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Prayers for dh’s family please

saraha

By saraha,
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saraha

saraha

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53 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

So juvenile. Christmas Day relaxed at your own home seems like such a good option. 

It would to me, but we are going I guess.  I said well if I have to make food the kids and I are not going to eat on top of cooking a big meal for us to eat at home, then I am making bean dip in a crockpot. This evening he had the nerve to say, do you think we should bring more than bean dip? I (probably a little more forcefully than necessary) said no! I’m making a turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, noodles, stuffing, Brussels sprouts and cranberry sauce. And a bean dip. He didn’t like that but didn’t say anything. We have issues when it comes to holidays anyway, but this year is just that much more frustrating.

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Storygirl

Storygirl

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I think that's a fair line to draw. Last year, when we did a gift exchange with family but didn't eat with them, I brought only a tray of cookies.

Of course, if your husband feels strongly about it, he could make something else to take.

And I agree that your SIL's use of texting is juvenile -- but also passive aggressive. So sorry that you have to contend with that constantly.

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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21 minutes ago, saraha said:

It would to me, but we are going I guess.  I said well if I have to make food the kids and I are not going to eat on top of cooking a big meal for us to eat at home, then I am making bean dip in a crockpot. This evening he had the nerve to say, do you think we should bring more than bean dip? I (probably a little more forcefully than necessary) said no! I’m making a turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, noodles, stuffing, Brussels sprouts and cranberry sauce. And a bean dip. He didn’t like that but didn’t say anything. We have issues when it comes to holidays anyway, but this year is just that much more frustrating.

Stand your ground! 

And as @Storygirl already suggested, if your dh wants to bring more food, he can either make it or go out and buy it!

He should be so thankful that you're making such a lovely meal at home!

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saraha

saraha

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Dh feels strongly that if he can’t get them to change it that we go and not be the only ones who don’t. So we are going to go. Its hard to fake enthusiasm when your kids are this old, so the kids know I don’t want to go and why, and so are also not looking forward to going. We’ll I take that back, ds23 is looking forward to seeing a favorite cousin.

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saraha

saraha

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🙄🙄🙄dh called fil about 7:00 since he hadn’t heard anything and fil answered but was in the middle of cleaning up another accident. Sunday will be interesting. I wish he would have asked fil if he wants to postpone it, we already know the answer so I guess it doesn’t matter.

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LifeLovePassion

LifeLovePassion

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4 minutes ago, saraha said:

🙄🙄🙄dh called fil about 7:00 since he hadn’t heard anything and fil answered but was in the middle of cleaning up another accident. Sunday will be interesting. I wish he would have asked fil if he wants to postpone it, we already know the answer so I guess it doesn’t matter.

That might be something for him to ask FIL directly vs hearing SILs interpretation. Bringing up MILs dignity and all. Hugs to you guys. 

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saraha

saraha

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Dh got a text from sil asking if he could go over and sit with mil for a couple of hours while fil tuns a couple of errands. I guess all coordinated help is coming from sil now. Fil tells her what he wants or needs and she is organizing it. Dh is grumpy about it, he’s afraid she’s going to have an accident. I asked him what is he going to do if she does and said call sil and stomped out the door. I dont think he begrudges helping his dad, I think he’s annoyed that sil “punished” him by not texting all day or anything except to ask him to do something. Poor dh. As frustrated as I am, he must be 100 times more so.
 

They already have this weird hierarchy thing that causes tension anyway, and this just compounds it. I didn’t know this til Jack Daniels loosened dh’s tongue last night but I guess at some point during a text conversation dh’s brother said something like, We’ll sil, your the organizer, I’m the one who keeps track of appointments, medical stuff and dh he just loves everybody and is moms favorite 

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Grace Hopper

Grace Hopper

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2 hours ago, saraha said:

Dh got a text from sil asking if he could go over and sit with mil for a couple of hours while fil tuns a couple of errands. I guess all coordinated help is coming from sil now. Fil tells her what he wants or needs and she is organizing it. Dh is grumpy about it, he’s afraid she’s going to have an accident. I asked him what is he going to do if she does and said call sil and stomped out the door. I dont think he begrudges helping his dad, I think he’s annoyed that sil “punished” him by not texting all day or anything except to ask him to do something. Poor dh. As frustrated as I am, he must be 100 times more so.
 

They already have this weird hierarchy thing that causes tension anyway, and this just compounds it. I didn’t know this til Jack Daniels loosened dh’s tongue last night but I guess at some point during a text conversation dh’s brother said something like, We’ll sil, your the organizer, I’m the one who keeps track of appointments, medical stuff and dh he just loves everybody and is moms favorite 

Ah, there it is. DH is considered the doted on baby of the family. But he’s a grown man now, and doesn’t have to keep responding according to a dysfunctional family hierarchy. 
 

It’s Christmas Eve. You are committed to seeing them tomorrow. In your shoes, I’d have my phone off today. 

