What would you do?

[TexasProud]

So I just listened to a podcast and she had us answer the question: suppose you knew you were going to die in 24 hours what would you do?

Ok, don't read any further until you have answered that question. Write it down.

 

 

Ok, now you die in a week? Anything you would add?

 

A month?  A year?

 

My answered surprised me a little. And I wondered if they were normal, so I want to see what the hive thinks.

[Harriet Vane]

If 24 hours--I would tell all my children and my husband that I love them. When I say "all" I'm including the "extras" we've cared for at different times. 

If a week--I would also, in addition, try to go through my old journals once, and I would try to spend each day just enjoying my favorite people. No real agenda--just hanging out at the beach, playing board games, eating good food. 

[Carol in Cal.]

A day—I’d call my semi retired pastor and ask him to hold a Divine Service for my husband and me.  I’d call my sister and the brother I love and talk with them one last time.  I’d write out what to do with our finances for my husband.  I’d have a good meal and cuddle up with him and pray.

A week—pretty much the same except that there would be a side trip to stay at Yosemite in a ridiculously expensive room.  Or maybe San Francisco, to the Sheraton Palace.

A year—Same, except I wouldn’t tell anyone at first.  I’d spend a month winding down my business gracefully, 2 months sorting through things with a dumpster handy, go on a horse packing trip in the Sierras in the early summer, get a very special journal from a high end writing implement store in Carmel and put distilled thoughts in it, visit my dear cousin in England with a side trip to Kiev if possible, and give ‘perfect’ gifts to all of my relatives.

[fairfarmhand]

I'm assuming I would be in good health until I just keeled over.

1 day---I would do a quick sort out of some journals and letters that I want burned. I would write each of my loved ones a letter telling them of my love and hopes and dreams for them. I would spend time with those I loved gathered around me and we would sing songs. I'd write out instructions for specific things I'd like my children to have to avoid bickering and hurt feelings. I would give my family full permission to throw away or sell ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that they do not want to keep, guilt free.

1 week--Same as above, plus, I would trash unnecessary junk to keep my family from having to do this. Would write out some recipes that my family would enjoy. I would spend a lot of time with those I love, including some close friends. Probably make some videos of myself and those I love. I have a few moments of video of my mom and they are treasures to me.

1 year---Full overhaul and organization of all my stuff, and passing keepsakes to those who want them. Travel a bit to the beach, to Ireland. Do some writing about my thoughts of life and my faith. Spend lots of time laughing and making memories. 

 

(Can you tell that I want to spare my family the hassle and grief of sorting through my crap? Such a huge burden)

[wintermom]

1 day: I'd spend the day with my dh and dc, perhaps walking or playing some games in a park with a beach. Of course, the weather would be perfect for these 24 hours. 😉 I'd phone and chat for a bit with my mom and siblings, but they'd be too far away to come for a last visit.

1 week: Same as 1 day, but I'd take the time to visit with friends and extended family as well. I'd visit a few local places I love, and kayak and hike. 

1 month: Same as 1 week, but extend the locations  and people to visit a little wider.

Edited September 24, 2022 by wintermom

[Murphy101]

24 hours:

confession

mass

enjoy a meal with my entire family

1 week

Daily mass

plan and pay for simple funeral so family doesn’t have the stress.

Otherwise I’d just hang out with family and friends.

If I found out right after winning the lotto that might add an element but even if I’m in good physical/mental condition to the end - we aren’t wealthy so there’s only so much I could do or change.

I know a common thing is for people to get gifted a family trip to Disney.  No lie I would turn that down or tell Dh and kids if they want to go then to go without me after my funeral. LOL

I would love to spend 14-28 days without worry about money in Curacao or Italy with the family.  So I guess if money was no issue, everyone already had passports (my young kids do not yet) and I knew I have 2+ months then I’d do that.

[rebcoola]

24 hrs. Spend a couple of hours with each member of my immediate family one on one. Record some video to the kids for the future.  Than have one last popcorn movie night all curled up together.

 

A week take a trip through Europe that we've been planning as a family.

1 month more travel including visiting some old friends.

[Murphy101]

8 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

24 hrs. Spend a couple of hours with each member of my immediate family one on one. Record some video to the kids for the future.  Than have one last popcorn movie night all curled up together.

