Situation critical here. JAWM. (Little update in OP)

[KidsHappen]

As I mentioned in another thread, my hubby has been downsized twice in the last two years basically due to Covid. The first time was about 9 month after covid started and was from a job he had been a consultant at for 15 years. There were less jobs coming in and they basically "retired" all the older employees. There was some notice, a small severance package and continuing health benefits for a short amount of time. It was enough to help us through until my hubby found another job. But the new company did  the same thing in a short amount of time only this time without any notice, severance or health benefits.

Now my hubby is older but we are not quite retirement age yet. We are not eligible for SS or medicaid. We have spent most of our life helping others so we haven't really put away tons of money towards retirement yet. But we had some and we have been living on that, not at a smaller retirement living rate but at a still paying the mortgage rate. Plus we are paying $3000 a month for Cobra coverage and have paid about $150,000 towards my healthcare. We have drained all of our liquid assets and are literally down to our last month of reserves. We can pay the mortgage for January and I think that the utilities are already paid and we might have a little left or food but that is and there is not a job in sight.

We have good credit and no debt other than the house so we have looked at pulling some equity out of the house or even selling the house if we have to but both of those would leave us in a much worse situation for the future. Of course it would make more sense to sell the house than lose it so we will do that if we have to. Hopefully we won't. Between his unemployment and VA money we make enough each month to cover the mortgage but nothing else. Any other temporary job he could get around here until he could find something else in his field would be in restaurant or retail and wouldn't pay more than unemployment.

The big problem is keeping health care coverage on me. So my hubby who has never asked for help from anyone in his life has started a GoFundMe page to try and raise at least enough to cover the Cobra charges and then we can worry about paying medical bills later. This both breaks my heart and fills me with an this positive feeling that I can't really describe that I touched someone's life enough that they care enough to help. When he first told me I thought that there was no way anyone would contribute any money to it and yet in just one day we have over $1600 already. We have received contributions from people that we have helped in the past and one that really surprised me, one of my dd's old boyfriends. Hopefully we will scrape together enough for this month's Cobra and we won't need it next month.

As far as food I probably have enough in the pantry to make it a month and then after that my dd owns a restaurant so I don't think she  will let us starve. The only thing I haven't figured out is the utility bills. I don't think they will turn them off if we go one month without paying them but if he doesn't find a job soon then I don't know. Maybe one month pay the mortgage and then one month pay the utility bills? Never been here before so don't really know what to do.

One kind of funny thing that happened out of all of this. I own at least a 1000 books and my hubby asked on Christmas day if he could sell them. I said no. Sell all the furniture first and I will sit on lawn chairs and read my books. So we go to my dds and for Christmas I get 5 books, a book holder, a book light, and an embosser that says "This book belongs to the library of KidsHappen". I told my hubby if that wasn't the universe speaking to him I don't know what was. I did say I would do through my books I see if I could part with any though. 

Anyway, if anyone has ideas that I might not have thought of those would be appreciated and I would welcome helpful advice gently delivered but I am heading into a depression so I really can't handle any criticism right now. Of course warm wishes and prayers are always welcome. Thanks for reading and thinking of me. 

Update 1/4: I just wanted to let everyone know that my hubby read this whole thread and took notes on all of the suggestions and we are working on a few different things right now. He is starting to get some more beginning interviews and we are considering that he may need to take a job for less pay than he previously made. We are working on the disability application but it is arduous because they want all of your diagnoses and medical records and that is a lot but we are working on collecting all of that info. He has applied for help from a few programs. He has talked to the mortgage company about delaying or skipping payments, don't know the status of that yet. He has also gotten some other suggestions from other resources that may be of help once he gets a job again. Specifically someone suggested a HELOC. Does anyone know anything about these and if they are a good idea? Anyway, I will keep you guys updated as things progress and once again thanks to all for all o the help, suggestions and support. 

Edited January 5, 2023 by KidsHappen

[pinball]

You should be fine (fine meaning they won’t turn them off immediately) with utilities being late but definitely call and ask for any assistance.

