How to know if it's the right time to go back to work full-time?

[Noreen Claire]

I've been homeschooling for 6 years now, and next year I will "officially" have four students (8th, 5th, 3rd, & K). I left my teaching job 10 years ago this month, right before DS9 was born. I've always know that I would have to go back to work full-time eventually, but I just kept going along, year to year, doing what I thought was best for my kids. For lots of reasons, I would like to continue homeschooling for another few years, but I'm not sure if those reasons are enough anymore?

The local public high school is advertising for a math teacher. I can't decide if I should apply. It is, logistically, the absolute easiest place that I could work, as: it is exactly one mile from my house; it is where my kids will go to HS; it shares the same parking lot with the grammar school that I would have to enroll my kids if/when I go back to work. (Yes, I understanding that simply applying doesn't mean I would get the job.)

CONS: There would be an immediate issue with appropriate math placement for both DS12 & DS9. I would need to get formal evaluations for DS9 & DS7, who will both likely need IEPs. The before-school program run by the grammar school starts at the same time that I would be required to be in my classroom. I would have to get myself and four kids up, ready, and out the door by 6:45am everyday *by myself*, as DH leaves for work at 5:30am. The loss of freedom in deciding what my kids learn, and the ability to chuck school and take a day trip when the weather/my mood calls for it.

PROS: Money! Extremely convenient location to both home and kids' school. Same school system, so same school calendar as kids. The ability for my kids to socialize with and have relationships with people other than their brothers. Getting back into the career I always wanted, and back to putting money away for retirement. The ability to pay for these kids to start going to college in a few short years. A position this convenient might not be available when I do decide I have to go back to work.

Uuuuuugggghhhhhh. Why is this such a hard decision?

Edited March 18, 2022 by Noreen Claire

[wintermom]

Why not apply for the job. You really don't have a decision to make until the job is offered.

I don't know if there is ever a "right time" to make this decision. Life circumstances change so quickly, and sometimes you just have to decide to go for something and see how it works out. Just because you go in one direction one day, doesn't mean you have to stay there for eterity.

All the best!

[regentrude]

Apply. Then decide when they offer you the job. 

If you really want to, try it out. You can always reevaluate after a school year if it's not working. Going back to homeschooling is always possible,  and much easier than in the reverse direction 

Edited March 18, 2022 by regentrude

[Katy]

Apply. 

[East Coast Sue]

Definitely apply and keep your options open while you wait to hear 

[Soror]

I think you should apply, otherwise you will always wonder what if. Going through that process and sitting with the idea will probably make it more clear the right decision for your family. Good luck!

[Hilltopmom]

Apply 🙂

now is a great time to get a teaching job. High school math (or sped) are especially in high demand.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go back to teaching but I’m glad I did. Retirement, benefits, same schedule  as the kids.. 

it was an adjustment, for sure. And getting IEPs figured out took awhile but all is good now

We have to leave that early too and I’m on my own in the morning- that part is rough, I admit.

Edited March 18, 2022 by Hilltopmom

[Ellie]

See, those littlest ones still need you. That would be enough *for me* to stay home a few more years.

[alisoncooks]

It does sound very tempting! I agree: apply and then see what happens.  

[mommyoffive]

Apply, apply, apply.

If you get it then you can figure it out.  Like maybe hiring someone to come in the morning so you don't have to get people out the door at 6:45am.  

[Ali in OR]

I feel so lucky to have finally been able to get a math teaching job this year at the high school my kids went to. I had been an EA there for 3 years and openings are so rare. I have the job because of Covid--a teacher near enough to retirement went to online because she didn't want the risk. My hindsight is that I wish I had jumped back in sooner. I think I have 10 years of career time left to me. If you have a window open right now for the ideal location, definitely apply. See what happens. Go from there. (also in hindsight, my youngest probably would have done better going to the charter k-8 school right by this high school for her middle school years instead of being home with just me.)