 

A week take a trip through Europe that we've been planning as a family.

1 month more travel including visiting some old friends.

Ohhhh. What movie would you watch for the The Last Family Popcorn Movie Night?

[rebcoola]

12 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Ohhhh. What movie would you watch for the The Last Family Popcorn Movie Night?

Oh that would be kind of tough but I think it would be the pitch perfect movies.  All of the big people love them and the little loves music so would be reasonably entertained.  Other  options would be Megamind, strange magic, hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and hairspray. 

Edited September 24, 2022 by rebcoola

[Elizabeth86]

I’d be way too frantic. I pray this scenario never comes up. I’d rather be surprised.

[math teacher]

For a 24 hour warning, I would travel just over 2 hours and visit family. Then hop on a plane with dh and fly to the nearest beach. I'd drink lots of coffee and try not to sleep much.

[SKL]

This would be easier if I wasn’t the sole parent of minor kids.

I would go for a lovely nature walk, tell everyone I love them, and do the needful to transfer my responsibilities to my survivors.  Share my work passwords etc.  Look over my will etc. and make sure they reflect my current wishes.  
 

I would have to talk to my kids and their guardians-to-be about how things will be handled going forward.  That would be a very difficult conversation.

if a week, I would add purging and cleaning up loose ends.

If a year, I would retire and find ways to enjoy what was left of my life.

[Bambam]

24 hours 
I'm not sure, but I suspect I'd start with crying. Then I'd want to go see my kids, hug them, hang out with them and my DH. Maybe write some letters re advice/love they can read when I am gone?  I think I might write the facts of my obituary too - just because I'd like those to be right (year of graduation, where graduated from, stuff like that you find in obits but really is only of interest to folks who might have been in high school/college with you, "Oh, XYZ died, I can't believe it - I remember her from ABC"

Week - 
Again, probably some crying, then much of what I'd do with the 24 hours, plus update will, make a list of financial accounts, passwords, people that my DH should remember, contact old friends and just chat with them (not mentioned my upcoming demise). Probably eat junk food that I enjoy for that last week. 

Year - I'd make a list of things I want to do, and prioritize it as well as ballpark estimates of cost - because I wouldn't want to use up a bunch of money and leave my family short. But otherwise I would make a conscious effort to keep in touch with good friends and make sure to have good meaningful dialogue with my family. 

So ... why don't I do these things now? Not write the obit, but make sure to let my kids know I love them and work on being in better contact with old friends? And probably should update that will too!

I figure there is some possibility I might not have any advance notice. Or I might. But I also think that if I get advance notice, I might not be in the best health to do some of these things. So, I'll start now!

[TexasProud]

1 minute ago, Bambam said:

So ... why don't I do these things now? Not write the obit, but make sure to let my kids know I love them and work on being in better contact with old friends? And probably should update that will too!

I figure there is some possibility I might not have any advance notice. Or I might. But I also think that if I get advance notice, I might not be in the best health to do some of these things. So, I'll start now!

That was the point of the exercise.

[Rosie_0801]

I'd write a couple of letters to tidy up some loose ends and finish the painting I'm doing for my friend's sister in law. Then I'd go back to what I'm usually doing, because life maintenance things need to keep happening until you're dead.

[prairiewindmomma]

On the 24h angle, I would do what I am doing today….getting a haircut, eating a lovely lunch with my husband, but instead of finishing off the day with housekeeping, I’d go head to the beach and watch the sunset and the stars come out. 
 

 

[MercyA]

24 hours: Confess my sins and seek forgiveness from God. Spend time with my loved ones (human and other species).

Week: Take a day to sort out anything that desperately needs sorting / getting rid of / taken care of. Then same as above.

Month: Two days for sorting out. The rest the same as 24 hours.

Year: A month for thoroughly taking care of everything that needs taken care of. Another month to contact everyone I love, thank them for being in my life, and tell them what they've meant to me. Then the rest the same as 24 hours.

[Murphy101]

1 hour ago, math teacher said:

For a 24 hour warning, I would travel just over 2 hours and visit family. Then hop on a plane with dh and fly to the nearest beach. I'd drink lots of coffee and try not to sleep much.

