Probably our last semester homeschooling.....

[Soror]

My 2 younger daughters are saying they want to go to PS next year. I was hoping to get at least another year but I don't think that's going to happen.  in our rural area there are little choices for school- no hybrids, only private school is very, very anti-Catholic conservative, one co-op in town that regularly meets is strict and conservative, one an hour away has all these rules and a SoF I can't/won't sign. Besides the fact at this point of limited things to do for 2 yrs from the pandemic a half a day 20 odd weeks of the year with people they are not likely to see out of there is not enough. ] 

And I'm ending with a very bad taste in my mouth for the homeschool community. I've spent over a decade planning homeschool activities keeping things inclusive for everyone. Now, my kids are being left out. They don't understand why they are not invited to activities that their friends go to. I heard straight from one of the mom's planning the activities that they are only inviting people that are "good" kids, whatever that means. All these nice Christian women have these rules and my kids are shut out of playing with friends they've had for years. What we've done to get locked out IDK (I have 2 kids in PS?, my kids got vaccinated?, I didn't blow off the pandemic?, I haven't been rah rah conservative? -I never ever talk politics and don't post anything on social media whatsoever). To top it off- dd was sent a kys, no one likes you gif. A former hs kid was in on it telling dd it was just a joke and to get over it. DD came straight to me after blocking the kids. I told the hs mom, that has been a friend for years, she totally ignored me. 

I'm angry and bitter and really trying not to be so we don't finish the year and homeschooling on a bad note. We'll see if I can keep my mouth shut. 

Fwiw this is a JAWM if you have criticism I don't care to hear it. I'm rather over the idea that hs'ing and hs'ers are so wonderful and the social scene is so great.

[Corraleno]

That's really awful, Soror, I'm so sorry you and your kids are dealing with that. (((hugs)))

Edited January 8, 2022 by Corraleno

[mommyoffive]

Sending some hugs.  I think being done hs would be emotional as it is, but man that sucks to have not a great time of it at the end.  The pandemic sucked a lot of fun out of homeschooling the people around you, ick! I am sorry you are going through that and your kids are too.  Only GOOD kids getting invited?  WTF!  Those people suck!  It is hard to deal with that, but a good thing to know where you stand.  

I hope you can enjoy the last bit of it.  Focus on you guys and things you would want to do with the time.  

Maybe when you get some distance from it you can remember the better parts of it.  

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry @Soror. My kids were excluded when we home educated overseas. It stinks.

[HomeAgain]

That's terrible. 😞

We have run into that prior.  Our crimes were:

being Catholic
being athiest
being from out of town
being non-legalists
being classical homeschoolers
not being classical enough homeschoolers

It was a 'pick your poison' kind of situation and it wasn't one that worked in our favor.  We could be excluded by being anything, or not being something.  So, it didn't work out for us.

DS11 is probably going to school next year.  We lost many of our friends in the homeschool community because we took covid precautions and it wasn't safe for us to be in anti-regulation circles.  We have no ties left, so it will not be a big deal when he goes next year.

[regentrude]

18 minutes ago, Soror said:

I'm rather over the idea that hs'ing and hs'ers are so wonderful and the social scene is so great.

I am so sorry.
When I started homeschooling I was under the delusion that without public school, socially things should be wonderful.
The worst bullying I ever witnessed was a pack of homeschooled pre-teen/young teen girls, and it was particularly nasty because their mothers got involved and bullied the mothers of the two bullied children. It was vicious and disabused me of any notion that homeschooling is socially superior.

Hugs. This sucks.

[MooCow]

I'm sorry. I feel lucky that I had a timetable for when youngest was returned to public school. We still had the gift of time to plan. 

Luckily even though life interfered (hugely) right before he went back, we had enough in place for him to be successful. He's a senior in highschool, due to graduate in the spring. 

Praying things go well for your kiddos.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

I guess I’ve never really talked about it on this forum, because I really am pro-homeschooling, but the homeschooling groups were the absolute least welcoming to my autistic, anxious child.  I watched other children with disabilities be loved and welcomed, but because his seemed mental and behavioral in nature we were very clearly unwelcome.  Despite me being a 1:1 for him.