Call food pantries

Call social services in your area and ask for ANY programs

Call alumni groups wherever you have connections

Same with any professional groups.

if you do have credit cards, see if you can get a 0% interest cash advance…and ask to wave the fee. Some cards will deposit it right into your bank account

drive around and look for “little pantries” for food…it is for people in need put up at individual houses

check your state’s website for abandoned money under any name you’ve had, including your parents if they are dead and you were executor.

Edited December 28, 2022 by pinball

[Carrie12345]

Have you run your numbers through healthcare dot gov? We’ve paid a lot for insurance through them, but not THAT much, and we qualified for subsidies even at 6 figures.  (Of course it varies by state.)

[fairfarmhand]

What does your dh do?

[Pawz4me]

5 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

Have you run your numbers through healthcare dot gov? We’ve paid a lot for insurance through them, but not THAT much, and we qualified for subsidies even at 6 figures.  (Of course it varies by state.)

Yes, definitely do this. But also of course compare the plans offered to what your COBRA plan covers. The ACA plans with subsidy might be free or close to it, but if the deductibles, max OOP, etc. are going to be way more--for someone with existing health issues the lesser premium isn't necessarily the better choice.

[Eos]

7 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

Have you run your numbers through healthcare dot gov? We’ve paid a lot for insurance through them, but not THAT much, and we qualified for subsidies even at 6 figures.  (Of course it varies by state.)

Agree with this.  Technically open enrollment is over, but any time you have a significant life change like getting laid off you can sign up.  Agree with Pawz to carefully compare coverage, but many hospitals offer free help with navigating the exchange.  

[Eos]

1 hour ago, KidsHappen said:

As I mentioned in another thread, my hubby has been downsized twice in the last two years basically due to Covid. The first time was about 9 month after covid started and was from a job he had been a consultant at for 15 years. There were less jobs coming in and they basically "retired" all the older employees. There was some notice, a small severance package and continuing health benefits for a short amount of time. It was enough to help us through until my hubby found another job. But the new company did  the same thing in a short amount of time only this time without any notice, severance or health benefits.

Now my hubby is older but we are not quite retirement age yet. We are not eligible for SS or medicaid. We have spent most of our life helping others so we haven't really put away tons of money towards retirement yet. But we had some and we have been living on that, not at a smaller retirement living rate but at a still paying the mortgage rate. Plus we are paying $3000 a month for Cobra coverage and have paid about $150,000 towards my healthcare. We have drained all of our liquid assets and are literally down to our last month of reserves. We can pay the mortgage for January and I think that the utilities are already paid and we might have a little left or food but that is and there is not a job in sight.

We have good credit and no debt other than the house so we have looked at pulling some equity out of the house or even selling the house if we have to but both of those would leave us in a much worse situation for the future. Of course it would make more sense to sell the house than lose it so we will do that if we have to. Hopefully we won't. Between his unemployment and VA money we make enough each month to cover the mortgage but nothing else. Any other temporary job he could get around here until he could find something else in his field would be in restaurant or retail and wouldn't pay more than unemployment.

The big problem is keeping health care coverage on me. So my hubby who has never asked for help from anyone in his life has started a GoFundMe page to try and raise at least enough to cover the Cobra charges and then we can worry about paying medical bills later. This both breaks my heart and fills me with an this positive feeling that I can't really describe that I touched someone's life enough that they care enough to help. When he first told me I thought that there was no way anyone would contribute any money to it and yet in just one day we have over $1600 already. We have received contributions from people that we have helped in the past and one that really surprised me, one of my dd's old boyfriends. Hopefully we will scrape together enough for this month's Cobra and we won't need it next month.

As far as food I probably have enough in the pantry to make it a month and then after that my dd owns a restaurant so I don't think she  will let us starve. The only thing I haven't figured out is the utility bills. I don't think they will turn them off if we go one month without paying them but if he doesn't find a job soon then I don't know. Maybe one month pay the mortgage and then one month pay the utility bills? Never been here before so don't really know what to do.