[catz]

Honestly, I wouldn't if your youngest is going to be a kindergarten student.  That would just be such a huge transition, it is actually a lot of work to have 4 kids and you adjusting to school at once.  If I wanted to make moves in this direction, I'd put your 8th and 5th grader in school and maybe see if you could run some math classes/tutoring and work on getting your youngest 2 school ready and watch for your next opportunity.  

If you're considering it, I would go through the motions of getting all of you up and ready at that time for a couple weeks and see how that rolls.  Do any of your kids want to attend school right now?  If you had a window where they were all enthusiastic about it, that might help the transition.

[Acorn]

I would apply. If you are offered the job, then you can decide. The interview process can be helpful even if the timing of this position isn’t what you want this moment. 

[Kuovonne]

Going back to work is a big decision that affects everyone in the family.

- What do your husband and kids think of this opportunity?

- You say that you would have to get your kids up by yourself every day. Do you think you could transition to the kids getting themselves up? Can the three oldest wake up to an alarm clock, get themselves dressed and fed (hello cold cereal!), and walk themselves to school? Will they be able to do that in a few years if you later get a job that is less convenient?

- Do any of your kids have issues that might require frequent or regular days off to go to appointments?

- Would it be easier to start teaching at the high school when you don't have a child as a student in the same school?

- Don't forget that the job will come with additional hidden expenses. Things like kids wanting more/different clothes, lunch money, convenience food, etc.

Most of the pros that you mention are pros for this particular job compared to a different job--not pros compared to homeschooling. What are the pros/cons compared to continuing to homeschool?

[Carol in Cal.]

It sounds like a set up for a very hard life.

I’m on team ‘keep homeschooling for now’.  I would bet that there will be other such opportunities in the future when they fit your life much better.  

[Hilltopmom]

I’m just popping back to add that I went back to teaching when my older kids (now grown) were in high school (one continued to homeschool until graduation, the one with significant LDs entered public school in 8th). I knew we would be needing the money for college (& retirement) but also that I was not going to homeschool the little ones. The age gap was too large and to homeschool them would mean never having a career (so no retirement or benefits). 
I loved homeschooling (& got a bonus year to homeschool the Little’s due to covid) but knew I couldn’t do it for another 12 years financially. 
Our little public school I teach at is just fine and honestly my kids love it. My big kids did not like public school so it was not right for them at the time but with this group of little ones, it’s fine.

It was an adjustment- but we are all doing well. It’s a much different life than homeschooling but I am enjoying teaching and they enjoy school. It’s just a different life. 
My husband rests much easier now that we have better benefits and knowing I’ll have a retirement pension too. Yes it’s more hectic in some ways but not completely. Just different. I’m not running all over to activities or running a homeschool group nor fostering anymore. Now at least I’m getting paid for that kind of stuff.

Edited March 18, 2022 by Hilltopmom

[Night Elf]

I'd suggest applying for the job and if offered, then see if you still feel the same cons. Maybe actually having the job will clarify your thinking. And if they don't make a decision quickly, could you go ahead and have your kids evaluated and if you don't get the job, choose not to place them in school next year? 

[Noreen Claire]

Thanks, everyone, for the comments and questions. I have a lot of thinking to do. I am getting my resume in order, in any case...

Ideologically, I don't think DH cares either way; he likes to brag about the cool things that the kids and I get to do during the day. His main concern is money - he's been working two jobs for 12-ish years now, high school teacher during the day and a community college adjunct two nights/week. This year, he even took on another night at the high school's night school program. So, I am sure he would like to work less! But, more than that, he would really like to be able to pay for most/all of the kids' future college tuition. This will only be possible if we are both working.

So, if I'm going to need to go back to work before DS12 graduates from high school, that means I have 5 years. The question becomes, do I stay at home as long as possible and take whatever job I can when the time comes, or do I try for this job now, knowing how convenient it is to home/public school?

Next year would also be the only year that all four of them would go to the same school together, letting them support each other as they adjust? 