He is in a public school program now that is usually warm, welcoming and loving.  All three of my children have found their tribes in public school(though one is struggling in her new school; she had a great experience in PS before we moved) and I am sure your children will as well.

[desertflower]

I’m so sorry!  
That’s awful what is happening to your two kids. Kids can be mean. And the mom to blow you off, is SO not ok.  She was not your friend to begin with. People can be so mean. This is where their kids are getting it from. 
You didn’t do anything wrong. Sending hugs and prayers that the rest of the school year goes better.

[wintermom]

I really sorry that your hs journey ended in such an unpleasant way for both you and your dc. ☹️

I hope that the transition to building school goes well for you all. 

[Kassia]

1 minute ago, wintermom said:

I really sorry that your hs journey ended in such an unpleasant way for both you and your dc. ☹️

I hope that the transition to building school goes well for you all. 

All of this from me too.  I am sorry.  

[Spryte]

I am so sorry. People can be mean!

[BusyMom5]

Big hugs to you- I hope the move to public school works out the best for everyone!  I wish it didn't have to be this way- I get jealous hearing about all the amazing opportunities others have available that we don't.   We don't have a lot of choices in education bc of where we live.  I know you will continue to provide an education based household, though.  Just talking with your kids about real things, discussing news, watching educational shows- those things matter.  

[Soror]

I appreciate the commiseration, the hugs, all of it. I've been really, really upset about it. But I can't just get over it because it is an ongoing issue. And when people hurt your kids you want to rip their throats out. I've always been honest with the kids but have felt it tricky to navigate this. I want to be honest but not add to their pain. 

I have loved homeschooling. I am still incredibly sad that I didn't get to continue on with it. 

I need to find a way to manage my bitterness and anger. It doesn't make me good company. 

And the idea of these people thinking I was never a real hs'er because I gave my kids a choice and didn't force them to hs. I was so dedicated. I put everything into it that I could. I knew that hs'ing through highschool is hard to accomplish, that is why I ran a hs group. That is why I ran science, robotics, literature, and Scouts groups over the years so my kids would have friends and could stay hs'ing and we wouldn't be a hs failure, but it didn't matter. 

Edited January 8, 2022 by Soror

[Kassia]

@Soror I'm so sorry about all of this.  Please don't think you're a hs failure because things didn't work out - you're not at all!  I know this is a JAWM thread but I don't want you to ever feel that way.  You put your heart and soul into this and you have every right to feel bitter and angry with the way things turned out but what you did counts for so much.  I know it's easy to say but try not to think about what others think of you - your priority is to do what is right for your kids and that is what is most important.  And giving up homeschooling is hard and you might have to go through a true grieving process.  Be kind to yourself.  ❤️

[BusyMom5]

You are NOT a homeschooling failure!  Far from it!  A homeschool failure is someone who had good intentions but never actually taught their kids.  Your kids are grade level- you are a success!   

[Melissa Louise]

@Soror

I'm so sorry. It stings. 

We were tolerated ( and all the groups I ran for free were appreciated) but not accepted (other than by one friend) because we were not Christian.

I hope you can draw in for this last semester, and focus on the memories you would like to make together. A few years on, I barely think about the homeschool drama; time and distance will take care of your bitterness and anger. 

Big hugs. 

[teachermom2834]

I can relate. I have homeschooled 19 years and graduated 3 kids. Seven years ago we moved and it just got ugly. My youngest and only left at home will start Catholic school in the fall. We are clearing off shelves at this very moment and putting stuff in piles for recycling and the used book store.  
 

Sorry it ended on a sour note for you. 

[happi duck]

Mean people suck.

Many (hugs)

 

[wintermom]

54 minutes ago, Soror said:

I put everything into it that I could. I knew that hs'ing through highschool is hard to accomplish, that is why I ran a hs group. That is why I ran science, robotics, literature, and Scouts groups over the years so my kids would have friends and could stay hs'ing and we wouldn't be a hs failure, but it didn't matter. 