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Grace Hopper

Grace Hopper

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Also, if your dh ends up with a sh!tstorm while there today, I’d think he’d be more willing to change plans for going there tomorrow. 
 

eta I know you said your kid is looking forward to seeing a cousin, but my mid-twenties children all make sure to arrange their own cousin get-togethers convenient to their own schedules. 

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Tiberia

Tiberia

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Saraha, I know you feel bad about venting and complaining here, but I feel like you’re giving a master class in how to lovingly and firmly make boundaries and support your family when given an impossible situation.

I am learning so much and am starting to reconsider my commitments and willingness to deal with difficult people’s demands.

Hang in there, and know that the hive is here for you, and we’re now invested in your situation.

Vent away!

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saraha

saraha

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I was just complaining because now dh and sil’s two sons are pit in 10 degree weather trying to get a dozer running that hasn’t run since summer so they can plow the hill because people who don’t have 4 wheel drive (like bil ) will not be able to get up the hill. OR we could just do this next freaking weekend when the weather will warm up and take care of it 😡🤬

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Harriet Vane

Harriet Vane

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1 minute ago, saraha said:

I was just complaining because now dh and sil’s two sons are pit in 10 degree weather trying to get a dozer running that hasn’t run since summer so they can plow the hill because people who don’t have 4 wheel drive (like bil ) will not be able to get up the hill. OR we could just do this next freaking weekend when the weather will warm up and take care of it 😡🤬

Ugh. That’s miserable.

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KSera

KSera

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1 hour ago, saraha said:

I was just complaining because now dh and sil’s two sons are pit in 10 degree weather trying to get a dozer running that hasn’t run since summer so they can plow the hill because people who don’t have 4 wheel drive (like bil ) will not be able to get up the hill. OR we could just do this next freaking weekend when the weather will warm up and take care of it 😡🤬

Oh, that is SO frustrating. Sorry. 

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BusyMom5

BusyMom5

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Have a Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 ❤   

May you all make a few good memories.   Let all your issues go by the wayside while you focus on loving your ILs for giving you your DH.  Enjoy this time with your kids.  I will be praying that MILs C-diff gets better, no incidents.  

As for the dozer and driveway- have the ones who don't have 4WD park near the road and have someone else ferry them back and forth.  Works just fine 🙂 

 

 

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Carol in Cal.

Carol in Cal.

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1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

They don’t seem to have thought through why Saraha’s dh might legitimately be MIL’s favorite- because he actually cares about her well being. 

Most of the time when there is a favorite it doesn’t really have a rational reason, and it’s hard on everyone—the favorite, the less favored, and the observers.  Even the MIL might feel a little guilty about having a favorite at all.  I don’t think I would look for a justification of it.  That direction is toward significant family rifts.

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saraha

saraha

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I don’t think he’s really her favorite. He is 9 years younger than his sister and 5 years younger than his brother and was always a very easy going personality while the other two are…more not I guess? He was also born after a miscarriage so, at those ages I bet that did make him look like a favorite. I don’t know, he’s my favorite 😉

Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for being my friends!

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Jean in Newcastle

Jean in Newcastle

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5 minutes ago, saraha said:

I don’t think he’s really her favorite. He is 9 years younger than his sister and 5 years younger than his brother and was always a very easy going personality while the other two are…more not I guess? He was also born after a miscarriage so, at those ages I bet that did make him look like a favorite. I don’t know, he’s my favorite 😉

Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for being my friends!

I didn't mean it in a super literal sense that she favors him and disses the others.  I did mean it though  that his actions actually show love and consideration for her.  That's worth a lot in my book. 

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saraha

saraha

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Went pretty well. Bil and his family were over an hour late and then wanted to eat before we did presents. So we stayed longer than we wanted to but Mil didn’t have an accident and it all went pretty smoothly. I made a huge dinner before we left so the kids and I weren’t tempted to eat anything. As soon as presents were done we packed up and left. Sil’s dh made some noise about cleaning up, but I don’t really care. I don’t particularly like him anyway. We took our dirty crockpot and went home. There weren’t many dishes, just serving spoons since they used all disposable.

Had a nice conversation with my friends son who is married to sil’s dd and played a rowdy game of uno with my kids and a niece and nephew. So lots of drama and worry on my part for an evening that turned out to be no big deal. We came home to another round of dinner and Black Forest brownies 😋

As we were leaving sil was trying to schedule a time for all three kids and fil to interview a potential home health aid. So that’s something.

Hope everyone else Christmas Day was good!

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Laura Corin

Laura Corin

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5 hours ago, saraha said:

Went pretty well. Bil and his family were over an hour late and then wanted to eat before we did presents. So we stayed longer than we wanted to but Mil didn’t have an accident and it all went pretty smoothly. I made a huge dinner before we left so the kids and I weren’t tempted to eat anything. As soon as presents were done we packed up and left. Sil’s dh made some noise about cleaning up, but I don’t really care. I don’t particularly like him anyway. We took our dirty crockpot and went home. There weren’t many dishes, just serving spoons since they used all disposable.