No lie I have often said I’ll sleep when I’m dead and I don’t see that changing if I know when d day is. LOL

[Murphy101]

Oh! I’d want a huge family photo session with multiple outfits/settings. Fancy, casual, outdoors, at church, in the living room. Hair and makeup done. The works. Like an all day or two event. And I’d want wallets and at least one larger print photo for all the remaining family. There’s not many pictures of me bc I’m well aware I’m not even slightly photogenic and have a knack for looking weird when the camera clicks. LOL

But I know I’d cherish hearing a loved ones voice and seeing their face for many years. I’d want to give that to my loved ones too. 

[Frances]

12 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Another month to contact everyone I love, thank them for being in my life, and tell them what they've meant to me. 

My dad did this when he was on hospice. Every day he would call a few friends or relatives and say goodbye to them. The immediate family was all there with him.

[Melissa in Australia]

 24 hours I would break my diet and eat all the chocolate I have stashed

A week visit all my children 

A month... I don't really know. I would probably be like a person who had a bone pointed at them, and die in less than a month because of body shut down. I don't do well in extreme stress. 

 

[Harriet Vane]

Here's the thing--

So many of us feel as though we would sort and organize. Tie things up neatly and efficiently for our loved ones.

I don't believe most of us would do this with a day or a week. It's the thought that we have when the question is hypothetical, when we aren't actually under that type of time constraint. 

When I was terribly ill in the ICU, I didn't give one thought to any of that stuff. All I cared about was gazing at the beautiful faces of my husband and children.

That's what drove my 24-hour answer (just be with the ones I love). It also drives my week-long answer--just to quickly sort my journals so that no one is hurt when I am gone. If I didn't feel I could give them proper attention, I'd just burn them all for efficiency. Based on how I felt when I was so sick before, I think even a whole week would feel all too fleeting. The setting and the stuff wouldn't matter--just the people. 

 

And based on this, I think it's time to give some attention to those old journals. They're just in boxes. Best deal with them now so that nothing--not one thought--would prevent me from simply being fully present with my loved ones.

[Arcadia]

Since I am the executor and trustee of my parents’ wills, the first thing I have to do would be to inform my parents’ lawyer so that the executor and trustee could be changed to one or more of my cousins. After that is settled, I would just delete whatever stuff (emails, chats, texts) that I do not want others to read. 

[Laura Corin]

Quit my job, cuddle my family, go for walks.

The same for all periods.

My paperwork and that for my mother is all up to date.

[TexasProud]

6 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

 

 

And based on this, I think it's time to give some attention to those old journals. They're just in boxes. Best deal with them now so that nothing--not one thought--would prevent me from simply being fully present with my loved ones.

But what in the heck does that mean?????? 

People say that and say they would be with their loved ones. But I guess I don't understand what you would do.  

When the podcast suggested it, it hit a nerve with me. Partly, because mom knew she was dying. In fact, I had a conversation with her about what she wanted to do with the time she had left. She mentioned a couple of things, but she didn’t really do any of them in the time she had left. We didn’t have any deep conversations. She just whined a lot about how bad she felt a lot of the time. When she felt good, she did stuff with friends. She did enjoy the trip where I took her to see my sister’s new place in Salt Lake City.

[TexasProud]

nm

Edited September 29, 2022 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

nm

Edited September 29, 2022 by TexasProud

[DawnM]

Spend it with the people I love the most.   My husband and my kids.   I I would call my best friends, although they probably couldn't come in a 24 hour period, they might be able to come in a week long period.   I would tell them all my wishes for finances and such.   I would pray with them.  

 

[DawnM]

2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

For me, if I had 24 hours, I would frantically go through all of the journals and pull out anything that would hurt anyone’s feelings. ( there are a lot… not sure 24 hours would be enough time) I would make a notebook of all my finished writing pieces.  I would write letters, I guess, though I don’t know what I would say to everyone. I mean. I love you.  But I have said that so many times, written other letters. I have no words of wisdom.

If I had a week, then I would really declutter, organize important family photos. And yeah, it may take me that long to go through all of the journals and organize all of my poems and other writings.