It sounds like you provided your own dc and many other children with rich and varied learning opportunities. Sounds like a lot of fun activities to look back on and remember with happy memories. The poor behaviour of others doesn't make you a failure AT ALL.

I'm sure you'll find some other excellent activities for your dc in the future - or you will help create them yourself. 

There will be new friends out there for your dc and you, as well. 

[Soror]

34 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

@Soror

I'm so sorry. It stings. 

We were tolerated ( and all the groups I ran for free were appreciated) but not accepted (other than by one friend) because we were not Christian.

I hope you can draw in for this last semester, and focus on the memories you would like to make together. A few years on, I barely think about the homeschool drama; time and distance will take care of your bitterness and anger. 

Big hugs. 

Makes it hard not to resent people that just used you for years for all that you planned. When everyone else was too "busy" to help. I know in time I won't be so fresh and hard. I eventually came to accept that it ds but it was rough getting there. I know I have posted about it so much. Maybe if they all go I can truly move on? My heart still hurts thinking about it.

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

I am so sorry.
When I started homeschooling I was under the delusion that without public school, socially things should be wonderful.
The worst bullying I ever witnessed was a pack of homeschooled pre-teen/young teen girls, and it was particularly nasty because their mothers got involved and bullied the mothers of the two bullied children. It was vicious and disabused me of any notion that homeschooling is socially superior.

Hugs. This sucks.

I wish I could say I was surprised. People suck.

48 minutes ago, Kassia said:

@Soror I'm so sorry about all of this.  Please don't think you're a hs failure because things didn't work out - you're not at all!  I know this is a JAWM thread but I don't want you to ever feel that way.  You put your heart and soul into this and you have every right to feel bitter and angry with the way things turned out but what you did counts for so much.  I know it's easy to say but try not to think about what others think of you - your priority is to do what is right for your kids and that is what is most important.  And giving up homeschooling is hard and you might have to go through a true grieving process.  Be kind to yourself.  ❤️

I grieved so much when ds went in. Even knowing it was the best choice for him. I will be so glad to get to the point of not caring what people want. I really do, maybe with a few more years.

38 minutes ago, BusyMom5 said:

You are NOT a homeschooling failure!  Far from it!  A homeschool failure is someone who had good intentions but never actually taught their kids.  Your kids are grade level- you are a success!   

Thanks! I've sure tried.

26 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

I can relate. I have homeschooled 19 years and graduated 3 kids. Seven years ago we moved and it just got ugly. My youngest and only left at home will start Catholic school in the fall. We are clearing off shelves at this very moment and putting stuff in piles for recycling and the used book store.  
 

Sorry it ended on a sour note for you. 

That must have been horrible, to have it go well with the older ones and then to lose it with the younger ones.

[Kassia]

@Soror please vent as much as you need to here.  We all care very much and don't want you to hurt like this.  You've done a great job as a mom and a homeschooler.  

[Melissa Louise]

Lots of hugs 💜

[Starr]

How miserable. We backed off from some of our homeschooling activities because of snotty Christian girl bullying with parental consent.

[Soror]

1 minute ago, Starr said:

How miserable. We backed off from some of our homeschooling activities because of snotty Christian girl bullying with parental consent.

I'm sorry 😞

 

[MercyA]

That's disgusting. I'm so sorry. 😞 

Don't quote this part, please. My sister was homeschooled and the other homeschooled kids at church were awful to her. They basically ignored her like she wasn't in the room. 😢 As far I as I can guess, her only "crimes" were being extremely shy and middle class rather than wealthy. My dad was also the employee of one of their dads. Thankfully the wonderful, kind teacher of the younger kids welcomed my sister's help in her classroom and she did that instead of attending Sunday School with her peers.

Now when these kids see my sister (rarely; they are all grown up) they chat like nothing happened, so...? Kids (and parents) can be really mean and immature.