[KungFuPanda]

College for ONE kid is expensive.  Dd went to a state school and it was like having a second mortgage for four years.  There is no decision you can make that's going to be convenient.  It's just HARD.  If you're thinking about transitioning back to school in the next few years, I'd make sure that the 8th grader goes to school for 9th grade.  In your position, I'd apply for that local position and see how it goes. The kids will feel any choice you make.  Staying home might seem easier for the kids now, but the trade off is less time with their father, increased debt load from college as a young adult, and less financially stable parents as an older adult.  Homeschooling is VERY expensive and people don't like to talk about that.  You WILL have more money and security with two adults working.  It sucks that everything is so impossibly expensive right now, but it just IS.  

I'd pan way back and take a hard look at where your finances will be in 5 years, 10 years, and 20 years.  If you going back to work is the answer, I'd definitely try to line up the dream job in the dream location.

[Noreen Claire]

so, i was looking at the job posting again and noticed that applications had to be in by midnight TONIGHT. 😱

So, I applied. 

[KungFuPanda]

🤞 Good Luck!!!

[Ting Tang]

Well, best wishes! I have four children, too, and I often think how hard it would be on me if I had to work. On the other hand, having four is expensive! It’s good you feel you’re in a position to have a choice. 

[mommyoffive]

Good Luck!

[Soror]

Good luck with the process and decision making! Keep us updated.

[wintermom]

16 hours ago, Noreen Claire said:

Thanks, everyone, for the comments and questions. I have a lot of thinking to do. I am getting my resume in order, in any case...

Ideologically, I don't think DH cares either way; he likes to brag about the cool things that the kids and I get to do during the day. His main concern is money - he's been working two jobs for 12-ish years now, high school teacher during the day and a community college adjunct two nights/week. This year, he even took on another night at the high school's night school program. So, I am sure he would like to work less! But, more than that, he would really like to be able to pay for most/all of the kids' future college tuition. This will only be possible if we are both working.

So, if I'm going to need to go back to work before DS12 graduates from high school, that means I have 5 years. The question becomes, do I stay at home as long as possible and take whatever job I can when the time comes, or do I try for this job now, knowing how convenient it is to home/public school?

Next year would also be the only year that all four of them would go to the same school together, letting them support each other as they adjust? 

All the best with the application and seeking a job!

Another bonus of working, which I never thought of until my dad died and I had to help mom with her new finances, is that if you can start paying into some kind of pension (private or federal), it will make life easier for you in your later years. There is life after kids and I think a lot of us youngish moms forget about that. 

[DawnM]

I did things a little backwards.   I worked when the older 2 were born and worked until they were 9 and 7.   Then we moved to NC and I stayed home and homeschooled.   My oldest has Aspergers and once we realized PS wasn't working for him, I homeschooled.   If he had been fine in school, I would have continued working, so my voice may not be as relevant to the conversation.

However, my goal was to go back to work when the boys got to be close to college age as me working was our "college savings plan!"

I have now been back in the workforce 6 years.   It hasn't always been easy, but I am glad I did it.  

[Noreen Claire]

40 minutes ago, wintermom said:

There is life after kids and I think a lot of us youngish moms forget about that. 

Oh, I love that I read this as you calling me a " young mom". 😍😂 I am 47, and my oldest is 26! Thank you for this! I needed it.

[wintermom]

51 minutes ago, Noreen Claire said:

Oh, I love that I read this as you calling me a " young mom". 😍😂 I am 47, and my oldest is 26! Thank you for this! I needed it.

My dr called me a young mom at age 40, and I was a little taken aback. I did appreciate it, though. Now I grace other young moms with the same comment. 😁

[Hilltopmom]

1 hour ago, Noreen Claire said:

Oh, I love that I read this as you calling me a " young mom". 😍😂 I am 47, and my oldest is 26! Thank you for this! I needed it.

I went back to teaching at 46.. if I waited much longer there wouldn’t be much to put toward retirement. As it is, my peers are counting down the years to retirement (on less than 2 hands) and I’m just getting started back in the system. They’re retiring at 55 and I’m in it till 65 at least.

I may have young kids, but I have grown kids too and I couldn’t just wait till the little ones were grown to go back to work- I’ll be 65 by then.

