Prayers for dh’s family please

[saraha]

So… if you have been following the story of my in-laws, here is an update and me posting so that I can vent here and not at dh. Mil fell or collapsed at church yesterday. Sil attends their church. After talking to other people who had been with her at the time, sil decided her behavior and the fall warranted a trip to the hospital. Fil threw a fit, but sil said you can come or not but I’m taking her. After an overnight stay where hospital couldn’t find anything wrong, but mil was up all night repeatedly taking out iv  and trying to sneak out, they released her. Sil says she was disoriented when they left and as soon as they walked into the house mil locked herself in the bathroom, had diarrhea and tried to “clean it up” by smearing it everywhere. Sil went over this morning to see how it was going and this is the text dh got:

 

No. She was disoriented last night evidently. Dad heard her in the office and she said she was looking for the bathroom. He took her to the bathroom and went back to bed. She yelled for him and was laying at the bottom of stairs. He got her up and took her back up the stairs. Then later she yelled for him again and she was laying At bottom of stairs again and this time her hip hurt. He took her to the bathroom and she fell again. He thinks because of her hip. She's still eating so I haven't seen her try to walk yet. 
 

Dh has been saying for a while that fil can not take care of her anymore and has been labeled the bad guy, and now sil who hasn’t even been to their house in two months other than thanksgiving, is dealing with this turn of events. Dh thinks there os a lot more happening when no one is there than fil is letting on. Sil has been updating and venting constantly since yesterday through their family text and is mad because she feels like her brothers are not stepping up 🙄 Dh just let’s her text and hasn’t offered to do anything. He really has just been waiting for the day something catastrophic happens but doesn’t think this is it yet because fil apparently said he didn’t think she actually fell down the stairs but laid down at the bottom and yelled for him, which is a weird thought unless she has done it before and that’s why he thinks that.

I don’t know. I just want to support dh but am unsure how to do that but feel like more drama is on its way…

Like is she had fallen down the stairs the first time, why would he get her up and take her back up the stairs again. And if she was in the hospital because she fell, why would he have let her go to the bathroom by herself and leave her there? Old me would have offered to stay the night last night to spell sil, so I thought I would wait to see if she asked, but she didn’t so I didn’t offer. It is hard to sit here and know that fil is not in his right mind about this and that it is going to take her getting really hurt to make it stop. On the other hand, maybe she didn’t fall and she did pull a stunt.  I don’t know 🤦‍♀️ I just hate seeing things going like this for two people I really care about and watch how hard it is on dh.

thanks for letting me vent

ETA: forgot to put the prayer request part! Please pray for wisdom and compassion for all involved

 

Edited November 29, 2022 by saraha
Forgot to put prayer request part in! 🤦‍♀️

[saraha]

Still venting… and another thing, why did sil let them be there alone is they hadn’t slept in over 36 hours and neither one of them is operating on all cylinders on a good day?!? 
Im trying to breathe through it

[Grace Hopper]

She fell last night, after returning from the hospital, and then had trouble due to hip pain?

Just my opinion but she may need to go back to the ER for a hip X-ray. Also, if on her first visit she wasn’t evaluated for a stroke, they probably released her too soon (wondering if they released her AMA). Vascular dementia involves degradation of both cognitive and eventually gross motor skills as well; she needs a more specific evaluation of her status. 
 

WRT your fil, he’s operating from a place of exhaustion, and probably denial, too. If she returns to the hospital, your dh may want to go over there and ask for some assessments of her cognitive status/behavior. He can ask for the social worker on duty or speak directly with the hospitalist. Her being inpatient- even for a few hours - would give your dh and his siblings the opportunity to get the clinical assertion that she is not safe at home. It would perhaps spur the siblings and fil to make some decisions about future care needs. If they are unable to hire care givers, then they may need to hire a farm manager so your dad can be in the house more. But he may be using outdoor chores as escapism. 
 

Anyway, ime if y’all can get her back in the hospital it could be helpful. 

[saraha]

 Now they are arguing over if they should call the squad since she can’t/won’t stand up. The Tuesday lady and sil are there. Dh and sil’s husband both said call the squad but sil is hesitant because  she doesn’t think fil will agree to that, and dh’s brother, who isn’t there is voting wait it out 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I’m the mean time, if she can’t walk, how did she get down the stairs to the kitchen this morning?