It sounds like you've done an amazing job, for both your kids and others. Hugs to you.

Edited January 9, 2022 by MercyA

[Soror]

And my 2 youngest are sweeties. Not that they are perfect (no kids are) but I'm proud of them. Dd2 stood up to the kids making racist jokes in TKD. They were appalled when one friend slapped her sister in her face and told her that was not ok. They are always worried about their grandma and going down to help her whenever they can. Whenever there are little kids around they are always trying to play with them and help the mom's out. But they are the "bad" kids???

Edited January 9, 2022 by Soror

[Miss Tick]

Gah. Sorry, @Soror. What a sour end to homeschooling, I'm sorry to hear you are wading through all that ... stuff.

[itsheresomewhere]

2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I guess I’ve never really talked about it on this forum, because I really am pro-homeschooling, but the homeschooling groups were the absolute least welcoming to my autistic, anxious child.  I watched other children with disabilities be loved and welcomed, but because his seemed mental and behavioral in nature we were very clearly unwelcome.  Despite me being a 1:1 for him.

He is in a public school program now that is usually warm, welcoming and loving.  All three of my children have found their tribes in public school(though one is struggling in her new school; she had a great experience in PS before we moved) and I am sure your children will as well.

Thank you for saying this.  When I say this, I get scolded by other homeschoolers.  Most homeschool groups are just not welcoming to those with certain disabilities.  
 

OP- I am so over most of my local homeschool community.  It is not very welcoming if you are different in away they think is bad.  I told my friend that if I had just started homeschooling, this new group of people would have turned me off homeschooling. DD is trying a group that was recommended for being wonderful and welcoming to all. First day, she said hi to a kid and they growled at her.  Halfway through, not a single teen is willing to talk to her unless she speaks first and then they ignore her. Sadly, we noticed they treat all the new kids this way. We must not be the type they want.  Unfortunately, public and private school are not on the table.

[Indigo Blue]

I’m sorry this is happening. People can be so awful. Hopefully time will heal the damage that has been done. People can be so mean.

My ds was bullied in public school by his teacher, and, that being one of many reasons, we pulled him out. We met many different types of homeschoolers. Some deep into conspiracy theories. Some soooo way over the top religious, we felt very uncomfortable trying to even talk to them. It was eye-opening for me, because I had a preconceived idea of what homeschoolers were like. Just more life lessons to learn from. And we did meet some families that we got along well with. 

I hope you know you or your children are not defined by what these people think or how they treat you. They are just people in your life that you have crossed paths with who sound very immature and shallow. It sounds like you did a lot during your homeschooling and were very dedicated. You did it well. Be proud of that. No one can take that away from you. Sorry, you said JAWM. I do, but I just had to say these things. Hope you don’t mind. 
 

 

 

[Shoeless]

I am sorry 😞

I feel this post so much. I poured a LOT of myself into building a homeschool community here, and ended up empty handed. People were very happy to take what I offered but we were never really "in". We were tolerated as long as I kept setting up free events for everyone else's children. 

I felt very badly about it for a while, like I was a failure.  I have no idea what more I could have done, though, short of morphing into a completely different type of person. 

Please don't let the opinions of some petty, crappy people cloud how you view yourself. This is 100% them, and not you or your lovely children. 

 

[HSmomof2]

3 hours ago, Soror said:

My 2 younger daughters are saying they want to go to PS next year. I was hoping to get at least another year but I don't think that's going to happen.  in our rural area there are little choices for school- no hybrids, only private school is very, very anti-Catholic conservative, one co-op in town that regularly meets is strict and conservative, one an hour away has all these rules and a SoF I can't/won't sign. Besides the fact at this point of limited things to do for 2 yrs from the pandemic a half a day 20 odd weeks of the year with people they are not likely to see out of there is not enough. ] 