A year, I don’t have any idea. Work at a homeless shelter maybe? Go visit others in the hospital? Help others somehow.I guess helping others make their lives more comfortable will mean something.  I don’t really care about traveling ( which is funny since that is what my blog is about). I mean, if I knew I only had a year, I would stay in one place, but really…nothing would matter anyway. In ten years, no one will know I was on the planet except my family.  And in 50 years, I will just be oh yeah… xxxx.  I mean, my kids may not get married and have kids, so it may just end with us. So what is the point?

So I have started doing that. I have gone through the seminary stuff and gone through 3 journals so far. My husband is going back to Africa for a month and so I will have a month by myself here and will be going through all of our family photos. I will also write letters, but not sure what I would say.

I ended up burning my high school journals.   It was too much to go through and I cringed reading them.   I wish I had the time to go through and at least pull out the memories, but I knew that would be too much.  It wasn't really about hurting people's feelings, just teen angst and stupidity.

And for the other, I won't go into detail, but I would start going through those NOW.   My mother's journals should NOT have been passed along to me.   They will end up being burned.   They weren't hurtful in the "saying bad things about me" way, but they were personal opinions and feelings and now that she is dead she can't take any of it back.   

[TexasProud]

2 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

And for the other, I won't go into detail, but I would start going through those NOW.   My mother's journals should NOT have been passed along to me.   They will end up being burned.   They weren't hurtful in the "saying bad things about me" way, but they were personal opinions and feelings and now that she is dead she can't take any of it back.   

Yep, I am doing that right now.  My goal is to have the 24 hour and month done by the time hubby gets back from Africa.

[lmrich]

Besides for all the things you have mentioned - 

eat all the foods that I am allergic to - ice cream sundaes, my mom's chocolate cake, a really cold beer with pizza, buttery toast.... 

 

[Murphy101]

I agree people who say they’d organize everything and tidy it aren’t being …. Realistic.  Ime with helping people near end of life, there care exactly as much about cleaning and organizing then as they did before - the hoarder isn’t going to decide to not hoard,  the laundry that was always piled is still going to be piled and so on.  If they had ever cared that much about it, they’d have probably already done something about it.  (No judgement in that - most things just aren’t that important!)

See now for me:

I do not have anything to go through or organize or clean out before I die.   My house is already “good enough” in that department for me.  And, again, we aren’t wealthy, there isn’t an estate to sort. It’d be nice if we could arrange all my funeral and burial plans before I die so that it isn’t a burden in the worst of the grief. That’s about it. 

I don’t have journals of any kind. If I were wealthy, I’d pay $$$$ to a person who deletes people’s internet footprint. No offense, to the many people I’ve met online and genuinely like but the “journal” aspect of internet is something I’ve always had a love/hate feeling about. It’s not that I’m fake online.  It’s that it doesn’t represent all of me and even if it did, I want to choose who gets all of me - if any of that makes any since?  I might spend some time deleting internet accounts  but I doubt it  bc I’m sure there’s things I’d rather be doing before I die or I’d have already done it.

My only “loose end” is a wayward grown child and I have no control over that. I hope they aren’t still wayward by the time I die. We would make every effort to let them know if we were dying but obviously I do not control them.

For me “being with loved ones” just means that.  Bring with them. Not being with them at whatever scheduled event. Not being with them because we need to go over plans for this or that. Not being with them for an hour because at such and such time I have to be somewhere else.  Just being with them.

I do like the idea of leaving a video and a letter but I have no idea whatsoever what I would write or say. I love you, organize your life toward God, live the beatitudes to do Good, and know I love you doesn’t take up much ink or video.   Maybe this is why people just keep listening to voicemails, which I never ever leave and don’t have set up on my phone bc I’d never check it.

[Murphy101]

15 minutes ago, lmrich said:

Besides for all the things you have mentioned - 

eat all the foods that I am allergic to - ice cream sundaes, my mom's chocolate cake, a really cold beer with pizza, buttery toast.... 

 

Amen. Bring on the bread!!!!  

[Frances]

6 hours ago, TexasProud said:

But what in the heck does that mean?????? 

People say that and say they would be with their loved ones. But I guess I don't understand what you would do.  