Edited November 29, 2022 by saraha

[saraha]

I texted and offered to run up but sil said no, they’ve got it. They went and got a wheel chair from the church and dh’s brother is coming over. So yeah. Poor mil, I really hope she is faking and not in actual pain because it looks like they are taking a wait and see approach.

[Grace Hopper]

4 minutes ago, saraha said:

 Now they are arguing over if they should call the squad since she can’t/won’t stand up. The Tuesday lady and sil are there. Dh and sil’s husband both said call the squad but sil is hesitant because  she doesn’t think fil will agree to that, and dh’s brother, who isn’t there is voting wait it out 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I’m the mean time, if she can’t walk, how did she get down the stairs to the kitchen this morning?

She needs to go back to the ER. If she truly can’t/won’t move, someone may need to call an ambulance. 
 

You not agreeing to be a regular/full time/constant caregiver is different than helping out in a crisis situation; declining to do the first helps keep you available for the second (short-term, immediate) sort of help she/they may need as they try to sort this out. I know I may come off as a “send-em-to-the-old-folks-home” type of person, but dementia is a game changer. (And anyone else who has had to make a sleeping pallet on the floor in front of a house door to hopefully get an hour of sleep without the beloved elder attempting to run off will tell you the same.)

[athena1277]

If she can’t walk, she needs to go to the ER.  Waiting for that kind of problem at her age will not get better, only worse.  I know your opinion doesn’t hold much weight with them, but maybe encourage your dh to push for getting her to the ER.  

[saraha]

Dh has been saying this situation is not tenable for some time and wants her in some kind of program/home. this part time approach with 4 different care givers and me cooking meals is just a band aid solution. He is hoping if they take her back to the hospital someone will force someone’s hand. If they take her to a hospital, they’ve already planned to take her to a different one then the one she was at yesterday, for some reaskn

Edited November 29, 2022 by saraha

[lauraw4321]

Ooof.  Sorry. It's all so hard. Prayers for DH's family and MIL. I seriously doubt she's faking. 

[saraha]

Just now, athena1277 said:

If she can’t walk, she needs to go to the ER.  Waiting for that kind of problem at her age will not get better, only worse.  I know your opinion doesn’t hold much weight with them, but maybe encourage your dh to push for getting her to the ER.  

He sent me screenshots of their text arguement where he was trying to convince them to either call the squad or take her. Sil and bil are against it. They have decided to wait and see I guess. Dh is so pissed

[lauraw4321]

5 minutes ago, saraha said:

He sent me screenshots of their text arguement where he was trying to convince them to either call the squad or take her. Sil and bil are against it. They have decided to wait and see I guess. Dh is so pissed

He should just call 911. Not everything has to be decided by committee.

[fraidycat]

I have no words of wisdom. Your DH is already asking them to do the sensible thing and they are refusing. I don't foresee a path in which that is the right call, but short of your DH physically picking his mother up, putting her in the vehicle and driving her to ER himself, there is not much you guys can do.
 

I will send all the good vibes I've got that your DH's siblings and father pull their collective heads out of their wazoos and do what is right, and soon.

Hugs.

[saraha]

6 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

He should just call 911. Not everything has to be decided by committee.

He could but if the squad turned up, they could refuse to send her and that would be a whole nother thing for sure

[Katy]

11 minutes ago, saraha said:

He could but if the squad turned up, they could refuse to send her and that would be a whole nother thing for sure

They could also be charged for criminal elder neglect. I’d go there, call 911, and inform them charges will be pressed if she is not examined 

[fraidycat]

2 minutes ago, saraha said:

He could but if the squad turned up, they could refuse to send her and that would be a whole nother thing for sure

Is it possible for your DH to go over and get eyes on her? Or is he at work and can't leave? 
 

I know the dynamics are different in his family, but if I were in his situation, I'd get eyes on the issue, see if MIL could/would stand up with the same amount of assistance (or none) that she used prior to Sunday then call the ambulance myself, if I felt it was necessary. I would then inform my family that if any one of them tried to interfere in her getting medical care that I would also be making a call to the police and reporting them for neglect/mistreatment of a senior. So, the ambulance can come alone, or with a police escort, those would be the two choices.