And I'm ending with a very bad taste in my mouth for the homeschool community. I've spent over a decade planning homeschool activities keeping things inclusive for everyone. Now, my kids are being left out. They don't understand why they are not invited to activities that their friends go to. I heard straight from one of the mom's planning the activities that they are only inviting people that are "good" kids, whatever that means. All these nice Christian women have these rules and my kids are shut out of playing with friends they've had for years. What we've done to get locked out IDK (I have 2 kids in PS?, my kids got vaccinated?, I didn't blow off the pandemic?, I haven't been rah rah conservative? -I never ever talk politics and don't post anything on social media whatsoever). To top it off- dd was sent a kys, no one likes you gif. A former hs kid was in on it telling dd it was just a joke and to get over it. DD came straight to me after blocking the kids. I told the hs mom, that has been a friend for years, she totally ignored me. 

I'm angry and bitter and really trying not to be so we don't finish the year and homeschooling on a bad note. We'll see if I can keep my mouth shut. 

Fwiw this is a JAWM if you have criticism I don't care to hear it. I'm rather over the idea that hs'ing and hs'ers are so wonderful and the social scene is so great.

I’m sorry this is happening to you and your kids. I have been in the same situation, and it sucks. The local homeschoolers here are not even remotely wonderful and the ‘social scene’ is abysmal. My ds is in college now, and my dd(16) is full-time dual enrolled at the community college. I am so very happy not have to try to keep fitting into the homeschool crowd, and with their current behavior politically and with the pandemic, I don’t even want to be associated with them in any way. I’m so thankful I don’t have little kids…..I don’t know what I’d do. But yeah, I’m bitter and disappointed in homeschooling, especially the last couple years. My dc were incredibly lonely. Though they did get a good education. I hope you can find a good fit for your kids…..

[easypeasy]

Hugs to you.

We left the homeschooling world in a similar fashion. Sooner than I'd expected since Covid hit during my last homeschooled kid's senior year.

We don't miss any of them & I regret the years I spent trying to placate them so that my kids wouldn't be alienated. If I could go back, there would be different choices made.

I hope your girls have a great experience in school! For many reasons, it's sometimes the best choice!!

[Eos]

I'm so sorry.  You did everything well and with kindness, your kids and you have been treated abominably.  

[Soror]

 

2 hours ago, Eos said:

I'm so sorry.  You did everything well and with kindness, your kids and you have been treated abominably.  

Lol, thank you, but I'm so not claiming I did everything well with kindness! I tried but I've been jaded and resentful and angry at times. 

13 hours ago, HSmomof2 said:

I’m sorry this is happening to you and your kids. I have been in the same situation, and it sucks. The local homeschoolers here are not even remotely wonderful and the ‘social scene’ is abysmal. My ds is in college now, and my dd(16) is full-time dual enrolled at the community college. I am so very happy not have to try to keep fitting into the homeschool crowd, and with their current behavior politically and with the pandemic, I don’t even want to be associated with them in any way. I’m so thankful I don’t have little kids…..I don’t know what I’d do. But yeah, I’m bitter and disappointed in homeschooling, especially the last couple years. My dc were incredibly lonely. Though they did get a good education. I hope you can find a good fit for your kids…..

Knowing what I know now I don't know what I'd do with little kids. We had some wonderful friends when the kids were younger but that has been less and less true as time has passed. 

6 hours ago, easypeasy said:

Hugs to you.

We left the homeschooling world in a similar fashion. Sooner than I'd expected since Covid hit during my last homeschooled kid's senior year.

We don't miss any of them & I regret the years I spent trying to placate them so that my kids wouldn't be alienated. If I could go back, there would be different choices made.

I hope your girls have a great experience in school! For many reasons, it's sometimes the best choice!!