When the podcast suggested it, it hit a nerve with me. Partly, because mom knew she was dying. In fact, I had a conversation with her about what she wanted to do with the time she had left. She mentioned a couple of things, but she didn’t really do any of them in the time she had left. We didn’t have any deep conversations. She just whined a lot about how bad she felt a lot of the time. When she felt good, she did stuff with friends. She did enjoy the trip where I took her to see my sister’s new place in Salt Lake City.

Gently, I’m sure your mom very much appreciated you being with her while she was ill. Even if you didn’t share deep conversations, perhaps simply being together was enough for her and what she desired or could handle. As for whining about how bad she felt, when my FIL had cancer, by the end he simply wanted to die to be relieved of the never ending severe nausea, and he was the most stoic, positive, upbeat person I’ve ever known. I don’t think we can ever truly know what another person is experiencing.

While my dad called family and friends every day that he was on hospice to say good bye, as far as I know, he did not have deep conversations with any of the immediate family members who were present every day. Our relationship was loving and uncomplicated, so perhaps neither of us felt the need for a special, deep conversation. He was more a man of action than words and I knew he loved me and was proud of me. I do know that some of his younger siblings apologized to him for past wrongs and thanked him for everything he had done and they had taken for granted after their dad died when he was a teen. But those were complicated relationships with a long history of messiness, so that’s why I think those involved felt a need for closure.

[Frances]

6 hours ago, TexasProud said:

A year, I don’t have any idea. Work at a homeless shelter maybe? Go visit others in the hospital? Help others somehow.I guess helping others make their lives more comfortable will mean something.  I don’t really care about traveling ( which is funny since that is what my blog is about). I mean, if I knew I only had a year, I would stay in one place, but really…nothing would matter anyway. In ten years, no one will know I was on the planet except my family.  And in 50 years, I will just be oh yeah… xxxx.  I mean, my kids may not get married and have kids, so it may just end with us. So what is the point?
 

I’m sure you’ve touched enough lives in your time on earth that people besides your family will know you were on earth and remember you far into the future. And it’s completely irrelevant as to your legacy as to whether or not your kids get married or have kids. That says nothing about you at all and so what if it ends with you and your DNA is not passed on to future generations or there are not grandchildren or great grand children to remember you? What matters is what you do while you are alive and the impact you have on the lives of others. And it sounds like you devote much of your time to helping others, so that sounds like a wonderful legacy.

[Harriet Vane]

7 hours ago, TexasProud said:

But what in the heck does that mean?????? 

People say that and say they would be with their loved ones. But I guess I don't understand what you would do.  

When the podcast suggested it, it hit a nerve with me. Partly, because mom knew she was dying. In fact, I had a conversation with her about what she wanted to do with the time she had left. She mentioned a couple of things, but she didn’t really do any of them in the time she had left. We didn’t have any deep conversations. She just whined a lot about how bad she felt a lot of the time. When she felt good, she did stuff with friends. She did enjoy the trip where I took her to see my sister’s new place in Salt Lake City.

For me, if I had a full week, I would hope it would look a lot like our annual beach vacation. We'd cook together, eat together, play silly games or card games or just talk and talk and talk. The conversations aren't always that deep--I treasure the time together whether it's silliness or deeper sharing, and I value the mix. If I had a full week, I would hope to have a day or perhaps some hours to connect with the people outside my nuclear family--for me, that would mean just remembering good times together and telling them how much I love them. 

When my aunt was dying or my parents-in-law were dying over a span of years, we tried to continue arranging time with friends and family and we tried to organize outings we knew that specific person loved. That sounds like what you did with the trip to your sister's new place. 

[TexasProud]

4 hours ago, Frances said:

I’m sure you’ve touched enough lives in your time on earth that people besides your family will know you were on earth and remember you far into the future. And it’s completely irrelevant as to your legacy as to whether or not your kids get married or have kids. That says nothing about you at all and so what if it ends with you and your DNA is not passed on to future generations or there are not grandchildren or great grand children to remember you? What matters is what you do while you are alive and the impact you have on the lives of others. And it sounds like you devote much of your time to helping others, so that sounds like a wonderful legacy.