 

[Grace Hopper]

24 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

He should just call 911. Not everything has to be decided by committee.

 

5 minutes ago, Katy said:

They could also be charged for criminal elder neglect. I’d go there, call 911, and inform them charges will be pressed if she is not examined 

He can definitely call for a well check. And/or a call to Elder Protective Services. 

Inability to walk is serious. Can’t walk, can’t toilet, can’t assist in any lifting…. recipe for disaster. Trying to discern if she is “faking it” is ridiculous. To MIL, whatever is happening is very real. Her inability to communicate pain may be a shock reaction. Are they monitoring her vital signs?

[Faith-manor]

At this point, I would probably be the one that throws the whole mess wide open by calling the non-emergency police number, and asking what it entails to get an officer to do a well check. If the officer thinks the situation warrants the ambulance, they cannot override his/her decision or at least that is how it works here. They can force the issue in a way that the paramedics themselves and your husband cannot.

This is beyond dealing with as a family anymore. She needs a staff, a 24/7 staff. That is the sad reality that none of them e,ept you and your husband are willing to accept.

But, I also understand that this can cause a family fracture that won't heal. I just tend to error on the side of not neglecting mil and not allowing fil to continue to put her in danger. No judgment though if others feel differently. This stuff is always ridiculously complex and nuanced.

[saraha]

So Tuesday Lady/my friend just called me and said the bil showed up and they were discussing whether to take her to the hospital and friend just finally said “If her hip and/thigh is broken, and you do nothing, how are you going to feel of that causes some other worse thing? How will you be able to explain to a doctor when she does end up hospitalized that she has been like this for some time? Will they call family serivces?” And now they are taking her to a hospital. Sil’s dil is an ultrasound tech who works part time at a hospital so they are going there. I called  dh and told him what she said and he said “good, I told them (sil and bil) that they better be prepared for the hospital to say that she has fallen three times in the last 15 hours twice down the stairs, you are going to have to have a plan before we discharge her.” I asked him if he thought that would make them not tell the truth but he didn’t think so.

Bless my friend for “butting in”

I hope the hospital does that

Edited November 29, 2022 by saraha

[MEmama]

After my FIL had a stroke earlier this year, MIL was is in complete denial and left him for *hours* before calling an ambulance. Because, you know, she wanted to go back to sleep and then had to do her hair? I think denial is strong, especially in older people. It forces them to suddenly consider all the things we hope to never confront.

I'm glad you mil is getting the care she needs, finally. I hope she’s in good hands.

[sassenach]

I’m really glad someone pointed out the elder abuse aspect of the situation to them. This is not a wait and see situation. 

[Grace Hopper]

9 minutes ago, saraha said:

So Tuesday Lady/my friend just called me and said the bil showed up and they were discussing whether to take her to the hospital and friend just finally said “If her hip and/thigh is broken, and you do nothing, how are you going to feel of that causes some other worse thing? How will you be able to explain to a doctor when she does end up hospitalized that she has been like this for some time? Will they call family serivces?” And now they are taking her to a hospital. Sil’s dil is an ultrasound tech who works part time at a hospital so they are going there. I called  dh and told him what she said and he said “good, I told them (sil and bil) that they better be prepared for the hospital to say that she has fallen three times in the last 15 hours twice down the stairs, you are going to have to have a plan before we discharge her.” I asked him if he thought that would make them not tell the truth but he didn’t think so.

Bless my friend for “butting in”

I hope the hospital does that

The kids need to be *very vocal* to let hospital staff know that she does not have full time caregivers at home! 
 

Especially if the whole family goes up there (which is not a bad thing, she needs advocates!), staff may assume she has care coverage at home. Someone will need to be vocal and inform them that she is not safe at home due to lack of available caregivers. 

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, saraha said:

I texted and offered to run up but sil said no, they’ve got it. They went and got a wheel chair from the church and dh’s brother is coming over. So yeah. Poor mil, I really hope she is faking and not in actual pain because it looks like they are taking a wait and see approach.

She could be having weakness as opposed to pain or a break. I hope she is not in pain either. 

[saraha]

2 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

The kids need to be *very vocal* to let hospital staff know that she does not have full time caregivers at home! 
 

Especially if the whole family goes up there (which is not a bad thing, she needs advocates!), staff may assume she has care coverage at home. Someone will need to be vocal and inform them that she is not safe at home due to lack of available caregivers. 