One kind of funny thing that happened out of all of this. I own at least a 1000 books and my hubby asked on Christmas day if he could sell them. I said no. Sell all the furniture first and I will sit on lawn chairs and read my books. So we go to my dds and for Christmas I get 5 books, a book holder, a book light, and an embosser that says "This book belongs to the library of KidsHappen". I told my hubby if that wasn't the universe speaking to him I don't know what was. I did say I would do through my books I see if I could part with any though. 

Anyway, if anyone has ideas that I might not have thought of those would be appreciated and I would welcome helpful advice gently delivered but I am heading into a depression so I really can't handle any criticism right now. Of course warm wishes and prayers are always welcome. Thanks for reading and thinking of me. 

Sending you hugs and holding you in the Light.  

[YaelAldrich]

That sounds so stressful! Do you have Venmo? Could you please PM it to me? 

[Eos]

Can you rent out a room in your house?   I have a friend who rents to traveling nurses, she started by calling the hospital to let them know.

[KidsHappen]

17 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

Have you run your numbers through healthcare dot gov? We’ve paid a lot for insurance through them, but not THAT much, and we qualified for subsidies even at 6 figures.  (Of course it varies by state.)

Yes we did. The people we were getting Cobra through told us we should be able to get coverage much cheaper through the exchange especially since we had no income but when we talked to them they said no we could and they couldn't explain why not. We had several phones calls but basically just got the run around and no real answers.

[KidsHappen]

15 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

What does your dh do?

He is a systems analyst/project manager in IT. with 25 years experience.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

5 minutes ago, KidsHappen said:

Yes we did. The people we were getting Cobra through told us we should be able to get coverage much cheaper through the exchange especially since we had no income but when we talked to them they said no we could and they couldn't explain why not. We had several phones calls but basically just got the run around and no real answers.

A navigator should be able to help you with that. I would also call your social services department and set up an appointment. If you have no income you may be eligible for food stamps to assistance with utilities.

food pantries. Use all of them.  Many will help with cash assistance and utility help.

Are you able to work or could you be declared disabled and receive SSDI?

 

[KidsHappen]

13 minutes ago, Eos said:

Can you rent out a room in your house?   I have a friend who rents to traveling nurses, she started by calling the hospital to let them know.

I do have a room. That is not something I have previous considered but I might be comfortable with that. We housed many homeless teens over the years for various amounts of time so we are used to having third parties in the house.

[Scarlett]

I know it is really state dependent but there should be some sort of help for your health insurance. My friends who are in a similar situation including major health issues, were able to get our state insurance.  I believe the premium is like $20 a month.

Can you clarify if you are interested in ideas?  I see you put JAWM in your thread title. 

[KidsHappen]

8 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

A navigator should be able to help you with that. I would also call your social services department and set up an appointment. If you have no income you may be eligible for food stamps to assistance with utilities.

food pantries. Use all of them.  Many will help with cash assistance and utility help.

Are you able to work or could you be declared disabled and receive SSDI?

 

I am not able to work. I applied for SSDI once and they told me that I didn't qualify because I didn't have enough work credits. I have been a SAHM for 25 years now. My brother is on disability and he has never worked. Anyhow, I haven't tried since my severe neurological issues that left me in the state I am in now. I was supposed to see a social worker when I left rehab but somehow she never came to see me and we really didn't need the help then so we didn't pursue it but I guess I need to start there. Thanks for all of those ideas. I didn't think of any of them.

[DinCO]

Check with St. Vincent DePaul organizations in your town…they offer assistance with $ for utilities etc. and although it is a Catholic organization one need not be Catholic to receive services.

 

[TCB]

A lot of churches and charitable organizations have funds to help with utility bills. You don’t have to belong to the church for them to help you. My dh is the person who does that at his church and they help people in the church’s area. He gets phone calls all the time about situations similar to yours, and he is able to pay the money directly to the utility company. 
I’m so sorry you are going through such a stressful time.

[Katy]

Call your utility companies and ask if there is any sort of help. Some areas have more than others 

[TexasProud]

I sent you a pm with possible IT job. 

