a couple of weeks at a time normally. 

[Annie G]

41 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Well, the other factor is that by the end of 2023 I will have been gone traveling for 24 weeks when you count it all up.  So I am only here for a couple of weeks at a time normally. 

That makes the case even stronger to find a way to carve out a space for yourself.  After being away so often it would be wonderful to have a place to come back to that is permanent and yours and that makes you feel grounded. 

[DawnM]

Is there room in your bedroom to carve out a space?

At one point I thought of taking over part of the closet to get a space for myself.

[TexasProud]

8 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Is there room in your bedroom to carve out a space?

At one point I thought of taking over part of the closet to get a space for myself.

I actually have a chair in there with my own personal bookcase in the corner.  A couple of issues I have with that are: I get up a couple hours ahead of my husband ( 3 or 4 am as opposed to 5). Also, no way to wall it off.  

Honestly, the middle son's room fits best.  When we moved in, it was the playroom/bonus room.  It is much smaller than the other two bedrooms.  It has a tiny, coat like closet. ( Middle son shared the huge closets in oldest's room for clothes when they lived here.) It has a nice built in recessed bookcase and cabinet  where a tv went.  I currently have the base of it set up with a nice coffee station.  If we replace my daughter's bed with the one in here whenever the cat dies and either my daughter or my son take the giant 88 key electric keyboard, there will be plenty of room for a nice desk and for me to move my little bookshelf from my room in here.  That would leave 2 bedrooms for guests (once the cat is gone.) In retrospect, yeah one of our new couches should have been a sleeper sofa.  I just don't see replacing a perfectly good couch we spend some decent money for. 

I just need to be patient for a couple of years. 

[TexasProud]

Here is a pic of middle son's room.

[fairfarmhand]

Buy an air mattress for the extra room and go ahead and take over middles room. How often are both boys there at the same time? If it’s rare, other sons room becomes the generic guest room.
 

If they’re all there at once do the air mattress in the family room. You can get the kind that are raised off the floor for more comfort. Young people can sleep on an air mattress for 3-5 days and be fine. 

[TexasProud]

11 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Buy an air mattress for the extra room and go ahead and take over middles room. How often are both boys there at the same time? If it’s rare, other sons room becomes the generic guest room.
 

If they’re all there at once do the air mattress in the family room. You can get the kind that are raised off the floor for more comfort. Young people can sleep on an air mattress for 3-5 days and be fine. 

The issue is it isn't just my boys. This week, I have girls from AEP staying with me starting tonight.  Sometimes my MIL sleeps in there. But yes, I have already taken it over.  But I am not going to make the exchange girls sleep on an air mattress or couch when there is a brand new double bed in that room. That feels completely inhospitable.  Next summer when we host if my daughter hasn't moved back home, then I can put one of them in her room and won't need to move out of middle son's room.  

[Laura Corin]

15 hours ago, TexasProud said:

???  That has been his office for 30 years. His stuff is all in it.  He uses it.  That makes no sense. 

Just pushing this back to you for consideration.  He has had that office for thirty years and you have had no space.  You say you want to change.  If the family room, with access to the garage and his bike, makes most sense to be your husband's office - he won't be disturbing himself by going through - then his stuff can go into that room and you can have his office. 

For things to change, things have to change.

[Bambam]

In our town, we have a place called WorkSmart. You rent an office ($400/month I think) or you can just rent the ability to be there ($99/month, plenty of comfortable chairs + tables). I know one lady who did that as she needed better internet - pretty quiet, excellent internet, coffee, "your space".

Would something like that work if you have it local? I know it isn't ideal because you have to leave the house, but maybe? 

[Spryte]

Have you ever talked to your DH, or the rest of your family, about wanting a space that’s yours?

I think that’s the place to start.

They probably have no idea that this is something you want, and don’t even think about you picking up your stuff and moving it around.

Your family sounds loving and caring, and I am confident they’d want you to have a dedicated space — it’s just not on their radar yet. 

[TexasProud]

34 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

Just pushing this back to you for consideration.  He has had that office for thirty years and you have had no space.  You say you want to change.  If the family room, with access to the garage and his bike, makes most sense to be your husband's office - he won't be disturbing himself by going through - then his stuff can go into that room and you can have his office. 

For things to change, things have to change.

The thing is it isn't just his office.  The closet is full of our traveling stuff, checkbook registers, etc.  The built in file cabinets are full of our financial files.  The built in bookcase and extra bookcase are full of his medical textbooks and such that he still uses.  There is a couch in there with no table next to it to make it useful for me sitting.  I much prefer the chair that is in my son's room.  So all of the stuff in there would have to be moved somewhere. Middle son's room is at least as big. Plus it has a large window.  Also, hubby's study get SO incredibly hot in the summer with the afternoon sun beating down on it and the washer and dryer running right next to it.  I really don't want that study.

[Laura Corin]

2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

The thing is it isn't just his office.  The closet is full of our traveling stuff, checkbook registers, etc.  The built in file cabinets are full of our financial files.  The built in bookcase and extra bookcase are full of his medical textbooks and such that he still uses.  There is a couch in there with no table next to it to make it useful for me sitting.  I much prefer the chair that is in my son's room.  So all of the stuff in there would have to be moved somewhere. Middle son's room is at least as big. Plus it has a large window.  Also, hubby's study get SO incredibly hot in the summer with the afternoon sun beating down on it and the washer and dryer running right next to it.  I really don't want that study.

Okay, that's good information.  You could move all of DHs stuff to the family room so that he has control the garage door and the bike. Move your son's stuff to the former office space - it's not needed much so it can be the less-good room. Then you move into your son's vacated room with the pick of the furniture that works for you.