I have no idea if they will tell that stuff, or circle the wagons as fil doesn’t want more care. Even though he can’t remember what he had for breakfast and obviously made the decision to make her walk back up to the second floor each time she fell down the stairs and then made her walk down then this morning and get dressed.  He is not fit

[City Mouse]

2 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

The kids need to be *very vocal* to let hospital staff know that she does not have full time caregivers at home! 
 

Especially if the whole family goes up there (which is not a bad thing, she needs advocates!), staff may assume she has care coverage at home. Someone will need to be vocal and inform them that she is not safe at home due to lack of available caregivers. 

This!!!
My patents were in a similar situation last summer after my 80 yr old father had a heart attack. My mother(wheelchair bound with a part time care giver herself) wanted to bring him home right away and tried to get my sister and I to agree to provide full time care. I won’t give all the details now, but we refused and he spent a full week in the hospital, in and out of ICU, then several weeks in a combination of rehab and skilled nursing.

[kbutton]

1 minute ago, saraha said:

I have no idea if they will tell that stuff, or circle the wagons as fil doesn’t want more care. Even though he can’t remember what he had for breakfast and obviously made the decision to make her walk back up to the second floor each time she fell down the stairs and then made her walk down then this morning and get dressed.  He is not fit

Your DH could call the social worker for the hospital and ask them to communicate his perspective on this to the ER personnel. 

[Grace Hopper]

1 minute ago, saraha said:

I have no idea if they will tell that stuff, or circle the wagons as fil doesn’t want more care. Even though he can’t remember what he had for breakfast and obviously made the decision to make her walk back up to the second floor each time she fell down the stairs and then made her walk down then this morning and get dressed.  He is not fit

Someone needs to say it. That’s something I’d get in the car and drive over there and do myself, rest of the family like it or not. Whatever results cannot be controlled, especially if the FIL and other sibs decline help. But I have always talked about the “crisis point” wrt elder care intervention opportunities. This is a crisis point. 

[saraha]

I texted dh about if he thinks they’ll be honest and dropped the idea that at one point he can call the hospital and ask to speak to a social worker. He didn’t respond to that but forwarded this update from bil

At ACRMC.  Mom, Dad and Tracy back in ER.  Took Mom for X-ray -- inconclusive.  Doing a CT scan now.   Her blood O2 is 85-86.  Pretty low.  
So I left her alone, she dozed and it dropped to 81. I got her taking big breaths and went back up 93-94. I bet she needs put on oxygen. That would account for falling and being disoriented. 

 

what happens with an inconclusive X-ray?

Edited November 29, 2022 by saraha

[Melissa in Australia]

Hugs

[Pawz4me]

14 minutes ago, saraha said:

 what happens with an inconclusive X-ray?

I'm guessing they're doing the CT scan to follow up and get a better look at whatever they're interested in that was inconclusive on the x-ray. Insurance companies often require x-rays first before moving on to CT or MRI.

Hugs.

[Grace Hopper]

16 minutes ago, saraha said:

I texted dh about if he thinks they’ll be honest and dropped the idea that at one point he can call the hospital and ask to speak to a social worker. He didn’t respond to that but forwarded this update

At ACRMC.  Mom, Dad and Tracy back in ER.  Took Mom for X-ray -- inconclusive.  Doing a CT scan now.   Her blood O2 is 85-86.  Pretty low.  
So I left her alone, she dozed and it dropped to 81. I got her taking big breaths and went back up 93-94. I bet she needs put on oxygen. That would account for falling and being disoriented. 

 

what happens with an inconclusive X-ray?

Wow so glad they took her in with that low pulse ox number. I wonder what it was reading at the previous hospital before they discharged her?

 

[saraha]

4 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

Wow so glad they took her in with that low pulse ox number. I wonder what it was reading at the previous hospital before they discharged her?

 

I don’t know, they discharged Herat like 8:00 last night

I guess it dropped to 80 when she drifted off so they have put her in oxygen. I hope the staff remember to come back around to her falling down a floor of stairs twice and how that was allowed to happen

Edited November 29, 2022 by saraha

[sassenach]

4 minutes ago, saraha said:

I don’t know, they discharged Herat like 8:00 last night

Hospitals mess this up all the time- discharge too soon and end up with bounce back admits. I think it's very important for you or dh to speak with social work. They need the full picture. 