[Annie G]

44 minutes ago, KidsHappen said:

Yes we did. The people we were getting Cobra through told us we should be able to get coverage much cheaper through the exchange especially since we had no income but when we talked to them they said no we could and they couldn't explain why not. We had several phones calls but basically just got the run around and no real answers.

You are likely in a state that didn’t expand Medicaid when ACA came into being. Which means you can’t qualify with no income. 
I’m sorry you’re in such a bad situation. Hope dh finds employment soon.

[KidsHappen]

15 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I know it is really state dependent but there should be some sort of help for your health insurance. My friends who are in a similar situation including major health issues, were able to get our state insurance.  I believe the premium is like $20 a month.

Can you clarify if you are interested in ideas?  I see you put JAWM in your thread title. 

Yeah we were told that we should be able to find a plan for that amount as well but when we called and specifically asked about it we were told no we weren't eligible for any like that. All the ones we were eligible for were more expensive than cobra and provided less coverage and no one could tell us why. We also applied for subsidies and didn't qualify for those either.

Yes, I am interested in ideas.

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Annie G said:

You are likely in a state that didn’t expand Medicaid when ACA came into being. Which means you can’t qualify with no income. 
I’m sorry you’re in such a bad situation. Hope dh finds employment soon.

Yes, this is likely.

1 minute ago, KidsHappen said:

Yeah we were told that we should be able to find a plan for that amount as well but when we called and specifically asked about it we were told no we weren't eligible for any like that. All the ones we were eligible for were more expensive than cobra and provided less coverage and no one could tell us why. We also applied for subsidies and didn't qualify for those either.

Yes, I am interested in ideas.

Can you tell us which state you are in?

[KidsHappen]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Yes, this is likely.

Can you tell us which state you are in?

TN

[KidsHappen]

Ok, I haven't been to sleep yet and I just took my meds so I will probably be dosing off soon and won't be answering any posts again until later this afternoon. Just don't want anyone to think I am ignoring them.

[Scarlett]

12 minutes ago, KidsHappen said:

TN

Ok, that is why you can’t get help with health insurance.  TN hasn’t expanded Medicaid.

It is almost enough to make a move to another state make sense.  Do any of your children live in another state?

[Scarlett]

SSI disability is for people who don’t have enough credits for regular disability.  The income and asset requirement is very strict but at this point if all your savings are gone you probably qualify.  I believe you would then qualify for Medicaid which would solve a lot of problems.  But I know all of this takes time to accomplish and won’t solve your immediate needs…..others have given you some good ideas for resources out there.  
 

((((hugs)))))

[Hyacinth]

Does dh have any job leads? How is his resume? I’m happy to take a look and offer suggestions if you’re open to that. I’m a professional resume writer 🙂

Is it against board rules to post the gofundme page here? 

[KidsHappen]

21 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Ok, that is why you can’t get help with health insurance.  TN hasn’t expanded Medicaid.

It is almost enough to make a move to another state make sense.  Do any of your children live in another state?

I have just in the last two or three years got all of my children to move to within 20 minutes of me. Two of them own houses and two rent a house together. If I moved away I think they would disown me. If we had to sell the house my oldest dd could take us in but my youngest still live with us and she doesn't have room for all of us but we could probably manage to help her find a one bedroom apartment for much cheaper if it comes to that.

Edited December 28, 2022 by KidsHappen

[cintinative]

I don't have answers but I just wanted to say that I am praying for solutions.  If something like this happened to us, our story would be the same.  

[AmandaVT]

I know it's less than ideal, but what is the job market there like for fields outside of IT? 

Our area is struggling so much to find employees that places are closing because of staffing issues (RIP Panera). And they have very good starting rates - $18/hr is common for fast food/supermarket type jobs. Would your DH be willing to work somewhere outside of his specialty until he finds a new job? That may help with short-term budgeting. 

Other thoughts - IT in a school, substitute teaching, teaching computer lab (schools are desperate right now). Driving for Door Dash or Instacart can make a bit - one of my friends can make $200/day, which isn't a ton, but it's something. 