Best of luck 🙂

Edited March 19, 2022 by Hilltopmom

[Night Elf]

3 hours ago, DawnM said:

I did things a little backwards.   I worked when the older 2 were born and worked until they were 9 and 7.   Then we moved to NC and I stayed home and homeschooled.   My oldest has Aspergers and once we realized PS wasn't working for him, I homeschooled.   If he had been fine in school, I would have continued working, so my voice may not be as relevant to the conversation.

However, my goal was to go back to work when the boys got to be close to college age as me working was our "college savings plan!"

I have now been back in the workforce 6 years.   It hasn't always been easy, but I am glad I did it.  

Wow Dawn! I remember when you went back to work. That was 6 years ago? How on earth does time pass by so quickly? 

[Bootsie]

I think that it helps to realize that there probably is not one right time to go back to work full-time.  I tend to be a planner and a worrier, and I worried about all of the details of what would happen if... There are pros and cons.  I finally realized that there are few "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunities, although it may seem like it at the time.  There will be good opportunities in the future, also.  I also realized that there are few decisions that are permanent; I can try a job and if it isn't working out for me or my family, I can quit.  There are also many things that come up that could not have been predicted that make you change your mind about your decision in the future.  There is not one right, or perfect, time for most people--there may be better or worse times.  

Do you know what type of support the school district provides for teacher-parents?  My local district does things such as if a middle school teacher has an elementary school child, the district has a shuttle bus so that the parent brings the child to the parent's school and the school shuttles the children to their elementary school at the appropriate time (and back at the end of the school day).  They are also good about providing classroom coverage/subs for the teacher/parents to attend an event at the child's school or go on a field trip with the child.  

[NorthwestMom]

9 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

 

Do you know what type of support the school district provides for teacher-parents?  My local district does things such as if a middle school teacher has an elementary school child, the district has a shuttle bus so that the parent brings the child to the parent's school and the school shuttles the children to their elementary school at the appropriate time (and back at the end of the school day).  They are also good about providing classroom coverage/subs for the teacher/parents to attend an event at the child's school or go on a field trip with the child.  

There may be informal support as well. In my neighborhood is an in-home daycare that only takes kids of teachers in the district, so they follow the exact district schedule and have accommodations for school start times, and there are no services offered on school holidays so no need to pay for day care days you don't use. This day care does not advertise, so non-teachers don't know it. I hope you find something similar!

[katilac]

21 hours ago, Noreen Claire said:

 So, if I'm going to need to go back to work before DS12 graduates from high school, that means I have 5 years. The question becomes, do I stay at home as long as possible and take whatever job I can when the time comes, or do I try for this job now, knowing how convenient it is to home/public school?

With five years as my max, I would this job if offered to me. If it's as convenient and good an opportunity as it seems, you don't want to chance not getting on there in the future. If it doesn't work out (the school is terrible or you discover you just can't handle teaching anymore), you have time to pivot and look for something else. Going to work at the last minute will make it harder to change. 

The reason I mention not being being able to handle teaching anymore is that the landscape has changed a lot over the years, and the expectations and lack of autonomy are wild in some districts. 

I tried at least four different things when I amped up work after homeschooling ended, and I was really grateful to be able to do that. I could have survived in any of the jobs except one, but it would be a lot harder. 

[East Coast Sue]

17 hours ago, Noreen Claire said:

so, i was looking at the job posting again and noticed that applications had to be in by midnight TONIGHT. 😱

So, I applied. 

Well done! I’m so happy for you! 

[Catwoman]

I hope you get the job if you decide you really want it!

I know you’re thinking it will be a nuisance to get everyone up and out the door so early every morning, but I would also be considering how tired you will be at the end of a long work day… and then you will have to get dinner on the table and possibly help four kids with their homework. Add in things like laundry and housework and… well… that’s a LOT for you to do, and you will have almost no time at all for yourself or for your dh. 

I’m #TeamKeepHomeschooling for now. 🙂 But if you really want the job, I still hope you get it!