Yes, the bolded. For over a decade, I've tried to fit in. I've kept my thoughts and beliefs to myself. I stood by and ultimately compromised my morals trying to carve out a place to belong for my hs kids because I was so desperate to have that for them. I passed enough bean dip to fill the Grand Canyon. But it falls apart as things have gotten more divided - if you are not loudly behind something people are suspicious and children get older and they don't always keep things to themselves. I coached them over the years- this is the pre-dominant belief in our area- you might want to keep this to yourself- but I never forced them to be quiet. I guess some think I should have. I should have pushed my beliefs down and stifled myself more (maybe far enough and I'd just give them up). Maybe I should have outright lied? In the end, I'm proud that despite my bad example of keeping my beliefs to myself my kids aren't ashamed of theirs. I am sad I was not a better example in this. I've always been one of strong conviction but being on the outside in such a small community put that at odds with my desire to provide my kids with a social outlet. Looking back I am disappointed with myself. And I'm pissed at the idea that letting others know your beliefs is somehow wrong, some kind of failure. If you'd only made sure to keep things to yourself better, if only you'd made sure that your kids kept their mouth shut. If people can't stand the thought that you merely having a different set of beliefs whatever. 

And I realized that the hs'ing social scene sucks for the same reason it did at my little school. At small schools there are so few choices of friends, not a lot of acceptance of differences. That is amplified ten fold for an even smaller hs community. I remember being so incredibly lonely as a high schooler. I had friends at times but didn't ever felt I belong. Knowing that feeling I couldn't force my kids to stay at home. 

I still think hs'ing can be wonderful, beautiful thing. I cherish the time we've had. If any of them change their mind and decide to come back home I'd be there in a heartbeat. But I see more the cons and the limitations. Those that have wonderful communities- be grateful! Those that have kids that have made and been satisfied with friends online and other EC's it is a great thing.

[wintermom]

I'm so sorry, @Soror. It sounds like you've had many years of stress trying to navigate the social situation where you live. I really hope you are able to feel some relief and sense of freedom now. Big hugs to you and your family.

[Farrar]

We've been lucky to be in an urban area where there's lots of diversity among homeschoolers - both racially and religiously. Homeschoolers have not been some social utopia for my kids, but they've also not been a negative group at all. I hate that this still is the reality in many areas though. You're making the right call. I hope your kids find their social world opening up.

[Dianthus]

1 hour ago, Soror said:

And I realized that the hs'ing social scene sucks for the same reason it did at my little school. At small schools there are so few choices of friends, not a lot of acceptance of differences. That is amplified ten fold for an even smaller hs community. I remember being so incredibly lonely as a high schooler. I had friends at times but didn't ever felt I belong. Knowing that feeling I couldn't force my kids to stay at home. 

I still think hs'ing can be wonderful, beautiful thing. I cherish the time we've had. If any of them change their mind and decide to come back home I'd be there in a heartbeat. But I see more the cons and the limitations. Those that have wonderful communities- be grateful! Those that have kids that have made and been satisfied with friends online and other EC's it is a great thing.

I was in a small school. It was horrible and strong part in why I decided to homeschool. Even if your kids have no friends (my kids don't with the pandemic), they still have you and a strong family relationship. I didn't have that, and I never told my parents how absolutely miserable I was in school. It was just horrible.

I think it's just so much work to make friends where both the parents and kids click. We have lots of acquaintances but no close friends. It's harder with covid. We're the weird ones because we mask, so we'll see what happens when things return to normalcy.

[Halftime Hope]

Soror, I'm so sorry to hear this.  You are such a wonderful contributor in this community. 

What you are experiencing seems to be all around me.  I finally am in a wonderfully embracing work environment, and I'm here to tell you that it takes hard work!  We all recognize how marvelous it is, and we work hard, hard to keep petty stuff from pitting us against one another.  Without that explicit commitment, I don't know how communities and organizations maintain their unity.  I hope you give yourself credit for the good you've done, and choose to remember and celebrate that. 

I hope your children "find their tribe" among the kids in public school!  I was thrilled when I got to college because there was such a wide range of potential friends to choose from.  I suspect school will be like that for them. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Eos]

3 hours ago, Soror said:

I should have pushed my beliefs down and stifled myself more

Nah. Because:

 

3 hours ago, Soror said:

In the end, I'm proud that despite my bad example of keeping my beliefs to myself my kids aren't ashamed of theirs.