It isn't so much DNA, but that I am an ordinary person. No one special. I mean even my mom, who broke ground as a woman fire fighter and was "known" in the community will not be remembered. It isn't the DNA, it is the stories. Once I am gone, all the stories are gone. If my children do not have children, then they will not tell anyone, or if they do, they have no reason to remember it. I am searching for stories now about my great-grandmother.  But I haven't shared them with my kids. They won't have any idea except that it is some name scribbled on the back of a picture. So, my legacy will be absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip.  And I don't see that changing in 25 years. In 100 years, no one will care I was here. No one.   

[TexasProud]

4 hours ago, Frances said:

Gently, I’m sure your mom very much appreciated you being with her while she was ill.

Absolutely. I took care of all the doctor stuff, got finances in shape, etc.  Mom got to where she called me to help her make every single decision.  I still regret leaving for that vacation, even though my aunt and my husband told me I needed to.  I would have made sure she took her meds, helped her last another couple of weeks.  When I got there, she sighed and looked so relieved, "I am so glad you are here. I needed you. Now everything will be ok. It has been hell without you."  I was only gone 5 days.  It is all my fault.  I didn't do enough of my duty. I didn't love her well enough.

[Frances]

29 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

It isn't so much DNA, but that I am an ordinary person. No one special. I mean even my mom, who broke ground as a woman fire fighter and was "known" in the community will not be remembered. It isn't the DNA, it is the stories. Once I am gone, all the stories are gone. If my children do not have children, then they will not tell anyone, or if they do, they have no reason to remember it. I am searching for stories now about my great-grandmother.  But I haven't shared them with my kids. They won't have any idea except that it is some name scribbled on the back of a picture. So, my legacy will be absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip.  And I don't see that changing in 25 years. In 100 years, no one will care I was here. No one.   

If you want to be remembered, and it sounds like you do, then write the stories down, self publish them, and give them to family and friends and donate to libraries. That is what relatives on one side of my family and one side of my husband’s family did. Personally, I could care less about being remembered or leaving some permanent legacy. But if it’s as important to you as it seems like it is, then do something about it now while you are still alive.

[Jaybee]

I've thought about the being remembered part a bit lately as I age. Along with lots and lots of other thoughts, lol. I guess I think of it more of my life being woven into the tapestry along with other's lives. Overall, a few of those people will stand out, but most of us are part of the tapestry that help make it what it is, and we try to live our part out in a way that influences others in a positive way and makes the world a better place because we were here. But our individual strands may not be greatly distinctive. @TexasProud, you seem to be grieving a lot in these threads. I'm sorry you lost your mom. I hope you can let go of the feelings of guilt--you did a lot for her; and I hope you can work through the feelings of hopelessness or whatever it is you are struggling with your own life--perhaps it's just the recognition of your own mortality. We have a lot of emphasis in our day and time on striving for excellence and being the best we can be and working up to our potential and leaving a legacy, etc., etc. And sometimes we strive so hard that we forget to enjoy the simple day-to-day pleasures and to be grateful for them, and if we are Christians, learning to rest in God and take pleasure in Him.

[Jaybee]

I haven't really answered the original questions. Definitely food for thought. I'm not sure how to answer them in reality, though. There is certainly an impetus to tackle the boxes of papers in the hall closet, lol! In the thought experiment, we assume we will feel up to doing everything we want, then drop dead at the end of the time period. I have never been deathly ill. But one time I was hospitalized with a sickness that put me for the first time into a state of being okay if I did die. I had never felt that way before, and it was a little strange. A kind of lethargy took over, and all those things I thought about answering to the OP wouldn't have mattered much at all. I would have told dh that I loved him, he'd been a good dh, and please tell the kids I loved them too. And that was about it. 

[Melissa in Australia]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

It isn't so much DNA, but that I am an ordinary person. No one special. I mean even my mom, who broke ground as a woman fire fighter and was "known" in the community will not be remembered. It isn't the DNA, it is the stories. Once I am gone, all the stories are gone. If my children do not have children, then they will not tell anyone, or if they do, they have no reason to remember it. I am searching for stories now about my great-grandmother.  But I haven't shared them with my kids. They won't have any idea except that it is some name scribbled on the back of a picture. So, my legacy will be absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip.  And I don't see that changing in 25 years. In 100 years, no one will care I was here. No one.   

This is the reality for most people. 

 I heard a quote the other day, "A person dies twice. The first time when they die and are buried. The second time when the last person to remember them dies. Then they are truly dead." 