Had a nice conversation with my friends son who is married to sil’s dd and played a rowdy game of uno with my kids and a niece and nephew. So lots of drama and worry on my part for an evening that turned out to be no big deal. We came home to another round of dinner and Black Forest brownies 😋

As we were leaving sil was trying to schedule a time for all three kids and fil to interview a potential home health aid. So that’s something.

Hope everyone else Christmas Day was good!

I'm glad everything went well.  That's good news on SIL possibly finding someone to help.

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saraha

saraha

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Well no surprise to me, but sil texted to see if someone could go up for feeding because she is nauseous with diarrhea. Bil responded don’t worry, big going around his wife and the son that does most of the mil siting were sick last week… so glad the kids and I did not eat a thing or basically move from one spot!

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saraha

saraha

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You are probably going to think I am making this new dilemma up 🙄and I think I know the answer but dh is not in discussion mode, only trading information mode. So.

Friend/Tuesday lady’s dh is a pastor of a church. A young lady who is a prn stna goes to their church. She is 20 and had twins 3 months ago. On one of the days last month friend and I were supposed to get together, stna’s dh called friend and said “come get these babies, stna has lost her mind”. Friend dropped everything and got the twins while the dh took stna to hospital and ultimately a two night stay as involuntary inpatient. This couple have been married a year and have had problems the whole time (gossip friend was telling me when we did get together). Earlier last week. Sil’s dd (I don’t know if she knows about the hospitalization) said “hey mil/Sarah’s friend, isn’t there a girl that goes to your church that is a stna who only works part time? Maybe she would be interested in staying with mil.” Friend was like uh maybe, I’ll give her your number. Friend thought for sure she wouldn’t be interested.

turns out she is. As far as I know friend hasn’t told sil, but I honestly don’t know if sil knows or not, but if she does she hasn’t mentioned it. I did tell dh what I know when he started telling me about the only person who had responded to sil’s texts. He can’t decide how he feels about it, and isn’t sure whether to bring it up to his brother and sister before they interview her tomorrow since he heard it like third hand and she is the only person who has acted interested.

my gut is saying don’t say anything but I just wanted to see what other people thought. Poor dh is concerned enough about it to be in the fence about telling sil what we heard but at the same time is aggravated my friend didn’t tell sil. But that might be because she doesn’t see it as a deal breaker, or she might be respecting her privacy or she might be letting me tell. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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bolt.

bolt.

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3 minutes ago, saraha said:

You are probably going to think I am making this new dilemma up 🙄and I think I know the answer but dh is not in discussion mode, only trading information mode. So.

Friend/Tuesday lady’s dh is a pastor of a church. A young lady who is a prn stna goes to their church. She is 20 and had twins 3 months ago. On one of the days last month friend and I were supposed to get together, stna’s dh called friend and said “come get these babies, stna has lost her mind”. Friend dropped everything and got the twins while the dh took stna to hospital and ultimately a two night stay as involuntary inpatient. This couple have been married a year and have had problems the whole time (gossip friend was telling me when we did get together). Earlier last week. Sil’s dd (I don’t know if she knows about the hospitalization) said “hey mil/Sarah’s friend, isn’t there a girl that goes to your church that is a stna who only works part time? Maybe she would be interested in staying with mil.” Friend was like uh maybe, I’ll give her your number. Friend thought for sure she wouldn’t be interested.

turns out she is. As far as I know friend hasn’t told sil, but I honestly don’t know if sil knows or not, but if she does she hasn’t mentioned it. I did tell dh what I know when he started telling me about the only person who had responded to sil’s texts. He can’t decide how he feels about it, and isn’t sure whether to bring it up to his brother and sister before they interview her tomorrow since he heard it like third hand and she is the only person who has acted interested.

my gut is saying don’t say anything but I just wanted to see what other people thought. Poor dh is concerned enough about it to be in the fence about telling sil what we heard but at the same time is aggravated my friend didn’t tell sil. But that might be because she doesn’t see it as a deal breaker, or she might be respecting her privacy or she might be letting me tell. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm trying to understand all the players here. Am I right if I say this boils down to: You heard, through gossip, that a person who seems interested in the caregiving job for your MIL reportedly had a fairly serious postpartum mental health episode -- and you don't know whether to reveal this part of her medical/personal history to your family members -- who might then hesitate to hire her?

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saraha

saraha

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Yes, that’s it exactly. My gut says not to say anything, dh is unsure but leaning towards not saying anything, but there is that little thing about her being alone with mil that is the sticking point. Which sounds awful but there it is

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Jaybee

Jaybee

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2 minutes ago, saraha said:

Yes, that’s it exactly. My gut says not to say anything, dh is unsure but leaning towards not saying anything, but there is that little thing about her being alone with mil that is the sticking point. Which sounds awful but there it is

I would be concerned about her taking c-diff home to her babies!

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