Edited March 20, 2022 by Catwoman
Typo

[katilac]

28 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Add in things like laundry and housework and… well… that’s a LOT for you to do, and you will have almost no time at all for yourself or for your dh. 

But a second full-time income means some things can be outsourced as needed. I'm not saying it won't be hard, but plenty of parents both have jobs. 

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, katilac said:

But a second full-time income means some things can be outsourced as needed. I'm not saying it won't be hard, but plenty of parents both have jobs. 

Yes, but outsourcing can be expensive, and are often impractical.

Obviously, these are all considerations for Noreen to keep in mind as she makes her decision. 

[katilac]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

Yes, but outsourcing can be expensive, and are often impractical.

Not more expensive than not working! I don't see why outsourcing household chores would be impractical?  Housecleaning, yard work, laundry, tutoring, these are all very standard things to hire out. 

I agree that these are all things for her to consider, and I think it's really important to consider outsourcing ahead of time and work it into the new budget right away. It's much harder (mentally) to do later, if you budgeted all the money in a different way. So, OP, slot those line items in from the get-go. Allot a much higher amount that you think you'll need (bc I do think Cat is right about being tired, lol). You could spend a ton and still come out ahead with the remaining money, benefits, and additional years toward retirement (a huge benefit in most school systems). Or, if it's not for you, you know that now instead of five years from now. 

 

 

[Frances]

40 minutes ago, katilac said:

But a second full-time income means some things can be outsourced as needed. I'm not saying it won't be hard, but plenty of parents both have jobs. 

Plus, the children are certainly old enough to help with some chores and cooking and maybe her husband would switch to just one job, so they could equally share household responsibilities. And at least they would all have spring, winter, and summer breaks off together, that’s far more than most two working parent families get off from work.

Edited March 20, 2022 by Frances

[Catwoman]

20 minutes ago, katilac said:

Not more expensive than not working! I don't see why outsourcing household chores would be impractical?  Housecleaning, yard work, laundry, tutoring, these are all very standard things to hire out. 

I agree that these are all things for her to consider, and I think it's really important to consider outsourcing ahead of time and work it into the new budget right away. It's much harder (mentally) to do later, if you budgeted all the money in a different way. So, OP, slot those line items in from the get-go. Allot a much higher amount that you think you'll need (bc I do think Cat is right about being tired, lol). You could spend a ton and still come out ahead with the remaining money, benefits, and additional years toward retirement (a huge benefit in most school systems). Or, if it's not for you, you know that now instead of five years from now. 

 

 

I guess it depends on how many tasks need to be outsourced, and how much the job pays. I would also take the kids’ feelings into serious consideration, as this will be a huge lifestyle change for the entire family.

As an example, if two kids need math tutors, and those tutors each cost $75 an hour, that can really add up. Hiring a housekeeping service for a good-sized house can cost a few hundred dollars a week, and sending out the laundry isn’t cheap, either. Landscaping services can be pricey as well, if they do anything more than mow the lawn. And then there will probably be more meals out or takeout, just to save time. There is always the possibility that her dh may be able to cut back to one job so he could help more with daily tasks and the kids’ homework, but if you take away that income and add a bunch of outsourcing, will there be enough extra money to make it worth the inconvenience, particularly now, when the kids are still quite young? I have no idea, but I would certainly be crunching the numbers very carefully before making a decision.

But if the pay and benefits are good enough, I agree that the expense and inconvenience may be worth it, if this is something Noreen really wants to do. My bigger concerns, to be honest, are the exhaustion factor and the lack of freedom to take days off when she wants to, and the lack of freedom to teach her kids the way she thinks is best. It sounds like she enjoys homeschooling the kids, and this will be a big change for the whole family. 

[lovinmyboys]

I went back to work in January of 2021. My kids were in 3, 5, 6, and 9th grade. It has mostly been ok, but it has been hard too. The last couple of months have been harder than the first year. I really wish I could have kept homeschooling the younger kids (probably still would have sent my 9th grader). But, we have four kids- 3 in orthodontics, one in vision therapy, one had an ER trip this summer, and I had surgery-so having the second income has been valuable. The job was really an opportunity I couldn’t pass up after over a decade as a SAHM. So, I guess, there are pros and cons to both, and I think you and your kids will be just fine either way.