[mlktwins]

So when their BP gets low, they get weak and will be falling more often.  I am dealing with this with my dad at the moment.  He has 24/7 care though and wears gaiting belt.  They are able to ease him to the floor at least.

Remind me who is POA?

Edited November 29, 2022 by mlktwins

[saraha]

Just now, mlktwins said:

So when their BO gets low, they get weak and will be falling more often.  I am dealing with this with my dad at the moment.  He has 24/7 care though and wears gaiting belt.  They are able to ease him to the floor at least.

Remind me who is POA?

I don’t know, but from conversations I have over heard fil and mil are for each other, but bil has some kind of medical something but I don’t know what. Very hush hish

[saraha]

5 minutes ago, sassenach said:

Hospitals mess this up all the time- discharge too soon and end up with bounce back admits. I think it's very important for you or dh to speak with social work. They need the full picture. 

I floated it too him, he hasn’t responded about that in particular. I don’t think he will until they find out a whole lot more

[Grace Hopper]

Has anyone looked at her meds at the house? I’m wondering if she has access and maybe took something she shouldn’t have (like an extra dose of blood pressure meds). Just a thought. We are currently concerned and working with one of our elders about keeping pills away from the one with memory issues who could easily take meds multiple times daily if they were accessible. One of my parents was on way too high a dose of blood pressure meds and it resulted in dizziness and falls (which went away once the dose was lowered to the currently needed level).

[saraha]

7 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

Has anyone looked at her meds at the house? I’m wondering if she has access and maybe took something she shouldn’t have (like an extra dose of blood pressure meds). Just a thought. We are currently concerned and working with one of our elders about keeping pills away from the one with memory issues who could easily take meds multiple times daily if they were accessible. One of my parents was on way too high a dose of blood pressure meds and it resulted in dizziness and falls (which went away once the dose was lowered to the currently needed level).

Good thought, but her medicine is dispensed now by a hero machine because of this problem previously. The hero is a cool help in her care. Bil controls it and it alerts him to things that need refill

Edited November 29, 2022 by saraha

[saraha]

Ah, broken hip. Not sure as to the cause of low blood oxygen yet. Sh is hopeful that will mean a nice recovery time in a facility to give time to reassess care. He’s hoping if the rehab goes well, everyone will be more open to long term care for mil.

[Innisfree]

2 minutes ago, saraha said:

Ah, broken hip. Not sure as to the cause of low blood oxygen yet. Sh is hopeful that will mean a nice recovery time in a facility to give time to reassess care. He’s hoping if the rehab goes well, everyone will be more open to long term care for mil.

I hope that settles the question of care outside the home. Clearly she (and possibly FIL) are way past the point of managing at home, even with daily help. A nice long stay in a rehab facility may clarify the situation.

[Grace Hopper]

2 minutes ago, saraha said:

Ah, broken hip. Not sure as to the cause of low blood oxygen yet. Sh is hopeful that will mean a nice recovery time in a facility to give time to reassess care. He’s hoping if the rehab goes well, everyone will be more open to long term care for mil.

Oh poor thing! She has probably been in pain and in shock. So so glad she was returned to the hospital. Tuesday Lady should get a nice tip for her advocacy. I dread the thought of how a wait-and-see approach would have ended without her intervention. 
 

Hopefully this will provide some respite time for FIL, time to rest and think about what is best for his wife from this point on. 

[sassenach]

1 minute ago, saraha said:

Ah, broken hip. Not sure as to the cause of low blood oxygen yet. Sh is hopeful that will mean a nice recovery time in a facility to give time to reassess care. He’s hoping if the rehab goes well, everyone will be more open to long term care for mil.

Poor thing. Not sure who you are referencing with “she” and “he” but I really do think the respite that everyone experiences from this stay will help clarify some future decisions. Though, be forewarned that as soon as insurance cuts off, the facility will push for her to discharge no matter how ready you all are to care for her. 

[fraidycat]

Well, the broken hip part really sucks, but I hope that it means a long-ish stay in hospital and rehab. Maybe once FIL gets a bit of a rest from the caretaking he may be able to see things from a different perspective. It would also get more professional eyes on MIL to evaluate her current levels. This may be a blessing in disguise.