[TexasProud]

54 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

This is the reality for most people. 

 I heard a quote the other day, "A person dies twice. The first time when they die and are buried. The second time when the last person to remember them dies. Then they are truly dead." 

That is so incredibly sad. I hope I am living eternally in heaven. 

[Frances]

1 minute ago, TexasProud said:

That is so incredibly sad. I hope I am living eternally in heaven. 

I honestly don’t understand why it is sad or why the desire to live forever. Life and death are part of the natural cycle of life. Sure, it’s sad when someone we love dies, but it’s going to happen to everyone eventually.

[TexasProud]

1 hour ago, Frances said:

If you want to be remembered, and it sounds like you do, then write the stories down, self publish them, and give them to family and friends and donate to libraries. That is what relatives on one side of my family and one side of my husband’s family did. Personally, I could care less about being remembered or leaving some permanent legacy. But if it’s as important to you as it seems like it is, then do something about it now while you are still alive.

See I do and I don't. One thing I am struggling with this whole writing thing is that you are supposed to have a niche and solve someone's problem. I can't solve anyone's problems. I don't want to teach. The writing is fun. The whole figure out how to publish it is horrible and the tech needed for so much of this stuff...YUCK. 

That said, most of the pieces that have done the best have been my tribute pieces. I really enjoy writing about other people, finding out what is interesting in their lives, and focusing on them.  In fact, I just got approached by a magazine to publish one of them I wrote in a mission newsletter.  He thought it was so well written and such a good story.  So maybe that is what I will start to do: write down stories of my own relatives and also continue to write about other people, to help them be remembered in some way.

[TexasProud]

2 minutes ago, Frances said:

I honestly don’t understand why it is sad or why the desire to live forever. Life and death are part of the natural cycle of life. Sure, it’s sad when someone we love dies, but it’s going to happen to everyone eventually.

Not if you are a Christian. 

[katilac]

12 hours ago, TexasProud said:

I guess I don't know what you are supposed to feel. My entire life has been built around love is an action word, not a feeling. You do not act on how you feel, but on what is right and what duty demands. The proof of love is in your actions. Yes, I say it a lot. I probably tell my husband I love him 3 or 4 times a day and he says the same back. Every time I talk on the phone with a child or they leave, I say I love you. I told my mom so very often how much I love her.  But the truth is, I don't really FEEL it, if that makes sense.

You can show your love through actions, sure, but helping someone because it's the right thing to do does not equate to loving them in the personal sense. Every day, many people help others they have never met - maybe they build houses with Habitat for Humanity, maybe they visit lonely people in the hospital, maybe they decide to pay for someone's groceries. These are all very loving actions, but personal feelings of love also exist, the two do not negate each other. 

It sounds like you've really internalized the teachings about love being an action word, to the extent that it gets in the way of you recognizing feelings of personal love. You might even be subconciously ignoring and pushing down those feelings (and how they differ from loving actions towards general humanity) because you fear that it's going against your religious beliefs. If you believe that love is not supposed to be a feeling, that love is only an action word, and those actions should be based only on duty, then why would you feel something different when saying "I love you" to a husband or child? 

Exploring these ideas, starting with the fact that love has more than one definition, might help open up those feelings for you. A sense of duty is a wonderful thing, as are loving actions that aren't motivated by personal love. But personal love is also a wonderful thing and a tremendous gift, and the two can co-exist. It can be really hard to gain the distance needed to explore lifelong beliefs, but worth the effort. 

Edited September 25, 2022 by katilac

[Meriwether]

I would call my oldest home from college and my parents and sister and ask them to come. I'd invite my brother, but he is farther away. I'd spend the rest of the time hanging out with my family. We'd play games and sing praise songs to God. When everyone was asleep, I'd write letters for the kids to open later. I'd say especially for my 8 year old, but my Dd12 and Ds18 would take it extra hard, too. Dd19 and Ds16 would grieve but fare better, I think.

[TexasProud]

On 9/25/2022 at 6:34 PM, katilac said:

 

 

 

nm

Edited September 29, 2022 by TexasProud

[Rosie_0801]

14 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Therapy has been a waste of time. 

Well yes, therapy will be a waste of time if you don't want to believe in their way of thinking.