[madteaparty]

Sometimes an opportunity comes that forces your hand  So it feels like less of a big decision to make.

[Noreen Claire]

I'm sitting with my cup of tea, reading all of your responses to my husband. We've been having a pretty good conversation, so thanks everyone for your comments!

My BFF and I both think that the school district might have had someone in mind to hire and was just going through the motions with the public post, because it was posted for exactly ELEVEN days, and it was the only teacher position posted for next year so far. (Postings around here are usually up for months.) I'll obviously update if I get a call to interview.

 

[Momto6inIN]

I'm wondering if the income will do as much as you hope it will? If I'm reading it correctly, you hope to take some of the pressure off your husband and his multiple jobs. So that will be an exchange in who's earning the income, not an increase, at least for a portion of it. And you might need to hire math tutors to help your boys continute their momentum in math. And you might need to outsource some of the home stuff. And you want it to pay for college. And you want to save for retirement.

That's kind of a lot to expect from a teaching job income, at least the ones around here 😉 

And in exchange you get two stressed out parents instead of one, a 5 year old who's adjusting to being away from mom all day long, and two kids with special needs adjusting to ps.

I hope you are able to come to a decision that you're all at peace with, regardless of what it is!

[Noreen Claire]

2 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

I'm wondering if the income will do as much as you hope it will? If I'm reading it correctly, you hope to take some of the pressure off your husband and his multiple jobs. So that will be an exchange in who's earning the income, not an increase, at least for a portion of it. And you might need to hire math tutors to help your boys continute their momentum in math. And you might need to outsource some of the home stuff. And you want it to pay for college. And you want to save for retirement.

Looking at the contract for this job online, I would make three times what DH makes currently for his part-time jobs. So, even if he left his part-time job, we would still be up quite a bit.

I would not hire tutors for my kids to do math, we would just continue to do it at home if we needed to. (The 12 and 9-year-old are both working BA/AoPS on their own, and I am a math teacher!) I highly doubt we would pay anyone to do any of the housekeeping duties, maybe just bathrooms, and we really don't have any landscaping to speak of (though my husband does love to mow the lawn). The boys do their own laundry (except for the five year) and fold/put away all by themselves, so we just have to shift the times that they would do it.

Saving for retirement actually means vesting into the public school retirement system, which I only need to teach for two more years in order to do. Everything year after that means my pension will be bigger. DH is already fully vested in the pension system.

At for stressed out parents and kids adjusting, I don't know...

Edited March 20, 2022 by Noreen Claire
typo!

[mommyoffive]

1 minute ago, Noreen Claire said:

Looking at the contract for this job online, I would make three times what DH makes currently for his part-time jobs. So, even if he left his part-time job, we would still be up quite a bit. I would not hire tutors for my kids to do math, we would just continue to do it at home if we needed to. (The 12 and 9-year-old are both working BA/AoPS on their own, and I am math teacher!) I highly doubt we would pay anyone to do any of the housekeeping duties, maybe just bathrooms, and we really don't have any landscaping to speak of (though my husband does love to mow the lawn). The boys do their own laundry (except for the five year) and fold/put away old all by themselves, so we just have to shift the times that they would do it.

Saving for retirement actually means vesting into the public school retirement system, which I only need to teach for two more years in order to do. Everything year after that means my pension will be bigger. DH is already fully vested in the pension system.

At for stressed out parents and kids adjusting, I don't know...

Oh this sounds so good.  Fingers crossed for you.  

[katilac]

9 hours ago, Noreen Claire said:

 Saving for retirement actually means vesting into the public school retirement system, which I only need to teach for two more years in order to do. Everything year after that means my pension will be bigger.  

 

This is definitely one of the reasons I would strongly consider it! 

Even if they don't call you this time, I think it's good to get your name out there, let them know you're interested.