 

[fraidycat]

3 minutes ago, sassenach said:

Poor thing. Not sure who you are referencing with “she” and “he” but I really do think the respite that everyone experiences from this stay will help clarify some future decisions. Though, be forewarned that as soon as insurance cuts off, the facility will push for her to discharge no matter how ready you all are to care for her. 

I assumed Sh was a DH typo.

[mlktwins]

I'm so sorry!  Really, MIL is in no shape to make a decision for herself or her husband, and FIL is in no shape to care for her well enough. Someone needs to step up and get full time care in there or get her someplace to be taken care of. It is past time. It might be a lot of work, stress, etc. to make it happen in the short term, but will result in less of all this stress and ugliness y'all are dealing with all the time.

I really am sorry for she fell and broke her hip 😞. Maybe this will get things in motion!

[saraha]

4 minutes ago, sassenach said:

Poor thing. Not sure who you are referencing with “she” and “he” but I really do think the respite that everyone experiences from this stay will help clarify some future decisions. Though, be forewarned that as soon as insurance cuts off, the facility will push for her to discharge no matter how ready you all are to care for her. 

It should have said dh. But of course with googling I found where sometime they don’t go to rehab, I really hope that is not what happens here. If her stay in the psych ward is any indication, fil will be a wreck. She was in there 6 weeks and he lost a bunch of weight and was completely despondent and kept threatening to go get her, but no one would tell him the name of the facility she was in and he didn’t have the ability to figure it out for himself. 
im hoping that he is much more worn down now and he will actually rest while she is gone, but who knows.

[Scarlett]

Ugh what a mess. Working today but following along. ((( hugs)))

[saraha]

1 minute ago, mlktwins said:

I'm so sorry!  Really, MIL is in no shape to make a decision for herself or her husband, and FIL is in no shape to care for her well enough. Someone needs to step up and get full time care in there or get her someplace to be taken care of. It is past time. It might be a lot of work, stress, etc. to make it happen in the short term, but will result in less of all this stress and ugliness y'all are dealing with all the time.

I really am sorry for she fell and broke her hip 😞. Maybe this will get things in motion!

I know, but there is nothing I can do

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

2 hours ago, Katy said:

They could also be charged for criminal elder neglect. I’d go there, call 911, and inform them charges will be pressed if she is not examined 

As a paramedic, if I showed up and someone had dementia or was disoriented, complaining of hip pain following a fall(whether it really happened or not, she says she fell), and the caregivers/decision makers refused to send her(without paperwork like a do not hospitalize or patient on end of life care in consultation with the patient’s primary doctor and assurance a hospice nurse or such was coming out for pain management), I would absolutely call adult protective services.

i am glad she got evaluated,  just be aware that what Medicare thinks qualifies for rehab and what you are able to care for at home are two different things.  She will likely go to a facility for some very short term rehab but you/your DH and his siblings need to be in contact with the facility social worker for day 1 and be very clear that she is not safe at home.

(ps: there is nothing stopping you from contacting the social worker with your concerns. They may not be able to tell you anything as I assume you won’t be on the paperwork as someone they can release information to, but they will listen.)

Edited November 29, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[mlktwins]

3 minutes ago, saraha said:

I know, but there is nothing I can do

I do know this too!  It is a sad situation!

Having been through a crisis like this, that came on very suddenly and resulted in my in-laws dying very quickly 17 days apart, I don't wish that on anyone.

[saraha]

2 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

As a paramedic, if I showed up and someone had dementia or was disoriented, complaining of hip pain following a fall(whether it really happened or not, she says she fell), and the caregivers/decision makers refused to send her(without paperwork like a do not hospitalize or patient on end of life care in consultation with the patient’s primary doctor and assurance a hospice nurse or such was coming out for pain management), I would absolutely call adult protective services.

i am glad she got evaluated,  just be aware that what Medicare thinks qualifies for rehab and what you are able to care for at home are two different things.  She will likely go to a facility for some very short term rehab but you/your DH and his siblings need to be in contact with the facility social worker for day 1 and be very clear that she is not safe at home.

I think it will be easier for me to whisper campaign to a center while she gets rehab than the hospital, so there is that. I can drop by for visits while she’s there versus not even having a reason to be at hospital right now