[KidsHappen]

10 minutes ago, Hyacinth said:

Does dh have any job leads? How is his resume? I’m happy to take a look and offer suggestions if you’re open to that. I’m a professional resume writer 🙂

Is it against board rules to post the gofundme page here? 

He doesn't have any lead right now. He did pay a professional resume writer to rework his resume but if he doesn't have any luck soon he may take you up on that.

I don't know what the rules are regarding posting a link that's why I didn't do it. If I got an ok from one of the mods I would post it because I know a lot of people prefer to donate anonymously.

[cintinative]

@AmandaVT she mentioned something upthread about the part time jobs available do not pay more than unemployment. It's been like a billion years since I knew anything but I think unemployment used to pay like 60% of your salary.  So for an IT manager that would still be more than $18/hour in most cases. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, AmandaVT said:

I know it's less than ideal, but what is the job market there like for fields outside of IT? 

Our area is struggling so much to find employees that places are closing because of staffing issues (RIP Panera). And they have very good starting rates - $18/hr is common for fast food/supermarket type jobs. Would your DH be willing to work somewhere outside of his specialty until he finds a new job? That may help with short-term budgeting. 

Other thoughts - IT in a school, substitute teaching, teaching computer lab (schools are desperate right now). Driving for Door Dash or Instacart can make a bit - one of my friends can make $200/day, which isn't a ton, but it's something. 

I believe she said he is currently on UE and available jobs are less than that.  But I agree when the UE runs out he might have to go outside his field.  

[AmandaVT]

2 minutes ago, cintinative said:

@AmandaVT she mentioned something upthread about the part time jobs available do not pay more than unemployment. It's been like a billion years since I knew anything but I think unemployment used to pay like 60% of your salary.  So for an IT manager that would still be more than $18/hour in most cases. 

 

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

I believe she said he is currently on UE and available jobs are less than that.  But I agree when the UE runs out he might have to go outside his field.  

Dang, I missed that post! Ugh - I'll keep thinking!

[Scarlett]

I have posted a go fund me link for a friend of mine years ago.  Not sure I even asked for permission.  🤷🏻‍♀️

[JustEm]

35 minutes ago, Hyacinth said:

Does dh have any job leads? How is his resume? I’m happy to take a look and offer suggestions if you’re open to that. I’m a professional resume writer 🙂

Is it against board rules to post the gofundme page here? 

Hyacinth has helped with my dh's resume twice, once when he was doing a complete career change  and again when he was going for a position that had stiff competition. Her suggestions were great and helped so much since neither of us had written a resume in years and dh didn't have a degree so was going strictly off his experience for a job that on paper required a degree. He ended up getting that position and the resume was certainly an important first step to that.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I forget, have you been diagnosed officially with ALS or a similar neurological disorder?

that should qualify you for Medicare. https://www.als.org/blog/ssdi-and-medicare-faq
 

Also, I am guessing that the national ALS organizations will have resources to point you towards.  Even if it is another neurological disorder, the national organizations often can help point you someplace.

Edited December 28, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Catwoman]

I know this might be awkward for you, but can your adult children help you out financially for a little while, just to help cover the essentials? You could pay them back when your dh gets a new job.

Also, could you or your dh tutor homeschool kids? Tutoring can pay very well per hour, so even tutoring one or two kids could add up. (I'm trying to think of anything you could do under the table, so your dh wouldn't lose his unemployment.) If you're not able to travel to kids' homes, you could tutor in your own living room or dining room. 

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope your dh is able to find another job very soon. At this point, because things are dire, he might want to think outside the box a little and see if he qualifies for any other jobs -- like, could he teach at a community college or something like that?

 

[Pawz4me]

12 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

I forget, have you been diagnosed officially with ALS?

that should qualify you for Medicare. https://www.als.org/blog/ssdi-and-medicare-faq
 

Also, I am guessing that the national ALS organizations will have resources to point you towards.

I believe you need an appropriate number of work credits to be eligible for SSDI. OP said she doesn’t have enough. Unfortunately it’s one of many ways that stay at home parents and caregivers are discriminated against in this country. 

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, cintinative said:

I don't have answers but I just wanted to say that I am praying for solutions.  If something like this happened to us, our story would be the same.  

I think many of us would be shocked at how quickly we could find ourselves in this scenario. Healthcare is nuts.

59 minutes ago, cintinative said:

@AmandaVT she mentioned something upthread about the part time jobs available do not pay more than unemployment. It's been like a billion years since I knew anything but I think unemployment used to pay like 60% of your salary.  So for an IT manager that would still be more than $18/hour in most cases. 

A low paying job can stretch out unemployment benefits longer IIRC. It might be worth checking into the fine print. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

Just a couple of thoughts... we downsized a year ago from our house to an apartment.  We did this because dh is near retirement age and because we were tired of the maintenance and unexpected costs that crop up when you own a house.  And we hate yard work.  So we sold our house and moved to a nice apartment in a nice apartment complex that has a fitness center, couple of pools, walking paths, basketball court, and a great location.  We are very happy.  Plus, since we had lived in our house 20 years, we got a bit of money out of it, which we have been able to use for things we could not afford while still in the house.  

If you think you might downsize down the road anyway, or the maintenance of a house is too much for you (I kept thinking that if dh dies first, I couldn't maintain the house by myself), then maybe consider selling.  It might give you breathing room and allow a better life.

[BusyMom5]

My parents put in little pantries all over town,  where anyone can donate food or even clothes.  Its a give what you want, take what you need pantry.  No one monitors it,  but lots of people supply them with food every day.  Look for those in your neighborhood.  Use the other food pantry and call churches to help with the utilities.  Good luck to your DH on finding a job! 

[fairfarmhand]

Has he checked out Nashvilles government sites? For any kind of computer related stuff. They don’t pay as well as private sector but the insurance is excellent. And if you have good insurance that pays for things you used to pay out of pocket for that’s the same as a pay raise.

[JennyD]

7 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Has he checked out Nashvilles government sites? For any kind of computer related stuff. They don’t pay as well as private sector but the insurance is excellent. And if you have good insurance that pays for things you used to pay out of pocket for that’s the same as a pay raise.

I don't know how far OP is from Nashville, but Vanderbilt and VUMC have lots of IT openings listed, and I see that at least some of the project manager jobs are work-from-home.  VUMC also has locations all over Middle TN.

Hugs to you, OP.  What a very difficult situation.

[gardenmom5]

I don't know what state you are in, but Cobra is generally very expensive.  Have you talked to an insurance broker to check out your options for coverage from the individual market?  e.g. small business owners do not generally buy group plans - they buy individual plans.  I'm not talking about the exchange or medicare/medicaid. 

[Anne]

(((Kidshappen))). Praying for you and your family.

Anne

[thatfirstsip]

The marketplace (ACA) plans generally have out of pocket maximums that would allow you to spend well less than $150k over two years on healthcare. Your premiums alone are insane to me; I think you'd get a much better deal buying insurance on the marketplace, especially if you have little or no income right now.

[dsmith]

I don't know what your medical situation is, but if you have any medical reason whatsoever for the electric to stay on, your utility company should have a program where they can't shut you off for non-payment. We've had to take advantage of this program for the last year. We haven't been able to pay our utilities at all, and that eats at me, but we won't be without power. We were approved because mil needs a stair chair and a nebulizer. She will literally be in the hospital if she doesn't do her treatments 3 times a day. 

Sending good thoughts/prayers your way. We're not quite at your current situation, but we're close. It's very stressful!

[Ottakee]

6 hours ago, KidsHappen said:

Yes we did. The people we were getting Cobra through told us we should be able to get coverage much cheaper through the exchange especially since we had no income but when we talked to them they said no we could and they couldn't explain why not. We had several phones calls but basically just got the run around and no real answers.

Did your state expand Medicaid?   In our state if your income is under $25,000 a year you can get Medicaid.   There are other programs as well.  I would apply online or go to DHHS and ask for any and all assistance they might have for right now

[BronzeTurtle]

I haven't read all and don't know much about health insurance but just popped on to say have his LinkedIn profile updated and active. Employers and recruiters do use it to find people.